Harry Potter and the Joke that Killed: Chapter Thirteen
A/N: Three cheers for people who review!! HIP HIP. HORRAY! HIP HIP. HORRAY!! HIP HIP. HORRAY!!! Thanx so much guys. They like me *tear* they really like me!
Oh yes, I do own Harry Potter! I'm positively rolling in dough and have created one of the most well-written and imaginative works this century! Yes, indeed. oh wait, that was a dream.
Nevermind.
* * * * *
Over the course of that week, Harry picked up many tidbits of George Weasley and Nancy Freeston's hidden relationship that had been eluding him ever since she had joined the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
For starters, the two were very touchy-feely with each other, holding hands, arms around shoulders, playing with hair, etc. And the nicknames "Georgie-poo" and "Nannie-Fannie" weren't exactly platonic either. But the biggest tip-off was when Harry walked in on them making out.
That was just plain scarring.
It was in the Gryffindor common room, of all places, around a corner and inside a closet. Harry was innocently looking for some spare parchment when he stumbled upon the two, and gasped audibly.
The poor couple was just as startled as Harry was, and quickly pulled the boy into the closet with them. "Shhh, oh please oh please oh please, don't tell anyone!" was the first thing out of Nancy's mouth. Besides George's tongue.
"OH MY GOSH!!" Harry scream-whispered in shock, as he brought his wand out and Lumos-ed it.
"I know it looks really bad right now," George began, his face slightly greenish, whether by the light cast by Harry's wand or the uncomfortable situation.
"Psh, yah." emphasized Harry.
"But it's not what it seems, I swear!" the red-head finished.
"So what, you were copying the homework from your mouth into hers?!" Harry asked rhetorically. This was mind boggling, little Nancy was six years his junior!
"Well, yes, this is what it looks like, but our relationship isn't." George argued.
"I'm in love with him, it's not just kissing in closets!" added Nancy.
George nodded emphatically then his eyebrows scrunched together and his mouth dropped open. "Y-you're in love? With me?"
Nancy looked sheepish and smiled broadly. "Well. yeah, I am. I love you, George Weasley."
Harry felt he was going to be sick.
"I love you too, Nancy Freeston." George replied in a choked voice. Then they embraced, and Harry's condition skyrocketed from slight nausea to a full-blown flu migraine. He had no idea virus's stemmed from irritating scenarios.
"Aw, c'mon, I don't want to see that." Harry protested, turning around to face the door. It wasn't that he wasn't excited for his friends, it was that he wanted to know why everyone else seemed to be falling in love, and Harry was left the untouchable Boy-Who-Lived. He'd trade some lousy scar for a girlfriend any day.
"Sorry." Nancy mumbled, pulling away from her 'lover.'
"It's just. well, Nan and I know what people'll think." George explained.
"They'll react pretty much the way you did." said Nancy.
"And we don't want something like this to be trashed by everyone else. They wouldn't understand." George finished.
Ugh, they were even completing each other's sentences. "You're secret's safe with me, just remember, you can't keep this in the closet for too long, if you know what I mean." Harry recommended.
"I know, I know, I think Fred suspects something, but I can't bring myself to spill it," was George's excuse. "I just know he'd tear us to pieces, making fun of Nancy and I. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes would never recover. Hell, I don't even think I'd ever recover."
"It's not that we're ashamed or anything, but. well, it's complicated. George is eighteen in a couple of months, and I'm barely twelve. My parent's'd flip." Nancy explained, and Harry had to agree.
"You're so much more mature than twelve, though." complimented George.
"And you're so much more immature than eighteen!" Nancy exclaimed teasingly.
"See? A perfect match, we're meant to be." said George, wrapping his arms once more around his 'girlfriend.'
Harry stifled a gag and shook his head. "Alright, alright. It's up to you two, just remember that they're gonna find out sooner or later."
"I'd much rather it be later, myself." Nancy commented, and George agreed.
Harry heaved a sigh. "Okay, I'll walk out first with Nancy, then you can come out in a few minutes, George. Make sure nobody'll suspect anything."
"Ooh, smart move Harry. Seems like you've done this before." surmised George as Harry opened the door tentatively.
