Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates with/and/or the game in itself, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics. So you can't sue us because first off we have no money and secondly because after reading what has been written above, it just shows two girls having mindless and wholesome fun!
Authors Notes:
*Syvia and Anamae are sitting in the middle of a darkened parlour, which looks faintly familiar like the parlour that Sherlock Holmes had. In fact, it was his parlour and they had kicked him out of it because they wanted to use it. They wanted to answer the letters with some sort of posh background to make them feel all important, yadda yadda, so on and so forth*
Anamae- But we have to answer the letters quickly because Sherlock is bound to come back anytime and fine his door locked and him without the key. Syvia, the letter!
Syvia- And the first letter is from... *drum roll* Fallen Templar!
Anamae- We hate Moebius too! Don't worry- he'll have several excruciating moments during the course of the fic. *evil little grin*
Syvia- Number two. ^_^ *opens the letter* From Rockerbaby ^_^ ... Ooooh, someone else who likes to torture Kain and Raziel. *grins*
Anamae- Eat us? With ketchup and mustard?
Syvia- And a bit of relish?
Anamae- How about ranch dressing?
Syvia- Ewww! Ranch dressing belongs on salads!
Anamae- Letter three- is from Venris!
Syvia- *waves* Hi Venris! ^_^ Thanks for the review! :-D
Anamae- *casually blows the smoke away from her bazooka, grins* Okay, the next letter is from Chalcedony Blue. ... ^_^ The evil Chihuahuas were my idea.
Syvia- And don't worry- there will be much more Moby bashing. :-D *opens letter five* Hello RedCat8 ^_^ Don't worry about us! We'll get to Janos in quite a comical way. ^_^
Anamae- Next, from Miki Tiki. Thank you again ^_^ I love my Chihuahuas.
Syvia- ...But they all died. *sniff* Don't worry- we shall continue! *dramatic pose* From Anima Flamma... *grins* I train my plot holes extensively. Eight hours every day, and they're so obedient. ^_^
Anamae- And you're right, Moebius did deserve it. He really, really deserved it. Now from Silveriss ... Awww! *chucks her bazooka away*
Syvia- We're only too happy to write ^_^ Daughter Goddess... okay, okay, we're getting to it. ^_^
Anamae- *curiously* Or else what? Next letter- Satsuki the Vision... ^_^ Moebius will have pain and suffering, trust us. *evil smile*
Syvia- And the last letter for chapter one *drum roll* is from DragonSeer!
Both- *blushing* Why thank you!!!!
Anamae- And now for the chapter 2 reviews... first one is from Bahamut Epyon... Thanks ^_^
Syvia- Second, from Fallen Templar. Thank you, and we didn't maim the vile one because that comes later! *evil grin*
Anamae- Third, another from Satsuki. ^_^ Thanks! We like the Mex chicken too. :-b The popcorn machine was my doing. ^_^ And the mix-up was my accident- but Syvia emphasized the comedy of the error. *blushes*
Syvia- It was fun. :-D *opens the next letter* From GoT... Thanks!
Anamae- And the next is from Crystarr. *Syvia GLOMPS! Crystarr* Thank you. ...Heyyy Faustus is my baby! *grins*
Syvia- And thanks again for mentioning us in your fic.
Anamae- Yes- that's the BLOOD OMEN 1a- THINGS TO DO IN NOSGOTH WHEN YOU'RE DEAD fic right here at fanfiction.net! Read it TODAY!
*both smile brightly*
Syvia- ... Any more?
Anamae- *taps fingernails on the table* Not yet...
*DING! A letter falls onto the table*
Syvia- Woo-hoo! *picks it up* This one is from- Venris again! ^_^ Ooooh, marshmallows!
*both begin roasting marshmallows. DHA eats one*
Anamae- Fanks! ^_^
Syvia- *with her mouth full* Nexf one if from- Filveriff! ^_^
Anamae- M&M's! ^_^ *eats some*
Syvia- I'll take some cherries :-D Glad we could make you laugh!
Anamae- Letter 19 is from- *dramatic voice* The Cat of Fluff!
Syvia- Ooooh, we got their seal of approval. ^_^ Cool!
Anamae- Letter 20 (Woo-hoo!) from Shady!
