DISCLAIMER: Not Mine. Don't sue, I'm broke.
NOTES: Aragorn's POV
A Secret Shared - Chapter 13
I lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to arrange my thoughts. There was no mistaking what I had seen two nights ago in Legolas's room. He had taken pleasure from another man on the very night he was going to take it from me...on the very night I was going to show him the very extent of my love for him. I had planned to pledge myself to him for the rest of my life. Now I do not know that I would pledge myself to him for a mere second of my life.
The pain I felt within my heart had come and gone, numbed into emptiness, and I felt nothing.
Why was I thinking about Legolas? Although I loved him, he obviously did not feel the same way, else he would not have done such a deceitful thing to me. Arwen loved me. And I knew that deep inside my heart, I still loved her too, but in the wrong sort of way. Maybe that's how Legolas feels for me. Maybe he only loves me as a close friend.
I realised I had been setting my priorities all wrong. My duty was to rid the land of those disgusting Orcs, and eventually, maybe one day I would return to Gondor and take my place as king. Yet I was not sure of doing that, for I loved life as a ranger, I knew not if I could handle the responsibilities that a king had. I admired those such as Lord Elrond, who had so much responsibility and always put the safety and needs of their lands before their own wants and needs. Although I knew my true roots, as son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, I could not find it in myself to choose ruling that land over the solidarity that being a ranger sometimes would bring, and the great pride I felt within myself when in battle, felling Orcs left and right. That is how I wished to do duty to my kingdom, rather than being the king of it.
Yet what if I had no other option but to take the throne of Gondor? A king needs a queen to rule beside him. Once upon a time that would have been Arwen. I had it all planned, once. I would assist in ridding Middle-Earth of Orcs, at least driving them far away from places where people dwelt. Then Arwen and I would be wed, and together we would go to Gondor, where I would claim my rightful place as king. There I would strive to be a just and fair ruler, ensure a happy kingdom for my people, and father both sons and daughters to rule over the kingdom after I had passed. And I would not make any of the mistakes my ancestors had made, I had been sure of that.
But that was all before I started to feel differently for Legolas. After my feelings were realised, all my plans for the future changed. Now it was as uncertain as ever, even my past plans had never been concrete. Arwen and I were no longer courting; I was still unsure if Lord Elrond knew of this. I could count on one hand those who knew of the true situation: Legolas, Myself, Arwen...and Boromir. He may be a problem. I knew not how he discovered the truth about Legolas and I, maybe he just guessed, but I knew it was not good to have someone that I now regarded as an enemy to know such a dangerous and guarded secret.
I hope he would not tell. Or to do so, he would be risking his own secrets. If he told of Legolas and myself, word would get out of his and Legolas's - I shuddered - liaison. Which would cause him to be spurned from his home, and likely to live as an outcast as would Legolas and I should our secret be exposed. Yet now, if this secret were to be revealed, we would not be living together as outcasts. For I was sure that Legolas did not care for me, and if he did, I was unsure that I would be able to look at him again without remembering that terrible scene in his room - the scene I was trying in vain to block from my memory, the events that played over and over in my mind. I did not know that I could ever forgive him - much as I knew I still loved him - for what he had done.
What had driven him to tell me he loved me, when it was so evident that he did not? Had he merely played along, making a little game of it, to see how long it was before he could get me into bed?
Or maybe he still does love me. Perhaps the thing with Boromir was a complete misunderstanding. No, I was losing my touch with reason now. I know what I saw: Legolas and Boromir. Boromir pleasuring Legolas. And yet I heard Legolas cry out my name! This, I told myself, *must* have been a mistake, for why would he call out my name when it was Boromir who was pleasuring him?
The more I thought, the more furious I became. As far as I cared, I would happily never see Legolas again. As for Boromir, he should keep out of my way, if ever our paths cross.
Lord Elrond had told me I must spend one more day in bed. I was not happy with this, for I wanted to get up, and go for a long walk. I could always think better when I was in the great outdoors, on my own, miles from anyone. Saying that, I had little trouble thinking here. I knew that it was over between Legolas and I. I decided I never wanted to see him again; I was not even interested in having his friendship. I wanted nothing to do with him. As for my feelings, they will be stifled, and I shall remain alone, single, and continue living the forever-lonely life of a ranger. It was the only solution I could think of.