I wish, Harry thought, before sticking his wand back into his robes and striking out into the bright common room with Nancy. He had forgotten all about the needed parchment.
"What happened to you, Harry, you get lost or something?" Hermione asked jokingly.
"I'm fine." Harry breathed, swallowing the lump in his throat. He was never any good at lying. Nancy patted him on the back supportively and sauntered back over to her group of first-year friends.
"Looks more like the parchment roughed you up a bit." Ron remarked skeptically, taking in Harry's flushed face, rumpled hair, and wrinkled robes. Ron and Hermione traded glances, but nothing was said with their friend present.
(^*^)
George and Nancy's secret love reached an all time shameless low the following breakfast. Apparently elated about avoiding discovery, they began flirting fearlessly, sitting next to each other and giggling and displaying other repulsive affections.
Harry was forced to get up from his seat at the end of the table and march towards them, planting himself between the two young lovers. Nancy didn't give up that easily though, and Harry had to resort to physical force to keep her hands to herself, pinning them to her sides in an awkward hug- thing.
Hermione and Ron almost combusted from confusion, but Harry, keeping his promise like a good lil boy, clamped his mouth shut tight. Not one Gryffindor was any the wiser about George and Nancy's taboo relationship.
The match against Ravenclaw was scheduled for that weekend, the first of December, and Ron's beater training was coming along very well. He was almost exactly like his brother now, George had taught him well.
"You ready?" Harry asked his friend that Friday night before bed.
"As ready as I'll ever be. I sure am terrified, Harry." Ron replied.
"You'll be fine, stop worrying. Everyone thinks you're great, talented, you fly well, and Ravenclaw's a pushover." Though that last bit Harry wasn't quite sure of. Cho Chang, whom Harry still felt a pang of lust over, was a seeker on the team, and their chasers were very fast and slippery. Gryffindor needed any advantage they could get, and so far all they had was Lewis Mabblehauser, who actually turned out to be quite a good keeper.
"I hope I don't choke." Ron wondered aloud, and Harry threw a slipper at him.
"Shut up Ron!! I'm beginning to think you're just fishing for compliments." Harry teased. Even though it wasn't true, it got the redhead to settle down enough to fall into a nervous sleep.
(^*^)
The next morning, Harry awoke at quarter to six to find Ron shaking him. "Whaddyawant?" Harry mumbled.
"I need your help Harry, come with me downstairs." Ron pleaded.
The note of urgency jolted Harry awake, and he sat up, put on some warmer robes, and followed his friend down into the common room.
"I couldn't sleep, and then when I finally did, I had nightmares about falling off of my broom, or getting mangled by a bludger. I've been awake since three." explained Ron.
"What are you so freaking scared of? Ron, look at me. You'll. Do. Fine. I wouldn't lie to you, and you wouldn't be on the team if there was the slightest clue you'd screw it up for us. And the team won't blame you even if you do." Harry comforted, a bit sharper than was needed.
"Dunno Harry, I can't help but thinking that. well, that I got the position just because they pitied me. Being the younger brother and all."
"Of course not! You're a great beater, nobody else could've done it better."
"Ya sure?"
"We were tempted to not put you on the team for that reason, but your obvious natural skills convinced us. It even got Fred to admit it. C'mon, stop being a prat."
"Okay, okay. I guess there's no chance in us getting to sleep now, huh?"
"Nope," Harry said, stifling a huge yawn. "You wanna see what the house elves got fixed up so far?"
"Why not." Ron agreed, and together the two friends went downstairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. When they entered, the only people present were Draco Malfoy and Cho Chang.
Cho was startling enough for poor Harry, but the sight of Draco made him gasp. The blonde boy had a giant purple black eye, with mustard yellow outlinings, and a nasty gash across his cheek below it. His whole face was swollen up so bad, he was sipping chicken broth through a straw.
"What happened to you?" Harry asked in spite of himself.
"Snuve it, Putter." spat Malfoy as best he could. Harry just smiled and grabbed a large hunk of raisin bread from the tray and opened his mouth wide, chewing openly. The Slytherin, clearly insulted sufficiently, turned around back to his broth.
