Title: Fear
Author: CSIphile/A-Stepf
Rating: PG13 as always.
Notes: Yeah I know I said double posting, it will be soon I promise!
Thanks: To everyone who reviewed yet again, you guys rock. Meg.the best beta ever, you also rock!
"Let's go," Nick continues and follows her out the door, giving Grissom a look that says he will keep her safe.
"You can talk to me Sara. If you want to, Nick says as they approach the Tahoe.
"I know, thanks Nick. I'll let you know. Not right now though."
"Sara, you have to talk to someone. Otherwise you'll go crazy."
"Did you? Talk to someone, that is?" she asks tentatively, not wanting to invade Nick's privacy.
"No. My parents only really know the barest details about what happened. I realize now I should have talked to someone. Bottling it up doesn't make it go away, Sara."
She gives him a small smile and gets into the vehicle, mulling over what he said.
Returning several hours later, Nick and Sara go their separate ways- Sara to the print lab, Nick dropping DNA off to Greg for processing. Once Sara has the prints she collected in AFIS and is waiting for a match, she walks into Grissom's office and almost laughs. He is sitting behind his desk a pile of paperwork on his left with a smaller pile on his right.
"Aren't you done with that?" she asks and tries to restrain the smile that is forming on her lips.
"No. Apparently, as punishment for taking my first vacation in 5 years, Ecklie pulls every open file and wants a status report." He sighs and closes the file he is working on, moving it to the pile on the right.
"Well was your vacation worth it?" She smiles now and slinks into the room, leaning over his desk with her elbows on the hard surface.
"Absolutely. Best vacation I've ever had." He smiles back at her and has to resist closing the gap of mere inches between their lips and kissing her.
"Good. I need to check my prints, see you later," she practically whispers and stands straight up, leaving the room.
After getting her results, Sara goes looking for Nick; she has a hit on her prints. Before she can get far though, the person she is looking for makes an appearance in the door, a pleased look plastered on his face.
"CODIS got a hit," he announces before she can say anything.
"Me too, let's see if they match. Show me yours and I'll show you mine," she says approaches him, trying to look at the report in his hand. Nick turns it to her and is rewarded with a huge smile from the brunette, and he knows they have a match.
"Lemme guess. Your prints came up Daniel Kinder?"
"Sure did. Let's call Brass and get Kinder in here."
After sitting in on what seems to Sara as the shortest interview/confession ever, she again finds Grissom in his office. The pile of papers is smaller, but still significant.
"So our suspect confessed almost before he sat down, never seen anything like it. Looks like you'll be working on that paperwork for a while yet." At his exasperated look, Sara gives him an understanding smile and continues. "I am going to head home and unpack."
"Sara, why don't you just go to my place? He knows where you live, it's not safe anymore." His paperwork forgotten, Grissom looks up her, willing to do anything to keep her safe.
"Grissom, if he wanted to get into my apartment while I was there, he would have before. He's too cowardly to do it while I'm there. He is afraid of getting caught right? That's why he wore gloves. He won't try again with me there; he has to know I'll shoot him on the spot." She gives him a forced smile at the last part of the sentence. "Besides, I need to unpack. If it will make you feel better, I'll go to my place, unpack, then head to your townhouse when you get home, ok?"
"Fine. But at least take Warrick or Nick with you."
"NO Grissom. Listen, I need to be alone for a while. I'll be fine at my apartment. I need to prove to myself that I am not scared of him. I need to.stand on my own."
"I understand that you enjoy your independence, but that's no reason to become lax and not think about what you are doing."
"How can you even think." she starts but is quickly cut off.
"I don't think you can't take care of yourself Sara, I know perfectly well that you can. I just don't want you to make a decision based solely on wanting to prove to him that this isn't affecting you." He can sense her emotional change before she shows outward signs of being angry.
"You think I would do that? That I would disregard all the training I have received and place myself in danger for the sake of proving a point? You know me better than that." Sara honestly can't believe he would think she would do that. She tries not to become angry at him, but with each passing moment and with the thoughts swirling in her head, it becomes more difficult. As she is thinking, Grissom gets out of the chair and approaches her, lightly grabbing her small hands in his.
