Disclaimer: No own LoK and no own its characters
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[The scene is, where else?, the Pillars and Rahab is reading a book to
everyone except Dumah who was out beating the sh** out of people, Kain,
who was sleeping, and Umah who no one knew were she was]
Rahab: (reading aloud to the others) ...and so Curious George rolled on his ball till
he fell asleep. The end.
Melchiah: I love that book!
Turel: Yeah and I liked the surprise ending. I thought that monkey would've got killed
for sure!
Raziel: By who?
Turel: That army major guy. I thought he would have KILLED that monkey!
Janos: (he found his way back to the Pillars) Yeah, good old George!
Vorador: (his head's attached to Moebius' body) That damn monkey! The major should
just blow his ass away!
Melchiah: (shrieks) That monkey is my idol, thank you so very much!
Vorador: If I was that major guy, I would've gotten my shotgun and blow his freakin'
brains out!
Melchiah: NO-OO-OO-OO!!
Raziel: Vorry, stop being an ass.
Vorador: HEY! Don't call me Vorry. Stupid Razzyboy.
Rahab: What should I read next?
Melchiah: Make Vorador apologize for what he said about George!
Vorador: I am not going to apologize. I really would've killed that monkey. Killing it
would save a lot of trouble.
Raziel: Fortunately you're NOT that major.
Vorador: Baah, this is all fake.
Melchiah: It's not fake!!!
Janos: Stop being mean Vorador.
Vorador: Oh come on! This is as fake as Santa Clause!
Melchiah: Santa Clause is NOT FAKE! (then Melchiah tackled Vorador and beat the crap
outta him)
Rahab: Hehehehehehe.
Raziel: What next?
Janos: Ooh, I know! How about that heart-warming novel Go Dog Go?
Rahab: If you can find it.
Janos: What does that mean?
Rahab: Ever since Vorador came here, it's been missing.
(then Janos grabs Vorador away from Melchiah)
Vorador: Thank you.
(then Janos lifted Vorador up by the throat)
Janos: (in an evil, threatening voice) Where is Go Dog Go?
Vorador: Umm...
Janos: (still threatening voice) Where is that book? I LOVE that book. And if you hid it,
I'm going to kill you so badly that you'll think you are dead.
Vorador: (thinking about what he just said) That doesn't make much sense.
(Raziel hands Janos a monkey wrench)
Janos: Thanks Razzyboy.
Raziel: DON'T call me Razzyboy!
(then Dumah rushed in with something shiny in his hands and he was very excited)
Dumah: You guys, guess what I found while I was out beating the sh** out of people!?
Rahab: What?
Dumah: A portable time-streaming device!
Raziel: A portable time-streaming device? Wow, let's use it!
Janos: (putting down Vorador) I know the perfect time to go back to! We can go back
to before Vorador came over and then I can find Go Dog Go!
Raziel: No no no no! I have a better plan!
Dumah: Yeah! We can go back in the past and kill human Kain!
Raziel: No! We can go back a few days ago and find out who framed Kain!
[well, Kain was having a good dream. He was dreaming that he was the lord of Nosgoth
and was beating people up like rag-dolls and that he had a favorite son named Dumah.
Of course, this is all true, but it's still a good dream. But the good dream was shattered
when someone woke him up]
Turel: Kain, wake up!
Kain: I have a sinus headache. Go away.
Zephon's voice: Scrooge! Anyway, what've you guys got?
(they handed him the portable time-streaming device)
Kain: (eyes lit up) A portable time-streaming device? Awesome! Who found it?
Dumah: Me.
Kain: I should've known that my FAVORITE SON would've been the one to find
something this good. Only my FAVORITE SON could be so awesome unlike my LEAST
FAVORITE SON who shall remain nameless whose name is Razzyboy.
Raziel: My daddy doesn't love me!
(then Razzyboy was upset)
Raziel: (pissed off) Hey, don't call me Razzyboy!
(at least you're not upset anymore)
Raziel: True.
Kain: What should I do?
Raziel: Go back a few days ago and see who framed you!
Kain: Great idea my favorite son Dumah!
Raziel: But Dumah didn't say a thing! He's just standing there like a retard!
Kain: Yes, but he obviously gave you the good idea!
Turel: Yay!
(then Kain got up and gathered the lieutenants)
Janos: What about us?
Kain: You stay and look after Umah. I'm getting nightmares that she might actually be
pregnant someday.
Vorador: Fine!
