Folks, after more than a month, I've finally posted another chapter of this story; it seems that I no longer have the time to update as frequently as I would like, but rest assured that I WILL continue to update. I have too much in mind that is yet to happen.
Lil Kimi, thanks. I'm glad I'm back too, finally. I seem to take too long to put these things up anymore; sorry about that. And I too look for things to pick up now that Angelica & Timmy have finally joined the group; Angelica has this personality that will not be denied, ever notice that? What am I saying, of course you have, haven't you.
And thank you, PJS. I'm glad you think it's good, and you're right in that there should've been more in the details department; hopefully I'll improve in that area. As to the 'real soon' thing? Well, I'll do what I can, which obviously isn't enough but what can I do.
Um, thanks, informer, or dylan (?) always glad to get a review. Hmm, there's a Dylan I know from the Road Rovers fanhood, wonder if that's who you are. Oh well, like I said glad to get the review & hope you continue to do so.
Thank you, Starry Nights. Glad to hear that you missed me, although in the words of Kosh from Babylon Five, I have always been here. "fantastic as usual"? Fantastic of you to say so.
Kimmy Larisa, thanks. Considering how long it takes me to post these things, I should be the last to take offense at someone not reviewing in a timely fashion; don't worry about it. Oh, and about Dil? You never know, he could be just on the other side of any sentence. Read on.
Also, I'd like to thank those of you who've been reviewing my other Rugrats fic, I Miss You a Little. I am currently working on the next chapter for that one too.
Rugrats & all Rugrats concepts are created, owned, and / or copyrighted Klasky-Csupo and / or Nickelodeon, a unit of Viacom.
Peavey the druggist, a character from the Great Gildersleeve radio program, is copyrighted to whatever entity currently holds the rights to that program.
"If You're Going to Play In Texas" was recorded by Alabama on their Live album, RCA 1988.
Michael Buffer, the Beatles, Ed Sullivan, Bob Dylan, the Lovin' Spoonful, the Mamas & the Papas, and Phil Spector are copyright themselves & whatever entities hold the rights to those groups and / or individuals.
References to the McMahon family are fair game, although it wouldn't surprise me if ol' Vinny Mac has copyrighted such to Titan Entertainment & the WWE.
Cinderella is public domain, I think, although with the litigating bent of D*sn*y lawyers you can't be too careful.
DareDevilles was originated by me; I came up with it all by myself.
Those who were about to join the group, the married couple, split once they left the car. Timmy headed for the front door while Angelica broke for the back yard.
The group broke toward the interior of the yard, both to give her room and to not tip her off that they had been watching.
Unsurprisingly, Angelica felt the need to make an entrance, complete with an announcement thereof. If she had only known that Kimi would be ready for her... it probably wouldn't have made any difference.
"Here I am, all you lucky peo-"
"ANGELICA!!"
*WHOMP!* Another display of acrobatics; the diminutive medallist was now on top of the blonde.
"Umph! Kimi! So help me, if you're not out of reach by the time I'm up I swear I'm going to make my cousin a pre-widower."
"Oh? Say, while you're at it could you make me one too? I hear they're really eas-"
"AUARGHH!" Angelica flailed, but by the time she was up Kimi was indeed safely out of reach. Especially with the others --- other than Chuck of course, who hung back --- now crowding around Angelica.
"So, cousin, why's your husband taking the scenic route?"
"You know Timmy; he wants to go through the channels. When he visits he'll check in with the proprietors of the place, pay his respects. Unlike some people." she added, correctly figuring the group had long since abandoned such niceties.
Susie defended herself. "Hey, I checked in with both senior Pickles. While I was inside getting Tom." she sheepishly admitted.
"Mm-hmm."
"Oh, shut up."
Then Angelica turned her attention to Chuck, and the tensest part of the visit so far.
"Hey Finster, what're you doing back there? Come on over & join us!"
"Why, are you falling apart?" Phil just had to put in, to which Susie reacted in the usual way.
Meanwhile, Chuck fumbled for an answer, finally coming up with, "Um, no thanks, I, I, I'm looking out for my sister back here."
"Isn't that supposed to be my cousin's job now?"
"Not yet, it isn't."
"My brother is so chivalrous; I keep telling him I can take care of myself but..."
The tension would have mounted from that point had Lil not changed the subject. "Ang, Timmy will be joining us shortly, right?" Before her twin could react she did. "Not one word, Phillip!"
"Aw, nuts!" came from him, and from his fiancee.
To Angelica's unspoken question, Susie explained. "We have this understanding: when he says something silly or stupid I shut him up any way I choose."
"Wow, in that case he might never come up--"
"It's been done." Chuck intoned.
Angelica looked askance at him before deciding to let it go. "O-o-o-okkay. To answer your question, Lil, of course he'll be here; we never go anywhere separately."
"Poor Timmy." Chuck commented.
"Mmm, well, now, I wouldn't say that." came from the doorway of the house.
