AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here comes chapter 8, people! Thank you so much for reviewing my story. It really helped me in focusing and finishing this little fic of mine. Anyway, this is the second to the last chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it. Ciao!

DISCLAIMER: Slamdunk belongs to Takehiko Inoue. The marked sentence (the one with the asterisk beside it) was from the book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera.

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Hate. I didn't know I was capable of that feeling. I didn't know until he went out of our lives. Just like that, he left us. And I hate him for that. I hate him for creating such a big void in our existence. And I hate him for plaguing my dreams. I want you out of my life, Sakuragi Hanamichi.

Haruko re-read what she had written in her diary and an immense amount of hatred surge through her. Her face was emotionless, her lips set in a straight line. In a few minutes, she has to go down once again and pretend that she's alright. She would put up a big smile for everyone and pretend to go on with her life. Yes, she had to act so that they wouldn't know that deep down inside, her hatred was slowly destroying her soul.

She closed her diary, stood up from her chair and squared her shoulder. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror and saw that nothing much changed in her since his death. And yet, deep down inside, she was hoping that she would see something – anything! - that change in her. But no. She could see that she was still the same Akagi Haruko and she hated him even more.

"Haruko, are you coming down?"

Haruko heard her brother calling in an exasperated voice. Haruko took one last glance at her self in the mirror and set her face grimly. She looked tragically beautiful in her cold, impassive state but Haruko couldn't see that. No, all that she could see was someone's blank face staring right back at her and all that she knew was she also hate this girl in the mirror .

"Haruko, are you coming down or what?"

"Yes, I'm coming!" Haruko shouted back, never removing her gaze in the mirror. She touched the mirror's surface as if trying to reach out to the girl on the other side. She stroked its surface and quietly said, "You're such a good actress, Haruko."

********

Akagi looked furiously at his watch and mumbled a curse under his breath. What in the world could be taking Haruko this long to get ready for school!?! He was pacing to and fro at their living room, absolutely livid at his sister's inconsiderateness.

"I'm here. I'm sorry!"

Akagi looked at her sister viciously and was set to explode right at her face when he noticed something different in her. She had dark circles under her eyes and she looked pale under their bright light. All at once, Akagi's anger evaporated and was replaced by an overwhelming concern for her sister.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Haruko's heart pounded in her chest and she quickly averted her eyes from her brother's inquiring glare. "Of course, I'm all right. What made you think something's wrong with me?" she lied as she pretended to fix the clasp of her skirt.

But Akagi noticed that she was avoiding the question and she could feel his brother's eyes boring on her. She turned her eyes towards her brother once again and looked straight into his eyes, careful enough not to flinch. Haruko crossed her fingers hoping that Takenori wouldn't ask her so many questions.

Akagi's gaze darkened as he met her eye to eye, measuring the truthfulness in her reply. Haruko's inside was melting and when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, she playfully punched her brother's arm and laugh mirthfully. "Hey, you're scaring me! Come on, we're gonna be late!" Haruko hurriedly went to the front door to further avoid any inquiry that Takenori might make. She couldn't really lie to her brother.

Akagi watched as her sister gleefully crossed their living room to open their front door and step outside. He knew something wasn't right in his sister and Kami knows he would do anything to help her solve it. But Haruko seemed to be absolute in keeping it all to her self and leaving him in the dark groping for answers. He was anxious when he saw the two circles under her eyes and Akagi knew her sister would never stay up that late for studying. Something was bothering her and it could totally destroy her.

"Oniichan, hurry up!"

Akagi was shook out of his reverie and warily picked up his bag on the sofa. Haruko would tell him when she's ready. Akagi was only hoping that she would tell him her problem soon enough before she spiraled down to self destruction.

********

"It's weird."