Rahab: And don't mess with my books while we're gone!
Vorador: I won't.
Kain: Okay, let's go to a few days from now!
(then Kain pressed a button and him and the lieutenants disappeared)
[The scene was now a ship and it was on water heading toward a city and there were a
ton of boxes on the ship. Kain and the lieutenants materialized on the boat near one of
the sides. They were hidden behind a bunch of boxes]
Kain: Where the hell are we?
Rahab: I just had a thought. Do you know how to use this thing?
Kain: No. But we sure ain't a few days ago. Is this even Nosgoth anymore?
Raziel: Sure doesn't look like it. I think we're on Nosgoth before it became Nosgoth.
Kain: How far back are we!?
Melchiah: Let's look for clues as to the time period we're in.
(they looked around and Raziel looked behind him and saw a large box labeled 'Tea')
Raziel: Ahh!! Looks like a block!
(the others looked around and the boxes they were hiding behind also said 'Tea.' In
fact, all of the boxes were labeled 'Tea', and there were a lot of boxes)
Turel: I hate tea.
Raziel: And it's shaped like a block. Let's throw them overboard.
(so Raziel threw the box of tea overboard, and so did the lieutenants and Kain. They
were throwing all the boxes of tea overboard, and the sailors on the ship saw this and
thought it was a trend and they threw the boxes of tea overboard as well! The people
on the harbor were outraged)
Raziel: This is kinda fun! Throw all the tea overboard!
Rahab: (finally realizes what time period they're in) Oh my. This isn't good. Stop
throwing the tea overboard!
(no one listened and threw more tea overboard)
Rahab: Stop!
Kain: What?
Rahab: Let's just leave shall we? Lots of people are going to be pissed off at us.
Melchiah: Okay, use the machine!
Zephon's voice: Lord help us, we have no clue what we're doing.
(so they used the machine)
[The scene was now a bunker and it sounded like there was a war going on. Kain and
the lieutenants materialized in an underground bunker right in front of a door]
Kain: Where are we now! This still isn't it! And I'm starving!
Raziel: Don't worry. Rahab, do you know what's going on?
Rahab: Well, there are tons of underground bunkers, this could be anything!
(well, Kain opened the door and found...Hitler! But his back was to them)
Hitler: (singing to himself-oh and I don't know German so this is automatically
translated) Everybody! Yeah-eah! Shake your body! Yeah-eah! Backstreet's back
alright! Alright!
Kain: What the?
Dumah: Food!
(so Dumah pounced on and killed Adolph Hitler)
Dumah: Yummy.
Rahab: Well, Dumah just killed Hitler. So Hitler didn't commit suicide! Dumah killed him!
A great mystery solved!
Raziel: (picking up a gun and pointing it at his face) What's this?
[BANG! Well, the Slaughs in the Spectral Realm were getting bored]
Slaugh 1: I'm bored.
Slaugh 2: Yeah, well at least that Razzyboy guy isn't here. He annoys me.
Slaugh 1: Yeah, he tried to suck me up.
(then Raziel appears in the Spectral Realm)
Raziel: Note to self: Never shoot yourself in the head.
Slaugh 1: Aww, it's Razzyboy!
Slaugh 2: Yeah, I hate Razzyboy!
Raziel: Don't call me Razzyboy!
(then Raziel killed them and returned to the Material Realm. Raziel got the gun and put
it in Hitler's hand and pointed it to Hitler's head)
Raziel: He, this will drive conspiracy nuts crazy.
Rahab: Let's get out of here.
Raziel: Just let me take some gifts. (Razzyboy stole a gun)
Kain: Let's go. I'm starving.
(then they used the machine)
[Easter Island was a quiet place full of peace and nothing bad ever happened. Until
Kain and the lieutenants materialized in and started screwing things up]
Turel: (looking at a rock) I should carve my face onto this thing. A work of art.
Kain: A work of stupidity.
(so Turel carved a BUNCH of rocks to look like him-except they looked more like Kain
instead)
Turel: Damn, now they look like flathead!
Kain: Hey!
Turel: Let's go. Art is ruined.
Rahab: Okay. Now where will this machine take us?
(then Kain jabbed on the machine)
[The Hindenburg (or however you spell it) was a revolutionary means of transportation
and it floated high up in the sky. The balloon part was neat-o too. Then some vampires
mysteriously landed at the very top of the balloon]
Melchiah: Ahh!! I hate hights!
Rahab: (immediately recognized the scene) We must get going now!
