Star Fox: A Time Before Part IV
'He who does not remember the past is doomed to repeat it.' -Confucious, book 12, teaching 154
It had been a long trip. Too long if you asked a few of the members (Those who were'nt crying anyway...). Fox thought it was close to being the worst it could get. UNtil he remembered that Peppy had yet to talk...
'Now in my day...' Peppy began. Fox immediatly tuned out.
What was wrong with this guy? Phyrexians? Sailors? Militants? What was next?
'Well, i had better get on to my story...' Peppy said. 'I want to keep you guys interested.'
'This SHOULD prove interesting...' Fox said. Peppy either did'nt hear him, or paid no heed.
'This is a story i like to call,' Peppy began
'How Peppy saved Christmas', or 'Peppy's Story'
The Fall before my 4th birthday was the year of the Phyrexian. It was when they first started showing up, and making themselves known. By one way or another, one was elected into the State house. He seemed normal, he even looked like one of the humans. Except for his enormous size, opposable apendages, and constant leaking of Oil, one would have never known. He quickly got into polotical power, and soon was a member of Nixon's Cabinet. For one reason or another, he was made secratary of war. pretty soon, he was pushing for war on the United Earth. Because Nixon was always a Red, Nixon voted for it. After getting the 'go ahead' from congress, they were all killed and replaced with Phyrexians, it was passed. Hence, the coming of Volrath. He was hated off the bat. Mainly because of the nagging suspicion that he was gay, the pink leotard kinda suggested that..., but he outright denied it. Anyway, he moved in and took over. I, having been at summer camp, had no idea what was happening, was surprised to come home and finding the steaming skeletons of my parennts out side.'
'Fancy that...' Fox said.
'I immediatly blamed the Sand People for this crime, but Ben Kenorbi told me that it was the Phyrexians. Still, after killing a race of Sand People... it makes you kinda hungry... so i raided the closest 7-11 and had me some food. I looked out the store window and saw that some Phyrexian Gargantua were walking the streets, looking for more innocents to kill. I, Knowing the weakpoint of a Phyrexians being their ass, i got the shotgun from behind the counter and went out to set a trap. I was actually sitting in the bushes for a few hours.... waiting for the Gargantua... If youv never seen one, they are close to 7 stories hgigh, weigh almost 65 tons, and can destory an entire Platoon ni one felf swoop. Pretty soon after that, i saw my first target. The Gargantua was stalking down the street, minding it's own business, when suddenly I jumped out of the bushes, and shot the thing in it's only weak spot.'
'It's ass?' Slippy asked.
'Hell no!' peppy yelled. 'You cant kill a Phyrexian if you shoot it in the ass! It makes him stronger! I shot it in the head! And if you'v never see a falling Gargantua colapse into a larger, bleeding heap, then you have never lived.'
'And your SURE this happened?...' Fox asked Peppy.
'...Sure as i'm sane...' Peppy said. 'I told you, The invasion of Earth by the Phyrexians DID happen!'
*********************************************************************
Meanwhile, in another Plain of Existance...
'Phil...' said Tsabo Tovic, the leader of the Phyrexian Army, 'Do you remember the invasion of earth?'
'Yes Tsabo. I remember it well.Almost like it was yesterday...' Said her Colsest Phyrexian Grunt.
As Phil was about to keep on talking, and begin his reminisance, but the phone rang. Tsabo picked it up.
'Hello?' Tsabo said.
'Yes,' A little voice said. 'I was wondering if i could get ahold of a Mr. Rotch. First name... *heh* Mike?'
'Um... sure... Tsabo said, a little confused. 'Let me check.'
Picking up the intercom to the whole of the Phyrexian militants, Tsabo said to the whole of the Phyrexian army;
'Has anyone seen Mike Rotch? Really... i need someone to find Mike Rotch for me...C'mon guys... i'm not joking. I cant find Mike Rotch...'
The New Stronghold exploded with laughter. Second time in three days.
'I'll get you Nemetta!' Tasbo said to a laughing Forest dweller 'And your Lord Of The Pit too!'
