And here we are again with the daylater (hey, that sounds Australian imo). As usual, I'm sorry I'm late. I'm also sorry that we don't get to telling the parents just yet; this first part just kept growing & growing & next thing I knew it was too big to put the other part on there too. Well, I'll get to it next week, which means Angelica will find out the week after & she'll join them on that same day (in the story, not in real life) & when she does, look out! Fair warning: there is some crossover in this and it will continue in both succeeding chapters & down the road HA! fics which are to date in my mind but which will be written in a matter of time. Also, I'd like to apologize in advance to any New York Yankees fans who might be offended. You might think that I'm a fan of the Texas Rangers, which would be true. I'm also a fan of the current president, so please don't misconstrue the use of his daughter in this fic.
Thanks for the reviews. I admit the dialogue was a bit confusing. I've been reading some Rrs & HA! fics & saw terse dialogue where it was hard figuring out who was talking without repeated readings & I guess I must've picked it up. I don't really like playing 'he said she said' & I'm not the only one. ;) In alphabetical order, I'd like to thank Ally, Kimmy Larisa, Lil Kimi, Nightw2, & Starry Nights. Thank y'all.
Rugrats & all Rugrats characters & concepts are created, owned, & / or copyrighted by Klasky-Csupo & / or Nickelodeon, which in turn is owned by Viacom. The Wally Show, Timberly Johanssen & her brothers, the city of Hillwood & Mickey Kaline Jr. are created, owned & / or copyrighted by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which as I said is owned in turn by Viacom. A Family Thing was distributed by MGM, The Godfather by Paramount. The Houston Texans are copyright the National Football League. The Texas Rangers & the New York Yankees are copyright Major League Baseball. Barbara Ann was written by Fred Fassert & was released by Capitol Records on the album Beach Boys Party. Tiny Toon Adventures & all TTA characters are copyright Time-Warner / Amblin Entertainment. The Memphis Grizzlies are only obliquely referred to here & are not to be confused with the Grizzlies of the Baseball episode of Rugrats, even if such was my intention. Be that as it may, that team is still copyright the National Basketball Association. Beau Geste was written by Percival Christopher Wren & at least one version of it is copyright Regnery Publishing. And I'm starting to get sick of all of these disclaimers, but what can we do.
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*CLICK*
"Hello, you have reached..."
"Fort DareDeville,"
"the residence of"
"Tom Pickles,"
"Kamikaze Kimi Watanabe-Finster,"
"C.C. 'Chuck' Finster III,"
"Phil & Lil Deville,"
"and Dr. Susie Carmichael."
"Most of us are here right now,"
"But we're unable to come to the phone"
"because we're sleeping off"
"the jet lag we got"
"on our last plane trip."
"Except for me, but I'm out of state right now."
"If you'd leave your name,"
"your number,"
"and / or a message,"
"we'll get back to you"
"as soon as we recover."
"You might want to wait until you hear a beep first."
*BEEP!*
"Hello, kids, it's Didi Pickles. Hello, Tommy. The get-together has been pushed back a day, because we think that Charlie should have a chance to recover from the jet lag he'll have when he gets back tomorrow; I hope none of you will be inconvenienced by that. The time & place are the same; our house at 6:00. See you then, bye kids!"
It was 5:45 on the day of the Pickles party. The four families --- Pickles, Finster, Deville, & Carmichael --- were gathered at Stu & Didi's house to celebrate the numerous recent accomplishments of their collective progeny, with a few exceptions.
Two of these exceptions were now at the studio where DareDevilles was filmed & the results of the shoots assembled into the episodes. The executive producer was emerging with a certain videotape and was at that moment getting into the shotgun position of a certain station wagon driven by a high ranking executive of one of the chief sponsors of the show.
"Please tell me that other tape is already here."
"I got it before we came here; it's in the glove compartment. You wanna get it out? We want both of them at the ready."
"Right. Um, we're running short on time; are you sure we won't be late?"
"We won't. Time to floor it, Finster!"
"Um, no, don't do that."
"Chuck, take your foot off the brake."
"Only if you promise not to speed."
"Alright, I promise not to speed."
"Good."
"Did anyone ever tell you you're just a bit edgy?"
"Only every day of my life."
"Not EVERY day."
"So I exaggerate. Can you blame me?"
"Yes. This constant gloom & doom of yours has a bad effect on you; you ever wonder why you occasionally get tagged 'Stinky'?"
"'Cause I got skunked that time?"
"So did our dads. No, I think your anxieties have a bad effect on your body. Which reminds me, here's your Pee-No."
"*snort*, bad name for it."
"Well, it works. Now wipe that frown off your face; we want to look our best for our families, especially with what we're going to spring on them."
"Yeah. Oh, I'm getting nervous again."
"Just chill out. Just flake out, totally relax your body & let your mind go. Try not to think of anything."
"I might go to sleep."
"If you do I'll wake you in plenty of time."
"Thanks, Tom."
"Don't thank me; there's only so many pills here."
"Very funny."
No further words were said as the two young men, destined to become brothers-in-law, drove on in silence.
When the wagon pulled into the Pickles driveway, they saw a dark figure in front of the house. A little later & it would have been hard to tell who it was. It was the last week before Daylight Savings went into effect, & the shadows of evening were starting to manifest themselves. However, there was still some light, & they recognized the figure in front of the house even before they emerged from the car.
Chuck was the first to speak. "Susie?"
"Hi, Chuckie. Hi, Tommy."
"Hi, Susie. Shouldn't you be inside with Phil & the others?"
"Yeah. I just needed some air."
"*sigh* What's the problem?" Tom asked.
"Well, Buster's in there."
"He actually found time between his football & soccer schedules?"
Chuck cut in. "Tommy, please. Is there a problem you have with your brother we don't know about?" he then asked Susie.
"Poor Phil; he's in deep enough already."
"Tommy?" Chuck warned.
"Sorry. Go on, Susie."
"Well, other than making noise about asking you to be his agent, Chuckie, I have no problem with him."
"I hope he doesn't expect me to do for him what I did for Dil. Once you hit your mid-30's--"
"I'm not worried about that. But he brought his new wife with him."
"And the problem is...?" Tom wondered.
"We just have a problem with the age difference."
"Susie, she's just a year younger than Dil."
"And Buster has seven years on me! Do you know what that means?"
"Um, lemme see, don't tell me, it's..."
"An eleven year age difference." Chuck interjected.
"Thanks, genius. I was about to say that."
"You snooze, you lose?"
"Not bad, Chuck. Just a little more assertive & I could actually believe you have a backbone."
"Sit across the negotiating table from me, then we'll talk."
"Guys?"
Tom returned his attention to its rightful place. "Sorry, Susie. But you do realize there's a couple years difference between you & Phil."
"Two years, not eleven!"
"Well, we'll let that go for now. Is there anything else?"
"Well, it doesn't help that she & Dad are in the same business."
"She's a writer for animation?"
"Not animation. It's that Wally show on Public Television."
"Eugh!" the boys chorused.
"Yeah. Let's just say family gatherings at the Carmichaels are just a bit tense these days."
No one said anything. Then a breeze manifested itself. Chuck pulled up the collar of his windbreaker.
"We'd better get inside." he commented.
Tom agreed. "Yeah. Don't worry about it, Susie. I'm sure that in time, you & the rest of your family will come to love Timberly."
"I hope you're right, Tommy."
"You're always the optimist, you know that, Tommy?" Chuck observed as they turned to the door.
"Yeah, you & I balance each other out, don't we?"
"Let's just get inside!" Chuck grumbled.
The trio entered the house, only to run right into Betty Deville.
"There you are! Hey, Deed, the last of the pups have entered the pen! Except the runt, of course."
"We're not exactly on the penned-up level anymore, Mrs. Deville." Tommy said.
"Ah, try telling a mom her pups are ready to leave the nest; it ain't gonna happen." And with that she'd disappeared into the crowd, doing who knows what.