Turel: Why, we just got here?
Dumah: Yeah, and this rubber feels weird.
Rahab: It's a balloon. Think waterbed. Now let's go!
Dumah: Hehehehehe.
(then the supreme asshole Dumah poked the balloon. It started to deflate then caught
on fire)
Raziel: DUMAH YOU ****, @*%@, #*@%, ****ING IDIOT!
Dumah: USE THE MACHINE BEFORE WE DIE!
Kain: It won't work!
Melchiah: Why not!?
Zephon's voice: I think it's because I've been jabbing it too hard!
Dumah: YOU IDIOT!
(then Zephon punched Kain)
Kain: Ow! (then Kain punched Raziel then he puched the machine) I THINK IT'S
WORKING!
Rahab: Try it out!
(then Kain pressed the button and they disappeared)
[The scene was a green hill and they materialized there]
Kain: Now where are we?
Rahab: (looking at the time-streaming device) I've got it set to "Nosgoth a few days
ago" so we should leave now.
Raziel: Yeah. (then Raziel twirled his gun)
Rahab: Stop, that's dangerous!
Raziel: Oh, how dangerous can it be?
(then he accidentally fired the gun and it went past the green hill they were on)
Rahab: OH NO! This is a grassy knoll! Do you know what that means!?
Dumah: Um, no.
Rahab: It doesn't matter! Let's move!
(so they teleport away)
[The scene is now Nosgoth a few days from now and Kain and the lieutenants
materialize in front of a shop]
Kain: Finally, we're here. I'm hungry.
Raziel: No! We must wait and catch the person who's trying to frame you!
Dumah: I'm gonna look in this store and kill something.
Kain: Okay. (then Kain sees a human walk by) I'm starving! (then Kain pounces on the
human killing it)
Dumah: (inside the store) Aw, who can I beat the crap out of?
(then Dumah saw Moebius from a few days ago)
Dumah: Hey Moebius, I'm a vampire! Hahahaha you suck!
(Moebius from a few days ago hears this and charges toward Dumah, who runs out of
the shop)
Dumah: (to Kain and the others) Moebius is coming!!
Rahab: We gotta hide!
Kain: But I haven't drunken this guy's blood yet!
(then they all hide. Then Kain from a few days ago go and finds the corpse that present
Kain had just killed)
Kain from a few days ago: (looking at the dead person) Supper! (then, while drinking
the blood) I'm such a sucker for corpses.
Moebius from a few days ago: (sees Kain from a few days ago drinking the blood)
Police! Police!
(then, at Kain's hiding place which is behind a trash can he and the lieutenants peek
over and see the commotion)
Kain: (realizing that HE was the one that framed himself!) Oh my lord no!!
Turel: Well I'll be damned.
Zephon's voice: (to Kain) (smug voiced) Well, how are you gonna get out of this one
Kain? Watcha gonna do now?
(then, as Kain watched Moebius from a few days ago drag Kain from a few days ago
off, he continually hit his head on the trashcan)
Kain: (while banging his head) Damn damn damn damn!
Dumah: Hahahaha!
Kain: (while turning around and lifting Dumah off the ground) THIS ISN'T FUNNY
DUMAH! SHUT UP!!
Raziel: Bravo!
Kain: (while throwing Dumah) I'm gonna go in and defend myself.
Raziel: You can't do that!
Kain: Why not?
Raziel: It didn't happen to you so it'd cause a paradox!
Kain: You freakin' idiot! You're saying that like we don't cause paradoxi on a daily basis!
We cause more damn paradoxi than anything in the world! Hell, we could open our own
paradox causing business! We could be called Paradox'R'Us!
Rahab: Actually it's paradoxES! Not paradoxI!
Kain: I know that! What do you think I am, a stupid retard?
Rahab: Yes.
Kain: Oh. Well I'm about to cause another paradox! I love paradoxi!
(then Kain stormed to the courtroom)
Rahab: It's paradoxes!
[The scene is the courtroom and it's before the lieutenants from a few days ago had
arrived. So when present Kain and the present lieutenants stormed in to help Kain from
a few days ago, there was some confusion]
Moebius from a few days ago: (seeing the 2 Kains) 2 Kains!! What the hell is going on!?
Kain from a few days ago: (seeing Kain) Who're you?
Kain: I'm you!
Kain from a few days ago: You me?
Kain: Yes.
Kain from a few days ago: (pointing to Kain) This vampire is my defendant!
