Disclaimer: Don't own LoK or its characters and never will. With the
exception of
Mabes. I do own her. But I don't own any of the others.
_________________________________________________________
[The scene is still the island from the last chapter. Now all the Natives
worship Kain, whom they think is called Chips. The others now all serve
Chips.]
Kain: Native 1, bring me a T.V.
Native: Grrbbrrffrrddrr. (then Native 1 goes and fetches a T.V.)
Kain: I hate these people.
(then Raziel and Zephon and Rahab come up)
Kain: It's Fish and Zephon and whoever the hell you are!
Raziel: I'm Raziel!
Kain: Oh boo hoo, I forgot your name. You're so whiny.
Raziel: Let me at him!
(then Native 1 fetches a T.V. made solely out of coconuts and tree roots and turns it
on. Moebius, head still attached to Vorador's body, is on)
Moebius: And we are now after Kain. He is guilty of murder, grand theft, and
vandalism! (then someone whispers to Moebius) Excuse me, he's only guilty of murder.
I was thinking of someone else. (then someone throws a shoe a Moebius' head)
Kain: (seeing the three lieutenants have a wicked grin) Oh, no you bastards don't.
Native 1: Grrjkjrr?
Raziel: We won't tell anyone KAIN! No one will find out KAIN! Your secret's safe with all
of us KAIN!
Rahab: No one will find of KAIN!!! Native 1 will never figure out you're KAIN KIAN!
Zephon: Yeah, no one will ever find out CHIPS!
Rahab: You don't understand Zephon, we're trying to get Kain caught.
Zephon: Oh. Sorry. Sorry CHIPS! I didn't mean to call you CHIPS! Sorry Kain, I meant
to call you CHIPS but I was wrong!
Raziel: (annoyed sigh)
Native 1: (to Kain) You...Kain!?
Kain: (panicked) No, he's Kain! (pointing at Raziel)
Raziel: What!? No I'm not you son of a bi-(then Native 1 knocked out Raziel)
Native 1: Caught...Kain! Sorry...Chips.
Kain: It's alright!
Rahab: You lying old vampire. Tell them the truth!
Kain: Why?
Rahab: Cause it's the right thing to do.
Kain: Damn it Rehab, you sound like you came from Full House!
Rahab: I hate you!
Zephon: Yeah Chips!
Kain: I'm seriously getting tired of you Zephon!
(then Raziel was back)
Kain: What are you doing here?
Raziel: I escaped. Die! (then Raziel got out his reaver)
Kain: Since when did you have that?
Raziel: I forgot completely about it! I'm going to hate myself for a while now.
Kain: Dumah, come here!
Zephon: You mean Megalon!
Native 1: What...happening?
Rahab: Chips is really Kain.
Native 1: Must get him outta here!
(Dumah comes up)
Kain: Dumah, kill Raziel!
Zephon: It's Godzilla and Megalon!
Dumah: Finally, I get to kill Raziel!
Raziel: Die Dumah!
(so Raziel charged at Dumah, swinging his reaver and Dumah was so big that he just
held his hand to Raziel's head, easily stopping Raziel. So Raziel hit Dumah on the head
with a brick. Dumah stumbled and then dodged out of the way at a split second, while
Raziel swung his reaver. Kain was right behind Dumah)
Raziel: (seeing what he just did) Oh sh**, I am so dead...
Kain: (sees that Raziel just cut off Kain's left arm. Kain's eye twitches in anger) I loved
that arm. Me and that arm did everything together. We were inseperateable. What did I
just say? We were that word where you can't be separated. Or at least I thought we
were.
Raziel: Don't kill me...
Kain: Die!
(so then Kain tried to Immolate him but Zephon wasn't paying attention because he
was savoring banana pudding. So Zephon accidentally got Immolated. But this wasn't
normal)
Melchiah: Hey guys, what's goi-(sees a pile of ash and sees everyone but Zephon)
Damn! The hell?
Vorador's head: (seeing all this) Oh crap.
(all that was left was Zephon's left arm. And his pudding)
Raziel: Do you know what you just did!
Kain: Um...gave him a tan?
Raziel: You have just killed him!
Kain: (fascinated) You don't say...
Rahab: Something real bad's gonna happen to you.
(yep. No sooner did Z-F Kat come up, punched Kain in the face so hard that Kain
collapsed, breaking Kain's nose. Then she just disappeared)
Dumah: Who was that?
Raziel: Who knows? Probably just some crazed fan-girl.
Kain: Ouchies! (then Kain passes out)
Raziel: I can't believe Zephon's gone now.
Dumah: (has an incredibly great idea) I know a way so that we'll never forget about
Zephon! I know the perfect memory thingy where you remember people! I know the
perfect Zephon souvenir!
(so, while Kain was passed out, Dumah took Zephon's left arm and attached it to Kain's
left shoulder. Rahab made arrangements to leave. A few hours later, they were on a
massive ship headed for the Pillars. Kain finally woke up)
Kain: (groaning in pain) Ughh, what happened? (sees Zephon's arm attached to his left
shoulder) AHH!! Why is Zephon's arm on me!?
Raziel: So we'll never forget him.
Kain: (then he was a weird voice) Forget who?
Rahab: Zephon, you idiot!
Kain: (weird voice) What'd I do now?
Dumah: I think that fan-girl hit you too hard.
Kain: (weird voice) When did a fan-girl hit me? The last thing I remember is Kain
Immolating me while I was eating pudding! That bastard.
Lieutenants plus Vorador's head: O_O
Kain: (weird voice) What? Hey, where's Kain?
Rahab: Zephon, is that you!?
Zephon's voice: Of course, who would it be?
Rahab: Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you're supposed to be dead!
Zephon's voice: (in other words, it's Kain with Zephon's voice) What do you mean!?
Raziel: Kain killed you! Dumah, do you know what you did!?
Dumah: I think.
Zephon's voice: I live on through this arm! (flexes his left arm)
Melchiah: Oh...my...lord.
Kain: Yes?
Dumah: Go away Kain, get Zephon back out here!
Kain: So that's what was going on! I'm not sharing my body with that total idiot!
Zephon's voice: Don't call me an idiot, you asshole!
Kain: (covering his mouth) Oh no...
Raziel: See, that's what you get for killing him!
