Disclaimer: I (Took) don't own LotR or the Kingston Trio's song "Bad Man's
Blunder", except on CD and my mom really owns that. Characters are a
little...out of character
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*we see Lurtz in Gondor, chopping wood, chains around one foot with te chain and ball*
*Faramir walks up*
Faramir [spoken]: Hey, man, what ya in for?
Lurtz [sung]: Welll,
*Lurtz magically gets a guitar, an orc behind hims also gets one, a random goblin (also behind him) gets a banjo, they all start playing*
Lurtz [sung]: Early one evenin' I was strollin' along,
I was feelin' kinda mean, I shot the Steward down.
Stroll along home and I went to bed,
Laid my quiver up under my head.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: He strolled along home.
Lurtz [spoken]: I took my time.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: And he went to bed.
Lurtz [spoken]: Thought I'd sleep some.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Laid his quiver.
Lurtz [spoken]: Full 44.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Up under his head.
Lurtz [spoken]: I keep it handy.
Lurtz [sung]: Early the next mornin', 'bout the break of day,
I figgered it was time to make a getaway.
Steppin' right along, but I was steppin' too slow,
Got surrounded by the Company down in Mirkwood-o.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: He was steppin' right along.
Lurtz [spoken]: I were a-hot-footing it!
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: But he was steppin' too slow.
Lurtz [spoken]: It was a sultry day.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Got surrounded by the Company.
Lurtz [spoken]: Boxed in.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: In Mirkwood-o.
Lurtz [spoken]: I didn't even have a chance to see the country.
Lurtz [sung]: When I was arrested and I didn't have a dime,
The Ranger said, "Son, you're riding free this time.
Where you're goin' you won't need a cent,
'Cause the great state of Gondor is gonna pay your rent."
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: 'Cause where you're going.
Lurtz [spoken]: I think he means jail!
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: You won't need a cent.
Lurtz [spoken]: Well, he knows I'm broke.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: 'Cause the great state of Gondor.
Lurtz [spoken]: (boringly) Yippee.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Is gonna pay your rent.
Lurtz [spoken]: I'm mighty grateful, fellas.
Lurtz [sung]: Well, I didn't have a key and I didn't have a file,
So naturally I stayed around until my trial.
The judge was a young Elf, nine hundred.
And I didn't like the way the Hobbits looked at me.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Well, the judge was a young Elf.
Lurtz [spoken]: Too young.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Nine hundred.
Lurtz [spoken]: Entriely too old.
Lurtz/Orc/Goblin [spoken]: And I/he didn't like the waaaay,
The Hobbits looked at me/him.
Lurtz [spoken]: I think they was suspicious.
Orc&Goblin [sung]: The Elf and the Hobbits, they did agree,
They all said murder in the first degree.
The Elf said:
Goblin [sung]: Son, I don't know whether to hang ya or not,
But this here killin' of future Stewards has just naturally got to stop.
Orc [spoken]: You got a point there judge!
Lurtz [sung]: It was a most unsatusfactory trial,
They gave me ninty-nine years on the soft wood pile.
Ninty and nine on the soft wood ground,
And all I ever did what shoot the Steward down.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Ninety and nine.
Lurtz [spoken]: It could-da been life!
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: On the soft wood ground.
Lurtz [spoken]: They might've hung me!
Orc&Goblin [sung]: And all he ever did, was shoot the Steward dooooo-ooooo- ooooo-oooown!
Lurtz [spoken]: This whole thing has sure been a lesson to me.
*musical riff*
Lurtz [spoken]: Twang, you're dead.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*we see Lurtz in Gondor, chopping wood, chains around one foot with te chain and ball*
*Faramir walks up*
Faramir [spoken]: Hey, man, what ya in for?
Lurtz [sung]: Welll,
*Lurtz magically gets a guitar, an orc behind hims also gets one, a random goblin (also behind him) gets a banjo, they all start playing*
Lurtz [sung]: Early one evenin' I was strollin' along,
I was feelin' kinda mean, I shot the Steward down.
Stroll along home and I went to bed,
Laid my quiver up under my head.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: He strolled along home.
Lurtz [spoken]: I took my time.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: And he went to bed.
Lurtz [spoken]: Thought I'd sleep some.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Laid his quiver.
Lurtz [spoken]: Full 44.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Up under his head.
Lurtz [spoken]: I keep it handy.
Lurtz [sung]: Early the next mornin', 'bout the break of day,
I figgered it was time to make a getaway.
Steppin' right along, but I was steppin' too slow,
Got surrounded by the Company down in Mirkwood-o.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: He was steppin' right along.
Lurtz [spoken]: I were a-hot-footing it!
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: But he was steppin' too slow.
Lurtz [spoken]: It was a sultry day.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Got surrounded by the Company.
Lurtz [spoken]: Boxed in.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: In Mirkwood-o.
Lurtz [spoken]: I didn't even have a chance to see the country.
Lurtz [sung]: When I was arrested and I didn't have a dime,
The Ranger said, "Son, you're riding free this time.
Where you're goin' you won't need a cent,
'Cause the great state of Gondor is gonna pay your rent."
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: 'Cause where you're going.
Lurtz [spoken]: I think he means jail!
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: You won't need a cent.
Lurtz [spoken]: Well, he knows I'm broke.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: 'Cause the great state of Gondor.
Lurtz [spoken]: (boringly) Yippee.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Is gonna pay your rent.
Lurtz [spoken]: I'm mighty grateful, fellas.
Lurtz [sung]: Well, I didn't have a key and I didn't have a file,
So naturally I stayed around until my trial.
The judge was a young Elf, nine hundred.
And I didn't like the way the Hobbits looked at me.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Well, the judge was a young Elf.
Lurtz [spoken]: Too young.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Nine hundred.
Lurtz [spoken]: Entriely too old.
Lurtz/Orc/Goblin [spoken]: And I/he didn't like the waaaay,
The Hobbits looked at me/him.
Lurtz [spoken]: I think they was suspicious.
Orc&Goblin [sung]: The Elf and the Hobbits, they did agree,
They all said murder in the first degree.
The Elf said:
Goblin [sung]: Son, I don't know whether to hang ya or not,
But this here killin' of future Stewards has just naturally got to stop.
Orc [spoken]: You got a point there judge!
Lurtz [sung]: It was a most unsatusfactory trial,
They gave me ninty-nine years on the soft wood pile.
Ninty and nine on the soft wood ground,
And all I ever did what shoot the Steward down.
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: Ninety and nine.
Lurtz [spoken]: It could-da been life!
Orc&Goblin [spoken]: On the soft wood ground.
Lurtz [spoken]: They might've hung me!
Orc&Goblin [sung]: And all he ever did, was shoot the Steward dooooo-ooooo- ooooo-oooown!
Lurtz [spoken]: This whole thing has sure been a lesson to me.
*musical riff*
Lurtz [spoken]: Twang, you're dead.