"Boy is she formidable." Tommy commented.
"You're telling us?" came from Chuckie. "Why do you think Susie & I let you handle her?"
"Right," Susie agreed, "you're the only one of us who's not getting her for a mother-in-law."
That gave young Pickles pause. Then the shudders. "oooh! Betty Deville for a mother-in-law, no thanks! I'd prefer Kira Finster."
"She's a good mom, too." Kira's stepson deadpanned, drawing smiles from the others.
"Susie?" That was Dr. Lucy Carmichael. "Oh, thank goodness you're back! Could you please come over here & help us?"
"*sigh* Wish me luck, you guys."
"Good luck." wished the guys.
She had barely left their sight when the effects of Betty Deville's mouth made themselves known; namely, Didi Pickles, with both senior Finsters in tow.
"Well, welcome back, guy. We've been waiting for you two."
"Hello, Charlie."
"Hi Dad. Hi Mom."
"Tommy, were you outside without a jacket?"
"I didn't need it, Mom. It's in the 70's outside."
"Well, you never know when an evening chill might happen."
"She has a point there." Chuck didn't help. "The wind was picking up."
"Oh, thanks, friend."
"You're welcome."
"Tail kisser!"
"Apron-stringer!"
"Mirror-boy!"
"Guys?" Chaz interrupted. Taking advantage of the break to stop their insults, the boys went to their corners, so to speak. Tom returned his attention to his mother.
"Mom, where's Dad?"
"Well, I guess he's still in the basement?"
"Why do you two still work in that basement, anyway?" asked Chuck. "You have that r&d department at the factory downtown."
"We're used to coming up with things down there. It's where our creative energies are the strongest."
"What, did you get Master Bong to tell you that? Uh, no offense, Mom."
"None taken, Charlie."
"We didn't need to. Dad & I tried the labs, but it just wasn't the same. No, we can go about our business here thinking up inventions before we run it past our people. (And I can pick the bugs out of Dad's devices before then too)." he added the last part under his breath.
That got a laugh out of Chuck; fortunately for Tom, he was the only one to hear it.
"What was that, Tommy?"
"Nothing, Mom. Um, it would probably be a good idea for Dad to knock off about now. Chuckie & I got the entertainment for the evening." With that, the two young men each held up a videotape.
"The uncut version of Dil's press conference from yesterday?" inquired Chaz.
His son nodded. "Well, it's not really uncut because there are ladies present, but yeah. And the season finale of DareDevilles. Don't tell the others, though; we want for just our eight parents to be the first ones to see it."
"Wow! Well, I guess we'd better get Stu up here then."
And with that, the older adults set off for the basement. The younger adults, following in their wake, listened in on their conversation.
"My son, the executive producer."
"And super agent to the stars. They're not little kids anymore."
"They'll always be little kids to me. Honestly, Kira, do you see a grown woman when you look at Kimi?"
"Hmmm. You do raise a good point, Didi."
"Hey, Chaz!"
It was the senior Finster's old college buddy; of course, he had to respond.
"Um, I'll be right with you, Howard!" Then, "Um, Didi, how about you & the guys go on without us?"
"Alright, Charles."
Kira turned back to the boys. "Are you going?"
By then, Tom & Chuck had spotted the rest of the gang. "Well, we'd like to, Mrs. Finster, but..."
"...but we'd like to check in with my sister & the others."
Kira smiled. "I understand. See you around the house, then; I'm sure Didi can find the way by herself."
"I would hope so," Tom quipped, "she's only lived here for 25 years."
Kira nodded, then followed Chaz. "Koidi-do? Wait for me!"
"There's my guys!" came out of nowhere. As did the owner of that voice; with it, Kimi launched herself at Tommy.
"Excuse me?" came from Lil, who was performing a similar action on the other newcomer. "I believe Chuckie is--"
"My brother." Kimi finished, putting her brother in a headlock while maintaining her grip on Pickles. "I'm sure you think of Phil the same way?"
"Well..." Lil didn't answer, while looking at her twin. "Oh, Phiiiiil-liiiiiiip." Phil, nervous at seeing that familiar look in his sister's eyes, made a circuit just outside of the girls' reach, stopping behind the relative safety of the other guys.
And proceeded to put them through a different type of discomfort. "So, where's my Suze? What did you two do with Sue?"
"Disallowing for the moment your rhyming thing," Tom started.
"It wasn't us; it was the Carmichaels." Chuck finished. "She was on the porch when we got here; as soon as we came in her mother claimed her."
"Ah, it's a family thing."
"Um, Phil, you realize that movie had nothing to do with The Godfather, so there's no need for your cheezy Italian accent."
"Oh, I dunno, Tom, they both had Robert Duvall. And who better to do Duvall than Deville?"
"Is that my man's illogical logic I hear?"
"Suze!" And the third couple was now complete.
But Susie had not come alone; two others were with her, one of whom now made his presence known. "Hey what is this?"
Chuck fielded that one. "Well, 'this' is an indefinite pronoun which signifies something close at hand, as opposed to 'that' which signifies something other than in a certain place. The plural of it is 'these', and..."
Buster cut him off. "I mean, what's going on here?", glaring at the Phil & Susie couple as he did so.
Susie stood up to her brother. "What's going on is I'm showing affection for the man I love; you have a problem with that?"
Tom tried to perform some damage control. "Hi, Buster."
"Hello, college boy."
"Are you still on that?"
"Well, what would you expect? You didn't turn pro like you should've; I never got a chance to see how good the All-American really is, or should I say was."
"He's in the best shape of his life." Kimi didn't help.
"You don't say? Why don't you try out for a team, then? I've heard from some guys who played with Coach George that there's still a spot for you on the Texans, if you have the stuff. It'd be a treat; we defensive players are getting bored with Simms as quarterback."
"No thanks. I'm content as a sergeant of industry."
"I thought it was captain of industry." Chuck whispered.
"The company's not that big." Tom whispered back. "Besides," he continued, turning back to Buster, "you think I'd really want to go on the line with 'brain-Buster' Carmichael? No QB's safe from you!"
Then Susie horned in. "Hey Buster, you'd better not hurt any of my friends. Need I remind you I'm a doctor?"
"What's your point?"
"My point is, as a doctor I know where the nerves are." Susie strongly hinted. Even more strongly as she pinched a certain spot on her brother.
"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"
Lil took that moment to huddle. "Um, Chuckie, we need to talk."
The two of them stepped to the side. "What is it, Lil?"
"I need for the genius to figure something. How many people would you say are in danger so far?"
"Hmm, well, so far I count Phil, Tommy, Buster, & Susie."
"That's what I figured too. So for their sakes, as well as for those who might also get drawn in, someone needs to do something to stop this."
"Meaning me?"
"Please?"
"Alright." Chuck took a breath, then stepped toward Buster. "Pardon me, Buster Carmichael?"
Grips relaxed. "Yes?"
"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm C.C. 'Chuck' Finster III--"
"Agent to the stars? I've been wanting to meet with you."
"Like he hasn't known Chuckie since he was ten." Kimi muttered.
But now her brother was in his element. "Well, I hate talking shop while I'm trying to r&r, but what say we..." As Chuck led Buster to one side, his voice faded to the others.
Kimi was proud. "Bestest big brother in the world."
"Not counting me?" Tom asked.
"Oh, are you a big brother?"
"Hello." The gang now focused on the other newcomer. And I mean new; most of them had never met her before.
"Oh, where are my manners?" said Susie. "Everyone, I'd like for you to meet my sister-in-law, the former Timberly Johanssen."
"Hello"s & "Hi"s all around.
"Timberly, this is--"
"Oh, I know who they are. 'DareDevilles' is one of my favorite shows!"
"We get a lot of that." Phil commented.
At the same time, Tommy countered "that, and the Wally show."
