Title: Fear Ch 20/29
Author: CSIphile/Stepf
Ratings/Disclaimers: PG-13. I looked for the receipt, but alas I cant find one.
Notes: Ok, remember waaaay back when I said the fic was done and 28 chapters, and remember a while later when I said my math skills sucked. Put those two things together and what do you get.an author who missed another chapter. It actually IS 29 chapters, I SWEAR, no more changes, I tripled- checked. With any luck, this whole thing will be posted by the end of the month, actually it has to be, you'll find out why later.
Alright, some light swearing here folks. Sorry this took so long, it's just a super long chapter to beta and a lot of work. Hope you enjoy it, and I want y'all to be prepared, while writing this section I almost cried...seriously, and I never cry. My beta had the same reaction, don't know if any of you will, but consider yourself prepared!!
Thanks: Standing eternal thanks to Meg and Dev, you girls know what for. Big thanks to those who reviewed, really, glad you guys enjoyed the ending last chapter. And good to know I didn't scare off any readers. And thank you so much for the patience, my beta and I appreciate it to no end!
Arriving at the lab, Grissom instructs Sara to wait in his office while he finds Nick. Quickly locating the young man in the computer lab, searching Joey's history, Grissom notices the tired and worn expression on his face. Realization dawns on Grissom; this is hitting the rest of the team as hard as him and Sara.
"Nick, I need you to do me a favor. Process what we found at our scene. Shouldn't take long, no foul play, straight up suicide. Sara can't stay on the case for reasons I can't disclose right now. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure Gris. Is Sara ok?" Fear is etched on Nick's face.
"I don't think so, Nick." As he starts to leave the room, a thought occurs to him and he turns back. "If I can't get her to listen to me, will you try talking to her? You're close."
"Sure, no problem, but can I ask what about?"
"I'll let you know later, hopefully it won't come to that." Grissom sighs and leaves Nick to process his evidence.
Opening the door to his office, Grissom finds Sara sitting quietly in one of the chairs across from his desk, seemingly staring into space. Watching her for a moment, Grissom takes in her body language. Normally Sara is defiant, confident, and that shows in her movements and language. Now, she looks defeated, tired; she is slumped down in the chair, staring mindlessly at a spot on his wall. Thinking about it, Grissom realizes that a normally very talkative Sara Sidle has been barely speaking as of late unless she needs to. Sara usually starts talking out a scene as soon as they get there, throwing out ideas and theories before she sees all the evidence. More than once he has had to stop her, but now Grissom can't remember the last time that happened. Walking in front of her and perching himself intentionally on the edge of his desk, the action establishing that he is in control, Grissom considers what to say before deciding to just come out with it.
"Sara, I want you to talk to someone."
Her head snaps up with a confused look. "Excuse me?"
"I want to you talk to a professional about this. I can't even begin to understand, and you need to get this off your chest to someone who can really help you." He keeps his tone serious, so she knows he isn't kidding.
"I don't think that's necessary, Grissom. I had a.moment of weakness, I'll be fine now." She gives him one of the smiles saved only for him in hopes of convincing him all is well.
"Sorry Sara, I think it's necessary. You can't really see this objectively."
Sara recognizes the tone he is using and becomes angry. She sits up straight in the chair, the air of defiance now visible. "You're pulling rank aren't you? You are going to order me to go, use your supervisor status over me. I don't believe this, you asshole! Objectively? Look who's talking, the guy who is sleeping with said subordinate."
"Listen to me, Sara. This is not an order.yet. I am not doing it to pull rank, or show I am the boss; I am doing it for you. You need to talk to someone besides me, and you barely talk to me as it is. I will make this an order if you force my hand, Sara, and I don't want to do that. You have had enough people forcing you to do things; don't make me one of them. I want you to go willingly. Just talk to the department psychologist, please."
Sara looks in his eyes and nods silently.
"Ok, make an appointment by tomorrow." He finally removes himself from the desk and squats in front of her. "I just don't want to lose the Sara I love to this guy, I need you too much."
"Yeah, I know. I will drop by before I leave."
"Thank you. Find Catherine and help her on the homicide."
"No, Grissom, I can process what we have. Simple suicide, won't take long, I can process the whole thing before leaving. I won't touch the pictures, how's that?" She gives him a genuine smile.
"Ok, but at anytime, remove yourself."
"Deal. I'll find Nick and see you after shift."
"Ok," he says, and watches her leave with a good feeling for the first time in weeks that everything will be fine.
Approaching the closed door, Sara has to fight not to turn on one heel and run in the other direction. Etched into the smoky glass is a name- Elizabeth Markey, MD. Under the name is one word, the word that bothers Sara- Department Psychologist. Taking a deep breath, she opens the door and steps in.
"Sara, from speaking with you on the phone I know what is going on in the clinical sense. You have been stalked for almost." Elizabeth looks down a her notes. "eight weeks, by a man who saw you initially at a crime scene. So far you have received notes, calls, flowers, and he broke into your apartment."
"Let's start with some information about you. I pulled your records, they're exemplary. You close nearly 100% of your cases, max out on overtime, seems you enjoy your work. What do you do in your free time?"
Sara has to admit she likes the doctor; her office is comfortable without being too much like a psychiatrist's. Something about her puts Sara at ease; her soothing tone or the fact she wears jeans and a t-shirt to work. Sara listens to the woman break down her problem and her life into four sentences. 'Yeah, that makes me feel better. Reduce my life to a small paragraph. Why am I even here? Grissom, I am here for him.' Snapping out of her thoughts Sara, realizes the doctor had asked her a question. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Do you do anything in your free time?"
"Not really; read books, listen to my scanner, read the latest journals. Something wrong with that?" Sara takes a defensive tactic; she suddenly doesn't want to be here.