Hanging up, Nemetta and his friends were laughing uncontroably.
'Unbelievable.' Lord Of The Pit said. 'She fell for it again.'
'Some people...' Mirri said.
*********************************************************************
'I'm still not believing the whole Invasion thing. I just never read about it...' Slippy said to Peppy.
'Fine.' Peppy said. 'Believe it or not, just let me finish my story. Anyway... after i kil't me a Gargantua, i had to go into hiding. Sonce i was on Volraths hit list for doing so, I hid out in an abandoded store for a few years. I lived on Mountain Dew and soda crackers. The only entertainment i had was an infinate ammount of re-runs of Mystery Science Theater 3000. There i sat for a few years, trying not to think of waht was happening outside the walls. But then, one day...'
'You went crazy.' Fpx offered.
'Someone opened the cabinet i had been in for 36 years, and told me to get out before i was arrested. Aparentally, 3 months after i was in there, the Phyrexians were repelled and Earth was re-taken. The store i was hiding in, for some reason, did not open that one certain cabinet for all those years, and when they finally needed somehting out of there, i was in there. I not being what they were looking for of course... that would ahve been silly...'
'Right....' Slippy said, sounding more sonfused than ever. 'Your getting a CAT scan when we get home...'
'I second that.' Fox said.
'Thanks guys, but no thanks. Never did like cats. Dont play pool well... but on to the rest of the story. When i finally got out of the cabinet, i had to find a job. the world was diferent, but livable. So, i went to the STAR academy, and signed up. Since i ahd a degree in advanced nuclear physics, they hired me right away. They put me as the piolit as the Great FOX, and that's what I have done to this day.'
Silence except for Falco's crying.
'Wait, wait wait wait....' Fox said. 'You killed a Phyrexian, hid in a closet, and are currentally flying the Great FOX?'
'Cabinet.' Peppy said. 'I was in a cabinet.'
'You know...' Fox said 'Falco and his problem was funny. In fact, it was a riot. But this, this is just sad. OK, you know what? I'm just going to stop talking to you all together. Now dont get me wrong, i dont hate you, you just scare me.'
'What about me?' Falco asked, surprising all of them. 'Do you not hate me either?'
'No Flaco..' Fox said. ' I dont hate you. but i think you'll make a ton of new friends. In fact, you'll have a good laugh with all of them.'
'How so?' Asked Slippy.
'I just cant wait until the academy hears about this.' Fox said, referring to Falco.
Falco, knowing of the inevatable, gave up and cried some more.
'Fox..' Slippy said 'now i know you better than that...'
'I gues so..' Fox said, a little dejected.
'You'll do a lot worse.'
'Damn straight.'
'i'm not sure waht you kids have against each other, but I dont want you doing it while i'm talking. After i was done Flying the Great FOX, i lived a long life in happiness, and eventually died of old age. But i came to realize that i lived a good life, and I did a lot in my time.'
'He sure did...' Fox said. ' I bet i can name off every narcotic in the book and he'll confirm it...' Slippy said.
'But anyway, now that i'm done, i'll answer any questions you may have on growing pumpkins.' Peppy concluded.
More silence except for Falco's crying.
'You know,' Fox said 'I had the worst time of my life today. It makes me want to go home, make a call to reven, shack up with her for another night, and forget that any of you exist. In fact, I'm going to as soon as we get back.'
'Yeah..' Falco said with a wavering voice 'And i'll call Katt, see if she's up to a movie, and see what happens from there.'
'And show her WHAT that would make her want to stay around?' Slippy asked.
The four companions flew off toward Sector Z, which was very much closer, and prepared to patrol.
'Just like Nam...' Peppy said.
they continued on their way, to the Delusions Of Granduer of Peppy's, and the sobs of Falco, never to return home sane again.
Fin.
