TITLE × Road Trip, Cheese, and Breathing on the Glass
RATING × R for language
GENRE × Humor
SUMMARY × For some reason, Yugi and friends are traveling to California (don't ask how so in only an SUV). Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues.
WARNINGS × Shounen ai, stupidity, a hint of random, very OOC-ness, it could be AU, and everyone-bashing. Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
La la la la la... yes, I have nothing to say XP
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DISCLAIMER × Here's a list of things I don't own but I've used a line/idea/its name/its product in my fic so far: Yu-Gi-Oh!, California (the song by Phantom Planet, not the state, though I don't own that, too), Laughing Cow Brand spread cheese, Sixth Sense, Tiny Toons, Kmart, Duel Monsters, Tenchi Muyo/Universe/in Tokyo, McDonald's, Good Burger, Scooby-Doo, Digimon, the Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, the Flintstones, Dexter's Laboratory, the Powerpuff Girls, Charlie's Angels, Ranma ½, Pampers Pull-Ups, Fanta, Raggedy Ann, Playgirl, Funny Bunny (yes, I'm treating it like something other than Yu-Gi-Oh!), Ren & Stimpy, Drew Carey, the Three Stooges, Mr. Rogers, Looney Tunes, the Animaniacs, Harry Potter, Pokémon (didn't I say that already? o.O), nor Lewis Carroll. And if you can name all the times I've used a line/idea/its name/its product in my fic so far, I'll let you a little cameo here, but beware, you will be very very very very uhh... disliked.
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In the last chapter of Road Trip!!! (Shceeeww d-rum da dum dum waaaaaam!!! [1])
Everybody but Tristan goes to their room, Seto falls down a hole in the corridor, Joey goes off looking for food, Tristan reads a book and gets stuck on a word, Yugi goes missing in the middle of the night, Téa, Ryou, and Mokuba get abducted by gargoyles and escape, and Seto is stuck in the middle of a phantasm. Yay! No flashbackies!
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"Hah hah hah!!!" cried the overzealous... guy. "Hah hah hah!!! I SHALL have my revenge!!! In fact!!! I'll have it NOW!!! Hah hah hah!!!"
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Since the last time we've checked on him, Tristan had wandered out of the basement and was now hobbling up a flight of stairs, holding tightly onto the banister for support. So far, he's traveled up five floors, deciding to emerge onto the seventh floor because of the suppositional lucky properties of the corresponding number.
Suddenly! A blast of white dust sheathed the boy, spreading out broadly over the steps.
"Aaaaaaaaaah!!!" cried Tristan. "Anthraaaaaax!!!" He stumbled over his own feet in trying to avoid the motes and fell down, down, down the stairs, bonking his head on every step. Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Good thing the helmet of gel and spray on his pate protected it or else it would've split open and rained blood and gush and brains all over the steps and the next person that came by would hafta clean it all up and that wouldn't be very salubrious, would it?
Once the dust completely surrounded the boy, blocking any spectators from perceiving even the faintest outline of his body, it disappeared as posthaste as it arose, reveiling no sign of Tristan Taylor, except for...
THE CUTEST LITTLE CHOCOLATE-BROWN KITTEN EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peeking out from an overturned copy of Stinky Cheese.
".........mew?" it mewled discomfittedly.
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"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!"
"No."
"Just teeeeeeeeeeeell! Please, please?!"
"No!"
"Aww!!! I'll be, like, fo'evah gratefoo!!!"
Yami Bakura turned disgruntledly to the groveling Joey beside him.
"What part of 'no' do you not understand?! No, I will not tell you that I acquired the Kunai with Chain through intervention of the Shadow Realm!!!" he shouted.
Joey crossed his arms and pouted. "Why noooooooooooooot?! I--wait... waiddaminute..."
Worried was Yami Bakura. 'How did Ryou locate such stupidity incarnates?!'
"Oooh!" exclaimed Joey, clapping his hands in glee. "I get it now... I dink!" He got smacked by Bakura. "Owwies!"
The rest of the promenade continued in silence, until they reached a dead-end, the only way out being a door marked 'STAIRS.'