"Whatever happened, I hope it hurts him. Bad." Ron commented, sitting beside Harry.
"Nervous, boys?" a small voice said from behind them. Harry and Ron whipped around and turned equally red when they realized that it was Cho.
"I only get nervous when I'm threatened." replied Ron, smiling. Harry only wished he could say something witty, but was tongue tied.
Cho laughed, a light, feathery sound, and smiled. "Congratulations on snagging the spot, Ron. So you're the new beater." Harry turned emerald with envy at those cherry lips uttering his FRIENDS name, but shook it off, reminding himself that Ron was indeed his friend.
"Yup. And you'd better watch out, too." Ron answered, a twinkling, flirtatious threat. Since when was Ron such a ladies man?
"Good luck today, you two." wished Cho.
"Thanks." Harry finally managed to get out.
"Yeah, right back at you Cho." said Ron, then turned around casually and began devouring sausage after sausage.
Harry was nice and enraged for the game that day. How dare Ron steal his girl! Okay, so he didn't really steal her. and he didn't exactly know that Harry liked her. and Cho didn't exactly know that Harry liked her either. but still, it was the principle of the thing.
But, deep down, Harry knew he was mad just because he wished he could be that smooth with the ladies. He'd never had any sort of female attention paid to him, ever, in his life. gosh, even DUDLEY had a girlfriend! Granted, she was an ugly brute resembling Goyle, but that was a match made in heaven. And he'd take a Goyle-look-alike any day over lonesomeness. Well, maybe. He didn't know if he was that desperate yet.
"Whew, I saved you there, buddy." Ron muttered between bites, bringing Harry back from la-la land.
"What? Saved me?" Harry asked, not understanding.
"I saw the look on your face when Cho started flirting with you. Dread, you didn't want to be caught. Well don't worry, your secret's safe with me, the little woman will never find out."
Now Harry was downright freaked out. Had the pressure from the Ravenclaw game finally cracked Ron? "What on God's green earth are you talking about? The little woman?!"
"I know, Harry. I KNOW." Ron whispered meaningfully.
"Bonnie for you then, but I don't." Harry replied.
Ron rolled his eyes and slammed his fork on the table. "Stop playing dumb, I found out about you and Nancy!"
Harry's mouth dropped open, and his fork clattered down onto the white tablecloth also. "Wha - nghhh, excuse me?" This could be bad.
"You and that blonde first year, Nancy Freeston! I mean, last night it was kind of weird that you and her came out of the same closet looking fussed up and breathing heavily. You never did get that so-called 'parchment,'" Ron said. Oh crap, this was really bad. "But this morning, when Nancy was sitting next to George and giggling with him, you got so mad you actually separated them, hugging her and everything! You're not exactly an expert at hiding you two's obvious relationship, Harry."
Harry just let his mouth hang open, while Ron drawled on. "I know why you're embarrassed about it, she's just a first year. But Rita Skeeter's in Bulgaria somewhere, you're safe from Witch Weekly for a while at least."
"That's not true, you've got it all wrong." Harry stuttered.
Just then, with impeccable timing, in walked George and Fred. Ron continued, though, obviously oblivious. "You and Nancy actually make a cute couple, Harry, don't worry about it. It's not like you're that much older than she is."
Oh, it's SO bad. Harry thought. His life was over. George's eyes bugged out, and Harry shook his head viciously to imply that he didn't tell him. "What's going on, Ron?" George asked nonchalantly.
"Nothing, just Harry's denying his love-affair with your Wizard Wheezes partner, Nancy Freeston. Can you believe it?" Ron said.
Harry and George exchanged pleading looks, before the twin sealed poor Harry's fate. "Oh really, yeah, I'd heard something about that. Way to go, Har."
It was so bad.
* * * * *
A/N: Oh poor Harry! He's being framed I tell you, FRAMED!! I know, I know, it's sorta like what happened on the TV show Friends between Monica, Chandler, and Joey, but it's so fun, isn't it? Did I make you laugh? C'mon, I hope I at least inspired a giggle! Review me, purty please, it'll be fun!