"Sara, listen, I am not here to judge you, or what you do off-hours. Understand that anything you tell me is privileged. This is a safe environment; nothing gets out. I want to help you deal with what is happening to you, that's all. But I really need you to cut me some slack. Let's start out with being honest. I spoke to Mr. Grissom about the event that led you here."
"Oh my God, he told you about that? Why would you talk to him? How much did he tell you?" Sara narrows her eyes at the woman sitting across the table from her.
"He came to me, Sara, after you made your appointment. He had a feeling you wouldn't tell me willingly, and I get the sense that he was right. He told me everything, Sara; I know about your relationship."
"Why am I even here? You can just talk to him and shrink me that way." Anger flashes in her eyes.
Elizabeth takes a deep breath. She had known that this would be a tough session. "The reason you are here is that you need to talk to someone about what you are feeling. You have to let it out, Sara, or this WILL consume you and you will be no good to anyone. Not as an investigator, friend, or lover." Seeing Sara soften a little, Elizabeth continues. "He loves you, Sara. He is frightened for you; they all are. I think you mean more to all of them than you understand."
Nodding, Sara slumps into the chair a little before Elizabeth starts again. "Sara, talk to me. Tell me what happened the other night."
Sara starts slowly, unsure herself what happened. "I was taking pictures of a suicide vic. No big deal. The next thing I know, I'm thinking how easy it would be to just.kill.myself. You know, take a few pills and be done with it. Wouldn't have to deal with this anymore, done. I couldn't believe it; I thought I was going to be sick right there in the vic's house. I had to leave and get air. Everything just seems so.confused, I don't know what to do, how to make it stop. At the time that seemed like the best solution. I NEVER would have done it; just the thought was enough to scare me."
Almost a full hour later, Sara has unloaded all her thoughts and feelings since Joey started stalking her. She hadn't expected this to work; telling strangers her thoughts is not something she would generally do willingly, but now she is glad she did. While not 100% back to the Sara of before, she feels better than she had before she'd walked through that door.
"Sara, you are suffering from depression; understandable considering the circumstances. I will give you a prescription for an anti-depressant.."
"No, thank you. I don't need it."
"Ok, if you change your mind, come see me again. Feel free to stop by whenever you need to, that's what I am here for."
"Thank you, Elizabeth. I'll keep it in mind. Actually, it's been almost a week with no contact from him. Maybe he gave up." With that, Sara gets up and heads to the door.
"Sara, you need to know that stalkers are more persistent than that. Stalkers who never threaten their prey typically are the ones who become violent. Joey hasn't threatened you; you need to be careful, ok?"
Sara considers her words carefully. She is probably right, he could be out there somewhere, planning, or he could be halfway across the country. "Yeah. A smart guy would be halfway across country by now. As Warrick said 'he should be in Michigan playing QB for the Lions, can't do worse than what they have.'" Sara smiles, thanks the other woman one more time and closes the door.
A week after her appointment with Dr. Markey, Sara is again standing in Grissom's bathroom looking at her reflection in the mirror. She hasn't gained any weight back, but some color has returned to her skin and the sparkle is back in her eyes. Grissom had actually pointed that out to her the other day. Sara thinks about the man lying in the next room, still sleeping quietly. She doesn't know what she would do without him; she owes the fact that she is on better emotional footing to him.
While she is not back to the strong person she once was, Sara is well on her way. She still has nightmares, but they come less frequently now, and she hasn't been back to her apartment except to grab some personal items. She is still looking out for Joey, but as the days pass, she finds herself doing it less regularly. One thing she can't seem to shake, though, is a panic attack almost every time the phone rings, Elizabeth had told her it is now a conditioned response for her. Some time and a lot of phone calls that aren't him should begin to fade the response. Sara is hoping for soon; she just wants to be back to normal.
Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, Sara leaves the bathroom and looks at Grissom lying on the bed, naked from the waist up, the sheet just touching his rib cage. Slowly approaching the bed, Sara lifts the covers and lies down next to him. Sliding as close as she can to his warm body, she runs a finger lightly up and down his chest, rousing him from sleep.
"Hey," he says though half open eyes. "What time is it?"
"Three, early yet," she replies and kisses his neck lightly, feeling him shiver from her lips. Moving up, she lightly kisses his lips, feeling a tingle all the way through her body at the contact. Slowly, Sara moves so she is now laying mostly on him, her legs tangled with his. Running her fingers through his curly hair, Sara deepens the kiss, running her tongue against his lips to gain access.
Grissom moans quietly when Sara pushes her tongue into his mouth and places his hands firmly on her hips. This is the first time they have been intimate since Sedona, and Grissom realizes how much he missed this part of her, the part that no one sees except him. Finally, Sara pulls away from his mouth, only to smile seductively at him and return to raining kisses on his neck and collarbone. Pushing the sheet off them with one motion, Grissom wraps his arms around her waist and rolls them over, placing her securely under him. Pulling her shirt off, Grissom once again marvels how this came to be, Sara lying in his bed, now half naked thanks to him. He is pulled out of the thought by her hand snaking around his neck and pulling him in for an earth shattering kiss. Stopping momentarily for breath, Grissom looks into her deep brown eyes and sees only the Sara he knew before, the Sara that he fell in love with weeks ago. Cupping her face gently with both hands, he kisses her forehead.
"I love you, Sara. More than you know."
"I love you too, Gris," she says and smiles while one hand slides under the waistband of his boxers. What she does to him indeed.
Sara wakes with a start; she can't remember having slept that long without a nightmare. Glancing at the clock's orange glow, she moans audibly and turns on her side, facing Grissom. Running one finger down the side of his face, she marvels at the man in front of her yet again.