"Whadda way'rd h'tel! Da rest o' da hotel looks lahk shiet but dis door's lahk new! Should we entah?" Joey wondered aloud.
"Why not? I don't want to go back to those gargoyles," Yami Bakura said in a low voice, mentally adding, 'The old, wrinkled one was trying to cop a feel! Ugh!!! And can I STAND any more wasted time with this bumbling blonde?! I sure hope stupidity ain't contagious. Wait! I just said 'ain't!' Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...'
"Gak--! What wuz dat?!" Joey blurted out, whirling around.
Annoyed at his partner's interruption on his unvocalized soliloquy, Bakura smacked him again. "Shut UP!" He pushed open the door and started up the stairs.
"Dang! Lookit all dem stay-uhs! Haven't dey evah hoird o' el'vatahs?!"
"Grr..." The yami tried not to smack him again, for fear he would get immune from the pain. 'But then again, can he even feel it?' He started up the stairs and stumbled when he heard an agony-tainted yowl.
"Kitty!" Joey cooed, scooping up the Tristan-feline whose tail Bakura had stepped on. "Aww... ain't KITTY ado'able?!" He said, as Tristan burrowed languidly into the warm arms.
"What's this...? 'The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales,'" read Bakura, scoffing at the triviality of the title. Tristan let out an overprotective wail. "Looks like THIS belongs to KITTY." He spat out the word 'kitty' as if it were a loogey or tobacco juice.
"Oh! Dat wuz Tristan's fav'rahte book when he wuz a kid." After a moment, Joey added, "I dink it steel is!"
"Whatever. It's probably his cat or something. We'll have it for dinner," the other boy said in an oily drawl as he thrusted the tome at the blond haughtily and began to ascend the stairs.
"WHAT?! DINNER?! Of somedahng as kee-yoot as dis?!" Joey chased after him angrily, ready to argue the subject to bits.
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"La la la la la!" It was a happy-happy-joy-joy day, and Ryou, Mokuba, and Téa were skipping up a lovely sunlit garden path. Mokuba was leading, with Ryou next, and Téa bringing up the rear.
"La la la la la!" they sang again in an eerily cheerful voice.
"Let's go LEFT!" they all said at the same time when reaching a corner in which the only way you could go was left.
"Jinx!" they all said simultaneously. Then they giggled obnoxiously.
"Double jinx!" they said, again in unison. They giggled more.
After a few moments of pure, golden silence...
"Once twice double triple jinx with sugar babies on top!!!' Giggles. And the jinxing continued.
To one spectating in this asinine pastime, the three teenagers were either mad or frivolously wasted. (Or they could've been on the set of Drew Carey's, but that wasn't the case.) Anyways, to attain a state of mind as cloddish as this would be--debatedly--difficult, but it had happened to the poor trine and here's how it did...
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"Hey, wait for me!" Téa ran after Ryou and Mokuba in escaping from the hold of the gargoyles.
"You're so slow! Hurry up!" Ryou yelled.
"Did you even APPRECIATE my moves?!"
Ryou gritted his teeth and braced himself for some kind of overenthusiastic display of affection. "Yes."
"OH RYOU!!!" Ryou fell on his face as Téa head-glomped him from behind. They landed in a compromising position that, if Kaiba had not restricted Mokuba's Internet use, would get him, let's say, pondering.
"Hey, you two, stop fooling around! We have gargoyles to--WHOA!!!"
The floor wrenched beneath the weight of the three stooges, and yielded, dropping them into the garden you see now.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be a garden maze.
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After 10 hours of rambling uselessly around the labryinth, with a fixed sun in the noon slot, throwing violently searing rays at the poor trio's backs, and the 20-feet-high hedges gave no shade to appease said backs, wouldn't you crack, too? And to make it worse...
"Stop there, you three!"
"Who were singing terribly!"
Para and Dox somersaulted out of the air (looking absolutely stupid, I might add) and landed in front of the trio with a idiotic "HEEEEI-YAH!!!"
Ryou and Téa and Mokuba yawned and looked bored.
"To get past, you must defeat us in a duel!"