"Sara, understand something. I don't think you would do it intentionally, I do know you better then that. Your passion, however, for getting the suspect tends to override your survival instinct. I love you Sara, more than you know, and I don't want anything to happen to you. You seem to be in some kind of denial about the severity of this situation, you think that if you ignore him he'll go away. Well he won't, Sara, and you need to accept that your life has changed until we catch him."
"Denial? You think I'm denying what is happening to me? I am well aware of what is going on Grissom. I am the one getting notes and gifts and my apartment broken into." She pulls away from him and takes a step back.
"Sara," he says patiently. "That's not what I'm saying. You are in denial about the effect this is having on you, not that it's happening. You refuse to accept that things have to change for a while and that is going to get you injured." He can see her considering what he'd said.
"Look, I understand your concern, but I can take care of myself. I am armed, for Gods sake. I am going to my apartment, unpacking, and when you get home, call me. I'll come over. Okay?" Her tone is non-negotiable.
"Sara."
"O-kay?"
"Fine. If Eck didn't threaten my job if I didn't do this and want a status report when he got in, I would come with you. You know, forget Ecklie, I am coming with you." He turns to his desk to close the files.
"Grissom, no. Finish. Doesn't look like you have that much and I will be fine, I promise. I'll meet you at your place in let's say.two hours?"
"Ok," he says, decidedly nervous about letting her go alone.
Entering her quiet apartment, Sara tries to shake off the feeling that this is no longer home. Dropping her bag by the island, she again fails to notice the answering machine's light blinking furiously at her.
Looking around, she realizes all her belongings feel like they are owned by someone else, that she isn't the only person to touch and use them. The dining room table. The computer. The couch that she and Grissom slept on together. Walking into her bedroom, the uneasy feeling only intensifies. He rifled through her clothes, maybe her jewelry. Did he touch her bed or only pass by it on the way to the closet? Did he lay on it, breathing in the fresh scent of her sheets and comforter? Did he do things she doesn't want to think about? That thought makes her shudder and before she can stop herself, Sara has stripped off the sheets and blankets, curling them into a tight ball in the corner of the room. Walking into her linen closet, she picks out another set of sheets, ready to put them on the bed when she wonders if he went through there too, touching her towels and sheets, those things that are closest to her body beside her underwear. Spinning around, she opens the drawer with her bras and panties in it. What she sees only confirms what she noticed with Grissom and Nick. Things had been moved, but nothing's missing, as far as she can tell.
Staring back at her unmade bed, Sara is overwhelmed with the feelings of being violated. Nothing is hers anymore, everything is tainted by him, she doesn't know what he touched and what he didn't, what he did while he was here. It makes her nervous being in her own house. She finally realizes what this feel like, like she is an animal at the zoo, trapped in a cage that the zookeeper can look into anytime he wants. The emotions come crashing down on her like an avalanche and she can feel her whole body starting to shake. She feels lightheaded, exhausted, like her throat is closing and she can't breathe. Sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, Sara rests her head on the bare mattress, trying to get control. Taking deep breaths, she closes her eyes for what she intends to only be a moment, but swiftly falls into a deep sleep.
**She is running, her breath coming out in ragged spurts, her feet pounding on the ground. Sara doesn't know where she is; only that someone is chasing her and she needs to get away. The fear of the person after her propels her to run faster than she thought she could. Her chest constricts in fear and exhaustion, she is lightheaded and everything seems fuzzy, out of focus. Coming to a stop, she looks around and realizes she is in the lab, but it's silent. No one appears to be here, which is odd; even at 4 am there is noise in the lab, someone is always working round the clock. Turning right, she runs down the hall to Grissom's office, her tennis shoes squeaking on the vinyl flooring. Without even turning around, she can sense the person after her. He is gaining, his slow steps catching up to her quick ones.
Terror overcomes her and she almost runs right past her destination. Coming to a halt at Grissom's office, she tries to open the door but finds it locked. Banging hard on it, she screams his name. Her rational brain tells her to keep moving, but something else makes her stay put. Jiggling the handle, she can hear Joey's voice calling her name down the hall, closer, getting ever so closer. Screaming, she tries the handle again. This time it turns and the door opens, spilling her into the room. Slamming the door behind her, she locks it and turns to look for Grissom, seeing him sitting at his desk, turned away from her.
