Disclaimer: I done this all throughout my first fic, but I'll do this again
anyway. I don't
own LoK or any of its characters
_____________________________________________________
The scene is the Pillars (I really overuse this scene) and the lieutenants are
bored and Kain's pissed off...again
Kain: I'm pissed!
Raziel: What now?
Kain: Well, I'm bored. My life is dull!
Raziel: (sarcastically) Yes, I suppose the life of a time traveling vampire with a
rebellious son would get kind of tiring.
Kain: I need to go out and kill something.
Dumah: Ooh, can I go and kill stuff too?
Kain: Um...no. (then Kain heads to the door) This day couldn't get any worse.
(then when Kain opened the door Janos was on the other side of it, holding a pan)
Kain: Dammit! I hate you Janos!
Janos: (calling out to the lieutenants) I've baked cookies!
Turel: Chocolate chip!
Kain: Janos, you're like the mother they never had.
(then Kain left and Janos entered)
Janos: I thought you vamps might need some cookies.
Melchiah: Oh, awesome!
Dumah: Why are you being nice to us?
Janos: Because I have a date.
Rahab: With who?
Janos: The Seer.
Melchiah: (giggling) Yeah, she's a slut. She'll go with anyone.
Dumah: (to Melchiah) Yeah, even losers like you!
Melchiah: Yeah. (then Melchiah starts laughing again, but then he notices what Dumah
just said) What?
(meanwhile, Kain decided to go to his favorite restaurant-Meridian)
Kain: (while riding in a go-kart made of legos that Kain built) Something interesting
always happens in Meridian. Last time I went there, I found a memory recorder. I
wonder what'll happen this time? Maybe something exciting that I'll later get pissed off
about. That also always happens in Meridian.
(so Kain finally arrived in Meridian and was wondering around the streets, very very
very hungry)
Kain: I'm hungry. (then Kain grabs a Passerby 1)
Kain: Hey, can I kill you and drink your blood?
Passerby 1: No! (then Passerby 1 runs off)
Kain: Selfish!
(so Kain wanders about unbearingly hungry, so hungry that he feels as though he's
about to pass out. So hun-)
Kain: Enough already!
(then Kain looks around and finds a dead body. Well, Kain's was hungry and for some
odd reason, there was still blood left in the body!)
Kain: (looking at the dead person) Supper! (then, while drinking the blood) I'm such a
sucker for corpses.
(then, unbeknownst to Kain but now knownst to us, Moebius saw Kain drinking the
blood)
Moebius: Police! Police! (Moebius, you idiot, there are no police!) Oh yeah. Sarafan,
sarafan!
(then thousands of sarafan surround Kain, who's still drinking blood)
Kain: Yummy!
(then Moebius came up and kicked Kain)
Kain: (seeing Moebius) Hey you vile carbuncle-infested bastard! I was drin- (then Kain
saw the multiple sarafan) Hey, I was set up!
Moebius: Oh really...
Kain: (then Kain pulls out pepper spray) Aha! Just in case this happened! (then Kain
pressed the button. Too bad he had the can facing the wrong way and Kain's own eyes
got pepper sprayed) I really need to stop coming to Meridian and just enjoy being
bored.
Back at the Pillars...
Raziel: (while preening himself) Man, what would I do without you? You're everything
to me. You are someone I want to protect from all those jealous bastards. (Raziel is
looking at his reflection, of course)
(...and everyone else was watching T.V. including Janos and Vorador, who has his
head duck taped again, and who has also just gotten back from Meridian)
Rahab: I love this show!
Dumah: You're the only person I know whose favorite channel is the news channel!
Man you're so dull!
Zephon: I'm not dull! I'm hyper and dependable!
Dumah: Riiiiiiiiight...
(then the telephone rang. Where'd they get the telephone since Marcus stole the only
one in Nosgoth? I don't know)
Melchiah: (talking into the phone) Hello? Yes? Yes? Again! That always happens when
he goes there! Okay, we'll bail him out! Bye! (then Melchiah slams the phone down)
Rahab: What was that?
Melchiah: Razzygirl, come here!
Raziel: (while walking to the others) The least y'all could do is call me Razzyboy.
Melchiah: Anyway, Kain went to Meridian again.
Raziel: Why? Something bad always happens when he goes there.
Melchiah: He's getting a trial.
Janos: You mean they're trying to send him to jail! We must help him!
