After checking on Journey a few minutes later, Cordelia wandered down the
hall to Angel's room. She began to knock but saw the door was already ajar.
She peered through the small opening and saw Angel, with his back to her,
staring at the heavy drapes that were keeping the sunlight out of the room.
She softly pushed the door open and stepped inside.
He didn't even turn around before asking, "Is there something you need, Cor?"
"No, not really." She came and sat beside him on his bed.
"Where's Journey?"
"He's in his room, all cleaned up. I left him on his bed reading 'Frankenstein'."
"'Frankenstein'?"
"Yep."
"Cordelia, he's five years old. He's going to have nightmares."
Cordelia shook her head. "No, he won't. He's a smart kid; he can distinguish fact from fiction. Besides, I thought he might could identify with ol' Frankie a bit."
Angel chuckled. "Okay, but if he wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, I'm calling you."
"Okay by me." Cordelia paused. "Answer a question?"
"What's that?"
"Well, I was just wondering. what are we going to do?" Cordelia asked, resting her head on his shoulder. "Are we gonna send him back to school tomorrow?"
"Probably not." Angel replied. "He could vamp out at any moment."
"Angel, he's got to get an education."
"He will. Fred can home school him. She's only been teaching him a few times a week since he was two and look how smart he is now. He's reading chapter books, and he knows his multiplication tables and sentence structure. He'll do better with Fred than with a teacher at school."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Cordelia sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "So, is Journey not human now.. or?
"I hope so." Angel mumbled.
Cordelia hit him on the arm. "Did you just say, 'I hope so'?"
"No." Angel responded quickly.
"Angel.."
"Cordelia."
Cordelia stared intently at her old friend before asking, "Why don't you want your son to be human?"
"It's not that I don't want him to be human; I do. I'd rather him be human than like me. I'd rather him be human than have to spend day after day battling to stay good."
"Then, what is it, Angel?"
Angel didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Well.. pretend you're me."
"Why?"
"Just do it."
"Okay." Cordelia sighed. "Pretending I'm you."
"You died in the 1700s. Correct?"
"Yes." Cordelia replied in a deep Angel-esque voice.
"Cordelia!"
"What? You said to pretend I'm you." She lowered her voice again. "Now, continue."
"All right. You died in the 1700s. Yet you've lived all these years. Then, suddenly, and unexplainably, you're a father."
"Yes."
"But you're a dead and never aging demon. While your son is alive and an ever aging human. And every time you look at him, you can't help but realize that someday." Angel looked away from Cordelia.
"He'll look older than you," Cordelia finished softly.
He turned towards her. "Do you know what it feels like to know that? That you're going to outlive your own son? To know that while you're son will grow up and get married and have children, who'll have children of their own, you'll still look the same? To know that you'll be forced to watch everyone around you die while you're just left to watch it happen, powerless to stop it. To know that when all is said and done, when the world has come to an end, you'll be the last man standing-all alone?"
"No, Angel. I don't know how that feels. But Angel, you're forgetting about your 'shanshu'. One day you WILL be human."
"Yeah, one day when everyone I know and love is dead and gone and where does that leave me-human and alone. I'll spend my human days depressed and suicidal, waiting for my inevitable death."
"You make it sound as though you won't become human for hundreds of years. Angel, you'll become human long before that."
Angel shook his head. "Cordelia, I have hundreds of years of wreaking havoc and torturing to make up for. Hundreds of years! You just don't make up for hundreds of years in a few short decades."
"Angel, you're gonna get to be human before your son dies, before I die. Before Fred, Gunn, Wesley or the twins die too."
"I hope so."
"I know so." Cordelia responded as she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. "Hang in there, Angel. You're doing good now and you'll get your reward soon enough."
Cordelia stood up and headed for the door. "Where are you going?" Angel asked.
"Well, I want to finish up the paperwork early so I can go home." She smiled. "I've got a date tonight."
"A date? With who?"
"His name's Caden Michaels. And he's a lawyer."
"Not with Wolfram and Hart, I hope."
"Oh, no. Goodness. I mean, I hope not, too."
"You don't know?" Angel asked, alarmed.
"Yes, I mean, I KNOW. It's just that your question made me think. Anyway, he's a lawyer for."
"For what, Cor?"
Cordelia smiled sheepishly. "You know, I'll have to get back to you on that." She paused, listening. "I think Fred and the twins are here."