At that, Angelica's face lightened at least five shades. The group as one turned to see, leaning on the doorway, arms crossed, mile-wide grin on his face...
"TIMMY!!!"
Phil was among those exulting. "All right; our guru has returned!"
"It ain't Peavey the druggist." Timmy shot back, a ref only Phil would get.
He then stepped out of the doorway, into a group hug from the, well, from the group. Silently, he took it all in.
When they finally gave him some breathing room, he spoke again.
"Nice to see all of you again too. Evening, Suze." he added.
"Hello, Timmy." Susie's smile was tinged with a slight hint of melancholia as she nodded, a silent acknowledgment of what the two of them had once thought they had.
Angelica frowned at that, but she kept it inside. Phil took it better, letting it slide. Well, almost.
"Hey, I thought I was the only one who could call you that."
"Phil." Susie pleaded.
Then he remembered. "Oh yeah. Sorry." He mouthed the last word indicating he was dropping the matter before he picked it up.
And Kimi noticed something about the two newest additions. "Is it just me or do they look a bit wiped?" She asked to anyone.
The one who answered was her brother. "Kimi! After several hours on a plane from about halfway around the world, what do you expect? Of course they'd be a bit out of it what with jet lag and all. As much as we've been travelling around the world we can relate."
"Rough trip?" Lil asked sympathetically.
"I wouldn't say that 'rough' was the word for it." Timmy reluctantly admitted while trading guilty secretive smiles with his wife.
And another was added to the list of topics best left alone, by universal mutual silent consent.
But now Kimi was at it again. "So did you bring us anything?"
More than one face slap was performed in response.
"What is it with you and gifts?" Chuck moaned.
"Chuckie's right; why should we give you guys anything? We're not your parents." Angelica started, before her husband interrupted her by clearing his throat.
"Actually, we did find something you might like at the airport; we figured we couldn't pass it up."
"Oh yeah. A little something we had in the back seat. Timmy brought it through the house with him, and if we can pry it away from Aunt Didi..."
That was all that they needed to put the pieces in place. In addition to which, Tom --- who just happened to have the best view of what was going on in the kitchen --- glimpsed the 'present'. At that time, Tom Pickles changed into Michael Buffer.
"Lllllllladies & gentlemen, boys & girls, children of all ages from one to a thousand one, if you will direct your attention to the back door of the residence of Stuart & Deidre Pickles, may I introduce to you, in this corner, weighing in at 198 lbs., the pitcher for the next generation and the generations beyond, the phenomenon of the 21st century, your friend and my brother, give it up for DYLAN! PRESCOTT!! PICKLES!!!"
Long before Tom had finished his spiel, the others had gotten into character. While Phil hung back, Timmy stayed next to the door where he took the stance of a bodyguard, and Chuck headed for the other side of the door to essay himself, C.C. "Chuck" Finster III, super agent to the stars. Meanwhile, Tom continued to brandish his nonexistent microphone, and the ladies, well, who knew what they were doing. The only one unaffected was Angelica, who didn't think much of the whole thing.
She thought even less of it when Kimi & Lil & Susie started screaming like crazed fangirls at the advent of the Billion Dollar Baby (just don't call him that).
"Oh, for-- would you stop it already? Don't you realize how far back you're setting the women's movement? Especially you, Lil; what would your mother the feminist say if she saw you getting all gushy like that? And with her next door there's no reason she wouldn't be watching."
Lil offered a Bronx cheer in response.
"Oh, very mature."
But by now Dil had finally made his appearance and had joined the gathering.
"Hello, sports fans!"
"Already he's working on his broadcasting career." Someone was heard to mumble.
And now, after an impromptu wave, Tom & the girls sans Angelica had formed a makeshift press corps shouting out one question after another to 'Mr. Pickles'.
Chuck stepped in front of his richest client to do what he does best. "Ladies & gentleman, members of the press, my client has a short statement which he would like for me to read, after which he will take questions, but for no longer than five minutes. He's a busy man who has many things going today he needs to take care of. So, if..."
"Ah, he's a bum!"
Heads turned to find Phil heckling Dil over at the table; apparently, that was his role in the charade, self-assigned or otherwise.
"You heard me, Pickles, you're a bum!"
Dil feigned outrage. "Who let that heckler in here? Security!"
Timmy was on it; he closed in on Phil within two seconds. The ensuing struggle was quite realistic, though not real.
As it progressed, Kimi got another idea, which is always playing with fire.
"Say, that looks like fun!"
A similar gleam appeared in Lil's eye. "So what are we waiting for?"
Tom was already ahead of them, trying to be first in line to join in. It snowballed from there as everyone wanted to get involved, except Angelica.
And Chuck. "Um, guys? Maybe this isn't such a good ideaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
But he was overruled, not to mention overwhelmed --- physically and otherwise --- as his sister & his fiancee picked him up & carried him with them.
The knot moved toward Phil & Timmy with surprising speed; in no time those two were swallowed up in the former. Everyone but Angelica was roughhousing now.
