Is Connor turning into Angel? Xander and Buffy are given good reasons to think so. Lucky for them, Connor's heading back where he belongs. Meanwhile, Spike's given a reason to be jealous of Xander. Anya and Xander share a tender moment. And just about every member of Spike's band wants to date one of his friends. Also,. Willow and Buffy stumble across a new potential villain.
Buffy had taken Dawn along on a Friday night patrol. They were standing over a fresh grave. They heard noises. The vampire was rising. Its right hand shot up from the soil. Dawn leaned down, and took the vampire's right hand in her right hand. She actually pulled him up to the surface. The vampire's feet were on solid ground. He wasn't sure what was happening. Dawn put her left hand on the outside of the vampire's right hand. Dawn shook his right hand with both of her hands, as if she was warmly greeting a business associate. "Welcome to your new life," she began. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
In Dawn's right hand was a wooden stake. As Dawn shook the vampire's hand, they were both holding this stake. Dawn thrust both her hands upward and towards the vampire's heart. Dawn staked the vampire with a stake he was holding in his own right hand.
Buffy was shocked. She had killed vampires in all sorts of ways. But never like this. Dawn noticed her sister's shock. "Sometimes it's fun to kill them with kindness," she told Buffy.
Dawn was being very brazen, almost fearless. Buffy thought she knew where Dawn got that from. "Steven teach you that move?"
"Course not. Steven's not into kindness. At least when it comes to vampires. With me, of course, he's way beyond kind. This afternoon, we were walking on the beach, and the sun set over the ocean. We stopped and stood there, and he held me, and we didn't have to say anything, like we could read each other's minds. I doesn't make sense, but at that moment it felt like everything was perfect, but it could only get better."
It was worse than Buffy had thought. Even at the height of her love for Angel, Buffy never deluded herself into thinking they had some sort of mind-meld. But she didn't know how to burst Dawn's bubble without seeming incredibly cruel. Fortunately, vampires intervened and ended the conversation. Buffy and Dawn heard growling and struggle nearby. They ran to the noise.
A vampire grabbed Willow and pushed her backwards. She stumbled and fell over a gravestone. Anya kicked the vampire in the chest and punched him in the face. She wasn't much of a puncher, but she compensated by wearing brass knuckles, which tenderized vampire flesh in a most unpleasant manner. The punch knocked the vampire into the wall of a mausoleum.
Willow got up, pulled out her stake and moved in for the kill. As she tried to thrust it home the vampire turned to its left and made a run for it. He dodged Willow's stake. But in his haste to flee the vampire didn't get a good look at the ground. He took two steps, tripped over a tombstone, and fell on his face.
Buffy arrived. She pulled the vampire back to his feet. She hit him in the face with a flying kick. She connected with a roundhouse kick. Then with a left hook. Then she staked him with her right hand.
"Willow? Anya? What are you doing out her?," Dawn asked.
Buffy turned and saw them. "So that's how this works?," Anya asked Buffy. "We soften em up, then you swoop in at the last second and bogart our kill?"
Buffy was very confused. "What's going on?," she asked them.
"Uh, hello, what does it look like? We're slaying," Willow told Buffy.
Buffy looked at the two of them, with their stakes and axes, and saw Anya's brass knuckles. "Has this become some sort of extreme sport? This is not meant to a fun, exciting diversion. It's life and death. What you're doing is dangerous and foolish. When people try to have fun slaying, bad things always happen to them."
"Actually, what's foolish and dangerous is helping a vampire get back on his feet," Anya told Buffy. "All I was going to do was reach down and stake him. Those flying kicks, that's overkill. And you're at your most vulnerable when you've left the ground. It's just common sense."
Anya giving Buffy condescending advice about slaying – now that was the last straw. "I see that your brain in not connected to your muscles or your mouth. I don't know which is going to kill you first: acting without thinking or talking without thinking. Cause you're doing a lot of both. But perhaps you do know a thing or two about fighting – from all those times you were knocked flat on your ass and sat there watching me save your life."
Right then a vampire came flying through the air and landed on its back near Buffy, Dawn, Willow and Anya. The four women saw Connor, Spike and Clem run towards the vampire. When the vampire stood up, Connor leaped up in the air and hit the vampire with a powerful left spin kick. This caused the vampire to spin around while still on its feet. Clem moved in and staked it while it was still spinning. The men and the women noticed each other.
"Connor what are you doing here?," Dawn asked. "Buffy told me you were going to the movies with Xander tonight."
"Xander told me you and Buffy were going shopping tonight."
Buffy was busted. But there were more important things to deal with. "Clem slays? What, is everybody doing it?," an exasperated Buffy asked.
Spike tried to explain. "Look, Clem has a compulsion."
"It's true, I'm addicted," Clem added.
"You're addicted to killing vampires?," Buffy yelled. "I guess they really do have an addiction for everything these days. Wait a second. How can anyone be addicted to killing vampires? That's just lunacy!"
Spike tried to finish explaining. "No pet, it's adrenaline. The whole thrill of the hunt. Clem did it once, and now he's hooked. He knows it's dangerous. He knows he'll get himself killed. But he can't stop himself. So I figure it's best if he's supervised when he's getting his fix. Steven came by, so having him around made it all the more safe."
"Safe! How can giving vampires the chance to kill you ever be safe?," Buffy wondered.
"Really, they're not so tough," Willow said.
"Fine. Guess you don't need me no more on the Hellmouth," Buffy declared. "I'll go someplace where vampires are feared instead of being hunted for sport."
"Buffy, that's not what I meant," Willow responded. "I mean, run-of-the-mill vampires aren't so tough, if you've got the right weapons and you're not scared of them and you have people backing you up. But then there are those superstar vampires."
"The Big Bads," Spike added.
"Yes, exactly, like Spike once was," Willow continued. "And we need you to protect us from them."
"Or from the big, huge scary demons who come by fairly regularly," Dawn added.
"And the rest of the time you take me for granted,'' Buffy cynically concluded.
"No, no, we could never take you for granted," Willow responded.
"Just because we're not completely helpless doesn't mean we don't appreciated all you do for us," Anya concurred. "You shouldn't be upset that we're killing vampires. You inspired us to take on the vampires. What we're doing, it's an homage to you."
"I realize now that when I came to this town I should have come with a warning: don't try this yourself. But Slayers don't come with warnings. It's just assumed that no ordinary human being would be stupid enough to try to play Slayer in their free time. Did it ever occur to you that when you're out here one night you'll run into one of those Big Bads you can't defend yourselves against and you'll be dead before I can come to the rescue?"
Everyone felt a bit guilty, like children being lectured to by a parent after they've done something immature. "But that's why we went out with Steven," Spike offered as a defense. "I mean, he's not a Slayer, but he's close." Connor kind of took offense at this and looked disapprovingly at Spike. He almost saw it as an insult.
"Okay, there's a Steven exception," Buffy conceded. Then she realized who was missing from this scene. "At least Xander's not out here. Good to know one of my friends has some common sense."
"Xander, oh no!," Willow exclaimed as she looked at her watch. "I was supposed to meet him at the Bronze half an hour ago!"
"I'll drive you there," Anya said. "There's always a chance Sterling's there."
"Sterling? Who's Sterling?," Buffy wondered.
"My drummer. And Anya's new beau," Spike told Buffy. This reminded Spike of something. "By the way Buffy, are we still on for tomorrow night?"
"Sure are. Meet you at six," Buffy answered.
"You're dating Spike?," a stunned Dawn asked.
Anya and Willow arrived at the Bronze. "Xander, I'm so sorry I'm late," Willow ran up and told him.
"Not to worry. I kind of figured you were out with your girl- . . . oh, there's Anya. With you. You came here with Anya?"
"We were doing a little TGIF staking and kind of lost track of time," Anya explained.
"Used to be I was what brought you two together. No I've been replaced by bloodsucking fiends," Xander joked about this new friendship.
"Want to introduce me to the gang?," a voice said behind Willow. She turned around and it was Zooey. She was appropriately casual, in a white Babes in Toyland t-shirt and black pants. Her black braids had grown a bit longer.
"Zooey! What a surprise. A pleasant surprise, of course," a slightly flustered Willow began, realizing her worlds were suddenly merging. Anya, Xander, this is my good friend Zooey."
"So this is the Xander," Zooey began.
"The Xander?," Xander asked. "When did I become a the?"