"So which two of you would you use as fuel?!"
"...Huh?!" The two older kids began to turn back to normal (Mokuba was never normal.)
"You, brother, cannot rhyme for shit!"
"Well, give me better words then, you misfit!"
"SHUT UP!!!" Ryou began his transformation from Mr. Rogers to perma-PMS incarnate.
"What, are YOU to fight us, squirt?"
"Hah! Take a laugh at the little twerp!"
"Please do not make me, for my sides will burst!"
"Not if MY sides do so first!"
"Grr..." A big red ugly stupid-looking vein began floating above Ryou's head. "STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!"
"Catfight," Téa whispered to Mokuba happily, which Mokuba didn't get, but pretended to.
Lividly, Ryou pounced on the twins and, with the help of his French-manicured nails and his Listerine-pretty pearly whites, he bludgeoned and gashed them to near-death.
"Ooooooooooh!!!" Téa and Mokuba cringed as Para's head was bashed into the hard-packed dirt, sending flurries of dust into flight.
"Aaaaaaaaaah!!!" Téa and Mokuba cringed again as all of Dox's elbows and knees somehow barreled into his groin.
"Uuuuuuuugh...!!!" Para and Dox groaned painfully.
After a few minutes...
"Let's go now!" Ryou chirped happily, stepping over the battered, bloody mess on the floor. He tucked a loose strand of ivory behind his ear effeminately and continued down the corridor.
"..........." Mokuba and Téa glanced at each other, shrugged, and hurried after the sashaying bishounen.
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"Nooo... get your hands off me, you stupid bunny... No... don't--you CAN'T!!!" Seto's lids flew up, revealing bloodshot, fear-widened eyes. "It was..." His chest heaved with throat-tearing sobs. "...a dream... just a dream..."
"Whatchas dream?" asked an annoying, puerile voice.
"Y-yugi?!!" Seto sat up to meet face to face with... yes, you guessed it--Tweety Bird! No, it really is Yugi, tied up in twine so his knees met his chin, so sorry, Seto/Yugi fans, them lips can't meet without some difficulty.
"I heard you says 'bunny!' What's so scary abouts a bunny?"
Kaiba retaliated the question with one of his own. "Who tied you up?" That did it. Seto leaned back with a relieved sigh as Yugi began ranting.
"That bitch of a yami! Geesh, you'ds think he wouldn'ts be so friggin's sensitive at us leavin's him at behind, the shit!"
Kaiba reeled back, bug-eyed at Yugi's uncharacteristic use of language.
"Y'know whats he did?! Y'KNOW WHATS?! This WHOLE mansion's his invention! He's playin' us likes we're in some weirded-outs dollhouse of his!"
'That explained the dream,' Seto thought.
"He was the one mades Tristan fall down the porch on purpose! He was the one who mades you drop down in that corridor! And of course, the food was--"
"Wait, wait, wait... how do you know all this?"
Yugi inhaled sharply, unprepared at the interruption. "Well, like the usual stupid crackpot villain, he captured me and while he worked his magic (ewws, that wasn'ts well thought out) he told me EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!"
"I see..." murmured Kaiba, nodding his head knowingly. He jotted down something on a clipboard and pushed his horn-rimmed glasses higher on the bridge of his nose. "Where do you think everyone is now?"
Yugi, lying down on a burgundy-colored sofa, unlaced his fingers and began gesturing animatedly, his long black ears waving. "Well, Doctor Scratchandsniff, now everyone is... hey wait a minutes..."
The two looked down at themselves and shuddered. There was a flash and they were back in their regular clothes.
"Damn yami's playin' us agains. Gah--! I'm still tied up! Anyways, Tristan's turned into a cat, you're with me in a broom closet, Joey gots lost lookin's for food, and Yami was gonnas sic Para ands Dox on Téa, Ryou, and your brother. That's all I found outs, then he dropped me here."
"Hmm."
There was an awkward silence. Finally, Yugi spoke up.
"Uh, mind getting me outtas these ropes?"
"Yes."
