Harry Potter and the Joke that Killed: Chapter Fifteen
A/N: Wow, that poor little review button got quite a bit of exercise from that last chappie, thank goodness. I was afraid the little guy was growing lazy and gluttonous. Here's to:
Crawler: You don't like it that I put Nancy and George together?? But you SO have to keep reading! I'm going to have a plethora of fun with the whole Harry and Nancy but it's really George and Nancy stuffa. Pweese? *gives sad teary eyes* Otherwise, you can just not read the next two chaps or so and then the story'll be back on it's original tracks. I won't beg and plead any longer, except for this next sentence: WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU STAY?!?!?!?!?! lol, it's your choice, really, whether to miss out on this amazing bit of fan fiction or not.
Bookworm2000: Whoa. So THAT's a snicket book. you're right, I do wish I hadn't asked. How confusing! I'll have to check those puppies out though, sounds interesting.
Lauren: Heehee, your reviews make me feel like I'm tormenting you! Is it wrong that I like that feeling?
Huntress: Oooh, you'll give me a cracker? OKAY!! *munches happily* yay-rah I love food! Thanks bundles for your 'long arse' review, it makes me feel all squishy inside to be compared to the ACTUAL author of the Harry Potter saga. Whoopee!
Serie: Nope, Ravenclaw quidditch players aren't named after books! Nice guess though, and THE ONLY FRACKIN READER that managed to take a stab at it! Grr. well, thanks anyways.
By the by, the theme I used for the Ravenclaw quidditch players were schools here in Oklahoma. Bishop Kelley and Bishop McGuinness are Catholic private schools, Carl Albert is, well, I dunno what, but we played them in volleyball. Norman North and Edmond Memorial are public schools, Norman is in the college town where OU is located (go Sooners!) and Edmond Memorial is in Edmond, OK and is frackin' BIG!! They've got, like, twelve million gymnasiums. Okay, more like three, but still, that's a lot for podunk okie- land!
DISCLAIMER: Only cool people own Harry Potter. Which is why I don't.
* * * * *
Draco Malfoy had Harry pinned to the floor, a sharp piece of the former Hufflepuff table pressed against his neck. A crazed look was in the blonde boy's eyes, and Harry felt himself expecting to die.
Suddenly, Draco shivered and his icy eyes melted. "Oh God," he whispered, taking the weapon away from Harry's throat and flinging it aside like it was in fire. "He's turned me into him. I'm no better than him." Malfoy was now shivering, and quickly he got up off of Harry and backed up against the cold, stone wall.
"I - I'm sorry, Harry." he sputtered, using his enemy's first name for once, and with that fled the scene. Harry was left on the floor, chest heaving, still processing it all. The first thing was, 'Oh thank God I'm alive.' The next thought was. who was the 'him' Malfoy was so devastated at turning into? The first person Harry assumed was, of course, Voldemort, but since when had The Dark Lord invited schoolboys into his private circle?
"Since Malfoy goes to Hogwarts with you." replied a voice inside Harry's pounding head. Oh heavens, could that be true? Could Voldemort have employed Draco to harm him, since they were both at Hogwarts and security was so tight that no other follower could get in? But then again, why would the Slytherin be so disappointed at becoming like him, it was a known fact that Draco idolized He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Things were certainly confusing in Harry's life.
Slowly Harry got up from the floor, creaking bones protesting. It looked as if his left wrist might have suffered a nasty sprain, or even a break. He wished Malfoy would have stayed long enough to share his healing spell, but conjuring up a cast would have to suffice. Harry could always pass it off as injuring it during the quidditch match.
For some odd reason, Harry felt no reason to tell Dumbledore about the little escapade that morning and get Malfoy in trouble. He'd get detention anyway for throwing the apple to begin with, it'd be in his best interests not to squeal. But the real reason for hiding the truth stayed hidden, stored in the same place as his sullen anger at not being the best; the look in Draco Malfoy's eyes was enough to cover all those years of torment and hatred and see, for the first time, a human being. No, a child. Draco looked positively disgusted at what he had done, what somebody had ingrained in him to do. And for the first time in his life, Harry felt sorry for the boy.
It would have been so easy to forget that the whole thing happened and walk out of the great hall right then, had it been for the Hufflepuff House Table. The poor thing was now in thirty-seven trillion bits, strewn halfway across the hall. A dueling spell had reduced it to mere kindling. What to do?
Suddenly, the answer to all Harry's problems walked into the room. Dobby. "What has master done in heres?" the house elf inquired, his tennis- ball eyes squinting in a scolding way.
"An accident, Dobby, which I would be very much obliged for you to erase for me." Harry cunningly replied.
"Oh no, Dumbledores said for Dobby to report any troubles to him alone, Dobby couldn't disobey his master, no, no, no!" And with that, the house elf bent over and bit his own knobbley knee, making very deep teeth marks. "Dobby is a bad house elf, Dobby mustn't betray master Dumbledore, master has been so kind to Dobby, so kind, so kind."