Suddenly the frightful cry rang out, "Dog pile on Dil!"
"No! My hands! Help!"
In times to come, they would agree that Chuck definitely earned his pay that day, as he absorbed the brunt of the punishment which would have been dished out on the budding superstar.
As soon as Chuck could talk, he let loose with a shout that would've done credit to Joe Besser. "Don't ever dooooooooooo that! One injury, and there goes his career!"
Angelica had had enough; she approached the pile intent upon chewing out one & all, with one possible exception. "If everyone's finished making fools out of themselves," she started.
"DOG PILE ON ANGELICA!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
But it was in vain; they showed no mercy on her.
Five minutes later, on the ground underneath a mass of humanity, Angelica rested her head on one hand, drumming the fingers of the other on the ground. "This just isn't my day."
On the other end of the pile, Dil was in heaven. He was king of the hill, in more ways than one. "Ah, it's good to be home." Then he reached toward those under him. "I missed all of you so much!"
Slowly, the pile unfolded. Those who were at home around the table started to take their seats.
Angelica didn't like that. "Hey, where's my seat?"
"Sorry, Angelica." Phil started.
"We only have so many." Lil finished.
"Haven't you ever heard of 'ladies first'?"
"Sure, but what does that have to do with you?" Chuck flung yet another barb at her.
"Besides," his sister put in, "weren't you the one talking to us about setting back the women's movement?"
"Equal rights would necessarily imply equal wrongs, cousin." was Tom's contribution.
Angelica sputtered. "You people are impossible!"
"I disagree." Dil spoke up. "They're great." He turned to the group around the table. "I love all of y'all, even Deville."
"'Y'all'?" Kimi wondered before Phil could speak.
Her brother explained. "If you're going to play in Texas you need to know the language."
Which set Phil's mind off on a tangent, what else is new? "I thought it was 'If you're going to play in Texas you gotta have a fiddle in the band'."
Blank looks all around.
Phil was now very sheepish. "Never mind." he said in a very small voice.
Tom took the subject on another detour. "Speaking of Texas, how did you find it, Dil?"
"It was just the other side of New Mexico."
Phil supplied the rimshot as the others groaned.
"But seriously, it's a very nice place. Oh, Uncle Mackie & Aunt Edie send their regards."
"And Emmit?"
"No, they couldn't send him; 'Big Tex' is out on tour. You know how the pro wrestling business is, constant touring, go go go 24-7 basically. One day Lubbock, the next day Little Rock, the next day Louisville, yadda yadda yadda."
"You think that feud with Thanatos will ever end?" Phil asked.
That interested Dil. "Oh, you've been keeping up."
"Try to stop him." Kimi rolled her eyes. "If how he was years ago is any indication he's quite the fan, and that was before he knew your cousin was in the business."
"It's classic theater," Phil defended.
Someone snorted. "Oh, puh-leeze!"
"The pomp, the pageantry, and those story lines are kicking a-- these days. That feud between Big Tex & Thanatos alone, it's gone on for over a year & it's all been gold." "He really believes all this." his twin wailed.
"Now that the McMahon estate has been settled, the antitrust suit is over with & there's some real competition for the first time since the '90's; things are finally worth watching & really getting involved again. Just in time for someone's cousin to make a run for the title belt."
Chuck mused. "He's always wanted to put on the tights himself."
"Please, don't remind me." His sister moaned.
Susie corrected. "'Us', you mean. I thought for certain that those ideas would've been knocked out of him after what happened to him in high school, but..."
"What are you talking about?" Tom asked, being clueless of the events to which they were referring.
Phil thought fast, which was admittedly out of character for him. "Um, they thought any sort of athletically-oriented activity would have been pounded out of me after being on teams with 'Dil the Drill'."
Dil heard that. "I'll ignore that, Deville, because there's something more important I have to discuss with you guys. What's this I hear about all of you selling out?"
The others didn't know what he meant.
"What're you talking about?"
"There's no selling out going on over here."
"Are you talking about the show?"
"You sure you didn't catch one of your own fastballs, in the head?"
"DIL!" Tom practically screamed his response, a bit uneasy at such a topic of conversation so close to the local rep for MergeCorp, even if she was his cousin. Pickles Toys was an independent concern, and he preferred that it remain that way for the foreseeable future.
Fortunately, Angelica didn't pick up on it; she seemed as clueless as anyone else. "Make sense, cousin, as if that's possible."
"Very funny. I'm talking about three engagements."
"Oh"'s all around.
Susie asked Timmy, "Let me guess, you guys told him at the airport?"
"We didn't have to; he got the word from his mother on the plane. Gotta love those cell phones. Not to mention PDAs, e-mail, the internet--"
"I get it already."
And Dil's rant continued.
"The term for an engaged person is a Benedict, which just happens to be the first name of the most infamous traitor in history. Coincidence? I don't think so."
"You need to stop reading those tabloids, Dil; they'll rot your mind." Chuck counselled. "And that's Benedick, not Benedict."
