TITLE × Road Trip, Cheese, and Breathing on the Glass
RATING × R for language
GENRE × Humor
SUMMARY × For some reason, Yugi and friends are traveling to California (don't ask how so in only an SUV). Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues.
WARNINGS × Shounen ai, stupidity, a hint of random, very OOC-ness, it could be AU, and everyone-bashing. Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
Wow, Chapter three... I thought I'd NEVER get started on this... so, writing this at 10 in the morning (that's VERY early for me!) the writing quality will be a little low... Aww, who'm I kidd'n' the writing quality always IS low!!! So like, stop reading this and start readin' the fanfic, y'alls!
THREE DAYS LATER UPDATE × Uh, some things I gotta warn you against- there's no shounen ai (implications or otherwise) in this chapter... *people throw things at her* Ow!!! The PAAAAAAAIN!!! Um... enjoy?
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DISCLAIMER × I don't get it. What is the POINT of writing this stupid thing? Ehh, better safe than sorry. I don't own Fanta, Yu-Gi-Oh, McDonald's, Charlie's Angels, Scooby-Doo, Laughing Cow cheese (yummie!!!), Pokémon, Digimon, Pampers diapers, the Stinky Cheese Man, or any other registered trademark I've mentioned in all and any of the chapters.
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############### flashbacks (more than one?! dear Ra, no!!!) ###############
"Quack!" "Peep!" "Squeak!" "Honk!" "Arf... uh, I mean, Quack!"
"Mokuba, put those ducks down!" Kaiba and the others got out of the vehicle to join the boy.
# switch #
"We love to see you smile!" sang Mokuba as they all got out of the car and into McDonald's. Kaiba ordered while everyone else tried to find a seat. They ended up taking two booths, Téa, Tristan, Joey, Yugi and Ryou in one, and the Kaiba brothers in a smaller one.
# switch #
"Joey..." He paused, for suspense, for emphasis, or to enjoy the sensation of Joey's breath on his face, Ra only knows. "I want you... to give me..."
# switch #
"I am NOT a kitty! I'll wipe that smirk off your face, you just watch!" yelled Tristan, sounding a disturbingly lot like Joey. He jumped onto the porch...
and fell through the floor.
# switch #
"Well, let's go then!!!" cried the ever-cheerful Mokuba, grabbing the key from the mime and skipping off to their assigned room.
############### end flashbacks (well, that was completely random!) ###############
'All of us, sharing one room... I don't think we're going to survive this road trip,' thought Ryou as the group walked down a barely-lit corridor.
"169B, 169B... aha! Here it is!" Mokuba and friends entered the room, and gasped.
Two plump, fresh-smelling beds with velvet canopies sat in two corners of the room. A door to the left led to a shiny-new bathroom, complete with jacuzzi. The shag rug smelled of jasmine and eau de toilette. And, in the middle of it all...
a table full of grub.
"MY GAAAAAAWD!!! WUH'RE 'N PARADISE!!!" Joey sang, immediately digging in.
"I am... sort of hungry," said Ryou, joining the taller boy.
"Yeah! Even though we just ate lunch, haha..." Téa agreed.
"Too bad Tristan ain'ts here, BUT NOBODY CARES!!" Yugi submitted into the group of teenagers messing up the carpet.
"Big brother... can I?" said Mokuba, looking up at Seto with big teary eyes.
"Yes, you can... but I've already lost my appetite looking at these losers. Go join them, I'm going out to examine the car and look for any damage," he replied as he walked out the doorway...
and fell through a hole in the middle of the corridor.
"BIG BROTHER!!!" Mokuba ran out to catch a glimpse of his big brother falling down the pit.
"K-kaiba?" asked Joey uncertainly.
Téa stared. "He's... gone... j-just like Tristan."
"What kind of stupid game is this?" Yugi whispered.
Then, suddenly, with a clash and a boom, the lights went out.
"It's a blackout!" they heard Téa say.
"Naaaaaw, REALLY?!" Ryou's unusually sarcastic voice sounded out, followed by a disgusted snort.
As if responding to Ryou, the lamps fluttered on again, revealing several very freaked-out teenagers piled on Mokuba.
"Uhh... you guys, can you get off? I think I'm suffocating..." he managed out.
Everyone else sweatdropped. "Sorry, Mokuba!" they said in unison, stepping off the boy.
"That's a lot better. Back to the food?"
