Disclaimer: I re-discovered Jim Croce! Well, a CD anyway. Still haven't found Boromir, Sam, or Legolas. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

*the Fellowship is standing around Boromir*

Boromir [spoken]: I shall tell you all of why I am not too eager to go to Lorien.

**to the tune of "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown"**

Boromir [sung]: Well 'ole south side of Lothlorien

Is the baddest part of town

And if you go down there

You better just beware

Of an Elf name of Celeborn

Now Cele more than trouble

You see he stand about six foot four

All those downtown Elvies call him "Treetop Lover"

All the men just call him "Sir"

And he's bad, bad Celeborn

The baddest Elf in the whole danged wood

Badder than a-old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog

Now Cele he a gambler

And he like his fancy clothes

And he like to wear his Elvin ring

In front of everybody's nose

He got a custom Continental

He got ab Eldorado too

He got a .32 bow in his pocket for fun

He got a razor in his boot

And he's bad (bad) bad (bad) Celeborn

The baddest Elf in the whole danged wood

Badder than a-old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog

Well Friday 'bout a week ago

Cele shootin' dice

And at the edge of the bar

Sat a girl named Arwen

And ooh that girl looked nice

Well he cast his eyes upon her

And the trouble soon began

And Celeborn had learned a lesson 'bout a-messin'

With the wife of a jealous man

And he's bad (bad) bad (bad) Celeborn

The baddest Elf in the whole danged wood

Badder than a-old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog

Well the two Elves took to fighting

And when they pulled them from the floor

Cele looked like a jigsaw puzzle

With a couple of pieces gone

And it's bad, bad Celeborn

The baddest Elf in the whole danged wood

Badder than a-old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog

And he's bad (bad) bad (bad) Celeborn

The baddest Elf in the whole danged wood

Badder than a-old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog

Yeah he was badder than a-old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog.

Pippin [spoken]: Merry?

Merry [spoken]: Yeah, Pip?

Pippin [spoken]: I don't want to go to Lorien anymore.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Now I must grovel at your feet for help. I need suggestions! I'll try to find them. I have cookies and Legolas...if I ever re-capture him