"Huh?" Dil then shook his head. "And you, you'd think you could have told me something; it's not like you didn't have the chance just a couple days ago!"
Lil was in a similar mood as Chuck toward the young man for whom the two of them had always been like an extra set of parents. For the moment. "Dil, what's the big deal about all of us getting married?"
"How can all of you do this to me? It's like I'm losing all of my friends in one fell swoop! I'll be the only one left!"
"It happens to just about everyone at this time of life, bro; it'll happen to you soon enough." Tom put in.
"NEVER!"
"Never say 'never'."
And again, Chuck took on a paternal role. "Dil, there's no need for you to shout, especially to your brother."
"Hey, wait a minute!"
Heads turned toward the source of that latest sentence, Phil.
"What is it, Phil?" his future brother-in-law asked.
"I have a question for you, Dil."
"What?" Dil asked.
"What did you mean you love all of us, 'even Deville'?"
The prolonged silence ripened into sighs as they realized that...
"It took him five minutes to get back to that."
"I've been trying to figure out if this delayed reaction schtick of his is just a gimmick." Lil mused.
"I'll let you know." Susie confided.
Phil continued. "Should we get the vibe that you have something against me?"
Dil was dumbfounded. "You're kidding."
"No."
"Where should I start, back when you dropped me on my head--"
"We only did that once." Lil put in.
"--or shall we go back to right after I was born?"
Now it was Phil's turn. "Oh, come on! You can not still be holding that against us!"
"You two never did like me."
And now Lil's. "How can you say that? You've been like the son I haven't had yet. I've been like a mother to you!"
"More like the stepmother from Cinderella."
"Hey! Watch it with the 'step' cracks." Kimi warned.
"Step on a crack, break your mother's back?" Phil philosophized, to no one's reaction.
But now Chuck weighed in. "Kimi, you know there's nothing 'step' about our family; don't take it personally." Then he turned his attention to Dil. In his best '50's tv dad voice. "Dillon, that's no way to behave."
Dil was immediately contrite. "Yes sir." This was one person for whom he had enormous respect; Chuck had indeed been like a brother and a father to him, even though he was already well supplied in both areas.
And a calm settled over the table & yard. It wouldn't last long, but there it was.
About this time, Timmy felt his wife's eyes boring a hole in him. He turned to face her glare.
"What?"
"You, encouraging them."
"Well, babe, even we rich heirs can be bought." defended Timmy.
"Or awed", put in Lil. "It's not every day we get a celebrity in here."
"You're ALL celebrities!!" Angelica exploded. "Thanks to that show of yours!"
"Yeah!" confirmed Timmy. "DareDevilles is on wherever we go in North America."
"And soon you won't be able to get away from it no matter where you go in the world, now that we have those overseas contracts." Chuckie informed the McNultys.
"Oh, no!" groaned Angelica. "It's bad enough now. Everywhere I go in the US & Canada, as soon as they know I'm a Pickles they want to know if I'm related to 'Tom Pickles of Pickles Toys', then they ask me all these questions about all of you."
"Ah, our public!" exulted Lil.
"It's stupid, your whole show is stupid! For crying out loud, it's the 2010's! Doesn't anyone realize how dated reality TV & adventure shows are by now?"
"Yes, we do." said Kimi. "So we mix it up, jazz it up, tweak it, come up with combinations not thought of before. And the people love it, as you yourself have confirmed, Angelica."
"It's the American way to take what's old & make it new & exciting." informed Phil. "It's just like what happened with folk music back in the '60's."
Blank looks all around, again.
"You know," he continued. "Folk was big in the early '60's, really big, in fact it was feared folk would replace rock & roll. Then those guys from Liverpool went on Mr. Sullivan's show & bam! Two words: British Invasion. So what happens to folk? Dylan plugs in, the Spoonful find new uses for the jug & autoharp, & the Mamas & the Papas borrow from Phil Spector."
The blank looks continue at Phil's knowledge of music history. Some faces turn toward Susie for an explanation. She shrugs, shakes her head & smiles. "I continue to be amazed at my man's talents." And with that, she proceeded to put Phil in a liplock.
By the time she was done, Angelica's face had returned to an expression of disgust. "I am not going there!" she said emphatically. "These kids are corrupting you, Carmichael."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Susie shot back. "I love getting corrupted by these kids, especially this kid." indicating Phil, with whom she was still entangled.
"Ange?" By this time Timmy had found his way to his wife's side. "I thought you liked being corrupted."
If Angelica was embarrassed, she covered it & her anger with a satisfied grin, which was not completely a put-on. "Only when it's us, McNulty." she whispered.
Surprise! Didn't expect Dil to show up just yet, did y'all? Oh, I'm already fine-tuning the next chapter, Angelica's Ashes (intriguing title, no?), so it shouldn't take too long to get it up this time. But you know how that goes. We'll see. Please review. Of course, I'm Nftnat. On e-mail I'm Nftnat@aol.com & on IM I'm Nftnat. Cy'all around.