"Time to get up?" he mumbles into the pillow.
"Yeah, unfortunately. As much as I would love to stay in bed with you all night, I am sure some deviant out there is making work for us."
"Probably, plus I have a meeting this evening with Ecklie and Mobley. They decided so have a status meeting at night so I would have to be there. Who would you rather work with? Nick or Warrick?"
She raises one eyebrow at him; he never gives them choices. "Do you really have to ask? Nick. Why are you asking? Not to beat a dead horse, but you are the boss."
"Just thought I would give you the option. If you're complaining I won't do it again," he retorts with a smile and sits up, swinging his legs off one side of the bed.
"Nope, not complaining. Thanks." She kneels behind him and wraps her arms around his shoulders.
"You're welcome. Now I need a shower, care to join me?"
"Grissom, seriously, thank you for everything. If I didn't have you, well, I don't want to think what may have happened."
He can see the near tears in her eyes. "God Sara, you're welcome. I can't imagine life without you."
After a comfortable silence, he speaks again. "So, how about that shower?"
A smile is all he gets before she hops off the bed, grabs his hand, and leads him into the bathroom.
'It's been two weeks since I have seen her,' he thinks as he paces the small hotel room. Getting lost in Las Vegas had been easy for Joey; a quick dye job to blonde and he had been all set. A room in one of the smaller hotels was equally easy, since his picture hadn't been circulating until he was already checked in. Pay cash and you get few questions asked. But now he is going crazy. He has to see her, has to make her understand that crossing him will cost her; he needs to send a message. She won't get away with sending her boyfriend out to catch him. Grabbing her shirt, he brings it to his face again, the scent of her quickly fading off the often-handled garment. He needs to see her, now. Her behavior lately has been unacceptable. She's cheating on him, and if there is one thing he won't tolerate, it's infidelity.
Joey starts pacing the confines of the room, his anger at Sara growing with every step. 'She needs to be taught a lesson. I won't forgive her for this. She needs to learn I am in control,' he thinks and finally stops pacing, looking at the clock. 'Sara will be on shift in 5 hours, plenty of time.' Grabbing his card key for the door, Joey goes out to the parking structure at the hotel. Finding a truck that is just outside the security camera's eye is difficult, but after some searching, keeping his head down and a hat on, he finds one. Quickly breaking in and starting the engine, Joey swiftly maneuvers out of the lot and onto the freeway.
Arriving at work, Grissom quickly relays that he will be in a meeting the first few hours, and that once he is done, he will meet Sara and Nick at their 419. As Nick and Sara gather their kits, Grissom meets them in the hallway.
"Don't forget, Harrington may be quiet, but he is probably not gone. Watch each others'backs, okay? Without contact, they had to pull her protection."
"Got it, Gris. Don't worry, she's safe with me," Nick replies, confident he can handle whatever Harrington has to offer. Sara just sighs at the men and grabs Nick's arm, pulling him with her and away from Grissom.
Guiding her out to the Tahoe, Nick makes an attempt to lighten the mood by telling yet another of his stupid jokes. Only this time, he actually gets a laugh out of Sara instead of the uncaring look as of late.
"Ok, Nicky, THAT one was funny." She gives him a genuine smile as they climb into the truck.
He watches from the other side of the road as Sara gets in the passenger side of the vehicle. Twisting her shirt violently in his hands, he starts the truck and follows the SUV into traffic, careful to stay far enough back to not be noticed. He continues to follow them onto the freeway, waiting for an opportunity.
"How are you feeling, Sara? You look better and you are really acting more like yourself," he asks, not taking his eyes off the road. Traffic is heavy on the surface streets as he pulls onto the freeway, taking little notice of the black Silverado six cars back.
"Thanks Nick. I feel better; I think a lot of that is Grissom though. He helps more than he knows. Those few days with Grissom in Sedona was the first time in a while that I wasn't looking over my shoulder and wondering. Things are easing up, but I can't bear to go back to my apartment. Just knowing that he went through my things, it's the worst feeling ever. You know that. How long did it take you, to feel like home is home?" She turns in her seat and faces him, wondering why it hadn't occurred to her before to ask him about it.
"Honestly, my house is finally starting to feel like mine again, almost a year later. It's a hard thing to shake off. You're right, it's the worst feeling ever to know someone went through your things; you feel violated. Slowly the feelings start to fade, and things become normal again. But it's a long process. If I can help.."
"I know, thanks Nick. I might take you up on that. Grissom is good to me, but he doesn't understand, you know?"
"Yeah. I know."
"Nick, I'm sorry.sorry for never asking how you're doing. We're friends, I."
"It's ok, Sara. Really, that's in the past." He looks around at the light traffic, sees that there are maybe ten other cars on the highway, and figures there shouldn't be any slowdowns. She nods at him and turns forward in her seat.
Seeing the construction signs, an idea starts to form in Joey's head, and he closes the gap between him and the Tahoe, bringing himself within half a car length. 'She'll see what I can do.'
Nick looks into the rearview mirror as they approach the start of construction and furrows his forehead. Sara notices the action and questions him about it.
"There is a black Silverado behind us. I swear I saw the same one earlier before we got on the freeway."
"Nick you are probably being paranoid," she says and twists in her seat to look behind them as the lights on the truck get closer. The Vegas dusk allows her enough light to get a view of the driver. "SHIT. It's him." Her voice is panicked.
"Ok, get your cell phone and call Brass right now," Nick says, keeping one eye on the Silverado, taking a moment to check the traffic again. In that instant, Joey guns the engine and rams the back of their vehicle, causing Sara to drop the cell phone.
Looking in the mirror, Nick swears he can see the man's face in the reflection, and all he sees is anger.