Dumah: Kain. Jail. Forever. Let's seize the moment!
Vorador: Yes Dumah, let's get him locked up so tight that he'll never come out!
Vorador and Dumah: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(the others just stare at him)
Raziel: If you 2 mess this up, we'll kill you!
Zephon: I bet you a banana pudding that we'll free him!
Dumah: You're on!
(so they all raced to Meridian and are now in the trial room)
Kain: Oh no! The 8 stupid avengers are here...
Raziel: Don't worry, we've got you covered. Besides, any sane and sensible judge will
be on our side.
Sarafan 1: All rise for Judge Moebius!
Raziel: Oh sh*#.
Moebius: Sit down everyone. The case today is about Kain killing someone. If he's
guilty, he'll rot.
Kain: I really hate these situations I get myself in. I really should stop coming here.
Lieutenants: We're witnesses.
Janos and Vorador: And us!
Kain: Listen, I'm gonna rot! I don't need you 8 to make things worse!
Raziel: Don't worry, we've got an ace-in-the-hole.
Vorador: No, it's pronounced a-s-s-h-o-l-e.
Raziel: Oh yeah. And Vorador's that guy.
Kain: I'm gonna die.
Lieutenants minus Dumah plus Janos: We are the defense!
Dumah and Vorador: We are working for the prosecution!
Kain: What!? Raziel, why'd you make them on the enemy's side!
Raziel: There he goes, blaming me again!
Moebius: Order! Shut up you dead smelly corpses!
Zephon: Ooh, that me!
Moebius: Who's going to be the first to defend Kain?
Raziel: I will!
Moebius: Step up to the box.
(Raziel steps up to the box)
Sarafan 2: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so
may God help your stupid scrupulous soul.
Raziel: Scrupulous?
Sarafan 2: Do you?
Raziel: Why, of course! I'm known for my honesty.
Sarafan 2: Okay. Start.
Raziel: First of all, I'd like to say that does Kain look like the kind of person that would
kill somebody? I mean, look at him. He's ugly as hell and dumb as a stump, so how
could he ever kill someone?
Random Person in Audience: He killed my aunt and uncle!
Raziel: Crap. That didn't work.
Kain: I'm going to die.
Raziel: I am his son, and as such I know this man Kain would NEVER hurt a fly!
(then Raziel gets zapped by lightning)
Raziel: What was that?
(then Raziel notices a metal helmet on his head)
Raziel: What?
Moebius: A lie detector.
Kain: (sighs) Why do I keep coming here and getting in trouble like this? It's annoying.
Raziel: Um...er...uh, I've said enough!
Moebius: Wait Raziel, it's OUR turn now!
Sarafan 1: Has Kain ever been unnecessarily mean to you?
Kain: Aw sh**!
Raziel: Um...(nervous laughter) Yes.
Sarafan 1: Can you tell us how many times?
Raziel: (almost crying cause he knows he's gonna get his dad killed) Well, when he
ripped of my wings, threw me into the abyss, shot me with the soul reaver...
(8 hours later)
Raziel: ...he blamed me for Dumah screwing up, he blamed me for him being on
this trial, and he blamed me for Dumah and Vorador working for the prosecution.
Moebius: I rest my case. You may go now.
(then Raziel ranto the others)
Raziel: (in a scarred tone) It didn't go well...
Moebius: Next up is Rahab!
Kain: Aw, Rehab's gonna screw up!
(Rahab stepped up to the box with a lie detector on)
Sarafan 2: Do you swear to do all that stuff that I said earlier that I won't pronounce
again because I'm lazy?
Rahab: Yes.
Moebius: Go ahead nerd.
Rahab: Um...my defense if that the blood was already drained and that the red
liquid was, in fact, red Gatorade.
(then Rahab got zapped)
Rahab: Forgot all about this thing.
Moebius: MY turn! Rahab, has Kain had a record of killing people before?
Rahab: (in a whiny tone) This isn't fair. Yes.
Moebius: I rest my case. Now go away geek. (then Rahab goes and sits down) Next up
is Zephon!
Zephon: (to Kain) Don't worry cause I have a trick up my sleeve that's guaranteed to
get you free.
Kain: (sighs)
(Zephon steps up to box, wears lie detector)
Moebius: Well idiot, what've you got to say?
Zephon: I want to call a witness!
Sarafan 2: Who?
Zephon: Judge Moebius! (using the whisper to Kain) Clever huh?