Zephon's voice: Hey, I can control Kain when I'm like this! Neat-o!
Kain: Get out of me!
Rahab: You know, this would make no sense if we didn't know what was going on.
Zephon's voice: Anyway, are we anywhere near land? How do you know where we're
going anyway?
Rahab: We have a map!
Kain: Dammit Zephon, don't make me beat you up!
Zephon's voice: Show me what you got!
(so then Kain punched himself in the head)
Zephon's voice: My turn!
(so then Kain threw himself against a door and beat his head into it. Then Kain
retaliated by tearing off a piece of wood and beating himself with it)
Kain: (exhausted tone) Ha, I'm winning!
(so Kain then decided that he would run headfirst into a pole, and Kain counterattacked
by jumping overboard)
Kain: It burns! Zephon you idiot!
Zephon's voice: You're just no fun anymore!
Raziel: What the hell is going on?
(the Kain climbed back onboard and he body slammed himself. So then Kain got up and
sucker-punched himself)
Zephon's voice: Ha, now I'm winning!
Kain: Not for long!
(so Kain put himself in a headlock, making him retaliate by giving himself a nuggy.
Well, Kain didn't like this and kicked himself in the back, making him release himself.
Then Kain decided he would try to win because he found a crowbar and bashed himself
on the head with it till Kain himself intervened and bashed his head into a conveniently
placed watermelon. Then Kain passed out)
Dumah: What the hell just happened?
Raziel: I think Kain and Zephon just got into a fight.
Rahab: Hey guys, we're heading off course.
Melchiah: What?
Rahab: Yeah. I can't control this thing anymore. And to make matters worse, we're
heading straight for Moebius' house!
Kain: (regaining consciousness) What!
(soon they were feet from Moebius' house)
Vorador's head: I'm gonna get my body back!
Kain: Hey, we can use Vorador's head as a scout party!
Zephon's voice: Good idea.
Kain: Damn it Zephon, I hate you! And now I'm literally stuck with you forever!
Vorador's head: You can't do this to me!
(so then they sling-shotted Vorador's head into Moebius' house)
Melchiah: We can hide there for a while!
Kain: What do you mean 'we?'
Raziel: Oh yeah, you'll have to hide Kain and Zephon. We're not wanted like Kain is.
Zephon's voice: Aww, I was wanting him to know that a think he's some gay pansy
momma's-boy!
Dumah: Sorry.
Kain: I have to be stuck here with him!
Zephon's voice: What's wrong with me?
Kain: Your stupidity will get us killed!
Zephon's voice: Oh yeah. Well, I'll try and not get us killed. (then he looks over the
boat and sees some money in the water below) MONEY!
(then Kain got flown over the boat)
Kain: (while falling) I really hate you Zephon.
Raziel: (hearing a splash) C'mon guys, let's go.
(so they enter the house and they are in the living room. Rahab spots stairs leading up)
Melchiah: This place looks lame. (then Melchiah sees Moebius on his hands and knees
playing with a toy truck) Oh my lord.
Moebius: (looks up and sees them) What are you doing here?
Raziel: Why do you still live in Vorador's body?
Moebius: It's more complete than mine.
Dumah: I don't want to know what that means.
Moebius: (in a very whiny voice) What do you want? I playing Fireman.
Dumah: Moebius is so stupid and annoying.
???: (from in the kitchen) What's going on Moebius?
Moebius: (hugging his teddy bear) Nothing mommy!
Raziel: You're like...over 300 years old or something and you STILL live with your
mommy? Okay...
Moebius: My mommy bakes me cookies.
Melchiah: With chocolate chips!?
Moebius: Yep. She's my angel mommy.
Dumah: Moebius, you are so sad and pathetic, you know that right?
Moebius: Mommy, I have guests!
???: Okay, I'm coming.
Raziel: (to Turel) His mommy. This aught to be a laugh. Bet she's some kind of butt-
ugly thing, you know?
Turel: (to Raziel) Yeah, this is gonna be a laugh.
(then Moebius' mom walked in. She was, in fact, the most beautiful thing they had ever
seen. She had the looks of a supermodel. She had the looks to stop people in their
tracks. And now they were all extra glad they were here)
Moebius: It's my mommy Mabes.
Raziel: I'm...(extremely nervous)...R-r-r-r-r-razispell.
Mabes: Razispell?
Raziel: Why did I just say that?
Dumah: Don't worry ma'am, we just call him Razzyboy. Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Dumah Royale Superstar IV. You can just call me Dumah.
Melchiah: What?
Dumah: (whispering to Melchiah) You see, girls get turned on by long names that could
have a royal status attached to them.
Melchiah: I'm Melchiah. (he shakes her hand and his arm falls off)
Dumah: (holding his laughter)
Melchiah: (picks up his arm and walks away embarrassed) I need some time alone.
Turel: Hey you saucy babe, Turel's the name. I have gotten awards for having the BEST
voice in all of Nosgoth.
Dumah: So good that he'll sing anything! How about Michael Jackson, huh? That is, if
you really can sing good.
Turel: (to Dumah) I hate you so badly and hope you get speared again by someone
thinking you're Moby Dick.
(then Turel wanders off. Dumah thinks he's got everyone, but then Rahab steps up)
Dumah: (to himself) Oh no, chicks dig brainiacs like him. Time to pull out big guns.
Rahab: Hello, I am-
Dumah: (to Rahab) Hey Rehab!
Rahab: Actually, my name is-
Dumah: What'cha doin' Rehab?
(then Rahab punches Dumah in the nose. Mabes jumps up and down cheering)
Rahab: O__O
Mabes: Yay, you beat up the bad guy!
Rahab: (puches Dumah on the nose)
(Mabes 'cheers' again)
Rahab: I think I'm gonna like this. So you don't like mean people?
Mabes: No, because THEY'RE MEAN! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE LOVELY! WOOHOO!
Melchiah: ?
Raziel: She drinks a lot of caffeine doesn't she!
Mabes: OH YES, I'M ADDIT-ADDIB-ADDICTED TO IT! YIPPE-YAY! (she 'cheers' again)
Raziel: O__O
Rahab: O__O
Melchiah: O__O
Dumah: Ow, my nose!
Rahab: (a blue exclamation mark appears above his head) Aha, I've always wanted that
to happen! Now if I can get a question mark...