Moebius from a few days ago: (confused) Okay, I don't remember getting high before
coming here so what's going on?
Kain: I'm from the future!
Kain from a few days ago: Yeah, Kain's my best friend, he'll defend me!
Raziel: Don't forget about me!
Kain and Kain from a few days ago: (to Raziel) Shut up ingrate!
Kain from a few days ago: I can't stand Razzyboy!
Kain: Same here!
Raziel: Oh great, I'm double hated.
Moebius from a few days ago: (clearly confused) Okay, what in the holy hell is going on
here!? We'll never even get this trial started!
Kain: Kain's innocent!
Zephon's voice: Yeah!
Rahab: Well technically, Kain isn't innocent. You see-
Kain: (punches Rahab) We're completely innocent!
Moebius from a few days ago: (confused) I need some headache medicine because I
don't think this could get anymore confusing.
(then another set of Kain and the lieutenants materialized in the court room as well.
Well all the lieutenants except Turel, who was mysteriously missing. Zephon's actual
body was there and Kain from a few days from now had his hair all spikey, had star-
shaped glasses on, and pink vest on, leopard clothing on, and it looked like he had
boobs)
Moebius from a few days ago: (seeing 3 Kain's now) Okay, now there are 3 Kains in
one room. Now this is just re-goddamn-diculous.
Kain from a few days from now: Hello Kains. (sees present Kain) I look so well right
now.
Kain and Kain from a few days ago: What the hell has happened to us!?
Kain from a few days from now: You don't need to know yet.
Zephon's voice: (sees himself from a few days from now) It's me! How!?
Zephon: You end up finding a way.
Zephon's voice: Wow!
Turel: (notices he is missing) Whoa, where am I?
Raziel from a few days from now: Let's just say the name Ishmael has something to do
with it.
Turel: Ishmael?
Kain from a few days from now: I'm here to help! I know the truth! Kain did it! (points
at the present Kain)
Moebius from a few days ago: H-how?
Kain from a few days from now: He traveled to the past to kill someone making this
other Kain from the past get into trouble! Haha!
Moebius from a few days ago: What the hell did that just mean? This is so confusing.
Kain: Kain you bastard, why are you getting me in trouble!?
Kain from a few days from now: Because I already know how this ends so I'll enjoy
watching you suffer.
Kain and Kain from a few days ago: I hate you Kain.
(just then the lieutenants from a few days ago storm in)
Moebius from a few days ago: (decides to take some anti-headache medicine) What the
hell, what the hell, what the hell?
Raziel from a few days ago: (unsure about what to think) Um...I'm unsure about
what to think.
Moebius from a few days ago: Okay, okay. Just point to whoever did this.
(then all the Kains pointed at each other)
Kain from a few days from now: (snatches present Kain's time-streaming device) Haha,
now what you gonna do!? We're off!
Kain: Wait, that's mine!
(then the Kain from a few days from now and those lieutenants disappeared)
Kain: That was mine you gay looking freak!
Dumah: Are you aware you just called yourself gay looking?
Kain: (irritated sigh) Yes I am Dumah, thank you.
Dumah: You're welcome.
Moebius from a few days ago: Okay, this is just to damn stupid, you're both going to
jail.
Kain: Oh no, not again!
(then Vorador from a few days ago busted in on a horse just like in the first chapter
and everything that happened from the first chapter from this part happened again, but
this time 2 Kains were knocked out and 2 Razzyboy's chased after Moebius from a few
days ago. Zephon was still in Kain, so he got knocked out too. After the past and
present lieutenants ran out, Janos was left in the courtroom alone)
Janos: That made no sense and I don't want to know.
[Meanwhile, in the present, Vorador was carrying Go Dog Go trying to hide it from
Janos. Vorador went to Umah's chambers]
Vorador: Ahh!! You're here?
Umah: Of course. Where are the others?
(then Janos ran in after hearing the question)
Janos: Um...they had to go to town to get shaved!
Umah: Are you sure?
Vorador: Yes. They had to get their pubes shaved!
Janos: Vorador, you sick perverted bastard. (then he saw the Go Dog Go book)
Vorador: Bye Umah.
Janos: You have the book! (then Janos beat the crap out of Vorador)
Umah: What the hell's going on? Oh well, boys will be boys.
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Aha! I bet you didn't think Kain would be the one who framed Kain huh? Well, I'm not too sure how the next chapter will end up, but I hope you liked this chapter! I always wondered about Easter Island. Well, don't forget to review!