Akagi looked at Ayako quizzically, wondering what she meant. The team's manageress promptly elaborated what she wanted to say when she saw Akagi's creased brow. "What I mean is, your sister didn't come watch the practice again. And she was supposed to be the co-manageress!" Ayako added the last part as a joke but regretted it instantly the moment she saw Akagi's frown deepening. She hurriedly mustered an apology to appease their ex-captain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that she's lazy or anything. It just that it has been two days since practice resume."

But Akagi just sighed and looked at the basketball in his hand. "That's all right. She really wasn't herself these past days."

Now, it was Ayako's time to be confused. "Not herself, sempai? She seems all right to me." Ayako couldn't see what was wrong with Haruko. She thought, out of all those who were very close to Sakuragi, Haruko was the one who was able to cope well about Sakuragi's early demise. Every time she sees Haruko, the girl was always surrounded by her friends Matsu and Fuuji, laughing at any jokes or whatever stories girls were supposed to talk about. "There seemed to be no problem with her." Ayako thought, pondering what Akagi meant.

"That's the problem. She's just too normal." Akagi replied as if reading her mind.

"But isn't it better that she's acting normally and going on with her life?"

Akagi was speechless and wondered if it's really better that Haruko was at least normal. But somehow, he couldn't stop the apprehension that he was feeling. He knew that it's not right that Haruko would cope that easily. Painfully, Akagi replied, "No."

Ayako pursed her lips and merely nodded.

********

Haruko didn't know what led her to this place. She was walking back home when she passed by the majestic gates of the cemetery and suddenly, she felt compelled to visit this place. And her foot led her to this grave site. Sakuragi's grave site to be exact.

She looked around her and found the cemetery empty. The cemetery was beautiful she had to admit. It seemed as if it jumped right out of Monet's canvass and breathed a life of its own. There were fragrant Sakura trees everywhere and the grasses were well kept. Statues of wantonly dress Greek god and goddesses adorned the place as well statues of Japanese deity.

But she knew all of these were lies. It couldn't fool her. She knew that beneath this lovely picture was the ugly truth. The cemetery was just an ugly dump for stones and bones*. No matter how hard the living tried to beautify a place like this, it will still and always be just a place for the dead. At once, her face became impassive and she felt the cold fury that course through her vein.

Haruko was aware that she was being unfair hating someone who was dead. But she didn't give a fucking care. All that she recognized was this unspeakable hatred for Sakuragi. "You should have remained dead," Haruko started angrily, "Why then do you have to bother me? Why do you always haunt my dreams?" Haruko clenched her fist furiously. She bit into her lips and tasted the metallic tang of her blood. She was shaking with fury when her dream last night came flooding back in her mind.

She was in an open field and all at once she recognized that she was at the cemetery, standing in front of Sakuragi's grave.  Sakuragi was standing in front of her with that sad look in his eyes. He walked towards her and for the first time, the ghostly apparition of Sakuragi spoke to her. "Why are you killing me, Haruko?" he said to her almost accusingly. She felt herself went rigid at his 'accusation' and her blood ran cold. Before she could prevent herself, she retorted, "But you're already dead." To her horror, Sakuragi crumbled before her, leaving nothing as much as a speck.

Haruko opened her eyes and fixed her wrathful stares at Sakuragi's grave. She was clenching her hand in a fist and she could feel her fingers digging deep into her fleshy palm. She felt the blood that was seeping into the crevices of her balled fist. It's his fault. Everything that was happening to her was his entire fault. "You're dead. And I wish you would remain dead. I hate you." Haruko hissed, her every word dripping with venom. Yes, she wish he would remain dead and let her be.

"So…you hate my son…"

Haruko was startled to hear someone spoke to her. She whipped around and found Aiko Sakuragi smiling sadly. Haruko felt the color crept to her cheeks, embarrassed that Aiko had heard her vented out her frustrations. "Sakuragi-san, I…I was - "

But Aiko just held up her hand, silencing whatever Haruko was going to say. "It's all right. There's no need to explain."

