Harry Potter and the Bookwyrm
Author: Jill D. Weber AKA Jelsemium
Characters Owned by J.K. Rowling and used without permission or intent to make a profit.
Rating: PG for threat of violence.
Author's Notes: This story is more or less set during the Christmas break of the third book -- Prisoner of Azkaban. It contains no spoilers, though.
***
"Harry!" Ron and Hermione cried.
They rushed over to the bookcase, but nothing they tried opened it up again.
"Shhhhh!" hissed Madam Pince. "What's all this noise about?"
"Harry fell through the bookcase," Hermione replied.
The librarian scowled. "Figures the Potter boy would be making trouble," she huffed. She poked at the bookcase a few times, pulled at a few books, then frowned. "I've never known this case to do anything. I'd better get Filch to look into opening it again." She stomped off. "You two had better not try anything!"
"Wonderful," Ron sighed. "He'll probably give Harry detention, just out of spite." The students at Hogwarts dislike of Caretaker Argus Filch was only outdone by Filch's dislike of the students. He gave the students detention at every opportunity that presented itself. His main sorrow in life was that Headmaster Dumbledore didn't allow him to hang the students by their thumbs anymore.
"We'd better get him out of there ourselves," Hermione said.
"How?" Ron wanted to know.
"Figure out how he fell in, of course!" Hermione said impatiently. She reached for her wand and made a sound of disgust when she realized that she no longer had it on her.
"I'll see if I can find out what Fred and George did to his glasses," Ron said. He sprinted out of the library before Hermione could ask him to fetch her wand for her.
Hermione scowled at the bookcase in front of her. It looked so perfectly normal that she was surprised she hadn't suspected it of something before. Nothing at Hogwarts was 'perfectly normal' by muggle standards.
***
Harry managed to get his arms up and prevented himself from smashing face first into the floor. However, his glasses bounced off his nose and went clattering away. He sat up and shielded his eyes with one hand from the sudden brightness. With his other hand, he felt around for his escaped glasses.
"Allow me," a low sibilant voice spoke.
The next thing Harry knew, the glasses were placed in his outstretched hand.
"Thank you," he said. He lowered his other hand and blinked as his eyes adjusted.
"You're welcome," hissed the serpent he found facing him. "You've come just in time for dinner." The serpent smiled as best it could. "MY dinner."
***
Ron burst into the Gryffindor common room. "George, Fred, WHAT DID YOU DO TO HARRY'S GLASSES!" Ron bellowed. "Fix it before I tell Mom!"
Fred almost gagged on his rust flavored bean.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" George demanded as he slapped Fred on the back.
"Harry saw something strange in one of the bookcases and then he fell through and we can't get it open and Pince went to get Filch and if we don't get Harry out of there before Filch arrives he'll get detention and that's a shoddy thing to do to a friend on Christmas Eve!"
"I'm telling you, Ron, we didn't DO anything to those glasses!" gasped Fred. "I don't even know any tricks that would make somebody fall through a bookcase!"
"But if Harry's in trouble…" George said, bolting through the exit.
"And has found a new secret passage…" Fred added following his twin, still carrying his cardboard box.
"Oh, help," Ron said. He started to follow the twins, then whirled around and dashed up the stairs to fetch Harry and the twins' wands from the boys' dormitory. He wasted a few minutes looking for his own wand, then remembered that he'd had it downstairs in the common room. Then he bolted down the stairs from the boys' dormitory and up the stairs into the girls' dormitory to get Hermione's wand before he remembered that she'd had it in the common room, also. Maybe she still had it on her. He dashed downstairs and found Hermione's wand lying next to his own right next to the bowl of Every Flavor beans. He took a moment to catch his breath and count wands. THEN he made a mad dash for the library.
***
Harry swallowed. "Hello," he said.
The serpent's head raised and it's neck swelled, like a cobra's. "You speak Parseltongue!" it hissed in delight. "I've never eaten a human Parselmouth before!"
"Wh… why would you want to eat me?" Harry asked. "Wouldn't that be like, well, cannibalism?"
The serpent's tongue flickered at him. "And your point?"
Harry sighed. "Never mind," he said, wishing he'd brought his wand with him. He should have known better than to leave it behind.
"Ah, I thought perhaps you were challenging me to a riddle contest," sighed the serpent. "Glad you decided to just give up and go down quietly."
"Riddle contest?" Harry asked.
The serpent actually winced. "Did I say that out loud?" it asked in dismay.
"If I challenge you to a riddle contest, does that mean you're not allowed to eat me?"
The serpent sighed like a hissing tea kettle. "Oh, great, I finally meet a meal who doesn't know the rules, and I…"
"Spill the beans?" Harry asked.
