:Disclaimer: Sue me to hell, 'natch.
:Notes: Okay, that was freaky. Right after I uploaded chapter seven, I went to go watch the Discovery Channel (amazing-ass channel, yupyup) and it was the Crocodile Hunter. I swear, it scared me out of my socks. I intend less S/J and more psychotic Australian phobias but who knows. S/J seems addictive...
----
Jack stared into the phone and replied.
"I hardly think there's such a thing as Irwinophobia, Danny."
"Who says?"
"You're the linguist."
"Shuddap."
----
Even Hammond looked bored. The team was in the briefing room, finding out where their next mission would be.
"Anyway, we don't think there's any life there, but that doesn't mean a beer bash... or anything else." the general finished, looking discreetly from Jack to Sam. Jack looked away, Sam blushed.
----
Jack bounced out of the Stargate, looked around, moaned, sticking his head in his hands, and groaned.
"TREES?! MORE TREES?! WHAT THE HELL'S WITH ALL THE TREES?! JESUS! THERE MUST BE SO MANY F#CKING TRESS IN THIS UNIVERSE. WHY CAN'T WE FIND ONE PLANET. JUST ONE. WITHOUT A FRIGGING TREE?!"
Sam stepped up. "Sir?"
"WHAT?!"
"Calm down."
O'Neill smoothed his hair and let out a long breath. "Okay... calmed..." he glared at the trees. "But one more world with trees and I'm requesting 3 years' leave."
Daniel glared. "And I'm requesting COFFEE." Jack stuck his tongue out.
"Okay, kids, where to now?"
"The Goa'uld found it logical that the Stargates were to be stationed by a large city. Like a place of commerce. Perhaps we should search it out."
"Sounds like a plan. We're off!" Jack bounded up in front, with the other three trailing behind.
----
A couple miles north, they found small settlement. Not much, but seeing as how there weren't any visible weapons, there hopefully weren't any Goa'uld around.
"Hellooo?" Jack called out. "Anybody hoome?"
A hut rustled, and out came a humanoid creature. Pronounced jawbones, elongated ears, a smug nose. The eyes were positioned on the side of it's head, tall, upright opals of black with small tiny dots of light green or blue for pupils. It was tall, around seven or seven and a half feet, lanky, and wore a tunic and pants that looked like hey were made out of potato sacks. Daniel stepped up. "We are peaceful explorers from the planet Earth."
The alien cocked its head to the side and said something from the slit it had for a mouth. Daniel paused for a minute before replying, sounding like he was speaking in gibberish.
"Daniel?"
"It's Mayan... I think it's got some Lat--"
"That's great, but what's he SAYING?"
"Oh. Um. Around the lines of 'who are you'..."
The alien spoke again. Daniel replied. They had a short conversation before he turned back to Jack.
"They want to know if we have good intentions."
"Well, tell them yes!" Jack started to get annoyed.
"I did. He said we have to undergo some sort of.. religious ritual..." Daniel sounded uneasy.
"And...?"
"It's... um... they... have access to our minds."
"Shit."
"And that's not all.."
"There's more?!"
"They do it with the four of us. We all access each other's minds."
"Double shit."
"Yeah."
The alien spoke. Daniel nodded. "He wants to know."
Jack looked to the other three, who nodded. "Tell him we'll do it, Daniel."
Daniel nodded to the alien and said something. The alien's eyes flickered, and he motioned them to follow. SG-1 did so.
----
The four were in a hut. Nothing strange, the alien had just said that that was where the ritual was to take place and it commenced.
"We call on our spirits, the ones who have passed..." a voice sounded in their heads.
Jack jumped. "What the --"
Sam's eyes widened. "You guys hear that too?" the others nodded.
Jack's eyes follow suit. "It's like... surround sound..."
"Help us clear their minds and uncover what they intend to bring upon us."
A different voice sounded in their heads. "Weirrrd..." it was Jack.
----MIDNOTE---- Now, I'm writing it script'ive now 'cause it'll be easier. This is all in their heads... But the motions are actual, and they've all got their eyes open.
Sam: Sir?
Jack: Carter?
Daniel: Jack?
Teal'c: You obviously do not need me to verify O'Neill's existence any further.
Jack: Thanks.
Teal'c: You are welcome...