NOTES: Aragorn's POV
A Secret Shared - Chapter 13
I lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to arrange my thoughts. There was no mistaking what I had seen two nights ago in Legolas's room. He had taken pleasure from another man on the very night he was going to take it from me...on the very night I was going to show him the very extent of my love for him. I had planned to pledge myself to him for the rest of my life. Now I do not know that I would pledge myself to him for a mere second of my life.
The pain I felt within my heart had come and gone, numbed into emptiness, and I felt nothing.
Why was I thinking about Legolas? Although I loved him, he obviously did not feel the same way, else he would not have done such a deceitful thing to me. Arwen loved me. And I knew that deep inside my heart, I still loved her too, but in the wrong sort of way. Maybe that's how Legolas feels for me. Maybe he only loves me as a close friend.
I realised I had been setting my priorities all wrong. My duty was to rid the land of those disgusting Orcs, and eventually, maybe one day I would return to Gondor and take my place as king. Yet I was not sure of doing that, for I loved life as a ranger, I knew not if I could handle the responsibilities that a king had. I admired those such as Lord Elrond, who had so much responsibility and always put the safety and needs of their lands before their own wants and needs. Although I knew my true roots, as son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, I could not find it in myself to choose ruling that land over the solidarity that being a ranger sometimes would bring, and the great pride I felt within myself when in battle, felling Orcs left and right. That is how I wished to do duty to my kingdom, rather than being the king of it.
Yet what if I had no other option but to take the throne of Gondor? A king needs a queen to rule beside him. Once upon a time that would have been Arwen. I had it all planned, once. I would assist in ridding Middle-Earth of Orcs, at least driving them far away from places where people dwelt. Then Arwen and I would be wed, and together we would go to Gondor, where I would claim my rightful place as king. There I would strive to be a just and fair ruler, ensure a happy kingdom for my people, and father both sons and daughters to rule over the kingdom after I had passed. And I would not make any of the mistakes my ancestors had made, I had been sure of that.
But that was all before I started to feel differently for Legolas. After my feelings were realised, all my plans for the future changed. Now it was as uncertain as ever, even my past plans had never been concrete. Arwen and I were no longer courting; I was still unsure if Lord Elrond knew of this. I could count on one hand those who knew of the true situation: Legolas, Myself, Arwen...and Boromir. He may be a problem. I knew not how he discovered the truth about Legolas and I, maybe he just guessed, but I knew it was not good to have someone that I now regarded as an enemy to know such a dangerous and guarded secret.
I hope he would not tell. Or to do so, he would be risking his own secrets. If he told of Legolas and myself, word would get out of his and Legolas's - I shuddered - liaison. Which would cause him to be spurned from his home, and likely to live as an outcast as would Legolas and I should our secret be exposed. Yet now, if this secret were to be revealed, we would not be living together as outcasts. For I was sure that Legolas did not care for me, and if he did, I was unsure that I would be able to look at him again without remembering that terrible scene in his room - the scene I was trying in vain to block from my memory, the events that played over and over in my mind. I did not know that I could ever forgive him - much as I knew I still loved him - for what he had done.
What had driven him to tell me he loved me, when it was so evident that he did not? Had he merely played along, making a little game of it, to see how long it was before he could get me into bed?
Or maybe he still does love me. Perhaps the thing with Boromir was a complete misunderstanding. No, I was losing my touch with reason now. I know what I saw: Legolas and Boromir. Boromir pleasuring Legolas. And yet I heard Legolas cry out my name! This, I told myself, *must* have been a mistake, for why would he call out my name when it was Boromir who was pleasuring him?
The more I thought, the more furious I became. As far as I cared, I would happily never see Legolas again. As for Boromir, he should keep out of my way, if ever our paths cross.
Lord Elrond had told me I must spend one more day in bed. I was not happy with this, for I wanted to get up, and go for a long walk. I could always think better when I was in the great outdoors, on my own, miles from anyone. Saying that, I had little trouble thinking here. I knew that it was over between Legolas and I. I decided I never wanted to see him again; I was not even interested in having his friendship. I wanted nothing to do with him. As for my feelings, they will be stifled, and I shall remain alone, single, and continue living the forever-lonely life of a ranger. It was the only solution I could think of.