"Don't be smart mouthed," the serpent said. "You're making me hungry."
"Oh, sorry," Harry said automatically before he realized that he was apologizing to the creature who was planning to eat him. "So, what are the rules of this contest?"
The serpent sighed. "Easy, you ask me a question, I ask you a question. The first one who fails to answer must forfeit… well, whatever it is that the winner wants." It grinned. "So, what is it that you want, Parselmouth?"
"Umm… surviving this encounter would be lovely," Harry managed. "What are you, anyway?"
The serpent chortled. "I am a bookwyrm," it hissed. "What other dragon relative would lurk in the bookcases of a library?" It slithered closer. "My turn."
Harry swallowed when he realized he'd asked his first riddle. He should have asked something harder. On the other hand, he couldn't think of any riddles, so maybe his best bet was to stall for time. Ron and Hermione must have gone for help by now.
"Sooo, my little Parselmouth, who are you?"
"Harry Potter," Harry said.
The reptilian head drew back a little, as if in alarm. Maybe he'd heard of Harry's encounter with Voldemort. That made Harry feel a little better, but not much.
"You're…" the Bookwyrm stopped itself.
Harry eyed it narrowly. "What happens if one of the contestants asks two questions in a row?" he prodded.
The Bookwyrm made a face. "Then that contestant loses," it hissed. "My turn. You're not serious about being Harry Potter… about being THE Harry Potter that defeated the Dark Lord?"
"Yes, I am" Harry replied. He pushed his bangs aside to show the distinctive lightning bolt shaped scar that was the souvenir of Voldemort's first attempt to kill him.
The Bookwyrm sounded like the Hogwarts' Express now. Harry wondered if anybody outside the bookcase could hear it.
***
Hermione was almost beside herself with worry when Madam Pince returned with Filch.
"What have you been up to, eh?" Filch growled at her.
"Harry fell through the bookcase," she said, pointing to the offending piece of furniture. And there's something inside there with him!" Hermione cried. "I can hear it hissing!"
"Hissing?" snapped the librarian. "Nonsense, there is nothing in this library…"
"D'yeh supposed that this is Bookwyrm's case?" Filch asked suddenly, suddenly sounding alarmed. "Maybe it's come back?"
"Oh! I thought that was just a myth," Madam Pince said. Then she fainted.
"Stupid git," growled Filch. He glared at Hermione. "I'll get the headmaster. He's the best one to deal with that thing. You wait here and see what you can do for her!"
It took Hermione several minutes to bring the librarian around. "Water," she gasped. "There's a glass on my desk."
Hermione hurried over and fetched the glass, which the librarian finished off in one gulp.
"There must be some information on opening this bookcase somewhere!" said Hermione. She was a firm believer in the power of books. They'd always been her best friend.
The librarian looked at her angrily. "Do you really want to open that door and face that…" she gestured as another furious hiss emerged from behind the bookcase.
Hermione looked at her frostily. "Do you really want the Headmaster to arrive and find you've done nothing to help one of his students?"
The librarian's eyes went wide. "Ah, perhaps I saw something in the restricted section once…" she murmured, getting to her feet. "You wait here."
***
"Your turn," prompted the Bookwyrm.
Harry hunted in his mind for a riddle and came up blank. "Um, why do you hang about libraries looking for meals?" he asked.
"Because I love to read, and I love intelligent dinners," the Bookwyrm replied. "You are what you eat, you know." It thought for a few minutes, then continued. "Besides, most regular library patrons are exactly, y'know, paragons of ferocity." It looked Harry up and down. "Even you don't look that… dangerous."
Harry frowned.
"No offense intended," the Bookwyrm added hurriedly. Now it's my turn. Let's get down to cases, shall we?"
"If you insist," Harry said, wondering about the Bookwyrm's reaction. For a second there, it had almost seemed scared of him. Maybe that would help him somehow. "And now it's my turn."
The Bookwyrm winced as it realized he'd asked a question. "Go on, then," it hissed.
"You're in luck, I seem to be a wee bit out of practice. It's not everyday I get to eat a celebrity."
"You haven't won the right to eat me yet," Harry warned as he tried to think of a stumper.
"You realize that not asking a riddle is the same as forfeiting," said the Bookwyrm as Harry's silence lengthened.
Harry sighed. "Okay, so why hang out at Hogwarts? Don't…" he stopped himself before he asked if the Bookwyrm knew that the place was filled with witches and wizards. "I'd think it would be too dangerous here," he finished.