"You are Willow's one and only Xander, aren't you?," Zooey asked.
"So far as I know, at least in this dimension," Xander joked.
"Willow said you were funny. A bit bulkier than I imagined."
"He has excessively large upper arms," Anya added out of nowhere.
"You work out?," Zooey asked.
"Not really. The only heavy things I lift are some steel I-beams at work. I do construction."
"A man who works with his hands," Zooey commented. "Yes, it's perfect. It makes so much sense."
"What makes sense?," a somewhat puzzled Willow asked Zooey.
"You two," Zooey answered. "You and Xander, as best buds. He's the perfect yang to your yin."
"I'm yang?," Xander asked. "First I was a the.' Now I'm a yang.'"
Zooey explained the story behind this overused cliche. "Yin and Yang grew up apart. They were exact opposites. Whatever Yin was great at, Yang was lousy at. Whatever Yang raged in, Yin sucked at. One day they meet. They realize they complement each other perfectly. Apart, they were weak. Together, they could do anything."
"You are amazing," Xander began. "You met me 15 seconds ago, and already, whoa. Willow, care to second my wowing?"
"Could you carve that in stone or something?," Willow half-jokingly asked. "Cause I feel like I've been immortalized, and I'm still very much a mortal."
"I work at a bookstore, so picking up useless knowledge is something of an occupational hazard. I didn't think everyone would be so shocked. I mean, the opposites thing. It's obvious, right Anya?"
"Yes, of course. It's always been obvious to everybody. But you made the obvious so frighteningly poetic. You've taken two ordinary people and turned them into storybook characters."
Zooey realize this. "Yikes, it did make them a bit larger-than-life. Sorry bout that."
"No, don't be sorry," Xander interjected. "I've always wanted the chance to be larger-than-life."
"You're in Spike's band. Have you seen Sterling around?" Anya asked Zooey.
"Who's Sterling?," Xander asked no one in particular.
"Oh yeah, you're Sterling's Anya," Zooey realized.
"Who's Sterling?," Xander asked no one in particular once again.
Zooey continued. "I saw him here a few minutes ago. He was actually looking for you. I think he's up on the balcony."
Anya walked to the stairs. "Who's Sterling?," Xander asked Anya as she walked by him.
"My boyfriend silly," Anya told Xander, as if she was telling him something he should have already figured out from the context of the conversation.
The dj started playing Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes' Philly Soul classic "The Love I Lost." "Who wants to dance with me?," Zooey asked no one in particular. She knew Willow might be uncomfortable about dancing with her, given her fears of becoming more than just Zooey's friend. So that left only one option. "Hey Xander, let's dance." Xander looked a bit shocked but went along. Saying no to Willow's new friend would have been rude. And since when did Xander reject a offer to dance with an attractive woman?
Anya spotted Sterling at the edge of the balcony. "If you wanted to see me, you could have always called," Anya told him.
"I thought about that. I just didn't want to seem too desperate."
"Spending all night scanning the room for my presence, you didn't think that would seem a tad desperate?"
"I wasn't gonna wait all night. Just maybe an hour, tops. Besides, if I saw you, I was going to surprise you, act like I just arrived. But I'm beginning to suspect that you're a hard woman to fool."
"Men can fool me. They just always live to regret it."
"Thanks for the heads up. That's what's great about you – you get to the point. You're blunt. Beautifully, brilliantly blunt. Now I'll get to the point. This place is dead tonight. Let's go somewhere more exciting. There's a great club south of here, in La Mesa. I know the guy who runs it. They're having a big thing tonight. Tough to get into if you don't know the right people, which I do. Course, I have no interest in going if you don't go with me."
"La Mesa? You want to take me to Mexico?," Anya asked. She wasn't crazy about border crossings, what with lacking a passport and all. Technically, she was an illegal alien.
Sterling laughed. "No. La Mesa's in California. Just east of San Diego, off of Route 8. It's not that far from here at all."
"Oh, of course. That La Mesa," Anya said as if she knew the place. "I'd love to go there with you tonight."
"Anya, call me crazy, but I get the sense you haven't gotten out of Sunnydale much, have you?"
"It's where my friends are," she offered defensively.
"That's what's confusing me," Sterling explained. "I know you're not some small town girl who's never been anywhere. You strike me as someone who's been around the world."
"I confess, I've been to Europe," Anya said with evasive modesty.
"Thing is, I've lived in little, middle-of-nowhere towns like this all my life. There are two people in towns like Sunnydale. Those who belong. And those who get out. You don't belong here. Certainly not for the rest of your life. You need more than a town like Sunnydale can offer."
Anya knew the perfect response. "Problem is, if I left here to see the world, I wouldn't see you."
Sterling was speechless. He decided to end the conversation before he said anything which would have ruined this wonderful moment. The two of them left.
The song ended and Xander and Zooey stopped dancing. They walked back to Willow. "See, brought him back in one piece," Zooey joked to Willow. "I'm gonna go get a drink. Be right back."
"I really think your new friend's great," Xander said to Willow. "Is she dating anyone?"
Willow playfully flicked Xander in the stomach with the back of her right hand. It was a very forceful flick which hit him right in the diaphragm, knocking the wind out of him.
Xander grabbed his stomach and gasped. "It was a joke. Honestly, I was just joking," Xander managed to spit out as he struggled for breath. Willow didn't know who she was jealous of. Was she jealous of Xander, because it kinda seemed like Zooey was hitting on him? Or was she jealous of Zooey, because Xander was flirting with her? Or was she actually jealous of both of them? Of course that's irrational. But jealousy is often irrational.
When Zooey came back the tension decreased. The three of them got along famously. Xander and Willow told funny childhood stories. The atmosphere turned friendly. The presence of Xander actually neutralized the sexual tension which was palpable whenever Willow and Zooey were together. It was also a chance for Willow and Xander to reminisce without mentioning vampires or demons or supernatural phenomena of any kind. And it was a chance for Zooey to hang out with friends who weren't musicians or part of that "scene" in any way. So it was a refreshing change of pace for all involved.
Willow didn't realize that it was the presence of Xander which had cooled the heat between her and Zooey. She just figured they had moved past that awkward stage. When Xander was about to leave, Willow was going to go with him since Anya was her ride and Anya was gone. Before she left, Zooey asked her a question.
"If you don't have a problem getting up early on Saturdays, we could do brunch tomorrow, say 11? So Will, willya?"
"Actually, I have a lab I have to make up at 8 am. I won't get out until after 11. How bout lunch at noon?"
"Lunch it is. You know that place called Kelly's, on Main Street near where I live?"
"Yeah, I've passed it. Meet you there tomorrow."
When Willow got home, she checked her email. Her lab instructor had written her: "Willow, I'll be in the lab doing some of my own work between 1 and 4 tomorrow afternoon. So if you don't want to get up at an unholy hour for a Saturday, you can come by and make up your lab work in the afternoon."
This was good news. Willow called Zooey and left a message on her answering machine: "Hi Zooey. It's me, Willow. The lab got moved to the afternoon, so I can meet you for brunch at 11. See you then. Bye."
Saturday morning, Buffy was on the phone. "We were naive to think we could keep this a secret for very long."
"I guess it was too obvious for them not to notice," Xander answered.
"Especially when you didn't keep up your end of the bargain," Buffy said.
"My fault! How is this my fault?," Xander wondered.
"You let Steven go out alone at night. Naturally, he'll patrol. So there was a good chance he'd find Dawn and me patrolling."
"Yes, except you told me you were taking Dawn shopping."
"Xander, that was just the cover story."
"Well, that was the only story you told me. If you let me in on the truth, I would have acted accordingly."
Buffy saw this. "You're right. We both screwed up. The whole thing was childish to begin with. Dawn and Steven lie to us in order to see each other. So we lie in order to keep them apart."
Xander saw a better way. "The thing is, we don't want to keep them apart. I mean, they're good kids."
"Exactly," Buffy agreed. "I'm so glad Dawn has a boyfriend. I just worry about her. I don't like it when I don't know where she is."
Xander had an idea. "What you want is supervision. How about this afternoon I take Steven and Dawn to the mall for some Christmas shopping, my treat, of course. And then I drop them off at the Magic Box. They can hang out with you. Do some training, whatever."
"Xander, that's perfect. And it'll be good for me to spend some quality time with Steven."
Willow had brunch with Zooey. She then took a look at Zooey's third floor attic apartment, which was just down the street from the restaurant.
