Title: Raging Numb

Author: CrashOverride

Part VI: Question and Answer Session

Rating: PG 13

The questions, I knew were coming whether I wanted them to or not. It would be better to answer them not and drop it, I reasoned with myself, biting into the apple once again. The fruits bitter and sweet taste soon began to disgust me, standing and dropping it into the garbage, I decided I needed something to easy the tension I was going to feel no matter what, when the interrogation was going to start. Grabbing the large bottle of Russian vodka from the freezer, I sauntered over to the table, shot glass in one hand, vodka bottle in the other, and I took my seat once again. All eyes were on me as I pour one shot and gulped it down quickly, the familiar intense burning sensation following down my throat to my stomach where it settled. Gulping a small breath of air, I poured another shot, put the lid back on the bottle and sat back, turning my attention to the others while slowly running my finger around of the full shot glass.

"Duo?" questioned first, curiosity and concern filling his voice, as his eyes darted from mine to the glass and back.

"You have right now to ask all the questions that you want to know. Once none of you can come up with anything more, then we drop it, and no questions maybe asked about it at a later date. This is a one-time chance. Take it or leave it. I. WILL. NOT. ANSWER. ANY. MORE. QUESTIONS. AFTER. THIS. CONCERNING. MY. "COMA".... Everyone got that?" I asked, darting my now blazing violet orbs to the others, as I got a variety of yes, yeahs, and head nods. Sighing slightly, I continued to run my index finger around the rim of the shot glass and focused on people in front of me.

"Alright.... Go ahead..."

"Are you alright?"

"If I was alright then I would not have drifted off into my own little world for 2 weeks now, would I have Quatre?"

"Fair enough.... Why did you come back... why today... why now?"

".... A.... Threat.... no... A negotiation happened between Heero and I.... I woke up then went back, but was.... Cruelly drawn back by perfect soldiers tactics..."

"What was the negotiation Maxwell?"

"...Deathscythe wouldn't be blasted to smithereens. And Heero here wouldn't agree with one of Relena's more... irritating comments about my personality, I... had to stay in this... reality to keep those. No more going to my nice little perfect world... ain't that right Heero?" I growled, glaring directly at him.

"Hn."

"How exactly did you put yourself in a come of sorts?... That is the only thing I can't seem to figure." Trowa asked, raising an eyebrow.

" Now that's the first good question I have been asked. It's kinda like a defense mechanism. Well... a psychological defense mechanism. I draw my conscious into a place in my mind that I created. My perfect world I guess. I am still conscious, just not to the real world; I can come and go, as I please, no harm down. Time, however, passes more quickly in my mind then in real life. Those two weeks, were more like several months in my mind. But once again, I control that factor. I control everything in there, if I want it to snow in the middle of July in Australia then it will. I can look up the real world when in that state; there are different stages I have when regaining real world conscious ness, as Heero found out today. I can hear when you guys talk to me. But sometimes I just block it out. I have only been to the place 2 times before this relapse..."

"Why?"

Turning my gaze from Trowa, I stared at Heero, face blank, eyes dull. I had a sudden urge to gulp down the whole bottle of vodka at that moment, though I reframed, using all myself control in the process. 'Why?... WHY'.... My god... you of all people should have a slight idea as to why.... Don't let my idea that you Heero Yuy can see when someone is mentally suffering... or for me... are you just blind. I am beginning to think that you are blind no matter what the others believe. I must just be a torn in your side. An uncomfortable part of the mission you wish you could be rid of...' I thought, my emotions getting the better of me.

"Why?" I asked incredulously. "Why? Because my mission failed! Because years worth of work that can't be found again is lost! Because everything I had, was lost, because they came back. The pain. The agony. The brutality. The blood. The fear. Because it all came back! Relentless!" I yelled, standing up, breathing heavily, staring into the cold cobalt orbs before me.

"...Duo calm down..." Heero's monotone voice replied. Cold, and stoic as ever. 'Nothing will get you to change it will Heero?' I laughed sarcastically, at my thoughts, before backing away from the table, watching the others, as the observed my movements, slowly, standing up, ready to give chase.

"Calm down? Have you ever lived on the streets Heero? Have you witnessed your loved ones get slaughtered? Have you been beaten to death for trying to survive, and left for dead? Where you raped when you were 9? Do you know what comes with that? Have you ever felt the self-disgust that comes with that, the feeling of being tainted, stained? Immortally dirty? Did you ever let that happen again and again because you couldn't stop it, because you were never in control? Tell me Heero have you?" I growled, looking down at my hands as they began to tremble violently.

"Please Heero, answer me, tell me you lived that life, with all the suffering that came with and tell me that you still came out with your head raised, never wanting to be in a world were you could control everything. Tell me I was wrong to do it. Tell me that Relena is right and that I am just a worthless street brat. I dare you Heero." I yelled anger boiling over the edge, erupting into a blinding rage. I took another step back, knowing that I could make it to the door, though I would have to take down both Trowa and Wufei. Quatre, would leave me be, knowing that his space heart is slowly being overwhelmed. It would be painful for the blond angel, and I regretted that... but I could not control that.

Heero stood silently, not responding me as tremors took over my body, balling my hands into painful fists, I tried to control the shaking as much as I could, but I knew I was shaking noticeably, and would be no matter what I tried. Taking another step towards the door, Wufei and Trowa took 2 towards me, preparing for the chase. It was then that Heero's eye bore through me, and he broke the tension and silence that had formed.

"I can't say I have, Duo. Nor can I say that I will agree with Relena's views on you. But I will state the truth. You are needed are part of this team to complete all missions that come up. You are needed here as a friend and as the only one whom will keep us sane. You are for surly the only one here to remind us every once in a while that are we are not only soldiers but also teens. You have kept the peace whether you want to believe that or not. You are not alone in this world. You are both wanted and needed. And it has come to my attention that no matter what; all of us here will make sure that nothing happens to you again. Even if it is not in our power. Understand?" It took awhile but I nodded, looking down, at the tiled floor, before turning and leaving the kitchen. Making my way to my room I closed the door with a simple 'click' knowing that they had watched me every second. Throwing off my shirt and pants, I climbed into my cold bed, curling up into a ball as tightly as I could get, before thinking over the night's conversation.

'... Dear mental diary. They now know. I don't know if that is totally a good or bad thing. It's hard to define. So I guess that is both. Heero gave heart-warming speech in a dry ice voice. His words, I believe, are true, though as I stated earlier. I may have come back for him, into this world of endless death and suffering. But that does not mean I will be happy. I will not put on that damned mask any more... I promise myself that... for Shinigami's sake, I will not. Heero is getting what he asked for. Congratulations. It is not his move in this eternal game of struggle. Who will come up on top? Him or me? I don't believe I will place my bet yet... but soon... soon I will know who to look out for... who will be my true friends and my enemies...' I thought bitterly. Slowly uncurling myself, I reached over to my nightstand and pick up my CD player, turning it to the last song and pressing the repeat button. Placing the head phones over my ears, I grabbed a pillow, hugged it to my chest, as the song start, and curled into a tight ball, pull the sheets and blankets over my head. Listening to the sooth song, I drifted off, listening to... 'This is where your sanity gives in... And love begins... Never lose your grip... don't trip... don't fall... you'll lose it all... The sweetest way to die... It lies deep inside... you can not hide...'

CrashOverride: So tell me.... do you like? Should I continue? Are there people out there still reading this? Or... what? Hmmm.... I just might have to hold back writing another part... I don't know.... what do you think? '^_^'