Love from,
Saranimal
HaloGal5@aol.com
A/N: Three cheers for people who review!! HIP HIP. HORRAY! HIP HIP. HORRAY!! HIP HIP. HORRAY!!! Thanx so much guys. They like me *tear* they really like me!
Oh yes, I do own Harry Potter! I'm positively rolling in dough and have created one of the most well-written and imaginative works this century! Yes, indeed. oh wait, that was a dream.
Nevermind.
* * * * *
Over the course of that week, Harry picked up many tidbits of George Weasley and Nancy Freeston's hidden relationship that had been eluding him ever since she had joined the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
For starters, the two were very touchy-feely with each other, holding hands, arms around shoulders, playing with hair, etc. And the nicknames "Georgie-poo" and "Nannie-Fannie" weren't exactly platonic either. But the biggest tip-off was when Harry walked in on them making out.
That was just plain scarring.
It was in the Gryffindor common room, of all places, around a corner and inside a closet. Harry was innocently looking for some spare parchment when he stumbled upon the two, and gasped audibly.
The poor couple was just as startled as Harry was, and quickly pulled the boy into the closet with them. "Shhh, oh please oh please oh please, don't tell anyone!" was the first thing out of Nancy's mouth. Besides George's tongue.
"OH MY GOSH!!" Harry scream-whispered in shock, as he brought his wand out and Lumos-ed it.
"I know it looks really bad right now," George began, his face slightly greenish, whether by the light cast by Harry's wand or the uncomfortable situation.
"Psh, yah." emphasized Harry.
"But it's not what it seems, I swear!" the red-head finished.
"So what, you were copying the homework from your mouth into hers?!" Harry asked rhetorically. This was mind boggling, little Nancy was six years his junior!
"Well, yes, this is what it looks like, but our relationship isn't." George argued.
"I'm in love with him, it's not just kissing in closets!" added Nancy.
George nodded emphatically then his eyebrows scrunched together and his mouth dropped open. "Y-you're in love? With me?"
Nancy looked sheepish and smiled broadly. "Well. yeah, I am. I love you, George Weasley."
Harry felt he was going to be sick.
"I love you too, Nancy Freeston." George replied in a choked voice. Then they embraced, and Harry's condition skyrocketed from slight nausea to a full-blown flu migraine. He had no idea virus's stemmed from irritating scenarios.
"Aw, c'mon, I don't want to see that." Harry protested, turning around to face the door. It wasn't that he wasn't excited for his friends, it was that he wanted to know why everyone else seemed to be falling in love, and Harry was left the untouchable Boy-Who-Lived. He'd trade some lousy scar for a girlfriend any day.
"Sorry." Nancy mumbled, pulling away from her 'lover.'
"It's just. well, Nan and I know what people'll think." George explained.
"They'll react pretty much the way you did." said Nancy.
"And we don't want something like this to be trashed by everyone else. They wouldn't understand." George finished.
Ugh, they were even completing each other's sentences. "You're secret's safe with me, just remember, you can't keep this in the closet for too long, if you know what I mean." Harry recommended.
"I know, I know, I think Fred suspects something, but I can't bring myself to spill it," was George's excuse. "I just know he'd tear us to pieces, making fun of Nancy and I. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes would never recover. Hell, I don't even think I'd ever recover."
"It's not that we're ashamed or anything, but. well, it's complicated. George is eighteen in a couple of months, and I'm barely twelve. My parent's'd flip." Nancy explained, and Harry had to agree.
"You're so much more mature than twelve, though." complimented George.
"And you're so much more immature than eighteen!" Nancy exclaimed teasingly.
"See? A perfect match, we're meant to be." said George, wrapping his arms once more around his 'girlfriend.'
Harry stifled a gag and shook his head. "Alright, alright. It's up to you two, just remember that they're gonna find out sooner or later."
"I'd much rather it be later, myself." Nancy commented, and George agreed.
Harry heaved a sigh. "Okay, I'll walk out first with Nancy, then you can come out in a few minutes, George. Make sure nobody'll suspect anything."
"Ooh, smart move Harry. Seems like you've done this before." surmised George as Harry opened the door tentatively.
