Disclaimer: I still don't own it, and sadly never will.
Chapter 3
Love and Lose?
Shawn stared out the window for, to him at least, a moment that held an eternity. In that moment, in the few stars in the sky he could see, in the storm beginning to brew, memories came flooding back to him. All the agony he had experienced came back. His tears of despair soon became tears of rage.
He saw his personalized coffee mug with a different assortment of pens for his writing, picked it up of his desk and threw it at the window. Through the adrenaline-filled force, the blow shattered both the window and the mug. Eric, who was still standing in the hidden corner of the doorway, soon came running towards Shawn, who had picked up his miniature boom box.
"Shawn!" Eric screamed, "Shawn! What are you doing? Calm down!" Eric quickly ran over to Shawn and raced to grab the CD player out of his hands.
Shawn turned around, after Eric had taken the CD player and set in on the mattress, with a look of bitter fury in his eyes, but when he saw Eric he collapsed and took Eric with him. Laying on the floor Shawn's rage faded back into anguish, and let Eric hold him there in the dark with the sounds of thunder signaling the summer storm had started.
Eric remained next to Shawn, his hand playing with the silky strands of Shawn's hair, whispering, "Shawn it's okay, everything is fine. You're strong, you're gonna be okay." In his heart, Eric knew this could not be true, Cory had been Shawn's only true friend for so long. . . what was he going to do without him? Eric's other arm pulled Shawn into a deep embrace that Shawn had been missing for so long. The kind of closeness he had held with Cory was in that hug.
Shawn broke away and looked at Eric with large, innocent eyes, the eyes of a lost child looking for the help of an amiable stranger, "You think so?"
Eric's heart twisted with pain but what could he do now? He couldn't back out of what he was saying, Shawn never acknowledged he needed help, but here he was asking Eric if everything was going to be okay, "I know so."
Shawn's wide-eyed expression vanished and was replaced by a wicked knowing one instead, "Don't bullshit me Eric," he said, he voice thick with despair and malice, "I know that I will probably never see Cory again, and you know it so don't give me that shit. You usually tell me the truth so tell me."
Eric leaned closer to Shawn staring him right in the eyes, yearning to taste those full lips, but not having the courage. So he stated sorrowfully, "You aren't gonna see Cory again. . . if Topanga has anything to say about it at least."
Shawn scoffed moving away from Eric and leaning his back against the bed, "I know. . . but it's weird. I thought Cory would fight for me more than he did."
"He's been fighting for you all this summer, but you know he can't get a divorce from Topanga. He loves her too much."
"But what about me? I know that sounds a little selfish, but I thought she was finally okay with me and Cory being close. What does she have that I don't?"
"Well knowing Cory isn't in to guys, I'm gonna say she's got-"
"Hey I could get him someone better than Topanga, besides. . ."
"Besides what?"
"Nothing," Shawn said quickly.
"Come on Shawn, tell me."
"No I can't. . . we promised we would never tell. . ." he trailed off.
"Shawn. . ." Eric declared, "if you tell me whatever it is you promised, then I'll tell you something I have just recently found out about myself."
Shawn raised an eyebrow incredulously," Fine. . . but you go first." After all, Shawn thought, if he doesn't say anything good enough I won't tell him about. . .
Eric interrupted Shawn's thoughts, "Shawn," he disclosed, the emotion apparent in his voice, "Shawn. . . I think I'm gay. . . no I know I am."
Shawn half-smiled, Eric who had imagined several different reactions, did not even think of someone smiling when he told them. He had thought about everything from "Eww you mean you like guys?" to Shawn running out of the room screaming "EEK! Get away from me! I might catch it!" He knew the latter was foolish (*so was the first* he thought) but it was very un-Shawn like. *So was 'Eww you mean you like guys?' come to think about it Eric thought.
"Why are you smiling?" Eric queried.
Shawn turned to face Eric again, a look of respect in his eyes, "Eric I knew."
Eric's eyes expanded, "You knew? How?"
"Oh come on. . . I saw the way you looked at Jack. . . even if the others didn't."
Eric's face reddened in embarrassment. He hadn't known his feelings for Jack were so obvious, "Oh."
"Hey. . . it's okay. It doesn't change anything. I don't expect you to hit on me or anything like that. . . everything's cool."
Eric felt stung. He doesn't feel the same way, he mulled over miserably, come on you knew he didn't. He's straight remember? At least he's still your friend, get over it Mathews.
"Really? You're okay with it?" he questioned hiding his aching spirit.
Shawn waved a hand saying not to think anymore about it, "Of coarse I am. It doesn't change who you are. But. . ."
"But what?"
"Are you gonna tell your parents, or Mr. Feeny, or. . . Cory?"
"I don't know if I can. It's gonna be hard to, but it feels like a giant burden has been lifted off my chest having someone know. I guess I will someday, but I dunno when."
"Yeah," Shawn pondered, "Are you gonna tell Cory? Soon?"