Kain: (using the whisper back) You're a dumbass.
Moebius: What do you want to ask me?
Zephon: Do you think Kain's really that bad of a vampire?
Moebius: Yes.
Zephon: (disappointed) Are you sure? I was hoping you would sat 'no.'
Moebius: He is a vampire, thus deserving to die.
Zephon: Ah. That didn't go well. I rest my case.
Meobius: Idiot. Next up is Melchiah!
Melchiah: I'm ready!
(then Melchiah goes to the box with a lie detector)
Moebius: How do you plead?
Melchiah: I think Kain is innocent!
Moebius: Do you have proof?
Melchiah: Yes! (zap!) But I do! (zap!) He wouldn't hurt anybody! (zap!) This lie detector
is broken! (zap!) Please, make it stop!
Moebius: Has Kain ever done anything bad?
Melchiah: Um...yes.
Kain: I won't make it out of here alive...
Moebius: Like what?
Melchiah: Well, once I had a pet hedgehog, up until Kain decided to play soccer with it.
Kain: (sighs)
Melchiah: I also had a pet lemming.
Kain: I'm not good with pets.
Melchiah: So Kain took my pet lemming on a trip. Lemmings love jumping off cliffs.
Then that bastard Kain led my pet lemming on a trip to the ledge of the abyss. I guess
you can bet what happened.
Kain: (sniggering) That was fun.
Moebius: That's it. I call the next vamp. Come on Janos!
(Janos steps up to the box with a lie detector on)
Janos: Ladies and gentlemen! I have a dream! That vampires and humans can get
along in harmony! I have a dream! That if humans and vampires can get along
together, there'll be no need for war. All will be good in Nosgoth. That means no more
unnecessary deaths! That is all!
Moebius: That was simply beautiful.
Janos: And a good start to this dream is to release Kain!
Moebius: That was stunning!
Janos: So will you let him go?
Moebius: It wasn't quite that stunning. Now leave you hippy. Next up is Dumah, who's
on the prosecutors' side.
(then Janos leaves and Dumah comes up)
Dumah: (mocking Janos) I have a wet dream! And it proves that male vampires and
human women can get along!
Zephon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dumah: But, Kain's a horrible bastard and doesn't deserve anything. That's all I have to
say.
Moebius: (while clapping) Bravo! Bravo! Excellent! Well, I guess that's it.
Raziel: Wait no! What about Vorador?
Moebius: Where is that perverted gimp?
(then the doors are busted open and Vorador's riding a horse, dressed like the Headless
Horseman, with a sword in the left hand and his own flaming head in the right)
Moebius: What the hell?
(everyone starts screaming and panicking)
Kain: Man, this is dull.
(then Vorador throws his flaming head at Moebius, knocking Moebius straight in the
head, knocking Moebius to the ground. Then Vorador swings his sword and charges at
Moebius and he cuts Moebius' head off, but then his horse trips and Vorador goes
falling to the ground. Then Moebius' head rolls onto Vorador's neck and Moebius gets
revived-in other words, Moebius' head is on Vorador's neck)
Moebius: (with his head attached to Vorador's neck) How am I alive? Huh, I know now!
I know why Vorador lived even without a head! Vorador has the ancient Neck of
Darkness! (so you can now imagine Moebius' head plastered on Vorador's neck)
Vorador's head: Give me my body back!
Moebius: Hahahaha!
(so, since there's nothing but chaos in the court room now, Moebius takes this
opportunity to run over to Kain)
Kain: Moebius, why do you have Vorador's body on?
(then Moebius shocks Kain unconscious with a tazer. Then Moebius carries Kain and
runs out of the court, using Vorador's superior vampire speed, and the lieutenants see
this)
Raziel: Oh crap! Come on guys let's catch him!
Zephon: A chase scene! Yay, these are so fun!
(then the lieutenants ran outside and could barely see how far Moebius ran)
Zephon: Let's hop in the limo and chase him down!
Raziel: No! Limo's too slow!
Zephon: How about my Beetle? It's green!
Raziel: No! Cars are too slow! We'll need something faster!
Zephon: Like what?
(Raziel looks around and spots something that he thinks is faster)
Raziel: Like those horses over there!
(then the lieutenants ran over to the horses)
Raziel: You first Zephon.
Zephon: Where's the door?
Rahab: Zephon has never ridden on a horse before. Zephon has no fear.