Lil Kimi, thanks. I'm glad I'm back too, finally. I seem to take too long to put these things up anymore; sorry about that. And I too look for things to pick up now that Angelica & Timmy have finally joined the group; Angelica has this personality that will not be denied, ever notice that? What am I saying, of course you have, haven't you.
And thank you, PJS. I'm glad you think it's good, and you're right in that there should've been more in the details department; hopefully I'll improve in that area. As to the 'real soon' thing? Well, I'll do what I can, which obviously isn't enough but what can I do.
Um, thanks, informer, or dylan (?) always glad to get a review. Hmm, there's a Dylan I know from the Road Rovers fanhood, wonder if that's who you are. Oh well, like I said glad to get the review & hope you continue to do so.
Thank you, Starry Nights. Glad to hear that you missed me, although in the words of Kosh from Babylon Five, I have always been here. "fantastic as usual"? Fantastic of you to say so.
Kimmy Larisa, thanks. Considering how long it takes me to post these things, I should be the last to take offense at someone not reviewing in a timely fashion; don't worry about it. Oh, and about Dil? You never know, he could be just on the other side of any sentence. Read on.
Also, I'd like to thank those of you who've been reviewing my other Rugrats fic, I Miss You a Little. I am currently working on the next chapter for that one too.
Rugrats & all Rugrats concepts are created, owned, and / or copyrighted Klasky-Csupo and / or Nickelodeon, a unit of Viacom.
Peavey the druggist, a character from the Great Gildersleeve radio program, is copyrighted to whatever entity currently holds the rights to that program.
"If You're Going to Play In Texas" was recorded by Alabama on their Live album, RCA 1988.
Michael Buffer, the Beatles, Ed Sullivan, Bob Dylan, the Lovin' Spoonful, the Mamas & the Papas, and Phil Spector are copyright themselves & whatever entities hold the rights to those groups and / or individuals.
References to the McMahon family are fair game, although it wouldn't surprise me if ol' Vinny Mac has copyrighted such to Titan Entertainment & the WWE.
Cinderella is public domain, I think, although with the litigating bent of D*sn*y lawyers you can't be too careful.
DareDevilles was originated by me; I came up with it all by myself.
Those who were about to join the group, the married couple, split once they left the car. Timmy headed for the front door while Angelica broke for the back yard.
The group broke toward the interior of the yard, both to give her room and to not tip her off that they had been watching.
Unsurprisingly, Angelica felt the need to make an entrance, complete with an announcement thereof. If she had only known that Kimi would be ready for her... it probably wouldn't have made any difference.
"Here I am, all you lucky peo-"
"ANGELICA!!"
*WHOMP!* Another display of acrobatics; the diminutive medallist was now on top of the blonde.
"Umph! Kimi! So help me, if you're not out of reach by the time I'm up I swear I'm going to make my cousin a pre-widower."
"Oh? Say, while you're at it could you make me one too? I hear they're really eas-"
"AUARGHH!" Angelica flailed, but by the time she was up Kimi was indeed safely out of reach. Especially with the others --- other than Chuck of course, who hung back --- now crowding around Angelica.
"So, cousin, why's your husband taking the scenic route?"
"You know Timmy; he wants to go through the channels. When he visits he'll check in with the proprietors of the place, pay his respects. Unlike some people." she added, correctly figuring the group had long since abandoned such niceties.
Susie defended herself. "Hey, I checked in with both senior Pickles. While I was inside getting Tom." she sheepishly admitted.
"Mm-hmm."
"Oh, shut up."
Then Angelica turned her attention to Chuck, and the tensest part of the visit so far.
"Hey Finster, what're you doing back there? Come on over & join us!"
"Why, are you falling apart?" Phil just had to put in, to which Susie reacted in the usual way.
Meanwhile, Chuck fumbled for an answer, finally coming up with, "Um, no thanks, I, I, I'm looking out for my sister back here."
"Isn't that supposed to be my cousin's job now?"
"Not yet, it isn't."
"My brother is so chivalrous; I keep telling him I can take care of myself but..."
The tension would have mounted from that point had Lil not changed the subject. "Ang, Timmy will be joining us shortly, right?" Before her twin could react she did. "Not one word, Phillip!"
"Aw, nuts!" came from him, and from his fiancee.
To Angelica's unspoken question, Susie explained. "We have this understanding: when he says something silly or stupid I shut him up any way I choose."
"Wow, in that case he might never come up--"
"It's been done." Chuck intoned.
Angelica looked askance at him before deciding to let it go. "O-o-o-okkay. To answer your question, Lil, of course he'll be here; we never go anywhere separately."
"Poor Timmy." Chuck commented.
"Mmm, well, now, I wouldn't say that." came from the doorway of the house.
At that, Angelica's face lightened at least five shades. The group as one turned to see, leaning on the doorway, arms crossed, mile-wide grin on his face...