There was another awkward silence, which, after several awkward seconds, it was awkwardly broken by an awkward hatchet whose handle fell awkwardly on Seto's head, knocking him out, and whose sharp edge cut awkwardly through Yugi's binds.
"Wow, never thought I'd say this but," Yugi took a breath and shook off the ropes that weren't already shaken off before looking up paranoidly and continuing, "Thanks."
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"Damn, I'm getting soft." Yami shook his head, flinging his spiky blonde bangs every which way. He managed a weak laugh (hah hah hah!!!) before fiddling around with the controls on the demo author control panel he had bought from an amateur fanfiction writer in a dark alley in Chinatown. "Hmm... let's have a reunion, shall we... yes... HAH HAH HAH!!!"
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"Tinky Winky! Dipsy! Lala! Po! Teletubbies! Teletubbie! Say! Heh! Lo! Eh-oh!!!" Mokuba sang annoyingly.
"Isn't that ROMANTIC, Ryou?" Téa cooed.
"Uh, no."
"C'mon, admit it! It's soooo sweet!"
Ryou was now VERY VERY worried about the sanity of his two partners. "CUTE?! TÉA!!!" He sighed, then continued in a lower voice. "Téa, you reeeeeeeeeally need to have your priorities sorted." He turned to the girl and facefaulted when he saw she had ignored him since long ago and was now singing along with Mokuba.
"Dammit! Someone hates me up there..." Ryou shook his fist senilely at the sky and when that didn't result in anything significant, he released his frustration on one of the many pebbles lining the path. It bounced away and dropped down a hole and hit a latch which activated a lever which turned a wheel that pulled a string that released a platform that let out a bunch of rocks and stuff that fell down towards Ryou, Téa, and Mokuba but missed and made a biiiiiiig hole that they fell into.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" they said stupidly as they fell, but nobody was around to hear them, but that was just as well because they don't matter up to anything anyways.
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Yugi grunted at each step, staggering under the weight of Seto's body. He dropped the burden to wipe his brow and noticed something in the distance.
"An exit!" he gasped, and indeed it was. A metal door sat lumpily at the end of the hallway, light seeping through the space between the door and its jamb. Yugi leapt for joy, but unfortunately he was too short to bonk his head on the wall and hurt himself. "Kaiba! Kaiba, wake up!!! I found an exit!" He shook the older boy but failed to make him do anything else but groan. "Grr!!!" Yugi gripped Seto's collar and started pulling him difficultly towards the door.
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"OW!!!" said Ryou, Téa, and Mokuba as they fell on a VERY VERY hard surface [2]. Thank Ra their fall was alleviated slightly by Joey, Bakura, and Tristan.
"OW!!!" they said.
Then they all sat up and looked at each funnily.
The silence was broken when Téa noticed the cat. "Kitty!" she cried, and reached for Tristan, who walked uncertainly into her range. "Oh, she's so cute!" Téa said, hugging him tightly so he couldn't breathe.
"She?! It's a he!" Joey cried indignantly.
"She!"
"He!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"SHUT UP!!!" yelled Bakura, slapping Joey upside the head. He blacked out.
"..." Ryou, being more gentle (haha, riiiiiight), only poked one of Téa's pressure points. She blacked out.
"Great, how we gonna carry them?" asked Mokuba.
"Uhh..."
"OW!!!" said Bakura as the floor door [3] hit him VERY VERY hard on the head when it flew open. He blacked out.
"Big brother!!!" Mokuba flew into Seto's arms, then realized that Seto was blacked out.
Yugi plopped himself down next to Ryou, his chest heaving for breath. "Damn... *puff* Kaiba... *puff* is heavy *puff*!!!" He blacked out.
After a VERY VERY long silence, Ryou said: "Great, how are we gonna carry them all?"
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NOTES ×
[1] My rendition of that thing that goes on when it happens on the dub... "On the last episode of Yu-Gi-Oh..." Yes, I'm 'tupid.
[2] As for where they landed... y'know sometimes, between flights of stairs, there's at least some space where you get out onto the floor? Yeah, there.
[3] See footnote [2].
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If you don't review, I'll sic Joey on you!!!
