Part: 11/?
Author: PsycGurl
Rating: PG-13
Couples: W/T

Spoilers: Set in season three of Buffy.
Feedback: Please review!

Distribution: Please ask me.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. The visions were taken from Buffy transcripts at www. psyche.kn-bremen.de and were transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).

CHAPTER 11

DREAMS- WILLOW

Willow walked into her room once Oz had dropped her off and quickly collapsed on her bed. She was so tired. She turned on her side and her eye caught sight of her bookshelf. It was full of magic books. Willow recalled that there was a time when that shelf was full of Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare…but now it was full of books containing spells to make a pen float and to make people fall in love. Her eyes started to water as she stared at the books. She loved magic…it made her important…it made her fit in…it made her mature. She wasn't the geeky high school girl anymore…she was a witch…a mature witch. Returning Angel's soul…flying pencils…it all gave her a rush. It was all fun…it was good fun. But she realised that sooner or later that rush would end up hurting her and those around her. Willow closed her eyes hoping to divert her thoughts from her future…and soon, hastily fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

Xander: (more calmly) "This is deep stuff, Willow. We're talking about raising the dead."

Willow: "It's time we stop talking. Tomorrow night…we're bringing Buffy back."

~*~*~*~

Tara: "It is wrong. (Willow looks surprised) It's against all the laws of nature, and practically impossible to do, but it's what we agreed to. If-if you guys are changing your minds…"

Willow: "Nobody's changing their minds. Period."

~*~*~*~

Near a peaceful pond surrounded by grass and trees on a bright sunny day Willow kneels on a blanket on the grass. She pours something from a small pot onto the ground and she looks around. A young deer comes around a tree and toward her.

Willow: "Come forward, blessed one."

The fawn walks over to her. Willow pets it gently, puts her arm around its back. Willow's hand grabs a large knife lying on the blanket and thrusts.

~*~*~*~

Willow gasped in her sleep.

~*~*~*~

Tara, Willow, Xander, and Anya are standing in a semicircle beside Buffy's grave. Xander and Tara hold lit candles. Willow produces a small jar containing the fawn's blood, and pours it into the urn.

Willow: "Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us."

She dips her finger into the urn and marks her forehead and both cheeks with the blood.

Willow: "Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing."

She pours the contents of the urn onto the earth.

Willow: "Accept our offering. Know our prayer."

Suddenly she jerks backward, panting, and her arms go out at her sides. Deep ugly gashes appear on her arms.

Willow: (louder) "Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over."

Willow winces in pain. We see blood running from the cuts on her arms, and round shapes moving under her skin. She gives a little moan of pain. The round things move up her arms and over her chest toward her neck.  The others watch anxiously. Willow continues breathing heavily. Willow still kneels with her arms held out, panting. The others watch with concern.

Willow: (yelling) "Osiris, let her cross over! Aah…"

Willow makes choking noises as we see the round things under her skin moving up her neck. Willow leans forward putting her hands on the ground, gagging. A snakehead appears in her open mouth. Her fingers clutch the grass. The snake slithers out her mouth and onto the ground. The others look horrified. Willow leans over the ground with her mouth still open. Orange light swirls around Willow, who kneels again, panting loudly.

Willow: "Osiris, release her!"

Willow, still encased in a tube of reddish-orange light, pants. A demon then runs his bike over the Urn of Osiris, shattering it.

Willow: (screams) "No!"

The red light dissipates and Willow falls to the ground.

Xander: "Willow. Willow, are you okay?"

Willow: (weakly) "Did it work?"

Willow then passes out again.

~*~*~*~

The young witch's mouth opened in shock and fear. Pain cascaded through her own, present body.

~*~*~*~

Demon: "So, witch, got a little power after all. Well, let's see what tricks you can manage while I choke the life outta…"

Suddenly he gasps and lets Willow go. She falls to the ground. The demon falls face-first beside her, with the axe buried in his back. Willow looks up to see Tara standing there. Tara bends over and helps Willow up.

Willow: "Tara!"

Tara: "Nobody messes with my girl."

~*~*~*~

The sleeping Willow looked utterly perplexed.