"Of course." Timberly sheepishly said. "When I first met Buster, I had no idea that his father was Randy Carmichael of 'Dummi Bears' fame."
Why did she say that? It's doubtful that even she knew. An uncomfortable silenced ensued, broken by Lil. "So, Timberly, where are you from?"
"Ever hear of Hillwood, Washington?"
That provoked a chorus of "no"s, the lone dissenter of which was Tom. "Sure."
Heads turned. "Really?"
"Sure. That place turned out some of the stars of those Washington colleges that gave us such a big problem with winning the conference. Hillwood, Washington? Of course. The home of the jumpin', jivin', jammin' Johanssen brothers..." he trailed off, making the connection.
Which Timberly confirmed. "...and the Johanssen sister. I'm the cute one." she quipped.
That was Phil's cue. "Now where did I put my drum kit."
"Mom probably took the axe to it, Phillip!"
Tom went into diplomat mode. "Timberly, something tells me you're going to fit in just fine around here."
Timberly brightened. "Really?"
"Yeah," Kimi interrupted, "and if not, your family back home will never know what happened to you; once you join our little group you never get out."
"What about Samantha?" Lil asked.
"She's still in; she's just elsewhere at the moment."
"Right."
"Way to make her feel better, Kimi." Tom muttered, before trying once again. "No, really, we take some getting used to but that passes & you find yourself with a whole bunch of friends. It just happens that my brother Dil is just a year older than you."
"The billion dollar baby?"
"That's what they're calling him. Hopefully not to his face."
"My brother got him that contract." Kimi boasted.
"Speaking of," Tom said, noticing Chuck & Buster returning to their midst.
"...so you see it's far more simple than the old 'have your people call my people' cliche; you want me working for you so we sign a paper or two & there it is."
"Makes sense."
"Sounds like the 'super agent to the stars' has struck again." Lil commented.
"So what's the good word, 'C.C.'?" Phil asked.
"Well, I'd like for you people to meet my newest client."
"Yeah, now you can get them to show me the money!"
Silence.
Broken by Chuck. "Um, Buster, before we go any farther, you need to know that that old line is so obsolete. It's gone the way of 'Dyno-mite!'."
"I've been telling him that for so long." said Susie.
"No offense, baby sister, but I just had to hear it from someone in the business."
Timberly was giggling for some reason. "What?" Buster asked.
"Well, when you said 'baby sister'..."
"Oh yeah, you told me about someone upstate who doesn't like that term. Don't worry; I only use it on Suze." Buster responded.
Susie bristled at that. "Oh, Timberly, next time we're both at Mom & Dad's, remind me to show you some of Buster's baby pictures."
That caused Buster to break into a sweat. "Um, where's my agent?"
Chuck was on the job. "Don't worry; I'm sure I can work something out with Susie. Although I imagine a good start would be not calling her 'Suze'."
"Is it always like this?" asked Timberly.
"No, but it'll pick up in a bit." said Phil.
"Like I said, you'll get used to it." Tom said to Timberly.
"And they'll get used to me? Even my new in-laws?"
"Hey, they got used to his dad; you'll be easy." said Phil.
"What's that supposed to mean, Deville?"
"Only that Stu Pickles is the biggest & oldest Dummi Bears fanboy on the planet."
"The point is," Tom said, turning his attention away from Phil, "the Carmichaels will come around."
"I hope so. Since I knew to read the credits on tv shows Randy Carmichael has been one of my heroes. I didn't expect to become his daughter-in-law, & I certainly don't want to be on his bad side."
Unbeknownst to the group, the current topic of conversation was now behind the representatives of his family. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything..."
That provoked a variety of responses, including "Dad!" & "Daddy!"
"...but some of the others have been wondering when we'll be seeing those videotapes I hear you've brought."
Tom again defused the situation. "We're on it, Mr. Carmichael. Right, Chuck?"
"Right. Spread the word; the show's about to start."
Minutes later, everyone had gathered in the living room, vying for any available spot in view of the Pickles tv.
"What a shame that Dil couldn't be here." said Didi.
"He's still packing for his trip; he'll be here tomorrow, he's assured me." said Chuck.
"You know Angelica wanted to be here." said Charlotte, next to Drew. "She just couldn't get out of her schedule in Paris. She & Timmy send their love."
That brought a frown to Chuck's face; Lil noticed & squeezed his hand.
"Chuckeroo? It's your show." Tom prompted.
"Right." Chuck approached the tv, videotape in hand.
Before he inserted the tape, he turned to face the others. "For the record, I need to say before we start that since this covers something at which I was one of the principles, I could just as easily tell you what you want to know as play this for you."
"Just stick it in, Chuckie." came from his fiancee.
"Keeping in practice, Lillian?"
"Don't be disgusting, Phillip!"
"Phil, not being disgusting?" Tom faked incredulity. "Besides, you still go for the bugs & mud & worms as much as he does."
"There's mud, & then there's dirt."
By now they were getting shushes from all sides, so Tom indicated that Chuck should start the show, which he did.
The tape went in. PLAY was pushed. Fade in to a long table with a number of chairs on the far side. It was, basically, a typical sports press conference.
"Um, the reason you're not seeing anything happening just yet is that it's taking a while for them to get situated. You can see that we're--"
"SHHH!"
"I'm just saying that there won't be anything worth seeing or hearing for a few minutes, so if anyone wants me to hit CUE--"
"Hey, do you mind? We're trying to hear this."
"But there's nothing worth hearing! There won't be for a while!"
"Quiet, please."
"Look, I was there, I know what's going to happen, what you're going to see & hear!"
"Chuckie, shut up!"
"Please, guy?"
"If you don't mind, Charlie."
Even his parents; that capped it. Chuck slumped down & kept quiet for the next few minutes, minutes he knew would pass without incident on the screen.
Finally, "Anyone mind if I go get a glass of water?"
No response, which he took as a 'yes'. So he hit the kitchen.
Glass in hand, other hand on faucet, water pouring into the glass. He took a sip, then turned around, leaning on the sink. He was not happy right now, and for no good reason.
Eyes closed, he knocked back half the glass. He held the water in his mouth, allowing it to slowly succumb to small swallows. As soon as his mouth cleared, he sighed. "I don't know why I even try."
At that moment he felt the comfort of a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes & looked up, into the smiling, concerned face of his lifelong friend; Tom had apparently followed him from the living room.
"You try because you're our friend, & because you care." That brought a smile to Chuck; Tom went for more. "I know we don't tell you often enough, but we do appreciate what you do."
As unhappy as Chuck was a minute before, that was how happy he was now. "Thanks, Tom."
"If anyone deserves thanks, it's you." said Tom as he settled into a place on the sink ledge side by side with his best friend.
Chuck checked his watch. "It'll be starting in two minutes."
"Is that your two minute warning?"
"Hah." Chuck downed the rest of his water, then the pair stood to walk back to the living room.
"Chuck."
"Hmm?"
"I meant what I said before. Thanks for what you're doing for my brother."
"Well hey, I am like a second father to him."
"Aw, why couldn't I be like a second father to him?"
"Then who'd be his big brother?"
"Wait, if I'm his big brother & you're his second father, would that make you my second father?"
"No, but it would take too long to explain."
"Right. I'll leave it to the genius to figure out."
"Good."
"But seriously, I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to repay you."
"Now since when do we worry about who owes what to whom?"
"Never."
"So right. *thought* Hey, you really want to pay me back?"
"Sure."
"Be the best husband my sister could ever want."
"I was going to do that anyway. You got it. Or I should say she's got it."
"You would know."
It was a maudlin moment such as is guaranteed to bring a smile to the face, a tear to the eye, or both. Of course they climaxed it with a hug, and then they rejoined the others in the living room.
For the record, the team Dil & Chuck had finally settled on was the Texas Rangers. As he emerged from the kitchen in the company of his best friend, Chuck saw himself on tv, next to Dil Pickles. Also at the table were team owner Jenna Bush, team manager Mickey Kaline Jr., & general manager Bucky Majors.