Joey: Bark. Click on the purple button. Bark.
RATING × R for language
GENRE × Humor
SUMMARY × For some reason, Yugi and friends are traveling to California (don't ask how so in only an SUV). Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues.
WARNINGS × Shounen ai, stupidity, a hint of random, very OOC-ness, it could be AU, and everyone-bashing. Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
La la la la la... yes, I have nothing to say XP
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DISCLAIMER × Here's a list of things I don't own but I've used a line/idea/its name/its product in my fic so far: Yu-Gi-Oh!, California (the song by Phantom Planet, not the state, though I don't own that, too), Laughing Cow Brand spread cheese, Sixth Sense, Tiny Toons, Kmart, Duel Monsters, Tenchi Muyo/Universe/in Tokyo, McDonald's, Good Burger, Scooby-Doo, Digimon, the Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, the Flintstones, Dexter's Laboratory, the Powerpuff Girls, Charlie's Angels, Ranma ½, Pampers Pull-Ups, Fanta, Raggedy Ann, Playgirl, Funny Bunny (yes, I'm treating it like something other than Yu-Gi-Oh!), Ren & Stimpy, Drew Carey, the Three Stooges, Mr. Rogers, Looney Tunes, the Animaniacs, Harry Potter, Pokémon (didn't I say that already? o.O), nor Lewis Carroll. And if you can name all the times I've used a line/idea/its name/its product in my fic so far, I'll let you a little cameo here, but beware, you will be very very very very uhh... disliked.
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In the last chapter of Road Trip!!! (Shceeeww d-rum da dum dum waaaaaam!!! [1])
Everybody but Tristan goes to their room, Seto falls down a hole in the corridor, Joey goes off looking for food, Tristan reads a book and gets stuck on a word, Yugi goes missing in the middle of the night, Téa, Ryou, and Mokuba get abducted by gargoyles and escape, and Seto is stuck in the middle of a phantasm. Yay! No flashbackies!
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"Hah hah hah!!!" cried the overzealous... guy. "Hah hah hah!!! I SHALL have my revenge!!! In fact!!! I'll have it NOW!!! Hah hah hah!!!"
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Since the last time we've checked on him, Tristan had wandered out of the basement and was now hobbling up a flight of stairs, holding tightly onto the banister for support. So far, he's traveled up five floors, deciding to emerge onto the seventh floor because of the suppositional lucky properties of the corresponding number.
Suddenly! A blast of white dust sheathed the boy, spreading out broadly over the steps.
"Aaaaaaaaaah!!!" cried Tristan. "Anthraaaaaax!!!" He stumbled over his own feet in trying to avoid the motes and fell down, down, down the stairs, bonking his head on every step. Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Good thing the helmet of gel and spray on his pate protected it or else it would've split open and rained blood and gush and brains all over the steps and the next person that came by would hafta clean it all up and that wouldn't be very salubrious, would it?
Once the dust completely surrounded the boy, blocking any spectators from perceiving even the faintest outline of his body, it disappeared as posthaste as it arose, reveiling no sign of Tristan Taylor, except for...
THE CUTEST LITTLE CHOCOLATE-BROWN KITTEN EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peeking out from an overturned copy of Stinky Cheese.
".........mew?" it mewled discomfittedly.
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"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!"
"No."
"Just teeeeeeeeeeeell! Please, please?!"
"No!"
"Aww!!! I'll be, like, fo'evah gratefoo!!!"
Yami Bakura turned disgruntledly to the groveling Joey beside him.
"What part of 'no' do you not understand?! No, I will not tell you that I acquired the Kunai with Chain through intervention of the Shadow Realm!!!" he shouted.
Joey crossed his arms and pouted. "Why noooooooooooooot?! I--wait... waiddaminute..."
Worried was Yami Bakura. 'How did Ryou locate such stupidity incarnates?!'
"Oooh!" exclaimed Joey, clapping his hands in glee. "I get it now... I dink!" He got smacked by Bakura. "Owwies!"
The rest of the promenade continued in silence, until they reached a dead-end, the only way out being a door marked 'STAIRS.'