I wish, Harry thought, before sticking his wand back into his robes and striking out into the bright common room with Nancy. He had forgotten all about the needed parchment.
"What happened to you, Harry, you get lost or something?" Hermione asked jokingly.
"I'm fine." Harry breathed, swallowing the lump in his throat. He was never any good at lying. Nancy patted him on the back supportively and sauntered back over to her group of first-year friends.
"Looks more like the parchment roughed you up a bit." Ron remarked skeptically, taking in Harry's flushed face, rumpled hair, and wrinkled robes. Ron and Hermione traded glances, but nothing was said with their friend present.
(^*^)
George and Nancy's secret love reached an all time shameless low the following breakfast. Apparently elated about avoiding discovery, they began flirting fearlessly, sitting next to each other and giggling and displaying other repulsive affections.
Harry was forced to get up from his seat at the end of the table and march towards them, planting himself between the two young lovers. Nancy didn't give up that easily though, and Harry had to resort to physical force to keep her hands to herself, pinning them to her sides in an awkward hug- thing.
Hermione and Ron almost combusted from confusion, but Harry, keeping his promise like a good lil boy, clamped his mouth shut tight. Not one Gryffindor was any the wiser about George and Nancy's taboo relationship.
The match against Ravenclaw was scheduled for that weekend, the first of December, and Ron's beater training was coming along very well. He was almost exactly like his brother now, George had taught him well.
"You ready?" Harry asked his friend that Friday night before bed.
"As ready as I'll ever be. I sure am terrified, Harry." Ron replied.
"You'll be fine, stop worrying. Everyone thinks you're great, talented, you fly well, and Ravenclaw's a pushover." Though that last bit Harry wasn't quite sure of. Cho Chang, whom Harry still felt a pang of lust over, was a seeker on the team, and their chasers were very fast and slippery. Gryffindor needed any advantage they could get, and so far all they had was Lewis Mabblehauser, who actually turned out to be quite a good keeper.
"I hope I don't choke." Ron wondered aloud, and Harry threw a slipper at him.
"Shut up Ron!! I'm beginning to think you're just fishing for compliments." Harry teased. Even though it wasn't true, it got the redhead to settle down enough to fall into a nervous sleep.
(^*^)
The next morning, Harry awoke at quarter to six to find Ron shaking him. "Whaddyawant?" Harry mumbled.
"I need your help Harry, come with me downstairs." Ron pleaded.
The note of urgency jolted Harry awake, and he sat up, put on some warmer robes, and followed his friend down into the common room.
"I couldn't sleep, and then when I finally did, I had nightmares about falling off of my broom, or getting mangled by a bludger. I've been awake since three." explained Ron.
"What are you so freaking scared of? Ron, look at me. You'll. Do. Fine. I wouldn't lie to you, and you wouldn't be on the team if there was the slightest clue you'd screw it up for us. And the team won't blame you even if you do." Harry comforted, a bit sharper than was needed.
"Dunno Harry, I can't help but thinking that. well, that I got the position just because they pitied me. Being the younger brother and all."
"Of course not! You're a great beater, nobody else could've done it better."
"Ya sure?"
"We were tempted to not put you on the team for that reason, but your obvious natural skills convinced us. It even got Fred to admit it. C'mon, stop being a prat."
"Okay, okay. I guess there's no chance in us getting to sleep now, huh?"
"Nope," Harry said, stifling a huge yawn. "You wanna see what the house elves got fixed up so far?"
"Why not." Ron agreed, and together the two friends went downstairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. When they entered, the only people present were Draco Malfoy and Cho Chang.
Cho was startling enough for poor Harry, but the sight of Draco made him gasp. The blonde boy had a giant purple black eye, with mustard yellow outlinings, and a nasty gash across his cheek below it. His whole face was swollen up so bad, he was sipping chicken broth through a straw.
"What happened to you?" Harry asked in spite of himself.
"Snuve it, Putter." spat Malfoy as best he could. Harry just smiled and grabbed a large hunk of raisin bread from the tray and opened his mouth wide, chewing openly. The Slytherin, clearly insulted sufficiently, turned around back to his broth.