To readers: And this concludes the life of the four piolits. We may nevetr know what really happened to Peppy, Fox may end up with thet beautiful Reven again, Slippy could become the Weapons Expert he...er... she... IT wanted to be, and Falco... well, the less said about Falco, the better. -Jose Philipe mendola
'He who does not remember the past is doomed to repeat it.' -Confucious, book 12, teaching 154
It had been a long trip. Too long if you asked a few of the members (Those who were'nt crying anyway...). Fox thought it was close to being the worst it could get. UNtil he remembered that Peppy had yet to talk...
'Now in my day...' Peppy began. Fox immediatly tuned out.
What was wrong with this guy? Phyrexians? Sailors? Militants? What was next?
'Well, i had better get on to my story...' Peppy said. 'I want to keep you guys interested.'
'This SHOULD prove interesting...' Fox said. Peppy either did'nt hear him, or paid no heed.
'This is a story i like to call,' Peppy began
'How Peppy saved Christmas', or 'Peppy's Story'
The Fall before my 4th birthday was the year of the Phyrexian. It was when they first started showing up, and making themselves known. By one way or another, one was elected into the State house. He seemed normal, he even looked like one of the humans. Except for his enormous size, opposable apendages, and constant leaking of Oil, one would have never known. He quickly got into polotical power, and soon was a member of Nixon's Cabinet. For one reason or another, he was made secratary of war. pretty soon, he was pushing for war on the United Earth. Because Nixon was always a Red, Nixon voted for it. After getting the 'go ahead' from congress, they were all killed and replaced with Phyrexians, it was passed. Hence, the coming of Volrath. He was hated off the bat. Mainly because of the nagging suspicion that he was gay, the pink leotard kinda suggested that..., but he outright denied it. Anyway, he moved in and took over. I, having been at summer camp, had no idea what was happening, was surprised to come home and finding the steaming skeletons of my parennts out side.'
'Fancy that...' Fox said.
'I immediatly blamed the Sand People for this crime, but Ben Kenorbi told me that it was the Phyrexians. Still, after killing a race of Sand People... it makes you kinda hungry... so i raided the closest 7-11 and had me some food. I looked out the store window and saw that some Phyrexian Gargantua were walking the streets, looking for more innocents to kill. I, Knowing the weakpoint of a Phyrexians being their ass, i got the shotgun from behind the counter and went out to set a trap. I was actually sitting in the bushes for a few hours.... waiting for the Gargantua... If youv never seen one, they are close to 7 stories hgigh, weigh almost 65 tons, and can destory an entire Platoon ni one felf swoop. Pretty soon after that, i saw my first target. The Gargantua was stalking down the street, minding it's own business, when suddenly I jumped out of the bushes, and shot the thing in it's only weak spot.'
'It's ass?' Slippy asked.
'Hell no!' peppy yelled. 'You cant kill a Phyrexian if you shoot it in the ass! It makes him stronger! I shot it in the head! And if you'v never see a falling Gargantua colapse into a larger, bleeding heap, then you have never lived.'
'And your SURE this happened?...' Fox asked Peppy.
'...Sure as i'm sane...' Peppy said. 'I told you, The invasion of Earth by the Phyrexians DID happen!'
*********************************************************************
Meanwhile, in another Plain of Existance...
'Phil...' said Tsabo Tovic, the leader of the Phyrexian Army, 'Do you remember the invasion of earth?'
'Yes Tsabo. I remember it well.Almost like it was yesterday...' Said her Colsest Phyrexian Grunt.
As Phil was about to keep on talking, and begin his reminisance, but the phone rang. Tsabo picked it up.
'Hello?' Tsabo said.
'Yes,' A little voice said. 'I was wondering if i could get ahold of a Mr. Rotch. First name... *heh* Mike?'
'Um... sure... Tsabo said, a little confused. 'Let me check.'
Picking up the intercom to the whole of the Phyrexian militants, Tsabo said to the whole of the Phyrexian army;
'Has anyone seen Mike Rotch? Really... i need someone to find Mike Rotch for me...C'mon guys... i'm not joking. I cant find Mike Rotch...'
The New Stronghold exploded with laughter. Second time in three days.
'I'll get you Nemetta!' Tasbo said to a laughing Forest dweller 'And your Lord Of The Pit too!'