"NICK!" Sara's scream brings his attention to the road and he swerves in time to miss a large sign indicating that they need to merge right in 500 yards.
"Sorry," he says as they are rammed once again. This time he can feel the vehicle sliding out from under his control. Using the techniques they learned in the academy, Nick gets control back. Sara is searching for the cell phone, without much luck.
Joey watches Nick gain control and becomes angrier; he has no right to interfere. Looking ahead, he smiles and brings the Silverado on the right side of the Tahoe, forcing it to the left and into the construction.
Looking over at Sara quickly, Nick sees her searching for the missing phone. Over her head, however, he sees Joey. The man is smiling, his grin nothing short of evil. Turning back to the road, Nick sees trouble. Directly in front of them, and getting closer exponentially, are concrete barriers used to guide traffic. Looking at his speed, Nick knows they have no hope of survival at 50 miles an hour. Slamming on the brakes, and trying to turn the vehicle, Nick hears the tires squeal, can smell the rubber, and feels the steering column shake from the stress.
Sara feels Nick brake hard and looks up, a short scream coming out of her mouth as she feels Nick's arm come across her abdomen in an automatic gesture to protect her. She hears the front of the truck make contact with the barrier, the sounds of metal twisting and glass breaking permeating the air. She thinks she hears Nick make a moaning noise. A sudden feeling of weightlessness comes over her and she realizes the truck is flipping over. The last thing Sara hears is Nick calling her name before a sharp pain stings her head and blackness overtakes her.
Nick throws his arm across the vehicle, making contact with Sara's midsection before he feels the car hit the barrier. The steering wheel is pushed into his chest from the force of the impact, and the engine block shifts backward into the passenger compartment. Crying out as the pain courses through his body, Nick senses the truck flipping and calls out Sara's name before the pain takes over and he drifts into unconsciousness.
Joey watches as the Tahoe spectacularly flips once before coming to a stop righted on its tires. Smiling to himself, he wonders if she is dead or alive, then instantly becomes regretful for his actions; he doesn't want her dead, she means too much to him. He watches as a car stops and someone gets out, running over to the Tahoe and pulling out a cell phone to call for help. Putting the truck in gear, he drives off, not wanting to get caught and not be able to apologize to her for his rash actions. He needs to get back to the hotel, and hide for a while.
The first thing she is aware of is excruciating pain; it seems to Sara that every part of her body aches. She takes a moment to asses injuries. She can feel blood slowly running down one side of her face, leaving sticky streaks; moving her feet, she sucks in a sharp breath at pain that courses through her from the left one. Finally opening her eyes, Sara is aware of being right side up. Everything seems to be fuzzy, though; she can see someone on her side of the vehicle, she can feel them pressing their fingers into her neck and telling someone she is alive.
'Nick,' she thinks and turns her head slowly to the side, trying to get a look at him, but every move causes pain to shoot through her head. Wanting to clear her vision, Sara tries to bring up her right arm, only to be met with a stabbing pain. 'Shit, it must be broken.' Taking a painful breath, Sara blinks a few times and turns her head fully to the driver's side. What she sees brings tears to her eyes. Nick is pinned back into the driver's seat by the steering wheel, a large gash on his forehead bleeding profusely and covering his face in red; the effect is Halloweenish. She can see that his right leg looks broken, and she doesn't want to think about all the internal injuries; he is probably hemorrhaging internally by now. His eyes are closed, his head turned toward her, resting on the seat, and she can't tell if he is breathing or not.
"Nick," she croaks out, her voice barely above a whisper. "Nicky, please wake up. Talk to me. Please." She is crying by now, desperate for her best friend to say something, anything, to tell her he isn't dead.
"Miss, miss, are you ok?" she hears from her right side out the now- missing window. "We called an ambulance, they should be here soon. Hang on."
"Nick, you have to help him," she says without turning. "Please help him." Though never one to believe in organized religion, Sara finds herself praying for Nick, praying he is alive and wakes up soon. As if on cue, a low moan comes from his direction in the vehicle. Lifting her left arm, Sara reaches over and touches his face.
"Nick, please talk to me. Come on, something, just so I know you are ok."
"Sara?" Her name is said so quietly, she isn't sure if she even hears it until Nick says it again, slightly louder. "Sara? You ok?"
"Yeah Nick, I'm fine. Just relax, help is on the way," she says and rubs his arm slowly.
"I'm sorry, Sar. I was supposed to protect you." He slowly opens his eyes, relieved to actually see her and know it isn't a dream.
"Don't be sorry, Nick, you probably saved our lives. Now stop talking."
"It hurts. A lot, everything hurts.."
"Shhhh, Nick. I know it hurts. They're coming, can you hear the ambulance?" She reaches farther up and touches his cheek, noticing the pale color of his face. Looking closer, she sees a trail of blood coming from the side of his mouth and has to resist crying.
"Yeah. They won't make it, baby, I can feel it. Love you, Sar. You and Grissom take care of each other, ok? Promise me."
"NO! No, I don't promise, Nick. No goodbyes, do you hear me? Don't do this, you'll be fine; they're here, stay with me just a few more minutes. Please, Nick, please. Hang on." Her words are heavy with desperation as tears fall down her cheeks. By the time he closes his eyes, Sara is sobbing noiselessly as she reaches over and touches his neck, finding a slow and irregular pulse. Turing her head quickly to the side, ignoring the pain, Sara gets the approaching medic's attention.
"No. Not me. You have to help him first. Please hurry, his pulse is weak and I'm sure he is bleeding internally."
"Ok, ma'am. We will have you out of there in less than two minutes, ok?"
"Quickly, he's dying," she whimpers and grabs Nick's hand.
tbc........