"But remember me, Dobby, your old master Harry? Good Harry Potter, who freed you from Mr. Malfoy?" Harry hated to say it, he knew it was basically blackmailing his old friend, who had saved him during the third task of the TriWizard Tournament with the gillyweed. of course, he'd done it upon the urging of Professor Moody/Bartemius Crouch Jr., but he'd come through nonetheless. If Hermione could see him now, she would royally kick his butt.
Dobby began stepping on his own toes like a madman while pondering Harry's tempting offer. "Dobby adores master Harry, sir, yes he does. But he can't. oh no, can't, can't, can't!"
"Dumbledore will never KNOW, Dobby. And remember, he isn't your master, you're a free elf. Free, Dobby, you can do whatever you want." Harry pointed out.
The house elf's face went blank, and then his eyes lit up (now resembling light bulbs), and he nodded emphatically. "Harry Potter is right, sir, his point is true! Dobby IS a free elf, and he can make whatever decisions he wants to! Yes, sir, Dobby will help his good friend master Harry!" Delighted with his choice, the little elf began scurrying around picking up bits of table.
"How're we going to replace it, Dobby? I mean, there's no way people won't notice a whole table missing!" Harry inquired.
"Oh, not to worry Harry Potter, not to worry. Dobby has it under control." the house elf answered with a wink. As soon as every last table bit was collected, down to the tiniest splinter, Dobby raised his hands above his head profoundly, bringing them down suddenly with a loud SWOOSH.
The bits of table quivered, rearranging themselves on the floor, the old Hufflepuff table taking shape once more. The cracks were fused together, as if the wood was growing at top speed, and not a scratch could be seen.
"That's amazing, Dobby! How did you do that?" asked Harry incredulously.
Dobby winked. "House elves have powerful magic, sir, yes they do. They just don't let on much, do they?"
"No, they don't. Dumbledore's lucky he's got a friend like you." Harry complimented, running his hands over the flawless surface. Harry's own astonished face was shining back up at him from the mirror-like mahogany.
Dobby clapped his hands to his mouth and shook his head. "Oh no sir, you can't mean that Dobby is - is master Dumbledore's friend??" And then, with a squeal of utter delight, Dobby rushed forward and hugged Harry's knees tightly.
"Dobby is lucky to have a friend like you, Harry Potter sir. Lucky, lucky, lucky." whispered the house elf to the boy's legs. Harry patted the egg-shaped head affectionately. Though odd more often than not, Dobby was certainly an appreciative little creature.
"Oh! Dobby must be going, sir, but he will make you a special breakfast just for you, yes he will! Goodbye Mr. Harry sir! Thank you!" Dobby called as he rushed out the door, and then with a sudden crack he was gone.
How it had gotten from Dobby doing Harry a favor, to Dobby thanking Harry profusely for LETTING him do the favor could never be deciphered, with a cheerful smile on his face the boy grabbed the thrown apple up off the floor and walked out of the room.
(^*^)
In a slightly better mood, Harry entered the common room a mere fifteen minutes after leaving it, though it felt more like fifteen years. Hermione was up already, along with Neville, who was asking her questions on the Potions homework they had been assigned the previous day. The remainder of the Gryffindor house was fast asleep, recovering from the mad partying last night.
"Good morning, Harry." Hermione greeted.
"Yeah, hey." nodded Harry.
Harry was on his way upstairs when Neville's voice stopped him. "Is it true, Harry? Are you and Nancy really going out?" the round boy asked.
Harry took a big breath and got ready to fib. "Yup, Nan is my little honey all right." It came out a bit more sarcastic than he'd intended.
"Really? That's great! You see, when I saw the newspaper this morning, I thought it was just gossip. You know, the junk they usually write about in Witch Weekly." replied Neville.
Harry's heart began pumping rapidly at these words as his worst fear was realized. Rita Skeeter? Oh no, it can't be, not again! "Wha-wha. huh?"
"Witch Weekly, you know, the magical magazine? You're in it once again, old boy." Hermione suggested.
"WHAT?!" screeched Harry, marching back over to the table. "Here, lemme see."
"Right here, under 'Young Love.'" directed Hermione.
"My life is over." Harry declared as he read the article.
YOUNG LOVE by Natosha Knosie.
Last year, Witch Weekly took it upon itself to monitor the activities of our dear Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, at boarding school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As you all know, we reported that poor Harry's delicate heart was broken by the coarse Hermione Granger, who refused his love. Well, we now happily report that Harry has recovered and moved on.
According to numerous reports, the boy is now dating a spunky first- year Nancy Freeston. They recently celebrated their one-month anniversary, to which Harry surprised the attractive girl by a romantic dinner beneath the stars in the astronomy tower. A close friend of the couple was quoted to say that "Those two can't seem to keep their hands off each other, and even had a go in a closet together in the common room."
Well, I'm sure that now Ms. Granger is rethinking her refusal of Potter's adoration.