Raziel: There isn't one.
(then Zephon hops on the horse)
Zephon: I think my horse is broken!
Raziel: Why?
Zephon: The steering wheel is missing!
Raziel: There isn't a steering wheel!
Zephon: Then how do you steer the damn thing! I also can't find any wires to hot-wire
this thing. Can't find an engine either!
Raziel: There isn't an engine!
Zephon: Then how do you get it to go? (then Zephon gets a really bad idea) Hey, let's
hit it and see what happens!
(then Zephon hits the horse hard and the horse runs so fast that Zephon falls off it very
shortly after)
Dumah: Um, maybe y'all should just chase after him on foot.
Raziel: What about you?
Dumah: Hey, I'm glad this is happening.
Raziel: Who's all coming with me besides Zephon?
Turel: I will! I'll meet you on the other side of town! (then Turel runs off)
Rahab: What is he planning? Anyway, I can't cause I gotta stay here and beat the crap
out of Dumah for being an asshole, Melchiah can't because he'll fall apart to soon, and
Janos can't because he's trying to stop the chaos in the court room.
Raziel: Fine! Come Zephon!
(so then Raziel and Zephon chase after Moebius and sees Moebius behind a vehicle
down an alley. The vehicle is parked as a roadblock and Raziel jumps over the vehicle)
Raziel: Ha, found you! (then he notices he can't find Moebius)
Moebius: (taps Raziel on the shoulder, making Raziel face him) Hello! (then Moebius
zaps Raziel with the tazer and doesn't stop till Raziel spins a few times and falls on the
ground) Weak!
(then Moebius turns to run down the alleyway, but Zephon was right in front of him
because Zephon had ran up a wall of the alleyway and Zephon took this moment of
surprise and Zephon snatched the tazer)
Zephon: Ha! I got the tazer now, bitch! I've always wanted to sat that to you.
Moebius: Here's what I'll do. (then Moebius knocks Zephon upside the head with
Moebius' staff, making Zephon temporarily stunned, which Moebius takes this
opportunity to steal back to tazer and run down the alleyway)
Raziel: (getting up) Gaffaga gafaganaga!
Zephon: Moebius hit me with a stick!
Raziel: Gashagganaga!
Zephon: I think he tazed you too hard, you're not making sense.
(then they chase after Moebius again and they see that Moebius got to a dead end.
They could also see that Moebius was also carrying Kain)
Raziel: Ha Moebius, we've got you now!
Moebius: Not quite.
(then Moebius used Vorador's superior abilities and jumped to the roof of the building
to his right)
Raziel: Well, son of a bitch.
(then Zephon simply climbed up the wall)
Raziel: There are no lines here, so I can't climb up the wall!
(then Raziel just hopped on whatever he could find till he got to the roof. When they
were both on the room, they could see that a tram leading to the Eternal Prison has
arrived and that Moebius was on it. Then the tram left)
Raziel: Dammit, we're too late!
Zephon: Not yet. Not when you can do whatever a Zephon can do!
(then Zephon, being the idiot that he is, ran to the end of the roof and jumped off it,
hoping he could shoot a web to stick to the tram like Spiderman would do.
Unfortunately, Zephon can't quite do that)
Zephon: (while in mid-air) Aw man! (then Zephon fell)
Raziel: (watching Zephon fall) Why couldn't I even stop Moebius!
(then a large tank appears behind him)
Raziel: What the...?
(then Turel climbed out of the top of the tank)
Turel: Am I too late?
Raziel: Yes.
Vorador's head: (from inside the tank) And I'm glad about it! You would've shot MY
body!
Turel: Yeah, I know. Kill Moebius and destroy Vorador's body. That's like killing to
people with one fang.
Raziel: Know he's off to the Eternal Prison!
Turel: Yay!
(then Turel and Raziel get into the tank and start moving forward)
Raziel: (in the tank) Turel?
Turel: (in the tank) Yes?
Raziel: (in the tank) How the hell did you get a tank on the top of a building anyway?
Turel: (in the tank) Just did. Heck, I can't even see where we're going now.
(then they accidentally drive the tank off the building)
Raziel: (inside the broken tank) Ow...
________________________________________________________
Well, that was the first chapter of my original work. I have now answered the most perplexing question since Blood Omen 2. Why Vorador's alive. It's because Vorador has a Neck of Darkness. Too bad I just made that up. So, send me a review and tell me what you think. So who do you think set up Kain? All shall be revealed eventually.
own LoK or any of its characters
_____________________________________________________
The scene is the Pillars (I really overuse this scene) and the lieutenants are
bored and Kain's pissed off...again
Kain: I'm pissed!
