Harry Potter and the Joke that Killed: Chapter Eighteen
A/N: Yah-rah, this story's back onto its original track. Thanks to my faithful reviewers:
DarkMoonDragon: Wow, you've got both my Harry Potter stories read and reviewed! YOU'RE MY HERO. and still crazier than a soup sandwich, lol.
Huntress: Thanks for the support, girl. You're right, off a cliff with the losers who don't like where my story's headed! GRRR... *giggles sweetly* Well, I tried to be mean, give me credit for that. ;)
Totally_2bular_girl: Hey, if you like Hermione/Ron stories, read my other one, Harry Potter and the Locket of Trinity. It's kinda turning that way. but keep on reading this one, despite it's H/H-ish content. Meh, deal with it.
DISCLAIMER: If I own Harry Potter, may lightning strike me at this very moment! *suddenly the skies clear and not a rain cloud is present* Humph. 'Nuff said.
* * * * *
"The Dark Mark? On Victoria Callahan's wrist? Are you sure, Harry?" Hermione asked incredulously.
Harry nodded his head emphatically. "I know it was, Hermione. It's the same thing I saw on Snape's arm, the exact same. I'm not stupid."
"Nobody's saying you're stupid Harry, it's just, well. calling somebody a Death Eater is a serious accusation. Loads of innocent people died just fifteen years ago because of the same thing you're doing now. Maybe it was a different tattoo, maybe an ink mark." Ron defended.
"Oh great, so now you're implying I'm blind as well as stupid," Harry said, enraged they thought he was lying. "Listen to me, I know what I saw! She had the skull with a snake coming out of it, just like we saw at the Quidditch World Cup!"
Hermione heaved a huge sigh. "Alright, alright, we believe you. But she was an auror, her job was catching Dark Wizards, not joining them."
"Well, then that means she was a spy for one side. the question is, which one?" Ron asked.
"Maybe she pulled a Snape. You know, was a Death Eater in the beginning, then switched sides." Hermoine proposed.
"Or maybe she pulled a Wormtail and pretended to be loyal to the Light Side, when really she served Voldemort." Harry suggested, making both his friends shiver with the mention of the Dark Lord's name, but he didn't care anymore. Let them be scared of a name, he'd actually seen the real thing.
"You don't really think she's here to hurt you, Harry, though, d'you?" Ron feared.
"Of course not. The Dark Lord wouldn't place an informant in the school. That would be like committing suicide." stated Hermione confidently.
Harry drew a shuddering, uncertain breath. The two looked at him quizzically, and he shook his head. "What?" prompted Ron.
"Well." Harry began, wondering whether to tell them what he knew, or rather what he didn't know, about Snape's information. "Look, you remember the night when I had that fake detention thing?" Harry began.
"Yeah." Hermione agreed, and Ron nodded. That had also been the night of George's curse, and in all the rush over his state, they'd pretty much forgotten about Harry's peril.
"Well, Snape was taking me aside to tell me something. Turns out Voldemort," - shudders all around - "has a new plan to get me. Snape found out about it and was going to tell me in secret. when Professor Callahan barged in and ran him through with a poisonous dagger." Harry explained. He could tell that this news was partially new and old to the duo.
"So." Hermione pressed, rolling her hands in a 'keep-it-going' manner.
"So he never got the chance to tell me. Voldemort," - shudder, shudder - "is out there planning my abuduction or murder or whatever, and Snape's laid up in the infirmiary." Harry finished.
"What do you think he was going to tell you?" Ron breathed.
Harry shrugged. "Dunno. My best guess is that someone at this school is not to be trusted, or else he wouldn't've dragged me all the way to Argus Filch's old storage shed to do it."
"D - d'you think Professor Callahan herself is after you?" Hermione guessed.
Harry's first reaction was a definite 'no,' but then he considered it. Right when Snape was going to spill the beans, WHAM, she attempts to kill him. She was plenty disgruntled about the whole Crinkle issue, and that Dark Mark didn't exactly proclaim innocence either.
"Maybe," Harry answered, staring off into space. "Maybe." Was that really possible? That would explain why she was so quick to come to Snape's defense. she'd faced the same prejudices as he had.
"Well, that's only one possibility," Ron commented. "Harry? HARRY!" he shouted, grabbing Harry's wrist in order to jerk his attention back to earth.
"OUCH!" Harry yelled, wrenching his arm from his grasp and cradling it.
"What, what's wrong with your wrist?" asked Ron worriedly.