"I know, it's a dump," Zooey apologized. "But it's a roof over my head. Or, if I'm not careful where I walk, a roof into my head."
"No, it's charming, I like it," Willow said as she sat down on Zooey's couch.
Zooey sat down to the left of Willow. "I just wanted to say that I had a great time last night, hanging out with you and Xander."
"Yeah, last night was good," Willow concurred. "My newest friend, meeting my oldest friend. It's nice to know we can have fun together. I'm happy that you're becoming a part of my world."
"Your world seems like a cool world to be part of," Zooey commented.
Willow had a confession to make. "Other times, with you, I've been a little nervous and jumpy. Kind of wound too tight. Now, the jitters are gone. I can be relaxed around you. This is good."
Zooey agreed. "It's a lot more comfortable when we're not sitting on pins and needles all the time." There was a pause. Then Zooey said "I'm gonna get something to drink. You want anything?"
Willow's head was facing up. She was looking at poster of a Kandinsky painting which was on the inward slanting wall above her head. "No thanks," Willow answered. Willow then reached up her left hand and put it down over to her left. She thought Zooey had already gotten up from the couch. But instead her hand landed on Zooey's right knee.
A moment of great awkwardness followed. Willow didn't mean to do this. But she didn't remove her hand either. Perhaps this was a meaningless friendly touch, the sort she had with Xander all the time.
Zooey was also confused. She knew Willow wanted her only as a friend. But if she suddenly moved away at this moment it might embarrass Willow. So Zooey put her right hand on top of Willow's left hand, with the idea of lifting Willow's hand off her leg and ending the awkward moment in a discreet manner.
Zooey lifted Willow's hand off her knee. Willow turned her hand upwards, so their palms were facing. Then Willow interlocked her fingers with Zooey's. Willow's left hand, holding Zooey's right hand, gently fell back onto Zooey's right leg.
Zooey slowly moved her head rightward towards Willow's. Willow slowly moved hers leftward towards Zooey's. They kissed. Willow put her right hand on the back of Zooey's neck. Zooey put her left hand in Willow's hair. About five seconds later they quickly moved apart.
They were both startled. Zooey stood up. "I'm sorry. I know this looks bad, like I brought you up here to take advantage of you, but that's not what I had in mind."
Willow also stood up. "No, no, it's my fault. I did this. I didn't mean to, it just happened."
"You're wrong. It's my fault," Zooey confessed. "The truth is, for me, this just friends' thing is a sham. I love spending time with you. And I love being your friend. But part of me is always wanting something more. They way I feel about you, I've never felt that way about another woman. But I know you have, and I know that's why this can't be what I want it to be."
"Well, I haven't been completely faithful to the just friends' policy myself," Willow admitted. "I've been a little deficient in the self-control department. If I hadn't kept leading you on with the touching and the holding and caressing and all, there wouldn't be a problem." Willow looked at her watch. It was almost time for her lab. She turned to go.
"Willow, wait," Zooey pleaded. "We can't end it like this. I want to be a part of your life."
Willow was a bit surprised. "End it! Oh no. I'm just leaving because I have something to go to at this minute. I'll call you. We'll hang out. This isn't the end of anything. We're friends. We're friends who happen to be physically attracted to one another. It's not like this is the first time that has ever happened."
Dawn and Connor walked into the mall while Xander looked for a parking space. They were browsing around in a drug store. Connor grabbed two candy bars and started walking out. Dawn grabbed him a few feet before he left the store.
"Steven what are you doing?"
"Getting something to eat. I'm hungry."
"But you can't just take those without paying?"
"I can't?"
No, of course not. Put those back."
Connor did what Dawn told him to do. They both walked out of the store empty-handed. "Steven. Have you done this before?"
"Done what?"
"Taking stuff without paying for it."
"Only when I don't need to pay to get it."
"What do you mean need to pay?"
Steven pointed to the restaurants in the food court. "If something's yours, you guard it. You don't leave it out for others to take. Those places, you pay and then you get your hands on the food. You have to pay. But why should I pay for something I can easily take?"
"Cause it's stealing," Dawn answered.
"That's like saying it's stealing to drink water from a water fountain."
"So this in routine to you? Taking stuff without paying for it?"
"Before I lived with Xander, I did it all the time. No one seemed to mind. I was just foraging."
"No one seemed to mind because you never got caught. But they catch you, you'll get in trouble."
"Oh, that's a bad thing. Wouldn't want trouble."
"Don't worry about it. Actually, I used to take things from stores myself, when I was younger."
"Really!," Connor exclaimed. "We really do have a lot in common." Dawn never imagined her shoplifting streak would ever have a silver lining. But here it was.
Xander entered the mall and met up with them. It was past lunchtime, and they were all hungry, so they stopped by the food court for something to eat.
Dawn was eating a piece of chocolate cake. "How is it?," Connor asked.
"It's good. You want a bite?"
"No thanks. That's okay."
"You should try it. This fudge frosting is really rich." Dawn swept up a dollop of frosting on her right index finger and put it in Connor's mouth. He liked the finger food.
Xander was worried. Dawn had found a way to eroticize Connor's sweet tooth. This could only mean trouble.
After lunch they went to a clothing store where Dawn was trying to dress Connor. Not physically, of course. She was just trying to pick out some nice clothes for him, as an early Christmas present. She found something she really liked. Connor went into the dressing room to try it on.
"I think I picked out something perfect for Steven," Dawn told Xander as they waited for Connor to emerge from the dressing room. "It's nice looking, but not too fancy. Kinda casual. Just right for him."
Connor emerged. "What do you think? Is this me?" Connor asked Dawn and Xander. He was wearing a shiny black silk button-down shirt and black leather pants.
Xander knew who this was. This wasn't Connor. This was Angel. He gasped and jumped back, and put his hands over his mouth in horror. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"Xander, is something wrong?," Connor innocently asked.
Dawn tried to explain. "Okay Xander, I know it's a different look for him, but come on, you gotta admit, he looks great. And you said yourself he needed some more adult-looking clothes." But this was not the adult Xander wanted Connor to look like.
Xander was still stunned speechless. Dawn tried to allay his doubts. "Okay, I know, this isn't everyday wear. It's more like something special to wear every now and then at night, when we go out. Like for going to the Bronze."
Yes, I agree, Xander thought. These clothes are not meant to see the light of day. But that was precisely the problem.
"Is there something odd about the way I look?," Connor asked Dawn in reference to Xander's silent look of horror. "These clothes feel a little odd. Maybe they don't look right on me."
"They look incredible on you," Dawn replied. Then she whispered in Connor's ear. "You look really hot. Don't worry about Xander. He's old. He has trouble accepting new things." Connor no longer felt so ridiculous in his new threads. Dawny liked, so Connor liked.
Xander finally tried to articulate his objections to this apparel. "I don't think Steven is the type of guy who wears leather pants," he said to Dawn. "People may get the wrong idea about him. They make think he's, you know, flamboyant."
Dawn didn't completely get Xander's allusion. "What does that mean? What idea would they get?"
Xander didn't want to spell it out. Besides, it was a specious reason. All the men Xander had ever seen in leather pants were straight. But of course he couldn't divulge the real reason he loathed these clothes. So he came up with a more pragmatic objection.
Xander went over to Connor and looked at the price tags on the clothes. "You expect me to pay $80 for a single shirt and $150 for one pair a pants! That's obscene! I'm not made of money, you know. You want to get these for Steven, fine. But I'm not paying for them."
At that moment Dawn wished she hadn't given up shoplifting. But she accepted Xander's decision. She had no choice. Dawn found something less expensive and less provocative for Xander to buy for Connor.
Buffy was at the Magic Shop talking with Anya. "Willow tells me you've found a new guy."
"Oh yes, Sterling. He's a rather magnificent specimen. And he's actually got a brain under all that lustrous, flowing hair. I was just looking for a hunk, and instead I got an actual person. A very welcome bonus indeed."
"How did you to meet?," Buffy asked. After all, Anya traveled within a small circle of friends.
"He's the drummer in Spike's band. Spike told me Sterling wanted to meet me."
"He brought you two together. How bout that. Spike's actually playing a constructive role in your love life," Buffy observed.