"Okay!" The teenagers turned back to the luxury room and saw a room that was the epitome of all the cheap, cockroach-infested apartments in the gloomy parts of town.
"Whaddafuck?! Whay'r's da gruuuuub?!" Joey sobbed.
Téa put her hand to her mouth in surprise. "It was all an illusion!"
"I'm still hungray... n'fact, I'm's hungray's I was 'foe dis hotel was hay'r!" whined Joey like the pooch he was.
Ryou thought for a second and said, "I'm betting the food was an illusion too!"
"Gaaaaaaaah!!!" Joey jumped up and down in a tantrum. "Dat's it! Imma find dat stupid mime an' set dings straight!!!" He went off in a huff.
"Well, that was amusing. I'm tired, gonna hit the sack." Yugi stretched his arms over his head and yawned.
"Dibs on the couch!" shouted Mokuba. He ran in the room and began jumping up and down on the couch in a feeble attempt to fluff it up.
Téa groaned. "How can he be so happy about this?!"
"We'll never know, Téa," Ryou said, shaking his head sadly. "We'll never know."
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"Ugh, my head... it feels like BURNING!!!" Tristan moaned. "Where the hell am I?" He studied his surroundings and concluded from his observations that he was... nowhere. Tristan's too stupid to conclude from his observations, whatever those are.
The boy stood up and tried walking, but soon fell back down due to his ankle which was twisted from his earlier fall. A dusty bureau stood off to one side, accompanied by a torn sofa with springs jutting out from the fabric and one of its legs discarded. Tristan took a book off a nearby bookshelf and opened it.
"Oooooh!!! The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales! This was my favorite book when I was a kid!" Tristan cried in joy. He opened the book directly to 'The Stinky Cheese Man,' plopped down on the sofa's only useable cushion, and began reading.
Unfortunately, when books are read by semi-literate jackasses with funny hair, there's bound to be a word in there, somewhere, in which said jackass would be stuck on. Right in the middle of Jack introducing Little Red Riding Hood, such a word appeared.
"Oh nooooo!!!" Tristan sobbed. Like Pegasus said, there is always a way to make people play your game, with the proper incentive or something like that. Now with motivation, Tristan stood up, folded the book, keeping his finger in his place, and limped off to find the others.
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"Yaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yawned Mokuba, opening his mouth reeeeeeeeally reeeeeeeeeeeeally wide. Awwwwwwwww, how cute. So anyways, he yawned, right? And that yawn woke Téa and Ryou up.
"Mornin'!" said Ryou to the two... Wait, two? Where's Yugi??
"Where's Yugi??" asked Téa.
Heeey!!! I just said that!
"Whoops. My bad." She rolled her eyes cynically.
"Uhh, do we care?" said Mokuba. "Let's go exploring!!!" he cried cutely, and led the way outta the room, singing. "Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones! They're a something something faaaaaaamily!!!"
Ryou and Téa groaned.
A few gazillion corridors later.....
"There is gloom and doom, when things go boooooooooooooom!!! In Dexter's-"
Ryou finally broke down. "WHEN WILL THIS END?! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" he shouted, tearing at his hair.
"Lookit! A door!" sayeth the mighty Téa, pointeth-ing at a door at the end of the hall-eth.
"THE EXIT!!!" Ryou began running feverishly towards the end of the hall, but...... WHAT'S THIS?! THE DOOR IS MOVING AWAY FROM HIM!!! "What?! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Realizing this was all hopeless, he purposely tripped and fell to the ground.
"........" Téa walked the three feet to the door and opened it. "You really should stop drinking that tamarind candy shit."
"Shut up," Ryou sobbed in reply.
"-commander and the leader! Bubbles! She is the joy and the laughter! Buttercup!" sang Mokuba as he skipped out the open door. The teenagers sighed and followed him.
It turned out they wandered onto the roof. It was a very daaaaaaaaaark roof, because... uh, it's still night. Well, see, it's like this- Mokuba woke up to pee and that was how he yawned, and that woke the other two up, then he found out it was all a false alarm, then they left the room to... because Ryou had to pee, and the bathroom previously adjoining the room... collapsed.
"........."
Yeah..... that's it.
"Look! Gargoyles!" said Téa, pointing to the winged goblins lining the edge of the roof. "How PRETTY!" Stars came alive in her eyes and danced around. They found the situation boring and jumped back into her eye sockets. "Ow! That smarts!"
"Pretty, Téa? Are you blind?!"