~*~*~*~

Spike: "Willow knew there was a chance that she'd come back wrong. So wrong that you'd have…that she would have to get rid of what came back. And I wouldn't let her. If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her. And that's why she shut me out."

 ~*~*~*~

Tara: "Are you worried?"

Willow: "Worried? Tara, it worked fine. (not convincingly) It's all good."

Tara: "Hey, Will, this is me. It doesn't all have to be "good" and "fine." This is the room where you don't have to be brave. I still love you. If you're worried you can be worried".

Willow: "Well…I'm not… unworried. I mean, what, what happened, that was intense.  That's…gotta change you. (points at her head) It's just kinda…noisy up here tonight, you know?"

Tara snuggles up to Willow, puts her face next to hers and an arm across Willow's middle.

Tara: "Is this better?"

Willow: (smiles) "Yeah. I think it makes things quieter in here. If things did go right… wouldn't you think she'd be…happier? Like, wouldn't you think she would be so happy that we brought her out?"

Tara: "You thought she'd say thanks. Be more grateful."

Willow: "Would I be a terrible person if I said yes?"

Tara: "Give her time. She'll get there."

~*~*~*~

Buffy: "Thank you. You guys gave me the world. I can't tell you what it means to me.  And I should have said it before."

Willow: (tearful) "You're welcome."

Willow hugs Buffy.

~*~*~*~

Willow smiles happily.

~*~*~*~

Giles: "Mmm. (removes his glasses) Tell me about this spell you performed."

Willow: "This giant snake came out my mouth and there was all this energy crackling, and this pack of demons interrupted, but I totally kept it together. And then, the next thing you know? Buffy."

She smiles proudly. Giles has his back to her.

Giles: (over his shoulder) "You're a very stupid girl."  (turns to face her) Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed? Of everyone here…you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature."

Willow: "Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do."

Giles: "Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them."

Willow: "No, probably not, but…well, they're the bad guys. I'm not a bad guy. (upset) I brought Buffy back into this world, a-and maybe the word you should be looking for is "congratulations." I was amazing. And how would you know? You weren't even there."

Giles: "If I had been, I'd have bloody well stopped you. The magicks you channelled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!"

Willow: "You're right. The magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off."

~*~*~*~

The Wicca was stunned at her attitude.

~*~*~*~

Willow speaks a few words of Japanese and a shimmer goes through the room. When it passes, the room is decorated with paper lanterns and streamers. The others look around. Giles gives a disapproving look, which he shares with Tara.

Tara: "The grocery store's still open, we…could've bought decorations there. Why use magic when you can do something naturally?"

Willow: "Well, you can fight monsters naturally, with sticks and stones. Don't recommend it though."

Tara: "It's different."

Willow: "How?"

Tara: "Because you're protecting people. Keeping them from being hurt."

Willow: "Which makes them happy. Like pretty decorations made Anya happy. You're always coming down on me for, for doing magic that couldn't harm a fly. What's your problem?"

Tara: "Willow, I j-just wish that you would stop and think about what you're…" (Dawn enters)

Willow: "It's okay. We're done."

~*~*~*~

Willow: "Hard to believe such a hot mama-yama came from humble, geek-infested roots?"

Tara: "Infested roots, trying to turn me on?"

Willow: (smiles) "I have to try now?"

They kiss and walk up the Bronze's stairs. They reach the top and look over.

Tara: "Do you see her?"

Willow: "No, there's too many people. One among many, many fade to one…"

Tara: (grabs her hand) "What are you doing? Will?"

Willow: "I'm just gonna clear the crowd. I'll just shift everyone who isn't a fifteen-year-old girl into an alternate dimension." (smiling)

Tara: "W-what would Giles say?"

Willow: (toward the crowd) "Sukut!"

The crowd noises all go away, leaving it silent, although the people continue to dance and the band keeps playing like nothing's wrong.

Willow: "You two have been talking about me behind my back."

Tara: "Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just, just sit back and keep my mouth shut?"

Willow: "Well, that'd be a good start." (Tara looks shocked.)

Tara: "If I didn't love you so damn much I would!" (Tara turns and storms away)

~*~*~*~

Willow frowned in her sleep.