"In the closet, huh Harry?" Neville inquired with a knowing grin.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!" Harry roared, throwing the paper down on the table.
"Now, now, you can't expect your private affairs to go unnoticed, what with your reputation and all. I'm surprised they didn't massacre you further." tutted Hermione, smoothing the article.
"Oh my Lord, and they tore you to bits 'Mione! I'm so sorry!" Harry apologized.
"Not to worry, nobody I know even reads this magazine anyways. You and Ron know it's not true, and you're the only one's I care about." Hermione answered. Harry thought this was very mature of her, they had made her out to be an uncaring sycophant.
(A/N: Okay, so I'm not quite sure what a 'sycophant' is, but it's a fun word, huh?)
"Well, whether you wanted to or not, your relationship is out in the open now." Neville pointed out.
"Darnit, and Nancy's parents! D'you think they're reading it right now? And do you think I'm going to be getting a howler anytime soon for cradle robbing their daughter?" Harry speculated. He prayed that Mr. Freeston wasn't a big man.
"I'm sure any parent would be delighted to have YOU as a prospective son-in-law. I mean, you're a celebrity. You're Harry Potter! They're positively going to love you." Hermione comforted, but that just made Harry feel worse. What were the parents going to think when they discovered that The-Boy-Who-Lived actually wasn't their son-in-law, and instead it was the even older George Weasley, troublemaker, prankster, and now practically a felon!
"Erm, yay. Good for me, then, I guess." Harry stated, then rushed upstairs to tell George before anybody else did.
"George. hey George, get up, this is really important." Harry coaxed as he poked the red head.
"Eymphred." he mumbled.
"Up and at 'em, loverboy, because we've got major problems." prodded Harry.
"I said, I'm FRED!" the redhead said, rolling over and displaying the telltale freckle on his nose that was the only way to really tell the twins apart.
"Oh, erm, false alarm then. Goodnight!" stated Harry cheerily. Fred just groaned and fell back asleep.
Harry walked over to the other redhead and poked this one. "George?" he asked, taking a precaution this time.
"Wha?" George replied.
"Get up, I've got big things to talk to you about," Harry declared. George just buried his head further into his pillow. "It's about Nancy and I." This got him to shoot out of bed like a rocket.
"What's wrong, has somebody discovered that it's really me?" asked George in a panic. That shows where his main concern really lay.
"No. here, let's discuss this downstairs." Harry prodded, leading the sleepy Weasley to a corner of the Common Room.
"Read." commanded Harry, shoving the article under George's nose. His eyes got bigger and bigger as he read on.
"We're screwed." he stated, when finished.
"No, not if we get a plan together quick enough. Look, Nancy's parents have probably read it and told all their friends and neighbors that Harry Potter is dating their little bundle of joy. So this morning, quick as anything, we've got to set everyone straight, and even get Nancy to write to her parents." Harry instructed.
George's face paled. "No, I couldn't stand it! How can I stack up to YOU as dating their daughter? I'm three years older than you, and have never even gotten close to defeating You-Know-Who single handedly."
"Well, neither have I!" Harry corrected. "Listen George, you're plenty brave and honorable. You've dealt with your curse really well, are co-captain slash coach of the House quidditch team, were accepted onto the team of your choice for the Beater position, and are an aspiring entrepreneur. They'll be more than happy!"
"No, they'll slaughter my remaining limbs and then leave the rest of me to my own parents! Shoot, Mum'll murder me, Dad'll throw a fit and probably whip out the old 'birds and the bees' talk, and I'll never hear the end of it from Fred."
"George, do you really like her?"
"Well, of course I do. I knew what I was getting into when we started this relationship, but she just fell into my lap so cute and perfect and funny and understanding and -"
"Yeah, I get it."
"Anyways, the long and short of it is, yeah, I really do love Nancy."
"Then this should all be worth it! To heck with the parents, you only see them for the summer holidays, right? And I'm sure Fred'll have nothing but support and a hint of jealousy for you two's relationship."
"You think so?"
"I know so. C'mon, we've better start getting started on this letter." Harry recommended, whipping out a readied piece of parchment and quill.
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Freeston." George dictated, as Harry scribbled in his neatest handwriting.
(^*^)
When Nancy Freeston awoke that morning, around noon, she had a nasty surprise waiting for her. A mob of Gryffindor girls had gathered expectantly around her bed and were whispering excitedly. She heard fragments of their voices.
Lavender cooed, "How romantic! A surprise dinner!"
"In the astronomy tower no less. Oh, I never knew Harry was such a. stud." added Parvati dreamily.
"I wish more men could be like Mr. Potter." Katie Bell mused.
"Sneaking into closets for snatches of forbidden passion. how romantic." Ginny fantasized out loud.
But before Nancy's eyes could bug out to any further point of expulsion, a swift knock sounded on the door. "Who is it?" the chorus of girls asked as one voice.