"I am now..." replied Téa, rubbing furiously at her eyes, but Ryou ignored this and continued ranting.
"Those things are the ugliest wrecks I've ever seen! I've seen better faces on the rear end of a cow with diarrhea! Whoever sculpted them must've used his feet! What are you smoking, Téa?! Pretty?! These gargoyles are grotesque!!!"
"Dude, that's, like, harsh!" said one of the gargoyles.
"Yah, that is like, totally grody to the max!" a female one shouted.
"We ain't takin' none of this bull, man!" finished another gargoyle.
"ATTACK!!!" The gargoyles leapt for the three teenagers.
Suddenly, the theme to Charlie's Angels came on. Naaaaaa ne naaah!!! Nanah ne naaaa ne naaaaaaaah!!!
"Angels!" bellowed a voice from the sky. "Meet your adversary... the GARGOYLES!!!"
"Heeeeeeeyaah!!!" said Téa, Ryou and Mokuba, suddenly decked out in shades, microminis, tiny tops, and really high boots. They started some bogus-looking kung-fu shit and pretty soon, the gargoyles were history.
Um, actually I'm kidding about that.
The gargoyles tied up their captives and locked them all into a storage room a few floors down.
"Hey, sweetcheeks, howsabout me and you go somewhere... alone?" a gargoyle looking, sounding, and *bleugh* smelling a lot like Happosai [1] crooned.
"I don't date stone statues covered in pigeon shit!" snapped Téa, her earlier allegation of prettiness vanished.
"Not you, bitch, I was talking to the small one with the ebony hair, the fuck-me boots, and the luscious, luscious pretty pink lips."
"......." Mokuba stared blankly at the pervert slowly advancing on him.
"HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!!!" came a voice from nowhere.
"What the hell was that?!" said a bunch of people/gargoyles.
"HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!!!" the voice shouted again.
"Aaaaaaah!!!" said the bunch.
"HANDS OFF MY BR-" the voice stopped with a little click.
"Jahst ah stahpid tahpe raycahdah..." said a gargoyle. She held up a tape recorder to the other members of her species. "Lahks lahk sahm ahve thahr frahnds ah ahrahnd." [2]
"Grr! Stupid thing!" said the horny gargoyle. He turned back to their captives to see that they had escaped. "Gaah! I knew that Kunai with Chain that blondie and that albino sold us was defective!"
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Wanna know how they escaped?
Okay, here's what happened.
"HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!!!" the voice shouted again.
"Aaaaaaah!!!" said the bunch.
"Here's our chance!" whispered Ryou to his friends. He had quickly devised a plan once the recording had started. "Téa, you like dancing?"
"Oh wow!" said the girl, the stupid-looking stars returning to her eyes. "I LOVE DANCING!"
"Shhsh! Not so loud!"
"Okay."
"Can you show us some of your favorite moves?" asked Ryou sweetly.
"Okay, sure!!! This," she bent her legs, "is a plié." Some of the chains came loose. "This," she mimed leaping, "is a jété!" More of the chains came loose. "And this!" she spun; the rest of the chains came off, "is a pirouette!!! Did you like it?" She turned to Ryou and Mokuba, who were about a million miles away, running as if their lives depended on it (and it probably did, too.) "Wait for me!!!" Téa followed. [3]
Then the gargoyles finished yapping and saw them gone. The end.
Well, maybe not the end.
Let's go to one of our favorite characters!!!
"ZzZzZzZzZzZz..." slept the mime. [4]
Uh, okay.
COMMERCIAL BREAK, THEN!!!
"We love to see you smile!!!"
"I'm a big kid now!!!"
"Fanta, fanta, dontcha wanna?!!"
"All new battles! All new Pokémon! You gotta catch 'em all!!!"
END COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!
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"Hah hah hah!!! This is veeeeeery amusing!!! Hah hah hah!!!" the stupid guy laughed stupidly, making all, if any, stupid listeners stupidly cringe. "Hah hah hah!!! I wonder what dear old Seto Kaiba is doing!!! Hah hah hah!!!" In laughing stupidly he stupidly slapped his stupid knees too stupid hard. "Ow!!! Hah hah hah!!!
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"What the..." said Kaiba, looking around the very bare room he was in. "How to get out of this place?" It was your typical small room, a closet, perhaps, except it had no doors or windows, the ceiling was veiled in shadow, and the source of light was unascertained.