~*~*~*~

Willow: "I, I'm sorry, okay?"

Tara: (angrily) "You know what, can, can we not do this now? I'm tired." (gets into bed)

Willow: "Okay. Let's just forget it ever happened."

Willow goes over to a side table, picks up a small piece of herb with a couple of flowers on it. She holds it in her palm.

Willow: (softly) "Forget."

A flash of light moves across the herb, leaving it dead and wilted. Willow gets into bed.

Tara smiles, giggles. Tara snuggles up to Willow.

Willow: (smiles) "So, uh…you're not mad?"

Tara: "'Bout what?"

Willow smiles to herself.

~*~*~*~

The sleeping young witch muttered an 'uh oh'.

~*~*~*~

Dawn: "Hm. (smiles at Tara) I'm glad you guys made up."

Tara: "What?"

Dawn: "That fight you guys had about magic and stuff? It gives me belly rumblings when you guys fight."

Tara: (confused) "Dawn, Willow and I never fought about…"

Dawn: "It's okay. It's just…you guys are so great together. I just hate it when you…"

Tara puts her hand to the "forget" herb pinned on her blouse & removes it.

~*~*~*~

Tara looks through a book. She holds the piece of dried herb up to a picture of the same herb. The herb is labelled "Lethe's Bramble. Used for augmenting spells of forgetting and mind control."

~*~*~*~

Tara: "It's totally not stupid to wonder what it was like for Buffy. All we know is that ... it was a good place and she was happy there."

Willow: "And we took her away from that. We were so selfish. I was so selfish."

Tara: "Not to be Miss Psycho Pep Squad, but we have got to stop obsessing about what we did and start trying to make things better for Buffy."

Willow: "I can fix it. I know a spell."

Tara: (angrily) "No! No more spells."

Willow: "Then what? I know I messed up, okay, and…I wanna fix it."

Tara: "I can't believe that we are talking about this again. You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone, you…you could hurt yourself."

Willow: (shaking head) "I know a spell that will make her forget she was ever in heaven."

Tara: (angrily) "God, what is wrong with you?!… I know you used that spell on me."

Willow: "Tara, I'm sorry, I…I-I didn't…mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you."

Tara: "If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear."

Willow: "Okay. I'm…I realize I, I did it wrong."

Tara: "You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you ... you don't even consider the options. You just…you just do a spell. It's not good for you, Willow. And it's not what magic is for."

Willow: (anxious) "But I…I just wanna help people."

Tara: "Maybe that's how it started, but…you're helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me. (tearfully) I don't think this is gonna work."

Willow: "Hey. It is, i-it's working. (Tara just looks at her, looks down) Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I…let me prove it to you, okay?"

Tara: "Go a week. One week without magic."

Willow: (excited) "Fine. Fine, that's easy!"

Tara: (nods, not convinced) "Go a week, and then we'll see. I just…think we both need some…I don't know, space. (Willow looks upset) Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this."

Willow: "Are you saying you're gonna leave me?"

~*~*~*~

Willow grimaced.

~*~*~*~

Willow opens a cabinet and takes out a plastic bag that was hidden behind some books. She kneels by the fireplace, takes a large piece of Lethe's Bramble (forget herb) from the bag and puts it in the fireplace.

Willow: "For Buffy and Tara, this I char."

She strikes a match and sets the flowers on fire.

Willow: "Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore. Purge their minds of memories grim, of pains from recent slights and sins."

She reaches into a small pouch on her belt, takes out a clear crystal and holds it in the flames.

Willow: "When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. (pulls the crystal back) Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa."

She puts the crystal back in her belt-pouch, gets up and leaves.

~*~*~*~

Willow, grabs Tara and they fall to the ground, Willow on top of Tara. The crystal falls out of Willow's pouch and onto the ground. Xander's foot comes down on the crystal. It gives off a green light as it smashes. Once regaining their memory, Tara gives Willow an angry look. Willow looks over at the crystal, which is broken into pieces lying on the ground. Tara stands up, still giving Willow a look of disgust. Willow stays sitting, looking up at her. Slowly Willow looks down, feels her belt pouch and finds it empty. Tara looks down at Willow. Willow stands up and looks at her. Tara looks away, doesn't meet her eyes.