Daniel: This is awkward.
Sam: Tell me about it.
Daniel: Just did.
Sam: Evil.
Daniel: Eviler.
Sam: Evilest.
Daniel: Evilester.
Sam: HA!
Daniel: Damn.
Jack: Sam looks cute today...
Sam (blushes): Sir?
Jack: That was out loud?
Daniel: In a sense.
Jack: Oops...
Teal'c: It appears O'Neill has uncovered his feelings for you, MajorCarter.
Sam: He already has.
Jack: And she me, so don't even note it Teal'c.
Teal'c: Indeed.
Daniel: Take me to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty...
Jack: Daniel, stop singing.
Daniel: Sorry, Jack. It's stuck in my head.
Jack (puts his hand on Sam's leg): Screw regulations.
Sam blushes.
Teal'c: That would be a most unpleasant form of pleasure, I believe.
Jack: I didn't mean literally, Teal'c.
Daniel: Take me hooome, yaaah...
Jack: Danny.
Daniel: Sorry Jack.
Teal'c: What are we doing here. We do not seem to be... discussing things of any relevance.
Sam: We're supposed to be showing good intentions.
Teal'c: Yet, we are not.
Daniel: Oh, won't you please take me hoomeeeeeeeeeee
(Jack kicks Daniel in the leg. Daniel expresses pain. In various, child-friendly forms.)
Daniel: Ow. Ooch. Eech.
Jack: Good thing I missed the other ankle, eh?
Daniel: I've got crutches.
Jack makes motion to hide behind Carter.
Sam (pats his head): There, there.
Jack barks. Sam laughs. Daniel shakes his head.
Teal'c: We have good intentions.
Daniel: Obviously, we wouldn't be able to lie easily in our heads.
Sam (leans on Jack): We just broke another reg.
Daniel yawns.
Teal'c: We do not mean any harm at all.
Jack: Not unless you've got snakes in your heads.
Daniel (muttering): Or if you have a hidden stash of coffee.
(Voice booms) We have finished our examination
Jack: Whoopee!
Teal'c: And we did not feel a thing
Daniel: In the Navy...
Jack: Daniel. Sing one more song and I'll kill y--
Daniel (dancing): Gotta shout it for the Y-M-C-A! (evil grin)
(Jack whacks with his hat)
Sam: Finally!
----
Another of the tall aliens had gathered them out of their examination hut, introducing itself through Daniel as Selka. Apparently, after the 'freaky Vulcan thing', as Jack called it, they would be able to understand the language, but it would take some time.
----
Take another two and a half hours and SG-1's in a long, tall hut, listening intently to what the Rael's elders have to say about an alliance with the Tau'ri.
"I think it would boost morale of the Rael's people if we had an alliance." Yanni announced, standing up from his chair. His voice was as he was sitting in an orb, like the rest of the Rael's voices once the team started understanding their speech.
"But we would gain an enemy!" Taln pointed out form the opposite end of the table.
"We would gain FRIENDS, young Taln." One of the eldest, Eather, nodded.
"Goa'uld?! FRIENDS?!"
"Tau'ri! Humans! The Asgard would be able to help us as well, and we'd have no need to fear the Tok'ra."
"But the Goa'uld would come and--"
Daniel stepped up. "Excuse me?" all gray-green and gray-blue heads turned to him, tiny pupils directed at him. "Taln is right." Jack cursed under his breath. Daniel ALWAYS had to do something like this... "They would come. But they'd come anyway. They'll go to any world with a Stargate, but we can stop that if enough of us band together!"
There was a slight murmur throughout the hall-hut.
Eather looked to her left at Opahl and his right to Waynise, and the three nodded in turn. She stood up, easily seven feet, and walked smoothly over to Jack, extending its hands.
"We welcome our new allies with piece of mind and a good becoming of." she grasped Jack's shoulders. He strained to do the same, but with no avail.
Opahl stood up. "It is the coming of the Reen! Let us feast and sort the relations in the morning!" she said with what couldn't have a doubt as a grin.
----
:AN: I tried my hand at offworlding. Coffee episodes will pick up soon. Maybe I'll make Jack have Hyplophobia or something, too. :P Word didn't think Irwinophobia was a word, but it suggested 'Irwin phobia'. I should look into that... R&R!