"Pop's favorite player." Stu commented.
"Did I ever tell you about the time when I was a baby, & Bucky Majors caught me in his glove when I fell from the upper deck?" said Tom.
"It's true! I almost had a heart attack when I saw it live on tv." Didi confirmed.
"Y'know," Chuck whispered to the rest of the gang, "I wouldn't believe all these tales Tommy tells about the adventures he's been on if I hadn't been on so many of them with him." This drew nods all around.
"I heard that, Chuckster."
"Don't call me that!"
"Sounds like someone we know." Phil hinted to Lil & Susie. Then he started with the sillyness. "Ba-, Ba-, Ba-, Ba- Barbara Ann,"
Lil & Susie fell in, & next thing anyone knew there was a trio treatment of the Beach Boys classic in the living room.
"Someone want to fill the rest of us in on what's going on?" Kimi asked.
The answer came from the last person anyone would expect: Charlotte. "It's from Tiny Toon Adventures. My favorite character, Barbara Ann Bunny, prefers to be called Babs. Call her by her full name & if you're lucky she'll let you off with a 'Don't call me that!'" Everyone was stunned. "Oh, like I can't have a cartoon vice just because I'm in big business?"
"I remember Grandpa couldn't get enough of Plucky Duck." Tom remembered.
"You know who my favorite character was?" asked Susie.
"Elmyra?" Phil teased.
"Very funny. Mary Melody."
"I liked Fifi." Lil said.
"Me too." Phil agreed. People looked at him strangely (so what's new?). "What? She's hot! Do you have any idea of the following she has on the net?" The looks continued. "Um, would this be a good time to bring up 'Il'n'?"
"NO!!!" came a chorus.
"I was thinking that Susie could replace Dil, and--"
"SHHHH!!!"
"Oh, come on! We were sounding pretty good just now."
"Phil," Tom advised, "quit while you're behind."
As Phil grudgingly settled into his seat, everyone's attention was focused on the screen, where Dil Pickles 10 year $1,000,000,000 contract had just been announced. He had been praised as a superior pitcher, a phenom, & the last piece of the championship puzzle the team needed. Questions were now being taken.
(A/N: There might be some confusion regarding the reporters, but the reporters don't really matter so don't bother trying to keep them straight. Just remember there's a lot of them.)
*reporter: "So Dil, how are you liking Texas?"
*Pickles: It has everything, just like California. I feel right at home here."
*reporter: "So, Jenna, how'd you first get Pickles' attention?"
"They're on a first name basis with the owner?" Didi wondered.
"It's a Texas crowd; not formal at all." Chuck informed her.
*Bush: "I took him to a night club & bought him a drink. Would you believe, this time they checked for I.D. Him too."
*general laughter*
*Bush: "Actually, it was a matter of getting on his agent's good side."
*Finster: "Thanks for that."
*Pickles: "Well, it's true. He's known me since I was born, been like a second father to me."
*reporter: "How much of an age difference is there?"
*Finster: "Two years, why?"
*Majors: "I believe we can take another question here."
*reporter: "What exactly are the terms of the contract?"
*Finster: "Simplicity itself. Ten years, at a hundred million a year. Of course this doesn't count any money my client might make from commercial endorsements, et cetera."
*reporter: "What if he's injured?"
*Finster: "Naturally, the contract includes the standard injury clause. Should he be injured for 'x' number of years, he will not be paid for that amount of time. However, a proviso has been included that will allow the option of backloading time lost to injury. That means that any time lost to injury can be added to the ten years; my client's payment of course would be commensurate."
*Kaline: "But that's basically an insurance clause which hopefully will not be needed. I don't need to tell y'all we're looking forward to a long & successful association with Dil here."
*reporter: "There was a very attractive offer from the Grizzlies."
*Pickles: "Grizzlies? Do I look like a basketball player?"
"Actually, he was on the basketball team in high school." Tom commented to the others. "Made first team, remember?"
"Yeah, I do." Phil rubbed one of his arms with that particular memory. "He had control issues there too."
*Majors: "I take it y'all are expecting me to comment?"
*reporter: "If it wouldn't be too much trouble."
*Majors: "Well it's no secret that I put in a lot of years with the Grizzlies, & if I weren't employed here I would have tried to get him to sign with them, but I am & I didn't."
*reporter: "What about that offer from the Yankees?"
*Pickles: "*snort*, the Yankees. I'll have you know I grew up on stories about Steinbrenner, how he'd buy up all the talent in baseball & treat the world championship like it was his birthright. And the rest isn't any better; why they fly you out there & try to hand you the line that you're wearing the sacred pinstripes & playing on the same field where Ruth & Gehrig & Dimaggio & Mantle played & where Stengel & Martin managed, like they're doing you a big favor. It's a cult is what that is. Like it's God's own country & it beats creation! Why of all of the--"
But he couldn't say anything as Chuck had just covered his mouth.
"Charlie? Why do you have your hand on his mouth?" Didi asked.
"I didn't know what he was going to say & I didn't think I should take a chance on that."
*Finster: "Nevertheless, my client has enormous respect for the Yankees organization. It is and always has been a phenomenal organization, the accomplishments of which speak for themselves, & speak quite loudly."
"That's what's known as covering one's rear." Chuck commented. "There's no sense in burning any bridges. Who knows? Someday the Yankees might make him an offer he won't be able to refuse."
"Like making him the first trillion dollar man?" his sister theorized.
"Any other team, I'd say no. But we're talking about the Yankees here; they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want."
*Pickles: "Right, what my agent said. Anyway, we know that this is God's own country & beats creation."
*Finster: "I show him my copy of Beau Geste & that's what he gets out of it."
*general laughter*
*reporter: "Was the Rangers moving their training camp to Arizona a factor in your decision?"
*Pickles: "It didn't hurt. My brother told me about the time he saw the Graham Canyon..."
Heads turned to his brother.
"Graham Canyon?"
"Well, I was a baby at the time."
*Pickles: "...that's what he called it, but he was a baby at the time. But seriously, it's nothing against Florida; I have many fond memories of my time in the rookie leagues & I've made many friends along the way. But I do prefer the Cactus League to the Grapefruit League; it just happens to be closer to where I was born & raised."
*reporter: "If that was a factor, why didn't you take an offer from some California team?"
*Pickles: "I didn't want to play too close to home! You don't know my mother; she'd be visiting me every day."
The effect of that statement on Didi Pickles was predictable. Meanwhile, Chuck had his head in his hand, not unlike his former self on the screen.
"Mrs. P, honestly, I had no idea he was going to say anything like that. If I had..."
"It's alright, Charlie." she assured him. Under her breath, however, was a different story. "He covers Dil's mouth about the Yankees, but let him rip his mother and..."
*Pickles: "I said I was sorry, Chuck!"
*Finster: "Just don't let something like that happen again; you know we're both going to answer to your mother and--"
*Pickles: "Um, I think the mikes are still on."
*Finster: "*O.O*
"For obvious reasons, this was not my favorite part." Chuck commented.
"Why not?" his fiancee teased.
*Pickles: "You'll be wanting to fast-forward through this part."
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"
*Pickles: "Well, now that we have that out of the way the rest of this conference should be flawless."
*reporter: "What do you mean by that?"
*Pickles: "I mean that I have the best, the smartest, most vigilant agent there is."
"Did you pay him to say that?"
"No, he paid me. Ten percent, remember? With what I'd just gotten for him, can you blame him for being grateful?"
*Bush: "I can vouch for that. He's shown us how to structure our salaries so we can fulfill all our current contracts & still shell out the money for his client. He can expect a little extra from us above his agent's commission."
*Pickles: "You see, one time in college a scout told me that a brain could make me lethal. So I went out & got a brain; this is him, right here."
*reporter: "Who was that scout?"