The Bookwyrm laughed. "Oh, yes, I know, but I'm dangerous, too." It showed its fangs. "My turn." Its head bobbed back and forth a few minutes, then it said: "I can sizzle like bacon. I am made with an egg. I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg. I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole. I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole, What am I?"
***
When Ron reached the library, Hermione was all but in tears. "Why didn't you idiots bring your wands!" she hissed at the twins. "Harry's in danger!"
"How were we supposed to know that?" Fred asked, aggrieved.
George shot him an ironic look. "This is Harry Potter we're talking about, remember?"
"Oh, my mistake," Fred said. The cardboard box that he'd been carrying around was on the floor next to him. The twins were pulling books from the case and piling them up neatly on the floor as they tested for hidden panels.
"You idiots!" Ron said. "What if the spell that opens the bookcase needs to have the books arranged a certain way!"
"That's twice today we've been called idiots, George," Fred said. "You think there's something to it?"
"Nah," George said. "Ickle Ronniekins just doesn't realize that we have the books arranged to we can put them back exactly the way they were."
Ron snorted as he handed Hermione her wand. "Finally, a Weasley with some sense!" Hermione said.
"What? Is Mom here?" Fred asked, looking over his shoulder.
Ron kicked him, then handed him his wand. "Maybe we should just blast the bookcase," he said grimly.
"You're more likely to hurt Harry than whatever is in there with him," snapped Hermione.
"So much for Ron being a Weasley with sense," muttered George.
***
As all that was happening, Harry was staring at the Bookwyrm as he wracked his brain for an answer. The serpent stuck its tongue out at him and suddenly Harry's brain kicked back into gear. "You're a snake," he said. "Snakes are hatched, like birds and they shed their skins, like onions." He took his first good look at the Bookwyrm's body and saw that it, indeed, had no legs.
The Bookwyrm chuckled. "Pity, for a minute there, I thought I had you on a very basic riddle. Your turn." It folded itself back on its coils, like it was reclining in an easy chair.
Harry felt a little queasy and he wished Hermione was there. His bookish friend probably knew scads of riddles. All he could think of, however, was: "Um, how do you get in here?"
The Bookwyrm sighed and rolled its eyes. "There's a secret passage from the catacombs through the pipes. The outside opening is near the statue of Godric Gryffindor, the inside opening is right in this bookcase. These aren't proper riddles, I'm on the verge of disqualifying you."
Harry swallowed.
The Bookwyrm rolled its eyes as it thought. "What has roots as nobody sees. Is taller than trees. Up, up it goes. And yet never grows?"
Harry swallowed again. 'Taller than trees?' He thought. What is taller than trees? "Um, a mountain?"
The Bookwyrm let out a hissing sigh. "Correct. Your turn." It paused, then added. "And it had better be a proper riddle!"
Harry let out a small 'eep.' "Why is a math book sad?" he asked, remembering a riddle that he'd heard in his muggle school, eons ago.
The Bookwyrm sighed and made of show of rolling its eyes. "Because it has so many problems!" he growled. "You aren't very good at this, are you?" he asked.
"Haven't been eaten yet," Harry pointed out. "My turn, by the way."
"GAH!" said the Bookwyrm, smacking itself on the forehead with its tail.
Harry could have smacked his own forehead. If he hadn't said anything, the Bookwyrm might have asked two questions in a row and automatically lost. "Um," he said. "Thirty white horses on a red hill. First they champ. Then they stamp. Then they stand still."
The Bookwyrm snorted. "Human teeth," it replied snootily. It thought for a moment. "What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?"
Harry blinked. 'What runs and has a mouth and a bed…?' "A river," he replied after a few minutes.
"Fangs, I'm losing my touch," the Bookwyrm muttered. "Okay, go."
Harry put his hands in his pocket, looking for inspiration.
"And if you ask me what's in your pocket, I'll just eat you," the Bookwyrm said.
"Oh, right," Harry sighed. He felt the card from the Chocolate frog and said: "What walks on four legs at dawn, two legs at noon and three legs at dusk?"
The Bookwyrm laughed. "Oh, that one's as old as the Sphinx! Man, of course! He crawls when he's a baby, walks on two legs in his prime and uses a cane in his old age." The serpent eyed Harry hungrily. "Here's another famous riddle. It was put to Homer by some fishermen of Ios, and is said to have caused his death from frustration when he couldn't answer it."
'Lovely,' Harry thought. 'I'm supposed to solve a riddle Homer couldn't.' "Well, go on," he said.
"Those we caught we threw away, those we could not catch we kept."