"N-nothing." Harry lied. It was the wrist he'd sprained, or maybe even broken, during his little battle with Draco Malfoy. He'd completely forgotten about it, and had left the splint off of it when it had interfered with quidditch practice.
Then it hit him. Draco Malfoy. What if he was the one in the school not to be trusted? Snape could have heard about it from Lucius, even, at a Death Eater meeting. Could the Slytherin have tried to murder Harry upon command? And then the remark towards the end that made the boy back off, "I've turned into him." Was he horrified at being like the Potions Master? Harry knew he'd be disgusted himself if that ever happened.
After a long silence, Ron spoke. "So we're just waiting here for something to happen, while You-Know-Who's out there somewhere plotting revenge. I don't like the sound of that. Who knows how long Snape'll be out?"
"I know. And in between now and then, The Dark Lord could have already carted you off to his lair." Hermione added.
"There must be something, somewhere, that can tell us what it is." Harry wondered aloud.
"Could there be anything in his office, d'you think?" Ron inquired.
"Like what?" Harry prompted.
Ron shrugged. "Dunno, like photographs or documents. Maybe he even wrote a full explanation just in case something like this happened, he'd have to be on his toes what with being a spy and all."
"Hey yeah," Harry agreed. "But even if they do exist, how are we going to get to them? Snape keeps his office shut up tighter than Azkaban, and even if we did manage to get in, one of the teacher is bound to catch us."
Hermione's eyes twinkled with mischief. "We've got an invisibility cloak."
"Are you proposing we break into a teacher's office, ruffle through their private affairs, and steal some top-secret documents?" Ron asked.
Hermione looked hurt. "You say it like it's a bad plan."
"Nope, not at all. Just getting everything straight," Ron answered simply. "So, when're we gonna break out and do this thing?"
"Wait, hold the phone for just one second here," Harry protested. He saw Ron mouth the word 'phone' in bewilderment before continuing. "Why don't we just go to Dumbledore and ask him?"
"Because the less people we endanger, the better, remember?" Hermione stated.
"And if it turns out your life really is threatened, he's likely to send you off home to live with the muggles forever! You don't want that, right?" Ron pointed out.
"No, I guess not." Harry conceded, shuddering to think what it would be like living at the Dursley's without the prospect of Hogwarts to keep him going.
"Alright, is it settled then? As soon as we can, we're going to sneak into Snape's office and check through a few things to see if anywhere it mentions You-Know-Who's plan to attack him?" Hermione clarified.
"Check." Ron responded immediately.
Harry sighed heavily. "Oh, fine then. But if I get expelled for this, I'm taking you guys down with me."
(^*^)
Harry, Ron, and Hermione spent the whole of that week drafting up plans to break into the Potions Masters private quarters. "We'll have to be careful now, he may have a wizard's lock on his door. Then we can't use the Alohomora spell to get in." Hermione warned, looking up stronger unlocking spells and jotting them down.
"What if it's booby trapped?" Ron proposed.
"Don't be silly." reprimanded Hermione quickly before she buried her face back in the book.
Ron glared at her. "No really, what if Snape's got dark hexes and curses guarding the really good stuff? Then how're we going to explain to Madame Pomfrey about missing limbs or protuberances?"
Hermione thought for a second. "Transfiguration accident." she replied in a very definite way, and neither Harry nor Ron could tell if she had been serious or not.
They exchanged looks. "My, Hermione certainly goes about breaking the rules correctly, doesn't she?" Ron commented, raising his eyebrows.
And indeed she did take this whole thing very seriously. Hermione spent the whole class period highlighting things in her textbooks that might come in handy, like dictating quill charms that made your quill jot down any information you told it to, or decoders and invisible ink shower- uppers and the sort. Harry and Ron realized this must be important to her; it wasn't everyday that Hermione would mark in a SCHOOL's book.
The upcoming Friday, the teachers were having a meeting in the staff room in order to discuss what to do about the Christmas banquet. Hermione performed a series of complicated math equations, finally concluding that the meeting would last thirty seven minutes and forty-three seconds, give or take a second or two.
"That hardly gives us any time at all, what with picking the lock and rummaging through the riff-raff before we get to the good stuff." Hermione complained.
Ron shivered. "I just hope somebody doesn't walk in on us, we're liable to end up being the ones to test Filch's old manacles."
Hermione immediately took on a defensive posture, looking hurt that Ron hinted that her plan might not be 100% foolproof. "I am positive, of course, that Hermione has made allowances for every scenario, and she is a fabulous, fabulous witch indeed." added Ron rapidly, undoing the transgression he'd caused.