Seto rubbed a hand lightly against one wall, grimacing as whitewash powdered his fingertips. Where he touched, a flap opened and a small canary-yellow teddy bear tumbled out and fell on Seto's shoes.
"Gampa?" sniffed the stuffed bear. He turned his button eyes to the human above him, who was wide-eyed at seeing a teddy bear that could talk. "Are you my Gampa?" he lisped, cocking his head cutely.
"Um, no, I am not your Gampa," Seto said shortly, startling a bit when he recognized the bear's voice as Yugi's, an infantile Yugi, but Yugi nevertheless. Where the fuck was he?!
"G-gampa...!" The teddy burst out in chokes and sobs and began to wail.
The glass of Seto's locket cracked.
Trying to prevent any more glass breaking, the brunette bent down as well as he could to meet the poor bear's eyes. "D-don't cry," he said hoarsely, not used to the words coming out of his mouth. Seto cleared his throat. "We'll find your Grandpa soon, and he'll be okay."
A slight shuffle indicated yet another presence was joining the pity party. A scrawny long-haired chihuahua crawled out of a hole in the corner that wasn't there before.
"Doggy!" gasped the bear. He buried his head in Seto's hands out of fright. Seto habitually held the bear closer to himself.
The puppy whined at the sight of the two-people? creatures?-now staring at him. He turned his head to the wall in apology at intruding.
"My gods... Joey?" gasped Seto.
"Rrr...!" the dog growled in reply.
Seto blanched slightly and glared at the puppy through slitted eyes. "Mutt..."
A Raggedy Ann doll with swarthy hair cut short clambered from behind the dog. "WAAAAH!!!" it yowled lividly, its beady eyes gleaming enviously at Kaiba. At the sight of the toy, Yugi-bear deserted him, toddled over to her, and hugged Raggedy Téa.
A fluttering of wings sounded and a small mockingbird landed on his shoulder and began to hop around, singing. Some of its farcical squawks and squalls sounded a lot like the words, "Big brother, big brother, big brother!!!" Of course, this was Mokuba.
"Ryoaw!!!" a pair of kittens mewed as they clambered out of a door behind Seto. The chocolate wirehair hissed at the dog in animalistic rivalry, while the white British shorthair amused itself by pawing at the cuff of Seto's pants.
"Hmm," Seto mused. "The two cats must be Tristan and Bakura... well, I always thought Bakura was the bunny kind, preferably of the Playgirl ilk."
"Chyuu!" said Bakura, screwing up its face in disdain. He padded conspicuously away from Seto as if from a malodor and sat down near where Tristan and Joey were fraying. Hitherto, Tristan had the upper hand, but Joey was fighting a worthy battle.
Unbeknownst to the happy family until it was too late, the murkiness on the ceiling had slipped down the walls and was slowly shrouding the group. Realizing this trouble, Seto sat up quickly, caused Mokuba to fall off his shoulder. The animals/dolls melted into the floor, crying pitiously for help, but Kaiba half-hearted reaches were in vain as all light disappeared and the only thing he could see was a charcoal-black of nothingness.
"Hey Kaiba!!!"
The hell-?! Seto turned swiftly in all directions but could see nothing... wait, what was that...? A flash of red denim...
"Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!!"
A pink overgrown hare bounded over to Seto, who was facing the wrong direction. With a sinister chuckle, it whapped his back, causing him to fall on his face.
"Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo...!!!" Seto moaned as his worst fear danced around him as if sacrificing him to the pagan gods...
Funny Bunny!!!
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Okay, I'm gonna end it here, partially because I'm getting freaked out by the visuals I just concocted and partially because I think I wrote too much. I'd reeeeeeeeeally like it if someone drew the last scene (hint, hint)! Why not me, you ask? 'Cus I'm too lazy, hah!!! Ta-ta for now and stuff, and don't forget to REVIEW!!! Oh, and email me ideas for the next chapter at chocolate_cathe@mad.scientist.com. Whee!!! ^_______^
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NOTES ×
[1] Happosai! The pantie-stealing, tit-glomper of Ranma ½!
[2] Translation: "Just a stupid tape recorder. Looks like some of their friends are around."
[3] Uhh... I know like, next to nothing about ballet and I'm not reeeeeeeeally sure I got the terms right, eh heh heh... so like, if I've made a mistake, review and tell me and make me look stupid! ^_^
[4] Well he's one of MY favorite characters... for some reason, not many people like mimes --;; I'm missing something, ain't I?
