ALWAYS REMEMBER
BY CREASSYA
This takes place two weeks after Monica's Wedding. She and fiance' Tyler Montgomery were supposed to get married. No one knew that Monica had been having doubts until she told Tyler she couldn't marry him. Chandler stood frozen as she told him that in front of everyone. Tyler looked devastated and humiliated. Chandler almost felt sorry for him. While Chandler was comforting Monica, she was angry with him. Doesn't sound like Monica does it?
I walk into Monica and Rachel's apartment, but don't see anyone inside. I know that Monica's home because she's barely left the apartment since she broke up with Tyler. She went to work and came home. She stayed in her room most of the day, not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone. Every time I come by to check up on her she's asleep. I walk over to her door and open it slowly.
"Chandler, get out!" she yelled.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were dressing," I say while closing the door.
"Well, you should have knocked."
"I'm so so so sorry Mon."
"Just leave Chandler."
"All right. I'm sorry."
I walk back to my and Joey's apartment feeling hurt. She had never yelled at me before. I don't know what has gotten into her. I know that she's going through a difficult time, but she seems to be taking her anger out on me more than anyone else. I walk into my room and close the door. The image of her bare back and her legs flash before me. It's weird but now, I'm no longer hurt. I just want to go over there and hold her in my arms. I know that it'll take a while before she's back to normal, so I'll just be here for her and not mention how much her being mean to me hurts my feelings.
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The next day, while I was coming out of my room, Chandler entered. We look at each other for a few seconds before I speak.
"I just tried to call you."
"Here I am," he said.
I could tell by the sound of his voice that his cheerfulness was fake. I slowly walk over to him as he stands in the kitchen by the table.
"Chandler, I'm really sorry for the way I snapped at you yesterday."
"I shouldn't have just walked in."
"I still shouldn't have yelled at you like that. It was an accident."
"Apology accepted."
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I want so much to hug him for being so understanding, but I can't bare it. Every time I look at him, I'm reminded of our break up.
"Thanks for being so understanding about this."
When he smiled, I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze. It's a reaction I don't think about before I do it. We've always been affectionate with each other, even before we started dating. I want to take my hand away instantly, but he holds on to it. I look into his gorgeous blue eyes and melt.
"You okay?"
"What?" I ask, snapping out of it.
"I said are you okay?"
"Oh yeah. Why?"
"I don't do know. You just have this far away look on your face."
"I'll be fine."
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I find myself not wanting to let go of her hand. Why the hell did you throw away something so good? I ask myself. Of all the stupid things I've ever done in my life, not fighting for our relationship was the stupidest. I finally let go of her hand and sit at the kitchen table. Soon after, Ross and Phoebe enter.
"Hey Mon."
"Hey guys."
"How are you today?" Ross asked.
"I'm okay."
"Good," Phoebe said.
"Have you heard from Tyler yet?" Ross asked.
"No. I've been trying to call him, but I only get his machine."
"Monica, you still haven't told us why you called off the wedding," Phoebe said.
"Look, I just started having doubts, that's all."
"All right. We'll drop it." Ross said.
I sit and watch her face. I can tell that she's not telling us the whole story. Something else kept her from marrying Tyler. I wanted to ask her so many times, but I didn't want to pressure her. She didn't want to talk about it with anyone. I'm hoping that she'll confide in me one of these days. She doesn't talk to me the way she used to. She used to be able to tell me anything. I miss that so much. I feel like I don't really know her that well anymore. I block out what she, Phoebe, and Ross are talking about. Instead, I watch her face for any trace of something else that might be going on inside her. It's hard to tell. She's laughing with them, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She's covering up how miserable she is. She's been doing it for a while, I finally realize. I thought that she was really happy while she was with Tyler. I wasn't paying much attention to her, because if I was, I would have noticed how unhappy she really was. Part of her was crying out, and I didn't see it. I was too busy hating Tyler. When he started dating Monica, we barely had anything to say to one another. I was furious with him and myself when they announced that they were engaged. Not only was I furious, but I felt like crying. At that moment, I felt like I had lost her forever.