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[The scene is, where else?, the Pillars and Rahab is reading a book to
everyone except Dumah who was out beating the sh** out of people, Kain,
who was sleeping, and Umah who no one knew were she was]
Rahab: (reading aloud to the others) ...and so Curious George rolled on his ball till
he fell asleep. The end.
Melchiah: I love that book!
Turel: Yeah and I liked the surprise ending. I thought that monkey would've got killed
for sure!
Raziel: By who?
Turel: That army major guy. I thought he would have KILLED that monkey!
Janos: (he found his way back to the Pillars) Yeah, good old George!
Vorador: (his head's attached to Moebius' body) That damn monkey! The major should
just blow his ass away!
Melchiah: (shrieks) That monkey is my idol, thank you so very much!
Vorador: If I was that major guy, I would've gotten my shotgun and blow his freakin'
brains out!
Melchiah: NO-OO-OO-OO!!
Raziel: Vorry, stop being an ass.
Vorador: HEY! Don't call me Vorry. Stupid Razzyboy.
Rahab: What should I read next?
Melchiah: Make Vorador apologize for what he said about George!
Vorador: I am not going to apologize. I really would've killed that monkey. Killing it
would save a lot of trouble.
Raziel: Fortunately you're NOT that major.
Vorador: Baah, this is all fake.
Melchiah: It's not fake!!!
Janos: Stop being mean Vorador.
Vorador: Oh come on! This is as fake as Santa Clause!
Melchiah: Santa Clause is NOT FAKE! (then Melchiah tackled Vorador and beat the crap
outta him)
Rahab: Hehehehehehe.
Raziel: What next?
Janos: Ooh, I know! How about that heart-warming novel Go Dog Go?
Rahab: If you can find it.
Janos: What does that mean?
Rahab: Ever since Vorador came here, it's been missing.
(then Janos grabs Vorador away from Melchiah)
Vorador: Thank you.
(then Janos lifted Vorador up by the throat)
Janos: (in an evil, threatening voice) Where is Go Dog Go?
Vorador: Umm...
Janos: (still threatening voice) Where is that book? I LOVE that book. And if you hid it,
I'm going to kill you so badly that you'll think you are dead.
Vorador: (thinking about what he just said) That doesn't make much sense.
(Raziel hands Janos a monkey wrench)
Janos: Thanks Razzyboy.
Raziel: DON'T call me Razzyboy!
(then Dumah rushed in with something shiny in his hands and he was very excited)
Dumah: You guys, guess what I found while I was out beating the sh** out of people!?
Rahab: What?
Dumah: A portable time-streaming device!
Raziel: A portable time-streaming device? Wow, let's use it!
Janos: (putting down Vorador) I know the perfect time to go back to! We can go back
to before Vorador came over and then I can find Go Dog Go!
Raziel: No no no no! I have a better plan!
Dumah: Yeah! We can go back in the past and kill human Kain!
Raziel: No! We can go back a few days ago and find out who framed Kain!
[well, Kain was having a good dream. He was dreaming that he was the lord of Nosgoth
and was beating people up like rag-dolls and that he had a favorite son named Dumah.
Of course, this is all true, but it's still a good dream. But the good dream was shattered
when someone woke him up]
Turel: Kain, wake up!
Kain: I have a sinus headache. Go away.
Zephon's voice: Scrooge! Anyway, what've you guys got?
(they handed him the portable time-streaming device)
Kain: (eyes lit up) A portable time-streaming device? Awesome! Who found it?
Dumah: Me.
Kain: I should've known that my FAVORITE SON would've been the one to find
something this good. Only my FAVORITE SON could be so awesome unlike my LEAST
FAVORITE SON who shall remain nameless whose name is Razzyboy.
Raziel: My daddy doesn't love me!
(then Razzyboy was upset)
Raziel: (pissed off) Hey, don't call me Razzyboy!
(at least you're not upset anymore)
Raziel: True.
Kain: What should I do?
Raziel: Go back a few days ago and see who framed you!
Kain: Great idea my favorite son Dumah!
Raziel: But Dumah didn't say a thing! He's just standing there like a retard!
Kain: Yes, but he obviously gave you the good idea!
Turel: Yay!
(then Kain got up and gathered the lieutenants)
Janos: What about us?
Kain: You stay and look after Umah. I'm getting nightmares that she might actually be
pregnant someday.
Vorador: Fine!
Rahab: And don't mess with my books while we're gone!