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-Wook! A button! Cwick on it, lesshee what it do!!!-
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RATING × R for language
GENRE × Humor
SUMMARY × For some reason, Yugi and friends are traveling to California (don't ask how so in only an SUV). Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues.
WARNINGS × Shounen ai, stupidity, a hint of random, very OOC-ness, it could be AU, and everyone-bashing. Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
Wow, Chapter three... I thought I'd NEVER get started on this... so, writing this at 10 in the morning (that's VERY early for me!) the writing quality will be a little low... Aww, who'm I kidd'n' the writing quality always IS low!!! So like, stop reading this and start readin' the fanfic, y'alls!
THREE DAYS LATER UPDATE × Uh, some things I gotta warn you against- there's no shounen ai (implications or otherwise) in this chapter... *people throw things at her* Ow!!! The PAAAAAAAIN!!! Um... enjoy?
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
DISCLAIMER × I don't get it. What is the POINT of writing this stupid thing? Ehh, better safe than sorry. I don't own Fanta, Yu-Gi-Oh, McDonald's, Charlie's Angels, Scooby-Doo, Laughing Cow cheese (yummie!!!), Pokémon, Digimon, Pampers diapers, the Stinky Cheese Man, or any other registered trademark I've mentioned in all and any of the chapters.
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############### flashbacks (more than one?! dear Ra, no!!!) ###############
"Quack!" "Peep!" "Squeak!" "Honk!" "Arf... uh, I mean, Quack!"
"Mokuba, put those ducks down!" Kaiba and the others got out of the vehicle to join the boy.
# switch #
"We love to see you smile!" sang Mokuba as they all got out of the car and into McDonald's. Kaiba ordered while everyone else tried to find a seat. They ended up taking two booths, Téa, Tristan, Joey, Yugi and Ryou in one, and the Kaiba brothers in a smaller one.
# switch #
"Joey..." He paused, for suspense, for emphasis, or to enjoy the sensation of Joey's breath on his face, Ra only knows. "I want you... to give me..."
# switch #
"I am NOT a kitty! I'll wipe that smirk off your face, you just watch!" yelled Tristan, sounding a disturbingly lot like Joey. He jumped onto the porch...
and fell through the floor.
# switch #
"Well, let's go then!!!" cried the ever-cheerful Mokuba, grabbing the key from the mime and skipping off to their assigned room.
############### end flashbacks (well, that was completely random!) ###############
'All of us, sharing one room... I don't think we're going to survive this road trip,' thought Ryou as the group walked down a barely-lit corridor.
"169B, 169B... aha! Here it is!" Mokuba and friends entered the room, and gasped.
Two plump, fresh-smelling beds with velvet canopies sat in two corners of the room. A door to the left led to a shiny-new bathroom, complete with jacuzzi. The shag rug smelled of jasmine and eau de toilette. And, in the middle of it all...
a table full of grub.
"MY GAAAAAAWD!!! WUH'RE 'N PARADISE!!!" Joey sang, immediately digging in.
"I am... sort of hungry," said Ryou, joining the taller boy.
"Yeah! Even though we just ate lunch, haha..." Téa agreed.
"Too bad Tristan ain'ts here, BUT NOBODY CARES!!" Yugi submitted into the group of teenagers messing up the carpet.
"Big brother... can I?" said Mokuba, looking up at Seto with big teary eyes.
"Yes, you can... but I've already lost my appetite looking at these losers. Go join them, I'm going out to examine the car and look for any damage," he replied as he walked out the doorway...
and fell through a hole in the middle of the corridor.
"BIG BROTHER!!!" Mokuba ran out to catch a glimpse of his big brother falling down the pit.
"K-kaiba?" asked Joey uncertainly.
Téa stared. "He's... gone... j-just like Tristan."
"What kind of stupid game is this?" Yugi whispered.
Then, suddenly, with a clash and a boom, the lights went out.
"It's a blackout!" they heard Téa say.
"Naaaaaw, REALLY?!" Ryou's unusually sarcastic voice sounded out, followed by a disgusted snort.
As if responding to Ryou, the lamps fluttered on again, revealing several very freaked-out teenagers piled on Mokuba.
"Uhh... you guys, can you get off? I think I'm suffocating..." he managed out.
Everyone else sweatdropped. "Sorry, Mokuba!" they said in unison, stepping off the boy.
"That's a lot better. Back to the food?"
"Okay!" The teenagers turned back to the luxury room and saw a room that was the epitome of all the cheap, cockroach-infested apartments in the gloomy parts of town.