"Whadda way'rd h'tel! Da rest o' da hotel looks lahk shiet but dis door's lahk new! Should we entah?" Joey wondered aloud.
"Why not? I don't want to go back to those gargoyles," Yami Bakura said in a low voice, mentally adding, 'The old, wrinkled one was trying to cop a feel! Ugh!!! And can I STAND any more wasted time with this bumbling blonde?! I sure hope stupidity ain't contagious. Wait! I just said 'ain't!' Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...'
"Gak--! What wuz dat?!" Joey blurted out, whirling around.
Annoyed at his partner's interruption on his unvocalized soliloquy, Bakura smacked him again. "Shut UP!" He pushed open the door and started up the stairs.
"Dang! Lookit all dem stay-uhs! Haven't dey evah hoird o' el'vatahs?!"
"Grr..." The yami tried not to smack him again, for fear he would get immune from the pain. 'But then again, can he even feel it?' He started up the stairs and stumbled when he heard an agony-tainted yowl.
"Kitty!" Joey cooed, scooping up the Tristan-feline whose tail Bakura had stepped on. "Aww... ain't KITTY ado'able?!" He said, as Tristan burrowed languidly into the warm arms.
"What's this...? 'The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales,'" read Bakura, scoffing at the triviality of the title. Tristan let out an overprotective wail. "Looks like THIS belongs to KITTY." He spat out the word 'kitty' as if it were a loogey or tobacco juice.
"Oh! Dat wuz Tristan's fav'rahte book when he wuz a kid." After a moment, Joey added, "I dink it steel is!"
"Whatever. It's probably his cat or something. We'll have it for dinner," the other boy said in an oily drawl as he thrusted the tome at the blond haughtily and began to ascend the stairs.
"WHAT?! DINNER?! Of somedahng as kee-yoot as dis?!" Joey chased after him angrily, ready to argue the subject to bits.
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"La la la la la!" It was a happy-happy-joy-joy day, and Ryou, Mokuba, and Téa were skipping up a lovely sunlit garden path. Mokuba was leading, with Ryou next, and Téa bringing up the rear.
"La la la la la!" they sang again in an eerily cheerful voice.
"Let's go LEFT!" they all said at the same time when reaching a corner in which the only way you could go was left.
"Jinx!" they all said simultaneously. Then they giggled obnoxiously.
"Double jinx!" they said, again in unison. They giggled more.
After a few moments of pure, golden silence...
"Once twice double triple jinx with sugar babies on top!!!' Giggles. And the jinxing continued.
To one spectating in this asinine pastime, the three teenagers were either mad or frivolously wasted. (Or they could've been on the set of Drew Carey's, but that wasn't the case.) Anyways, to attain a state of mind as cloddish as this would be--debatedly--difficult, but it had happened to the poor trine and here's how it did...
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"Hey, wait for me!" Téa ran after Ryou and Mokuba in escaping from the hold of the gargoyles.
"You're so slow! Hurry up!" Ryou yelled.
"Did you even APPRECIATE my moves?!"
Ryou gritted his teeth and braced himself for some kind of overenthusiastic display of affection. "Yes."
"OH RYOU!!!" Ryou fell on his face as Téa head-glomped him from behind. They landed in a compromising position that, if Kaiba had not restricted Mokuba's Internet use, would get him, let's say, pondering.
"Hey, you two, stop fooling around! We have gargoyles to--WHOA!!!"
The floor wrenched beneath the weight of the three stooges, and yielded, dropping them into the garden you see now.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be a garden maze.
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After 10 hours of rambling uselessly around the labryinth, with a fixed sun in the noon slot, throwing violently searing rays at the poor trio's backs, and the 20-feet-high hedges gave no shade to appease said backs, wouldn't you crack, too? And to make it worse...
"Stop there, you three!"
"Who were singing terribly!"
Para and Dox somersaulted out of the air (looking absolutely stupid, I might add) and landed in front of the trio with a idiotic "HEEEEI-YAH!!!"
Ryou and Téa and Mokuba yawned and looked bored.
"To get past, you must defeat us in a duel!"
