Title: Raging Numb

Author: CrashOverride

Rating: PG

Part V B: Last Minute Decisions

"Duo!…You come back here!… I don't know why you would want to go back! I don't know what happened in your mind that wanted you to go back to that place once again… But for god's sakes COME BACK TO ME…. To us…. We need you…. I need you…. Duo Maxwell. You have 30 seconds to come back to this reality before I leap out of the window to your gundam, pull out the self-destruct button, and push it while deciding to agree with Relena with the fact that you are absolutely insane and stupid. You now have 15 seconds…. Come on Duo… Deathscythe Hell…. Or you mind…"

' He wouldn't.... How could he threaten such a thing? That's almost like me selling Heero to Relena and giving OZ Wing! ... Deathscthe or mind... god damn it Heero! I want both! You can't make me decide! How could you even think about giving me an ultimatum! I swear Heero I will get my revenge upon you...

"Your friends... or your memories…"

' Friends and memories are the same are they not Heero... in both worlds I have them all... where or not there are living are buried. Even you can't take them away. I will forever have them... but then again, they will die, and in my mind I will have only what I remember of them. How can you do this Heero..? I thought you had a heart. You can't tell me this is for my own good. I am not so incapacitated to not know if I am hurting myself in the process of living my own life. Yes mentally I may be wrong but for good sakes... wrong right now feels so right... so inviting... and so warm... so very warm Heero... even in this cold cruel world, in this war we are fighting, its soo warm here... I have never felt that warm... not for a long time.... Can't you understand why I want to be here..? Why I don't want to go back.... Why can't you see things from my point of view? I know you have a heart, not matter what you say, I know have a heart and are still human...'

"Me…or no me…"

'...Why are you asking such a question... you don't love. You are not in love with me... you don't care... the mission is all that you are after...'

"5 seconds…."

' Do I love you enough to go back to such a cruel world? Do I have enough strength to endure that cold again... just for you..? For your smile I never see...'

"4…."

' ... For the love you will never hold for me... for you laughter I may never hear...'

"3…."

'...For the kisses I will never taste... for the skin I will never touch... for the passion I will never see in your eyes....'

"2…."

' ...Your eyes, such an endless cobalt, that I would love to see once again... just to drown in.... how I wish I could physically stare into your cobalt depths enough to drown... I would die happy...'

"1…"

' For the love I have for you Heero... that is how I can endure all the pain of the world... I will come back... for you... only for you.... For love... For pain... and for the "never's" that I want to hear, see, taste, touch and feel... all for you...'

"Leave my Gundam and Relena out of this Heero. I'll stay.... I'll stay..." I whisper softly, staring at Heero slightly before, I crawl out of bed, and leave the room. 'You never said I had to be happy Heero.... You never said it....' I though frowning slightly, as a thick fog of depression settled over my mind. Walking past a window in the currently vacant house, I noticed the soft tapping of a natural rain, flashed of lightening interrupted the beautiful dark gray sky. Striding downstairs and out to the covered porch, I leaned against one of the beams by the steps, wrapping my arms around my chest.

The rain, warm falling, cold to the touch, fell softly, over the vast green lawn. Tending to the plants of the forest, slowly bringing the smell of the earth out in the open, leaving the beautiful nature vulnerable. Purity, falling from the menacing clouds, seemed so ironic, something to troubling, dark, and vengeful, leaving purity in its wake. Almost like myself, ' only I take purity and leave death in my wake' I thought bitterly, before sliding down the beam and bringing my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly, hoping to draw as much comfort as I could to myself.

In the distance, a black Ford Explorer pulled into the driveway and 3 silhouettes stepped out bags in all hangs, slowly stalking towards the door. Voices could be heard as they came near, portraying a happiness and relaxed stated, ' one that I want...' I thought burying my head in my knees, hoping they would walk past me.

"Duo?" Quatre voice interrupted my newfound appreciation for the soothing sound of the rain.

"Hai..." I mumbled not moving or looking up. They stepped on to the porch, staring at me, well gawking at me really.

"What are you doing out here Maxwell? Shouldn't you be in bed still?" Wufei asked, no emotion or concern in his voice.

"Yes Duo I agree, you should be in bed, resting gathering your strength... getting better." Quatre chimed in.

"I will in a while... I just want to be alone... I want to enjoy the rain..." I said dolefully, knowing that they are were questioning my mental state, even if they would ask me, one would for surly ask me next if I was ok.

"Duo are you alright?" 'Funny... I knew one of you would ask... how predictable... its almost sad, but funnier.

" For now I am the best that I will be. Now... I think you should go inside, I will be in, in a while, I'll answer most of your questions when I come in.... just let me be... for now..." I said sternly, before blocking them out, and turning my senses to the rain, feeling it... hearing it. Tasting it... knowing for sure it was real. I don't know if they said anything more, but it wasn't till the rain had finally stopped that I stood. Stretched, and walked inside. It was darker, colder... ' Heh.... Cold.... Warm rain... cold to my skin... must have been out there a while...' I thought stepping into the kitchen and grabbing an apple before siting down at the table, where the others sat enjoying their dinner. I sat at the head while; Trowa and Quatre were to my right, Wufei and Heero to my left. Biting my apple, I rested an elbow on the table and rested my chin in my hand, chewing thoughtfully on the apple. It was then that everything came up. I knew it would come. The Questions.