Mabes: Who LIKES SUGAR!?
Raziel: (pulling out a bag of sugar) I have some!
Dumah: Where'd you get sugar from?
Mabes: (snatching the sugar) YAY! YUMMY-YUMMY!
Dumah: Why do you like sugar so much?
Melchiah: Cause she lives with Moebius! Something's gotta keep her going.
Raziel: Oh yeah! (to Mabes) Why is Moebius so anal?
Mabes: (super peppy) It's cause he's just entered PUBERTY! YAY!
Raziel: -_-
Dumah: I could've gone my whole life not knowing that he JUST NOW entered puberty.
Moebius: Mommy, only you, me, and Mr. Sunshine were supposed to know that!
Melchiah: What kind of gay name is Mr. Sunshine! Who's Mr. Sunshine?
Moebius: (holding up his Moebius plushie) This is Mr. Sunshine! (then Moebius runs up
stairs to his room crying)
Mabes: Who wants PIZZA!
Melchiah: Ooh, me!
Mabes: Pizza topped with CAFFEINE AND SUGAR, of course!
Rahab: Exactly how much sugar have you got?
Mabes: OH, OODLES AND OODLES!
Raziel: Right...
(just then Kain came in moon walking backwards and then switched to tap dancing to
impress Mabes)
Raziel: Yep, that's definitely Zephon. Only he could moon walk backwards!
Zephon's voice: (though Mabes hears Zephon's voice, she thinks it's Kain's voice) Hey
you sexy thing, you sexy thing you!
Kain: Zephon, you stupid dip-dong!
(and now, for a more weird effect, we will hear this argument the way Mabes hears it)
Kain: Hey you sexy thing, you sexy thing you! Zephon, you dip-dong! Hey, watch what
you're calling me, or I'll whoop you! Oh yeah? Yeah! Oh yeah? Yeah! Well I'll kill you!
Ha, I'll kill you till you die! I hate sharing a body with you! Yeah, well me too! Don't
make me hurt you! Hurt me! Dumbass! Cranky! I will kick your ass! Yeah, well I will
kick your ass too! Though I'll literally kick your ass!
(Kain literally kicks himself in the ass)
Kain: Ow you constipated wafer! Yeah, well I hate you! I hate you too! Yeah, but I'm so
smarter! You, smart!? Ha, you're dumb as a stump! Oh yeah? Yeah!
Mabes: Am I HIGH?
Kain: You're not high, Kain's just being an asshole! No I'm not! Yes you are! No I'm not!
Yes you are! I hate you! I hate you too!
Mabes: I'm CONFUSED! YAY!
(now we'll hear things normally again)
Zephon's voice: Now look what you've done! You've made her confused!
Kain: Me!?
Zephon's voice: Yes you! I always make perfect sense!
Raziel: Okay, both of you shut up! You're gonna make her more confused.
(then a door opened and out stepped Turel in black leather pants, white shirt, leather
jacket that opened, 1 white glove and curly hair with make-up on)
Dumah: Geheheheheheheehe!
Turel: (to Mabes in a deep growling voice) Hey hot momma. Well, I said I'd play a song
for you, and it's an MJ song thanks to assholeman Dumah.
Dumah: Play the song 'Bad!'
Mabes: I love THAT ONE! GEEHEE YAY!
Turel: (after punching Dumah in the head) Um, okay.
Zephon's voice: Allow me to be back-up.
(and so Kain got behind Turel and assumed a disco stance)
Turel: Um...right. (cue singing voice)
Your butt is mine
Gonna tell you right
Just show your face
In broad daylight
I'm telling you
Oh how I fell
Gonna hurt your mind
Don't shoot to kill
Come on
Lay it on me
Alright...why?
Zephon's voice: (picture Kain doing the backwards walk thing that MJ does)
Because he's BAD he's BAD!
Really really bad!
Turel: You know I'm bad, I'm bad! Come on, you know!
Zephon's voice: Really really bad!
Turel: And Nosgoth has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again
Who bad...
(then Turel jumped and fell to his knees putting his hand under his chin and Kain
behind him was pointing his claw in the air)
Kain: I dislike you Zephon.
Mabes: YAY! YAY YAY YAY! GOODY GOODY! TERRIFIC! YAY AWESOMENESS!
FANTABULOUS! NEAT-O FRITO! YIPPEE YAY! (then she started jumping up and down
like a crazy fan girl. She was so hyper that she jumped so high that she hit the ceiling
and crashed down to the ground) OUCHIES! LOOK-E BIRDIES! (then she passed out)
Zephon's voice: Um, maybe we should just go to Moebius' room till she wakes up.
Raziel: Not you though Zephon. You're in Kain's body so Moebius is gonna try to kill
you.
Zephon's voice: (feeling rejected) Okay then...I guess I'll hide outside...all alone
as well...and talk to myself...all alone.
Melchiah: Hey, you've got Kain with you!
Zephon's voice: (brightened up) Oh yeah! Hey Kain, let's play Tag! (he hit himself) Tag,
you're it!
Kain: (annoyed sigh) Why my body? Why me?
(then everyone except Kain and Dumah head upstairs)
Dumah: That's it. If I can't have her, they can't!
Kain: What are you gonna do?
Dumah: Get her drunk.
Zephon's voice: Oh no! Danger Raziel! Danger! Danger! Danger Raziel!
(so Razzyboy comes rushing down)
Raziel: Don't call me Razzyboy. (sees Dumah) Dumah, get your butt in here! Don't
know what you're planning.
Zephon's voice: Yes, I stopped an evil villain from doing something bad! Hey, that
makes me a superhero!
Kain: Zephon, just shut up.
(so everyone just waited in Moebius' room. Moebius had a bed with Power Rangers
sheets and posters of various superheroes up on his wall. He also had a rattle, crayons,
a bottle of milk, and a poster of Sting)
Moebius: (admiring the poster) Some day I'm gonna be just like you Sting.
Turel: You've got to learn to sing first.
Moebius: I can sing just fine. (then he starts singing in a scratchy, annoyingly high-
pitched voice, and he also was the type that breathed out his nose)
We are the champions my friennnnnnnd
And we'll keeeeeeep on fighting tiiiiiiill the eeeeeend
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
Cause we are the champions
Of the world!
Turel: _
Moebius: What do you think?