Friday morning came, and during breakfast Hermione kept shoving spells and defensive curses down Harry's and Ron's throats along with their porridge. Finally Ron, who had dropped his third piece of toast when Hermione whipped around, stood up to her. "Honestly 'Mione, we're prepared for everything but the document itself! Now shut your trap and eat some bacon, I know for a fact you're famished."
Hermione sat there for a long time gaping at the redhead, and Harry got out his wand to avert a wizard's duel. But to both boys' surprise, Hermione did shut up about curses and such, and replaced it by asking Parvati to pass her the bacon.
Double Potions was their first class that morning, and the day that Professor Dorkin promised to teach them the Love Potion. Harry noticed that the girls weren't so keen on brewing it now that he wasn't such a studmuffin, but the did go along with it with more cheer than was usual for the damp dungeon.
"Now combine the crushed Seacrest petals with the tear of dryad, that's it." Professor Dorkin coaxed as they tried to manage the rather difficult potion. More than once, Harry nearly mixed in the wrong ingredient at the wrong time, turning his potion into either a lethal poison or cake icing.
At the end of class, the substitute Potions Master asked for volunteers to test the solution. Parvati and Lavender promptly got in a scuffle over who was to be the girl specimen, and in the end Professor Dorkin resorted to the 'eenie-meenie-miney-mo' technique. Parvati won, and she marched up to the front of the room triumphantly.
"Now, how about a guy, please?" the teacher instructed. The room stayed silent. "Aw, shy are we? C'mon, there's extra credit in it for the lucky boy." You could have heard a germ fart, it was so quiet.
"Fine then, you give me no choice," stated Professor Dorkin, and after once again utilizing the 'eenie-meenie-miney-mo' tactic, poor Ron Weasley was the unfortunate victim. "Come right on up young man, Miss Patil won't bite." the man invited Ron. Parvati attempted a harmless smile, showing fierce-looking incisors that would certainly do some damage if she did end up biting.
"Now just place one of your hairs in a vial here, that's it, tug hard now." instructed Professor Dorkin, and Ron put one of his flaming red hairs into a crystal saucer holding some of his potion. Parvati did the same.
"Cheers!" Parvati chirped, downing her entire glassful in one fell swoop. Ron seemed somewhat more reluctant, eyeing the auburn hair floating around in his with suspicion. Upon an ultimatum by the teacher, Ron finally took a tiny sip. Suddenly, some of the reluctance erased from his face, and he drank the rest of it.
Parvati was the first to react. She put her hand to her head, murmuring something about a fever, and then turned towards her redhaired partner. Her eyes lit up, and her breath caught in her throat.
Ron was still undergoing the process of the potion; his eyes were clamped shut and he was swaying slightly. After a second though, he blinked and took a wavering step forwards. Upon spying Parvati, he immediately rushed forward and grabbed her hand.
"Hey now, none of that." Professor Dorkin urged. Grudgingly, Parvati and Ron released their grasp.
Suddenly, Hermione raised her hand. The substitute nodded. "Ron, I was wondering if you could describe to us what you're feeling right now?" she asked.
Ron thought hard for a second, his freckles scrunching together nervously. "Well. it's hard to say. Blissful, heavenly. loved. All I know is that I need to spend every waking moment with this lovely creature here called Parvati Patil."
The class, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike, burst into uproarious laughter.
Ron and Parvati looked taken aback, and she drew closer to his chest and hugged him much like a needy child does to their mother. Harry thought he might wet himself. Ron was stroking her hair and whispering what looked suspiciously like sweet nothings into her ear.
"Break it up, break it up!" said the substitute Professor, trying to pry the two lovebirds apart. He, however, was failing miserably.
"Professor, I assume an antidote is in order." Harry suggested, knowing that it was the only fair thing to do for his friend.
Professor Dorkin nodded. "Yes, yes, of course." he answered worriedly, shaking his head ashamedly at the two embracing.
After a quick trip into a back room which Harry took note of for later use, the teacher emerged with a cauldron filled with thick black goop. "Drink up now, you two."
Ron shrugged and took a cupful, sipping it nonchalantly, but Parvati adamantly refused. "Why should I?" she whined, true to Parvati form.
"It'll make you feel better, go on, just a taste should do the trick." urged Professor Dorkin.
"But I'm not sick, I feel fine." Parvati continued to whine.