Haruko wanted the ground to swallow her at that moment. She felt very small under Aiko's watchful eyes. It was one thing to hate someone's son; it was another to be heard by his mother.

Aiko brushed past Haruko and lay a bouquet of tulips and roses on Sakuragi's grave. She closed her eyes and murmured a silent prayer for the departed soul of her son. She then opened her eyes and patted the soil lovingly, tears forming in her tired eyes. She quickly brushed them away and stood up to face Haruko.

Haruko turned down her eyes to avoid Aiko's gaze. She felt ashamed that Aiko had to hear what she had said.

"Haruko…"

Haruko summoned all her courage and looked up to meet Aiko's eyes. Instead of seeing anger in the older woman's brown eyes, what she saw was the weariness and the pain of a mother going through life alone. Devoid of a husband before, now devoid of a son also. Haruko opened her mouth to speak but she didn't know what she would say. Aiko just smiled at her.

"I know what you feel, Akagi-san. I know it too well…"

********

Meanwhile, at the Akagi residence, Akagi was still bothered by Haruko's action this past week. Sure, he knew her sister was really bubbly but there was something wrong with her. Her happiness seemed…fake. When she smiled, her eyes looked weary. It almost looked emotionless. Her sister was having an internal struggle and he couldn't do anything to help her.

"Oh…Take-kun, would you mind bringing this sheet to your sister's bedroom? Your dad's waiting for me already outside. We'll be back by 10!" Mrs. Akagi handed her son a freshly laundered bed sheet and rushed to Mr. Akagi who was already waiting impatiently in their car.

Akagi heard their front door slammed shut and the car speeding away, telling him that his parents had already left. He sighed once again and told himself that he'll ask her sister what's the matter with her, even if it means forcing her to tell him what's bothering her these past days.

Akagi entered her sister's bedroom and laid the sheet on the bed. Just as he was leaving, he noticed Haruko's diary on the table. Akagi knew the importance of privacy and he knew that a person's diary contained a person's personal thoughts, whether be it hateful or pleasant. But Akagi was only human and he couldn't resist the temptation of peering into the brain of his sister.

With immense uneasiness, Akagi opened the pink notebook and read.

I had a dream again and my dreams were getting worse. I was back in the cemetery and there he was again, standing in front of me. He looked so sad and I could feel his gaze piercing my soul. He told me why I was killing him. But how could it be, diary. How could it be when he was dead all along? I told him that and I immediately regretted what I said. He slowly crumbled before me and when I tried to scream, I woke up. I was crying when I woke up. But it's not tears of sorrow that I was shedding. It was tears of hate. Yes, hatred for that man who left so fast and turned my life upside down.

In a fraction of a second, his forehead creased and he felt his throat went dry. What he read confirmed his suspicion. His sister was just mere playacting to hide the pain and anger she had to deal by herself. "Haruko…"

********

"I know what you feel, Akagi-san. I know it too well…"

Haruko gasped inaudibly. She felt her throat tightening, the tears that was slowly building up at the corner of her eyes. She looked down once again to stop herself from completely breaking down. "Stop…please stop." Haruko silently pleaded. But Aiko wasn't quite finished yet.

"I know how hard it is to be left alone by someone you cared for deeply. I know the pain that it can cause on your life. I know that you can't stop thinking about them everyday and wishing that they're still alive. You can still hear them laugh, you can still see them doing what they love to do. And I know that you regret the fact that you've never treasured those moments when they were still alive because you thought it was stupid. And I know that you lie in your bed every night, fervently praying to have their stupid little antic be repeated once again. And because you know it won't happen, you started to get angry at God or whatever deity you have called. You hated Him because He took something away from you and left you incapacitated. And then after being angry with God, you'll hate those who have left you. You hate them because you thought they will stay with you forever. But they were so selfish and they left you all alone. And you hate them for it…"

"Stop! Why are you telling me this? Why…?" Haruko couldn't stop the sob that escaped from her lips. How dare her! How dare she tell her about hate. How dare she teach her what she felt at this moment! It was just pure bullshit. "Just leave me alone…please."