Author: CSIphile/Stepf
Ratings/Disclaimers: PG-13. I looked for the receipt, but alas I cant find one.
Notes: Ok, remember waaaay back when I said the fic was done and 28 chapters, and remember a while later when I said my math skills sucked. Put those two things together and what do you get.an author who missed another chapter. It actually IS 29 chapters, I SWEAR, no more changes, I tripled- checked. With any luck, this whole thing will be posted by the end of the month, actually it has to be, you'll find out why later.
Alright, some light swearing here folks. Sorry this took so long, it's just a super long chapter to beta and a lot of work. Hope you enjoy it, and I want y'all to be prepared, while writing this section I almost cried...seriously, and I never cry. My beta had the same reaction, don't know if any of you will, but consider yourself prepared!!
Thanks: Standing eternal thanks to Meg and Dev, you girls know what for. Big thanks to those who reviewed, really, glad you guys enjoyed the ending last chapter. And good to know I didn't scare off any readers. And thank you so much for the patience, my beta and I appreciate it to no end!
Arriving at the lab, Grissom instructs Sara to wait in his office while he finds Nick. Quickly locating the young man in the computer lab, searching Joey's history, Grissom notices the tired and worn expression on his face. Realization dawns on Grissom; this is hitting the rest of the team as hard as him and Sara.
"Nick, I need you to do me a favor. Process what we found at our scene. Shouldn't take long, no foul play, straight up suicide. Sara can't stay on the case for reasons I can't disclose right now. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure Gris. Is Sara ok?" Fear is etched on Nick's face.
"I don't think so, Nick." As he starts to leave the room, a thought occurs to him and he turns back. "If I can't get her to listen to me, will you try talking to her? You're close."
"Sure, no problem, but can I ask what about?"
"I'll let you know later, hopefully it won't come to that." Grissom sighs and leaves Nick to process his evidence.
Opening the door to his office, Grissom finds Sara sitting quietly in one of the chairs across from his desk, seemingly staring into space. Watching her for a moment, Grissom takes in her body language. Normally Sara is defiant, confident, and that shows in her movements and language. Now, she looks defeated, tired; she is slumped down in the chair, staring mindlessly at a spot on his wall. Thinking about it, Grissom realizes that a normally very talkative Sara Sidle has been barely speaking as of late unless she needs to. Sara usually starts talking out a scene as soon as they get there, throwing out ideas and theories before she sees all the evidence. More than once he has had to stop her, but now Grissom can't remember the last time that happened. Walking in front of her and perching himself intentionally on the edge of his desk, the action establishing that he is in control, Grissom considers what to say before deciding to just come out with it.
"Sara, I want you to talk to someone."
Her head snaps up with a confused look. "Excuse me?"
"I want to you talk to a professional about this. I can't even begin to understand, and you need to get this off your chest to someone who can really help you." He keeps his tone serious, so she knows he isn't kidding.
"I don't think that's necessary, Grissom. I had a.moment of weakness, I'll be fine now." She gives him one of the smiles saved only for him in hopes of convincing him all is well.
"Sorry Sara, I think it's necessary. You can't really see this objectively."
Sara recognizes the tone he is using and becomes angry. She sits up straight in the chair, the air of defiance now visible. "You're pulling rank aren't you? You are going to order me to go, use your supervisor status over me. I don't believe this, you asshole! Objectively? Look who's talking, the guy who is sleeping with said subordinate."
"Listen to me, Sara. This is not an order.yet. I am not doing it to pull rank, or show I am the boss; I am doing it for you. You need to talk to someone besides me, and you barely talk to me as it is. I will make this an order if you force my hand, Sara, and I don't want to do that. You have had enough people forcing you to do things; don't make me one of them. I want you to go willingly. Just talk to the department psychologist, please."
Sara looks in his eyes and nods silently.
"Ok, make an appointment by tomorrow." He finally removes himself from the desk and squats in front of her. "I just don't want to lose the Sara I love to this guy, I need you too much."
"Yeah, I know. I will drop by before I leave."
"Thank you. Find Catherine and help her on the homicide."
"No, Grissom, I can process what we have. Simple suicide, won't take long, I can process the whole thing before leaving. I won't touch the pictures, how's that?" She gives him a genuine smile.
"Ok, but at anytime, remove yourself."
"Deal. I'll find Nick and see you after shift."
"Ok," he says, and watches her leave with a good feeling for the first time in weeks that everything will be fine.
Approaching the closed door, Sara has to fight not to turn on one heel and run in the other direction. Etched into the smoky glass is a name- Elizabeth Markey, MD. Under the name is one word, the word that bothers Sara- Department Psychologist. Taking a deep breath, she opens the door and steps in.
"Sara, from speaking with you on the phone I know what is going on in the clinical sense. You have been stalked for almost." Elizabeth looks down a her notes. "eight weeks, by a man who saw you initially at a crime scene. So far you have received notes, calls, flowers, and he broke into your apartment."
"Let's start with some information about you. I pulled your records, they're exemplary. You close nearly 100% of your cases, max out on overtime, seems you enjoy your work. What do you do in your free time?"
Sara has to admit she likes the doctor; her office is comfortable without being too much like a psychiatrist's. Something about her puts Sara at ease; her soothing tone or the fact she wears jeans and a t-shirt to work. Sara listens to the woman break down her problem and her life into four sentences. 'Yeah, that makes me feel better. Reduce my life to a small paragraph. Why am I even here? Grissom, I am here for him.' Snapping out of her thoughts Sara, realizes the doctor had asked her a question. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Do you do anything in your free time?"
"Not really; read books, listen to my scanner, read the latest journals. Something wrong with that?" Sara takes a defensive tactic; she suddenly doesn't want to be here.