"Whatever happened, I hope it hurts him. Bad." Ron commented, sitting beside Harry.
"Nervous, boys?" a small voice said from behind them. Harry and Ron whipped around and turned equally red when they realized that it was Cho.
"I only get nervous when I'm threatened." replied Ron, smiling. Harry only wished he could say something witty, but was tongue tied.
Cho laughed, a light, feathery sound, and smiled. "Congratulations on snagging the spot, Ron. So you're the new beater." Harry turned emerald with envy at those cherry lips uttering his FRIENDS name, but shook it off, reminding himself that Ron was indeed his friend.
"Yup. And you'd better watch out, too." Ron answered, a twinkling, flirtatious threat. Since when was Ron such a ladies man?
"Good luck today, you two." wished Cho.
"Thanks." Harry finally managed to get out.
"Yeah, right back at you Cho." said Ron, then turned around casually and began devouring sausage after sausage.
Harry was nice and enraged for the game that day. How dare Ron steal his girl! Okay, so he didn't really steal her. and he didn't exactly know that Harry liked her. and Cho didn't exactly know that Harry liked her either. but still, it was the principle of the thing.
But, deep down, Harry knew he was mad just because he wished he could be that smooth with the ladies. He'd never had any sort of female attention paid to him, ever, in his life. gosh, even DUDLEY had a girlfriend! Granted, she was an ugly brute resembling Goyle, but that was a match made in heaven. And he'd take a Goyle-look-alike any day over lonesomeness. Well, maybe. He didn't know if he was that desperate yet.
"Whew, I saved you there, buddy." Ron muttered between bites, bringing Harry back from la-la land.
"What? Saved me?" Harry asked, not understanding.
"I saw the look on your face when Cho started flirting with you. Dread, you didn't want to be caught. Well don't worry, your secret's safe with me, the little woman will never find out."
Now Harry was downright freaked out. Had the pressure from the Ravenclaw game finally cracked Ron? "What on God's green earth are you talking about? The little woman?!"
"I know, Harry. I KNOW." Ron whispered meaningfully.
"Bonnie for you then, but I don't." Harry replied.
Ron rolled his eyes and slammed his fork on the table. "Stop playing dumb, I found out about you and Nancy!"
Harry's mouth dropped open, and his fork clattered down onto the white tablecloth also. "Wha - nghhh, excuse me?" This could be bad.
"You and that blonde first year, Nancy Freeston! I mean, last night it was kind of weird that you and her came out of the same closet looking fussed up and breathing heavily. You never did get that so-called 'parchment,'" Ron said. Oh crap, this was really bad. "But this morning, when Nancy was sitting next to George and giggling with him, you got so mad you actually separated them, hugging her and everything! You're not exactly an expert at hiding you two's obvious relationship, Harry."
Harry just let his mouth hang open, while Ron drawled on. "I know why you're embarrassed about it, she's just a first year. But Rita Skeeter's in Bulgaria somewhere, you're safe from Witch Weekly for a while at least."
"That's not true, you've got it all wrong." Harry stuttered.
Just then, with impeccable timing, in walked George and Fred. Ron continued, though, obviously oblivious. "You and Nancy actually make a cute couple, Harry, don't worry about it. It's not like you're that much older than she is."
Oh, it's SO bad. Harry thought. His life was over. George's eyes bugged out, and Harry shook his head viciously to imply that he didn't tell him. "What's going on, Ron?" George asked nonchalantly.
"Nothing, just Harry's denying his love-affair with your Wizard Wheezes partner, Nancy Freeston. Can you believe it?" Ron said.
Harry and George exchanged pleading looks, before the twin sealed poor Harry's fate. "Oh really, yeah, I'd heard something about that. Way to go, Har."
It was so bad.
* * * * *
A/N: Oh poor Harry! He's being framed I tell you, FRAMED!! I know, I know, it's sorta like what happened on the TV show Friends between Monica, Chandler, and Joey, but it's so fun, isn't it? Did I make you laugh? C'mon, I hope I at least inspired a giggle! Review me, purty please, it'll be fun!
Love from,
Saranimal
HaloGal5@aol.com