"It's Harry, I need to speak to Nancy." answered the person behind the door.
Squeals and shrieks of excitement ensued as the throng dashed up to be the first at the door, Angelina in the lead. "Yes, go right on ahead." she greeted, twenty other giggling girls craning their necks to get a glimpse of this hot new commodity.
Whispers shadowed Harry across the room to Nancy. "Look, how sweet!"
"Probably bringing her breakfast in bed, aww."
"Watch, he'll give her a kiss. Kiss her, kiss her!"
Harry cleared his throat politely. The starers stared on. "Um, can I please be alone with her for just a second?" he asked.
"Oh, er, of course. Have fun!" the girls chimed as they stampeded out the door, albeit a bit reluctantly. Finally the two 'sweethearts' were alone.
"So." Harry began awkwardly, making his way around the first-year girls dormitories.
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!?" Nancy bellowed, her hands shaking furiously.
"You do get right to the point, now don't you?" Harry chided, but upon a murderous stare from the small blonde he continued. "Well, um, it appears that everyone thinks we're somewhat of an item."
"Hmm, I supposed that much. But what is this of the astronomy tower and closets and snatches of forbidden passion?!" persisted Nancy, standing up off her bed in front of Harry in her teddy-bear flannel nightie. It would have actually been quite funny if she wasn't fuming at the time.
"Well, people thought that it was ME that was dating you, instead of George. It must've gotten around, and then Witch Weekly decided it would be of public interest if they published a small article about you and I. And, well, it included things that I certainly assure you I never said or thought of doing."
"Such as.?" Nancy prompted, tapping her toe furiously.
"Such as, well, for our one month anniversary I surprised you with dinner in the astronomy tower."
"ONE MONTH?! We've been going out for one month and nobody decided to tell me?"
"Chill out! I guess they've been fed a little misinformation."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious, now how do we go about fixing this little fiasco?"
"Umm. I was thinking the first thing to do would be write your parents." Harry recommended. Nancy's face paled.
"My-my parents? Do they really have to know, I mean, I don't really like them that much, couldn't I just wait a week and then tell them we broke up?"
"What? No, I can't do that, and besides, what about the rest of England?"
"They can just mind their own business, and my parents can live in their own little charade. They're happier there, I promise you. No good ever comes from telling my father the truth."
"C'mon now, you can't seriously mean that!"
"Oh but you see I do. He's an ex-colonel in the army."
"Ex is good though, right? Enjoying a nice fat pension?"
"He was fired for working a lower officer to the brink of emotional collapse." Nancy explained. Harry cringed.
"But still, they ARE your parents. They'd understand a little miss media, right? I mean, who's to know they even believe that load of crap anyway?"
Just then, as a fitting punctuation to Harry's hopeful rambling, a stuck-up looking tawny owl pecked his beak incessantly on the window.
"No. that's the family owl, Poindexter." Nancy explained with dread in her voice.
Trembling, Harry opened the window and took the letter from the owl's leg. It flew inside and began nesting in Nancy's pillow, but she didn't heed it. Both her and Harry were busy reading the following letter:
Our Dearest Daughter Nancy,
Greetings sweetie, how is your first term at Hogwarts going? I'm sure you're enjoying it, from what your father and I heard this morning. It seems Witch Weekly was under the impression that you've got yourself a little boyfriend, and a fifth-year no less! Well, Mummie was a little aghast at first from finding out such a thing, especially from a magazine, but I see now why you desired to hide it from your parents.
Don't be nervous about going with such a celebrity, darling, we think it's a match made in heaven! Harry is quite the gentleman, from what we hear, brave and valiant and a promising quidditch player. He's a perfectly fine suitor for you.
And here's the best part! Mummie and Daddy are going to come up and visit your school this weekend! There is positively no stopping us, our minds are made up. We miss you so, and would love to meet this little boyfriend of yours.
With love,
Mummie and Daddy
* * * * *
A/N: I love being evil, yes I do, yes I do, as I'm sure is apparent from this story. This is getting to be quite fun, yes it is, yes it is, and I cannot wait to begin the next chapter! But, alas for you all in reader- land, you cannot find out what's going on until next week, next week! Ooo, doubly evil for me, for me! K, that's getting annoying, annoying, so I'm gonna stop now, stop now. argh, I can't, I'm hooked, I'm hooked! It's a disease! NOOOOOOO!
Love from, Love from,
Saranimal, Saranimal
HaloGal5@aol.com, HaloGal5@aol.com
P.S. Hey, I have to ask y'all a quick question about the first Harry Potter book: When Harry, Ron, and Hermione went after the Sorcerer's Stone, why were the chess board and Snape's logic puzzle vials unused when they got there? How did Quirrell get through the chess board w/o messing it up, and pass through the fire thingy w/o using up the elixir? I was confused by this.. of course, it's the fiftieth time I've read the book and I just caught it now, so yah, jus wondering. Talk to y'all later, taa-taa, and thanks for the input I'll hopefully get this time around!!