By this time, Ron had recovered from the Love Potion and was showing signs of coming around. The glazed look of sugary lovey-doveyness had been removed, and now he was looking at the girl in his arms with growing confusion and hatred.
Harry and Hermione had to hold on to each other for support.
After some more bewildered assessments, Ron began trying to pry Parvati from his body. But she just clutched him even tighter, still negotiating with Professor Dorkin. Face twisting in agony, Ron tried to loosen her grip but she simply stamped on his foot and ordered him to keep still.
Taking on the posture of a beaten dog, Ron dropped his arms hopelessly to his sides and gazed at the floor.
This seemed too much for the Slytherin side of the room, which began reciting wedding vows and possible names for their children. "Hey Weasley, looks like you've got some money in your future as Patil's professional Gigolo." Malfoy teased, and that gained Parvati's attention from arguing with the teacher.
"Can it Malfoy, you're just jealous that we've found true love." spat the girl, hugging Ron closer. At this, Slytherin went nuts, and Ron seemed to also.
Ron tried once again to escape from her grasp. "Wha - wha - like hell we're in love!" he argued, but Parvati just went on like he wasn't there.
Professor Dorkin threw his arms into the air with exasperation. "This is getting a little out of hand, can I get some help up here?" he pleaded, and at once Hermione and Harry leapt up to aide their friend.
Hermione assumed a sweet grandmotherly voice, and first tried coaxing Parvati. "Let go of Ron dear, it's all right, let him go. LET HIM GO!!" she roared as the girl began strangling Ron in an attempt to give him a hug.
Harry, seeing no other way to go about this, performed a separating spell, which sprang the two sweethearts apart. Or rather, one sweetheart and one potentially murderous time bomb. In one swift motion, Professor Dorkin opened Parvati's mouth and poured the antidote down her throat, which was very hard considering she was screaming bloody murder. After a few minutes the thrashing stopped and the girl stood quite still, staring at Ron in a puzzled way.
"Hmm." she chirped, and sauntered back to her table and sat down.
(^*^)
"I think I've got broken ribs, here, look at these bruises!" Ron griped, holding his shirt up to Harry and Hermione as they exited the Potions classroom.
"That girl had a death grip on you, I'm surprised your lungs didn't collapse." Harry teased.
"I wouldn't be so sure they didn't." said Ron, nursing his side.
"Ron. RON!" somebody shouted down the corridor, and none other than Ron's previous lover Parvati came running up to them. "I - I just wanted you to know that I only said most of those things because of the potion, not. well, I didn't mean a word of it."
"Praise the Lord." Ron answered with a sigh.
"A - and I'm sorry, if you got a little hurt, you know. I tugged on you pretty hard." Parvati apologized.
"Yeah you did," stated Ron. Parvati assumed a hurt expression, so he quickly added, "But all is forgiven."
The girl smiled. "Okay. Well, thanks! It's been fun!" she piped, and with that she traipsed down the corridor where Lavender was waiting amidst a fit of giggles.
But the three weren't alone for long. Not seconds after Parvati took leave of them, Malfoy and his band of followers took her place. "Well, well. heartbroken that you haven't got any love as well as any money?" Malfoy hissed.
Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of Ron's robes as a warning; the redhead was already at the breaking point. "Malfoy, you are truly remarkable," Ron cooed in a flattering voice. His friends traded apprehensive looks behind his back.
Malfoy chuckled. "Nice of you to notice."
"I mean, you're the only person I know with loads of money that still manages to be worthless." Ron spat, his tone transforming from flattery to a verbal assault in the blink of an eye.
The Slytherin's seemed stunned. They made no reply, just flipped their heads haughtily and walked away.
"I coulda pounded him. I coulda really given that Malfoy something to sneer about. like the lack of his nose." Ron seethed.
Hermione stroked his shoulder, which had the calming affect that a cowboy often has on a rabid stallion. "Can't let you get expelled right now, can we? We need your help in raiding Snape's office," she cooed. Ron nodded. "Kill 'em in Saturday, but for today, manage to keep yourself out of trouble, ya hear?"
Ron smiled. "Yeah, I hear. Hmm. I can see it now, Date of Death: Saturday, December 14. Really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?"
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A/N: Well, hope that was a fun chapter. Ladeedaadeedaaa.. well, next week I promise you complete, unedited snooping through Severus Snape's private belongings. a think I've dreamt about doing to some of my own teachers, lemme tell you. Well, like a fat kid (AKA your mom) playing dodgeball, I'm OUT!!!
lol.
Love from,
Saranimal
HaloGal5@aol.com (Escribe tu carta, por favor?)