She approaches him, saying his name, but her voice is hollow in her ears, like she is yelling down a wind tunnel. Everything is moving so slow now. She can't seem to reach him; every time she gets close it feels like he is pulled away from her. Without warning, the chair shifts and Grissom is revealed to her fully, a bullet hole clear in his right temple, his beautiful blue eyes closed and his skin a pasty grey of the long dead.**
Sara sits straight up and screams. Blinking furiously to get the image out of her head, she is relieved to find herself at home, still sitting on the floor and not in Grissom's office. Taking a deep breath, she tries to banish the picture of Grissom dead with a bullet in his brain, but doesn't succeed. She resists the urge to call him- that would only worry him further and she doesn't want that. Shivering, she slowly gets up, noticing her shirt is soaked with sweat. Stripping it off, she goes to the closet and grabs her Harvard sweatshirt, trying not to think of Joey's hands all over it.
Wondering how long she was out for, Sara looks at her watch and realizes she was only sleeping for 30 minutes or so. Taking stock of the mess she made, Sara throws the comforter back on the bed sans sheets, rolls up the old sheets and places them in the hamper. Walking into the kitchen and getting her bag from beside the island, Sara finally notices the blinking light on the machine. 'Did I miss a call while sleeping?' she thinks and looks at the display. Twenty four.
"Twenty four messages? Who called me..oh my God," she says aloud and stares at the numbers, certain that the dream is still making her mind fuzzy. That can't possibly say twenty four. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she wills the number away, but upon opening her eyes and looking again, the numbers haven't changed. Cautiously, she places one shaking finger on the play button, hesitant to even press the green plastic square. 'Damn it Sara, just push the button and be done with it. Get a spine,' she thinks to herself and does just that. Waiting for the whirring of the tape to stop, Sara is aware of her stomach clenching into knots. The machine stops its rewinding and she hears the gears switching from rewind to play. 'Wonder how many moving parts are in an answering machine,' she thinks as Joey's voice cuts into the silent apartment.
tbc..........bwhahahahahahaha. I am cruel. Do I retain the title of Cliffhanger Queen? Seriously, I hope to have the next chapter up today or tomorrow.
Author: CSIphile/A-Stepf
Rating: PG13 as always.
Notes: Yeah I know I said double posting, it will be soon I promise!
Thanks: To everyone who reviewed yet again, you guys rock. Meg.the best beta ever, you also rock!
"Let's go," Nick continues and follows her out the door, giving Grissom a look that says he will keep her safe.
"You can talk to me Sara. If you want to, Nick says as they approach the Tahoe.
"I know, thanks Nick. I'll let you know. Not right now though."
"Sara, you have to talk to someone. Otherwise you'll go crazy."
"Did you? Talk to someone, that is?" she asks tentatively, not wanting to invade Nick's privacy.
"No. My parents only really know the barest details about what happened. I realize now I should have talked to someone. Bottling it up doesn't make it go away, Sara."
She gives him a small smile and gets into the vehicle, mulling over what he said.
Returning several hours later, Nick and Sara go their separate ways- Sara to the print lab, Nick dropping DNA off to Greg for processing. Once Sara has the prints she collected in AFIS and is waiting for a match, she walks into Grissom's office and almost laughs. He is sitting behind his desk a pile of paperwork on his left with a smaller pile on his right.
"Aren't you done with that?" she asks and tries to restrain the smile that is forming on her lips.
"No. Apparently, as punishment for taking my first vacation in 5 years, Ecklie pulls every open file and wants a status report." He sighs and closes the file he is working on, moving it to the pile on the right.
"Well was your vacation worth it?" She smiles now and slinks into the room, leaning over his desk with her elbows on the hard surface.
"Absolutely. Best vacation I've ever had." He smiles back at her and has to resist closing the gap of mere inches between their lips and kissing her.
"Good. I need to check my prints, see you later," she practically whispers and stands straight up, leaving the room.
After getting her results, Sara goes looking for Nick; she has a hit on her prints. Before she can get far though, the person she is looking for makes an appearance in the door, a pleased look plastered on his face.
"CODIS got a hit," he announces before she can say anything.
"Me too, let's see if they match. Show me yours and I'll show you mine," she says approaches him, trying to look at the report in his hand. Nick turns it to her and is rewarded with a huge smile from the brunette, and he knows they have a match.
