'Thank God! She's finally ending it!' I hear you cry, yes, I know it's boring, I know its tedious, I know its the worst attempt at a fanfic since monkeys learnt to type, but it is finally coming to close; so you can all sleep peacefully a night knowing that this pathetic stain on the blanket of Internet will float into cyberspace never to be seen again. But thanks for all your reviews, very encouraging and, no, I made the Itchy and Scratchy episode up. . . like they say in South Park, 'the Simpsons have done everything' so why try and avoid it? Oh well, here is the last chapter, enjoy!

Disclaimer ('cos I forgot on the last 2 chapters ^///^): As you may have guessed, I do not own the Simpsons or any related er. . . stuff.

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Part Troi (just thought I'd go a bit European there)

Quite conveniently to the plot, it just so happens to be the day before Valentine's the following week.

Bart is in his room at his desk surrounded by scraps of pink paper, glue and lace.

Lisa appears in the doorway and sneaks in quietly, as she is leaning over Bart's shoulder she asks,

'Watcha doin'?'

'Aaaaahhhhhh!' yells Bart in surprise; he quickly covers up all his work,

'Let's see. . .' says Lisa picking up the half finished valentine, 'this must be for Maaaaaaaandy:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Anybody would puke if hey had to kiss you.'

'Oh, sorry! That one's for principal Skinner, this one's for Mandy.' says Bart handing Lisa a big paper heart surrounded by lace.

'Dear Mandy,

I like you a lot. . . for a girl, and wish you would be my girlfriend.

Love Bart.

Oooooooooo! Bart's got a girlfriend, Bart's got a girlfriend.'

'Oh yeah?!' snaps Bart, 'Well who'd you write to?' Lisa gives an embarrassed chuckle and fiddles with her necklace,

'The Backstreet Boys.' Bart grabs a rose lying on his desk,

'Now for the piece de la resistance!' he says as he sprinkles rose petals over the card.

'Bart!' cries Lisa, 'That's the Dad's valentine's gift to Mom. Bart shrugs his shoulders,

'Meh, they'll never notice.' he says, placing the decapitated rose stalk back in it's vase.

* * *

Bart leaps on to the banister and slides down clutching his valentine.

'Happy Valentine's Day, Sweety!' calls Marge from the kitchen, 'I made heart shaped pancakes.'

'Sorry, Mom, no time. I've gotta give this valentine to Mandy.'

'Awwwwww, my sweet little pumpkin snugglepuss has a iccle-wittle, cwushy-wush.' on hearing this, Bart stands frozen in shock and utters,

'Mom, don't ever talk like that again.' and hops on to his skateboard down the road.

Marge sighs and says,

'Now those pancake will have to go in the trash.' she turns round to see Santa's Little Helper gingerly chewing on the pancakes, 'Bad dog! Stop.' she says, scooping up the plate and tipping the contents into the trash.

* * *

Bart arrives at Milhouse's house only to find a moving van waiting outside . Bart rushes up to Mandy who is standing gloomily on the sidewalk, her face lights up as she sees him running towards her,

'Bart!'

'Mandy, what's going on?'

'We're moving back to Australia.'

'But why? It's just a bunch off kangaroos and boomerangs.' Mandy looks at him sceptically and replies,

'The Springfield Mafia are after us. Look, they're in that bush right now.' she indicates a bush through which 3 sets of eyes are peering.

Inside the bush sit Fat-Toni and his 2 cronies,

'Do you think they see us?' asks Legs as they look out at Mandy who is staring straight at them and pointing at the bush.

'Not a chance.' replies Fat-Toni.

Bart reaches deep into his pocket and says,

'Mandy, even though you're going away, I wanna give this to you.' he is about to hand her the card when Milhouse comes rushing out of the house and cries,

'Mandy! I have to give you something.' he is holding a pink heart covered in sprinkles and messy hand-writing. Bart spots the card and says discreetly,

'Milhouse, may I talk to you a second?' he leads him over to the bushes, 'Do you have a crush on your sister?!'

'Step-sister.' corrects Milhouse,

'Well?'

'Um, I--' Milhouse mumbles turning red.

'That's disgusting! Your children will be born mutants!' cries Bart,

'Well you like her too!' says Milhouse snatching Bart's valentine from his hand,

'Give that back!' shouts Bart as he wrenches Milhouse's valentine from him,

'Hey!' yells Milhouse,

'Let's see here,' says Bart, 'Dear Mandy, I love you more than tapioca and--'

'Stop it!!' and with that Milhouse leaps at Bart's throat and the two wrestle around on the ground attempting to kill eachother when they suddenly hear the sound of a motor. The pair look up to see Mandy driving away,

'Bye Bart! Bye Milhouse!' she shouts as Fat-Toni runs after the car clutching a knife.

'Wait! I just wanted to return your letter! It was delivered to the wrong address! See, I got a letter-opener!' he shouts after them.

'She's gone' sighs Bart, 'and she never even knew how I felt.'

'Well, atleast I've got her address and phone number right here on this--' Milhouse reaches into his pocket and his eyes widen,

'What is it?' asks Bart

'The intensity of the situation made me wet my pants.'

'Oh well,' says Bart putting his arm around Milhouse, 'it's the first time a girl had ever come between us and--'

'What about my old girlfriend, the one who ended up at St. Sebastian's?'

'Well, that was a fluke but--'

'And Renier Wolfcastle's daughter.'

'Well--'

'And the--'

'Okay, okay, point taken. But it'll never happen again. Hey!' just at that moment a cute girl walks past.'

'Wow!' drools Milhouse, 'Look at the legs on that one!'

'I saw here first, and beside, she's wearing pants.'

'She's mine!'

'Oh yeah?!' and soon the two are rolling around on the floor like rabid dogs once again.

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Taa-daa! Oh, and just so you know, Bart's opinion of Australia does not represent my own. . . Mate. End!

=^. .^= . (,,',,) . ( . ) . (