"Sara, listen, I am not here to judge you, or what you do off-hours. Understand that anything you tell me is privileged. This is a safe environment; nothing gets out. I want to help you deal with what is happening to you, that's all. But I really need you to cut me some slack. Let's start out with being honest. I spoke to Mr. Grissom about the event that led you here."
"Oh my God, he told you about that? Why would you talk to him? How much did he tell you?" Sara narrows her eyes at the woman sitting across the table from her.
"He came to me, Sara, after you made your appointment. He had a feeling you wouldn't tell me willingly, and I get the sense that he was right. He told me everything, Sara; I know about your relationship."
"Why am I even here? You can just talk to him and shrink me that way." Anger flashes in her eyes.
Elizabeth takes a deep breath. She had known that this would be a tough session. "The reason you are here is that you need to talk to someone about what you are feeling. You have to let it out, Sara, or this WILL consume you and you will be no good to anyone. Not as an investigator, friend, or lover." Seeing Sara soften a little, Elizabeth continues. "He loves you, Sara. He is frightened for you; they all are. I think you mean more to all of them than you understand."
Nodding, Sara slumps into the chair a little before Elizabeth starts again. "Sara, talk to me. Tell me what happened the other night."
Sara starts slowly, unsure herself what happened. "I was taking pictures of a suicide vic. No big deal. The next thing I know, I'm thinking how easy it would be to just.kill.myself. You know, take a few pills and be done with it. Wouldn't have to deal with this anymore, done. I couldn't believe it; I thought I was going to be sick right there in the vic's house. I had to leave and get air. Everything just seems so.confused, I don't know what to do, how to make it stop. At the time that seemed like the best solution. I NEVER would have done it; just the thought was enough to scare me."
Almost a full hour later, Sara has unloaded all her thoughts and feelings since Joey started stalking her. She hadn't expected this to work; telling strangers her thoughts is not something she would generally do willingly, but now she is glad she did. While not 100% back to the Sara of before, she feels better than she had before she'd walked through that door.
"Sara, you are suffering from depression; understandable considering the circumstances. I will give you a prescription for an anti-depressant.."
"No, thank you. I don't need it."
"Ok, if you change your mind, come see me again. Feel free to stop by whenever you need to, that's what I am here for."
"Thank you, Elizabeth. I'll keep it in mind. Actually, it's been almost a week with no contact from him. Maybe he gave up." With that, Sara gets up and heads to the door.
"Sara, you need to know that stalkers are more persistent than that. Stalkers who never threaten their prey typically are the ones who become violent. Joey hasn't threatened you; you need to be careful, ok?"
Sara considers her words carefully. She is probably right, he could be out there somewhere, planning, or he could be halfway across the country. "Yeah. A smart guy would be halfway across country by now. As Warrick said 'he should be in Michigan playing QB for the Lions, can't do worse than what they have.'" Sara smiles, thanks the other woman one more time and closes the door.
A week after her appointment with Dr. Markey, Sara is again standing in Grissom's bathroom looking at her reflection in the mirror. She hasn't gained any weight back, but some color has returned to her skin and the sparkle is back in her eyes. Grissom had actually pointed that out to her the other day. Sara thinks about the man lying in the next room, still sleeping quietly. She doesn't know what she would do without him; she owes the fact that she is on better emotional footing to him.
While she is not back to the strong person she once was, Sara is well on her way. She still has nightmares, but they come less frequently now, and she hasn't been back to her apartment except to grab some personal items. She is still looking out for Joey, but as the days pass, she finds herself doing it less regularly. One thing she can't seem to shake, though, is a panic attack almost every time the phone rings, Elizabeth had told her it is now a conditioned response for her. Some time and a lot of phone calls that aren't him should begin to fade the response. Sara is hoping for soon; she just wants to be back to normal.
Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, Sara leaves the bathroom and looks at Grissom lying on the bed, naked from the waist up, the sheet just touching his rib cage. Slowly approaching the bed, Sara lifts the covers and lies down next to him. Sliding as close as she can to his warm body, she runs a finger lightly up and down his chest, rousing him from sleep.
"Hey," he says though half open eyes. "What time is it?"
"Three, early yet," she replies and kisses his neck lightly, feeling him shiver from her lips. Moving up, she lightly kisses his lips, feeling a tingle all the way through her body at the contact. Slowly, Sara moves so she is now laying mostly on him, her legs tangled with his. Running her fingers through his curly hair, Sara deepens the kiss, running her tongue against his lips to gain access.
Grissom moans quietly when Sara pushes her tongue into his mouth and places his hands firmly on her hips. This is the first time they have been intimate since Sedona, and Grissom realizes how much he missed this part of her, the part that no one sees except him. Finally, Sara pulls away from his mouth, only to smile seductively at him and return to raining kisses on his neck and collarbone. Pushing the sheet off them with one motion, Grissom wraps his arms around her waist and rolls them over, placing her securely under him. Pulling her shirt off, Grissom once again marvels how this came to be, Sara lying in his bed, now half naked thanks to him. He is pulled out of the thought by her hand snaking around his neck and pulling him in for an earth shattering kiss. Stopping momentarily for breath, Grissom looks into her deep brown eyes and sees only the Sara he knew before, the Sara that he fell in love with weeks ago. Cupping her face gently with both hands, he kisses her forehead.
"I love you, Sara. More than you know."
"I love you too, Gris," she says and smiles while one hand slides under the waistband of his boxers. What she does to him indeed.
Sara wakes with a start; she can't remember having slept that long without a nightmare. Glancing at the clock's orange glow, she moans audibly and turns on her side, facing Grissom. Running one finger down the side of his face, she marvels at the man in front of her yet again.