Syvia- ....She did that thing where she talked in another language again...
Anamae- Uh- okay. ^_^ She said she liked it though.
Syvia- True enough.
Chapter 3
Reasons Why Vorador Likes Syvia
So while Janos began shoveling his walkway once again, the girls fell in an uncontrolled spiral towards the ground.
Anamae- *shouting over the air whistling* Where are we?
Syvia- Falling through the air!!
Anamae- *sarcastically* NooooooooOOOOOOOooooooo...
Syvia- We're about to be inside the Termogent Forest, why?
Anamae- Maybe we could call Vorador for help...
Syvia- Is that a good idea?
Anamae- Is dying in a flaming helicopter crash any better?!
Syvia- When you put it that way-
So Syvia reached in a plot hole and pulled out a megaphone as the girls took their (somehow extended) fall through the skies of Nosgoth.
Syvia- *Through the megaphone* Attention all Sarafan, Attention all Sarafan! Vampires at twelve o'clock!
Anamae- *checking her watch* But it's only 11:30.
Syvia- *rolling her eyes* Assemble at 6 o'clock!
Anamae- What good did that do?!
The helicopter continues to plummet to the ground, underneath it, on an enormous clock built into the swamp ground of the forest, all the Sarafan in the grouped together, blades at the ready.
Sarafan 1- *looking at the giant number six* Duh okay.. we're here... but why are we here? Where are the vampires. *all looking at the giant number twelve*
The sarafan guards looked back and forth between each other like the morons they are, trying to figure out the answer to this relatively simple question. High on a balcony of his manor, Vorador stepped out at the request of one of his children and took a look at the situation.
Vorador- What is it? I was in the middle of dinner. *gestures to the young, very content looking, woman tucked under his arm*
Fledgling- Look at that.
Vorador- The Sarafan? Yes, they're there all the time. *drinks from the woman*
Fledgling- ...They're just standing there.
Vorador- *licks his lips* Any idea why?
Fledgling- Not really.
Vorador- Wait... what's that sound?
Suddenly the Helicopter carrying Anamae and Syvia (as if there'd be another one in this world) fell on the Sarafan knights. Crushing them all horribly. Vorador, after a moment of stunned silence, began laughing. He laughed so hard that he doubled over, dropped the woman he was holding and crossed his arms over his stomach. He laughed so hard that blood squirted out of his nose.
Anamae- Ewwwww.
What?! You didn't actually see it! Anyway - the girls, miraculously unhurt, climbed out of the helicopter, grimacing at the blood and gore that surrounded them....or was it the-
Syvia- Swamp water in my hair! Ugh!
Anamae- Well that was fun... we completely overshot Janos' fortress, killed a group of Sarafan, made extinct a very rare species of moss and survived a helicopter crash that has left us right at the front of Vorador's mansion. I think it's been a good day. ^_^
Syvia- Agreed. So let's go knock on Vorry's door and ask to be let in, then we tell him what will happen to Janos, and he'll go tell his father with us there.
Anamae- *sarcastically* Or he'll simple go to the Circle, kill six guardians and then retire from the world for about 500 years till all hell breaks loose.
Syvia- ...That could happen too. But I have swamp water in my hair, I'm hungry and I just wanna nap!!!
Anamae- Awww, *baby talk* does widdle Syvvie need a nappie-wappie?
Syvia- Shut up.
They walked up to Vorador's door, bickering good-naturedly.
Anamae- *both look at the door handle which is of a woman in a rather delicate position* You knock. *sighs* Well, we know what's on the green vamp's mind most of the time. Oh, that reminds me!
She reached into her pocket and took out a simple silver ring, and put it on her fourth finger on her left hand.
Syvia- *knocking* What's that for?
Anamae- Just in case that old vampire thinks about making me one of his brides; now he can't because I'm untouchable!!!! *door opens*
Syvia- Crap, I should get one too!
She quickly opened a plot hole and searched through it. Out came a rubber duck, one bicycle helmet, then bike itself and the child riding it (who were tossed into the swamp and eaten by the swamp thing), then a watch and a 'Dummies Guide To The World Of Nosgoth' book. No ring. Syvia closed it hastily as the door swung open, revealing the ancient vampire. Vorador stood at the opened door, looking at the two girls in front of him. Then his gaze traveled to the crashed helicopter and the smashed bodies of the Sarafan underneath it, then back to them. This went on for about five minutes-
Syvia- Hey! Get on with the fricken' story, buddy!!!!