:Notes: Okay, that was freaky. Right after I uploaded chapter seven, I went to go watch the Discovery Channel (amazing-ass channel, yupyup) and it was the Crocodile Hunter. I swear, it scared me out of my socks. I intend less S/J and more psychotic Australian phobias but who knows. S/J seems addictive...
----
Jack stared into the phone and replied.
"I hardly think there's such a thing as Irwinophobia, Danny."
"Who says?"
"You're the linguist."
"Shuddap."
----
Even Hammond looked bored. The team was in the briefing room, finding out where their next mission would be.
"Anyway, we don't think there's any life there, but that doesn't mean a beer bash... or anything else." the general finished, looking discreetly from Jack to Sam. Jack looked away, Sam blushed.
----
Jack bounced out of the Stargate, looked around, moaned, sticking his head in his hands, and groaned.
"TREES?! MORE TREES?! WHAT THE HELL'S WITH ALL THE TREES?! JESUS! THERE MUST BE SO MANY F#CKING TRESS IN THIS UNIVERSE. WHY CAN'T WE FIND ONE PLANET. JUST ONE. WITHOUT A FRIGGING TREE?!"
Sam stepped up. "Sir?"
"WHAT?!"
"Calm down."
O'Neill smoothed his hair and let out a long breath. "Okay... calmed..." he glared at the trees. "But one more world with trees and I'm requesting 3 years' leave."
Daniel glared. "And I'm requesting COFFEE." Jack stuck his tongue out.
"Okay, kids, where to now?"
"The Goa'uld found it logical that the Stargates were to be stationed by a large city. Like a place of commerce. Perhaps we should search it out."
"Sounds like a plan. We're off!" Jack bounded up in front, with the other three trailing behind.
----
A couple miles north, they found small settlement. Not much, but seeing as how there weren't any visible weapons, there hopefully weren't any Goa'uld around.
"Hellooo?" Jack called out. "Anybody hoome?"
A hut rustled, and out came a humanoid creature. Pronounced jawbones, elongated ears, a smug nose. The eyes were positioned on the side of it's head, tall, upright opals of black with small tiny dots of light green or blue for pupils. It was tall, around seven or seven and a half feet, lanky, and wore a tunic and pants that looked like hey were made out of potato sacks. Daniel stepped up. "We are peaceful explorers from the planet Earth."
The alien cocked its head to the side and said something from the slit it had for a mouth. Daniel paused for a minute before replying, sounding like he was speaking in gibberish.
"Daniel?"
"It's Mayan... I think it's got some Lat--"
"That's great, but what's he SAYING?"
"Oh. Um. Around the lines of 'who are you'..."
The alien spoke again. Daniel replied. They had a short conversation before he turned back to Jack.
"They want to know if we have good intentions."
"Well, tell them yes!" Jack started to get annoyed.
"I did. He said we have to undergo some sort of.. religious ritual..." Daniel sounded uneasy.
"And...?"
"It's... um... they... have access to our minds."
"Shit."
"And that's not all.."
"There's more?!"
"They do it with the four of us. We all access each other's minds."
"Double shit."
"Yeah."
The alien spoke. Daniel nodded. "He wants to know."
Jack looked to the other three, who nodded. "Tell him we'll do it, Daniel."
Daniel nodded to the alien and said something. The alien's eyes flickered, and he motioned them to follow. SG-1 did so.
----
The four were in a hut. Nothing strange, the alien had just said that that was where the ritual was to take place and it commenced.
"We call on our spirits, the ones who have passed..." a voice sounded in their heads.
Jack jumped. "What the --"
Sam's eyes widened. "You guys hear that too?" the others nodded.
Jack's eyes follow suit. "It's like... surround sound..."
"Help us clear their minds and uncover what they intend to bring upon us."
A different voice sounded in their heads. "Weirrrd..." it was Jack.
----MIDNOTE---- Now, I'm writing it script'ive now 'cause it'll be easier. This is all in their heads... But the motions are actual, and they've all got their eyes open.
Sam: Sir?
Jack: Carter?
Daniel: Jack?
Teal'c: You obviously do not need me to verify O'Neill's existence any further.
Jack: Thanks.
Teal'c: You are welcome...
Daniel: This is awkward.