"TIMMY!!!"
Phil was among those exulting. "All right; our guru has returned!"
"It ain't Peavey the druggist." Timmy shot back, a ref only Phil would get.
He then stepped out of the doorway, into a group hug from the, well, from the group. Silently, he took it all in.
When they finally gave him some breathing room, he spoke again.
"Nice to see all of you again too. Evening, Suze." he added.
"Hello, Timmy." Susie's smile was tinged with a slight hint of melancholia as she nodded, a silent acknowledgment of what the two of them had once thought they had.
Angelica frowned at that, but she kept it inside. Phil took it better, letting it slide. Well, almost.
"Hey, I thought I was the only one who could call you that."
"Phil." Susie pleaded.
Then he remembered. "Oh yeah. Sorry." He mouthed the last word indicating he was dropping the matter before he picked it up.
And Kimi noticed something about the two newest additions. "Is it just me or do they look a bit wiped?" She asked to anyone.
The one who answered was her brother. "Kimi! After several hours on a plane from about halfway around the world, what do you expect? Of course they'd be a bit out of it what with jet lag and all. As much as we've been travelling around the world we can relate."
"Rough trip?" Lil asked sympathetically.
"I wouldn't say that 'rough' was the word for it." Timmy reluctantly admitted while trading guilty secretive smiles with his wife.
And another was added to the list of topics best left alone, by universal mutual silent consent.
But now Kimi was at it again. "So did you bring us anything?"
More than one face slap was performed in response.
"What is it with you and gifts?" Chuck moaned.
"Chuckie's right; why should we give you guys anything? We're not your parents." Angelica started, before her husband interrupted her by clearing his throat.
"Actually, we did find something you might like at the airport; we figured we couldn't pass it up."
"Oh yeah. A little something we had in the back seat. Timmy brought it through the house with him, and if we can pry it away from Aunt Didi..."
That was all that they needed to put the pieces in place. In addition to which, Tom --- who just happened to have the best view of what was going on in the kitchen --- glimpsed the 'present'. At that time, Tom Pickles changed into Michael Buffer.
"Lllllllladies & gentlemen, boys & girls, children of all ages from one to a thousand one, if you will direct your attention to the back door of the residence of Stuart & Deidre Pickles, may I introduce to you, in this corner, weighing in at 198 lbs., the pitcher for the next generation and the generations beyond, the phenomenon of the 21st century, your friend and my brother, give it up for DYLAN! PRESCOTT!! PICKLES!!!"
Long before Tom had finished his spiel, the others had gotten into character. While Phil hung back, Timmy stayed next to the door where he took the stance of a bodyguard, and Chuck headed for the other side of the door to essay himself, C.C. "Chuck" Finster III, super agent to the stars. Meanwhile, Tom continued to brandish his nonexistent microphone, and the ladies, well, who knew what they were doing. The only one unaffected was Angelica, who didn't think much of the whole thing.
She thought even less of it when Kimi & Lil & Susie started screaming like crazed fangirls at the advent of the Billion Dollar Baby (just don't call him that).
"Oh, for-- would you stop it already? Don't you realize how far back you're setting the women's movement? Especially you, Lil; what would your mother the feminist say if she saw you getting all gushy like that? And with her next door there's no reason she wouldn't be watching."
Lil offered a Bronx cheer in response.
"Oh, very mature."
But by now Dil had finally made his appearance and had joined the gathering.
"Hello, sports fans!"
"Already he's working on his broadcasting career." Someone was heard to mumble.
And now, after an impromptu wave, Tom & the girls sans Angelica had formed a makeshift press corps shouting out one question after another to 'Mr. Pickles'.
Chuck stepped in front of his richest client to do what he does best. "Ladies & gentleman, members of the press, my client has a short statement which he would like for me to read, after which he will take questions, but for no longer than five minutes. He's a busy man who has many things going today he needs to take care of. So, if..."
"Ah, he's a bum!"
Heads turned to find Phil heckling Dil over at the table; apparently, that was his role in the charade, self-assigned or otherwise.
"You heard me, Pickles, you're a bum!"
Dil feigned outrage. "Who let that heckler in here? Security!"
Timmy was on it; he closed in on Phil within two seconds. The ensuing struggle was quite realistic, though not real.
As it progressed, Kimi got another idea, which is always playing with fire.
"Say, that looks like fun!"
A similar gleam appeared in Lil's eye. "So what are we waiting for?"
Tom was already ahead of them, trying to be first in line to join in. It snowballed from there as everyone wanted to get involved, except Angelica.
And Chuck. "Um, guys? Maybe this isn't such a good ideaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
But he was overruled, not to mention overwhelmed --- physically and otherwise --- as his sister & his fiancee picked him up & carried him with them.
The knot moved toward Phil & Timmy with surprising speed; in no time those two were swallowed up in the former. Everyone but Angelica was roughhousing now.
Suddenly the frightful cry rang out, "Dog pile on Dil!"