~*~*~*~

Tara walks over to the bed in Willow & her room and puts the clothes in a cardboard box sitting there. Willow is sitting on the floor in Buffy's room with her knees pulled up to her chest crying. Tara walks down the stairs holding a box and walks out of Buffy's house.

~*~*~*~

Small tears trickled from Willow's eyes.

~*~*~*~

Willow: " 'Cio che fu non e piu. Cio che fu fatto disfa. Passato e il pericolo, finita e la prova. Metti le cosa a posto.'"

Willow looks up at the bed. Red lightning flashes as the rat morphs back into Amy, sitting naked on the bed with her legs pulled up to her chest. Willow smiles.

~*~*~*~

Willow pulls out her laptop computer and sets it on the table.

Xander: "All right, back to basics. A little old-fashioned state-of-the-art hacker action."

Buffy: "That's great, Will, I haven't seen you do that in a long time."

Willow puts her hands over the keyboard, not touching it. The keyboard glows with a pale yellow light.

Buffy: (to Xander) "I-I don't remember that part." (Buffy and Xander staring at Willow)

Willow: (staring blankly in front of her) "It's quicker. It'll just take me a sec to go through the files."

Buffy and Xander exchange a concerned look. Willow takes her hands off the keyboard, ending the spell. She looks at them.

Willow: "What's the deal with…"

Anya: "Oh, for crying out loud. You're all, 'la la la!' with, with the magic, and the not talking, like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you and now everyone's scared to say anything to you."

Willow: "Guys…it's okay. It's hard…but i-it's better this way. Little things just… starting taking over, things that didn't matter, but we saw them differently, so…they got blown out of proportion. (Shot of Buffy and Xander listening) And, this time away will help us sort through things. Really."

~*~*~*~

Amy: "Come on, let's get outta here. Or… maybe…you'd rather sit home all night, alone, like in high school."

Willow: "I can party! Not like I owe anyone anything. I am totally free. (nods) So, let's make with the fun."

~*~*~*~

Willow scowled.

~*~*~*~

Xander: "Tara thinks Willow is doing too much magic. And she's not the only one."

Buffy: "I know. But I-I think she'll be fine. It's Willow. She of the level head."

Anya: "Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types. Responsible people are always so concerned with being good all the time, that when they finally get a taste of being bad…they can't get enough. It's like all kablooey."

Xander: "It's human nature, Buff. Will's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her."

Anya: "Yeah, she was getting out of control with it before Tara left, and now that she's gone…"

Xander: "It's gotta be seductive."

~*~*~*~

We see Amy and Willow on the upper level, leaning on the railing looking down. Amy and Willow grin happily, look at the dancing boys. Amy looks down at the lower level, makes a gesture. A white-clad demon appears, floating over the dancers' heads. Willow makes a gesture at two guys standing side-by-side. One guy begins to shrink while the other grows very large, both looking around and yelling in confusion. Amy makes a gesture and turns a bunch of dancers into sheep. Willow and Amy grin at each other. The whole room has various bolts of magic swirling around, people floating in the air, etc.

~*~*~*~

Willow: " I, I just keep thinking…there's gotta be someplace, like, bigger than this."

Amy: "Besides, it's way too early to go home yet."

Willow smiles.

~*~*~*~

Amy: "Last night. It's nuts, everything's different. I mean…(grins at Willow) the Bronze, for one thing. (to Tara) And Willow! She's a freaking amazing witch now. (Tara looking upset) I couldn't even keep up with her last night."

Willow: "Amy."

Amy: "No, it's true! (to Tara) I mean, I can do some transmography, but she is messing with dimensions and everything, it was awesome! This blowhard dude, first she made his mouth disappear? Thank god. And then…"

Tara continues looking angrily at Willow.

Tara: "I, I re-really need to go."

~*~*~*~

Willow squealed in protest…still in her sleep.

~*~*~*~

Anya: "What about Willow, can't she do something?"

Buffy: "No, she was out late. With Amy. She's just ... helping Amy through a transition."