"What do you think Chandler?" Phoebe asked.
"Huh?"
"Where were you just now?" Monica asked.
"I guess I just spaced out."
"Chandler, are you okay?" Monica asked.
"Yeah, I'm just a little tired."
"Still not sleeping?" Ross asked.
"Not really."
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I look into his face, and for the first time realize that he has dark circles under his eyes. Something's bothering him. I wasn't even aware that he was having trouble sleeping. I've been spending so much time being angry with him for something that happened years ago that I didn't see that he's struggling with something. What kind of friend am I? He obviously needs me to be there for him, but he probably didn't mention that he hasn't been sleeping well because he's been so busy being here for me. I feel so incredibly horrible right now.
Later that day, I walk into his and Joey's apartment. He's sitting at the counter eating. He looks a little surprised to see me.
"Hi."
"Hey. What's going on?"
"Well, earlier, when Ross mentioned that you haven't been sleeping, I felt really bad. I've been so busy being wrapped up in what's bothering me that I wasn't even paying attention to you. I know something's bothering you." I said sincerely.
"I'm fine Mon."
"Chandler, I know you. Something's wrong."
"I'm just having a little trouble sleeping, that's all."
"Yeah, but why?"
"Monica I don't think.......
"Chandler, I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's bothering you."
**********************************************************************
As I look into her pretty blue eyes, I see concern for the first time in a long time. I don't want to tell her the truth, but I can't think of a lie to tell her. She stands in front of me waiting for me to pour my heart out to her. I see no other way out. I have to tell her.
"Okay, you really want to know why I haven't been sleeping?"
"Yes, I would."
I look deep into her eyes and say.....
"I still love you Monica," I said without taking my eyes off her.
She looks surprised to hear me say that. Her mouth drops open and she backs away from the counter. When I noticed that she was about to turn and leave, I get up and hurry toward the door and stand in front of it to stop her.
"I can't handle this right now Chandler."
"You said that you wanted me to tell you why I can't sleep."
"I also said that I wouldn't leave until you told me what was wrong with you, and you did. So now I'm leaving," she said angrily.
"I don't get it. Why are you mad all of a sudden?"
"Get out of my way Chandler!"
"Mon, please talk to me," I pleaded.
"I don't wanna talk anymore," she said, looking at the floor.
"Why are you mad because I just told you that I love you?"
"Chandler!"
"Monica, please."
"Because it's too late. We had a good thing and you blew it. You just pushed me away and that really really hurt!"
"I was stupid."
"Damn right!"
I stare at her. Amazed at how angry she is with me. It all makes sense now. Her hurting my feelings, being mean and distant, comes from her anger towards me because of our breakup. I can't believe that I didn't notice this before.
"So that's what this has all been about. You hate me for throwing away what we had."
"Chandler, I don't hate you. I'm just pissed at you."
"I can see that. Why didn't you ever mention this before?"
"Because I didn't want to. I thought I could just get over you and get on with my life."
"Is that why you didn't marry Tyler?"
"I think you already know the answer to that."
"Mon, I have apologized....
"It doesn't matter," she interrupted.
"I regret letting you go every day since we broke up."
"You should."
"Monica, you still love me don't you?"
"I'm too angry to feel anything else," she said, glaring at him.
The conversation was getting nowhere. I step to the side and allowed her to leave the apartment. She walked past me and slammed the door behind her. I feel worst than ever now. Not only am I in pain, but so is she, and it's all because of me. When we resumed our friendship, I didn't see a trace of anger in her. I guess it's gotten pretty difficult for her hide now. I want to go after her, but I decide that she needs some time to cool off. The last thing I want to is upset her even more. I stand by the door for a few seconds before walking into my room.
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I walk into my room and close the door. Chandler telling me that he still loves me, totally caught me off guard. When someone tells you that they love you, it's supposed to move you, not anger you. All the anger that I'd been hiding, finally came out. I didn't want it to come out like that, but I guess it was inevitable. I hate that Chandler and I aren't as close as we used to be. I wipe away the tears that has slid down my face and lye back on my bed. I look up at the ceiling wishing things had worked out with Chandler. All this time I thought that he had gotten over me. Now I find out that he never stopped loving me. The tears are coming more and more now and I don't try to stop them. I'm experiencing mixed feelings right now. It's confusing. I want Chandler to walk through this door and take me in his arms until I stop crying, but I also don't want to see him. I feel like I'm losing it. I don't know what to do. As my cries grow louder, Rachel enters my room.