They looked at each other before replying in unison, "Journey will LOVE that."
Angel smiled. "Try to keep Charlie and Milo away from Journey."
"Yes, sir." She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.
TBC
He didn't even turn around before asking, "Is there something you need, Cor?"
"No, not really." She came and sat beside him on his bed.
"Where's Journey?"
"He's in his room, all cleaned up. I left him on his bed reading 'Frankenstein'."
"'Frankenstein'?"
"Yep."
"Cordelia, he's five years old. He's going to have nightmares."
Cordelia shook her head. "No, he won't. He's a smart kid; he can distinguish fact from fiction. Besides, I thought he might could identify with ol' Frankie a bit."
Angel chuckled. "Okay, but if he wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, I'm calling you."
"Okay by me." Cordelia paused. "Answer a question?"
"What's that?"
"Well, I was just wondering. what are we going to do?" Cordelia asked, resting her head on his shoulder. "Are we gonna send him back to school tomorrow?"
"Probably not." Angel replied. "He could vamp out at any moment."
"Angel, he's got to get an education."
"He will. Fred can home school him. She's only been teaching him a few times a week since he was two and look how smart he is now. He's reading chapter books, and he knows his multiplication tables and sentence structure. He'll do better with Fred than with a teacher at school."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Cordelia sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "So, is Journey not human now.. or?
"I hope so." Angel mumbled.
Cordelia hit him on the arm. "Did you just say, 'I hope so'?"
"No." Angel responded quickly.
"Angel.."
"Cordelia."
Cordelia stared intently at her old friend before asking, "Why don't you want your son to be human?"
"It's not that I don't want him to be human; I do. I'd rather him be human than like me. I'd rather him be human than have to spend day after day battling to stay good."
"Then, what is it, Angel?"
Angel didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Well.. pretend you're me."
"Why?"
"Just do it."
"Okay." Cordelia sighed. "Pretending I'm you."
"You died in the 1700s. Correct?"
"Yes." Cordelia replied in a deep Angel-esque voice.
"Cordelia!"
"What? You said to pretend I'm you." She lowered her voice again. "Now, continue."
"All right. You died in the 1700s. Yet you've lived all these years. Then, suddenly, and unexplainably, you're a father."
"Yes."
"But you're a dead and never aging demon. While your son is alive and an ever aging human. And every time you look at him, you can't help but realize that someday." Angel looked away from Cordelia.
"He'll look older than you," Cordelia finished softly.
He turned towards her. "Do you know what it feels like to know that? That you're going to outlive your own son? To know that while you're son will grow up and get married and have children, who'll have children of their own, you'll still look the same? To know that you'll be forced to watch everyone around you die while you're just left to watch it happen, powerless to stop it. To know that when all is said and done, when the world has come to an end, you'll be the last man standing-all alone?"
"No, Angel. I don't know how that feels. But Angel, you're forgetting about your 'shanshu'. One day you WILL be human."
"Yeah, one day when everyone I know and love is dead and gone and where does that leave me-human and alone. I'll spend my human days depressed and suicidal, waiting for my inevitable death."
"You make it sound as though you won't become human for hundreds of years. Angel, you'll become human long before that."
Angel shook his head. "Cordelia, I have hundreds of years of wreaking havoc and torturing to make up for. Hundreds of years! You just don't make up for hundreds of years in a few short decades."
"Angel, you're gonna get to be human before your son dies, before I die. Before Fred, Gunn, Wesley or the twins die too."
"I hope so."
"I know so." Cordelia responded as she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. "Hang in there, Angel. You're doing good now and you'll get your reward soon enough."
Cordelia stood up and headed for the door. "Where are you going?" Angel asked.
"Well, I want to finish up the paperwork early so I can go home." She smiled. "I've got a date tonight."
"A date? With who?"
"His name's Caden Michaels. And he's a lawyer."
"Not with Wolfram and Hart, I hope."
"Oh, no. Goodness. I mean, I hope not, too."
"You don't know?" Angel asked, alarmed.
"Yes, I mean, I KNOW. It's just that your question made me think. Anyway, he's a lawyer for."
"For what, Cor?"
Cordelia smiled sheepishly. "You know, I'll have to get back to you on that." She paused, listening. "I think Fred and the twins are here."
They looked at each other before replying in unison, "Journey will LOVE that."
Angel smiled. "Try to keep Charlie and Milo away from Journey."
"Yes, sir." She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.
TBC