Xander: "And making herself a playmate to do magic with. Someone who won't monitor her like Tara."

Anya: "All we're saying is, she's acting different. You know, she's not herself."

~*~*~*~

Amy: "So what do you wanna do? I know this guy…and he knows spells that last for days. And the burnout factor is like, nothing."

Willow: "Really? He's a warlock?"

Amy: "I guess. Look, I am not kidding you. This guy…will blow your mind. He will take you to places that you can't even imagine."

Willow looks uncertain. She turns and resumes walking. Amy falls into step beside her.

Willow: "Is it dangerous?"

Amy: "Would that stop you?"

~*~*~*~

Willow lies a ceiling with her shirt almost completely unbuttoned, her hair spread out across the ceiling. She writhes slowly, a small smile on her face. Willow opens her eyes, looks down at the room with sofas and a round table in the middle of the room surrounded by cushions. Bright green grass begins to sprout, covering the entire floor and all the furniture. Willow closes her eyes again, rolls over onto her stomach on the ceiling. She rolls back over onto her back. The grass and bright green trees and bushes continue to grow on the floor. Willow continues to writhe in ecstasy on the ceiling. She sees a figure of a person moving in the foliage  but can't make it out. Willow opens her eyes and looks. She sees the bare legs of a person being dragged under a bush. Willow frowns a little. Then a red-skinned demon comes out from under the bush and snarls up at Willow. Willow gives a short scream and falls from the ceiling. She lands on her stomach on the floor. All the grass and greenery is gone -- it was a hallucination.

~*~*~*~

Willow groaned, remembering the previous vision she had received that earlier that night.

~*~*~*~

Amy: "She's as bad as I am, worse. (Buffy frowns) Bet she's at Rack's right now."

Buffy: "Rack's?"

Amy: "A place. He does spells, heavy stuff. (resentfully) Willow's his new favorite."

Buffy: "She's there? (slams Amy against the wall again) With Dawn?"

~*~*~*~

Dawn and Willow walking down the street.

Dawn: "Is this the way to the movies?"

Dawn and Willow coming through the walls into Rack's place.

Dawn: "What is this place?"

Willow: "I'll just be a minute."

~*~*~*~

Dawn: " Do you know how long I've been out here?"

Dawn notices that Willow's eyes are completely black. 

Dawn: (nervous) "Are-are you, are you okay?"

Willow: "Fine. Let's get outta here."

~*~*~*~

Dawn: "What are you doing?!"

Willow's moving her hand in front of the steering wheel of a car. The wheel turns in the direction she moves her hand, making the car veer crazily from side to side. Dawn holds onto the sides of the car and screams. 

Willow: "Woo!" (laughing)

Dawn stares at Willow, terrified. The car zooms down the street and into an alley. Dawn continues screaming.

Willow: (looking back over her shoulder) "Take that, scuz…"

The car goes into an alley, through an arched entrance, and slams into a concrete pillar.

~*~*~*~

Willow: (crying) "Dawnie! Dawnie, I'm so sorry! (Dawn glaring at her) I'm so sorry, it was an accident! I didn't see, I'm so, so sorry."

Dawn glares angrily at Willow. Then Dawn slaps her across the face.

~*~*~*~

Buffy turns to look at Willow, walks slowly over to her with a stern expression.

Buffy: (harshly) "Get up."

Willow: (crying) "I screwed it up, everything, Tara…"

Buffy: (grabs Willow's arm, pulls her to her feet) "Yeah, you know what, you did screw up, okay? You could have killed her! You almost did!"

 Willow: (shakes head) "I need help. Please! (sobbing) Please help me, please."

~*~*~*~

Willow began to sob into her pillow.

~*~*~*~

Buffy: "I just don't understand. I don't understand why you'd go to see somebody like Rack, and I certainly don't understand why you'd drag Dawn into it."

Willow: "I don't know. The magic, I…I thought I had it under control, and then…I didn't."

Buffy: "Because of Tara?"

Willow: "No. It started before she left. (pauses) It's why she left."

Buffy: (pauses) "Seemed like things were going so well."