"Lemme guess. Your prints came up Daniel Kinder?"
"Sure did. Let's call Brass and get Kinder in here."
After sitting in on what seems to Sara as the shortest interview/confession ever, she again finds Grissom in his office. The pile of papers is smaller, but still significant.
"So our suspect confessed almost before he sat down, never seen anything like it. Looks like you'll be working on that paperwork for a while yet." At his exasperated look, Sara gives him an understanding smile and continues. "I am going to head home and unpack."
"Sara, why don't you just go to my place? He knows where you live, it's not safe anymore." His paperwork forgotten, Grissom looks up her, willing to do anything to keep her safe.
"Grissom, if he wanted to get into my apartment while I was there, he would have before. He's too cowardly to do it while I'm there. He is afraid of getting caught right? That's why he wore gloves. He won't try again with me there; he has to know I'll shoot him on the spot." She gives him a forced smile at the last part of the sentence. "Besides, I need to unpack. If it will make you feel better, I'll go to my place, unpack, then head to your townhouse when you get home, ok?"
"Fine. But at least take Warrick or Nick with you."
"NO Grissom. Listen, I need to be alone for a while. I'll be fine at my apartment. I need to prove to myself that I am not scared of him. I need to.stand on my own."
"I understand that you enjoy your independence, but that's no reason to become lax and not think about what you are doing."
"How can you even think." she starts but is quickly cut off.
"I don't think you can't take care of yourself Sara, I know perfectly well that you can. I just don't want you to make a decision based solely on wanting to prove to him that this isn't affecting you." He can sense her emotional change before she shows outward signs of being angry.
"You think I would do that? That I would disregard all the training I have received and place myself in danger for the sake of proving a point? You know me better than that." Sara honestly can't believe he would think she would do that. She tries not to become angry at him, but with each passing moment and with the thoughts swirling in her head, it becomes more difficult. As she is thinking, Grissom gets out of the chair and approaches her, lightly grabbing her small hands in his.
"Sara, understand something. I don't think you would do it intentionally, I do know you better then that. Your passion, however, for getting the suspect tends to override your survival instinct. I love you Sara, more than you know, and I don't want anything to happen to you. You seem to be in some kind of denial about the severity of this situation, you think that if you ignore him he'll go away. Well he won't, Sara, and you need to accept that your life has changed until we catch him."
"Denial? You think I'm denying what is happening to me? I am well aware of what is going on Grissom. I am the one getting notes and gifts and my apartment broken into." She pulls away from him and takes a step back.
"Sara," he says patiently. "That's not what I'm saying. You are in denial about the effect this is having on you, not that it's happening. You refuse to accept that things have to change for a while and that is going to get you injured." He can see her considering what he'd said.
"Look, I understand your concern, but I can take care of myself. I am armed, for Gods sake. I am going to my apartment, unpacking, and when you get home, call me. I'll come over. Okay?" Her tone is non-negotiable.
"Sara."
"O-kay?"
"Fine. If Eck didn't threaten my job if I didn't do this and want a status report when he got in, I would come with you. You know, forget Ecklie, I am coming with you." He turns to his desk to close the files.
"Grissom, no. Finish. Doesn't look like you have that much and I will be fine, I promise. I'll meet you at your place in let's say.two hours?"
"Ok," he says, decidedly nervous about letting her go alone.
Entering her quiet apartment, Sara tries to shake off the feeling that this is no longer home. Dropping her bag by the island, she again fails to notice the answering machine's light blinking furiously at her.
Looking around, she realizes all her belongings feel like they are owned by someone else, that she isn't the only person to touch and use them. The dining room table. The computer. The couch that she and Grissom slept on together. Walking into her bedroom, the uneasy feeling only intensifies. He rifled through her clothes, maybe her jewelry. Did he touch her bed or only pass by it on the way to the closet? Did he lay on it, breathing in the fresh scent of her sheets and comforter? Did he do things she doesn't want to think about? That thought makes her shudder and before she can stop herself, Sara has stripped off the sheets and blankets, curling them into a tight ball in the corner of the room. Walking into her linen closet, she picks out another set of sheets, ready to put them on the bed when she wonders if he went through there too, touching her towels and sheets, those things that are closest to her body beside her underwear. Spinning around, she opens the drawer with her bras and panties in it. What she sees only confirms what she noticed with Grissom and Nick. Things had been moved, but nothing's missing, as far as she can tell.