"I dunno. I'm not allowed over at their apartment because of the Ice- Queen so I don't know when I'm going to see him anymore. Maybe I'll call him and we can have coffee together."
Shawn's eyes went glassy, "Oh right."
"You can come too," Eric said swiftly noticing Shawn's expression, "I know Cory misses you and wants to see you again."
"I can't. . . if Topanga-"
"Who cares about Ice-Queen? Cory wants to see you and you know that."
Shawn smiled dejectedly, "I know he would," he turned to Eric, "Yeah I'll go."
"Okay good. Hey Shawn?" Eric said suddenly.
"Yeah?"
Eric suddenly knew he had to do it, that he couldn't live without it for another day, and so he did. He put his hand behind Shawn's head and pulled him close until their lips met. A bolt of pleasurable electricity went through Eric. Half of him couldn't believe he was kissing someone whom he had admired for so long, and the other half was surprised. . . Shawn wasn't pulling away. In fact he was progressing, opening his mouth a bit daring Eric to explore. . . which he gladly did.
While Eric was in the middle of discovering the inside of Shawn's mouth, just as suddenly as they had began, they stopped. Shawn jumped up, leaving Eric sitting on the ground with an uncertain expression.
"I'm sorry," Shawn stammered, "I shouldn't have done that."
"You shouldn't? What" Eric asked.
"I shouldn't have. . . let you. . . um. . .never-mind. I just need to. . .go for a walk. I'm sorry."
Shawn started walking toward the door, grabbing his notorious leather jacket, "Wait. . .Shawn! It's late! You can't go out by yourself!"
Shawn turned around, "I just need. . . to go to. . .do something. I. . . have to go to the grocery store," he lied.
"What? Wait."
"What?"
"What was your secret anyway."
Shawn stared horrified. No I can't tell you, he thought, not after this. You can't know what we did. I can't tell anyone. . . ever.
"It's nothing," he lied again, "Listen Eric I'm sorry but, I can't do this with you. I'm sorry." I want to but I can't, he thought, please understand. With that thought he was out the door.
I'm sorry too, Eric attempted telepathy after Shawn had left, I'm so sorry. I just ruined our friendship with that stunt, but. . . I love every minute I'm with you Shawn. . . I can't lose you.
A/N: Okay a little bit of slash, but the "event" I was talking about in an earlier chapter isn't up yet. I hope you like it so far. But what is Shawn's secret eh? What they do? Review for me please! I'll try to get more up soon, if people tell me too!
Chapter 3
Love and Lose?
Shawn stared out the window for, to him at least, a moment that held an eternity. In that moment, in the few stars in the sky he could see, in the storm beginning to brew, memories came flooding back to him. All the agony he had experienced came back. His tears of despair soon became tears of rage.
He saw his personalized coffee mug with a different assortment of pens for his writing, picked it up of his desk and threw it at the window. Through the adrenaline-filled force, the blow shattered both the window and the mug. Eric, who was still standing in the hidden corner of the doorway, soon came running towards Shawn, who had picked up his miniature boom box.
"Shawn!" Eric screamed, "Shawn! What are you doing? Calm down!" Eric quickly ran over to Shawn and raced to grab the CD player out of his hands.
Shawn turned around, after Eric had taken the CD player and set in on the mattress, with a look of bitter fury in his eyes, but when he saw Eric he collapsed and took Eric with him. Laying on the floor Shawn's rage faded back into anguish, and let Eric hold him there in the dark with the sounds of thunder signaling the summer storm had started.
Eric remained next to Shawn, his hand playing with the silky strands of Shawn's hair, whispering, "Shawn it's okay, everything is fine. You're strong, you're gonna be okay." In his heart, Eric knew this could not be true, Cory had been Shawn's only true friend for so long. . . what was he going to do without him? Eric's other arm pulled Shawn into a deep embrace that Shawn had been missing for so long. The kind of closeness he had held with Cory was in that hug.
Shawn broke away and looked at Eric with large, innocent eyes, the eyes of a lost child looking for the help of an amiable stranger, "You think so?"
Eric's heart twisted with pain but what could he do now? He couldn't back out of what he was saying, Shawn never acknowledged he needed help, but here he was asking Eric if everything was going to be okay, "I know so."
Shawn's wide-eyed expression vanished and was replaced by a wicked knowing one instead, "Don't bullshit me Eric," he said, he voice thick with despair and malice, "I know that I will probably never see Cory again, and you know it so don't give me that shit. You usually tell me the truth so tell me."
Eric leaned closer to Shawn staring him right in the eyes, yearning to taste those full lips, but not having the courage. So he stated sorrowfully, "You aren't gonna see Cory again. . . if Topanga has anything to say about it at least."
Shawn scoffed moving away from Eric and leaning his back against the bed, "I know. . . but it's weird. I thought Cory would fight for me more than he did."
"He's been fighting for you all this summer, but you know he can't get a divorce from Topanga. He loves her too much."