Turel: My lord, that was awful.
Moebius: But I can sing!
Melchiah: Man, you sung so badly that you sounded like Barbara Streisand. Or however
you say or spell her last name.
Moebius: Don't be mean!
Raziel: Hey Moebius, is your mom, you know, available?
Moebius: Yes, why?
Dumah: I am gonna go out with your mom and send her to heaven and back!
Raziel, Rahab, Melchiah, and Turel: Eww, you nasty bastard!
Moebius: You want to go out with my mom! Ewwie! She's got cooties!
Raziel: (starring at Moebius, realizing how pathetic he really is) Do you even know how
you were born?
Moebius: Yes. The stork!
Raziel: We need to have a talk.
(then they all heard a crashing sound downstairs)
Dumah: What was that?
Moebius: That's probably my mommy getting back up and running into things while she
fixes dinner. So Raziel, how was I born then?
Raziel: You see, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much-
Dumah: That don't have to love each other.
Raziel: Yes, that's true. Anyway, they wanna get close to each other, then...(so
Raziel whispers the rest into Moebius' ear)
Moebius: Eww! That sounds gross and icky!
Rahab: Trust me, it's more fun than it looks and sounds.
All 4: (to Rahab) O__O
Dumah: How would he know! He's a geek!
Rahab: It's not all looks, ya know. Personality counts.
Dumah: No it doesn't! It's all about the looks! That's why I'm gonna be the one to go
out with her! Haha!
Raziel: You are so dumb.
Mabes: (from downstairs) Supper's READY! SUGAR! SUGAR IS MY FRIEND!
Melchiah: Should I bring some tazers in case we need to calm her down?
Moebius: Yay! Supper! I hope it's that dinosaur ravioli where each piece is shaped like a
dinosaur. I wanna be a dino! Specially the Tyrano Rex. (then Moebius imitates a T. Rex
as he walks downstairs)
Turel: Something is seriously wrong with that man.
Raziel: Let's go.
(they all go except Turel)
Turel: (stealing the Sting poster) I think I'll just keep this. (and he's about to walk
downstairs when he sees a Spiderman poster) Zephon'll want that. (so Turel steals a
Spiderman poster and goes downstairs)
(and so Turel meets the others at the table and Mabes is hopping around as weird and
sugar-high as usual, when Kain sticks his head in a window behind Moebius)
Zephon's voice: Hey guys, I found something!
Moebius: Aaaa! What's that?
Raziel: Um, nothing.
Zephon's voice: I found a "magazine", if you know what I mean...
Moebius: thinking Oh no, they've found my "magazine." If mommy finds out then
I'm in trouble. She'll think I look at the pictures, but that's gross! I just read the
articles!
(Raziel goes to the window)
Raziel: Hehe, Moebius probably just reads the articles. He hasn't gotten to the "I like
girls" stage of his life yet.
Zephon's voice: Eww! Something's wrong with him! Hey, there's something you need to
read about in here Raziel.
Raziel: (reading the page aloud) "Want a woman to fall instantly in love with you? Well,
here's how! You can either read the 101 guaranteed pick-up lines or our hypnotizing
guide."
Zephon's voice: What do you think?
Raziel: 101 pick-up lines!? Awesome!
Kain: Razzyboy, you can never get the girl. Look at how scrawny you are! You can
literally see your ribs you're so scrawny!
Raziel: Nah-ah! (then Raziel sees his ribs) Aw crap, you're right.
Zephon's voice: Then hypnotize her!
Raziel: Awesome!
Kain: HEY MABES, RAZIEL'S GONNA TRY TO HYPNOTIZE YOU INTO GOING OUT WITH
HIM! JUST THOUGHT I'D WARN YOU!
Raziel: You son of a...
Zephon's voice: Don't worry. I've got this.
(then Kain punches himself hard in the head)
Mabes: (all excited) Yay, HYPNOTIZE! HYPNOTIZE ME INTO MARRYING SUGAR! THEN
ME AND A BLOCK OF SUGAR CAN HAVE KIDS! I'M SO EXCITED (then she started
'cheering' again and was, of course, hyper) That means ME AND SUGAR WILL BE ABLE
TO DO STUFF! I CAN WALK AROUND THE BLOCK WITH A PIECE OF SUGAR! YAY!
Dumah: ?
Turel: I don't know how to feel about her anymore.
Melchiah: Whatever happened to our food?
Mabes: WAIT! I can't marry a block of sugar BECAUSE I'M SEEING SOMEONE! YIPPEE
YAY! GEHEHEE!
Lieutenants: What!?
Dumah: So I've been screwing by brothers over for absolutely no reason!? Hey, this
feels nice.
Moebius: Who mommy?
(then Mabes opened a cookie jar with Vorador's head in it)
Vorador's head: Make him give me back my body!
Mabes: Meet my lover, Vorador's head!
Moebius: (whiny voice) But mommmmmmyyyyy, he my enemyyyyyyy.
Vorador's head: Look, I'll just be satisfied if Moebius gives me back my body. His
wrinkly skin on my green neck! That's not natural.
Mabes: Give him back his body.
Moebius: Okay mommy. Well, mommy knows best.
Mabes: YAY!
(she starts hopping up and down with the jar with Vorador's head in it till she
accidentally throws it out the window making it hit Kain's head)
Kain: (from outside) Ow! Vorador, you bastard.
Vorador's head: (also from outside) I'm sorry. No, don't hurt me. Ahh!!
Raziel: Kain, what happened?
Kain: I played soccer with his head!
Raziel: Why do you play soccer with everything! Now we're gonna have to leave thanks
to you!
Mabes: (while stuffing sugar cubes in her mouth) SUGAR IS MY FRIEND!
Raziel: Sorry babe, but we've gotta go! See ya!
(then they all run out to find Vorador's head except for Melchiah)
Melchiah: What happened to supper?
(then he left too)
Mabes: Who were THEY!? SUGAR, YUMMY!
Moebius: Oh nobody.
Mabes: C'mon Moebius, let's go give you a sponge bath.
Moebius: Yippee yay!
Mabes: (hyper) YIPPEE YAY!
______________________________________________________
Don't worry, Zephon will be revived, probably some time soon, but I did like the idea of
Zephon being able to control Kain's body whenever he wants, and that way he could
make Kain look stupid. Well, hope you like and, or course, review.