Harry looked at the Bookwyrm blankly. The Bookwyrm licked its chops. Harry sighed, less than half an hour ago, he'd been safe in Gryffindor Tower, reading his book, watching Hermione brush her cat, listening to George complain about watching Hermione brushing her cat…
Wait a minute. What if the reason you kept something you couldn't catch is because it was something that you already had? Something like… "Fleas," he said aloud.
"Pssst… ," the Bookwyrm said. "Your turn."
Harry chewed the inside of his cheek. The comment about asking what was in his pocket made him think of the riddle contest in The Hobbit. Which gave him another riddle. "A box without hinges, key, or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid."
The Bookwyrm nodded approvingly. "Better. I think you're getting the hang of this. The answer is an egg, of course."
Harry sighed. He wasn't likely to know any riddles that the bookworm didn't know, and he wasn't very good at making them up.
The Bookwyrm chuckled. "Walk on the living, they don't even mumble. Walk on the dead, they mutter and grumble. What are they?"
Harry had heard something like this before, he was sure. "Grass!"
The Bookwyrm chortled. "No, leaves." It started towards Harry.
"Same thing!" Harry complained, backing up until he ran out of space. "Blades of grass are leaves, too!"
The Bookwyrm considered this. "Very well, your turn," it grumbled.
"Um," Harry said, wiping sweat from his forehead.
The Bookwyrm licked its chops as Harry's silence lengthened.
***
"This is not good," Ron muttered as the twins continued to investigate the bookcase. "Are you sure you can put things back exactly the way they were?"
"As long as you don't move anything," grunted George.
Hermione moved away so she wouldn't accidentally displace anything. "It has to be a simple answer. Why did Harry fall through the bookcase?" Hermione muttered to herself.
Ron frowned as he paced. "Question is, why didn't anybody else fall through? I mean, what's different about Harry than you and me? I mean, besides the whole business with You-Know-Who and the scar and the madman who's out to kill him and being such a good Seeker at Quidditch and all. I mean, really, aside from all that, he's just a shrimp in glasses!"
His eyes went wide. "Glasses! That must be it. He couldn't see the door when he took his glasses off, that's why we suspected Fred and George!"
Hermione dashed over to Pince's desk. "Good thinking!" she said. She snatched up Pince's drinking glass and hurried back to the bookcase. She held the glass up and she and Ron could see the doorway that Harry had mentioned.
Ron had to bend a little to bring his eyes on the same level as Hermione's. He touched the glass so he could scan the bookcase better. "Oh, there's the handle!" Ron said, pointing.
"Whatever you do, don't…" Fred started.
"Do that," George finished as Ron and Hermione disappeared.
They both sighed heavily. "Find some glass," said George.
***
"Go on," the Bookwyrm hissed.
'Wonderful,' thought Harry. 'This will make a great epitaph, or t-shirt: "I survived the Dark Lord only to get swallowed by an overgrown snake." ' Then the answer hit him.
Shortly after that, Ron and Hermione hit him as they fell through the bookcase. It took a few minutes to sort out whose limb belonged to whom. Then the three of them scrambled to their feet.
"No fair calling in reinforcements!" the Bookwyrm complained.
"Something hissed!" Ron said, looking around for the source.
When he spotted the Bookwyrm, his eyes went wide and he shoved Harry's wand into his hand.
"Thanks," Harry said. He gestured with his wand. "This is the Bookwyrm. He likes to read and eat people." Harry said in English. He gestured with his hand to Ron and Hermione. "These are my two best friends," he hissed in Parseltongue.
"Don't tell it our names!" Ron said in scandalized tones.
"I didn't!" Harry snapped indignantly.
The Bookwyrm inclined his head. "But I already know your names, Mr. Ronald Weasley, Miss Hermione Granger," it said in cultured tones. "I like to read, and Mr. Potter here is rather famous, you know. And you two aren't unknowns anymore."
"You speak English!" Hermione said, almost accusingly. She gripped her wand until her knuckles turned white and glared at the Bookwyrm.
"Of course, I speak many tongues," the Bookwyrm said smugly. "As I said, I am well read." It smiled. "And shortly, I shall be well fed." It looked at Harry and licked its lips.
"I don't think so," Ron said, scowling. "In case you aren't as good at arithmetic as you are at literature, I should like to point out that there are three of us and only one of you." He swished his wand meaningfully and hoped he looked threatening.
"No, you cannot interfere," the Bookwyrm complained. "It's against the rules, it is. I've played by the rules, so I get my shot at dinner!"
"What rules?" Hermione demanded, trying to look fiercer than she felt.
"Riddle game rules," the Bookwyrm said.
Ron swallowed. "We can't interfere, Hermione," he hissed. "Riddle contests are serious."
"However, you are now in the game," the Bookwyrm said. "She asked a question during his turn. I answered it. So now it's my turn to ask a question."