"So which two of you would you use as fuel?!"
"...Huh?!" The two older kids began to turn back to normal (Mokuba was never normal.)
"You, brother, cannot rhyme for shit!"
"Well, give me better words then, you misfit!"
"SHUT UP!!!" Ryou began his transformation from Mr. Rogers to perma-PMS incarnate.
"What, are YOU to fight us, squirt?"
"Hah! Take a laugh at the little twerp!"
"Please do not make me, for my sides will burst!"
"Not if MY sides do so first!"
"Grr..." A big red ugly stupid-looking vein began floating above Ryou's head. "STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!"
"Catfight," Téa whispered to Mokuba happily, which Mokuba didn't get, but pretended to.
Lividly, Ryou pounced on the twins and, with the help of his French-manicured nails and his Listerine-pretty pearly whites, he bludgeoned and gashed them to near-death.
"Ooooooooooh!!!" Téa and Mokuba cringed as Para's head was bashed into the hard-packed dirt, sending flurries of dust into flight.
"Aaaaaaaaaah!!!" Téa and Mokuba cringed again as all of Dox's elbows and knees somehow barreled into his groin.
"Uuuuuuuugh...!!!" Para and Dox groaned painfully.
After a few minutes...
"Let's go now!" Ryou chirped happily, stepping over the battered, bloody mess on the floor. He tucked a loose strand of ivory behind his ear effeminately and continued down the corridor.
"..........." Mokuba and Téa glanced at each other, shrugged, and hurried after the sashaying bishounen.
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"Nooo... get your hands off me, you stupid bunny... No... don't--you CAN'T!!!" Seto's lids flew up, revealing bloodshot, fear-widened eyes. "It was..." His chest heaved with throat-tearing sobs. "...a dream... just a dream..."
"Whatchas dream?" asked an annoying, puerile voice.
"Y-yugi?!!" Seto sat up to meet face to face with... yes, you guessed it--Tweety Bird! No, it really is Yugi, tied up in twine so his knees met his chin, so sorry, Seto/Yugi fans, them lips can't meet without some difficulty.
"I heard you says 'bunny!' What's so scary abouts a bunny?"
Kaiba retaliated the question with one of his own. "Who tied you up?" That did it. Seto leaned back with a relieved sigh as Yugi began ranting.
"That bitch of a yami! Geesh, you'ds think he wouldn'ts be so friggin's sensitive at us leavin's him at behind, the shit!"
Kaiba reeled back, bug-eyed at Yugi's uncharacteristic use of language.
"Y'know whats he did?! Y'KNOW WHATS?! This WHOLE mansion's his invention! He's playin' us likes we're in some weirded-outs dollhouse of his!"
'That explained the dream,' Seto thought.
"He was the one mades Tristan fall down the porch on purpose! He was the one who mades you drop down in that corridor! And of course, the food was--"
"Wait, wait, wait... how do you know all this?"
Yugi inhaled sharply, unprepared at the interruption. "Well, like the usual stupid crackpot villain, he captured me and while he worked his magic (ewws, that wasn'ts well thought out) he told me EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!"
"I see..." murmured Kaiba, nodding his head knowingly. He jotted down something on a clipboard and pushed his horn-rimmed glasses higher on the bridge of his nose. "Where do you think everyone is now?"
Yugi, lying down on a burgundy-colored sofa, unlaced his fingers and began gesturing animatedly, his long black ears waving. "Well, Doctor Scratchandsniff, now everyone is... hey wait a minutes..."
The two looked down at themselves and shuddered. There was a flash and they were back in their regular clothes.
"Damn yami's playin' us agains. Gah--! I'm still tied up! Anyways, Tristan's turned into a cat, you're with me in a broom closet, Joey gots lost lookin's for food, and Yami was gonnas sic Para ands Dox on Téa, Ryou, and your brother. That's all I found outs, then he dropped me here."
"Hmm."
There was an awkward silence. Finally, Yugi spoke up.
"Uh, mind getting me outtas these ropes?"
"Yes."