"Whaddafuck?! Whay'r's da gruuuuub?!" Joey sobbed.
Téa put her hand to her mouth in surprise. "It was all an illusion!"
"I'm still hungray... n'fact, I'm's hungray's I was 'foe dis hotel was hay'r!" whined Joey like the pooch he was.
Ryou thought for a second and said, "I'm betting the food was an illusion too!"
"Gaaaaaaaah!!!" Joey jumped up and down in a tantrum. "Dat's it! Imma find dat stupid mime an' set dings straight!!!" He went off in a huff.
"Well, that was amusing. I'm tired, gonna hit the sack." Yugi stretched his arms over his head and yawned.
"Dibs on the couch!" shouted Mokuba. He ran in the room and began jumping up and down on the couch in a feeble attempt to fluff it up.
Téa groaned. "How can he be so happy about this?!"
"We'll never know, Téa," Ryou said, shaking his head sadly. "We'll never know."
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"Ugh, my head... it feels like BURNING!!!" Tristan moaned. "Where the hell am I?" He studied his surroundings and concluded from his observations that he was... nowhere. Tristan's too stupid to conclude from his observations, whatever those are.
The boy stood up and tried walking, but soon fell back down due to his ankle which was twisted from his earlier fall. A dusty bureau stood off to one side, accompanied by a torn sofa with springs jutting out from the fabric and one of its legs discarded. Tristan took a book off a nearby bookshelf and opened it.
"Oooooh!!! The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales! This was my favorite book when I was a kid!" Tristan cried in joy. He opened the book directly to 'The Stinky Cheese Man,' plopped down on the sofa's only useable cushion, and began reading.
Unfortunately, when books are read by semi-literate jackasses with funny hair, there's bound to be a word in there, somewhere, in which said jackass would be stuck on. Right in the middle of Jack introducing Little Red Riding Hood, such a word appeared.
"Oh nooooo!!!" Tristan sobbed. Like Pegasus said, there is always a way to make people play your game, with the proper incentive or something like that. Now with motivation, Tristan stood up, folded the book, keeping his finger in his place, and limped off to find the others.
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"Yaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yawned Mokuba, opening his mouth reeeeeeeeally reeeeeeeeeeeeally wide. Awwwwwwwww, how cute. So anyways, he yawned, right? And that yawn woke Téa and Ryou up.
"Mornin'!" said Ryou to the two... Wait, two? Where's Yugi??
"Where's Yugi??" asked Téa.
Heeey!!! I just said that!
"Whoops. My bad." She rolled her eyes cynically.
"Uhh, do we care?" said Mokuba. "Let's go exploring!!!" he cried cutely, and led the way outta the room, singing. "Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones! They're a something something faaaaaaamily!!!"
Ryou and Téa groaned.
A few gazillion corridors later.....
"There is gloom and doom, when things go boooooooooooooom!!! In Dexter's-"
Ryou finally broke down. "WHEN WILL THIS END?! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" he shouted, tearing at his hair.
"Lookit! A door!" sayeth the mighty Téa, pointeth-ing at a door at the end of the hall-eth.
"THE EXIT!!!" Ryou began running feverishly towards the end of the hall, but...... WHAT'S THIS?! THE DOOR IS MOVING AWAY FROM HIM!!! "What?! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Realizing this was all hopeless, he purposely tripped and fell to the ground.
"........" Téa walked the three feet to the door and opened it. "You really should stop drinking that tamarind candy shit."
"Shut up," Ryou sobbed in reply.
"-commander and the leader! Bubbles! She is the joy and the laughter! Buttercup!" sang Mokuba as he skipped out the open door. The teenagers sighed and followed him.
It turned out they wandered onto the roof. It was a very daaaaaaaaaark roof, because... uh, it's still night. Well, see, it's like this- Mokuba woke up to pee and that was how he yawned, and that woke the other two up, then he found out it was all a false alarm, then they left the room to... because Ryou had to pee, and the bathroom previously adjoining the room... collapsed.
"........."
Yeah..... that's it.
"Look! Gargoyles!" said Téa, pointing to the winged goblins lining the edge of the roof. "How PRETTY!" Stars came alive in her eyes and danced around. They found the situation boring and jumped back into her eye sockets. "Ow! That smarts!"
"Pretty, Téa? Are you blind?!"
"I am now..." replied Téa, rubbing furiously at her eyes, but Ryou ignored this and continued ranting.
