The Ho Ho Ho Syndrome
Part Three: Home for the Holidays
X trudged up to Zed's office muttering about how stupid it was for the head of the MIB to call him ALL THE WAY upstairs just for a stupid debriefing. He hardly ever wasted time back home with such things. Then again, his old chief hadn't exactly been thrilled about that.
"Ah, Agent X," Zed looked up as the green sulking agent came through the door, "so nice of you to join us. Care to explain why it took you a good five minutes longer than necessary to get here?"
"Just laying waste to a tone-deaf rookie," he answered taking a seat next to Zeeltor who had been waiting patiently and drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair.
Zed didn't even want to know…
"Now could one of you two gentlemen tell me exactly what happened out there? Because with the holidays such a short time away you can understand why I'm a little distraught at having an extraterrestrial Santa impersonator with a rap sheet a MILE LONG roaming the streets of one of the most heavily populated cities on the GLOBE!"
"It wasn't my fault!" X burst out, "First you stick me with that sorry excuse for a partner Elle and then you allow HER to take the day off to raid the stores while sticking me with the resident mad scientist who also enjoys screwing up machines and singing CAROLS!"
Cocking an eyebrow Zed studied the panting alien in front of him silently. "Agent X, when's the last time you took a personal day?"
X paused, this was unexpected. Come to think of it, he'd never taken time off of work. Well…there was the one week he spent waiting in the SUV because Elle'd given him the disgusting human flu. She'd been furious that he wouldn't follow Zeeltor's instructions of bed rest and had insisted on 'doing his job and making sure the HUMAN didn't mess up'.
"I--I don't think I have." he replied.
"Then why don't you take one now? For the holidays," Zed suggested, "It might help with the tension. Go visit your home son, can't let this job eat you alive you know?"
X couldn't believe his big pointy ears, this HUMAN was actually doing him a favor? Allowing him to escape his insane coworkers during one of the busiest times of the year? "Uh…thanks. I will."
Zeeltor nodded and added cheerily, "Now isn't that just the ticket? You'll be able to lessen that hypertension of yours and engage in all JeeDangian festive activities with your home world relatives and friends."
"Yeah," Agent X agreed, 'and I'll be light-years away from that annoying pest Elle and all her annoying friends.'
******
Later that night there was a good three inches of snow on the ground with more on the way. Elle watched the snow fall lightly outside her small side window. Sighing she recalled the wonder it had held in her heart as a little girl watching snowflakes swirl through the air like falling stars and land on the soft blanket of white below.
Then a loud thud in the next room caught her attention. Storming towards her door she growled, "X!"
The JeeDangian ignored the bothersome human as he tried once more to slam the lid shut on the tightly packed suitcase. He was getting out of here for a nice long vacation, that was all that mattered now.
Elle considered banging on her pig-headed partner's door but noticed it was unlocked so she stomped right in. "X!" she placed her hands firmly on her hips, "Isn't it enough that you bother me during work hours? Why do you have to come HERE where I live to annoy me too?!"
"What are you yelling about this time human?" X grunted finally mashing the lid shut.
"Don't pretend you don't know!" Elle scoffed, "How on earth am I supposed to enjoy a moment's peace with you in here banging around and-" she caught sight of what X was kneeling over, "-what's that for?"
"I should think that with even your beady eyes you should be able to tell I'm packing." X smirked and slung the suitcase up on his bed.
"Packing?" she repeated, "What for? Did Zed finally fire you for being such a pain in the…"
"VERY FUNNY!" he turned and glared down at her, "For your information I'm going home to the JeeDang Galaxy for the holidays. By this time tomorrow I'll be thousands of miles AWAY FROM YOU AND THIS WHOLE STUPID ORGANIZATION!"
Elle seemed taken aback. Good. Maybe she'd get mad and run out.
To X's surprise her features softened and her hands fell to her sides, "So you won't be around for Christmas at all?"
This was a shocker, "Uh…no. I guess not."
"Oh," she looked down at the carpet in his bedroom, "well, have a good trip then. I'll see you after New Years."
"Yeah," X fidgeted around for a moment and scratched the backs of his ears, "um…maybe now you'll be able to get the rest of your traditions and stuff over with without me complaining? Although I still think they're ridiculous and trivial."
She smiled in spite of herself, 'Now what'll I do with his gift? The one that took me four hours to find.' "It won't be the same without someone griping about them and telling me what I'm doing WRONG 37-7 but you're right, it will be quieter."
This was so odd, why did he suddenly feel so guilty about leaving? This had been what he wanted, right? To leave Elle and all his ludicrous colleagues behind him and visit his home?
"What about R and Y?"
X snapped out of his sudden guilt trip and back to the present conversation, "Those two nutcases are staying here, go figure. And don't even ASK about Chase. If there's one alien more gaga over a human than my illogical cousin it's him!"