"No! My hands! Help!"
In times to come, they would agree that Chuck definitely earned his pay that day, as he absorbed the brunt of the punishment which would have been dished out on the budding superstar.
As soon as Chuck could talk, he let loose with a shout that would've done credit to Joe Besser. "Don't ever dooooooooooo that! One injury, and there goes his career!"
Angelica had had enough; she approached the pile intent upon chewing out one & all, with one possible exception. "If everyone's finished making fools out of themselves," she started.
"DOG PILE ON ANGELICA!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
But it was in vain; they showed no mercy on her.
Five minutes later, on the ground underneath a mass of humanity, Angelica rested her head on one hand, drumming the fingers of the other on the ground. "This just isn't my day."
On the other end of the pile, Dil was in heaven. He was king of the hill, in more ways than one. "Ah, it's good to be home." Then he reached toward those under him. "I missed all of you so much!"
Slowly, the pile unfolded. Those who were at home around the table started to take their seats.
Angelica didn't like that. "Hey, where's my seat?"
"Sorry, Angelica." Phil started.
"We only have so many." Lil finished.
"Haven't you ever heard of 'ladies first'?"
"Sure, but what does that have to do with you?" Chuck flung yet another barb at her.
"Besides," his sister put in, "weren't you the one talking to us about setting back the women's movement?"
"Equal rights would necessarily imply equal wrongs, cousin." was Tom's contribution.
Angelica sputtered. "You people are impossible!"
"I disagree." Dil spoke up. "They're great." He turned to the group around the table. "I love all of y'all, even Deville."
"'Y'all'?" Kimi wondered before Phil could speak.
Her brother explained. "If you're going to play in Texas you need to know the language."
Which set Phil's mind off on a tangent, what else is new? "I thought it was 'If you're going to play in Texas you gotta have a fiddle in the band'."
Blank looks all around.
Phil was now very sheepish. "Never mind." he said in a very small voice.
Tom took the subject on another detour. "Speaking of Texas, how did you find it, Dil?"
"It was just the other side of New Mexico."
Phil supplied the rimshot as the others groaned.
"But seriously, it's a very nice place. Oh, Uncle Mackie & Aunt Edie send their regards."
"And Emmit?"
"No, they couldn't send him; 'Big Tex' is out on tour. You know how the pro wrestling business is, constant touring, go go go 24-7 basically. One day Lubbock, the next day Little Rock, the next day Louisville, yadda yadda yadda."
"You think that feud with Thanatos will ever end?" Phil asked.
That interested Dil. "Oh, you've been keeping up."
"Try to stop him." Kimi rolled her eyes. "If how he was years ago is any indication he's quite the fan, and that was before he knew your cousin was in the business."
"It's classic theater," Phil defended.
Someone snorted. "Oh, puh-leeze!"
"The pomp, the pageantry, and those story lines are kicking a-- these days. That feud between Big Tex & Thanatos alone, it's gone on for over a year & it's all been gold." "He really believes all this." his twin wailed.
"Now that the McMahon estate has been settled, the antitrust suit is over with & there's some real competition for the first time since the '90's; things are finally worth watching & really getting involved again. Just in time for someone's cousin to make a run for the title belt."
Chuck mused. "He's always wanted to put on the tights himself."
"Please, don't remind me." His sister moaned.
Susie corrected. "'Us', you mean. I thought for certain that those ideas would've been knocked out of him after what happened to him in high school, but..."
"What are you talking about?" Tom asked, being clueless of the events to which they were referring.
Phil thought fast, which was admittedly out of character for him. "Um, they thought any sort of athletically-oriented activity would have been pounded out of me after being on teams with 'Dil the Drill'."
Dil heard that. "I'll ignore that, Deville, because there's something more important I have to discuss with you guys. What's this I hear about all of you selling out?"
The others didn't know what he meant.
"What're you talking about?"
"There's no selling out going on over here."
"Are you talking about the show?"
"You sure you didn't catch one of your own fastballs, in the head?"
"DIL!" Tom practically screamed his response, a bit uneasy at such a topic of conversation so close to the local rep for MergeCorp, even if she was his cousin. Pickles Toys was an independent concern, and he preferred that it remain that way for the foreseeable future.
Fortunately, Angelica didn't pick up on it; she seemed as clueless as anyone else. "Make sense, cousin, as if that's possible."
"Very funny. I'm talking about three engagements."
"Oh"'s all around.
Susie asked Timmy, "Let me guess, you guys told him at the airport?"
"We didn't have to; he got the word from his mother on the plane. Gotta love those cell phones. Not to mention PDAs, e-mail, the internet--"
"I get it already."
And Dil's rant continued.
"The term for an engaged person is a Benedict, which just happens to be the first name of the most infamous traitor in history. Coincidence? I don't think so."
"You need to stop reading those tabloids, Dil; they'll rot your mind." Chuck counselled. "And that's Benedick, not Benedict."