A/N: Wow, that poor little review button got quite a bit of exercise from that last chappie, thank goodness. I was afraid the little guy was growing lazy and gluttonous. Here's to:
Crawler: You don't like it that I put Nancy and George together?? But you SO have to keep reading! I'm going to have a plethora of fun with the whole Harry and Nancy but it's really George and Nancy stuffa. Pweese? *gives sad teary eyes* Otherwise, you can just not read the next two chaps or so and then the story'll be back on it's original tracks. I won't beg and plead any longer, except for this next sentence: WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU STAY?!?!?!?!?! lol, it's your choice, really, whether to miss out on this amazing bit of fan fiction or not.
Bookworm2000: Whoa. So THAT's a snicket book. you're right, I do wish I hadn't asked. How confusing! I'll have to check those puppies out though, sounds interesting.
Lauren: Heehee, your reviews make me feel like I'm tormenting you! Is it wrong that I like that feeling?
Huntress: Oooh, you'll give me a cracker? OKAY!! *munches happily* yay-rah I love food! Thanks bundles for your 'long arse' review, it makes me feel all squishy inside to be compared to the ACTUAL author of the Harry Potter saga. Whoopee!
Serie: Nope, Ravenclaw quidditch players aren't named after books! Nice guess though, and THE ONLY FRACKIN READER that managed to take a stab at it! Grr. well, thanks anyways.
By the by, the theme I used for the Ravenclaw quidditch players were schools here in Oklahoma. Bishop Kelley and Bishop McGuinness are Catholic private schools, Carl Albert is, well, I dunno what, but we played them in volleyball. Norman North and Edmond Memorial are public schools, Norman is in the college town where OU is located (go Sooners!) and Edmond Memorial is in Edmond, OK and is frackin' BIG!! They've got, like, twelve million gymnasiums. Okay, more like three, but still, that's a lot for podunk okie- land!
DISCLAIMER: Only cool people own Harry Potter. Which is why I don't.
* * * * *
Draco Malfoy had Harry pinned to the floor, a sharp piece of the former Hufflepuff table pressed against his neck. A crazed look was in the blonde boy's eyes, and Harry felt himself expecting to die.
Suddenly, Draco shivered and his icy eyes melted. "Oh God," he whispered, taking the weapon away from Harry's throat and flinging it aside like it was in fire. "He's turned me into him. I'm no better than him." Malfoy was now shivering, and quickly he got up off of Harry and backed up against the cold, stone wall.
"I - I'm sorry, Harry." he sputtered, using his enemy's first name for once, and with that fled the scene. Harry was left on the floor, chest heaving, still processing it all. The first thing was, 'Oh thank God I'm alive.' The next thought was. who was the 'him' Malfoy was so devastated at turning into? The first person Harry assumed was, of course, Voldemort, but since when had The Dark Lord invited schoolboys into his private circle?
"Since Malfoy goes to Hogwarts with you." replied a voice inside Harry's pounding head. Oh heavens, could that be true? Could Voldemort have employed Draco to harm him, since they were both at Hogwarts and security was so tight that no other follower could get in? But then again, why would the Slytherin be so disappointed at becoming like him, it was a known fact that Draco idolized He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Things were certainly confusing in Harry's life.
Slowly Harry got up from the floor, creaking bones protesting. It looked as if his left wrist might have suffered a nasty sprain, or even a break. He wished Malfoy would have stayed long enough to share his healing spell, but conjuring up a cast would have to suffice. Harry could always pass it off as injuring it during the quidditch match.
For some odd reason, Harry felt no reason to tell Dumbledore about the little escapade that morning and get Malfoy in trouble. He'd get detention anyway for throwing the apple to begin with, it'd be in his best interests not to squeal. But the real reason for hiding the truth stayed hidden, stored in the same place as his sullen anger at not being the best; the look in Draco Malfoy's eyes was enough to cover all those years of torment and hatred and see, for the first time, a human being. No, a child. Draco looked positively disgusted at what he had done, what somebody had ingrained in him to do. And for the first time in his life, Harry felt sorry for the boy.
It would have been so easy to forget that the whole thing happened and walk out of the great hall right then, had it been for the Hufflepuff House Table. The poor thing was now in thirty-seven trillion bits, strewn halfway across the hall. A dueling spell had reduced it to mere kindling. What to do?
Suddenly, the answer to all Harry's problems walked into the room. Dobby. "What has master done in heres?" the house elf inquired, his tennis- ball eyes squinting in a scolding way.
"An accident, Dobby, which I would be very much obliged for you to erase for me." Harry cunningly replied.
"Oh no, Dumbledores said for Dobby to report any troubles to him alone, Dobby couldn't disobey his master, no, no, no!" And with that, the house elf bent over and bit his own knobbley knee, making very deep teeth marks. "Dobby is a bad house elf, Dobby mustn't betray master Dumbledore, master has been so kind to Dobby, so kind, so kind."