Mabes. I do own her. But I don't own any of the others.
_________________________________________________________
[The scene is still the island from the last chapter. Now all the Natives
worship Kain, whom they think is called Chips. The others now all serve
Chips.]
Kain: Native 1, bring me a T.V.
Native: Grrbbrrffrrddrr. (then Native 1 goes and fetches a T.V.)
Kain: I hate these people.
(then Raziel and Zephon and Rahab come up)
Kain: It's Fish and Zephon and whoever the hell you are!
Raziel: I'm Raziel!
Kain: Oh boo hoo, I forgot your name. You're so whiny.
Raziel: Let me at him!
(then Native 1 fetches a T.V. made solely out of coconuts and tree roots and turns it
on. Moebius, head still attached to Vorador's body, is on)
Moebius: And we are now after Kain. He is guilty of murder, grand theft, and
vandalism! (then someone whispers to Moebius) Excuse me, he's only guilty of murder.
I was thinking of someone else. (then someone throws a shoe a Moebius' head)
Kain: (seeing the three lieutenants have a wicked grin) Oh, no you bastards don't.
Native 1: Grrjkjrr?
Raziel: We won't tell anyone KAIN! No one will find out KAIN! Your secret's safe with all
of us KAIN!
Rahab: No one will find of KAIN!!! Native 1 will never figure out you're KAIN KIAN!
Zephon: Yeah, no one will ever find out CHIPS!
Rahab: You don't understand Zephon, we're trying to get Kain caught.
Zephon: Oh. Sorry. Sorry CHIPS! I didn't mean to call you CHIPS! Sorry Kain, I meant
to call you CHIPS but I was wrong!
Raziel: (annoyed sigh)
Native 1: (to Kain) You...Kain!?
Kain: (panicked) No, he's Kain! (pointing at Raziel)
Raziel: What!? No I'm not you son of a bi-(then Native 1 knocked out Raziel)
Native 1: Caught...Kain! Sorry...Chips.
Kain: It's alright!
Rahab: You lying old vampire. Tell them the truth!
Kain: Why?
Rahab: Cause it's the right thing to do.
Kain: Damn it Rehab, you sound like you came from Full House!
Rahab: I hate you!
Zephon: Yeah Chips!
Kain: I'm seriously getting tired of you Zephon!
(then Raziel was back)
Kain: What are you doing here?
Raziel: I escaped. Die! (then Raziel got out his reaver)
Kain: Since when did you have that?
Raziel: I forgot completely about it! I'm going to hate myself for a while now.
Kain: Dumah, come here!
Zephon: You mean Megalon!
Native 1: What...happening?
Rahab: Chips is really Kain.
Native 1: Must get him outta here!
(Dumah comes up)
Kain: Dumah, kill Raziel!
Zephon: It's Godzilla and Megalon!
Dumah: Finally, I get to kill Raziel!
Raziel: Die Dumah!
(so Raziel charged at Dumah, swinging his reaver and Dumah was so big that he just
held his hand to Raziel's head, easily stopping Raziel. So Raziel hit Dumah on the head
with a brick. Dumah stumbled and then dodged out of the way at a split second, while
Raziel swung his reaver. Kain was right behind Dumah)
Raziel: (seeing what he just did) Oh sh**, I am so dead...
Kain: (sees that Raziel just cut off Kain's left arm. Kain's eye twitches in anger) I loved
that arm. Me and that arm did everything together. We were inseperateable. What did I
just say? We were that word where you can't be separated. Or at least I thought we
were.
Raziel: Don't kill me...
Kain: Die!
(so then Kain tried to Immolate him but Zephon wasn't paying attention because he
was savoring banana pudding. So Zephon accidentally got Immolated. But this wasn't
normal)
Melchiah: Hey guys, what's goi-(sees a pile of ash and sees everyone but Zephon)
Damn! The hell?
Vorador's head: (seeing all this) Oh crap.
(all that was left was Zephon's left arm. And his pudding)
Raziel: Do you know what you just did!
Kain: Um...gave him a tan?
Raziel: You have just killed him!
Kain: (fascinated) You don't say...
Rahab: Something real bad's gonna happen to you.
(yep. No sooner did Z-F Kat come up, punched Kain in the face so hard that Kain
collapsed, breaking Kain's nose. Then she just disappeared)
Dumah: Who was that?
Raziel: Who knows? Probably just some crazed fan-girl.
Kain: Ouchies! (then Kain passes out)
Raziel: I can't believe Zephon's gone now.
Dumah: (has an incredibly great idea) I know a way so that we'll never forget about
Zephon! I know the perfect memory thingy where you remember people! I know the
perfect Zephon souvenir!
(so, while Kain was passed out, Dumah took Zephon's left arm and attached it to Kain's
left shoulder. Rahab made arrangements to leave. A few hours later, they were on a
massive ship headed for the Pillars. Kain finally woke up)
Kain: (groaning in pain) Ughh, what happened? (sees Zephon's arm attached to his left
shoulder) AHH!! Why is Zephon's arm on me!?
Raziel: So we'll never forget him.
Kain: (then he was a weird voice) Forget who?
Rahab: Zephon, you idiot!
Kain: (weird voice) What'd I do now?
Dumah: I think that fan-girl hit you too hard.
Kain: (weird voice) When did a fan-girl hit me? The last thing I remember is Kain
Immolating me while I was eating pudding! That bastard.
Lieutenants plus Vorador's head: O_O
Kain: (weird voice) What? Hey, where's Kain?
Rahab: Zephon, is that you!?
Zephon's voice: Of course, who would it be?
Rahab: Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you're supposed to be dead!
Zephon's voice: (in other words, it's Kain with Zephon's voice) What do you mean!?
Raziel: Kain killed you! Dumah, do you know what you did!?
Dumah: I think.
Zephon's voice: I live on through this arm! (flexes his left arm)
Melchiah: Oh...my...lord.
Kain: Yes?
Dumah: Go away Kain, get Zephon back out here!
Kain: So that's what was going on! I'm not sharing my body with that total idiot!
Zephon's voice: Don't call me an idiot, you asshole!
Kain: (covering his mouth) Oh no...
Raziel: See, that's what you get for killing him!
Zephon's voice: Hey, I can control Kain when I'm like this! Neat-o!