Vorador: I won't.
Kain: Okay, let's go to a few days from now!
(then Kain pressed a button and him and the lieutenants disappeared)
[The scene was now a ship and it was on water heading toward a city and there were a
ton of boxes on the ship. Kain and the lieutenants materialized on the boat near one of
the sides. They were hidden behind a bunch of boxes]
Kain: Where the hell are we?
Rahab: I just had a thought. Do you know how to use this thing?
Kain: No. But we sure ain't a few days ago. Is this even Nosgoth anymore?
Raziel: Sure doesn't look like it. I think we're on Nosgoth before it became Nosgoth.
Kain: How far back are we!?
Melchiah: Let's look for clues as to the time period we're in.
(they looked around and Raziel looked behind him and saw a large box labeled 'Tea')
Raziel: Ahh!! Looks like a block!
(the others looked around and the boxes they were hiding behind also said 'Tea.' In
fact, all of the boxes were labeled 'Tea', and there were a lot of boxes)
Turel: I hate tea.
Raziel: And it's shaped like a block. Let's throw them overboard.
(so Raziel threw the box of tea overboard, and so did the lieutenants and Kain. They
were throwing all the boxes of tea overboard, and the sailors on the ship saw this and
thought it was a trend and they threw the boxes of tea overboard as well! The people
on the harbor were outraged)
Raziel: This is kinda fun! Throw all the tea overboard!
Rahab: (finally realizes what time period they're in) Oh my. This isn't good. Stop
throwing the tea overboard!
(no one listened and threw more tea overboard)
Rahab: Stop!
Kain: What?
Rahab: Let's just leave shall we? Lots of people are going to be pissed off at us.
Melchiah: Okay, use the machine!
Zephon's voice: Lord help us, we have no clue what we're doing.
(so they used the machine)
[The scene was now a bunker and it sounded like there was a war going on. Kain and
the lieutenants materialized in an underground bunker right in front of a door]
Kain: Where are we now! This still isn't it! And I'm starving!
Raziel: Don't worry. Rahab, do you know what's going on?
Rahab: Well, there are tons of underground bunkers, this could be anything!
(well, Kain opened the door and found...Hitler! But his back was to them)
Hitler: (singing to himself-oh and I don't know German so this is automatically
translated) Everybody! Yeah-eah! Shake your body! Yeah-eah! Backstreet's back
alright! Alright!
Kain: What the?
Dumah: Food!
(so Dumah pounced on and killed Adolph Hitler)
Dumah: Yummy.
Rahab: Well, Dumah just killed Hitler. So Hitler didn't commit suicide! Dumah killed him!
A great mystery solved!
Raziel: (picking up a gun and pointing it at his face) What's this?
[BANG! Well, the Slaughs in the Spectral Realm were getting bored]
Slaugh 1: I'm bored.
Slaugh 2: Yeah, well at least that Razzyboy guy isn't here. He annoys me.
Slaugh 1: Yeah, he tried to suck me up.
(then Raziel appears in the Spectral Realm)
Raziel: Note to self: Never shoot yourself in the head.
Slaugh 1: Aww, it's Razzyboy!
Slaugh 2: Yeah, I hate Razzyboy!
Raziel: Don't call me Razzyboy!
(then Raziel killed them and returned to the Material Realm. Raziel got the gun and put
it in Hitler's hand and pointed it to Hitler's head)
Raziel: He, this will drive conspiracy nuts crazy.
Rahab: Let's get out of here.
Raziel: Just let me take some gifts. (Razzyboy stole a gun)
Kain: Let's go. I'm starving.
(then they used the machine)
[Easter Island was a quiet place full of peace and nothing bad ever happened. Until
Kain and the lieutenants materialized in and started screwing things up]
Turel: (looking at a rock) I should carve my face onto this thing. A work of art.
Kain: A work of stupidity.
(so Turel carved a BUNCH of rocks to look like him-except they looked more like Kain
instead)
Turel: Damn, now they look like flathead!
Kain: Hey!
Turel: Let's go. Art is ruined.
Rahab: Okay. Now where will this machine take us?
(then Kain jabbed on the machine)
[The Hindenburg (or however you spell it) was a revolutionary means of transportation
and it floated high up in the sky. The balloon part was neat-o too. Then some vampires
mysteriously landed at the very top of the balloon]
Melchiah: Ahh!! I hate hights!
Rahab: (immediately recognized the scene) We must get going now!
Turel: Why, we just got here?