Elle laughed recalling Di's resent threats to issue a restraining order on her young JeeDang partner. She was glad X didn't follow her around with Goo Goo eyes like that, regardless of how comical it would probably be to the other agents.
"Well, at least we'll have some green elves hanging around for the holidays after all." Elle blew a few strands out of her face before turning to leave. She took a few steps towards the door and glanced over her shoulder, "Since I won't get to wish ya one later, Merry Christmas Cowboy-"
X shifted his weight to the other leg, smirking a bit, "Merry Christmas Little Ears."
"-and A Happy New Year." she finished pretended to be insulted and closing the door behind herself. Boy was she gonna miss hearing that…not that she'd ever let X know. No reason to boost his ego any higher than it already was.
******
"Joy to the world---" a loud noise bellowed from down the hall in the kitchenette where Elle was stopping off for breakfast, "---the cookies didn't burn!!!"
"Cookies again?" Elle chuckled as she sat down between S and Lucy at the small table. "Hasn't Lee had enough sweets this season?"
"We're trying to figure out how to use these darn cookie cutters." D.A. groaned. "These were SUPPOSED to be snowmen."
Elle bent over and stared at the tray of cookies, "Hm…they look more like mini-Grinches to me."
"Hey, they kinda do." Lee sniggered as a certain pointy eared alien entered the kitchenette to kill some time before his transport was ready to depart.
Elle gave a half smile as X plopped down at the opposite end of the table and buried his face in a newspaper. "Great…" he grumbled to himself, "it's STILL snowing and it's gonna snow all day."
"Told ya," Yazmine said perkily as she entered the room to refill her coffee mug, "gonna get three feet out of this storm before it's over."
Lucy shoved another slice of toast in her mouth and went back to work on the stack of forms before her.
"I just can't believe that someone who hasn't been out on a field assignment recently has got such a large mess of forms to fill out dear." S exclaimed baffled.
"Oh…um…these are---for a friend." Lucy answered.
"She's filling out forms for Agent Jay." D.A. answered from across the kitchenette.
S looked over, "Why?"
"Cuz he promised to buy her lunch if she did." D.A. shrugged and caught sight of Lucy's bewildered look, "Hey, I pick up on things easily."
"I hope that boy does more than just buy you lunch for doing a truckload of work like that hon." S turned to Lucy.
"He does…" Lucy answered, "especially when Val gets on his case. He'll make runs to the vending machine for me, burn me the latest intergalactic hits, and record basically any show that I want."
"That's a start." S smiled.
"So when does your transport leave?" Elle casually inquired.
"Can't wait to get rid of me huh Little Ears?" X said without taking his face out of the editorials.
All agents froze with expressions of confusion. "You're not sticking around for the holidays sweetie?" S finally spoke.
"Nope, takin' a personal day." he replied.
Delia, who'd been just a few steps away from the kitchenette threw her folders in air and let out an ecstatic, "WA-HOO! THANK YOU SANTA!!!"
Yazmine shook her head and patted X's shoulder on the way out, "We'll all miss you not being here to celebrate with us. Have fun on your vacation."
"Thanks." Yazmine was one of the few coworkers that X could actually tolerate. Even if she was a close friend of Elle and technically, part of the troublesome human's family.
"So what made you decide to split on us?" Lee asked popping another batch of cookies in the oven and HOPING they would come out looking like angels.
"This whole Christmas holiday of yours. It's ridiculous to me. You prance around acting even more abnormal than usual, spend everything in your savings, and then mutilate a perfectly good fir tree with glass balls and strings made of junk food!"
"You're a fowl one, Mr. Grinch." Lee huffed and turned on her heel, "You're heart's an empty HOOOLE!!"
X threw down his paper and covered his ears, "And those CAROLS! They have to be the worst things of all!"
Lee wasn't giving up, "Wreck the malls this Christmas season, falalalalalalalala!"
The others were starting to snicker now. The feud of the carols raged on…
"I say humbug on the whole thing!" X continued.
"O come all ye grateful deadheads to the concert!" Lee couldn't help but laugh at her own twisted carol.
X had no idea what was so funny but took it as an insult anyway. "You and your stupid carols! Alright, if I'M the Grinch, you must be that annoying little Cindy whats-her-name, Agent Lee!"
"That's enough now you two." S warned, things were getting out of hand again.
Instead of arguing Lee turned back to the counter with the cookie dough and set to work.
Delia finished picking up the paperwork and darted into the kitchenette. "So it's true right? You're going for the holidays? Is that my Christmas present from you?! OH THANK YOU!"
Elle laughed and put a hand over her face, "And on to the next match."