Kain: Get out of me!
Rahab: You know, this would make no sense if we didn't know what was going on.
Zephon's voice: Anyway, are we anywhere near land? How do you know where we're
going anyway?
Rahab: We have a map!
Kain: Dammit Zephon, don't make me beat you up!
Zephon's voice: Show me what you got!
(so then Kain punched himself in the head)
Zephon's voice: My turn!
(so then Kain threw himself against a door and beat his head into it. Then Kain
retaliated by tearing off a piece of wood and beating himself with it)
Kain: (exhausted tone) Ha, I'm winning!
(so Kain then decided that he would run headfirst into a pole, and Kain counterattacked
by jumping overboard)
Kain: It burns! Zephon you idiot!
Zephon's voice: You're just no fun anymore!
Raziel: What the hell is going on?
(the Kain climbed back onboard and he body slammed himself. So then Kain got up and
sucker-punched himself)
Zephon's voice: Ha, now I'm winning!
Kain: Not for long!
(so Kain put himself in a headlock, making him retaliate by giving himself a nuggy.
Well, Kain didn't like this and kicked himself in the back, making him release himself.
Then Kain decided he would try to win because he found a crowbar and bashed himself
on the head with it till Kain himself intervened and bashed his head into a conveniently
placed watermelon. Then Kain passed out)
Dumah: What the hell just happened?
Raziel: I think Kain and Zephon just got into a fight.
Rahab: Hey guys, we're heading off course.
Melchiah: What?
Rahab: Yeah. I can't control this thing anymore. And to make matters worse, we're
heading straight for Moebius' house!
Kain: (regaining consciousness) What!
(soon they were feet from Moebius' house)
Vorador's head: I'm gonna get my body back!
Kain: Hey, we can use Vorador's head as a scout party!
Zephon's voice: Good idea.
Kain: Damn it Zephon, I hate you! And now I'm literally stuck with you forever!
Vorador's head: You can't do this to me!
(so then they sling-shotted Vorador's head into Moebius' house)
Melchiah: We can hide there for a while!
Kain: What do you mean 'we?'
Raziel: Oh yeah, you'll have to hide Kain and Zephon. We're not wanted like Kain is.
Zephon's voice: Aww, I was wanting him to know that a think he's some gay pansy
momma's-boy!
Dumah: Sorry.
Kain: I have to be stuck here with him!
Zephon's voice: What's wrong with me?
Kain: Your stupidity will get us killed!
Zephon's voice: Oh yeah. Well, I'll try and not get us killed. (then he looks over the
boat and sees some money in the water below) MONEY!
(then Kain got flown over the boat)
Kain: (while falling) I really hate you Zephon.
Raziel: (hearing a splash) C'mon guys, let's go.
(so they enter the house and they are in the living room. Rahab spots stairs leading up)
Melchiah: This place looks lame. (then Melchiah sees Moebius on his hands and knees
playing with a toy truck) Oh my lord.
Moebius: (looks up and sees them) What are you doing here?
Raziel: Why do you still live in Vorador's body?
Moebius: It's more complete than mine.
Dumah: I don't want to know what that means.
Moebius: (in a very whiny voice) What do you want? I playing Fireman.
Dumah: Moebius is so stupid and annoying.
???: (from in the kitchen) What's going on Moebius?
Moebius: (hugging his teddy bear) Nothing mommy!
Raziel: You're like...over 300 years old or something and you STILL live with your
mommy? Okay...
Moebius: My mommy bakes me cookies.
Melchiah: With chocolate chips!?
Moebius: Yep. She's my angel mommy.
Dumah: Moebius, you are so sad and pathetic, you know that right?
Moebius: Mommy, I have guests!
???: Okay, I'm coming.
Raziel: (to Turel) His mommy. This aught to be a laugh. Bet she's some kind of butt-
ugly thing, you know?
Turel: (to Raziel) Yeah, this is gonna be a laugh.
(then Moebius' mom walked in. She was, in fact, the most beautiful thing they had ever
seen. She had the looks of a supermodel. She had the looks to stop people in their
tracks. And now they were all extra glad they were here)
Moebius: It's my mommy Mabes.
Raziel: I'm...(extremely nervous)...R-r-r-r-r-razispell.
Mabes: Razispell?
Raziel: Why did I just say that?
Dumah: Don't worry ma'am, we just call him Razzyboy. Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Dumah Royale Superstar IV. You can just call me Dumah.
Melchiah: What?
Dumah: (whispering to Melchiah) You see, girls get turned on by long names that could
have a royal status attached to them.
Melchiah: I'm Melchiah. (he shakes her hand and his arm falls off)
Dumah: (holding his laughter)
Melchiah: (picks up his arm and walks away embarrassed) I need some time alone.
Turel: Hey you saucy babe, Turel's the name. I have gotten awards for having the BEST
voice in all of Nosgoth.
Dumah: So good that he'll sing anything! How about Michael Jackson, huh? That is, if
you really can sing good.
Turel: (to Dumah) I hate you so badly and hope you get speared again by someone
thinking you're Moby Dick.
(then Turel wanders off. Dumah thinks he's got everyone, but then Rahab steps up)
Dumah: (to himself) Oh no, chicks dig brainiacs like him. Time to pull out big guns.
Rahab: Hello, I am-
Dumah: (to Rahab) Hey Rehab!
Rahab: Actually, my name is-
Dumah: What'cha doin' Rehab?
(then Rahab punches Dumah in the nose. Mabes jumps up and down cheering)
Rahab: O__O
Mabes: Yay, you beat up the bad guy!
Rahab: (puches Dumah on the nose)
(Mabes 'cheers' again)
Rahab: I think I'm gonna like this. So you don't like mean people?
Mabes: No, because THEY'RE MEAN! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE LOVELY! WOOHOO!
Melchiah: ?
Raziel: She drinks a lot of caffeine doesn't she!
Mabes: OH YES, I'M ADDIT-ADDIB-ADDICTED TO IT! YIPPE-YAY! (she 'cheers' again)
Raziel: O__O
Rahab: O__O
Melchiah: O__O
Dumah: Ow, my nose!
Rahab: (a blue exclamation mark appears above his head) Aha, I've always wanted that
to happen! Now if I can get a question mark...
Mabes: Who LIKES SUGAR!?