Raziel: What now?
Kain: Well, I'm bored. My life is dull!
Raziel: (sarcastically) Yes, I suppose the life of a time traveling vampire with a
rebellious son would get kind of tiring.
Kain: I need to go out and kill something.
Dumah: Ooh, can I go and kill stuff too?
Kain: Um...no. (then Kain heads to the door) This day couldn't get any worse.
(then when Kain opened the door Janos was on the other side of it, holding a pan)
Kain: Dammit! I hate you Janos!
Janos: (calling out to the lieutenants) I've baked cookies!
Turel: Chocolate chip!
Kain: Janos, you're like the mother they never had.
(then Kain left and Janos entered)
Janos: I thought you vamps might need some cookies.
Melchiah: Oh, awesome!
Dumah: Why are you being nice to us?
Janos: Because I have a date.
Rahab: With who?
Janos: The Seer.
Melchiah: (giggling) Yeah, she's a slut. She'll go with anyone.
Dumah: (to Melchiah) Yeah, even losers like you!
Melchiah: Yeah. (then Melchiah starts laughing again, but then he notices what Dumah
just said) What?
(meanwhile, Kain decided to go to his favorite restaurant-Meridian)
Kain: (while riding in a go-kart made of legos that Kain built) Something interesting
always happens in Meridian. Last time I went there, I found a memory recorder. I
wonder what'll happen this time? Maybe something exciting that I'll later get pissed off
about. That also always happens in Meridian.
(so Kain finally arrived in Meridian and was wondering around the streets, very very
very hungry)
Kain: I'm hungry. (then Kain grabs a Passerby 1)
Kain: Hey, can I kill you and drink your blood?
Passerby 1: No! (then Passerby 1 runs off)
Kain: Selfish!
(so Kain wanders about unbearingly hungry, so hungry that he feels as though he's
about to pass out. So hun-)
Kain: Enough already!
(then Kain looks around and finds a dead body. Well, Kain's was hungry and for some
odd reason, there was still blood left in the body!)
Kain: (looking at the dead person) Supper! (then, while drinking the blood) I'm such a
sucker for corpses.
(then, unbeknownst to Kain but now knownst to us, Moebius saw Kain drinking the
blood)
Moebius: Police! Police! (Moebius, you idiot, there are no police!) Oh yeah. Sarafan,
sarafan!
(then thousands of sarafan surround Kain, who's still drinking blood)
Kain: Yummy!
(then Moebius came up and kicked Kain)
Kain: (seeing Moebius) Hey you vile carbuncle-infested bastard! I was drin- (then Kain
saw the multiple sarafan) Hey, I was set up!
Moebius: Oh really...
Kain: (then Kain pulls out pepper spray) Aha! Just in case this happened! (then Kain
pressed the button. Too bad he had the can facing the wrong way and Kain's own eyes
got pepper sprayed) I really need to stop coming to Meridian and just enjoy being
bored.
Back at the Pillars...
Raziel: (while preening himself) Man, what would I do without you? You're everything
to me. You are someone I want to protect from all those jealous bastards. (Raziel is
looking at his reflection, of course)
(...and everyone else was watching T.V. including Janos and Vorador, who has his
head duck taped again, and who has also just gotten back from Meridian)
Rahab: I love this show!
Dumah: You're the only person I know whose favorite channel is the news channel!
Man you're so dull!
Zephon: I'm not dull! I'm hyper and dependable!
Dumah: Riiiiiiiiight...
(then the telephone rang. Where'd they get the telephone since Marcus stole the only
one in Nosgoth? I don't know)
Melchiah: (talking into the phone) Hello? Yes? Yes? Again! That always happens when
he goes there! Okay, we'll bail him out! Bye! (then Melchiah slams the phone down)
Rahab: What was that?
Melchiah: Razzygirl, come here!
Raziel: (while walking to the others) The least y'all could do is call me Razzyboy.
Melchiah: Anyway, Kain went to Meridian again.
Raziel: Why? Something bad always happens when he goes there.
Melchiah: He's getting a trial.
Janos: You mean they're trying to send him to jail! We must help him!
Dumah: Kain. Jail. Forever. Let's seize the moment!