*Pickles: "He's sitting right over there."
And so it went.
Yep, that's it, for now. I assure y'all, the next chapter will have them telling their parents. And the chapter after that will inform Angelica. Please review, y'all. Until next time, I'm Nftnat. I'm also Nftnat on IM. And my e-mail address is, surprise surprise, nftnat@aol.com Cy'all.
Thanks for the reviews. I admit the dialogue was a bit confusing. I've been reading some Rrs & HA! fics & saw terse dialogue where it was hard figuring out who was talking without repeated readings & I guess I must've picked it up. I don't really like playing 'he said she said' & I'm not the only one. ;) In alphabetical order, I'd like to thank Ally, Kimmy Larisa, Lil Kimi, Nightw2, & Starry Nights. Thank y'all.
Rugrats & all Rugrats characters & concepts are created, owned, & / or copyrighted by Klasky-Csupo & / or Nickelodeon, which in turn is owned by Viacom. The Wally Show, Timberly Johanssen & her brothers, the city of Hillwood & Mickey Kaline Jr. are created, owned & / or copyrighted by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which as I said is owned in turn by Viacom. A Family Thing was distributed by MGM, The Godfather by Paramount. The Houston Texans are copyright the National Football League. The Texas Rangers & the New York Yankees are copyright Major League Baseball. Barbara Ann was written by Fred Fassert & was released by Capitol Records on the album Beach Boys Party. Tiny Toon Adventures & all TTA characters are copyright Time-Warner / Amblin Entertainment. The Memphis Grizzlies are only obliquely referred to here & are not to be confused with the Grizzlies of the Baseball episode of Rugrats, even if such was my intention. Be that as it may, that team is still copyright the National Basketball Association. Beau Geste was written by Percival Christopher Wren & at least one version of it is copyright Regnery Publishing. And I'm starting to get sick of all of these disclaimers, but what can we do.
*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!*
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*CLICK*
"Hello, you have reached..."
"Fort DareDeville,"
"the residence of"
"Tom Pickles,"
"Kamikaze Kimi Watanabe-Finster,"
"C.C. 'Chuck' Finster III,"
"Phil & Lil Deville,"
"and Dr. Susie Carmichael."
"Most of us are here right now,"
"But we're unable to come to the phone"
"because we're sleeping off"
"the jet lag we got"
"on our last plane trip."
"Except for me, but I'm out of state right now."
"If you'd leave your name,"
"your number,"
"and / or a message,"
"we'll get back to you"
"as soon as we recover."
"You might want to wait until you hear a beep first."
*BEEP!*
"Hello, kids, it's Didi Pickles. Hello, Tommy. The get-together has been pushed back a day, because we think that Charlie should have a chance to recover from the jet lag he'll have when he gets back tomorrow; I hope none of you will be inconvenienced by that. The time & place are the same; our house at 6:00. See you then, bye kids!"
It was 5:45 on the day of the Pickles party. The four families --- Pickles, Finster, Deville, & Carmichael --- were gathered at Stu & Didi's house to celebrate the numerous recent accomplishments of their collective progeny, with a few exceptions.
Two of these exceptions were now at the studio where DareDevilles was filmed & the results of the shoots assembled into the episodes. The executive producer was emerging with a certain videotape and was at that moment getting into the shotgun position of a certain station wagon driven by a high ranking executive of one of the chief sponsors of the show.
"Please tell me that other tape is already here."
"I got it before we came here; it's in the glove compartment. You wanna get it out? We want both of them at the ready."
"Right. Um, we're running short on time; are you sure we won't be late?"
"We won't. Time to floor it, Finster!"
"Um, no, don't do that."
"Chuck, take your foot off the brake."
"Only if you promise not to speed."
"Alright, I promise not to speed."
"Good."
"Did anyone ever tell you you're just a bit edgy?"
"Only every day of my life."
"Not EVERY day."
"So I exaggerate. Can you blame me?"
"Yes. This constant gloom & doom of yours has a bad effect on you; you ever wonder why you occasionally get tagged 'Stinky'?"
"'Cause I got skunked that time?"
"So did our dads. No, I think your anxieties have a bad effect on your body. Which reminds me, here's your Pee-No."
"*snort*, bad name for it."
"Well, it works. Now wipe that frown off your face; we want to look our best for our families, especially with what we're going to spring on them."
"Yeah. Oh, I'm getting nervous again."
"Just chill out. Just flake out, totally relax your body & let your mind go. Try not to think of anything."
"I might go to sleep."
"If you do I'll wake you in plenty of time."
"Thanks, Tom."
"Don't thank me; there's only so many pills here."
"Very funny."
No further words were said as the two young men, destined to become brothers-in-law, drove on in silence.
When the wagon pulled into the Pickles driveway, they saw a dark figure in front of the house. A little later & it would have been hard to tell who it was. It was the last week before Daylight Savings went into effect, & the shadows of evening were starting to manifest themselves. However, there was still some light, & they recognized the figure in front of the house even before they emerged from the car.
Chuck was the first to speak. "Susie?"
"Hi, Chuckie. Hi, Tommy."
"Hi, Susie. Shouldn't you be inside with Phil & the others?"
"Yeah. I just needed some air."
"*sigh* What's the problem?" Tom asked.
"Well, Buster's in there."
"He actually found time between his football & soccer schedules?"
Chuck cut in. "Tommy, please. Is there a problem you have with your brother we don't know about?" he then asked Susie.
"Poor Phil; he's in deep enough already."
"Tommy?" Chuck warned.
"Sorry. Go on, Susie."
"Well, other than making noise about asking you to be his agent, Chuckie, I have no problem with him."
"I hope he doesn't expect me to do for him what I did for Dil. Once you hit your mid-30's--"
"I'm not worried about that. But he brought his new wife with him."
"And the problem is...?" Tom wondered.
"We just have a problem with the age difference."
"Susie, she's just a year younger than Dil."
"And Buster has seven years on me! Do you know what that means?"
"Um, lemme see, don't tell me, it's..."
"An eleven year age difference." Chuck interjected.
"Thanks, genius. I was about to say that."
"You snooze, you lose?"
"Not bad, Chuck. Just a little more assertive & I could actually believe you have a backbone."
"Sit across the negotiating table from me, then we'll talk."
"Guys?"
Tom returned his attention to its rightful place. "Sorry, Susie. But you do realize there's a couple years difference between you & Phil."
"Two years, not eleven!"
"Well, we'll let that go for now. Is there anything else?"
"Well, it doesn't help that she & Dad are in the same business."
"She's a writer for animation?"
"Not animation. It's that Wally show on Public Television."
"Eugh!" the boys chorused.
"Yeah. Let's just say family gatherings at the Carmichaels are just a bit tense these days."
No one said anything. Then a breeze manifested itself. Chuck pulled up the collar of his windbreaker.
"We'd better get inside." he commented.
Tom agreed. "Yeah. Don't worry about it, Susie. I'm sure that in time, you & the rest of your family will come to love Timberly."
"I hope you're right, Tommy."
"You're always the optimist, you know that, Tommy?" Chuck observed as they turned to the door.
"Yeah, you & I balance each other out, don't we?"
"Let's just get inside!" Chuck grumbled.
The trio entered the house, only to run right into Betty Deville.
"There you are! Hey, Deed, the last of the pups have entered the pen! Except the runt, of course."
"We're not exactly on the penned-up level anymore, Mrs. Deville." Tommy said.
"Ah, try telling a mom her pups are ready to leave the nest; it ain't gonna happen." And with that she'd disappeared into the crowd, doing who knows what.
"Boy is she formidable." Tommy commented.
"You're telling us?" came from Chuckie. "Why do you think Susie & I let you handle her?"
"Right," Susie agreed, "you're the only one of us who's not getting her for a mother-in-law."
That gave young Pickles pause. Then the shudders. "oooh! Betty Deville for a mother-in-law, no thanks! I'd prefer Kira Finster."