"Huh?" Dil then shook his head. "And you, you'd think you could have told me something; it's not like you didn't have the chance just a couple days ago!"
Lil was in a similar mood as Chuck toward the young man for whom the two of them had always been like an extra set of parents. For the moment. "Dil, what's the big deal about all of us getting married?"
"How can all of you do this to me? It's like I'm losing all of my friends in one fell swoop! I'll be the only one left!"
"It happens to just about everyone at this time of life, bro; it'll happen to you soon enough." Tom put in.
"NEVER!"
"Never say 'never'."
And again, Chuck took on a paternal role. "Dil, there's no need for you to shout, especially to your brother."
"Hey, wait a minute!"
Heads turned toward the source of that latest sentence, Phil.
"What is it, Phil?" his future brother-in-law asked.
"I have a question for you, Dil."
"What?" Dil asked.
"What did you mean you love all of us, 'even Deville'?"
The prolonged silence ripened into sighs as they realized that...
"It took him five minutes to get back to that."
"I've been trying to figure out if this delayed reaction schtick of his is just a gimmick." Lil mused.
"I'll let you know." Susie confided.
Phil continued. "Should we get the vibe that you have something against me?"
Dil was dumbfounded. "You're kidding."
"No."
"Where should I start, back when you dropped me on my head--"
"We only did that once." Lil put in.
"--or shall we go back to right after I was born?"
Now it was Phil's turn. "Oh, come on! You can not still be holding that against us!"
"You two never did like me."
And now Lil's. "How can you say that? You've been like the son I haven't had yet. I've been like a mother to you!"
"More like the stepmother from Cinderella."
"Hey! Watch it with the 'step' cracks." Kimi warned.
"Step on a crack, break your mother's back?" Phil philosophized, to no one's reaction.
But now Chuck weighed in. "Kimi, you know there's nothing 'step' about our family; don't take it personally." Then he turned his attention to Dil. In his best '50's tv dad voice. "Dillon, that's no way to behave."
Dil was immediately contrite. "Yes sir." This was one person for whom he had enormous respect; Chuck had indeed been like a brother and a father to him, even though he was already well supplied in both areas.
And a calm settled over the table & yard. It wouldn't last long, but there it was.
About this time, Timmy felt his wife's eyes boring a hole in him. He turned to face her glare.
"What?"
"You, encouraging them."
"Well, babe, even we rich heirs can be bought." defended Timmy.
"Or awed", put in Lil. "It's not every day we get a celebrity in here."
"You're ALL celebrities!!" Angelica exploded. "Thanks to that show of yours!"
"Yeah!" confirmed Timmy. "DareDevilles is on wherever we go in North America."
"And soon you won't be able to get away from it no matter where you go in the world, now that we have those overseas contracts." Chuckie informed the McNultys.
"Oh, no!" groaned Angelica. "It's bad enough now. Everywhere I go in the US & Canada, as soon as they know I'm a Pickles they want to know if I'm related to 'Tom Pickles of Pickles Toys', then they ask me all these questions about all of you."
"Ah, our public!" exulted Lil.
"It's stupid, your whole show is stupid! For crying out loud, it's the 2010's! Doesn't anyone realize how dated reality TV & adventure shows are by now?"
"Yes, we do." said Kimi. "So we mix it up, jazz it up, tweak it, come up with combinations not thought of before. And the people love it, as you yourself have confirmed, Angelica."
"It's the American way to take what's old & make it new & exciting." informed Phil. "It's just like what happened with folk music back in the '60's."
Blank looks all around, again.
"You know," he continued. "Folk was big in the early '60's, really big, in fact it was feared folk would replace rock & roll. Then those guys from Liverpool went on Mr. Sullivan's show & bam! Two words: British Invasion. So what happens to folk? Dylan plugs in, the Spoonful find new uses for the jug & autoharp, & the Mamas & the Papas borrow from Phil Spector."
The blank looks continue at Phil's knowledge of music history. Some faces turn toward Susie for an explanation. She shrugs, shakes her head & smiles. "I continue to be amazed at my man's talents." And with that, she proceeded to put Phil in a liplock.
By the time she was done, Angelica's face had returned to an expression of disgust. "I am not going there!" she said emphatically. "These kids are corrupting you, Carmichael."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Susie shot back. "I love getting corrupted by these kids, especially this kid." indicating Phil, with whom she was still entangled.
"Ange?" By this time Timmy had found his way to his wife's side. "I thought you liked being corrupted."
If Angelica was embarrassed, she covered it & her anger with a satisfied grin, which was not completely a put-on. "Only when it's us, McNulty." she whispered.
Surprise! Didn't expect Dil to show up just yet, did y'all? Oh, I'm already fine-tuning the next chapter, Angelica's Ashes (intriguing title, no?), so it shouldn't take too long to get it up this time. But you know how that goes. We'll see. Please review. Of course, I'm Nftnat. On e-mail I'm Nftnat@aol.com & on IM I'm Nftnat. Cy'all around.