LoK Fluff Chapter 2: Hysterics, Hell Chickens and a Helicopter, a legacy of kain fanfic

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates with/and/or the game in itself, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics. So you can't sue us because first off we have no money and secondly because after reading what has been written above, it just shows two girls having mindless and wholesome fun!

Syvia- I'm still not buying the 'wholesome' thingy.

Anamae- My bit with Faustus is no worse than your bit with Vorador.

Syvia- Ahem, there is no 'bit with Vorador', while you most certainly have a make-out session with Faustus.

Anamae- Indeed I do. *purrs in contentment*

Authors' Notes: The plot is simple and pretty straight-forward; Syvia and I somehow wound up in the Nosgoth world and decided to have as much fun as possible? Sounds good? Well then, get to reading!

Anamae- You put me second again...

Syvia- Because it sounds better. My name is shorter than yours.

Anamae- *grumbles*

Syvia- Anyway- for fulfilling the 10 review minimum, here's the next chapter! ^_^

*massive hugs to the 11 reviewers*

Anamae- And feel free to read our other fics as well!!!!!

Syvia- That's right, we won't mind at all.

Chapter 2

Hysterics, Hell Chickens and a Helicopter

The girls trudge up a hill, still unaware *despite my overly loud narration* of the horror following them... and all the stuff Moebius was bringing along to ensure their soon-to-occur, painful death.

Syvia- Riiiiight.

*Anamae shakes her head at the narrator in disgust*

Just play along, pleeeeeeeease?

*They shrug and continue to trudge*

Syvia- *panting* Uh... do we still need the bazookas?

Anamae- I guess not.

With the aid of another trusty plot hole they got rid of the bazookas and continued along the road. Up and up they climbed.

Syvia- By the way... I haven't played SR2 in a while.... isn't this the spot where Raz needs the Air reaver to get to the Pillars?

Anamae- You worry too much.

Syvia- But how are we supposed to get over that enormous gap in the bridge?! And Raz has amazing strength! How are we supposed to open those huge doors to get to the pillars!?

Anamae- *patiently* Syvia-

Syvia- And how are we supposed to get up to the door with the Ancient on it? We can't get into the spectral realm! What about getting in the door?! We don't have the Reaver.

Anamae- *a little louder* Syvia-

Syvia- What about getting past the Elder God?! I don't think I can hold my breath that long! And what about-

Suddenly Anamae couldn't take anymore and grabbed Syvia by the shoulders.

Anamae- SYVIA! *the panicked girl stops* Like you said, we control the fic. We'll figure it out.

Syvia- You're sure about that? Everyone's seen what happens when I write a self insertion fan fic....

Anamae- *suddenly looks worried* That's a good point...

Syvia- Lots of unexpected things start to happen.

Anamae- *looks even more worried* Well...

Syvia- And things start going wrong...

Anamae- Oh my God, you're right! This was a terrible idea! How are we going to get to Janos at all?!

Both the girls began having hysterics, and at this time, the worst possible time, two Sarafan knights met them on the path, identified them from Moebius' description, raised their swords and charged.

But then some deep-seated fighting instinct took over. Anamae and Syvia looked at the knights, pulled out weapons of mass destruction, and proceeded to mash the knights into a bloody pulp.

Syvia- *smiles slightly* I feel much better now.

Anamae- *grins* Yep, so do I. *gestures to the path* Shall we?

Syvia grinned wider and they did a little victory dance before setting off again. Moebius, having seen the whole thing, sent one of his knights back to the keep for reinforcements.

The girls, after proceeding to walk over the mutilated corpses of the Sarafan Guards, continued into the mountains until they came to the pass that led to Janos' fortress. Unfortunately because of the insane amount of snow and ice that always built up during Nosgothian winter (and a mountain climber named Fred who'd yodeled in the wrong place and at the wrong time the other day because everyone throws things at him when he yodels in town) an avalanche had blocked the pass. Syvia gestured angrily at the blocked canyon and crossed her arms over her chest in a huff.

Syvia- Told you. Now we can't do a thing, Anamae. We might as well start looking for another way to get to Janos' fortress.

Anamae- Syvia... I haven't played SR2, so I don't know exactly how to get to Janos' fortress. *receives a look from Syvia* What?

Syvia- You never played the game? You've never played the game?

Anamae- *defensively* ...I bought the walkthrough. *Syvia groans* Oh calm down, we'll be fine. Just wait here. *walks off*

Syvia- Where are you going?

Anamae- *calling over her shoulder* I'll be back.

What else could Syvia do but wait for Anamae to come back? Meanwhile Moebius decided that confronting one girl would be easier than two and with a snap of his fingers the whole Sarafan army appeared, surrounding Syvia with catapults, Glyph Knights, vicious dogs and the even more vicious Mexican chicken which was pecking the ground quickly and digging up snow with its sharp claws.

Moebius- *jumps out and strikes a pose* Aha! I have you now, mysterious girl! Reveal why you are in Nosgoth and you might get off easily.

Syvia- *mockingly* 'Aha' yourself. *deadpan* And I have a name, you know. *snickering from the Sarafan Knights*

Moebius- *glaring* Well then what is it?

Syvia- -_- My name is Syvia. S-y-v-i-a. Got it?

Moebius- *angrily* I know how to spell.

Glyph Knight No. 1- Actually boss, you're dyslexic, aren't you? When you go to restaurants, you need Nupraptor or Ariel to say what's on the menu...and since you have the shakes from time to time, they also need to feed you-

Pardon me. *everyone turns to the Narrator* In this time frame, Nupraptor and Ariel haven't been born yet.