"She's a good mom, too." Kira's stepson deadpanned, drawing smiles from the others.
"Susie?" That was Dr. Lucy Carmichael. "Oh, thank goodness you're back! Could you please come over here & help us?"
"*sigh* Wish me luck, you guys."
"Good luck." wished the guys.
She had barely left their sight when the effects of Betty Deville's mouth made themselves known; namely, Didi Pickles, with both senior Finsters in tow.
"Well, welcome back, guy. We've been waiting for you two."
"Hello, Charlie."
"Hi Dad. Hi Mom."
"Tommy, were you outside without a jacket?"
"I didn't need it, Mom. It's in the 70's outside."
"Well, you never know when an evening chill might happen."
"She has a point there." Chuck didn't help. "The wind was picking up."
"Oh, thanks, friend."
"You're welcome."
"Tail kisser!"
"Apron-stringer!"
"Mirror-boy!"
"Guys?" Chaz interrupted. Taking advantage of the break to stop their insults, the boys went to their corners, so to speak. Tom returned his attention to his mother.
"Mom, where's Dad?"
"Well, I guess he's still in the basement?"
"Why do you two still work in that basement, anyway?" asked Chuck. "You have that r&d department at the factory downtown."
"We're used to coming up with things down there. It's where our creative energies are the strongest."
"What, did you get Master Bong to tell you that? Uh, no offense, Mom."
"None taken, Charlie."
"We didn't need to. Dad & I tried the labs, but it just wasn't the same. No, we can go about our business here thinking up inventions before we run it past our people. (And I can pick the bugs out of Dad's devices before then too)." he added the last part under his breath.
That got a laugh out of Chuck; fortunately for Tom, he was the only one to hear it.
"What was that, Tommy?"
"Nothing, Mom. Um, it would probably be a good idea for Dad to knock off about now. Chuckie & I got the entertainment for the evening." With that, the two young men each held up a videotape.
"The uncut version of Dil's press conference from yesterday?" inquired Chaz.
His son nodded. "Well, it's not really uncut because there are ladies present, but yeah. And the season finale of DareDevilles. Don't tell the others, though; we want for just our eight parents to be the first ones to see it."
"Wow! Well, I guess we'd better get Stu up here then."
And with that, the older adults set off for the basement. The younger adults, following in their wake, listened in on their conversation.
"My son, the executive producer."
"And super agent to the stars. They're not little kids anymore."
"They'll always be little kids to me. Honestly, Kira, do you see a grown woman when you look at Kimi?"
"Hmmm. You do raise a good point, Didi."
"Hey, Chaz!"
It was the senior Finster's old college buddy; of course, he had to respond.
"Um, I'll be right with you, Howard!" Then, "Um, Didi, how about you & the guys go on without us?"
"Alright, Charles."
Kira turned back to the boys. "Are you going?"
By then, Tom & Chuck had spotted the rest of the gang. "Well, we'd like to, Mrs. Finster, but..."
"...but we'd like to check in with my sister & the others."
Kira smiled. "I understand. See you around the house, then; I'm sure Didi can find the way by herself."
"I would hope so," Tom quipped, "she's only lived here for 25 years."
Kira nodded, then followed Chaz. "Koidi-do? Wait for me!"
"There's my guys!" came out of nowhere. As did the owner of that voice; with it, Kimi launched herself at Tommy.
"Excuse me?" came from Lil, who was performing a similar action on the other newcomer. "I believe Chuckie is--"
"My brother." Kimi finished, putting her brother in a headlock while maintaining her grip on Pickles. "I'm sure you think of Phil the same way?"
"Well..." Lil didn't answer, while looking at her twin. "Oh, Phiiiiil-liiiiiiip." Phil, nervous at seeing that familiar look in his sister's eyes, made a circuit just outside of the girls' reach, stopping behind the relative safety of the other guys.
And proceeded to put them through a different type of discomfort. "So, where's my Suze? What did you two do with Sue?"
"Disallowing for the moment your rhyming thing," Tom started.
"It wasn't us; it was the Carmichaels." Chuck finished. "She was on the porch when we got here; as soon as we came in her mother claimed her."
"Ah, it's a family thing."
"Um, Phil, you realize that movie had nothing to do with The Godfather, so there's no need for your cheezy Italian accent."
"Oh, I dunno, Tom, they both had Robert Duvall. And who better to do Duvall than Deville?"
"Is that my man's illogical logic I hear?"
"Suze!" And the third couple was now complete.
But Susie had not come alone; two others were with her, one of whom now made his presence known. "Hey what is this?"
Chuck fielded that one. "Well, 'this' is an indefinite pronoun which signifies something close at hand, as opposed to 'that' which signifies something other than in a certain place. The plural of it is 'these', and..."
Buster cut him off. "I mean, what's going on here?", glaring at the Phil & Susie couple as he did so.
Susie stood up to her brother. "What's going on is I'm showing affection for the man I love; you have a problem with that?"
Tom tried to perform some damage control. "Hi, Buster."
"Hello, college boy."
"Are you still on that?"
"Well, what would you expect? You didn't turn pro like you should've; I never got a chance to see how good the All-American really is, or should I say was."
"He's in the best shape of his life." Kimi didn't help.
"You don't say? Why don't you try out for a team, then? I've heard from some guys who played with Coach George that there's still a spot for you on the Texans, if you have the stuff. It'd be a treat; we defensive players are getting bored with Simms as quarterback."
"No thanks. I'm content as a sergeant of industry."
"I thought it was captain of industry." Chuck whispered.
"The company's not that big." Tom whispered back. "Besides," he continued, turning back to Buster, "you think I'd really want to go on the line with 'brain-Buster' Carmichael? No QB's safe from you!"
Then Susie horned in. "Hey Buster, you'd better not hurt any of my friends. Need I remind you I'm a doctor?"
"What's your point?"
"My point is, as a doctor I know where the nerves are." Susie strongly hinted. Even more strongly as she pinched a certain spot on her brother.
"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"
Lil took that moment to huddle. "Um, Chuckie, we need to talk."
The two of them stepped to the side. "What is it, Lil?"
"I need for the genius to figure something. How many people would you say are in danger so far?"
"Hmm, well, so far I count Phil, Tommy, Buster, & Susie."
"That's what I figured too. So for their sakes, as well as for those who might also get drawn in, someone needs to do something to stop this."
"Meaning me?"
"Please?"
"Alright." Chuck took a breath, then stepped toward Buster. "Pardon me, Buster Carmichael?"
Grips relaxed. "Yes?"
"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm C.C. 'Chuck' Finster III--"
"Agent to the stars? I've been wanting to meet with you."
"Like he hasn't known Chuckie since he was ten." Kimi muttered.
But now her brother was in his element. "Well, I hate talking shop while I'm trying to r&r, but what say we..." As Chuck led Buster to one side, his voice faded to the others.
Kimi was proud. "Bestest big brother in the world."
"Not counting me?" Tom asked.
"Oh, are you a big brother?"
"Hello." The gang now focused on the other newcomer. And I mean new; most of them had never met her before.
"Oh, where are my manners?" said Susie. "Everyone, I'd like for you to meet my sister-in-law, the former Timberly Johanssen."
"Hello"s & "Hi"s all around.
"Timberly, this is--"
"Oh, I know who they are. 'DareDevilles' is one of my favorite shows!"
"We get a lot of that." Phil commented.
At the same time, Tommy countered "that, and the Wally show."
"Of course." Timberly sheepishly said. "When I first met Buster, I had no idea that his father was Randy Carmichael of 'Dummi Bears' fame."
Why did she say that? It's doubtful that even she knew. An uncomfortable silenced ensued, broken by Lil. "So, Timberly, where are you from?"
"Ever hear of Hillwood, Washington?"
That provoked a chorus of "no"s, the lone dissenter of which was Tom. "Sure."