"But…" Hermione started.
Harry silenced her by holding up his hand. "You can't ask two riddles in one turn or you lose."
"Losing to me means you forfeit your life," the Bookwyrm warned.
"If they can't interfere, then you can't eat them," Harry said fiercely.
"I changed my mind," the Bookwyrm said silkily. "They are now part of the game, and they face the same fate, should you all fail to answer."
Harry looked at the other two in dismay.
"Well, we didn't come barging in here just to brush dust off your robes," Ron said, almost huffily. "We rather figured we'd be facing mortal peril."
"This is you we're talking about," Hermione added.
Harry blushed, but before he could decide whether to be touched, indignant, embarrassed or some combination of the three, the Bookwyrm spoke up.
"So, are…" The Bookwyrm stopped itself before it asked if they were ready to continue. "Enough chit-chat, my little tapas, it's my turn." Before the three could respond, the Bookwyrm continued. "Here's the next riddle. Where may you find roads without carts, forests without trees, and cities without houses?"
Harry and Ron exchanged anxious looks, but Hermione only snorted. "That's easy, you find them all on a map."
The Bookwyrm snorted. "Little Miss Know-it-all," it said, unknowingly echoing the complaint of many of Hermione's classmates.
Harry actually grinned. "You say that like it's a bad thing. Our turn," he said. He took a deep breath. "Say it aloud, and he'll know who you are. So name me the wizard that gave me this scar." And he pointed to his forehead.
The Bookwyrm froze in horror. "You… that's cheating! Besides, you guessed wrong my other question. I'm not letting you…"
Ron, Harry and Hermione raised their wands threateningly.
"You'd better count to ten before you lose your temper," Harry said.
The Bookwyrm hesitated.
"Or at least count to three," Ron added darkly.
"Gah," it said. "All right, I concede the contest. But I'm not giving you a forfeit, you cheated. Besides, it's annoying to have to leave without so much as a taste of blood."
"Well, if all you want is a taste," Harry said. He pulled out his handkerchief and displayed the beans. "Bernie Botts' Every Flavor Beans has blood flavor, too." He tossed them up to the Bookwyrm, who swallowed them down with a sour hiss.
"Well, it's better than nothing," Ron said. "After all, it's not every monster that can claim it's tasted Harry Potter's blood."
"Yeah, yeah," the Bookwyrm said.
"Dumbledore will be here any minute," Hermione warned.
The Bookwyrm decided to take the hint. It slithered off with a hiss that really didn't need translating.
***
The three adventurers sighed with relief.
"You should have insisted on your forfeit," Ron said jokingly, giving Harry a friendly punch in the shoulder. "It's in the rules, you know."
Harry gave him a disgusted look and slapped his hand away. "All I wanted was to get out of that encounter alive," he said. "It forfeiting its dinner is enough for me."
"Are you hurt?" Hermione asked.
Harry shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. "No, just…" He stopped. They all knew he'd been scared silly, so why dwell on it? "Thanks for coming to my rescue," he said sincerely.
"Yeah, sure," Ron said diffidently, suddenly uncomfortable at the possibility of mushy stuff.
"Well, we had to do something," Hermione said, blushing.
Harry grinned and changed the subject. "How did you find me?" he asked.
Relieved at getting past the potentially embarrassing gratitude part, Hermione picked up the water glass and explained their deductions.
"Good thinking," Harry said looking around. "Any idea how to get out of here?"
Hermione looked around, too. "No," she sighed. She looked through the water glass before it dawned on her that if looking through glass would show the solution, Harry would have already seen it. She blushed again, but the boys were too busy poking around the backside of the bookcase to notice her slip.
"Dunno if you could say we actually rescued you, though," Ron said. "You were doing fine."
"The Bookwyrm wouldn't have given up that easily if you two hadn't been here," Harry said. Then he sighed. "I just wish I could riddle a way out of here before Filch shows up."
"Dumbledore will know how to open the case," Ron said reassuringly.
"How will Prof. Dumbledore know…" Hermione started, then she interrupted herself. "Oh, of course, he wears glasses, too. He'll spot the door right away."
"He probably already knows about it," Ron said.
Just then, George and Fred came through the bookcase, wands at the ready.
"Is everybody all right, then?" Fred asked, relaxing a trifle. He tucked the magnifying glass he'd swiped from the librarian's desk into his pocket.
"No, we all got eaten," Ron replied. "Can't you see the bloody bones lying about?"
"Pity," Fred said. "I was hoping for a quick game of Exploding Snap." He opened up the box he'd been carrying around. "Anybody interested?"