Anya got the reference. "That reminds me, Buffy. We don't have much in common. But we both have Spike. I mean, we've both had Spike." Buffy looked nervous. "Look, I'm sorry you had to see that. How was I to know about you two? Or that what happened in my store was being broadcast? I didn't know I was being used to try to hurt you. Granted, I was using Spike to hurt Xander, but let's face it he deserved it."
Anya got to the point. "The odd thing was, I was disappointed – with Spike. Don't get me wrong. He's very firm and tight. And yummy, definitely yummy. It was good, I guess. But not up to my expectations. He wasn't even close to as good as Xander. Spike just didn't make me feel the earth move."
Buffy never wanted to have this conversation. Ever. And now she found herself asking Anya something she'd never thought she'd utter. "Xander made you feel the earth move?"
"Once or twice I think there may have been some actual seismic activity. We are on a major fault line. But the rest of the time I know that it wasn't two tectonic plates rubbing together. It was"
Buffy mercifully cut Anya off. "Let me get this straight. Spike didn't live up to your standards."
"He didn't live up to Xander," Anya clarified.
"Well, that's very interesting. That's the thing about talking to you Anya. Every time I see you, I have no idea what you'll tell me. No idea at all." Buffy left. She went for a little walk. She never, ever wanted to think about Xander in that way. But Anya's appraisal of him was so shocking Buffy couldn't get it out of her head. Alexander Harris, love machine?
Willow was making up a biology lab she missed the afternoon after the night the Camillus rose. That was when she and Anya went on a slaying all-nighter. When she came home that morning, she fell into bed and slept through her lab.
Patrick Gugan, her lab instructor, was short and wiry, with curly brown-blonde hair and green eyes. He definitely looked nerdy. But he looked cuter than most nerds. He had a boyish face which made him appear much younger than 28. But his perpetual irregular stubble, the darkness under his eyes, and his pale, translucent skin gave away the fact that he had spent years in the lab and the library. Graduate school has a way of aging a man, of turning him into someone you would never mistake for a carefree undergrad.
"Thanks for coming in on a Saturday afternoon so I could make up the lab," Willow told Patrick. "I feel kind of guilty for taking up your time."
"Don't," Gugan told her. "I was coming in anyway. It's a good time to do research. Everyone's gone, so I don't have to wait to use the really good equipment."
"You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?," Willow asked.
"Course not. I'm a post-doc, so I have no life," Gugan answered jokingly yet truthfully. "So how is the RFLP coming along?"
"Slowly," Willow answered.
"It's always slow. Except when it's broken. These experiments you do for class, they're very elementary. Not very challenging. Certainly not for someone with your intellectual curiosity. During labs, I see you waiting for the centrifuge to finish and then injecting the sample into the mold for the umpteenth time, and it looks like you're thinking Bored Now.'"
"I don't think that," Willow quickly answered. Those words were rather haunting.
"I don't mean those exact words," Gugan clarified. "I'm sure you think in grammatically-correct complete sentences. You could never be a scientist. You speak the language far too well."
"Thanks, I guess," Willow said.
"I did mean it as a compliment. This is your first college bio course, right?"
"Yes," Willow answered.
"And yet you have a better mind for this stuff than most of the seniors who major in this department. This intro stuff is beneath you. When you're finished, I should show you some of the stuff I'm working on. Much more interesting than this beginner's drudgery."
Willow liked being appreciated. She knew she was smart, though she thought Gugan vastly overrated her intelligence. He seemed to think she was some sort of genius.
But he was correct about her curiosity. When Willow was done, she went with Gugan into an adjacent room where he showed her some stuff on his computer – models of genomes and protein folding.
"You good with computers?," Gugan asked Willow.
"Kind of, I guess," she demurely answered.
"You ever write code?"
"I've done a little programming."
"Genes are like code. Adenine, Guanine, Cytosine, Thymine, they're our ones and zeros. They make us work. When they're's a bug in the code, they make us not work. MoBio is debugging living things."
Willow found this a bit disturbing. "What, you're in this to build better people? Home sapiens, version 2.0?"
"That would be programming. I'm only debugging." He clicked his mouse to show a picture of cells under a microscope. "These are thousands of cells of healthy human flesh. In one of these cells, a few genes – a few lines of code on chromosome 11, are changed." He clicked his mouse and typed a few times.
"Now this cell has a bug. It's a tumor cell." He typed a few more keys. "The tumor cell multiplies and takes over the healthy cells. It's like a demon that eats a person up from the inside. And all cause a few lines of code weren't replicated properly. Switch a few molecules of nucleic acid in a single cell, and it can destroy the body. It's all in the code."
Then he finished making his point. "Question is, how do you kill the demon? All we can do now is poison the person and hope the poison kills the demon before it kills the person. The logical thing would be to attack only the demon, right? And what makes a cell a demon? Its code. Debug the code, save the person."
"So do you specialize in onca genes?," Willow asked Gugan. But before he could answer he walked through a metal door into another room. Willow heard animal screams and roars. She heard what sounded like large paws banging against walls. These weren't human noises. And they weren't the noises of any animal which should be in a molecular biology lab. Willow panicked and left.
Gugan came out of the room. There was a six inch-long scratch on his left forearm which was bleeding. "Willow? Willow where'd you go?," he asked. He looked into the main lab. Her backpack was gone. She was gone.
Buffy was back at the Magic Shop to meet Xander, so he could "hand off" Dawn and Connor. She put out of her mind what Anya had said, proof that the gift of human curiosity can also be a curse. Xander walked in. Dawn and Connor dashed by her into the training room without even saying hello.
"How did shopping go?," Buffy asked Xander.
"You know how teenagers are. Take them shopping, and you spend most of your time telling them that you can't buy them stuff."
Buffy walked up to him, gazing oddly into his eyes. "I guess you were man enough to keep them in line."
"Well, it's pretty easy to say the buck stops here' when you're the one holding all the bucks."
Buffy put her right hand on the side of Xander's left shoulder. He looked at it, confused. There was something odd about her eyes. Something unnatural, he thought.
"That's why I trust you. You're responsible. You've grown, matured. I was so used to seeing you as a boy that I didn't notice when you became a man."
Xander was quite wigged by now. "Yes Buffy, we've all grown up, gotten jobs, pay bills. It happens to everybody." He quickly walked away and approached Anya near the back of the room.
"Anya, have there been any spells cast recently?"
"Far as I know, none that should concern us. Why?"
"Buffy's acting a little, different. A tad, unusual, around me. At least she was a minute ago."
"Oh, that's probably because I told her you were better in bed than Spike."
The clang of metal boxes hitting the floor could be heard from the supply room. "Bollocks!!!," Spike screamed out from the supply room. He burst into the main room of the store and confronted Anya.
"What the bleeding hell did I just hear?"
"Xander was better than you," Anya calmly replied. Xander was beginning to really enjoy this moment. He stood nearby, a big grin lighting up his face.
"You're joking. You're humoring Harris, right?"
"Actually I told Buffy that Xander was better than you."
Spike looked down the room to see Buffy. She seemed kind of embarrassed. "I didn't ask. I swear! " she blurted out in her defense."
Spike looked at Anya. He realized she meant what she said. "That one time, you can't use that as a benchmark for making judgements. Both of us were drunk. Very, very drunk. No one's ever at their best when they're in that state."
Spike glanced over at Xander. He had never seen him so smug. "This is beyond bloody ridiculous! Arrghh!" And then he stormed outside.
Xander slowly walked out of the store. "This is a good day. This is a very good day," he said as he made his way to the door.
Buffy felt guilty for the little upside-down sketch she had just witnessed. She went out to talk to Spike. He was pacing angrily up and down the sidewalk. He saw her.
"Xander just got in his car. Aren't you gonna go flag down love pump Harris?"
Buffy started laughing. "Oh, you think this is funny?," Spike yelled.
"Yes, it's very funny. If you think about it. Don Juan Xander? It's hilarious."
"Anya seemed to take it seriously," Spike replied.
"That's the point. That's why I was so shocked. The very idea that Xander can do what you can do. Last year, I hated you. I hated what you were. I hated myself for being with you. Given all the reasons I had to avoid you, there must have been something that made me come back again and again."
"Is this a compliment?," Spike asked sarcastically.
"It's the truth. It's also the past. It's behind us. And honestly, there is no reason for you to be jealous of Xander."
"Jealous of Xander! What the bloody? Oh, I get it. You're right. This whole thing is funny. Me! Jealous of Xander? In what Bizarro world?"