"Time to get up?" he mumbles into the pillow.
"Yeah, unfortunately. As much as I would love to stay in bed with you all night, I am sure some deviant out there is making work for us."
"Probably, plus I have a meeting this evening with Ecklie and Mobley. They decided so have a status meeting at night so I would have to be there. Who would you rather work with? Nick or Warrick?"
She raises one eyebrow at him; he never gives them choices. "Do you really have to ask? Nick. Why are you asking? Not to beat a dead horse, but you are the boss."
"Just thought I would give you the option. If you're complaining I won't do it again," he retorts with a smile and sits up, swinging his legs off one side of the bed.
"Nope, not complaining. Thanks." She kneels behind him and wraps her arms around his shoulders.
"You're welcome. Now I need a shower, care to join me?"
"Grissom, seriously, thank you for everything. If I didn't have you, well, I don't want to think what may have happened."
He can see the near tears in her eyes. "God Sara, you're welcome. I can't imagine life without you."
After a comfortable silence, he speaks again. "So, how about that shower?"
A smile is all he gets before she hops off the bed, grabs his hand, and leads him into the bathroom.
'It's been two weeks since I have seen her,' he thinks as he paces the small hotel room. Getting lost in Las Vegas had been easy for Joey; a quick dye job to blonde and he had been all set. A room in one of the smaller hotels was equally easy, since his picture hadn't been circulating until he was already checked in. Pay cash and you get few questions asked. But now he is going crazy. He has to see her, has to make her understand that crossing him will cost her; he needs to send a message. She won't get away with sending her boyfriend out to catch him. Grabbing her shirt, he brings it to his face again, the scent of her quickly fading off the often-handled garment. He needs to see her, now. Her behavior lately has been unacceptable. She's cheating on him, and if there is one thing he won't tolerate, it's infidelity.
Joey starts pacing the confines of the room, his anger at Sara growing with every step. 'She needs to be taught a lesson. I won't forgive her for this. She needs to learn I am in control,' he thinks and finally stops pacing, looking at the clock. 'Sara will be on shift in 5 hours, plenty of time.' Grabbing his card key for the door, Joey goes out to the parking structure at the hotel. Finding a truck that is just outside the security camera's eye is difficult, but after some searching, keeping his head down and a hat on, he finds one. Quickly breaking in and starting the engine, Joey swiftly maneuvers out of the lot and onto the freeway.
Arriving at work, Grissom quickly relays that he will be in a meeting the first few hours, and that once he is done, he will meet Sara and Nick at their 419. As Nick and Sara gather their kits, Grissom meets them in the hallway.
"Don't forget, Harrington may be quiet, but he is probably not gone. Watch each others'backs, okay? Without contact, they had to pull her protection."
"Got it, Gris. Don't worry, she's safe with me," Nick replies, confident he can handle whatever Harrington has to offer. Sara just sighs at the men and grabs Nick's arm, pulling him with her and away from Grissom.
Guiding her out to the Tahoe, Nick makes an attempt to lighten the mood by telling yet another of his stupid jokes. Only this time, he actually gets a laugh out of Sara instead of the uncaring look as of late.
"Ok, Nicky, THAT one was funny." She gives him a genuine smile as they climb into the truck.
He watches from the other side of the road as Sara gets in the passenger side of the vehicle. Twisting her shirt violently in his hands, he starts the truck and follows the SUV into traffic, careful to stay far enough back to not be noticed. He continues to follow them onto the freeway, waiting for an opportunity.
"How are you feeling, Sara? You look better and you are really acting more like yourself," he asks, not taking his eyes off the road. Traffic is heavy on the surface streets as he pulls onto the freeway, taking little notice of the black Silverado six cars back.
"Thanks Nick. I feel better; I think a lot of that is Grissom though. He helps more than he knows. Those few days with Grissom in Sedona was the first time in a while that I wasn't looking over my shoulder and wondering. Things are easing up, but I can't bear to go back to my apartment. Just knowing that he went through my things, it's the worst feeling ever. You know that. How long did it take you, to feel like home is home?" She turns in her seat and faces him, wondering why it hadn't occurred to her before to ask him about it.
"Honestly, my house is finally starting to feel like mine again, almost a year later. It's a hard thing to shake off. You're right, it's the worst feeling ever to know someone went through your things; you feel violated. Slowly the feelings start to fade, and things become normal again. But it's a long process. If I can help.."
"I know, thanks Nick. I might take you up on that. Grissom is good to me, but he doesn't understand, you know?"
"Yeah. I know."
"Nick, I'm sorry.sorry for never asking how you're doing. We're friends, I."
"It's ok, Sara. Really, that's in the past." He looks around at the light traffic, sees that there are maybe ten other cars on the highway, and figures there shouldn't be any slowdowns. She nods at him and turns forward in her seat.
Seeing the construction signs, an idea starts to form in Joey's head, and he closes the gap between him and the Tahoe, bringing himself within half a car length. 'She'll see what I can do.'
Nick looks into the rearview mirror as they approach the start of construction and furrows his forehead. Sara notices the action and questions him about it.
"There is a black Silverado behind us. I swear I saw the same one earlier before we got on the freeway."
"Nick you are probably being paranoid," she says and twists in her seat to look behind them as the lights on the truck get closer. The Vegas dusk allows her enough light to get a view of the driver. "SHIT. It's him." Her voice is panicked.
"Ok, get your cell phone and call Brass right now," Nick says, keeping one eye on the Silverado, taking a moment to check the traffic again. In that instant, Joey guns the engine and rams the back of their vehicle, causing Sara to drop the cell phone.
Looking in the mirror, Nick swears he can see the man's face in the reflection, and all he sees is anger.