Raziel: (pulling out a bag of sugar) I have some!
Dumah: Where'd you get sugar from?
Mabes: (snatching the sugar) YAY! YUMMY-YUMMY!
Dumah: Why do you like sugar so much?
Melchiah: Cause she lives with Moebius! Something's gotta keep her going.
Raziel: Oh yeah! (to Mabes) Why is Moebius so anal?
Mabes: (super peppy) It's cause he's just entered PUBERTY! YAY!
Raziel: -_-
Dumah: I could've gone my whole life not knowing that he JUST NOW entered puberty.
Moebius: Mommy, only you, me, and Mr. Sunshine were supposed to know that!
Melchiah: What kind of gay name is Mr. Sunshine! Who's Mr. Sunshine?
Moebius: (holding up his Moebius plushie) This is Mr. Sunshine! (then Moebius runs up
stairs to his room crying)
Mabes: Who wants PIZZA!
Melchiah: Ooh, me!
Mabes: Pizza topped with CAFFEINE AND SUGAR, of course!
Rahab: Exactly how much sugar have you got?
Mabes: OH, OODLES AND OODLES!
Raziel: Right...
(just then Kain came in moon walking backwards and then switched to tap dancing to
impress Mabes)
Raziel: Yep, that's definitely Zephon. Only he could moon walk backwards!
Zephon's voice: (though Mabes hears Zephon's voice, she thinks it's Kain's voice) Hey
you sexy thing, you sexy thing you!
Kain: Zephon, you stupid dip-dong!
(and now, for a more weird effect, we will hear this argument the way Mabes hears it)
Kain: Hey you sexy thing, you sexy thing you! Zephon, you dip-dong! Hey, watch what
you're calling me, or I'll whoop you! Oh yeah? Yeah! Oh yeah? Yeah! Well I'll kill you!
Ha, I'll kill you till you die! I hate sharing a body with you! Yeah, well me too! Don't
make me hurt you! Hurt me! Dumbass! Cranky! I will kick your ass! Yeah, well I will
kick your ass too! Though I'll literally kick your ass!
(Kain literally kicks himself in the ass)
Kain: Ow you constipated wafer! Yeah, well I hate you! I hate you too! Yeah, but I'm so
smarter! You, smart!? Ha, you're dumb as a stump! Oh yeah? Yeah!
Mabes: Am I HIGH?
Kain: You're not high, Kain's just being an asshole! No I'm not! Yes you are! No I'm not!
Yes you are! I hate you! I hate you too!
Mabes: I'm CONFUSED! YAY!
(now we'll hear things normally again)
Zephon's voice: Now look what you've done! You've made her confused!
Kain: Me!?
Zephon's voice: Yes you! I always make perfect sense!
Raziel: Okay, both of you shut up! You're gonna make her more confused.
(then a door opened and out stepped Turel in black leather pants, white shirt, leather
jacket that opened, 1 white glove and curly hair with make-up on)
Dumah: Geheheheheheheehe!
Turel: (to Mabes in a deep growling voice) Hey hot momma. Well, I said I'd play a song
for you, and it's an MJ song thanks to assholeman Dumah.
Dumah: Play the song 'Bad!'
Mabes: I love THAT ONE! GEEHEE YAY!
Turel: (after punching Dumah in the head) Um, okay.
Zephon's voice: Allow me to be back-up.
(and so Kain got behind Turel and assumed a disco stance)
Turel: Um...right. (cue singing voice)
Your butt is mine
Gonna tell you right
Just show your face
In broad daylight
I'm telling you
Oh how I fell
Gonna hurt your mind
Don't shoot to kill
Come on
Lay it on me
Alright...why?
Zephon's voice: (picture Kain doing the backwards walk thing that MJ does)
Because he's BAD he's BAD!
Really really bad!
Turel: You know I'm bad, I'm bad! Come on, you know!
Zephon's voice: Really really bad!
Turel: And Nosgoth has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again
Who bad...
(then Turel jumped and fell to his knees putting his hand under his chin and Kain
behind him was pointing his claw in the air)
Kain: I dislike you Zephon.
Mabes: YAY! YAY YAY YAY! GOODY GOODY! TERRIFIC! YAY AWESOMENESS!
FANTABULOUS! NEAT-O FRITO! YIPPEE YAY! (then she started jumping up and down
like a crazy fan girl. She was so hyper that she jumped so high that she hit the ceiling
and crashed down to the ground) OUCHIES! LOOK-E BIRDIES! (then she passed out)
Zephon's voice: Um, maybe we should just go to Moebius' room till she wakes up.
Raziel: Not you though Zephon. You're in Kain's body so Moebius is gonna try to kill
you.
Zephon's voice: (feeling rejected) Okay then...I guess I'll hide outside...all alone
as well...and talk to myself...all alone.
Melchiah: Hey, you've got Kain with you!
Zephon's voice: (brightened up) Oh yeah! Hey Kain, let's play Tag! (he hit himself) Tag,
you're it!
Kain: (annoyed sigh) Why my body? Why me?
(then everyone except Kain and Dumah head upstairs)
Dumah: That's it. If I can't have her, they can't!
Kain: What are you gonna do?
Dumah: Get her drunk.
Zephon's voice: Oh no! Danger Raziel! Danger! Danger! Danger Raziel!
(so Razzyboy comes rushing down)
Raziel: Don't call me Razzyboy. (sees Dumah) Dumah, get your butt in here! Don't
know what you're planning.
Zephon's voice: Yes, I stopped an evil villain from doing something bad! Hey, that
makes me a superhero!
Kain: Zephon, just shut up.
(so everyone just waited in Moebius' room. Moebius had a bed with Power Rangers
sheets and posters of various superheroes up on his wall. He also had a rattle, crayons,
a bottle of milk, and a poster of Sting)
Moebius: (admiring the poster) Some day I'm gonna be just like you Sting.
Turel: You've got to learn to sing first.
Moebius: I can sing just fine. (then he starts singing in a scratchy, annoyingly high-
pitched voice, and he also was the type that breathed out his nose)
We are the champions my friennnnnnnd
And we'll keeeeeeep on fighting tiiiiiiill the eeeeeend
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
Cause we are the champions
Of the world!
Turel: _
Moebius: What do you think?
Turel: My lord, that was awful.