Spike realized the joke wasn't on him. It was on Xander. Of course, Xander didn't know this. So everyone was happy. Buffy and Spike walked back into the Magic Shop and into the training room.
Connor and Dawn had already been in there a few minutes. Nothing Buffy feared had occurred. They were just playing with two swords, mock fencing. Kid's stuff.
Connor and Dawn put the "toys" away. There was something on Connor's mind. "Spike, last night you said I was almost as good as Buffy. You think she's better than me?"
Spike was being put on the spot, in front of both Buffy and Connor. He tried to be evasive. "All I meant was Clem and I were safe with you around. You're tremendous, Steven. The next best thing to a Slayer."
"Then next best?," Connor angrily asked. "Who chose her?"
Buffy couldn't resist the invitation. "Who didn't choose me? The Council, the Fates, God. The prophecies. It's all spelled out. Stronger than any vampire. Certainly stronger than any human."
"Let's see about that," Connor declared.
Buffy laughed. "Are you trying to call me out? Do you actually want to fight me?"
"You afraid?, Connor taunted."
Buffy laughed again. "Yes, I am afraid. Afraid that I'll hurt you."
"So you think you can hurt me?"
"That's kind of what happens to people who attack me."
"Care to find out what happens to people who attack me?," Connor boasted.
Buffy tried the mold the taunts into something constructive. "Don't get me wrong Steven. You're great. But not as great as you think. There's a lot I want to teach you. And if you want to learn, you've come to the right place. First thing you'll learn is that arrogance can be very painful."
Dawn was getting worried. "Buffy, you are not beating up my boyfriend."
This only further incensed Connor. "You think she's better than me?"
"Steven, this is nuts. This is crazy. It doesn't matter who's better," Dawn tried to explain.
"Looks like I have something to prove to all of you," a rather miffed Connor declared.
Spike tried to find a way to control this battle of the alpha-slayers. "This is good. You'll test yourselves. The best training with the best. Let's just get out the gloves and put on some headgear and this will be very"
As Spike was speaking Connor stood in front of Buffy and said "just try to hit me." Before Spike could finish Buffy threw a right jab at Connor's nose. He ducked. She couldn't hit him, he thought. But Buffy followed with a quick left uppercut that caught Connor in the chin as he lowered his head. The jab was a decoy. She followed up with a right hook which slammed into Connor's left cheek.
Connor hit Buffy in the stomach. The he threw a powerful but wild left hook which hit ear in the right ear. This made Buffy even angrier. She threw a left hook of her own. Connor grabbed Buffy's left fist in his right hand. Then Buffy kicked Connor in the mouth. He responded by kicking Buffy in the side of the head. After this initial flurry each of them backed up a few feet and they sized each other up.
"Okay we're way beyond the Queensbury rules here," Spike realized. Clearly this was not sparring. This looked like a fight to the death.
Dawn grabbed Spike's arm. "Spike we have to stop this!"
Spike disagreed. "We can't keep these two apart forever. If we stop them here, they're just gonna get it on somewhere else." Spike and Dawn didn't realize it, but these words could also apply to Dawn and Connor.
Anya came in to see what all the noise was. "Oooh, a fight!," she excitedly announced.
Buffy tried a high kick. Connor ducked. He tried to sweep Buffy's legs out form under her. She jumped in the air and kicked Connor in the side of the head. He blocked her follow-up kick. Connor lunged at Buffy and tried to take her to the ground. Buffy did a round off and flipped in the air. Connor missed her completely. She landed behind him. She kicked him in the spine then kicked him in the back of the legs. Connor fell on his back. He shot his legs up in the air and kicked Buffy, knocking her back. Then he did a backwards hand spring and returned to his feet.
By now both suspected they had started something they could neither stop nor finish. Connor pulled out his tricks. He leaped at Buffy from ten feet away and tried the kick her in the chest. When she blocked the kick with both her hands, he punched her twice in the face while he was still in midair. When he landed Buffy grabbed him and tossed him over her shoulder.
Connor rose to his knees. Buffy kicked at him with her left foot. He grabbed it. Then she spun around and kicked him in the head with her right foot. Connor got to his feet. His feet were far apart, his knees bent, His head and back leaning forward. Buffy thought he looked like a wounded animal. She was ready to finish this little demonstration of her dominance.
Connor lunged at Buffy and grabbed her arms. She threw him against the wall. She moved in and threw a right cross. Connor dodged the blow, and Buffy's fist slammed into the wall with the resonant thud of a large hammer. She threw a left hook. Connor grabbed her left arm and spun Buffy 180 degrees. Connor grabbed her from behind. She couldn't free herself from his grasp.
"Balance is everything, Buffy. Your ex-boyfriend taught me that." Buffy kicked her left leg up and over her shoulder and hit Connor in the face. The blow forced him to let go. He could deal with Slayer strength. But he had forgotten about Slayer flexibility.
Buffy couldn't believe that Connor would dare bring Angel into this. Now she was going to make him pay. She tried to kick him. He blocked it. She tried a punch. He grabbed both her arms. She did a backwards flip kick. At the last instant, Connor pulled his head back so that Buffy's feet missed by millimeters.
Buffy prepared to attack yet again. Connor stood still, his feet planted as if they were roots. Buffy leaped at him with a flying kick to the chest. If he didn't get out of the way, this would knock him back a few feet for sure. But it didn't. Buffy then launched a right jab, which Connor blocked. She tried a spinning left roundhouse kick. Connor dodged it. Frustrated, Buffy let loose a flurry of punches and chops, all of which Connor blocked. Then he grabbed Buffy by the shoulders and pushed her back five feet.
Connor started laughing and smirking at Buffy. "You can't do it. You can't beat me," he told her. She took two steps forward and kicked Connor in the groin. He doubled over in pain. Buffy turned around and stalked out of the room as Dawn ran over to Connor and yelled "Buffy! What the hell was that!"
History repeating itself. That's what it was. Buffy's fight with Connor ended exactly as her first fight with Angelus – the one in the shopping mall – had ended.
Spike went after Buffy. Anya, with no one to talk to, went back to the counter. She thought it had been a thrilling fight. Like the girl from "Crouching Tiger" against the guy from "The Matrix."
Spike caught up to Buffy on the street. "I hope you're happy. You've created a monster," Buffy said to him.
"What are you talking about?"
"He's anticipating. When I met him, he was just reacting. Anticipating, that's how you told me you killed Slayers. Your power's gone, so you fight vicariously through Steven."
"That's what you think? That I want Steven to achieve all the dreams I couldn't? I couldn't beat you up, so I want Steven to beat you up, even though I love you. Yes, that makes bloody awful good sense."
"I mean you want to make him better. And he's getting better. He's improving every day. I'm stagnating. He hasn't peaked, and I'm already over the hill."
"The veteran's jealous of the rookie. That's fool's talk. What you did back there was practice, and practice means nothing. You hold back in practice. It's nothing like the real thing. Fighters only try when it's to-the-death. And I hope that's not what was going on back there. It wasn't, right?"
"Please, Spike."
"See, it doesn't matter. A mere exhibition. What counts is when you're fighting some Big Bad. Steven's never done that. He hasn't faced what you've faced. He great at killing big dumb beasts. But he doesn't know how to fight a baddie who can rub two brain cells together.
"You should have seen him when he met Drusilla. He ran up to Dru, figured he'd overpower her, like all the other vamps. She threw him around like a rag doll. Could have killed him if she wanted."
"She threw him around?," a shocked Buffy asked.
"He had no idea what he was up against. Fighting's not just strength and speed and all that physical stuff. All Slayers have that. Kendra did. Faith does. So why are you better than them?"
"Better fashion sense?," Buffy joked.
"True. But you know the reason. You're original. You're clever. You're resourceful. You know many ways to fight. Steven knows one. Rush, attack, kill. If he's up against something that he can take down in a couple of minutes, he's in trouble. He's helpless against a baddie who strategizes. He doesn't do strategy. He needs someone to do that for him, someone to make sure he doesn't rush headlong into a trap. You do strategy. You've check-mated the best of them, again and again."
Buffy thought about this. "For all his powers, Steven does have to get rescued a lot. Still, I am disappointed I couldn't put him in his place."
"Is this a new rule of yours?," Spike asked. "Dawn can only date boys her big sister can beat up?"
"Actually, the rule is I can only date boys I can beat up. See you at six."