Willow: "But if you could be…you know, plain old Willow or super Willow, who would you be? (looks at Buffy) I guess you don't actually have an option on the whole super thing."

Buffy: "Will, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need magic to be special."

Willow: "Don't I? I mean, Buffy, who was I? Just ... some girl. Tara didn't even know that girl."

Buffy: "You are more than some girl. (walks into the room) And Tara wants you to stop. She loves you."

Willow: "I just…it took me away from myself, I was…free. It won't happen again, I promise. No more spells. I'm finished."

Buffy: (frowns) "Good. I think it's right. To give it up. (pensive) No matter how good it feels."

Willow: "It's not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love. It's over."

~*~*~*~

Willow lies in bed panting and sweaty, staring at the ceiling, one hand clutching her stomach, the other clenched into a fist on the pillow.

~*~*~*~

Present Willow started perspiring too.

~*~*~*~

Buffy: "How are you doing?"

Willow: "I'm okay. Not 'ready to head back to classes, face the world' okay, but…the shakiness is only semi now."

Dawn enters, her arm in a sling.

Willow: "Hey Dawnie, uh, I'm making you a nice omelette."

Dawn: "Not hungry." (drinks juice)

Buffy: "Dawn, you need to eat something."

Dawn: "Thanks for your concern."

Dawn slams her glass down and leaves.

Willow: "Okay, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but…why is she taking it out on you?"

Buffy: "Because I let it happen."

Willow: "Buffy, I was the one who…"

Buffy: "Who was drowning. My best friend. And I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice."

~*~*~*~

Willow whimpered.

~*~*~*~

Willow's computer is set up at the end of the table, and she sits in front of it, drinking from a bottle of water. She puts the water down, picks up a book and looks under it, looks under another pile of books. Looks across and sees the book she wants -- at the other end of the table. Willow holds out her hand. The book moves a little. She stops, pulls her hand back. Suddenly the door opens.

Xander: "Willow."

Willow: "Xander!"

Xander enters from the front door and walks into the dining room. Willow looks guilty.

Xander: "Willow, we need to talk."

Willow: (nervous) "It was nothing, I ... I-I didn't slip."

Xander: "Will, nobody's mad. Relapse is a part of recovery, we understand that. We just have to figure a way to fix it."

Willow: (confused) "Fix what?"

Xander: "Will, you know what I'm talki - (sees her expression) You don't know. Buffy's all invisible.'"

Willow: (upset) "And you think I had something to do with this?"

Xander: "Uh, no…not…(sighs) Well, come on, Will. Some of the spells you've done have caused some weird stuff to happen to each of us at one time or another. And let's not forget the recent forgetting."

Willow: "Oh. I see, so now when anything nasty happens, I get conveniently blamed for it?"

~*~*~*~

Willow sits at a computer terminal drinking from a water bottle. She puts the bottle down and begins typing. The computer screen shows a web site labeled "Department of Motor Vehicles." A dialog box pops up saying "Warning, encrypted information!" with a status bar and a blinking "Searching." It fills up slowly. Willow fidgets, waiting. The status bar moves along. Willow taps her fingers on the desk. She looks around, lifts one hand to touch the screen. The search is almost finished. Willow suddenly pulls her hand back.

~*~*~*~

Buffy: "Pretty neat, you finding the van. (they begin walking down the street) So ... how did you manage to…do it exactly? I mean, to locate it?"

Willow: "The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, (grimaces, whines) my-feet-are-killing-me way."

Willow sighs, makes a pained face, sits down on the edge of a  curb. Buffy sits beside her.

Willow: "I don't know how I got through this day."

Buffy: " Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a…good first step."

Willow: "So I guess we both made good first steps."

Buffy: "I guess."

Willow: "Yay for us."

~*~*~*~

Willow faintly smiled.

~*~*~*~

Anya: "Well, time is running very short. After Willow gave us the 'whoosh' engagement party, I got slack on the planning 'cause I figured she'd help, but, well, now that's all been blown to hell."

Willow: "Hey, standing right here! Standing right exactly here."

Anya: "Sorry. Didn't mean to tempt you."

~*~*~*~

Amy: "Hey. So I hear you got this whole cold-turkey thing goin' on. (Willow nods) How's that going?"