A/N: Yah-rah, this story's back onto its original track. Thanks to my faithful reviewers:
DarkMoonDragon: Wow, you've got both my Harry Potter stories read and reviewed! YOU'RE MY HERO. and still crazier than a soup sandwich, lol.
Huntress: Thanks for the support, girl. You're right, off a cliff with the losers who don't like where my story's headed! GRRR... *giggles sweetly* Well, I tried to be mean, give me credit for that. ;)
Totally_2bular_girl: Hey, if you like Hermione/Ron stories, read my other one, Harry Potter and the Locket of Trinity. It's kinda turning that way. but keep on reading this one, despite it's H/H-ish content. Meh, deal with it.
DISCLAIMER: If I own Harry Potter, may lightning strike me at this very moment! *suddenly the skies clear and not a rain cloud is present* Humph. 'Nuff said.
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"The Dark Mark? On Victoria Callahan's wrist? Are you sure, Harry?" Hermione asked incredulously.
Harry nodded his head emphatically. "I know it was, Hermione. It's the same thing I saw on Snape's arm, the exact same. I'm not stupid."
"Nobody's saying you're stupid Harry, it's just, well. calling somebody a Death Eater is a serious accusation. Loads of innocent people died just fifteen years ago because of the same thing you're doing now. Maybe it was a different tattoo, maybe an ink mark." Ron defended.
"Oh great, so now you're implying I'm blind as well as stupid," Harry said, enraged they thought he was lying. "Listen to me, I know what I saw! She had the skull with a snake coming out of it, just like we saw at the Quidditch World Cup!"
Hermione heaved a huge sigh. "Alright, alright, we believe you. But she was an auror, her job was catching Dark Wizards, not joining them."
"Well, then that means she was a spy for one side. the question is, which one?" Ron asked.
"Maybe she pulled a Snape. You know, was a Death Eater in the beginning, then switched sides." Hermoine proposed.
"Or maybe she pulled a Wormtail and pretended to be loyal to the Light Side, when really she served Voldemort." Harry suggested, making both his friends shiver with the mention of the Dark Lord's name, but he didn't care anymore. Let them be scared of a name, he'd actually seen the real thing.
"You don't really think she's here to hurt you, Harry, though, d'you?" Ron feared.
"Of course not. The Dark Lord wouldn't place an informant in the school. That would be like committing suicide." stated Hermione confidently.
Harry drew a shuddering, uncertain breath. The two looked at him quizzically, and he shook his head. "What?" prompted Ron.
"Well." Harry began, wondering whether to tell them what he knew, or rather what he didn't know, about Snape's information. "Look, you remember the night when I had that fake detention thing?" Harry began.
"Yeah." Hermione agreed, and Ron nodded. That had also been the night of George's curse, and in all the rush over his state, they'd pretty much forgotten about Harry's peril.
"Well, Snape was taking me aside to tell me something. Turns out Voldemort," - shudders all around - "has a new plan to get me. Snape found out about it and was going to tell me in secret. when Professor Callahan barged in and ran him through with a poisonous dagger." Harry explained. He could tell that this news was partially new and old to the duo.
"So." Hermione pressed, rolling her hands in a 'keep-it-going' manner.
"So he never got the chance to tell me. Voldemort," - shudder, shudder - "is out there planning my abuduction or murder or whatever, and Snape's laid up in the infirmiary." Harry finished.
"What do you think he was going to tell you?" Ron breathed.
Harry shrugged. "Dunno. My best guess is that someone at this school is not to be trusted, or else he wouldn't've dragged me all the way to Argus Filch's old storage shed to do it."
"D - d'you think Professor Callahan herself is after you?" Hermione guessed.
Harry's first reaction was a definite 'no,' but then he considered it. Right when Snape was going to spill the beans, WHAM, she attempts to kill him. She was plenty disgruntled about the whole Crinkle issue, and that Dark Mark didn't exactly proclaim innocence either.
"Maybe," Harry answered, staring off into space. "Maybe." Was that really possible? That would explain why she was so quick to come to Snape's defense. she'd faced the same prejudices as he had.
"Well, that's only one possibility," Ron commented. "Harry? HARRY!" he shouted, grabbing Harry's wrist in order to jerk his attention back to earth.
"OUCH!" Harry yelled, wrenching his arm from his grasp and cradling it.
"What, what's wrong with your wrist?" asked Ron worriedly.