Buffy walked away. Spike was a good sport about the insult. After all, it meant that when it came to Buffy, there were rewards for losing. He walked off to practice with his band.
After about a minute Connor felt fully recovered from Buffy's low blow. He slipped out the back door with Dawn.
"Steven, why did you pick a fight with my sister?," a somewhat peeved Dawn asked.
"I was curious," he answered.
"Curious to see if you could hurt the only family I have?"
"She's supposed to be the best. I wanted to see how good I was. I wasn't trying to hurt her. It was training. I was just a game."
"Games are supposed to be fun. That was fun for you?"
"Yes, kind of. It was thrilling."
"Great! I'm dating the president of Fight Club. Let me look at you." She looked at his face. It looked very good, considering the punches and kicks it had absorbed. She lightly touched a small bruise above his left eyebrow and kissed it.
"Are you going to kiss me everywhere Buffy hit me?," Connor asked with a sly smile.
Dawn slugged Connor in the stomach. She knew where everywhere' was.
Connor doubled over. He was completely unprepared for the punch, and she really knocked the wind out of him. "I . . . was . . . joking" he gasped.
"I know," Dawn replied. "It was a lame joke." She noticed Connor was still bent over in pain. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I'm glad I had a very light lunch." This was a much subtler and wittier erotic joke on Connor's part.
"How bout we make a deal," Dawn began. "You don't hit my sister, and I won't hit you."
Connor regained his breath and stood up. "I like that deal," he told her. Dawn put her right arm around his shoulders and kissed him on his left cheek. They walked out of the alley and towards to street. Buffy appeared. She had been looking for them.
"There you are. You two can hang out at the house. I'll drive you there."
Connor was a bit nervous to see Buffy. A few minutes ago they had be trying to knock each other senseless. Buffy noticed this.
"Steven, relax. That thing we did, that was just playing around." She playfully and gently punched him on his left shoulder. At first he flinched, but then he realized she wasn't mad. "No hard feelings, right?"
"No hard feelings. It was an honor to fight – I mean train – with the best. I mean the second best."
Buffy gave Connor a scolding look. Connor clarified. "Dawn's the best." All was forgiven. Everyone was happy. Buffy fought Connor to teach him that as a man he belonged to the weaker sex. Apparently Dawn had already taught him that.
Spike and his band were tuning up. "Did Anya find you last night?," Zooey asked Sterling.
"Yes, she did. We went to that club in La Mesa. That was a good time."
"Oh look, Sterl's swooning," Aidan joked.
"You don't know the half of it," Zooey added. "He spent an hour waiting, just because there was a chance she might show up."
"It wasn't an hour," Sterling claimed.
"I was there. It was."
"If it was, it was worth it. You know what I mean, right Spike?"
"Oh, uh, Anya, well, she's quite the bird. A lovely lady, If that's what you mean."
"So Spike, I was just telling Elise about Xander," Zooey said.
"You met Xander?"
"Yeah, met up with him and Willow. We hung out till closing time. Great guy. You think he'd be good for Elise?"
"I mean, if you don't mind," Elise told Spike. "It's just that your friends seem so, well, dateable." Elise was a tall, thin, graceful woman with long, straight black hair.
"Xander's not really a friend. More of a friend-of-a-friend," Spike clarified.
"But he's really cute," Zooey told Elise.
"You think Xander's cute?," a slightly annoyed Spike asked.
"Well yeah, in a beefy-yet-sensitive sort of way. And he's very funny."
"Xander's not funny. He's attempted funny," Spike responded. "He's a nice guy and all, but he can get on your nerves. Always throwing out one-liners at exactly the wrong time."
"One for. One against. Might as well meet him and break the tie," Elise announced. "He's single, right?"
"Yes, he's unattached," Spike answered. "Just like Anya was before she swept Sterling off his feet."
Spike's worlds were colliding. He didn't like it. His drummer was in love with a woman he had slept with. This made Spike feel a little guilty around Sterling. Now his keyboardist was being set up with the ex-fiance of his drummer's girlfriend. And to top it all off, Zooey was turning into some sort of Xander worshipper! Bloody hell. Bloody hell indeed.
"No need to leave anybody out. Aidan, you want to date one of my friends?"
"Spike, I'm married," his bassist replied. "You've met Kamillah."
Spike thought for a few seconds. "Sorry about that. Actually, I haven't met your Kamillah. I've never seen her at any of our shows."
"That's because she has to work. One of us needs a real job."
"I thought you had a day job. Don't you own that record shop in Oceanside?"
"It's a job, but it pays like a hobby. Low-margin business. I net maybe 20 a year. I love it, but it doesn't earn my keep."
Aidan was an unusual name for a black man. He was named after his grandfather, who was half-Irish. Thus, he's heard every "Black Irish" joke about 10,000 times. He was 31 years old, two years younger than his wife. She was an attorney who worked in San Diego. Having just made partner at her firm, she had to put in long hours of grunt work for the senior partners.
Buffy got home and found a nervous and worried Willow. "I'm so glad you're here," she told Buffy.
"What happened. Is something wrong?"
"I'm not sure. I think. Maybe. I was at the science lab this afternoon. My teacher went into this locked room. I heard growls and stomping from inside. It sounded like he was keeping some beast in there. And the beast didn't sound like any ordinary animal."
"Willow, couldn't it have just been an experiment. It's biology. They study living things."
"It's microbiology, Buffy. They study living things that are small enough to fit in a test tube. Micro stuff. This definitely sounded macro."
"Better safe than sorry," Buffy reasoned. "Let's see what's there. If it's dangerous, we'll take care of it before it causes any trouble."
Dawn and Connor sat down on the couch and smiled. "I thought they'd never leave," Dawn told Connor.
Buffy drove Willow over to campus. Willow told her where the lab was. They parked nearby. Buffy looked at her watch. Five O'clock. Better take care of this fast, she thought.
The main door to the building was unlocked. The door to the lab where Gugan worked was locked. "I don't know the combination," Willow confessed.
Buffy grabbed the doorknob and twisted hard. This shattered the lock and opened the door. "Good thing I do," Buffy joked.
When they were inside, Willow pointed to the door behind which she heard the noises. It was a heavy metal door. Buffy pulled it open. They entered. It was dark. Buffy turned on the lights. Lying in the back corner of the room was a large demon with brown skin covered in swirling purple blotches. "Definitely not any animal I learned about in biology, Buffy whispered to Willow.
The light roused the demon. It stood up. Its right ankle was chained to the back wall. It leaped at Buffy and Willow. Willow ran to the door. The chain held the animal back. It flailed its arms at Buffy. She pulled out a large dagger and slashed his left forearm. It backed up and roared at her. Its head was large and egg-shaped, with the pointy end forward, so the head was longer than it was wide. When it opened its mouth to roar, Buffy saw three rows of teeth inside. Its bite looked even worse than its bark.
The demon shook its right leg and thrust it forward, trying to break free of the chain. Buffy approached, hoping to kill it before it broke free. She had her dagger in her right hand. The demon hit her with its left hand. With its right hand, the demon wrestled the knife from Buffy. Then the demon reached down and chopped off its right foot, freeing itself from captivity. It got down on its front paws, and charged out of the room on its three legs. Buffy was knocked down. Willow prudently ducked out of the way.
It ran out of the lab and into the hallway. Buffy ran after it. Not wanting to lose this demon, she didn't even take time to pick up her dagger. The demon leaped out a window, and onto the campus. So much for better safe than sorry.
Buffy leaped out the same window and kept close. Just as long as she killed it before it reached a large crowd of people, and everything would be fine. It starting chasing a student. The demon leaped for the kill. Buffy tackled the student to get him out of the way. "Run! Don't look back," she told him. Then she got up and faced her demon. The student did as he was told. Buffy kicked the demon in the head. It lunged at her. She grabbed it and pulled the demon up onto its hid leg. Once upright, the demon was at a distinct disadvantage because Buffy had two feet and it had only one.
Buffy threw the beast on its back and punched it several times in the chest before it struggled free and rolled over. It tried to run away from Buffy on its three legs. As it ran away from Buffy, it ran towards Willow.
"Don't move!," Buffy yelled. That was easy for her to say. She didn't have a rabid demon bearing down on her. On four legs, the demon could easily outrun Buffy. On three, she could catch up. She grabbed the demon by its tail. It dragged her a few feet, and then stopped five feet short of Willow. Buffy yanked the tail, pulling the demon back a few feet and causing it to roar in pain and anger. It turned around to bite Buffy. She moved back.