Sam: Tell me about it.
Daniel: Just did.
Sam: Evil.
Daniel: Eviler.
Sam: Evilest.
Daniel: Evilester.
Sam: HA!
Daniel: Damn.
Jack: Sam looks cute today...
Sam (blushes): Sir?
Jack: That was out loud?
Daniel: In a sense.
Jack: Oops...
Teal'c: It appears O'Neill has uncovered his feelings for you, MajorCarter.
Sam: He already has.
Jack: And she me, so don't even note it Teal'c.
Teal'c: Indeed.
Daniel: Take me to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty...
Jack: Daniel, stop singing.
Daniel: Sorry, Jack. It's stuck in my head.
Jack (puts his hand on Sam's leg): Screw regulations.
Sam blushes.
Teal'c: That would be a most unpleasant form of pleasure, I believe.
Jack: I didn't mean literally, Teal'c.
Daniel: Take me hooome, yaaah...
Jack: Danny.
Daniel: Sorry Jack.
Teal'c: What are we doing here. We do not seem to be... discussing things of any relevance.
Sam: We're supposed to be showing good intentions.
Teal'c: Yet, we are not.
Daniel: Oh, won't you please take me hoomeeeeeeeeeee
(Jack kicks Daniel in the leg. Daniel expresses pain. In various, child-friendly forms.)
Daniel: Ow. Ooch. Eech.
Jack: Good thing I missed the other ankle, eh?
Daniel: I've got crutches.
Jack makes motion to hide behind Carter.
Sam (pats his head): There, there.
Jack barks. Sam laughs. Daniel shakes his head.
Teal'c: We have good intentions.
Daniel: Obviously, we wouldn't be able to lie easily in our heads.
Sam (leans on Jack): We just broke another reg.
Daniel yawns.
Teal'c: We do not mean any harm at all.
Jack: Not unless you've got snakes in your heads.
Daniel (muttering): Or if you have a hidden stash of coffee.
(Voice booms) We have finished our examination
Jack: Whoopee!
Teal'c: And we did not feel a thing
Daniel: In the Navy...
Jack: Daniel. Sing one more song and I'll kill y--
Daniel (dancing): Gotta shout it for the Y-M-C-A! (evil grin)
(Jack whacks with his hat)
Sam: Finally!
----
Another of the tall aliens had gathered them out of their examination hut, introducing itself through Daniel as Selka. Apparently, after the 'freaky Vulcan thing', as Jack called it, they would be able to understand the language, but it would take some time.
----
Take another two and a half hours and SG-1's in a long, tall hut, listening intently to what the Rael's elders have to say about an alliance with the Tau'ri.
"I think it would boost morale of the Rael's people if we had an alliance." Yanni announced, standing up from his chair. His voice was as he was sitting in an orb, like the rest of the Rael's voices once the team started understanding their speech.
"But we would gain an enemy!" Taln pointed out form the opposite end of the table.
"We would gain FRIENDS, young Taln." One of the eldest, Eather, nodded.
"Goa'uld?! FRIENDS?!"
"Tau'ri! Humans! The Asgard would be able to help us as well, and we'd have no need to fear the Tok'ra."
"But the Goa'uld would come and--"
Daniel stepped up. "Excuse me?" all gray-green and gray-blue heads turned to him, tiny pupils directed at him. "Taln is right." Jack cursed under his breath. Daniel ALWAYS had to do something like this... "They would come. But they'd come anyway. They'll go to any world with a Stargate, but we can stop that if enough of us band together!"
There was a slight murmur throughout the hall-hut.
Eather looked to her left at Opahl and his right to Waynise, and the three nodded in turn. She stood up, easily seven feet, and walked smoothly over to Jack, extending its hands.
"We welcome our new allies with piece of mind and a good becoming of." she grasped Jack's shoulders. He strained to do the same, but with no avail.
Opahl stood up. "It is the coming of the Reen! Let us feast and sort the relations in the morning!" she said with what couldn't have a doubt as a grin.
----
:AN: I tried my hand at offworlding. Coffee episodes will pick up soon. Maybe I'll make Jack have Hyplophobia or something, too. :P Word didn't think Irwinophobia was a word, but it suggested 'Irwin phobia'. I should look into that... R&R!