Vorador: Yes Dumah, let's get him locked up so tight that he'll never come out!
Vorador and Dumah: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(the others just stare at him)
Raziel: If you 2 mess this up, we'll kill you!
Zephon: I bet you a banana pudding that we'll free him!
Dumah: You're on!
(so they all raced to Meridian and are now in the trial room)
Kain: Oh no! The 8 stupid avengers are here...
Raziel: Don't worry, we've got you covered. Besides, any sane and sensible judge will
be on our side.
Sarafan 1: All rise for Judge Moebius!
Raziel: Oh sh*#.
Moebius: Sit down everyone. The case today is about Kain killing someone. If he's
guilty, he'll rot.
Kain: I really hate these situations I get myself in. I really should stop coming here.
Lieutenants: We're witnesses.
Janos and Vorador: And us!
Kain: Listen, I'm gonna rot! I don't need you 8 to make things worse!
Raziel: Don't worry, we've got an ace-in-the-hole.
Vorador: No, it's pronounced a-s-s-h-o-l-e.
Raziel: Oh yeah. And Vorador's that guy.
Kain: I'm gonna die.
Lieutenants minus Dumah plus Janos: We are the defense!
Dumah and Vorador: We are working for the prosecution!
Kain: What!? Raziel, why'd you make them on the enemy's side!
Raziel: There he goes, blaming me again!
Moebius: Order! Shut up you dead smelly corpses!
Zephon: Ooh, that me!
Moebius: Who's going to be the first to defend Kain?
Raziel: I will!
Moebius: Step up to the box.
(Raziel steps up to the box)
Sarafan 2: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so
may God help your stupid scrupulous soul.
Raziel: Scrupulous?
Sarafan 2: Do you?
Raziel: Why, of course! I'm known for my honesty.
Sarafan 2: Okay. Start.
Raziel: First of all, I'd like to say that does Kain look like the kind of person that would
kill somebody? I mean, look at him. He's ugly as hell and dumb as a stump, so how
could he ever kill someone?
Random Person in Audience: He killed my aunt and uncle!
Raziel: Crap. That didn't work.
Kain: I'm going to die.
Raziel: I am his son, and as such I know this man Kain would NEVER hurt a fly!
(then Raziel gets zapped by lightning)
Raziel: What was that?
(then Raziel notices a metal helmet on his head)
Raziel: What?
Moebius: A lie detector.
Kain: (sighs) Why do I keep coming here and getting in trouble like this? It's annoying.
Raziel: Um...er...uh, I've said enough!
Moebius: Wait Raziel, it's OUR turn now!
Sarafan 1: Has Kain ever been unnecessarily mean to you?
Kain: Aw sh**!
Raziel: Um...(nervous laughter) Yes.
Sarafan 1: Can you tell us how many times?
Raziel: (almost crying cause he knows he's gonna get his dad killed) Well, when he
ripped of my wings, threw me into the abyss, shot me with the soul reaver...
(8 hours later)
Raziel: ...he blamed me for Dumah screwing up, he blamed me for him being on
this trial, and he blamed me for Dumah and Vorador working for the prosecution.
Moebius: I rest my case. You may go now.
(then Raziel ranto the others)
Raziel: (in a scarred tone) It didn't go well...
Moebius: Next up is Rahab!
Kain: Aw, Rehab's gonna screw up!
(Rahab stepped up to the box with a lie detector on)
Sarafan 2: Do you swear to do all that stuff that I said earlier that I won't pronounce
again because I'm lazy?
Rahab: Yes.
Moebius: Go ahead nerd.
Rahab: Um...my defense if that the blood was already drained and that the red
liquid was, in fact, red Gatorade.
(then Rahab got zapped)
Rahab: Forgot all about this thing.
Moebius: MY turn! Rahab, has Kain had a record of killing people before?
Rahab: (in a whiny tone) This isn't fair. Yes.
Moebius: I rest my case. Now go away geek. (then Rahab goes and sits down) Next up
is Zephon!
Zephon: (to Kain) Don't worry cause I have a trick up my sleeve that's guaranteed to
get you free.
Kain: (sighs)
(Zephon steps up to box, wears lie detector)
Moebius: Well idiot, what've you got to say?
Zephon: I want to call a witness!
Sarafan 2: Who?
Zephon: Judge Moebius! (using the whisper to Kain) Clever huh?
Kain: (using the whisper back) You're a dumbass.