The only weapon Buffy had on her was a wooden stake. She took it in her right hand. The demon charged her. She stepped forward with her right foot and with a backhand thrust plunged the stake through the demon's right eye and well into its brain. This stopped it dead in its tracks. Buffy pulled out the stake. The deceased demon vanished. Buffy was covered in dirt. But she had time to head home and shower and change before meeting Spike.
"Oh no," Buffy said as she drove home.
"What is it now?," a worried Willow asked.
"I just realized that I left Dawn and Steven alone in the house."
"Buffy, no offense, but would you be this protective, this paranoid, if Steven had a different father? I'm sorry, but you seemed to be really supportive of the two of them until you found out who – and what – Stevens was. Let's face it, you were wigged."
"And you weren't?," Buffy asked defensively.
"Of course. I was thoroughly wigged. And yes, now that I know the truth, the idea of the two of them as a couple is kinda really freaky and also a tad icky. But they didn't know the backstory when they fell in love. You can't punish Dawn for your past."
"I admit it, I'm human. I was upset to discover that I slept with my sister's boyfriend's father. That's like the title for an episode of Jerry Springer."
Willow started laughing. "Oh and then they could bring out Cordelia and you two would start fighting. And then they bring out Spike and he tells Angel he slept with you and Angel and Spike start fighting. Oh and, uh, I'm not helping much, am I?"
Buffy got back on topic. "What really bothers me is the intensity of Dawn and Steven's relationship. It's like at any moment they're going to elope and strike out on their own. They have this whole I'd die without you' vibe which isn't healthy. There is such a thing as loving too much. Especially at that age."
Buffy walked into the house. They weren't downstairs. Which meant they were in Dawn's bedroom. Buffy went upstairs and burst in. Connor was on the bed, reading a book. Dawn was at her desk, doing homework. Connor heard the car pull into the driveway, giving him and Dawn ample time to look presentable. Buffy of course knew this was a sham.
Connor spoke up. "Buffy, Spike called while you were gone. Something came up with his band. He won't be able to make it tonight."
Buffy looked surprised and disappointed. "Gotcha," Dawn said. "We wouldn't actually lie to you to keep you from going on a date. That would be despicable. Don't you agree?"
Ouch. They had zinged Buffy good. She quietly fumed and went to take a shower. Time for her to focus on her own life for a change.
"Spike, is something wrong?," Buffy asked him during dinner.
"I was just worrying that some more of my old vampire chums would come after me now that I'm no longer one of the group."
"You shouldn't worry. Two have come, and you killed them both," Buffy said, referring to Alcibiades and Drusilla.
"There was a third. Remember that night behind the Bronze when you staked that vampire who was attacking me? That was Maxwell. I used to pick on him pretty bad in my New York days. He was really nice to me. I just did it because I could, I guess. He walloped me good. I knew I was going to die"
"But I took care of him," Buffy said finishing Spike's sentence.
"That's the problem. I don't wanna go hiding behind the Slayer every time I'm in trouble. It makes me feel like I'm not a man."
"When your old schoolmate was throttling me, I thought I was going to die. But you saved me. We're a team. Who saved who, that doesn't matter. If I need someone's help to kill a vampire, it doesn't make me any less of a Slayer."
The bill came. Spike looked at it. "83 quid! I still can't get over how expensive human food is." Buffy reached into her purse for her wallet. "I got it," Spike told her. He pulled out a wad of $20 bills and put five of them on the table. Buffy did know what to make of this.
"Haven't you heard? I moonlight as a gigolo." Spike waited a few seconds. No laughter. "That was a joke. You do know that, right? This is from what I earn with the band. It's not like I have many expenses to cover. The crypt's rent-free."
"Speaking of which, have you thought of moving into above-ground, human housing?"
"I've checked out a couple flats. Thinking of signing a lease for one of them soon. Clem's been begging me for my current place. And I really don't belong there anymore."
"You belong with the living," Buffy told Spike.
Anya opened the door. It was Xander. "So this is your new place. It's nice. Nicer than mine. Anyway, I came by because today you actually said something nice about me. I thought maybe this meant we've moved beyond the acrimony."
"It was nothing," Anya replied. "Just the truth. We did have some good times together."
"We did. Lots of good times. That reminds me – your new boyfriend"
"Sterling," Anya said.
"Yes, Sterling. Does he make you happy?"
"Yes. He makes me very happy."
"Good. I'm glad. You don't deserve to be lonely. By the way, since you became a Vengeance Demon again, have you used your powers? Have you vengeanced?"
"You are the only man I've tried to hurt. You're also the only man I can't hurt. Funny how that works out."
"Since I found out you got your powers back, I was scared that you would abandon being a person because I had abandoned you. For me, that may have been the worst part. The fear I had cost you your humanity. Fortunately, you didn't condemn the whole species on account of my cowardice."
"Xander, do you ever think back to that day, and wish you had acted differently?"
"Every morning. When I wake up. Alone." After saying that Xander left.
On Friday night Spike told Connor to meet him at the Magic Shop on Saturday at 8 at night. They were alone, in the training room. Connor grabbed hold of a handle which was attached to a flat piece of wood 4 inches wide and two feet long. "How does this weapon work?," Connor asked Spike.
Spike laughed. "That's not a weapon. That's a cricket bat."
"I guess this could be used to kill insects," Connor replied.
"No Steven, not crickets. Cricket. It's a game. Giles must have left that here before he left. You use it to hit a ball. Let me show you." Spike took the bat, found a tennis ball, dropped it, and hit it on the short hop. It bounced off the wall on the opposite side of the room, flew back to Spike, and he hit it again.
"Can I try?," a curious Connor asked.
"Sure. I'll throw the ball, and you try to hit it. That's basically how the game goes."
Spike went to the other side of the room. "It's been a long time since I've done this, a really long time," Spike joked. He took a step forward and threw the ball with an overhead windmill motion. The ball hit the ground about six feet it front of Connor. Spike had put spin on the ball, and after it bounced it curved a few inches away from Connor. He swung and whiffed mightily.
Spike had been too modest. He threw as if he had just come off the pitch. And he took a bit too much pleasure in striking out someone who had never stood in front of a wicket. Spike realized this when he saw Connor's frustration. "Trust me, cricket's not you game. Hours and hours of standing around."
"That sounds boring. I thought games were supposed to be fun."
"Everyone has their own idea of what fun is," Spike explained. Then he got to the point. "Steven, I called your father. He's coming here to see you."
Connor looked terrified. "You brought Angelus after me! Why would you do that?"
"I didn't. I was just testing you. I don't even know his phone number. But Buffy does. I'm surprised she hasn't called him yet. It's only a matter of time. You can't spend your whole life hiding from your father."
"It's worked so far."
"You really think he's evil?"
"It's in his nature."
"Steven, you trust me, don't you?"
"Yes."
"You've come to me for advice. Right?"
"Sure."
"And have I ever steered you wrong? Have I ever encouraged you to do something you later regretted?"
"No. Of course not."
"Now trust me when I tell you this. Angel is not bad. Angel did not kill Holtz. I know this. I am sure of this. I've already told you why I know this. And when I told you my reasons, you didn't disagree. So I think deep down you know I'm right."
Connor thought a few seconds. "How can you be sure? You weren't even there."
"Neither were you. And who knows Angel better, me or you?"
Buffy got home. Willow was in the dining room working at her laptop. "How was the big date?," Willow asked.
"It was kinda boring. And a little wonderful. It was wonderful because it was boring. The whole role-playing thing was nice. Pretending we were just a regular couple. And we almost convinced ourselves it was true."
"And in our lives, ordinary is a rarity, so it can actually be kind of exciting," Willow explained.
"Yes. Our lives our backwards. The ordinary is extraordinary. What are you up to?"
"I'm trying to find out more about our mad scientist. It's kind of disappointing. Patrick's a really nice guy."
"People aren't always what they seem," Buffy responded.
Willow was trying to hack into Gugan's personal hard drive. She got through the firewalls and the passwords. But just as she was accessing his directory, her screen went dark. She couldn't fix it. Then, on the screen, in large letters, appeared the words "HI WILLOW."
Then a sentence scrolled across the bottom of her screen. It read ""My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance."