Glyph Knight No. 2- Nice going Genius! *smacks Glyph Knight No. 1 upside the head*

Nor were there Glyph Knights. They don't come into being until long after the Pillars are corrupted. *The Glyph Knights all look at each other*

Glyph Knight No. 3- Hey... the narrator's right.

Moebius- Shut up, all of you!

Glyph Knight No. 1- But sir... the narrator is right. We belong in a different time frame.

Moebius- *expressionless face* Ask me if I care. *the Glyph Knights look nervously at one another*

Syvia- *rolls eyes* Fine, I'll ask. *congenially* Moebius, do you care? *bats eyelashes*

Moebius- Let me think about it.

He stroked his chin for a minute, then in a falsely bright tone exclaimed-

Moebius- Why, no; I don't!

Glyph Knight No. 2- But sir-

Moebius- *groans* Fine! Go change your armor, just don't be all day about it!

The Glyph Knights scampered off, leaving Syvia and Moebius with the attack dogs, who were sleeping under the catapults, and the Mexican chicken, who was clucking ferociously and pecking at Moebius' ankle.

Moebius- *kicks the chicken* Why are you in Nosgoth?

Syvia- *shrugs* You got me. But my friend and I are going to stop you from killing Janos.

The Glyph Knights, now dressed as Sarafan, who had just gotten back, looked at Syvia in amazement, as did Moebius.

Moebius- HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!!! Those plans are top-secret; no one but the Circle Members know about them! You must be...a WITCH! A vampire-loving witch.

Syvia- *smirks* Well, duh! *raises her voice* Janos hasn't done anything to you guys, yet you want to go up there, smash that nice man's house, steal his sword and rip out his heart?

Glyph Knights dressed as Sarafan- Yeah, yeah pretty much.

Syvia- *horrified expression* WHY?!

The Sarafan Knight formerly known as Glyph Knight no. 2- *whispering to no. 3* She does have a point. When I take my kids out on Halloween, Janos always gives out the most candy.

He who was once Glyph Knight no. 3- And he helps old people home with their shopping bags, as well as donating to various charities.

Glyph Knight no. 1, now known as Sarafan Knight no.1- Hey, listen to yourselves. Janos also happens to prey on the people, drinking their blood, running amok through the villages, burning cattle and sheep for no good reason. We need to destroy him.

Glyph Knight no.'s 3 & 2 dressed as Sarafan- Sorry boss.

Moebius- *icily* Are you all done? *glares at the Sarafan Knights, then looks back to Syvia* You must never tell Janos what you know; therefore we will kill you here!

And with that, the Sarafan raised their swords, spears, maces, spiked clubs and a popcorn machine at Syvia, intent on killing her. But they failed to notice the small 2-person helicopter fly down from above, Anamae at the steering wheel. The Sarafan scream and Moebius goes flying because of the wind kicked up by the blades.

Anamae- Hey Syvia, get on! *she waits for a bit, then has a light bulb moment* Oh yeah *chuckling* I need to get the rope first.

Syvia- *nervously eyeing the popcorn machine* C'mon!!!! I'm freezing my butt off down here!

Anamae threw down a rope ladder, which Syvia quickly climbed. The girl then crawled in the helicopter and into the empty seat.

Syvia- It is damn good to see you! *Anamae grins and steers away from the canyon* So this is what took you so long! Where did you get the helicopter? I didn't think Nosgoth had anything this advanced.

Anamae- I went down to Muphey's Rentals.

Syvia- How?

Anamae- *cavalier* It was just in the next valley. I used five plot holes, four clever clowns, three cans of gas, two trampolines-

Syvia- *singing* And a partridge in a pear tree!

Anamae laughed and fiddled with the controls.

Syvia- In any event, thanks.

Anamae- No problem! Looks like I got there just in time too. Moebius looked about ready to kill you.

Both girls smirked down at the Time Streamer, his waist, legs and bony butt, sticking out of the snow, kicking wildly. The other Sarafan were shrieking and running away or into each other as they tried to decide what to do. So with the helicopter that Anamae had bought in the dealership for two packets of bubblegum and a colorful spool of thread, the two not-so-heroic young women made it over the pass and through the mountains with ease.

And that was when disaster hit.

They ran out of gas.

Anamae- *deadpan* I knew I should put more than 5 bucks in.

Syvia- *shrieking as they plummet towards the ground* Where are the parachutes!? There are always parachutes!!

Anamae- ...I forgot to get some. -_-

Both girls then did the only thing they could as they headed towards their supposed doom (which won't happen because no one dies in this fic ...except Moebius). They screamed with all the glory of a Horror Movie Queen (which was quite a bit) and caused about three avalanches near Janos' fortress. The last Ancient poked his head out the window and sighed.

He'd have to shovel again.

=============================

Anamae- If you're quick with reviews, we'll be quick with the new chapter.

Syvia- So review! ^_^

*the Mexican Chicken clucks idly*

Anamae- *confused look* How did that get here?

Syvia- I love that chicken! :-D

Anamae- ^_^ Go Mexican chicken!

*they stare at the chicken for a while*

Syvia- ...I'm hungry.

Anamae- You wanna cut his head off or should I? *Mexican chicken hears this and clucks off angrily to peck at someone else's butt* ...Horror queen scream? Didn't Vorador win that one when his wife kicked him in the cookie for cheating on him?

Syvia- *amazed look* I thought no one else knew that.

Ananmae- ....I have my ways.