"Mon, honey what's wrong?" She asked.
I quiet down and wipe my tears. She sits on my bed looking concerned.
"I still love Chandler," I sat, sitting up.
"Well, maybe you should tell him how you feel."
"I don't think so."
"Are you afraid that he might not feel the same way?"
"He just told me that he still loves me."
"Oh."
"Why did he have to do this?"
"Do what? Tell you how he feels?"
"Why did he have to push me away? Why did he have to ruin what we had?"
"Mon, only Chandler can answer that."
"I know, but these are the questions I've been asking myself for years."
"Monica, go talk to him."
"I'm too upset."
"Well, when you calm down, tell him how you feel."
"I don't know."
"Monica, the two of you used to be so close. Do you really want to throw that away?"
"No, of course not."
"The two of you have a lot to talk about."
"I know. Sometimes when I see him, I just get so angry."
"If you would have dealt with this before, you wouldn't be so angry now."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take this out on you."
"I know. Just think about what I said."
Rachel gets up and leaves the room. I get up and just stand there. How could he tell me that? He has a lot of nerve. I just wanna go back over there and tell him off, but I can't bring myself to do so. I realize that I dragged the truth out of him, but why did he have to tell me that he loves me? He could have made up something. I'm so furious with him right now. I stand in the mirror looking at my reflection. Suddenly the expression on my face turns from anger to sadness. I'm angry with Chandler for telling me how he feels about me. I've always encouraged him to open himself up to me, yet I get angry with him for expressing himself to me and I storm out on him. How could I do that to him? I'm acting is if he had just told me that he hates me. I step away from the mirror and sit on my bed. I miss Chandler. I miss his friendship. I miss him as my boyfriend. I miss having him touch my face while gazing into my eyes. I miss feeling his lips touching mine. I miss feeling his arms being wrapped around me protectively. I miss us laughing together. I don't think I've ever missed anyone so much in my life. Chandler means the world to me, but all I can show him is how angry I am with him for not putting his all into the relationship we once had. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and I've been treating him as if he did. What's wrong with me?
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I sit in the coffeehouse reading the newspaper. I've just read an article about a robbery, but I don't remember what I just read. My mind is preoccupied. I fold the newspaper and sit it next to me. Seconds later Ross and Monica stroll in. I get up off the couch as they come over to sit down. I don't look Monica in the face. I grab my newspaper, say hi to them, and leave. I walk back to the apartment as fast as I could. It just occurred to me that I'm angry with Monica. I let go and told her how I still feel about her and she gets mad and storms out on me. It really hurt my feelings. I can't change the past and what happened years ago between us. I don't know what to do. I want to make her see that I didn't hurt her on purpose. I really didn't expect our relationship to last as long as it did. I wasn't really aware of how distant I had become. I expected her to show a little more patience and understanding, but she didn't. In a way, she gave up also. She's been putting all the blame on me, when in fact it took the both of us to ruin our relationship. Realizing this, I become more and more angry with Monica. All this time I've been feeling guilty for how the relationship ended when it wasn't even all my fault. I entered the apartment. I lay my newspaper on the counter and go over and sit in my chair. I sit there without the TV on for a while. I just sit here thinking about how I could have done things differently. Monica interrupted my thoughts when she walked in. I turn around and glare at her.
"Chandler, I didn't mean to be so rude before."
"I'm getting used to it."
"I just don't know how to handle this anger."
"Well, maybe you should just keep your distance from me," I said angrily.
"Your angry with me."
"Good observation," I said sarcastically.
"I don't blame you."
"And you shouldn't."
"Maybe I should go."
"Maybe you should."
"I'm sorry Chandler."