It continued to scroll for about five minutes. During that time Willow was unable to reboot her machine. Her computer was not under her control. Then the message disappeared, and her hard drive restarted. It got to the DOS level, but could not find an operating system. All of Willow's files and applications had been erased.
Spike told Connor what was on his mind. "You need to go back to Los Angeles. You belong with your father."
"If you're right, if Angel's innocent, well, he's not going to be happy to see me after what I did to him. If he's innocent, then what I did was horrible. If someone did that to you, punished you like that for something you did not do, how would you feel? What would you do?"
"Angel knows a little something about seeking forgiveness. Believe me. His whole life is one big quest for forgiveness. He knows it was a misunderstanding. He won't be mad. He'll be happy to have you back. Trust me."
"Why do you want me to leave? Why do you want me to go away?"
"Because this isn't your home. Because you don't belong here."
"Yes I do! I belong with Dawn!"
"That's true. You and Dawn do belong together. But you have the rest of your lives to be together. Your whole adult lives. You can spend some time with your father while you're still a kid. It won't kill you. It's not like you'd be leaving Dawn forever. And she'd only be 90 miles away, so you could still see her."
Connor thought seriously about this proposal. "I don't know. This is all so sudden."
"Sudden is you style, Steven. You fell for Dawn, suddenly. You found out about my past, suddenly. You told everyone about your past, suddenly. You left this dimension, suddenly. You came back into this dimension, suddenly. You're the kind of guy who takes his time."
"I just don't want to leave Dawn."
"Yes, I know. You're 16. You're in love. It would feel like the end of the world. You want to spend every moment of every day with her. But you can't have that right now, even if you stayed in Sunnydale. You think Buffy would allow that?"
"Buffy is scared I will take Dawn away from her. And I will."
"Perhaps. But not in the next couple months you won't. Actually, over the next few months, I'd be more worried about Buffy attacking you than I would about Angel attacking you."
Connor laughed a little. "You may have a point there, Spike."
"Lets look at the record. Buffy's attacked you twice. Angel's attacked you how many times?"
Connor thought about this. Then a look of surprise came over his face. "He hasn't."
Spike believed he had made his point. He drove Connor back to Xander's.
Willow was furious. What an evil bastard. She could not believe what was happening. She grabbed the phone and called Gugan. "Hello Willow," he said.
"What the hell did you do to my computer?"
"It's not nice to hack into other people's computers. I wanted to teach you that."
"You erased my hard drive!"
"No I didn't." Gugan typed a few keys on his computer. Willow's OS started up. Everything was there. "I only made it look like all your files had disappeared. Just a little magic trick. A harmless magic trick."
"Harmless? That demon you kept at the lab. Was that harmless?"
"No, it was very harmful. That's why I kept it locked up."
"You shouldn't have kept it at all. What were you doing with that thing?"
"Willow. Did you read my message? You couldn't help but read it, right?"
"What sick game are you playing with me?"
"Just in case you didn't write it down, I emailed it to you. Find out what it means. You're good at research, at looking things up, aren't you?" Then he hung up. Just what this town needed, she thought. Another geek trying to make a name for himself.
Spike went into Xander's apartment. "Where's Steven?," Xander asked.
"He's outside looking for vampires."
"There are vampires around my building!"
"No. But I told him there were to keep him outside for a few minutes. I need to have a talk with you."
"Spike, is this about what Anya said?"
"Oh, grow up Harris. This is important. This is about Steven. I think Steven should go to Los Angeles. I think he should be with his father."
Xander couldn't believe this. "Of course. Because Steven and Angel were so happy together."
"Maybe you'll get lucky and this time Steven will actually kill Angel. You'd love that, right Xander?"
"Since when did you become such a fan of Angel?"
"I don't care about Angel. I care about Steven. And I know you care about Steven. You know how powerful he is, how violent he can be. If he thinks he came from evil, if he's thinks that's what he is deep down inside, there's no telling what he'd be capable of. As long as he hates his father, there's always the chance he could be a ticking time bomb. If he resolves his daddy issues, brings some peace to that front, then we don't have to worry. He'll be great. He'll do great things. He'll always be the great guy you like and care about."
Then Spike played his ace-in-the-hole. "Also, if he's in Los Angeles, he won't be near Dawn. Think about it." Spike left.
When he walked outside, Connor met him. "I didn't find any vampires."
"Good, just a false alarm then. Have good night. Remember what we talked about."
Xander did the right thing, though he may have done it for the wrong reason. Spike did offer an easy solution to Xander's and Buffy's worries about Dawn. But Xander also knew Angel wasn't bad – at least for the moment. And he did understand that it could be good for Connor rid himself of patricidal impulses. But these two reasons alone probably wouldn't have totally convinced him to endorse the move.
After thinking for about half-an-hour, Xander talked to Connor.
"Steven, it's fine to hate your father. I do. It's okay to be ashamed of your family. I am. But first, you have to give them a chance. You haven't had a chance to give Angel a chance. I'll be honest. Your father and I never got along real well. But you're a great kid. And I know any father would be proud to have you as his son. So go enjoy the big city. Just remember, you ride in buses, not on top of them."
Connor looked chagrined. "I know that, Xander. You pay your fare, you sit down."
"One time I did see you jump off the roof of a moving bus right in front of the apartment."
"That was because I didn't have exact change."
"Just making sure. Because there's always a chance the bus will go through an underpass and it'll knock your head off. You take care, Steven."
Spike came by Xander's to pick Connor up in the morning. There was one last piece of unfinished business for them to attend to. So Spike drove to the Summers residence.
Spike talked to Buffy on one side of the porch. "This is so sudden," Buffy told him.
"I know. I sprung the idea last night. Took some convincing, but Steven realized it was for the best."
"So he left Xander's. What does Xander think?"
"He's cautiously supportive. Emphasis on cautious."
"How'd you do it?"
"We all know Angel didn't kill that Holtz guy. I convinced Steven of that. We all know Angel's a good guy. So I convince Steven of that. Wasn't too hard. All I had to do was make him to recognize the obvious."
Buffy was shaking her head. "When did you become such a saint?," she jokingly asked. "And when did you become such a fan of Angel's?"
"The fact that this could make Angel happy is pure coincidence. I just think it's best for Steven not to go through life always wanting to kill his dad."
Dawn took the news much harder than Buffy. "I don't understand. Everything was perfect. And then I wake up, and you're leaving me."
Connor put his hands to Dawn's face and tried to comfort her. "It's only for a little while. You and me, it's eternal. I can never leave you. And I'll be back at your side before long."
He saw this wasn't helping. "Dawn, I love you more than anything. Before you, there was no meaning to my life. You're everything to me. It's just, he's my father. He's my only family. I need to be with him, just like you need to be with Buffy."
"I need to be with you. Don't you need to be with me?," Dawn asked.
Connor hugged her. "Yes. Every second of the day. Without Xander or Buffy tagging along. Just us. We'll have that soon enough. Then everything will be perfect."
Connor saw that Dawn was crying. "Please, no. I don't mean to hurt you. Ever. Try to understand – the last time I saw my father I was locking him in a watery grave. I can't leave things like that."
They kissed several times and hugged again. Dawn held Connor tightly. He could here her sobbing. "Be strong Dawn. You're the strongest person I know. I'll love you every moment I'm away, and I'll be back in your arms in no time." After another thirty seconds of silent embracing, Dawn let go.
Connor, Spike and Buffy walked out to the car. Dawn stood on the porch, still crying. As Spike was about to open the driver's side door, Buffy grabbed him and kissed him for about ten seconds. "Now you place nice with Angel, okay?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Spiiike?," Buffy answered. They both knew exactly why.
"I'll be on my best behavior. I promise. I'll tell you all about it tonight."
Spike got in the car and drove north with Connor.
"There's something about the women in that family," Connor told Spike.
"Yes there is."
"Did you ever meet their mother?"
"You mean Joyce? Yeah, I knew her."
"What was she like?"
"When we met, she hit me in the head with an ax. We did become friends later on. She was real nice. Very classy, very smart. A real great dame."
"With an ax," Connor marvelled. "Guess you don't want to get on the wrong side of any woman in that family."
"Tell me about it," Spike answered in agreement. "And you sure don't want one of them coming at you with a stake in their hand."
"Tell me about it," Connor joked. After all, Buffy had tried to stake him. That was something Connor, Spike and Angel all had in common.