"NICK!" Sara's scream brings his attention to the road and he swerves in time to miss a large sign indicating that they need to merge right in 500 yards.
"Sorry," he says as they are rammed once again. This time he can feel the vehicle sliding out from under his control. Using the techniques they learned in the academy, Nick gets control back. Sara is searching for the cell phone, without much luck.
Joey watches Nick gain control and becomes angrier; he has no right to interfere. Looking ahead, he smiles and brings the Silverado on the right side of the Tahoe, forcing it to the left and into the construction.
Looking over at Sara quickly, Nick sees her searching for the missing phone. Over her head, however, he sees Joey. The man is smiling, his grin nothing short of evil. Turning back to the road, Nick sees trouble. Directly in front of them, and getting closer exponentially, are concrete barriers used to guide traffic. Looking at his speed, Nick knows they have no hope of survival at 50 miles an hour. Slamming on the brakes, and trying to turn the vehicle, Nick hears the tires squeal, can smell the rubber, and feels the steering column shake from the stress.
Sara feels Nick brake hard and looks up, a short scream coming out of her mouth as she feels Nick's arm come across her abdomen in an automatic gesture to protect her. She hears the front of the truck make contact with the barrier, the sounds of metal twisting and glass breaking permeating the air. She thinks she hears Nick make a moaning noise. A sudden feeling of weightlessness comes over her and she realizes the truck is flipping over. The last thing Sara hears is Nick calling her name before a sharp pain stings her head and blackness overtakes her.
Nick throws his arm across the vehicle, making contact with Sara's midsection before he feels the car hit the barrier. The steering wheel is pushed into his chest from the force of the impact, and the engine block shifts backward into the passenger compartment. Crying out as the pain courses through his body, Nick senses the truck flipping and calls out Sara's name before the pain takes over and he drifts into unconsciousness.
Joey watches as the Tahoe spectacularly flips once before coming to a stop righted on its tires. Smiling to himself, he wonders if she is dead or alive, then instantly becomes regretful for his actions; he doesn't want her dead, she means too much to him. He watches as a car stops and someone gets out, running over to the Tahoe and pulling out a cell phone to call for help. Putting the truck in gear, he drives off, not wanting to get caught and not be able to apologize to her for his rash actions. He needs to get back to the hotel, and hide for a while.
The first thing she is aware of is excruciating pain; it seems to Sara that every part of her body aches. She takes a moment to asses injuries. She can feel blood slowly running down one side of her face, leaving sticky streaks; moving her feet, she sucks in a sharp breath at pain that courses through her from the left one. Finally opening her eyes, Sara is aware of being right side up. Everything seems to be fuzzy, though; she can see someone on her side of the vehicle, she can feel them pressing their fingers into her neck and telling someone she is alive.
'Nick,' she thinks and turns her head slowly to the side, trying to get a look at him, but every move causes pain to shoot through her head. Wanting to clear her vision, Sara tries to bring up her right arm, only to be met with a stabbing pain. 'Shit, it must be broken.' Taking a painful breath, Sara blinks a few times and turns her head fully to the driver's side. What she sees brings tears to her eyes. Nick is pinned back into the driver's seat by the steering wheel, a large gash on his forehead bleeding profusely and covering his face in red; the effect is Halloweenish. She can see that his right leg looks broken, and she doesn't want to think about all the internal injuries; he is probably hemorrhaging internally by now. His eyes are closed, his head turned toward her, resting on the seat, and she can't tell if he is breathing or not.
"Nick," she croaks out, her voice barely above a whisper. "Nicky, please wake up. Talk to me. Please." She is crying by now, desperate for her best friend to say something, anything, to tell her he isn't dead.
"Miss, miss, are you ok?" she hears from her right side out the now- missing window. "We called an ambulance, they should be here soon. Hang on."
"Nick, you have to help him," she says without turning. "Please help him." Though never one to believe in organized religion, Sara finds herself praying for Nick, praying he is alive and wakes up soon. As if on cue, a low moan comes from his direction in the vehicle. Lifting her left arm, Sara reaches over and touches his face.
"Nick, please talk to me. Come on, something, just so I know you are ok."
"Sara?" Her name is said so quietly, she isn't sure if she even hears it until Nick says it again, slightly louder. "Sara? You ok?"
"Yeah Nick, I'm fine. Just relax, help is on the way," she says and rubs his arm slowly.
"I'm sorry, Sar. I was supposed to protect you." He slowly opens his eyes, relieved to actually see her and know it isn't a dream.
"Don't be sorry, Nick, you probably saved our lives. Now stop talking."
"It hurts. A lot, everything hurts.."
"Shhhh, Nick. I know it hurts. They're coming, can you hear the ambulance?" She reaches farther up and touches his cheek, noticing the pale color of his face. Looking closer, she sees a trail of blood coming from the side of his mouth and has to resist crying.
"Yeah. They won't make it, baby, I can feel it. Love you, Sar. You and Grissom take care of each other, ok? Promise me."
"NO! No, I don't promise, Nick. No goodbyes, do you hear me? Don't do this, you'll be fine; they're here, stay with me just a few more minutes. Please, Nick, please. Hang on." Her words are heavy with desperation as tears fall down her cheeks. By the time he closes his eyes, Sara is sobbing noiselessly as she reaches over and touches his neck, finding a slow and irregular pulse. Turing her head quickly to the side, ignoring the pain, Sara gets the approaching medic's attention.
"No. Not me. You have to help him first. Please hurry, his pulse is weak and I'm sure he is bleeding internally."
"Ok, ma'am. We will have you out of there in less than two minutes, ok?"
"Quickly, he's dying," she whimpers and grabs Nick's hand.
tbc........