Staring back at her unmade bed, Sara is overwhelmed with the feelings of being violated. Nothing is hers anymore, everything is tainted by him, she doesn't know what he touched and what he didn't, what he did while he was here. It makes her nervous being in her own house. She finally realizes what this feel like, like she is an animal at the zoo, trapped in a cage that the zookeeper can look into anytime he wants. The emotions come crashing down on her like an avalanche and she can feel her whole body starting to shake. She feels lightheaded, exhausted, like her throat is closing and she can't breathe. Sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, Sara rests her head on the bare mattress, trying to get control. Taking deep breaths, she closes her eyes for what she intends to only be a moment, but swiftly falls into a deep sleep.
**She is running, her breath coming out in ragged spurts, her feet pounding on the ground. Sara doesn't know where she is; only that someone is chasing her and she needs to get away. The fear of the person after her propels her to run faster than she thought she could. Her chest constricts in fear and exhaustion, she is lightheaded and everything seems fuzzy, out of focus. Coming to a stop, she looks around and realizes she is in the lab, but it's silent. No one appears to be here, which is odd; even at 4 am there is noise in the lab, someone is always working round the clock. Turning right, she runs down the hall to Grissom's office, her tennis shoes squeaking on the vinyl flooring. Without even turning around, she can sense the person after her. He is gaining, his slow steps catching up to her quick ones.
Terror overcomes her and she almost runs right past her destination. Coming to a halt at Grissom's office, she tries to open the door but finds it locked. Banging hard on it, she screams his name. Her rational brain tells her to keep moving, but something else makes her stay put. Jiggling the handle, she can hear Joey's voice calling her name down the hall, closer, getting ever so closer. Screaming, she tries the handle again. This time it turns and the door opens, spilling her into the room. Slamming the door behind her, she locks it and turns to look for Grissom, seeing him sitting at his desk, turned away from her.
She approaches him, saying his name, but her voice is hollow in her ears, like she is yelling down a wind tunnel. Everything is moving so slow now. She can't seem to reach him; every time she gets close it feels like he is pulled away from her. Without warning, the chair shifts and Grissom is revealed to her fully, a bullet hole clear in his right temple, his beautiful blue eyes closed and his skin a pasty grey of the long dead.**
Sara sits straight up and screams. Blinking furiously to get the image out of her head, she is relieved to find herself at home, still sitting on the floor and not in Grissom's office. Taking a deep breath, she tries to banish the picture of Grissom dead with a bullet in his brain, but doesn't succeed. She resists the urge to call him- that would only worry him further and she doesn't want that. Shivering, she slowly gets up, noticing her shirt is soaked with sweat. Stripping it off, she goes to the closet and grabs her Harvard sweatshirt, trying not to think of Joey's hands all over it.
Wondering how long she was out for, Sara looks at her watch and realizes she was only sleeping for 30 minutes or so. Taking stock of the mess she made, Sara throws the comforter back on the bed sans sheets, rolls up the old sheets and places them in the hamper. Walking into the kitchen and getting her bag from beside the island, Sara finally notices the blinking light on the machine. 'Did I miss a call while sleeping?' she thinks and looks at the display. Twenty four.
"Twenty four messages? Who called me..oh my God," she says aloud and stares at the numbers, certain that the dream is still making her mind fuzzy. That can't possibly say twenty four. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she wills the number away, but upon opening her eyes and looking again, the numbers haven't changed. Cautiously, she places one shaking finger on the play button, hesitant to even press the green plastic square. 'Damn it Sara, just push the button and be done with it. Get a spine,' she thinks to herself and does just that. Waiting for the whirring of the tape to stop, Sara is aware of her stomach clenching into knots. The machine stops its rewinding and she hears the gears switching from rewind to play. 'Wonder how many moving parts are in an answering machine,' she thinks as Joey's voice cuts into the silent apartment.
tbc..........bwhahahahahahaha. I am cruel. Do I retain the title of Cliffhanger Queen? Seriously, I hope to have the next chapter up today or tomorrow.