Hanging up, Nemetta and his friends were laughing uncontroably.
'Unbelievable.' Lord Of The Pit said. 'She fell for it again.'
'Some people...' Mirri said.
*********************************************************************
'I'm still not believing the whole Invasion thing. I just never read about it...' Slippy said to Peppy.
'Fine.' Peppy said. 'Believe it or not, just let me finish my story. Anyway... after i kil't me a Gargantua, i had to go into hiding. Sonce i was on Volraths hit list for doing so, I hid out in an abandoded store for a few years. I lived on Mountain Dew and soda crackers. The only entertainment i had was an infinate ammount of re-runs of Mystery Science Theater 3000. There i sat for a few years, trying not to think of waht was happening outside the walls. But then, one day...'
'You went crazy.' Fpx offered.
'Someone opened the cabinet i had been in for 36 years, and told me to get out before i was arrested. Aparentally, 3 months after i was in there, the Phyrexians were repelled and Earth was re-taken. The store i was hiding in, for some reason, did not open that one certain cabinet for all those years, and when they finally needed somehting out of there, i was in there. I not being what they were looking for of course... that would ahve been silly...'
'Right....' Slippy said, sounding more sonfused than ever. 'Your getting a CAT scan when we get home...'
'I second that.' Fox said.
'Thanks guys, but no thanks. Never did like cats. Dont play pool well... but on to the rest of the story. When i finally got out of the cabinet, i had to find a job. the world was diferent, but livable. So, i went to the STAR academy, and signed up. Since i ahd a degree in advanced nuclear physics, they hired me right away. They put me as the piolit as the Great FOX, and that's what I have done to this day.'
Silence except for Falco's crying.
'Wait, wait wait wait....' Fox said. 'You killed a Phyrexian, hid in a closet, and are currentally flying the Great FOX?'
'Cabinet.' Peppy said. 'I was in a cabinet.'
'You know...' Fox said 'Falco and his problem was funny. In fact, it was a riot. But this, this is just sad. OK, you know what? I'm just going to stop talking to you all together. Now dont get me wrong, i dont hate you, you just scare me.'
'What about me?' Falco asked, surprising all of them. 'Do you not hate me either?'
'No Flaco..' Fox said. ' I dont hate you. but i think you'll make a ton of new friends. In fact, you'll have a good laugh with all of them.'
'How so?' Asked Slippy.
'I just cant wait until the academy hears about this.' Fox said, referring to Falco.
Falco, knowing of the inevatable, gave up and cried some more.
'Fox..' Slippy said 'now i know you better than that...'
'I gues so..' Fox said, a little dejected.
'You'll do a lot worse.'
'Damn straight.'
'i'm not sure waht you kids have against each other, but I dont want you doing it while i'm talking. After i was done Flying the Great FOX, i lived a long life in happiness, and eventually died of old age. But i came to realize that i lived a good life, and I did a lot in my time.'
'He sure did...' Fox said. ' I bet i can name off every narcotic in the book and he'll confirm it...' Slippy said.
'But anyway, now that i'm done, i'll answer any questions you may have on growing pumpkins.' Peppy concluded.
More silence except for Falco's crying.
'You know,' Fox said 'I had the worst time of my life today. It makes me want to go home, make a call to reven, shack up with her for another night, and forget that any of you exist. In fact, I'm going to as soon as we get back.'
'Yeah..' Falco said with a wavering voice 'And i'll call Katt, see if she's up to a movie, and see what happens from there.'
'And show her WHAT that would make her want to stay around?' Slippy asked.
The four companions flew off toward Sector Z, which was very much closer, and prepared to patrol.
'Just like Nam...' Peppy said.
they continued on their way, to the Delusions Of Granduer of Peppy's, and the sobs of Falco, never to return home sane again.
Fin.
To readers: And this concludes the life of the four piolits. We may nevetr know what really happened to Peppy, Fox may end up with thet beautiful Reven again, Slippy could become the Weapons Expert he...er... she... IT wanted to be, and Falco... well, the less said about Falco, the better. -Jose Philipe mendola