She looks at me for a few seconds before leaving the apartment. I instantly feel bad for being mean to her, but I'm still angry at the same time. I know that I should go over and apologize, but I can't bring myself to get and go over there. Instead, I get up and go into my room. I turn on the radio and lye on my bed. Just then, the song, The Love We Had (Stays On My Mind) comes on.
THE LOVE WE HAD (STAYS ON MY MIND)
(BY DRU HILL)
I just can't believe it girl
I can't believe that it's over
But I'm a man, and I'll be all right
But still
The Love We Had, Stays On My Mind
Lately babe I've been thinking
How good it was when you were here
And ain't the wine that I've been drinking
For once I feel my head is clear
Early this morning
When I opened up my eyes
That old lonesome feeling took me by surprise
I guess you meant more to me than I realized
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
And lately girl
I've been remembering the good times
That we used to share
My thoughts of you don't have an ending
And memories of you are everywhere
But what should I tell you
Is not your concern
You win some, you lose some
Well I've lost, and I've learned
Sisqo's so lonely with no place to turn
The love we had stays on my mind
Girl if you were nearer
If you had a mirror maybe you could
Count my tears
And if you were nearer it would all be clearer
How I wish that you were here
How I wish that you were here
And baby girl I was tired
So I laid down to dream for a little while
But lately I've been so, so uninspired
Without the comfort of your smile
But I'm not complaining
Cause that's how it goes
There's always some heartache
In this world I suppose
But you could hit a man's jones
Like nobody knows
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
Sometimes I get a little lonely
I can't eat at night
I can't sleep at night
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
I lay here with tears in my eyes. I miss her so much I can't stand it. I also can't stand the fact that we're always angry with each other. We've always got along really well and had a lot in common with each other. Now the only things we have in common are anger and regrets. After hearing that song, I'm no longer filled with anger, but with sadness. I miss my sweetheart. I miss her gazing at me with that beautiful smile on her face. A smile that made me melt no matter what mood I was in. I hope that one day we'll be able to sit down and talk about everything. I hope that one day, she'll be able to forgive me.
NEXT.........TOW THE SKI TRIP
BY CREASSYA
This takes place two weeks after Monica's Wedding. She and fiance' Tyler Montgomery were supposed to get married. No one knew that Monica had been having doubts until she told Tyler she couldn't marry him. Chandler stood frozen as she told him that in front of everyone. Tyler looked devastated and humiliated. Chandler almost felt sorry for him. While Chandler was comforting Monica, she was angry with him. Doesn't sound like Monica does it?
I walk into Monica and Rachel's apartment, but don't see anyone inside. I know that Monica's home because she's barely left the apartment since she broke up with Tyler. She went to work and came home. She stayed in her room most of the day, not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone. Every time I come by to check up on her she's asleep. I walk over to her door and open it slowly.
"Chandler, get out!" she yelled.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were dressing," I say while closing the door.
"Well, you should have knocked."
"I'm so so so sorry Mon."
"Just leave Chandler."
"All right. I'm sorry."
I walk back to my and Joey's apartment feeling hurt. She had never yelled at me before. I don't know what has gotten into her. I know that she's going through a difficult time, but she seems to be taking her anger out on me more than anyone else. I walk into my room and close the door. The image of her bare back and her legs flash before me. It's weird but now, I'm no longer hurt. I just want to go over there and hold her in my arms. I know that it'll take a while before she's back to normal, so I'll just be here for her and not mention how much her being mean to me hurts my feelings.
******************************************************************
The next day, while I was coming out of my room, Chandler entered. We look at each other for a few seconds before I speak.
"I just tried to call you."
"Here I am," he said.
I could tell by the sound of his voice that his cheerfulness was fake. I slowly walk over to him as he stands in the kitchen by the table.
"Chandler, I'm really sorry for the way I snapped at you yesterday."
"I shouldn't have just walked in."
"I still shouldn't have yelled at you like that. It was an accident."
"Apology accepted."
********************************************************************
I want so much to hug him for being so understanding, but I can't bare it. Every time I look at him, I'm reminded of our break up.
"Thanks for being so understanding about this."