Heads turned. "Really?"
"Sure. That place turned out some of the stars of those Washington colleges that gave us such a big problem with winning the conference. Hillwood, Washington? Of course. The home of the jumpin', jivin', jammin' Johanssen brothers..." he trailed off, making the connection.
Which Timberly confirmed. "...and the Johanssen sister. I'm the cute one." she quipped.
That was Phil's cue. "Now where did I put my drum kit."
"Mom probably took the axe to it, Phillip!"
Tom went into diplomat mode. "Timberly, something tells me you're going to fit in just fine around here."
Timberly brightened. "Really?"
"Yeah," Kimi interrupted, "and if not, your family back home will never know what happened to you; once you join our little group you never get out."
"What about Samantha?" Lil asked.
"She's still in; she's just elsewhere at the moment."
"Right."
"Way to make her feel better, Kimi." Tom muttered, before trying once again. "No, really, we take some getting used to but that passes & you find yourself with a whole bunch of friends. It just happens that my brother Dil is just a year older than you."
"The billion dollar baby?"
"That's what they're calling him. Hopefully not to his face."
"My brother got him that contract." Kimi boasted.
"Speaking of," Tom said, noticing Chuck & Buster returning to their midst.
"...so you see it's far more simple than the old 'have your people call my people' cliche; you want me working for you so we sign a paper or two & there it is."
"Makes sense."
"Sounds like the 'super agent to the stars' has struck again." Lil commented.
"So what's the good word, 'C.C.'?" Phil asked.
"Well, I'd like for you people to meet my newest client."
"Yeah, now you can get them to show me the money!"
Silence.
Broken by Chuck. "Um, Buster, before we go any farther, you need to know that that old line is so obsolete. It's gone the way of 'Dyno-mite!'."
"I've been telling him that for so long." said Susie.
"No offense, baby sister, but I just had to hear it from someone in the business."
Timberly was giggling for some reason. "What?" Buster asked.
"Well, when you said 'baby sister'..."
"Oh yeah, you told me about someone upstate who doesn't like that term. Don't worry; I only use it on Suze." Buster responded.
Susie bristled at that. "Oh, Timberly, next time we're both at Mom & Dad's, remind me to show you some of Buster's baby pictures."
That caused Buster to break into a sweat. "Um, where's my agent?"
Chuck was on the job. "Don't worry; I'm sure I can work something out with Susie. Although I imagine a good start would be not calling her 'Suze'."
"Is it always like this?" asked Timberly.
"No, but it'll pick up in a bit." said Phil.
"Like I said, you'll get used to it." Tom said to Timberly.
"And they'll get used to me? Even my new in-laws?"
"Hey, they got used to his dad; you'll be easy." said Phil.
"What's that supposed to mean, Deville?"
"Only that Stu Pickles is the biggest & oldest Dummi Bears fanboy on the planet."
"The point is," Tom said, turning his attention away from Phil, "the Carmichaels will come around."
"I hope so. Since I knew to read the credits on tv shows Randy Carmichael has been one of my heroes. I didn't expect to become his daughter-in-law, & I certainly don't want to be on his bad side."
Unbeknownst to the group, the current topic of conversation was now behind the representatives of his family. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything..."
That provoked a variety of responses, including "Dad!" & "Daddy!"
"...but some of the others have been wondering when we'll be seeing those videotapes I hear you've brought."
Tom again defused the situation. "We're on it, Mr. Carmichael. Right, Chuck?"
"Right. Spread the word; the show's about to start."
Minutes later, everyone had gathered in the living room, vying for any available spot in view of the Pickles tv.
"What a shame that Dil couldn't be here." said Didi.
"He's still packing for his trip; he'll be here tomorrow, he's assured me." said Chuck.
"You know Angelica wanted to be here." said Charlotte, next to Drew. "She just couldn't get out of her schedule in Paris. She & Timmy send their love."
That brought a frown to Chuck's face; Lil noticed & squeezed his hand.
"Chuckeroo? It's your show." Tom prompted.
"Right." Chuck approached the tv, videotape in hand.
Before he inserted the tape, he turned to face the others. "For the record, I need to say before we start that since this covers something at which I was one of the principles, I could just as easily tell you what you want to know as play this for you."
"Just stick it in, Chuckie." came from his fiancee.
"Keeping in practice, Lillian?"
"Don't be disgusting, Phillip!"
"Phil, not being disgusting?" Tom faked incredulity. "Besides, you still go for the bugs & mud & worms as much as he does."
"There's mud, & then there's dirt."
By now they were getting shushes from all sides, so Tom indicated that Chuck should start the show, which he did.
The tape went in. PLAY was pushed. Fade in to a long table with a number of chairs on the far side. It was, basically, a typical sports press conference.
"Um, the reason you're not seeing anything happening just yet is that it's taking a while for them to get situated. You can see that we're--"
"SHHH!"
"I'm just saying that there won't be anything worth seeing or hearing for a few minutes, so if anyone wants me to hit CUE--"
"Hey, do you mind? We're trying to hear this."
"But there's nothing worth hearing! There won't be for a while!"
"Quiet, please."
"Look, I was there, I know what's going to happen, what you're going to see & hear!"
"Chuckie, shut up!"
"Please, guy?"
"If you don't mind, Charlie."
Even his parents; that capped it. Chuck slumped down & kept quiet for the next few minutes, minutes he knew would pass without incident on the screen.
Finally, "Anyone mind if I go get a glass of water?"
No response, which he took as a 'yes'. So he hit the kitchen.
Glass in hand, other hand on faucet, water pouring into the glass. He took a sip, then turned around, leaning on the sink. He was not happy right now, and for no good reason.
Eyes closed, he knocked back half the glass. He held the water in his mouth, allowing it to slowly succumb to small swallows. As soon as his mouth cleared, he sighed. "I don't know why I even try."
At that moment he felt the comfort of a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes & looked up, into the smiling, concerned face of his lifelong friend; Tom had apparently followed him from the living room.
"You try because you're our friend, & because you care." That brought a smile to Chuck; Tom went for more. "I know we don't tell you often enough, but we do appreciate what you do."
As unhappy as Chuck was a minute before, that was how happy he was now. "Thanks, Tom."
"If anyone deserves thanks, it's you." said Tom as he settled into a place on the sink ledge side by side with his best friend.
Chuck checked his watch. "It'll be starting in two minutes."
"Is that your two minute warning?"
"Hah." Chuck downed the rest of his water, then the pair stood to walk back to the living room.
"Chuck."
"Hmm?"
"I meant what I said before. Thanks for what you're doing for my brother."
"Well hey, I am like a second father to him."
"Aw, why couldn't I be like a second father to him?"
"Then who'd be his big brother?"
"Wait, if I'm his big brother & you're his second father, would that make you my second father?"
"No, but it would take too long to explain."
"Right. I'll leave it to the genius to figure out."
"Good."
"But seriously, I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to repay you."
"Now since when do we worry about who owes what to whom?"
"Never."
"So right. *thought* Hey, you really want to pay me back?"
"Sure."
"Be the best husband my sister could ever want."
"I was going to do that anyway. You got it. Or I should say she's got it."
"You would know."
It was a maudlin moment such as is guaranteed to bring a smile to the face, a tear to the eye, or both. Of course they climaxed it with a hug, and then they rejoined the others in the living room.
For the record, the team Dil & Chuck had finally settled on was the Texas Rangers. As he emerged from the kitchen in the company of his best friend, Chuck saw himself on tv, next to Dil Pickles. Also at the table were team owner Jenna Bush, team manager Mickey Kaline Jr., & general manager Bucky Majors.
"Pop's favorite player." Stu commented.
"Did I ever tell you about the time when I was a baby, & Bucky Majors caught me in his glove when I fell from the upper deck?" said Tom.
"It's true! I almost had a heart attack when I saw it live on tv." Didi confirmed.