Dumah: Yeah, and this rubber feels weird.
Rahab: It's a balloon. Think waterbed. Now let's go!
Dumah: Hehehehehe.
(then the supreme asshole Dumah poked the balloon. It started to deflate then caught
on fire)
Raziel: DUMAH YOU ****, @*%@, #*@%, ****ING IDIOT!
Dumah: USE THE MACHINE BEFORE WE DIE!
Kain: It won't work!
Melchiah: Why not!?
Zephon's voice: I think it's because I've been jabbing it too hard!
Dumah: YOU IDIOT!
(then Zephon punched Kain)
Kain: Ow! (then Kain punched Raziel then he puched the machine) I THINK IT'S
WORKING!
Rahab: Try it out!
(then Kain pressed the button and they disappeared)
[The scene was a green hill and they materialized there]
Kain: Now where are we?
Rahab: (looking at the time-streaming device) I've got it set to "Nosgoth a few days
ago" so we should leave now.
Raziel: Yeah. (then Raziel twirled his gun)
Rahab: Stop, that's dangerous!
Raziel: Oh, how dangerous can it be?
(then he accidentally fired the gun and it went past the green hill they were on)
Rahab: OH NO! This is a grassy knoll! Do you know what that means!?
Dumah: Um, no.
Rahab: It doesn't matter! Let's move!
(so they teleport away)
[The scene is now Nosgoth a few days from now and Kain and the lieutenants
materialize in front of a shop]
Kain: Finally, we're here. I'm hungry.
Raziel: No! We must wait and catch the person who's trying to frame you!
Dumah: I'm gonna look in this store and kill something.
Kain: Okay. (then Kain sees a human walk by) I'm starving! (then Kain pounces on the
human killing it)
Dumah: (inside the store) Aw, who can I beat the crap out of?
(then Dumah saw Moebius from a few days ago)
Dumah: Hey Moebius, I'm a vampire! Hahahaha you suck!
(Moebius from a few days ago hears this and charges toward Dumah, who runs out of
the shop)
Dumah: (to Kain and the others) Moebius is coming!!
Rahab: We gotta hide!
Kain: But I haven't drunken this guy's blood yet!
(then they all hide. Then Kain from a few days ago go and finds the corpse that present
Kain had just killed)
Kain from a few days ago: (looking at the dead person) Supper! (then, while drinking
the blood) I'm such a sucker for corpses.
Moebius from a few days ago: (sees Kain from a few days ago drinking the blood)
Police! Police!
(then, at Kain's hiding place which is behind a trash can he and the lieutenants peek
over and see the commotion)
Kain: (realizing that HE was the one that framed himself!) Oh my lord no!!
Turel: Well I'll be damned.
Zephon's voice: (to Kain) (smug voiced) Well, how are you gonna get out of this one
Kain? Watcha gonna do now?
(then, as Kain watched Moebius from a few days ago drag Kain from a few days ago
off, he continually hit his head on the trashcan)
Kain: (while banging his head) Damn damn damn damn!
Dumah: Hahahaha!
Kain: (while turning around and lifting Dumah off the ground) THIS ISN'T FUNNY
DUMAH! SHUT UP!!
Raziel: Bravo!
Kain: (while throwing Dumah) I'm gonna go in and defend myself.
Raziel: You can't do that!
Kain: Why not?
Raziel: It didn't happen to you so it'd cause a paradox!
Kain: You freakin' idiot! You're saying that like we don't cause paradoxi on a daily basis!
We cause more damn paradoxi than anything in the world! Hell, we could open our own
paradox causing business! We could be called Paradox'R'Us!
Rahab: Actually it's paradoxES! Not paradoxI!
Kain: I know that! What do you think I am, a stupid retard?
Rahab: Yes.
Kain: Oh. Well I'm about to cause another paradox! I love paradoxi!
(then Kain stormed to the courtroom)
Rahab: It's paradoxes!
[The scene is the courtroom and it's before the lieutenants from a few days ago had
arrived. So when present Kain and the present lieutenants stormed in to help Kain from
a few days ago, there was some confusion]
Moebius from a few days ago: (seeing the 2 Kains) 2 Kains!! What the hell is going on!?
Kain from a few days ago: (seeing Kain) Who're you?
Kain: I'm you!
Kain from a few days ago: You me?
Kain: Yes.
Kain from a few days ago: (pointing to Kain) This vampire is my defendant!