Willow: "It's good. It's really good. I mean, i-it was hard at first…frustrating…doing everything the slow way. It was like, 'is everything gonna take forever, forever? But, uh, it's better now. I'm…getting my focus back."

Amy: "So this is it, huh? This is…gonna be your life from now on?"

Willow: "What? (uncertainly) No."

Amy: "Well, you're never gonna do it again. Ever. (gets up) You're never gonna…feel how it made you feel. (pauses) Hey Will? It's your birthday."

Willow: "Um, no it isn't."

Amy: "Potestas."

Blue light shoots from Amy to Willow. Willow gets up quickly. Her eyes are all-black with magic, and little streams of blue magic crackle around her hands.

Willow: "What?" (looking at her hands)

Amy just watches. Willow stares at her hands, turns and touches a vase on the bedside table. The vase peels away in sections like a flower. She touches a lamp on the table and it sparkles and then disappears.

Amy: "It's a gift. It's magic…and it didn't come from you. It came from me. Completely legal. (pause) Enjoy."

~*~*~*~

Willow: "Buffy…something happened today…i-it wasn't my fault. It was Amy's fault, but I feel so bad about it. It was Amy's power, but, but it felt like I was doing everything myself. And I couldn't stop. And now it's gone and I feel kinda shaky and…like I, I need it…"

~*~*~*~

Willow: "I can't spend time with you anymore."

Amy: "What?"

Willow: "You can't come in here again."

Amy: "What's up, y-you didn't like your birthday present?"

Willow: "That's right."

Amy: "You're telling me that you didn't have a genuine blast? Come on, that was a sweet spell. That was like a trip to Disneyland without the lines."

Willow: "You don't get it. What you did to me was wrong. Do you have any idea how much harder that makes, just, everything?"

Amy: "You know what I notice? You're not denying that you had fun."

Willow: "Shut up."

Amy: "Oh, yeah. Sharp argument you got there. Were you on the debate team? I forget. I forgot a lot while you were failing to make me be not a rat."

Willow: "Amy. If you really are my friend ... you better stay away from me. And if you really aren't...you better stay away from me."

~*~*~*~

An angry scowl appeared on Willow's facial features.

~*~*~*~

Buffy: "Willow's fine, uh, she, she's been doing really well. You'd be proud of her."

Tara: "Good, that's…that's good."

~*~*~*~

Willow: "Tara. What are you doing here? Uh, it's okay for you to be here if you have things tha…you have to be here for. I'm, I'm doing better. No spells for thirty-two days. (Tara smiles) I can even go to the magic shop now. As long as someone's with me at all times. But, uh, but it's better now, it really is. "

Tara: "I'm…I'm glad you're doing better."

They look at each other. Tara gives a little smile, turns and walks away. Willow stands there looking sad.

~*~*~*~

Tara: "Breakfast. Didn't really plan for a sleep-over."

Willow: "I know, me either. It's weird, I…I have class, and I know I should go, but…"(sits)

Tara: "I know, i-it's like, I wanna leave, but I don't want to."

Willow: (smiles) "Exactly."

Tara smiles back.

~*~*~*~

Buffy: "I think magic's gonna be our best bet. (Willow looks alarmed) Something general. Cast a wide net." (Tara nods)

Xander: "But…Willow." (gesturing toward Willow with his head)

Tara: "No, I'll do it. (Willow fidgeting nervously) It's just, o-obviously I didn't bring any supplies." (Willow looks guilty)

Buffy: "Well, we don't have any in the house. We got rid of everything."

Willow: "Actually…not everything. (guilty) I, uh…might have…kept one or, or two things."

Tara and Buffy look shocked.

Willow: "…just in case."

Xander: "That's great!…in a very bad way." (shaking finger at Willow)

Tara sighs, stands up.

Tara: (to Willow) "Just…bring me what you have. (firmly) But I'm doing this alone. You need to stay away from it."

~*~*~*~

Willow frowned, disappointed at herself.

~*~*~*~

Anya: "Well…that's not completely true, is it? (Tara frowning) I mean, not everything. (looks at Willow) (Willow looking nervous) We're sitting here with an incredibly powerful witch…much more powerful than you, Tara, I'm sorry…only no one seems willing to say it."