"But remember me, Dobby, your old master Harry? Good Harry Potter, who freed you from Mr. Malfoy?" Harry hated to say it, he knew it was basically blackmailing his old friend, who had saved him during the third task of the TriWizard Tournament with the gillyweed. of course, he'd done it upon the urging of Professor Moody/Bartemius Crouch Jr., but he'd come through nonetheless. If Hermione could see him now, she would royally kick his butt.
Dobby began stepping on his own toes like a madman while pondering Harry's tempting offer. "Dobby adores master Harry, sir, yes he does. But he can't. oh no, can't, can't, can't!"
"Dumbledore will never KNOW, Dobby. And remember, he isn't your master, you're a free elf. Free, Dobby, you can do whatever you want." Harry pointed out.
The house elf's face went blank, and then his eyes lit up (now resembling light bulbs), and he nodded emphatically. "Harry Potter is right, sir, his point is true! Dobby IS a free elf, and he can make whatever decisions he wants to! Yes, sir, Dobby will help his good friend master Harry!" Delighted with his choice, the little elf began scurrying around picking up bits of table.
"How're we going to replace it, Dobby? I mean, there's no way people won't notice a whole table missing!" Harry inquired.
"Oh, not to worry Harry Potter, not to worry. Dobby has it under control." the house elf answered with a wink. As soon as every last table bit was collected, down to the tiniest splinter, Dobby raised his hands above his head profoundly, bringing them down suddenly with a loud SWOOSH.
The bits of table quivered, rearranging themselves on the floor, the old Hufflepuff table taking shape once more. The cracks were fused together, as if the wood was growing at top speed, and not a scratch could be seen.
"That's amazing, Dobby! How did you do that?" asked Harry incredulously.
Dobby winked. "House elves have powerful magic, sir, yes they do. They just don't let on much, do they?"
"No, they don't. Dumbledore's lucky he's got a friend like you." Harry complimented, running his hands over the flawless surface. Harry's own astonished face was shining back up at him from the mirror-like mahogany.
Dobby clapped his hands to his mouth and shook his head. "Oh no sir, you can't mean that Dobby is - is master Dumbledore's friend??" And then, with a squeal of utter delight, Dobby rushed forward and hugged Harry's knees tightly.
"Dobby is lucky to have a friend like you, Harry Potter sir. Lucky, lucky, lucky." whispered the house elf to the boy's legs. Harry patted the egg-shaped head affectionately. Though odd more often than not, Dobby was certainly an appreciative little creature.
"Oh! Dobby must be going, sir, but he will make you a special breakfast just for you, yes he will! Goodbye Mr. Harry sir! Thank you!" Dobby called as he rushed out the door, and then with a sudden crack he was gone.
How it had gotten from Dobby doing Harry a favor, to Dobby thanking Harry profusely for LETTING him do the favor could never be deciphered, with a cheerful smile on his face the boy grabbed the thrown apple up off the floor and walked out of the room.
(^*^)
In a slightly better mood, Harry entered the common room a mere fifteen minutes after leaving it, though it felt more like fifteen years. Hermione was up already, along with Neville, who was asking her questions on the Potions homework they had been assigned the previous day. The remainder of the Gryffindor house was fast asleep, recovering from the mad partying last night.
"Good morning, Harry." Hermione greeted.
"Yeah, hey." nodded Harry.
Harry was on his way upstairs when Neville's voice stopped him. "Is it true, Harry? Are you and Nancy really going out?" the round boy asked.
Harry took a big breath and got ready to fib. "Yup, Nan is my little honey all right." It came out a bit more sarcastic than he'd intended.
"Really? That's great! You see, when I saw the newspaper this morning, I thought it was just gossip. You know, the junk they usually write about in Witch Weekly." replied Neville.
Harry's heart began pumping rapidly at these words as his worst fear was realized. Rita Skeeter? Oh no, it can't be, not again! "Wha-wha. huh?"
"Witch Weekly, you know, the magical magazine? You're in it once again, old boy." Hermione suggested.
"WHAT?!" screeched Harry, marching back over to the table. "Here, lemme see."
"Right here, under 'Young Love.'" directed Hermione.
"My life is over." Harry declared as he read the article.
YOUNG LOVE by Natosha Knosie.
Last year, Witch Weekly took it upon itself to monitor the activities of our dear Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, at boarding school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As you all know, we reported that poor Harry's delicate heart was broken by the coarse Hermione Granger, who refused his love. Well, we now happily report that Harry has recovered and moved on.
According to numerous reports, the boy is now dating a spunky first- year Nancy Freeston. They recently celebrated their one-month anniversary, to which Harry surprised the attractive girl by a romantic dinner beneath the stars in the astronomy tower. A close friend of the couple was quoted to say that "Those two can't seem to keep their hands off each other, and even had a go in a closet together in the common room."
Well, I'm sure that now Ms. Granger is rethinking her refusal of Potter's adoration.