"But what about me? I know that sounds a little selfish, but I thought she was finally okay with me and Cory being close. What does she have that I don't?"
"Well knowing Cory isn't in to guys, I'm gonna say she's got-"
"Hey I could get him someone better than Topanga, besides. . ."
"Besides what?"
"Nothing," Shawn said quickly.
"Come on Shawn, tell me."
"No I can't. . . we promised we would never tell. . ." he trailed off.
"Shawn. . ." Eric declared, "if you tell me whatever it is you promised, then I'll tell you something I have just recently found out about myself."
Shawn raised an eyebrow incredulously," Fine. . . but you go first." After all, Shawn thought, if he doesn't say anything good enough I won't tell him about. . .
Eric interrupted Shawn's thoughts, "Shawn," he disclosed, the emotion apparent in his voice, "Shawn. . . I think I'm gay. . . no I know I am."
Shawn half-smiled, Eric who had imagined several different reactions, did not even think of someone smiling when he told them. He had thought about everything from "Eww you mean you like guys?" to Shawn running out of the room screaming "EEK! Get away from me! I might catch it!" He knew the latter was foolish (*so was the first* he thought) but it was very un-Shawn like. *So was 'Eww you mean you like guys?' come to think about it Eric thought.
"Why are you smiling?" Eric queried.
Shawn turned to face Eric again, a look of respect in his eyes, "Eric I knew."
Eric's eyes expanded, "You knew? How?"
"Oh come on. . . I saw the way you looked at Jack. . . even if the others didn't."
Eric's face reddened in embarrassment. He hadn't known his feelings for Jack were so obvious, "Oh."
"Hey. . . it's okay. It doesn't change anything. I don't expect you to hit on me or anything like that. . . everything's cool."
Eric felt stung. He doesn't feel the same way, he mulled over miserably, come on you knew he didn't. He's straight remember? At least he's still your friend, get over it Mathews.
"Really? You're okay with it?" he questioned hiding his aching spirit.
Shawn waved a hand saying not to think anymore about it, "Of coarse I am. It doesn't change who you are. But. . ."
"But what?"
"Are you gonna tell your parents, or Mr. Feeny, or. . . Cory?"
"I don't know if I can. It's gonna be hard to, but it feels like a giant burden has been lifted off my chest having someone know. I guess I will someday, but I dunno when."
"Yeah," Shawn pondered, "Are you gonna tell Cory? Soon?"
"I dunno. I'm not allowed over at their apartment because of the Ice- Queen so I don't know when I'm going to see him anymore. Maybe I'll call him and we can have coffee together."
Shawn's eyes went glassy, "Oh right."
"You can come too," Eric said swiftly noticing Shawn's expression, "I know Cory misses you and wants to see you again."
"I can't. . . if Topanga-"
"Who cares about Ice-Queen? Cory wants to see you and you know that."
Shawn smiled dejectedly, "I know he would," he turned to Eric, "Yeah I'll go."
"Okay good. Hey Shawn?" Eric said suddenly.
"Yeah?"
Eric suddenly knew he had to do it, that he couldn't live without it for another day, and so he did. He put his hand behind Shawn's head and pulled him close until their lips met. A bolt of pleasurable electricity went through Eric. Half of him couldn't believe he was kissing someone whom he had admired for so long, and the other half was surprised. . . Shawn wasn't pulling away. In fact he was progressing, opening his mouth a bit daring Eric to explore. . . which he gladly did.
While Eric was in the middle of discovering the inside of Shawn's mouth, just as suddenly as they had began, they stopped. Shawn jumped up, leaving Eric sitting on the ground with an uncertain expression.
"I'm sorry," Shawn stammered, "I shouldn't have done that."
"You shouldn't? What" Eric asked.
"I shouldn't have. . . let you. . . um. . .never-mind. I just need to. . .go for a walk. I'm sorry."
Shawn started walking toward the door, grabbing his notorious leather jacket, "Wait. . .Shawn! It's late! You can't go out by yourself!"
Shawn turned around, "I just need. . . to go to. . .do something. I. . . have to go to the grocery store," he lied.
"What? Wait."
"What?"
"What was your secret anyway."
Shawn stared horrified. No I can't tell you, he thought, not after this. You can't know what we did. I can't tell anyone. . . ever.
"It's nothing," he lied again, "Listen Eric I'm sorry but, I can't do this with you. I'm sorry." I want to but I can't, he thought, please understand. With that thought he was out the door.
I'm sorry too, Eric attempted telepathy after Shawn had left, I'm so sorry. I just ruined our friendship with that stunt, but. . . I love every minute I'm with you Shawn. . . I can't lose you.
A/N: Okay a little bit of slash, but the "event" I was talking about in an earlier chapter isn't up yet. I hope you like it so far. But what is Shawn's secret eh? What they do? Review for me please! I'll try to get more up soon, if people tell me too!