Aiko felt her heart was gripped with pity at Haruko's sorry state. But she knew Haruko had to understand. She had to accept that Sakuragi's death wasn't meant to hurt her. "But tell me, Haruko. What will happen when you have exhausted all your hate?"

Haruko backed away from her, as if the woman in front of her was a murderer. She looked at Aiko with pure disgust and hatred. She hates this woman! "You don't know anything! You don't know how I woke up every night crying because he invaded my dreams. You don't know the pain that I was going through because that bastard left me just when everything was perfect. How dare he destroy our lives!" Haruko slumped on the grass and cried. She felt her heart constrict with every anguish cry that escaped from her lips. She couldn't pretend to be strong anymore. And she couldn't pretend that Sakuragi's death was merely a dot on her existence.

Aiko kneeled before Haruko and held her in both shoulders. Aiko forced the younger woman to look her in the eye. "And when you are through hating God and hating those who left you…you'll realize you don't hate them. Instead, you realize you hate yourself because you couldn't stop them from dying."

Through Haruko's blurred vision, she could see that Aiko was also shedding the painful tears they both shared. At that moment, Haruko had learned what it meant to suffer. Bearing the pain of a loved one's death on your frail shoulder while carrying on with your life, yes, that was indeed suffering. At that moment, she understood everything.

"I lost a husband before and up to now, I've never forgiven myself for letting him die all alone. But I had to continue living even though the pain is killing me because someone is still in need of me. And now…" Aiko's tears were flowing freely. She could taste its salty texture on her lips and she was finding it hard to continue. But she had to. "And now…Sakuragi was gone too. Haruko, you just lost a friend. But I lost a son. That's why you have to be strong. Do you understand?"

Haruko, in spite of her distressed state, nodded and for the first time in week, smiled a genuine smile that reached her eyes. Aiko moved to embrace her and Haruko couldn't help the tears that sprang back. And they just stayed there, holding each other, reminiscing a person that they deeply and truly loved.

********

"Thank you, Sakuragi-san, for bringing her home."

"Don't mention it, Akagi-san. I guess, she really needed to sort her thoughts. I was thankful that I also saw her there."

"Thank you. I was worried about her. I don't know what will I do if…"

"She's going to be all right now. But please, take care of her."

Akagi smiled kindly at Aiko and nodded. He really didn't know the pain this woman was undergoing right now. She had lost both husband and son, and yet she remained strong all through out the challenges. How sad it is to have everything be taken away from you. How sad it is to walk through the rest of your life alone.

Aiko sadly smiled and patted Akagi's arm. "Sakuragi had a lot of good things to say about you. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to him." Akagi felt that familiar lump in his throat as he listened to this woman thanked him. He found that he was unable to speak so he merely nodded his head as a sign of recognition. Aiko smiled at him again and left. Alone in the street, Akagi felt the Christmas cold penetrating every inch of his body. He watched as the snow lazily fell from the sky, blanketing the street in a soft, white glow. Akagi thought, as he stood there, Christmas will be colder than usual.

He dragged himself back inside their house and upstairs to Haruko's bedroom. He could hear muffled sobbing inside. Akagi knocked and called to her sister hesitantly, "Ruko? May I come in?"

Akagi heard the soft click on the other side of the room and then she saw her sister peeked through the half-open door. "Yeah. I can use a company right now."

Akagi entered her room and sat on one of the chair. He found a photo album opened on her sister's bed. Upon closer inspection, Akagi saw that this album contained the pictures of the National tournament. He felt himself getting misty-eyed.

"Oniichan…did you read my diary?"

Akagi couldn't suppress the blush that tainted his cheek. Haruko giggle in spite of her tears and Akagi was thankful that she was laughing like a kid again.