"In the closet, huh Harry?" Neville inquired with a knowing grin.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!" Harry roared, throwing the paper down on the table.
"Now, now, you can't expect your private affairs to go unnoticed, what with your reputation and all. I'm surprised they didn't massacre you further." tutted Hermione, smoothing the article.
"Oh my Lord, and they tore you to bits 'Mione! I'm so sorry!" Harry apologized.
"Not to worry, nobody I know even reads this magazine anyways. You and Ron know it's not true, and you're the only one's I care about." Hermione answered. Harry thought this was very mature of her, they had made her out to be an uncaring sycophant.
(A/N: Okay, so I'm not quite sure what a 'sycophant' is, but it's a fun word, huh?)
"Well, whether you wanted to or not, your relationship is out in the open now." Neville pointed out.
"Darnit, and Nancy's parents! D'you think they're reading it right now? And do you think I'm going to be getting a howler anytime soon for cradle robbing their daughter?" Harry speculated. He prayed that Mr. Freeston wasn't a big man.
"I'm sure any parent would be delighted to have YOU as a prospective son-in-law. I mean, you're a celebrity. You're Harry Potter! They're positively going to love you." Hermione comforted, but that just made Harry feel worse. What were the parents going to think when they discovered that The-Boy-Who-Lived actually wasn't their son-in-law, and instead it was the even older George Weasley, troublemaker, prankster, and now practically a felon!
"Erm, yay. Good for me, then, I guess." Harry stated, then rushed upstairs to tell George before anybody else did.
"George. hey George, get up, this is really important." Harry coaxed as he poked the red head.
"Eymphred." he mumbled.
"Up and at 'em, loverboy, because we've got major problems." prodded Harry.
"I said, I'm FRED!" the redhead said, rolling over and displaying the telltale freckle on his nose that was the only way to really tell the twins apart.
"Oh, erm, false alarm then. Goodnight!" stated Harry cheerily. Fred just groaned and fell back asleep.
Harry walked over to the other redhead and poked this one. "George?" he asked, taking a precaution this time.
"Wha?" George replied.
"Get up, I've got big things to talk to you about," Harry declared. George just buried his head further into his pillow. "It's about Nancy and I." This got him to shoot out of bed like a rocket.
"What's wrong, has somebody discovered that it's really me?" asked George in a panic. That shows where his main concern really lay.
"No. here, let's discuss this downstairs." Harry prodded, leading the sleepy Weasley to a corner of the Common Room.
"Read." commanded Harry, shoving the article under George's nose. His eyes got bigger and bigger as he read on.
"We're screwed." he stated, when finished.
"No, not if we get a plan together quick enough. Look, Nancy's parents have probably read it and told all their friends and neighbors that Harry Potter is dating their little bundle of joy. So this morning, quick as anything, we've got to set everyone straight, and even get Nancy to write to her parents." Harry instructed.
George's face paled. "No, I couldn't stand it! How can I stack up to YOU as dating their daughter? I'm three years older than you, and have never even gotten close to defeating You-Know-Who single handedly."
"Well, neither have I!" Harry corrected. "Listen George, you're plenty brave and honorable. You've dealt with your curse really well, are co-captain slash coach of the House quidditch team, were accepted onto the team of your choice for the Beater position, and are an aspiring entrepreneur. They'll be more than happy!"
"No, they'll slaughter my remaining limbs and then leave the rest of me to my own parents! Shoot, Mum'll murder me, Dad'll throw a fit and probably whip out the old 'birds and the bees' talk, and I'll never hear the end of it from Fred."
"George, do you really like her?"
"Well, of course I do. I knew what I was getting into when we started this relationship, but she just fell into my lap so cute and perfect and funny and understanding and -"
"Yeah, I get it."
"Anyways, the long and short of it is, yeah, I really do love Nancy."
"Then this should all be worth it! To heck with the parents, you only see them for the summer holidays, right? And I'm sure Fred'll have nothing but support and a hint of jealousy for you two's relationship."
"You think so?"
"I know so. C'mon, we've better start getting started on this letter." Harry recommended, whipping out a readied piece of parchment and quill.
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Freeston." George dictated, as Harry scribbled in his neatest handwriting.
(^*^)
When Nancy Freeston awoke that morning, around noon, she had a nasty surprise waiting for her. A mob of Gryffindor girls had gathered expectantly around her bed and were whispering excitedly. She heard fragments of their voices.
Lavender cooed, "How romantic! A surprise dinner!"
"In the astronomy tower no less. Oh, I never knew Harry was such a. stud." added Parvati dreamily.
"I wish more men could be like Mr. Potter." Katie Bell mused.
"Sneaking into closets for snatches of forbidden passion. how romantic." Ginny fantasized out loud.
But before Nancy's eyes could bug out to any further point of expulsion, a swift knock sounded on the door. "Who is it?" the chorus of girls asked as one voice.
"It's Harry, I need to speak to Nancy." answered the person behind the door.