Moebius: What do you want to ask me?
Zephon: Do you think Kain's really that bad of a vampire?
Moebius: Yes.
Zephon: (disappointed) Are you sure? I was hoping you would sat 'no.'
Moebius: He is a vampire, thus deserving to die.
Zephon: Ah. That didn't go well. I rest my case.
Meobius: Idiot. Next up is Melchiah!
Melchiah: I'm ready!
(then Melchiah goes to the box with a lie detector)
Moebius: How do you plead?
Melchiah: I think Kain is innocent!
Moebius: Do you have proof?
Melchiah: Yes! (zap!) But I do! (zap!) He wouldn't hurt anybody! (zap!) This lie detector
is broken! (zap!) Please, make it stop!
Moebius: Has Kain ever done anything bad?
Melchiah: Um...yes.
Kain: I won't make it out of here alive...
Moebius: Like what?
Melchiah: Well, once I had a pet hedgehog, up until Kain decided to play soccer with it.
Kain: (sighs)
Melchiah: I also had a pet lemming.
Kain: I'm not good with pets.
Melchiah: So Kain took my pet lemming on a trip. Lemmings love jumping off cliffs.
Then that bastard Kain led my pet lemming on a trip to the ledge of the abyss. I guess
you can bet what happened.
Kain: (sniggering) That was fun.
Moebius: That's it. I call the next vamp. Come on Janos!
(Janos steps up to the box with a lie detector on)
Janos: Ladies and gentlemen! I have a dream! That vampires and humans can get
along in harmony! I have a dream! That if humans and vampires can get along
together, there'll be no need for war. All will be good in Nosgoth. That means no more
unnecessary deaths! That is all!
Moebius: That was simply beautiful.
Janos: And a good start to this dream is to release Kain!
Moebius: That was stunning!
Janos: So will you let him go?
Moebius: It wasn't quite that stunning. Now leave you hippy. Next up is Dumah, who's
on the prosecutors' side.
(then Janos leaves and Dumah comes up)
Dumah: (mocking Janos) I have a wet dream! And it proves that male vampires and
human women can get along!
Zephon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dumah: But, Kain's a horrible bastard and doesn't deserve anything. That's all I have to
say.
Moebius: (while clapping) Bravo! Bravo! Excellent! Well, I guess that's it.
Raziel: Wait no! What about Vorador?
Moebius: Where is that perverted gimp?
(then the doors are busted open and Vorador's riding a horse, dressed like the Headless
Horseman, with a sword in the left hand and his own flaming head in the right)
Moebius: What the hell?
(everyone starts screaming and panicking)
Kain: Man, this is dull.
(then Vorador throws his flaming head at Moebius, knocking Moebius straight in the
head, knocking Moebius to the ground. Then Vorador swings his sword and charges at
Moebius and he cuts Moebius' head off, but then his horse trips and Vorador goes
falling to the ground. Then Moebius' head rolls onto Vorador's neck and Moebius gets
revived-in other words, Moebius' head is on Vorador's neck)
Moebius: (with his head attached to Vorador's neck) How am I alive? Huh, I know now!
I know why Vorador lived even without a head! Vorador has the ancient Neck of
Darkness! (so you can now imagine Moebius' head plastered on Vorador's neck)
Vorador's head: Give me my body back!
Moebius: Hahahaha!
(so, since there's nothing but chaos in the court room now, Moebius takes this
opportunity to run over to Kain)
Kain: Moebius, why do you have Vorador's body on?
(then Moebius shocks Kain unconscious with a tazer. Then Moebius carries Kain and
runs out of the court, using Vorador's superior vampire speed, and the lieutenants see
this)
Raziel: Oh crap! Come on guys let's catch him!
Zephon: A chase scene! Yay, these are so fun!
(then the lieutenants ran outside and could barely see how far Moebius ran)
Zephon: Let's hop in the limo and chase him down!
Raziel: No! Limo's too slow!
Zephon: How about my Beetle? It's green!
Raziel: No! Cars are too slow! We'll need something faster!
Zephon: Like what?
(Raziel looks around and spots something that he thinks is faster)
Raziel: Like those horses over there!
(then the lieutenants ran over to the horses)
Raziel: You first Zephon.
Zephon: Where's the door?
Rahab: Zephon has never ridden on a horse before. Zephon has no fear.
Raziel: There isn't one.