When he smiled, I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze. It's a reaction I don't think about before I do it. We've always been affectionate with each other, even before we started dating. I want to take my hand away instantly, but he holds on to it. I look into his gorgeous blue eyes and melt.
"You okay?"
"What?" I ask, snapping out of it.
"I said are you okay?"
"Oh yeah. Why?"
"I don't do know. You just have this far away look on your face."
"I'll be fine."
******************************************************************
I find myself not wanting to let go of her hand. Why the hell did you throw away something so good? I ask myself. Of all the stupid things I've ever done in my life, not fighting for our relationship was the stupidest. I finally let go of her hand and sit at the kitchen table. Soon after, Ross and Phoebe enter.
"Hey Mon."
"Hey guys."
"How are you today?" Ross asked.
"I'm okay."
"Good," Phoebe said.
"Have you heard from Tyler yet?" Ross asked.
"No. I've been trying to call him, but I only get his machine."
"Monica, you still haven't told us why you called off the wedding," Phoebe said.
"Look, I just started having doubts, that's all."
"All right. We'll drop it." Ross said.
I sit and watch her face. I can tell that she's not telling us the whole story. Something else kept her from marrying Tyler. I wanted to ask her so many times, but I didn't want to pressure her. She didn't want to talk about it with anyone. I'm hoping that she'll confide in me one of these days. She doesn't talk to me the way she used to. She used to be able to tell me anything. I miss that so much. I feel like I don't really know her that well anymore. I block out what she, Phoebe, and Ross are talking about. Instead, I watch her face for any trace of something else that might be going on inside her. It's hard to tell. She's laughing with them, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She's covering up how miserable she is. She's been doing it for a while, I finally realize. I thought that she was really happy while she was with Tyler. I wasn't paying much attention to her, because if I was, I would have noticed how unhappy she really was. Part of her was crying out, and I didn't see it. I was too busy hating Tyler. When he started dating Monica, we barely had anything to say to one another. I was furious with him and myself when they announced that they were engaged. Not only was I furious, but I felt like crying. At that moment, I felt like I had lost her forever.
"What do you think Chandler?" Phoebe asked.
"Huh?"
"Where were you just now?" Monica asked.
"I guess I just spaced out."
"Chandler, are you okay?" Monica asked.
"Yeah, I'm just a little tired."
"Still not sleeping?" Ross asked.
"Not really."
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I look into his face, and for the first time realize that he has dark circles under his eyes. Something's bothering him. I wasn't even aware that he was having trouble sleeping. I've been spending so much time being angry with him for something that happened years ago that I didn't see that he's struggling with something. What kind of friend am I? He obviously needs me to be there for him, but he probably didn't mention that he hasn't been sleeping well because he's been so busy being here for me. I feel so incredibly horrible right now.
Later that day, I walk into his and Joey's apartment. He's sitting at the counter eating. He looks a little surprised to see me.
"Hi."
"Hey. What's going on?"
"Well, earlier, when Ross mentioned that you haven't been sleeping, I felt really bad. I've been so busy being wrapped up in what's bothering me that I wasn't even paying attention to you. I know something's bothering you." I said sincerely.
"I'm fine Mon."
"Chandler, I know you. Something's wrong."
"I'm just having a little trouble sleeping, that's all."
"Yeah, but why?"
"Monica I don't think.......
"Chandler, I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's bothering you."
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As I look into her pretty blue eyes, I see concern for the first time in a long time. I don't want to tell her the truth, but I can't think of a lie to tell her. She stands in front of me waiting for me to pour my heart out to her. I see no other way out. I have to tell her.
"Okay, you really want to know why I haven't been sleeping?"
"Yes, I would."
I look deep into her eyes and say.....
"I still love you Monica," I said without taking my eyes off her.
She looks surprised to hear me say that. Her mouth drops open and she backs away from the counter. When I noticed that she was about to turn and leave, I get up and hurry toward the door and stand in front of it to stop her.
"I can't handle this right now Chandler."
"You said that you wanted me to tell you why I can't sleep."
"I also said that I wouldn't leave until you told me what was wrong with you, and you did. So now I'm leaving," she said angrily.