Willow: "I can't."

Anya: "No, see, that's not exactly true either. (angrily) Not can't, won't."

Willow: "You don't know how much I hate this. I don't know if there's even…anything I could do."

Willow: "It's dangerous."

Anya: "And so is all of us dying!"

Xander: "Will…look, I don't wanna gang up on you…but Anya kinda has a point. (Willow looking anxious) We brought you back from it once. We're all here, it's just one little spell, whatever happens, we can bring you back again."

Willow: (firmly) "No. I can't. (to Anya) If I start, I…I might not be able to stop."

Anya: "And whose fault is that? (stands up, walks toward Willow) You know, if you hadn't gotten so much of this in your system in the first place…"

Tara: "Hey! You're gonna back off!"

Tara gets in between Willow and Anya, faces Anya down.

Tara: "She said no, and that's it. You're not gonna make her do something that she doesn't want to. And if you try…(folds arms across her chest) You're gonna have to go through me first. Understood?"

~*~*~*~

Willow: "Thanks…for before. And, and for taking this stuff with you."

Tara: (nodding) "No problem."

Willow: "Just so you know, I-I was never…gonna use it. I mean, not really, I…I just kept it like a safety net. 'Cause…there was always this…thing in the back of my head. This, you know, voice, saying, like, 'what if things get bad, I mean really bad? And what if you can't handle it?' A-and it made me panic, so…that's why I kept a couple of things. I…kept them so I-I didn't have to think about it, so I could focus on…on getting better."

Tara: "I get it. I-I really do. But it's time to work without the net, Will. (Willow looking anxious) You know, I don't know if you noticed, but it actually did get bad in there. Really bad, and…and you still said no."

Tara smiles, goes back to her task. Willow slowly begins to smile too.

~*~*~*~

Dawn: (giggles) "You're awfully chipper tonight."

Willow: (smiling) "Can't hide it."

Dawn: "Hmm. Big wedding coming up…lots of date possibilities…you and Tara are speaking again. You wanna call her? Invite her over?"

Willow: "Oh, no. Too soon for so bold a maneuver. (smiles) But if I did call? She wouldn't hang up on me."

Dawn: "That's progress!"

Willow: (smiling) "Hence the happy."

~*~*~*~

Willow beamed.

~*~*~*~

Sam: "Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell?"

Willow: (quietly) "I can't do the magicks."

Sam: "Oh, Riley says you're comin' on as one major-league Wicca."

Willow: "I got addicted. The way addicts do."

~*~*~*~

Sam: "Hey Willow. I'm sorry, I think I really…stepped in it in there. (Willow not looking at her) You know, back in the jungle…we had not one, but two hardcore shamans working for us…they were working the dark magicks, and…got addicted. And now they're gone. (Willow turns to look at her) Gone…as in…there's nothing left. I've never met anyone with enough strength to quit before."

Willow continues looking at her, says nothing. Sam turns and leaves. Willow watches her go, smiles a little.

~*~*~*~

Tara tries to make her way through the crowd & shrieks when some of the fighters bump into her. Willow appears, grabs Tara's hands and pulls her to a safer spot.

Tara: "Thanks."

Willow: "You okay?"

Tara: "Yeah."

They gaze at each other.

~*~*~*~

" Willow! Time for school!" Her mother's voice broke Willow out of her dreamy trance.

" Whoa…" Willow stated as she sat upright in her bed. Her mind processed the visions she was supplied with all night. Willow's eye then caught sight of her bookshelf. She glanced at her magic books. She suddenly felt an urge to sweep them all into her trash can.

" Honey…Oz is waiting for you!" Her mother's voice rang out again. Willow suddenly turned towards the door.

" Oz…" She whispered. Images of Tara unexpectedly flashed through her mind.

" Tara." Willow then whispered…this time smiling. Although she knew she loved Oz, she knew she loved him in the present. But in the future she would love Tara. She would love Tara as much as Oz…perhaps more. Smiling…she couldn't help but hope that Tara and her would hook up in future again.