"N-nothing." Harry lied. It was the wrist he'd sprained, or maybe even broken, during his little battle with Draco Malfoy. He'd completely forgotten about it, and had left the splint off of it when it had interfered with quidditch practice.
Then it hit him. Draco Malfoy. What if he was the one in the school not to be trusted? Snape could have heard about it from Lucius, even, at a Death Eater meeting. Could the Slytherin have tried to murder Harry upon command? And then the remark towards the end that made the boy back off, "I've turned into him." Was he horrified at being like the Potions Master? Harry knew he'd be disgusted himself if that ever happened.
After a long silence, Ron spoke. "So we're just waiting here for something to happen, while You-Know-Who's out there somewhere plotting revenge. I don't like the sound of that. Who knows how long Snape'll be out?"
"I know. And in between now and then, The Dark Lord could have already carted you off to his lair." Hermione added.
"There must be something, somewhere, that can tell us what it is." Harry wondered aloud.
"Could there be anything in his office, d'you think?" Ron inquired.
"Like what?" Harry prompted.
Ron shrugged. "Dunno, like photographs or documents. Maybe he even wrote a full explanation just in case something like this happened, he'd have to be on his toes what with being a spy and all."
"Hey yeah," Harry agreed. "But even if they do exist, how are we going to get to them? Snape keeps his office shut up tighter than Azkaban, and even if we did manage to get in, one of the teacher is bound to catch us."
Hermione's eyes twinkled with mischief. "We've got an invisibility cloak."
"Are you proposing we break into a teacher's office, ruffle through their private affairs, and steal some top-secret documents?" Ron asked.
Hermione looked hurt. "You say it like it's a bad plan."
"Nope, not at all. Just getting everything straight," Ron answered simply. "So, when're we gonna break out and do this thing?"
"Wait, hold the phone for just one second here," Harry protested. He saw Ron mouth the word 'phone' in bewilderment before continuing. "Why don't we just go to Dumbledore and ask him?"
"Because the less people we endanger, the better, remember?" Hermione stated.
"And if it turns out your life really is threatened, he's likely to send you off home to live with the muggles forever! You don't want that, right?" Ron pointed out.
"No, I guess not." Harry conceded, shuddering to think what it would be like living at the Dursley's without the prospect of Hogwarts to keep him going.
"Alright, is it settled then? As soon as we can, we're going to sneak into Snape's office and check through a few things to see if anywhere it mentions You-Know-Who's plan to attack him?" Hermione clarified.
"Check." Ron responded immediately.
Harry sighed heavily. "Oh, fine then. But if I get expelled for this, I'm taking you guys down with me."
(^*^)
Harry, Ron, and Hermione spent the whole of that week drafting up plans to break into the Potions Masters private quarters. "We'll have to be careful now, he may have a wizard's lock on his door. Then we can't use the Alohomora spell to get in." Hermione warned, looking up stronger unlocking spells and jotting them down.
"What if it's booby trapped?" Ron proposed.
"Don't be silly." reprimanded Hermione quickly before she buried her face back in the book.
Ron glared at her. "No really, what if Snape's got dark hexes and curses guarding the really good stuff? Then how're we going to explain to Madame Pomfrey about missing limbs or protuberances?"
Hermione thought for a second. "Transfiguration accident." she replied in a very definite way, and neither Harry nor Ron could tell if she had been serious or not.
They exchanged looks. "My, Hermione certainly goes about breaking the rules correctly, doesn't she?" Ron commented, raising his eyebrows.
And indeed she did take this whole thing very seriously. Hermione spent the whole class period highlighting things in her textbooks that might come in handy, like dictating quill charms that made your quill jot down any information you told it to, or decoders and invisible ink shower- uppers and the sort. Harry and Ron realized this must be important to her; it wasn't everyday that Hermione would mark in a SCHOOL's book.
The upcoming Friday, the teachers were having a meeting in the staff room in order to discuss what to do about the Christmas banquet. Hermione performed a series of complicated math equations, finally concluding that the meeting would last thirty seven minutes and forty-three seconds, give or take a second or two.
"That hardly gives us any time at all, what with picking the lock and rummaging through the riff-raff before we get to the good stuff." Hermione complained.
Ron shivered. "I just hope somebody doesn't walk in on us, we're liable to end up being the ones to test Filch's old manacles."
Hermione immediately took on a defensive posture, looking hurt that Ron hinted that her plan might not be 100% foolproof. "I am positive, of course, that Hermione has made allowances for every scenario, and she is a fabulous, fabulous witch indeed." added Ron rapidly, undoing the transgression he'd caused.