Moebius: But I can sing!
Melchiah: Man, you sung so badly that you sounded like Barbara Streisand. Or however
you say or spell her last name.
Moebius: Don't be mean!
Raziel: Hey Moebius, is your mom, you know, available?
Moebius: Yes, why?
Dumah: I am gonna go out with your mom and send her to heaven and back!
Raziel, Rahab, Melchiah, and Turel: Eww, you nasty bastard!
Moebius: You want to go out with my mom! Ewwie! She's got cooties!
Raziel: (starring at Moebius, realizing how pathetic he really is) Do you even know how
you were born?
Moebius: Yes. The stork!
Raziel: We need to have a talk.
(then they all heard a crashing sound downstairs)
Dumah: What was that?
Moebius: That's probably my mommy getting back up and running into things while she
fixes dinner. So Raziel, how was I born then?
Raziel: You see, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much-
Dumah: That don't have to love each other.
Raziel: Yes, that's true. Anyway, they wanna get close to each other, then...(so
Raziel whispers the rest into Moebius' ear)
Moebius: Eww! That sounds gross and icky!
Rahab: Trust me, it's more fun than it looks and sounds.
All 4: (to Rahab) O__O
Dumah: How would he know! He's a geek!
Rahab: It's not all looks, ya know. Personality counts.
Dumah: No it doesn't! It's all about the looks! That's why I'm gonna be the one to go
out with her! Haha!
Raziel: You are so dumb.
Mabes: (from downstairs) Supper's READY! SUGAR! SUGAR IS MY FRIEND!
Melchiah: Should I bring some tazers in case we need to calm her down?
Moebius: Yay! Supper! I hope it's that dinosaur ravioli where each piece is shaped like a
dinosaur. I wanna be a dino! Specially the Tyrano Rex. (then Moebius imitates a T. Rex
as he walks downstairs)
Turel: Something is seriously wrong with that man.
Raziel: Let's go.
(they all go except Turel)
Turel: (stealing the Sting poster) I think I'll just keep this. (and he's about to walk
downstairs when he sees a Spiderman poster) Zephon'll want that. (so Turel steals a
Spiderman poster and goes downstairs)
(and so Turel meets the others at the table and Mabes is hopping around as weird and
sugar-high as usual, when Kain sticks his head in a window behind Moebius)
Zephon's voice: Hey guys, I found something!
Moebius: Aaaa! What's that?
Raziel: Um, nothing.
Zephon's voice: I found a "magazine", if you know what I mean...
Moebius: thinking Oh no, they've found my "magazine." If mommy finds out then
I'm in trouble. She'll think I look at the pictures, but that's gross! I just read the
articles!
(Raziel goes to the window)
Raziel: Hehe, Moebius probably just reads the articles. He hasn't gotten to the "I like
girls" stage of his life yet.
Zephon's voice: Eww! Something's wrong with him! Hey, there's something you need to
read about in here Raziel.
Raziel: (reading the page aloud) "Want a woman to fall instantly in love with you? Well,
here's how! You can either read the 101 guaranteed pick-up lines or our hypnotizing
guide."
Zephon's voice: What do you think?
Raziel: 101 pick-up lines!? Awesome!
Kain: Razzyboy, you can never get the girl. Look at how scrawny you are! You can
literally see your ribs you're so scrawny!
Raziel: Nah-ah! (then Raziel sees his ribs) Aw crap, you're right.
Zephon's voice: Then hypnotize her!
Raziel: Awesome!
Kain: HEY MABES, RAZIEL'S GONNA TRY TO HYPNOTIZE YOU INTO GOING OUT WITH
HIM! JUST THOUGHT I'D WARN YOU!
Raziel: You son of a...
Zephon's voice: Don't worry. I've got this.
(then Kain punches himself hard in the head)
Mabes: (all excited) Yay, HYPNOTIZE! HYPNOTIZE ME INTO MARRYING SUGAR! THEN
ME AND A BLOCK OF SUGAR CAN HAVE KIDS! I'M SO EXCITED (then she started
'cheering' again and was, of course, hyper) That means ME AND SUGAR WILL BE ABLE
TO DO STUFF! I CAN WALK AROUND THE BLOCK WITH A PIECE OF SUGAR! YAY!
Dumah: ?
Turel: I don't know how to feel about her anymore.
Melchiah: Whatever happened to our food?
Mabes: WAIT! I can't marry a block of sugar BECAUSE I'M SEEING SOMEONE! YIPPEE
YAY! GEHEHEE!
Lieutenants: What!?
Dumah: So I've been screwing by brothers over for absolutely no reason!? Hey, this
feels nice.
Moebius: Who mommy?
(then Mabes opened a cookie jar with Vorador's head in it)
Vorador's head: Make him give me back my body!
Mabes: Meet my lover, Vorador's head!
Moebius: (whiny voice) But mommmmmmyyyyy, he my enemyyyyyyy.
Vorador's head: Look, I'll just be satisfied if Moebius gives me back my body. His
wrinkly skin on my green neck! That's not natural.
Mabes: Give him back his body.
Moebius: Okay mommy. Well, mommy knows best.
Mabes: YAY!
(she starts hopping up and down with the jar with Vorador's head in it till she
accidentally throws it out the window making it hit Kain's head)
Kain: (from outside) Ow! Vorador, you bastard.
Vorador's head: (also from outside) I'm sorry. No, don't hurt me. Ahh!!
Raziel: Kain, what happened?
Kain: I played soccer with his head!
Raziel: Why do you play soccer with everything! Now we're gonna have to leave thanks
to you!
Mabes: (while stuffing sugar cubes in her mouth) SUGAR IS MY FRIEND!
Raziel: Sorry babe, but we've gotta go! See ya!
(then they all run out to find Vorador's head except for Melchiah)
Melchiah: What happened to supper?
(then he left too)
Mabes: Who were THEY!? SUGAR, YUMMY!
Moebius: Oh nobody.
Mabes: C'mon Moebius, let's go give you a sponge bath.
Moebius: Yippee yay!
Mabes: (hyper) YIPPEE YAY!
______________________________________________________
Don't worry, Zephon will be revived, probably some time soon, but I did like the idea of
Zephon being able to control Kain's body whenever he wants, and that way he could
make Kain look stupid. Well, hope you like and, or course, review.