There was another awkward silence, which, after several awkward seconds, it was awkwardly broken by an awkward hatchet whose handle fell awkwardly on Seto's head, knocking him out, and whose sharp edge cut awkwardly through Yugi's binds.
"Wow, never thought I'd say this but," Yugi took a breath and shook off the ropes that weren't already shaken off before looking up paranoidly and continuing, "Thanks."
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"Damn, I'm getting soft." Yami shook his head, flinging his spiky blonde bangs every which way. He managed a weak laugh (hah hah hah!!!) before fiddling around with the controls on the demo author control panel he had bought from an amateur fanfiction writer in a dark alley in Chinatown. "Hmm... let's have a reunion, shall we... yes... HAH HAH HAH!!!"
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"Tinky Winky! Dipsy! Lala! Po! Teletubbies! Teletubbie! Say! Heh! Lo! Eh-oh!!!" Mokuba sang annoyingly.
"Isn't that ROMANTIC, Ryou?" Téa cooed.
"Uh, no."
"C'mon, admit it! It's soooo sweet!"
Ryou was now VERY VERY worried about the sanity of his two partners. "CUTE?! TÉA!!!" He sighed, then continued in a lower voice. "Téa, you reeeeeeeeeally need to have your priorities sorted." He turned to the girl and facefaulted when he saw she had ignored him since long ago and was now singing along with Mokuba.
"Dammit! Someone hates me up there..." Ryou shook his fist senilely at the sky and when that didn't result in anything significant, he released his frustration on one of the many pebbles lining the path. It bounced away and dropped down a hole and hit a latch which activated a lever which turned a wheel that pulled a string that released a platform that let out a bunch of rocks and stuff that fell down towards Ryou, Téa, and Mokuba but missed and made a biiiiiiig hole that they fell into.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" they said stupidly as they fell, but nobody was around to hear them, but that was just as well because they don't matter up to anything anyways.
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Yugi grunted at each step, staggering under the weight of Seto's body. He dropped the burden to wipe his brow and noticed something in the distance.
"An exit!" he gasped, and indeed it was. A metal door sat lumpily at the end of the hallway, light seeping through the space between the door and its jamb. Yugi leapt for joy, but unfortunately he was too short to bonk his head on the wall and hurt himself. "Kaiba! Kaiba, wake up!!! I found an exit!" He shook the older boy but failed to make him do anything else but groan. "Grr!!!" Yugi gripped Seto's collar and started pulling him difficultly towards the door.
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"OW!!!" said Ryou, Téa, and Mokuba as they fell on a VERY VERY hard surface [2]. Thank Ra their fall was alleviated slightly by Joey, Bakura, and Tristan.
"OW!!!" they said.
Then they all sat up and looked at each funnily.
The silence was broken when Téa noticed the cat. "Kitty!" she cried, and reached for Tristan, who walked uncertainly into her range. "Oh, she's so cute!" Téa said, hugging him tightly so he couldn't breathe.
"She?! It's a he!" Joey cried indignantly.
"She!"
"He!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"SHUT UP!!!" yelled Bakura, slapping Joey upside the head. He blacked out.
"..." Ryou, being more gentle (haha, riiiiiight), only poked one of Téa's pressure points. She blacked out.
"Great, how we gonna carry them?" asked Mokuba.
"Uhh..."
"OW!!!" said Bakura as the floor door [3] hit him VERY VERY hard on the head when it flew open. He blacked out.
"Big brother!!!" Mokuba flew into Seto's arms, then realized that Seto was blacked out.
Yugi plopped himself down next to Ryou, his chest heaving for breath. "Damn... *puff* Kaiba... *puff* is heavy *puff*!!!" He blacked out.
After a VERY VERY long silence, Ryou said: "Great, how are we gonna carry them all?"
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NOTES ×
[1] My rendition of that thing that goes on when it happens on the dub... "On the last episode of Yu-Gi-Oh..." Yes, I'm 'tupid.
[2] As for where they landed... y'know sometimes, between flights of stairs, there's at least some space where you get out onto the floor? Yeah, there.
[3] See footnote [2].
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Joey: Bark. Click on the purple button. Bark.