Friday morning came, and during breakfast Hermione kept shoving spells and defensive curses down Harry's and Ron's throats along with their porridge. Finally Ron, who had dropped his third piece of toast when Hermione whipped around, stood up to her. "Honestly 'Mione, we're prepared for everything but the document itself! Now shut your trap and eat some bacon, I know for a fact you're famished."
Hermione sat there for a long time gaping at the redhead, and Harry got out his wand to avert a wizard's duel. But to both boys' surprise, Hermione did shut up about curses and such, and replaced it by asking Parvati to pass her the bacon.
Double Potions was their first class that morning, and the day that Professor Dorkin promised to teach them the Love Potion. Harry noticed that the girls weren't so keen on brewing it now that he wasn't such a studmuffin, but the did go along with it with more cheer than was usual for the damp dungeon.
"Now combine the crushed Seacrest petals with the tear of dryad, that's it." Professor Dorkin coaxed as they tried to manage the rather difficult potion. More than once, Harry nearly mixed in the wrong ingredient at the wrong time, turning his potion into either a lethal poison or cake icing.
At the end of class, the substitute Potions Master asked for volunteers to test the solution. Parvati and Lavender promptly got in a scuffle over who was to be the girl specimen, and in the end Professor Dorkin resorted to the 'eenie-meenie-miney-mo' technique. Parvati won, and she marched up to the front of the room triumphantly.
"Now, how about a guy, please?" the teacher instructed. The room stayed silent. "Aw, shy are we? C'mon, there's extra credit in it for the lucky boy." You could have heard a germ fart, it was so quiet.
"Fine then, you give me no choice," stated Professor Dorkin, and after once again utilizing the 'eenie-meenie-miney-mo' tactic, poor Ron Weasley was the unfortunate victim. "Come right on up young man, Miss Patil won't bite." the man invited Ron. Parvati attempted a harmless smile, showing fierce-looking incisors that would certainly do some damage if she did end up biting.
"Now just place one of your hairs in a vial here, that's it, tug hard now." instructed Professor Dorkin, and Ron put one of his flaming red hairs into a crystal saucer holding some of his potion. Parvati did the same.
"Cheers!" Parvati chirped, downing her entire glassful in one fell swoop. Ron seemed somewhat more reluctant, eyeing the auburn hair floating around in his with suspicion. Upon an ultimatum by the teacher, Ron finally took a tiny sip. Suddenly, some of the reluctance erased from his face, and he drank the rest of it.
Parvati was the first to react. She put her hand to her head, murmuring something about a fever, and then turned towards her redhaired partner. Her eyes lit up, and her breath caught in her throat.
Ron was still undergoing the process of the potion; his eyes were clamped shut and he was swaying slightly. After a second though, he blinked and took a wavering step forwards. Upon spying Parvati, he immediately rushed forward and grabbed her hand.
"Hey now, none of that." Professor Dorkin urged. Grudgingly, Parvati and Ron released their grasp.
Suddenly, Hermione raised her hand. The substitute nodded. "Ron, I was wondering if you could describe to us what you're feeling right now?" she asked.
Ron thought hard for a second, his freckles scrunching together nervously. "Well. it's hard to say. Blissful, heavenly. loved. All I know is that I need to spend every waking moment with this lovely creature here called Parvati Patil."
The class, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike, burst into uproarious laughter.
Ron and Parvati looked taken aback, and she drew closer to his chest and hugged him much like a needy child does to their mother. Harry thought he might wet himself. Ron was stroking her hair and whispering what looked suspiciously like sweet nothings into her ear.
"Break it up, break it up!" said the substitute Professor, trying to pry the two lovebirds apart. He, however, was failing miserably.
"Professor, I assume an antidote is in order." Harry suggested, knowing that it was the only fair thing to do for his friend.
Professor Dorkin nodded. "Yes, yes, of course." he answered worriedly, shaking his head ashamedly at the two embracing.
After a quick trip into a back room which Harry took note of for later use, the teacher emerged with a cauldron filled with thick black goop. "Drink up now, you two."
Ron shrugged and took a cupful, sipping it nonchalantly, but Parvati adamantly refused. "Why should I?" she whined, true to Parvati form.
"It'll make you feel better, go on, just a taste should do the trick." urged Professor Dorkin.
"But I'm not sick, I feel fine." Parvati continued to whine.
By this time, Ron had recovered from the Love Potion and was showing signs of coming around. The glazed look of sugary lovey-doveyness had been removed, and now he was looking at the girl in his arms with growing confusion and hatred.