"I don't get it. Why are you mad all of a sudden?"
"Get out of my way Chandler!"
"Mon, please talk to me," I pleaded.
"I don't wanna talk anymore," she said, looking at the floor.
"Why are you mad because I just told you that I love you?"
"Chandler!"
"Monica, please."
"Because it's too late. We had a good thing and you blew it. You just pushed me away and that really really hurt!"
"I was stupid."
"Damn right!"
I stare at her. Amazed at how angry she is with me. It all makes sense now. Her hurting my feelings, being mean and distant, comes from her anger towards me because of our breakup. I can't believe that I didn't notice this before.
"So that's what this has all been about. You hate me for throwing away what we had."
"Chandler, I don't hate you. I'm just pissed at you."
"I can see that. Why didn't you ever mention this before?"
"Because I didn't want to. I thought I could just get over you and get on with my life."
"Is that why you didn't marry Tyler?"
"I think you already know the answer to that."
"Mon, I have apologized....
"It doesn't matter," she interrupted.
"I regret letting you go every day since we broke up."
"You should."
"Monica, you still love me don't you?"
"I'm too angry to feel anything else," she said, glaring at him.
The conversation was getting nowhere. I step to the side and allowed her to leave the apartment. She walked past me and slammed the door behind her. I feel worst than ever now. Not only am I in pain, but so is she, and it's all because of me. When we resumed our friendship, I didn't see a trace of anger in her. I guess it's gotten pretty difficult for her hide now. I want to go after her, but I decide that she needs some time to cool off. The last thing I want to is upset her even more. I stand by the door for a few seconds before walking into my room.
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I walk into my room and close the door. Chandler telling me that he still loves me, totally caught me off guard. When someone tells you that they love you, it's supposed to move you, not anger you. All the anger that I'd been hiding, finally came out. I didn't want it to come out like that, but I guess it was inevitable. I hate that Chandler and I aren't as close as we used to be. I wipe away the tears that has slid down my face and lye back on my bed. I look up at the ceiling wishing things had worked out with Chandler. All this time I thought that he had gotten over me. Now I find out that he never stopped loving me. The tears are coming more and more now and I don't try to stop them. I'm experiencing mixed feelings right now. It's confusing. I want Chandler to walk through this door and take me in his arms until I stop crying, but I also don't want to see him. I feel like I'm losing it. I don't know what to do. As my cries grow louder, Rachel enters my room.
"Mon, honey what's wrong?" She asked.
I quiet down and wipe my tears. She sits on my bed looking concerned.
"I still love Chandler," I sat, sitting up.
"Well, maybe you should tell him how you feel."
"I don't think so."
"Are you afraid that he might not feel the same way?"
"He just told me that he still loves me."
"Oh."
"Why did he have to do this?"
"Do what? Tell you how he feels?"
"Why did he have to push me away? Why did he have to ruin what we had?"
"Mon, only Chandler can answer that."
"I know, but these are the questions I've been asking myself for years."
"Monica, go talk to him."
"I'm too upset."
"Well, when you calm down, tell him how you feel."
"I don't know."
"Monica, the two of you used to be so close. Do you really want to throw that away?"
"No, of course not."
"The two of you have a lot to talk about."
"I know. Sometimes when I see him, I just get so angry."
"If you would have dealt with this before, you wouldn't be so angry now."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take this out on you."
"I know. Just think about what I said."
Rachel gets up and leaves the room. I get up and just stand there. How could he tell me that? He has a lot of nerve. I just wanna go back over there and tell him off, but I can't bring myself to do so. I realize that I dragged the truth out of him, but why did he have to tell me that he loves me? He could have made up something. I'm so furious with him right now. I stand in the mirror looking at my reflection. Suddenly the expression on my face turns from anger to sadness. I'm angry with Chandler for telling me how he feels about me. I've always encouraged him to open himself up to me, yet I get angry with him for expressing himself to me and I storm out on him. How could I do that to him? I'm acting is if he had just told me that he hates me. I step away from the mirror and sit on my bed. I miss Chandler. I miss his friendship. I miss him as my boyfriend. I miss having him touch my face while gazing into my eyes. I miss feeling his lips touching mine. I miss feeling his arms being wrapped around me protectively. I miss us laughing together. I don't think I've ever missed anyone so much in my life. Chandler means the world to me, but all I can show him is how angry I am with him for not putting his all into the relationship we once had. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and I've been treating him as if he did. What's wrong with me?