"Well…anou…eherm…I wasn't reading it. I merely glanced at it."

Haruko giggled again and teased her brother further. "Didn't mother tell you not to touch someone else's things?" Akagi blushed even more. Haruko laughed heartily but she stopped at once. Her face was marred by sadness again. "That's ok. It was rubbish anyway…"

"Haruko…" Akagi started but she was cut off by Haruko.

"Don't worry. I just realized I don't hate him. The truth is, I hate myself because he died."

Akagi moved and sat on her bed, embracing Haruko gingerly. If he only found out sooner, she didn't have to undergo through this painful process. And he was called an older brother.

"Oniichan, I know you're blaming yourself," Akagi was surprised at how easily his sister could read him. "Don't. It's not your fault I was stupid. Besides, it's not like I'm going to jump off the bridge or something."

In spite of the situation, Akagi couldn't suppress a laugh. Leave it to his sister, to joke around at a time like this. "Why are you angry, anyway?" he asked.

Haruko shrugged her shoulders and in a broken voice, told Akagi the truth, "I don't know. I guess it's because I've never asked him what his Christmas wish was. I felt guilty that I didn't do anything to make him happy."

"So he also asked you his Christmas wish?"

"Yeah. I didn't tell him because it's about Rukawa." Haruko turned a bit crimson but she continued, "Why?"

"He seemed to have asked each and every member what was theirs." Suddenly, Haruko became quiet all of a sudden. Akagi feared that he had said something wrong. But to his relief, Haruko spoke up.

"That what makes it sadder. He won't be around to know if our Christmas wishes come true."

"That's where you're wrong." Haruko looked up at her brother quizzically as he retrieved a small notebook from his side and flipped it to a certain page.

 "Have you ever wondered what Sakuragi's wish was?"

Haruko shook her head because she had never bothered to ask him. "I wish I did…" Haruko remorsefully said.

Akagi's face broke into a smile and went closer to her side. He then pointed to a passage in the notebook. From what she saw, this was Sakuragi's handwriting. Haruko gazed at her brother in amazement.

"Aiko-san gave it to me. She told me Sakuragi would have wanted you to have this."

Haruko read the passage Akagi pointed at her and it made her cry once again.

I've already asked them what they wanted for Christmas. Yes, even that baka-kitsune. You just don't know how this tensai tried his very best not to retch at that kitsune-otoko's sight. Yes, I even asked my beloved Haruko-chan ("Beloved? Is there something I should know?" Akagi just scratches his head). Too bad, she didn't tell me what it is. I hope I could do something for them. But I'm broke. Damn it…. I wish I could all make their wishes come true.

"From what I heard…all of their wishes came true."

Haruko buried her head on her brother's shoulder so that he wouldn't see her crying and smiling at the same time. "Hanamichi…thank you very much."

That night, Haruko dreamed peacefully in her sleep.

"Haruko."

Haruko turned around and found Sakuragi smiling at her. They were in the Shohoku basketball court and she was happy to see him in the way she always remembered Sakuragi. Happy, full of mirth, and lively.

"Sakuragi-kun…"

"Thank you, Haruko."

Haruko moved to reach out to Sakuragi but she caught herself in time. It's better this way she said to herself. Instead, she gave him a smile and she was glad to see him smile her way. Sakuragi gave her a thumbs up and boasted, "You know I'll always be there for you." Haruko nodded, too overwhelm to speak.

He gave her a jovial wave before turning around and finally stepping out of the door. Haruko stood at the middle court with a big smile on her face and tears streaming down her cheek. Alone inside the court, she noticed how bright this day seemed to be. She could hear the birds chirping outside. She could see the sunshine that bathed the court. And in this serenity, Haruko had felt an odd happiness and sadness*.

 "I'm going to miss you, Hanamichi." She picked up a basketball and hugged it closed to her chest. "Sayonara, Hanamichi."