Moebius from a few days ago: (confused) Okay, I don't remember getting high before
coming here so what's going on?
Kain: I'm from the future!
Kain from a few days ago: Yeah, Kain's my best friend, he'll defend me!
Raziel: Don't forget about me!
Kain and Kain from a few days ago: (to Raziel) Shut up ingrate!
Kain from a few days ago: I can't stand Razzyboy!
Kain: Same here!
Raziel: Oh great, I'm double hated.
Moebius from a few days ago: (clearly confused) Okay, what in the holy hell is going on
here!? We'll never even get this trial started!
Kain: Kain's innocent!
Zephon's voice: Yeah!
Rahab: Well technically, Kain isn't innocent. You see-
Kain: (punches Rahab) We're completely innocent!
Moebius from a few days ago: (confused) I need some headache medicine because I
don't think this could get anymore confusing.
(then another set of Kain and the lieutenants materialized in the court room as well.
Well all the lieutenants except Turel, who was mysteriously missing. Zephon's actual
body was there and Kain from a few days from now had his hair all spikey, had star-
shaped glasses on, and pink vest on, leopard clothing on, and it looked like he had
boobs)
Moebius from a few days ago: (seeing 3 Kain's now) Okay, now there are 3 Kains in
one room. Now this is just re-goddamn-diculous.
Kain from a few days from now: Hello Kains. (sees present Kain) I look so well right
now.
Kain and Kain from a few days ago: What the hell has happened to us!?
Kain from a few days from now: You don't need to know yet.
Zephon's voice: (sees himself from a few days from now) It's me! How!?
Zephon: You end up finding a way.
Zephon's voice: Wow!
Turel: (notices he is missing) Whoa, where am I?
Raziel from a few days from now: Let's just say the name Ishmael has something to do
with it.
Turel: Ishmael?
Kain from a few days from now: I'm here to help! I know the truth! Kain did it! (points
at the present Kain)
Moebius from a few days ago: H-how?
Kain from a few days from now: He traveled to the past to kill someone making this
other Kain from the past get into trouble! Haha!
Moebius from a few days ago: What the hell did that just mean? This is so confusing.
Kain: Kain you bastard, why are you getting me in trouble!?
Kain from a few days from now: Because I already know how this ends so I'll enjoy
watching you suffer.
Kain and Kain from a few days ago: I hate you Kain.
(just then the lieutenants from a few days ago storm in)
Moebius from a few days ago: (decides to take some anti-headache medicine) What the
hell, what the hell, what the hell?
Raziel from a few days ago: (unsure about what to think) Um...I'm unsure about
what to think.
Moebius from a few days ago: Okay, okay. Just point to whoever did this.
(then all the Kains pointed at each other)
Kain from a few days from now: (snatches present Kain's time-streaming device) Haha,
now what you gonna do!? We're off!
Kain: Wait, that's mine!
(then the Kain from a few days from now and those lieutenants disappeared)
Kain: That was mine you gay looking freak!
Dumah: Are you aware you just called yourself gay looking?
Kain: (irritated sigh) Yes I am Dumah, thank you.
Dumah: You're welcome.
Moebius from a few days ago: Okay, this is just to damn stupid, you're both going to
jail.
Kain: Oh no, not again!
(then Vorador from a few days ago busted in on a horse just like in the first chapter
and everything that happened from the first chapter from this part happened again, but
this time 2 Kains were knocked out and 2 Razzyboy's chased after Moebius from a few
days ago. Zephon was still in Kain, so he got knocked out too. After the past and
present lieutenants ran out, Janos was left in the courtroom alone)
Janos: That made no sense and I don't want to know.
[Meanwhile, in the present, Vorador was carrying Go Dog Go trying to hide it from
Janos. Vorador went to Umah's chambers]
Vorador: Ahh!! You're here?
Umah: Of course. Where are the others?
(then Janos ran in after hearing the question)
Janos: Um...they had to go to town to get shaved!
Umah: Are you sure?
Vorador: Yes. They had to get their pubes shaved!
Janos: Vorador, you sick perverted bastard. (then he saw the Go Dog Go book)
Vorador: Bye Umah.
Janos: You have the book! (then Janos beat the crap out of Vorador)
Umah: What the hell's going on? Oh well, boys will be boys.
______________________________________________________________
Aha! I bet you didn't think Kain would be the one who framed Kain huh? Well, I'm not too sure how the next chapter will end up, but I hope you liked this chapter! I always wondered about Easter Island. Well, don't forget to review!