"Y'know," Chuck whispered to the rest of the gang, "I wouldn't believe all these tales Tommy tells about the adventures he's been on if I hadn't been on so many of them with him." This drew nods all around.
"I heard that, Chuckster."
"Don't call me that!"
"Sounds like someone we know." Phil hinted to Lil & Susie. Then he started with the sillyness. "Ba-, Ba-, Ba-, Ba- Barbara Ann,"
Lil & Susie fell in, & next thing anyone knew there was a trio treatment of the Beach Boys classic in the living room.
"Someone want to fill the rest of us in on what's going on?" Kimi asked.
The answer came from the last person anyone would expect: Charlotte. "It's from Tiny Toon Adventures. My favorite character, Barbara Ann Bunny, prefers to be called Babs. Call her by her full name & if you're lucky she'll let you off with a 'Don't call me that!'" Everyone was stunned. "Oh, like I can't have a cartoon vice just because I'm in big business?"
"I remember Grandpa couldn't get enough of Plucky Duck." Tom remembered.
"You know who my favorite character was?" asked Susie.
"Elmyra?" Phil teased.
"Very funny. Mary Melody."
"I liked Fifi." Lil said.
"Me too." Phil agreed. People looked at him strangely (so what's new?). "What? She's hot! Do you have any idea of the following she has on the net?" The looks continued. "Um, would this be a good time to bring up 'Il'n'?"
"NO!!!" came a chorus.
"I was thinking that Susie could replace Dil, and--"
"SHHHH!!!"
"Oh, come on! We were sounding pretty good just now."
"Phil," Tom advised, "quit while you're behind."
As Phil grudgingly settled into his seat, everyone's attention was focused on the screen, where Dil Pickles 10 year $1,000,000,000 contract had just been announced. He had been praised as a superior pitcher, a phenom, & the last piece of the championship puzzle the team needed. Questions were now being taken.
(A/N: There might be some confusion regarding the reporters, but the reporters don't really matter so don't bother trying to keep them straight. Just remember there's a lot of them.)
*reporter: "So Dil, how are you liking Texas?"
*Pickles: It has everything, just like California. I feel right at home here."
*reporter: "So, Jenna, how'd you first get Pickles' attention?"
"They're on a first name basis with the owner?" Didi wondered.
"It's a Texas crowd; not formal at all." Chuck informed her.
*Bush: "I took him to a night club & bought him a drink. Would you believe, this time they checked for I.D. Him too."
*general laughter*
*Bush: "Actually, it was a matter of getting on his agent's good side."
*Finster: "Thanks for that."
*Pickles: "Well, it's true. He's known me since I was born, been like a second father to me."
*reporter: "How much of an age difference is there?"
*Finster: "Two years, why?"
*Majors: "I believe we can take another question here."
*reporter: "What exactly are the terms of the contract?"
*Finster: "Simplicity itself. Ten years, at a hundred million a year. Of course this doesn't count any money my client might make from commercial endorsements, et cetera."
*reporter: "What if he's injured?"
*Finster: "Naturally, the contract includes the standard injury clause. Should he be injured for 'x' number of years, he will not be paid for that amount of time. However, a proviso has been included that will allow the option of backloading time lost to injury. That means that any time lost to injury can be added to the ten years; my client's payment of course would be commensurate."
*Kaline: "But that's basically an insurance clause which hopefully will not be needed. I don't need to tell y'all we're looking forward to a long & successful association with Dil here."
*reporter: "There was a very attractive offer from the Grizzlies."
*Pickles: "Grizzlies? Do I look like a basketball player?"
"Actually, he was on the basketball team in high school." Tom commented to the others. "Made first team, remember?"
"Yeah, I do." Phil rubbed one of his arms with that particular memory. "He had control issues there too."
*Majors: "I take it y'all are expecting me to comment?"
*reporter: "If it wouldn't be too much trouble."
*Majors: "Well it's no secret that I put in a lot of years with the Grizzlies, & if I weren't employed here I would have tried to get him to sign with them, but I am & I didn't."
*reporter: "What about that offer from the Yankees?"
*Pickles: "*snort*, the Yankees. I'll have you know I grew up on stories about Steinbrenner, how he'd buy up all the talent in baseball & treat the world championship like it was his birthright. And the rest isn't any better; why they fly you out there & try to hand you the line that you're wearing the sacred pinstripes & playing on the same field where Ruth & Gehrig & Dimaggio & Mantle played & where Stengel & Martin managed, like they're doing you a big favor. It's a cult is what that is. Like it's God's own country & it beats creation! Why of all of the--"
But he couldn't say anything as Chuck had just covered his mouth.
"Charlie? Why do you have your hand on his mouth?" Didi asked.
"I didn't know what he was going to say & I didn't think I should take a chance on that."
*Finster: "Nevertheless, my client has enormous respect for the Yankees organization. It is and always has been a phenomenal organization, the accomplishments of which speak for themselves, & speak quite loudly."
"That's what's known as covering one's rear." Chuck commented. "There's no sense in burning any bridges. Who knows? Someday the Yankees might make him an offer he won't be able to refuse."
"Like making him the first trillion dollar man?" his sister theorized.
"Any other team, I'd say no. But we're talking about the Yankees here; they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want."
*Pickles: "Right, what my agent said. Anyway, we know that this is God's own country & beats creation."
*Finster: "I show him my copy of Beau Geste & that's what he gets out of it."
*general laughter*
*reporter: "Was the Rangers moving their training camp to Arizona a factor in your decision?"
*Pickles: "It didn't hurt. My brother told me about the time he saw the Graham Canyon..."
Heads turned to his brother.
"Graham Canyon?"
"Well, I was a baby at the time."
*Pickles: "...that's what he called it, but he was a baby at the time. But seriously, it's nothing against Florida; I have many fond memories of my time in the rookie leagues & I've made many friends along the way. But I do prefer the Cactus League to the Grapefruit League; it just happens to be closer to where I was born & raised."
*reporter: "If that was a factor, why didn't you take an offer from some California team?"
*Pickles: "I didn't want to play too close to home! You don't know my mother; she'd be visiting me every day."
The effect of that statement on Didi Pickles was predictable. Meanwhile, Chuck had his head in his hand, not unlike his former self on the screen.
"Mrs. P, honestly, I had no idea he was going to say anything like that. If I had..."
"It's alright, Charlie." she assured him. Under her breath, however, was a different story. "He covers Dil's mouth about the Yankees, but let him rip his mother and..."
*Pickles: "I said I was sorry, Chuck!"
*Finster: "Just don't let something like that happen again; you know we're both going to answer to your mother and--"
*Pickles: "Um, I think the mikes are still on."
*Finster: "*O.O*
"For obvious reasons, this was not my favorite part." Chuck commented.
"Why not?" his fiancee teased.
*Pickles: "You'll be wanting to fast-forward through this part."
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"
*Pickles: "Well, now that we have that out of the way the rest of this conference should be flawless."
*reporter: "What do you mean by that?"
*Pickles: "I mean that I have the best, the smartest, most vigilant agent there is."
"Did you pay him to say that?"
"No, he paid me. Ten percent, remember? With what I'd just gotten for him, can you blame him for being grateful?"
*Bush: "I can vouch for that. He's shown us how to structure our salaries so we can fulfill all our current contracts & still shell out the money for his client. He can expect a little extra from us above his agent's commission."
*Pickles: "You see, one time in college a scout told me that a brain could make me lethal. So I went out & got a brain; this is him, right here."
*reporter: "Who was that scout?"
*Pickles: "He's sitting right over there."
And so it went.
Yep, that's it, for now. I assure y'all, the next chapter will have them telling their parents. And the chapter after that will inform Angelica. Please review, y'all. Until next time, I'm Nftnat. I'm also Nftnat on IM. And my e-mail address is, surprise surprise, nftnat@aol.com Cy'all.