"Those things are the ugliest wrecks I've ever seen! I've seen better faces on the rear end of a cow with diarrhea! Whoever sculpted them must've used his feet! What are you smoking, Téa?! Pretty?! These gargoyles are grotesque!!!"
"Dude, that's, like, harsh!" said one of the gargoyles.
"Yah, that is like, totally grody to the max!" a female one shouted.
"We ain't takin' none of this bull, man!" finished another gargoyle.
"ATTACK!!!" The gargoyles leapt for the three teenagers.
Suddenly, the theme to Charlie's Angels came on. Naaaaaa ne naaah!!! Nanah ne naaaa ne naaaaaaaah!!!
"Angels!" bellowed a voice from the sky. "Meet your adversary... the GARGOYLES!!!"
"Heeeeeeeyaah!!!" said Téa, Ryou and Mokuba, suddenly decked out in shades, microminis, tiny tops, and really high boots. They started some bogus-looking kung-fu shit and pretty soon, the gargoyles were history.
Um, actually I'm kidding about that.
The gargoyles tied up their captives and locked them all into a storage room a few floors down.
"Hey, sweetcheeks, howsabout me and you go somewhere... alone?" a gargoyle looking, sounding, and *bleugh* smelling a lot like Happosai [1] crooned.
"I don't date stone statues covered in pigeon shit!" snapped Téa, her earlier allegation of prettiness vanished.
"Not you, bitch, I was talking to the small one with the ebony hair, the fuck-me boots, and the luscious, luscious pretty pink lips."
"......." Mokuba stared blankly at the pervert slowly advancing on him.
"HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!!!" came a voice from nowhere.
"What the hell was that?!" said a bunch of people/gargoyles.
"HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!!!" the voice shouted again.
"Aaaaaaah!!!" said the bunch.
"HANDS OFF MY BR-" the voice stopped with a little click.
"Jahst ah stahpid tahpe raycahdah..." said a gargoyle. She held up a tape recorder to the other members of her species. "Lahks lahk sahm ahve thahr frahnds ah ahrahnd." [2]
"Grr! Stupid thing!" said the horny gargoyle. He turned back to their captives to see that they had escaped. "Gaah! I knew that Kunai with Chain that blondie and that albino sold us was defective!"
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Wanna know how they escaped?
Okay, here's what happened.
"HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!!!" the voice shouted again.
"Aaaaaaah!!!" said the bunch.
"Here's our chance!" whispered Ryou to his friends. He had quickly devised a plan once the recording had started. "Téa, you like dancing?"
"Oh wow!" said the girl, the stupid-looking stars returning to her eyes. "I LOVE DANCING!"
"Shhsh! Not so loud!"
"Okay."
"Can you show us some of your favorite moves?" asked Ryou sweetly.
"Okay, sure!!! This," she bent her legs, "is a plié." Some of the chains came loose. "This," she mimed leaping, "is a jété!" More of the chains came loose. "And this!" she spun; the rest of the chains came off, "is a pirouette!!! Did you like it?" She turned to Ryou and Mokuba, who were about a million miles away, running as if their lives depended on it (and it probably did, too.) "Wait for me!!!" Téa followed. [3]
Then the gargoyles finished yapping and saw them gone. The end.
Well, maybe not the end.
Let's go to one of our favorite characters!!!
"ZzZzZzZzZzZz..." slept the mime. [4]
Uh, okay.
COMMERCIAL BREAK, THEN!!!
"We love to see you smile!!!"
"I'm a big kid now!!!"
"Fanta, fanta, dontcha wanna?!!"
"All new battles! All new Pokémon! You gotta catch 'em all!!!"
END COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!
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"Hah hah hah!!! This is veeeeeery amusing!!! Hah hah hah!!!" the stupid guy laughed stupidly, making all, if any, stupid listeners stupidly cringe. "Hah hah hah!!! I wonder what dear old Seto Kaiba is doing!!! Hah hah hah!!!" In laughing stupidly he stupidly slapped his stupid knees too stupid hard. "Ow!!! Hah hah hah!!!
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"What the..." said Kaiba, looking around the very bare room he was in. "How to get out of this place?" It was your typical small room, a closet, perhaps, except it had no doors or windows, the ceiling was veiled in shadow, and the source of light was unascertained.
Seto rubbed a hand lightly against one wall, grimacing as whitewash powdered his fingertips. Where he touched, a flap opened and a small canary-yellow teddy bear tumbled out and fell on Seto's shoes.