Harry and Hermione had to hold on to each other for support.
After some more bewildered assessments, Ron began trying to pry Parvati from his body. But she just clutched him even tighter, still negotiating with Professor Dorkin. Face twisting in agony, Ron tried to loosen her grip but she simply stamped on his foot and ordered him to keep still.
Taking on the posture of a beaten dog, Ron dropped his arms hopelessly to his sides and gazed at the floor.
This seemed too much for the Slytherin side of the room, which began reciting wedding vows and possible names for their children. "Hey Weasley, looks like you've got some money in your future as Patil's professional Gigolo." Malfoy teased, and that gained Parvati's attention from arguing with the teacher.
"Can it Malfoy, you're just jealous that we've found true love." spat the girl, hugging Ron closer. At this, Slytherin went nuts, and Ron seemed to also.
Ron tried once again to escape from her grasp. "Wha - wha - like hell we're in love!" he argued, but Parvati just went on like he wasn't there.
Professor Dorkin threw his arms into the air with exasperation. "This is getting a little out of hand, can I get some help up here?" he pleaded, and at once Hermione and Harry leapt up to aide their friend.
Hermione assumed a sweet grandmotherly voice, and first tried coaxing Parvati. "Let go of Ron dear, it's all right, let him go. LET HIM GO!!" she roared as the girl began strangling Ron in an attempt to give him a hug.
Harry, seeing no other way to go about this, performed a separating spell, which sprang the two sweethearts apart. Or rather, one sweetheart and one potentially murderous time bomb. In one swift motion, Professor Dorkin opened Parvati's mouth and poured the antidote down her throat, which was very hard considering she was screaming bloody murder. After a few minutes the thrashing stopped and the girl stood quite still, staring at Ron in a puzzled way.
"Hmm." she chirped, and sauntered back to her table and sat down.
(^*^)
"I think I've got broken ribs, here, look at these bruises!" Ron griped, holding his shirt up to Harry and Hermione as they exited the Potions classroom.
"That girl had a death grip on you, I'm surprised your lungs didn't collapse." Harry teased.
"I wouldn't be so sure they didn't." said Ron, nursing his side.
"Ron. RON!" somebody shouted down the corridor, and none other than Ron's previous lover Parvati came running up to them. "I - I just wanted you to know that I only said most of those things because of the potion, not. well, I didn't mean a word of it."
"Praise the Lord." Ron answered with a sigh.
"A - and I'm sorry, if you got a little hurt, you know. I tugged on you pretty hard." Parvati apologized.
"Yeah you did," stated Ron. Parvati assumed a hurt expression, so he quickly added, "But all is forgiven."
The girl smiled. "Okay. Well, thanks! It's been fun!" she piped, and with that she traipsed down the corridor where Lavender was waiting amidst a fit of giggles.
But the three weren't alone for long. Not seconds after Parvati took leave of them, Malfoy and his band of followers took her place. "Well, well. heartbroken that you haven't got any love as well as any money?" Malfoy hissed.
Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of Ron's robes as a warning; the redhead was already at the breaking point. "Malfoy, you are truly remarkable," Ron cooed in a flattering voice. His friends traded apprehensive looks behind his back.
Malfoy chuckled. "Nice of you to notice."
"I mean, you're the only person I know with loads of money that still manages to be worthless." Ron spat, his tone transforming from flattery to a verbal assault in the blink of an eye.
The Slytherin's seemed stunned. They made no reply, just flipped their heads haughtily and walked away.
"I coulda pounded him. I coulda really given that Malfoy something to sneer about. like the lack of his nose." Ron seethed.
Hermione stroked his shoulder, which had the calming affect that a cowboy often has on a rabid stallion. "Can't let you get expelled right now, can we? We need your help in raiding Snape's office," she cooed. Ron nodded. "Kill 'em in Saturday, but for today, manage to keep yourself out of trouble, ya hear?"
Ron smiled. "Yeah, I hear. Hmm. I can see it now, Date of Death: Saturday, December 14. Really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?"
* * * * *
A/N: Well, hope that was a fun chapter. Ladeedaadeedaaa.. well, next week I promise you complete, unedited snooping through Severus Snape's private belongings. a think I've dreamt about doing to some of my own teachers, lemme tell you. Well, like a fat kid (AKA your mom) playing dodgeball, I'm OUT!!!
lol.
Love from,
Saranimal
HaloGal5@aol.com (Escribe tu carta, por favor?)