Squeals and shrieks of excitement ensued as the throng dashed up to be the first at the door, Angelina in the lead. "Yes, go right on ahead." she greeted, twenty other giggling girls craning their necks to get a glimpse of this hot new commodity.
Whispers shadowed Harry across the room to Nancy. "Look, how sweet!"
"Probably bringing her breakfast in bed, aww."
"Watch, he'll give her a kiss. Kiss her, kiss her!"
Harry cleared his throat politely. The starers stared on. "Um, can I please be alone with her for just a second?" he asked.
"Oh, er, of course. Have fun!" the girls chimed as they stampeded out the door, albeit a bit reluctantly. Finally the two 'sweethearts' were alone.
"So." Harry began awkwardly, making his way around the first-year girls dormitories.
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!?" Nancy bellowed, her hands shaking furiously.
"You do get right to the point, now don't you?" Harry chided, but upon a murderous stare from the small blonde he continued. "Well, um, it appears that everyone thinks we're somewhat of an item."
"Hmm, I supposed that much. But what is this of the astronomy tower and closets and snatches of forbidden passion?!" persisted Nancy, standing up off her bed in front of Harry in her teddy-bear flannel nightie. It would have actually been quite funny if she wasn't fuming at the time.
"Well, people thought that it was ME that was dating you, instead of George. It must've gotten around, and then Witch Weekly decided it would be of public interest if they published a small article about you and I. And, well, it included things that I certainly assure you I never said or thought of doing."
"Such as.?" Nancy prompted, tapping her toe furiously.
"Such as, well, for our one month anniversary I surprised you with dinner in the astronomy tower."
"ONE MONTH?! We've been going out for one month and nobody decided to tell me?"
"Chill out! I guess they've been fed a little misinformation."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious, now how do we go about fixing this little fiasco?"
"Umm. I was thinking the first thing to do would be write your parents." Harry recommended. Nancy's face paled.
"My-my parents? Do they really have to know, I mean, I don't really like them that much, couldn't I just wait a week and then tell them we broke up?"
"What? No, I can't do that, and besides, what about the rest of England?"
"They can just mind their own business, and my parents can live in their own little charade. They're happier there, I promise you. No good ever comes from telling my father the truth."
"C'mon now, you can't seriously mean that!"
"Oh but you see I do. He's an ex-colonel in the army."
"Ex is good though, right? Enjoying a nice fat pension?"
"He was fired for working a lower officer to the brink of emotional collapse." Nancy explained. Harry cringed.
"But still, they ARE your parents. They'd understand a little miss media, right? I mean, who's to know they even believe that load of crap anyway?"
Just then, as a fitting punctuation to Harry's hopeful rambling, a stuck-up looking tawny owl pecked his beak incessantly on the window.
"No. that's the family owl, Poindexter." Nancy explained with dread in her voice.
Trembling, Harry opened the window and took the letter from the owl's leg. It flew inside and began nesting in Nancy's pillow, but she didn't heed it. Both her and Harry were busy reading the following letter:
Our Dearest Daughter Nancy,
Greetings sweetie, how is your first term at Hogwarts going? I'm sure you're enjoying it, from what your father and I heard this morning. It seems Witch Weekly was under the impression that you've got yourself a little boyfriend, and a fifth-year no less! Well, Mummie was a little aghast at first from finding out such a thing, especially from a magazine, but I see now why you desired to hide it from your parents.
Don't be nervous about going with such a celebrity, darling, we think it's a match made in heaven! Harry is quite the gentleman, from what we hear, brave and valiant and a promising quidditch player. He's a perfectly fine suitor for you.
And here's the best part! Mummie and Daddy are going to come up and visit your school this weekend! There is positively no stopping us, our minds are made up. We miss you so, and would love to meet this little boyfriend of yours.
With love,
Mummie and Daddy
* * * * *
A/N: I love being evil, yes I do, yes I do, as I'm sure is apparent from this story. This is getting to be quite fun, yes it is, yes it is, and I cannot wait to begin the next chapter! But, alas for you all in reader- land, you cannot find out what's going on until next week, next week! Ooo, doubly evil for me, for me! K, that's getting annoying, annoying, so I'm gonna stop now, stop now. argh, I can't, I'm hooked, I'm hooked! It's a disease! NOOOOOOO!
Love from, Love from,
Saranimal, Saranimal
HaloGal5@aol.com, HaloGal5@aol.com
P.S. Hey, I have to ask y'all a quick question about the first Harry Potter book: When Harry, Ron, and Hermione went after the Sorcerer's Stone, why were the chess board and Snape's logic puzzle vials unused when they got there? How did Quirrell get through the chess board w/o messing it up, and pass through the fire thingy w/o using up the elixir? I was confused by this.. of course, it's the fiftieth time I've read the book and I just caught it now, so yah, jus wondering. Talk to y'all later, taa-taa, and thanks for the input I'll hopefully get this time around!!