(then Zephon hops on the horse)
Zephon: I think my horse is broken!
Raziel: Why?
Zephon: The steering wheel is missing!
Raziel: There isn't a steering wheel!
Zephon: Then how do you steer the damn thing! I also can't find any wires to hot-wire
this thing. Can't find an engine either!
Raziel: There isn't an engine!
Zephon: Then how do you get it to go? (then Zephon gets a really bad idea) Hey, let's
hit it and see what happens!
(then Zephon hits the horse hard and the horse runs so fast that Zephon falls off it very
shortly after)
Dumah: Um, maybe y'all should just chase after him on foot.
Raziel: What about you?
Dumah: Hey, I'm glad this is happening.
Raziel: Who's all coming with me besides Zephon?
Turel: I will! I'll meet you on the other side of town! (then Turel runs off)
Rahab: What is he planning? Anyway, I can't cause I gotta stay here and beat the crap
out of Dumah for being an asshole, Melchiah can't because he'll fall apart to soon, and
Janos can't because he's trying to stop the chaos in the court room.
Raziel: Fine! Come Zephon!
(so then Raziel and Zephon chase after Moebius and sees Moebius behind a vehicle
down an alley. The vehicle is parked as a roadblock and Raziel jumps over the vehicle)
Raziel: Ha, found you! (then he notices he can't find Moebius)
Moebius: (taps Raziel on the shoulder, making Raziel face him) Hello! (then Moebius
zaps Raziel with the tazer and doesn't stop till Raziel spins a few times and falls on the
ground) Weak!
(then Moebius turns to run down the alleyway, but Zephon was right in front of him
because Zephon had ran up a wall of the alleyway and Zephon took this moment of
surprise and Zephon snatched the tazer)
Zephon: Ha! I got the tazer now, bitch! I've always wanted to sat that to you.
Moebius: Here's what I'll do. (then Moebius knocks Zephon upside the head with
Moebius' staff, making Zephon temporarily stunned, which Moebius takes this
opportunity to steal back to tazer and run down the alleyway)
Raziel: (getting up) Gaffaga gafaganaga!
Zephon: Moebius hit me with a stick!
Raziel: Gashagganaga!
Zephon: I think he tazed you too hard, you're not making sense.
(then they chase after Moebius again and they see that Moebius got to a dead end.
They could also see that Moebius was also carrying Kain)
Raziel: Ha Moebius, we've got you now!
Moebius: Not quite.
(then Moebius used Vorador's superior abilities and jumped to the roof of the building
to his right)
Raziel: Well, son of a bitch.
(then Zephon simply climbed up the wall)
Raziel: There are no lines here, so I can't climb up the wall!
(then Raziel just hopped on whatever he could find till he got to the roof. When they
were both on the room, they could see that a tram leading to the Eternal Prison has
arrived and that Moebius was on it. Then the tram left)
Raziel: Dammit, we're too late!
Zephon: Not yet. Not when you can do whatever a Zephon can do!
(then Zephon, being the idiot that he is, ran to the end of the roof and jumped off it,
hoping he could shoot a web to stick to the tram like Spiderman would do.
Unfortunately, Zephon can't quite do that)
Zephon: (while in mid-air) Aw man! (then Zephon fell)
Raziel: (watching Zephon fall) Why couldn't I even stop Moebius!
(then a large tank appears behind him)
Raziel: What the...?
(then Turel climbed out of the top of the tank)
Turel: Am I too late?
Raziel: Yes.
Vorador's head: (from inside the tank) And I'm glad about it! You would've shot MY
body!
Turel: Yeah, I know. Kill Moebius and destroy Vorador's body. That's like killing to
people with one fang.
Raziel: Know he's off to the Eternal Prison!
Turel: Yay!
(then Turel and Raziel get into the tank and start moving forward)
Raziel: (in the tank) Turel?
Turel: (in the tank) Yes?
Raziel: (in the tank) How the hell did you get a tank on the top of a building anyway?
Turel: (in the tank) Just did. Heck, I can't even see where we're going now.
(then they accidentally drive the tank off the building)
Raziel: (inside the broken tank) Ow...
________________________________________________________
Well, that was the first chapter of my original work. I have now answered the most perplexing question since Blood Omen 2. Why Vorador's alive. It's because Vorador has a Neck of Darkness. Too bad I just made that up. So, send me a review and tell me what you think. So who do you think set up Kain? All shall be revealed eventually.