************************************************************************
I sit in the coffeehouse reading the newspaper. I've just read an article about a robbery, but I don't remember what I just read. My mind is preoccupied. I fold the newspaper and sit it next to me. Seconds later Ross and Monica stroll in. I get up off the couch as they come over to sit down. I don't look Monica in the face. I grab my newspaper, say hi to them, and leave. I walk back to the apartment as fast as I could. It just occurred to me that I'm angry with Monica. I let go and told her how I still feel about her and she gets mad and storms out on me. It really hurt my feelings. I can't change the past and what happened years ago between us. I don't know what to do. I want to make her see that I didn't hurt her on purpose. I really didn't expect our relationship to last as long as it did. I wasn't really aware of how distant I had become. I expected her to show a little more patience and understanding, but she didn't. In a way, she gave up also. She's been putting all the blame on me, when in fact it took the both of us to ruin our relationship. Realizing this, I become more and more angry with Monica. All this time I've been feeling guilty for how the relationship ended when it wasn't even all my fault. I entered the apartment. I lay my newspaper on the counter and go over and sit in my chair. I sit there without the TV on for a while. I just sit here thinking about how I could have done things differently. Monica interrupted my thoughts when she walked in. I turn around and glare at her.
"Chandler, I didn't mean to be so rude before."
"I'm getting used to it."
"I just don't know how to handle this anger."
"Well, maybe you should just keep your distance from me," I said angrily.
"Your angry with me."
"Good observation," I said sarcastically.
"I don't blame you."
"And you shouldn't."
"Maybe I should go."
"Maybe you should."
"I'm sorry Chandler."
She looks at me for a few seconds before leaving the apartment. I instantly feel bad for being mean to her, but I'm still angry at the same time. I know that I should go over and apologize, but I can't bring myself to get and go over there. Instead, I get up and go into my room. I turn on the radio and lye on my bed. Just then, the song, The Love We Had (Stays On My Mind) comes on.
THE LOVE WE HAD (STAYS ON MY MIND)
(BY DRU HILL)
I just can't believe it girl
I can't believe that it's over
But I'm a man, and I'll be all right
But still
The Love We Had, Stays On My Mind
Lately babe I've been thinking
How good it was when you were here
And ain't the wine that I've been drinking
For once I feel my head is clear
Early this morning
When I opened up my eyes
That old lonesome feeling took me by surprise
I guess you meant more to me than I realized
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
And lately girl
I've been remembering the good times
That we used to share
My thoughts of you don't have an ending
And memories of you are everywhere
But what should I tell you
Is not your concern
You win some, you lose some
Well I've lost, and I've learned
Sisqo's so lonely with no place to turn
The love we had stays on my mind
Girl if you were nearer
If you had a mirror maybe you could
Count my tears
And if you were nearer it would all be clearer
How I wish that you were here
How I wish that you were here
And baby girl I was tired
So I laid down to dream for a little while
But lately I've been so, so uninspired
Without the comfort of your smile
But I'm not complaining
Cause that's how it goes
There's always some heartache
In this world I suppose
But you could hit a man's jones
Like nobody knows
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
Sometimes I get a little lonely
I can't eat at night
I can't sleep at night
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
The love we had stays on my mind
I lay here with tears in my eyes. I miss her so much I can't stand it. I also can't stand the fact that we're always angry with each other. We've always got along really well and had a lot in common with each other. Now the only things we have in common are anger and regrets. After hearing that song, I'm no longer filled with anger, but with sadness. I miss my sweetheart. I miss her gazing at me with that beautiful smile on her face. A smile that made me melt no matter what mood I was in. I hope that one day we'll be able to sit down and talk about everything. I hope that one day, she'll be able to forgive me.
NEXT.........TOW THE SKI TRIP