"Gampa?" sniffed the stuffed bear. He turned his button eyes to the human above him, who was wide-eyed at seeing a teddy bear that could talk. "Are you my Gampa?" he lisped, cocking his head cutely.
"Um, no, I am not your Gampa," Seto said shortly, startling a bit when he recognized the bear's voice as Yugi's, an infantile Yugi, but Yugi nevertheless. Where the fuck was he?!
"G-gampa...!" The teddy burst out in chokes and sobs and began to wail.
The glass of Seto's locket cracked.
Trying to prevent any more glass breaking, the brunette bent down as well as he could to meet the poor bear's eyes. "D-don't cry," he said hoarsely, not used to the words coming out of his mouth. Seto cleared his throat. "We'll find your Grandpa soon, and he'll be okay."
A slight shuffle indicated yet another presence was joining the pity party. A scrawny long-haired chihuahua crawled out of a hole in the corner that wasn't there before.
"Doggy!" gasped the bear. He buried his head in Seto's hands out of fright. Seto habitually held the bear closer to himself.
The puppy whined at the sight of the two-people? creatures?-now staring at him. He turned his head to the wall in apology at intruding.
"My gods... Joey?" gasped Seto.
"Rrr...!" the dog growled in reply.
Seto blanched slightly and glared at the puppy through slitted eyes. "Mutt..."
A Raggedy Ann doll with swarthy hair cut short clambered from behind the dog. "WAAAAH!!!" it yowled lividly, its beady eyes gleaming enviously at Kaiba. At the sight of the toy, Yugi-bear deserted him, toddled over to her, and hugged Raggedy Téa.
A fluttering of wings sounded and a small mockingbird landed on his shoulder and began to hop around, singing. Some of its farcical squawks and squalls sounded a lot like the words, "Big brother, big brother, big brother!!!" Of course, this was Mokuba.
"Ryoaw!!!" a pair of kittens mewed as they clambered out of a door behind Seto. The chocolate wirehair hissed at the dog in animalistic rivalry, while the white British shorthair amused itself by pawing at the cuff of Seto's pants.
"Hmm," Seto mused. "The two cats must be Tristan and Bakura... well, I always thought Bakura was the bunny kind, preferably of the Playgirl ilk."
"Chyuu!" said Bakura, screwing up its face in disdain. He padded conspicuously away from Seto as if from a malodor and sat down near where Tristan and Joey were fraying. Hitherto, Tristan had the upper hand, but Joey was fighting a worthy battle.
Unbeknownst to the happy family until it was too late, the murkiness on the ceiling had slipped down the walls and was slowly shrouding the group. Realizing this trouble, Seto sat up quickly, caused Mokuba to fall off his shoulder. The animals/dolls melted into the floor, crying pitiously for help, but Kaiba half-hearted reaches were in vain as all light disappeared and the only thing he could see was a charcoal-black of nothingness.
"Hey Kaiba!!!"
The hell-?! Seto turned swiftly in all directions but could see nothing... wait, what was that...? A flash of red denim...
"Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!!"
A pink overgrown hare bounded over to Seto, who was facing the wrong direction. With a sinister chuckle, it whapped his back, causing him to fall on his face.
"Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!! Hey Kaiba!!!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo...!!!" Seto moaned as his worst fear danced around him as if sacrificing him to the pagan gods...
Funny Bunny!!!
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Okay, I'm gonna end it here, partially because I'm getting freaked out by the visuals I just concocted and partially because I think I wrote too much. I'd reeeeeeeeeally like it if someone drew the last scene (hint, hint)! Why not me, you ask? 'Cus I'm too lazy, hah!!! Ta-ta for now and stuff, and don't forget to REVIEW!!! Oh, and email me ideas for the next chapter at chocolate_cathe@mad.scientist.com. Whee!!! ^_______^
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NOTES ×
[1] Happosai! The pantie-stealing, tit-glomper of Ranma ½!
[2] Translation: "Just a stupid tape recorder. Looks like some of their friends are around."
[3] Uhh... I know like, next to nothing about ballet and I'm not reeeeeeeeally sure I got the terms right, eh heh heh... so like, if I've made a mistake, review and tell me and make me look stupid! ^_^
[4] Well he's one of MY favorite characters... for some reason, not many people like mimes --;; I'm missing something, ain't I?
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-Wook! A button! Cwick on it, lesshee what it do!!!-
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