"Not quite!" Lee announced, D.A. peeked over her shoulder and laughed hysterically. "Say hello to Agent Grinch!" Lee held up a pan with a cookie in the shape of X, with plenty of Grinchy features. "And best of all, Cindy Lee Who!" in the corner of the pan was a smaller cookie which made Lee appear as Cindy Lou.
"A masterpiece." Lucy chuckled.
"See," X folded his arms, "you're all even crazier!"
******
The time finally arrived for X's transport to leave. X couldn't have been happier after having spent a good portion of the morning listening to Lee's carols and Delia's cries of joy. He had been a little surprised when they all followed him out to say goodbye. Yep, they'd all been into that eggnog stuff again.
He shouldn't have turned before boarding the ship, he knew better, but---"Alright humans you can stop tailing me now. I'm really leaving, see?"
"That's not why we came dear," S smiled warmly, "we just wanted to see you off. You're one of the MIB family after all, have a safe trip and remember to write!"
Lee was having a ball with the little X Grinch cookie she'd made. Holding up the cookie she spoke in a deep growl, "I'm Mr. Grinch! I hate everything and everybody I work with especially during the holiday season…"
X rolled his eyes but paused when Lee whispered something to Delia and gave him a sly smile. "Don't even think about it…"
With a quick exchange of mischievous grins Delia and Lee broke off an ear and chomped down hard.
"HUMANS!" X grumbled and headed for the ship.
Behind him he could hear Lee laughing with her mouth full of his crumbly image, "X-cookie, I'm bigger than you, higher in the food chain! Get in my belly!"
Maybe he could get away without another serenade from her?
"Jingle bells, fruitcake smells…granny drinks eggnog. Turkey gizzard and a wintry blizzard…leaves ya sick by the Yule log!"
'…too late.' Where was a snowball when he REALLY needed one?!
"AGENT X!!!!" four shrill voices called before the door to the transport could close.
"WHAT?!" X demanded, spinning around angrily.
"YEAH?!?" Delia added stamping her foot.
"You forgot your suitcase in the kitchenette!" one of the Worms spat out.
X paused and muttered a string of profanity in his own language. HOW MUCH WORSE WAS THIS DAY GONNA GET?!
After several threatening minutes of persuasion he managed to get the pilot to hold the transport for a few more minutes while he rushed back to get his things.
******
X dashed into the kitchenette and snatched up his suitcase then headed straight for the door. "CRUD!" was among the nicer things he hollered when the darn lid fell open dumping his things out on the floor.
He hurriedly picked up the items failing to notice that his Neuralyzer had rolled out into the hall. It came to a rest at the feet of the Worms who were hurrying back to their coffee machine lest X should become enraged and take out his anger on their beloved supplier of freshly brewed java.
"Hey what's this?" one said picking up the shiny pen to examine it.
"Looks like one of those Neuralyzer things that erases memory." another guessed.
Agent X's muffled cursing came from just beyond the doorway. "Uh-oh." another gulped pushing the first in ahead.
"Um…Agent X." the Worm stuttered.
"WHAT?" X shouted slamming the lid on the suitcase shut.
"You dropped this." the fourth Worm pointed over the shoulder of the first.
"Be careful with that thing!" X exclaimed reaching for the Neuralyzer, "It could go off and-"
FLASH!
The Worms dove out of the room as X was screaming to avoid being pounded but when they finally got the nerve to peek back in they were surprised to see a very calm and confused looking JeeDangian.
"Uh…Agent X?" a Worm spoke hesitantly.
X didn't move, the clasp to his suitcase gave way again and sent the contents sprawling back out onto the floor.
******
Back at the lab Zeeltor was humming some cheery little Christmas tune while Yazmine finished sterilizing the equipment.
"Did you know Agent X was going away for the holidays?" she asked casually while drying a few test tubes.
"Yes indeedy," he said between choruses, "but I did manage to slip his Christmas present in his luggage before he left."
"How thoughtful," Yazmine beamed, "may I ask what it was?"
"Oh just an improvement on the agency's Neuralyzer." Zeeltor chuckled merrily, "I thought his trip to the JeeDang Galaxy might give him a chance to try out the device on some alien troublemakers from his home world. You see, the improvements I've made allow the Neuralyzer to not only erase the memories of humans, but to alter the minds of certain alien species as well!"
"Brilliant Doctor," Yazmine laughed, "but he's on vacation remember? Spending time with his family. I doubt he'll have time to hunt down a single disruptive JeeDangian to use it on…"
________________________________________________________________________
*Mwuhahaha! I know this was a pretty long chapter but hey, I had fun with it! :-D The next installment shouldn't be too far away so please review and lemme know what'cha think of my Yuletide mayhem. (Yes, I'm aware that Christmas is over. But I can't leave a fic unfinished…for TOO long!)*