Well, exccccccuuuuuuussssseeeeee me lady. Anyway Vorador looked over the two women and thought to himself this-
Vorador- *thinking* Wow, two fine women coming to my mansion. I needed a few new playthings! Uh-oh! *looks at the ring on Anamae's finger* Well, one less plaything, but she could still be dinner. And the other one is free. ^-^
Anamae- Wow...he thinks loudly. *Syvia is looking decidedly uncomfortable* Hi! Can we come in? We're soaked, it's beginning to rain and we need a place sleep tonight. *turns big puppy dog eyes up to him* Surely you wouldn't turn two women away, would you?
Syvia- *picking up on the act* Yes, someone as nice and kind as you, Lord Vorador? *thinking* This had better work.
Of course, this did appeal to Vorador's ego, which reached about as high as the sky and was twice as long. He was always looking to help the hapless female, even if these two looked capable of handling things themselves to some extent. So with a wave of his claw Vorador ushered the two girls into his mansion, telling one of his many brides to have rooms made ready for his guests. Of course Syvia noticed how Vorador was winking at her. She shuddered and tried to tell Anamae, who was too engrossed at this moment asking one of the brides how they could walk in such heels and not feel the cold with the clothing they wore.
Syvia- *muttering to herself* It's gonna be a loooong night. *she rolls her eyes and whimpers* That's such a cliché, too!
Vorador- Come, let's talk about... *looking at Syvia* things. Bloodletting, killing Sarafan, mutilation...
He gestured down the hall, allowing the girls to precede him. We all know the reason was so he'd have a better view of their-
Vorador- *clearing his throat at the narrator*
- Moving on! Syvia took this time to have a whispered conversation with Anamae.
Syvia- Nice trick with the wedding ring, couldn't have brought one for me too, just in case this happened?
Anamae- So what, he could think we were married to each other? Besides, I can't think of everything. You have to look after yourself sometimes, you know. Before long I'll start charging for bodyguard services.
Syvia- Some friend you are. What makes you think Vorador respects wedding vows anyway? He thinks he's a god after all...
Anamae- I'm sure he respects wedding ceremonies, after all, the vampires must have some kind of procedure-
Syvia- *sarcastically* Oh yeah, all the vamps get nightshade bouquets and wear black dresses-
Random Bride- *smiling* Actually, the dresses are red.
Syvia and Anamae jumped, remembered belatedly that vampires have excellent hearing and stopped talking. They followed Vorador, or rather led him, to his dining room, hesitating at the door for a moment, having remembered what Vorador actually had to offer for edibles. The vampire 'accidentally' brushed past Syvia, making her shiver, to open the door, revealing an empty room. The girls breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief, which lasted only as long as it took Vorador to turn around and smile at them. You call that a smile?
Anamae- I actually call it a leer. With big teeth.
Syvia- *whispers through her cheery (fake) smile* Still feeling 'untouchable' Anamae?
Anamae- *smiling through clenched teeth* Yes, I am.
Vorador led them into the dining room and the brides walked off through another door.
Vorador- Please, sit down, both of you.
He gracefully pulled out a seat for Syvia, who took it to keep from making him mad. Anamae stood by the table, waiting, until Vorador slid into the seat next to her friend and she realize she'd have to seat herself. Grumbling, she stomped over to one seat, yanked it out and sat herself down.
Vorador- So, tell me. Why are you here... and where have you been all my life?
Anamae- Well-
Vorador- I was not asking you. I was asking this fine young woman in front of me.
Syvia- *blushing* Uh... there were all those centuries before I was born... *Anamae kicks her under the table. Syvia winces and gets to the point.* Well, we were on our way to help Janos but we got side-tracked. Moebius came and tried to kill us but then we escaped using the helicopter and now we're here.
Vorador leaned closer to Syvia, who was trying without much success to pull away from the overly-amorous vampire. Anamae was thumb wrestling with herself, oblivious to her friend's plight... after all, her left thumb was winning! That couldn't happen. But Syvia was saved when the brides brought in supper.
Bride- Here we are! *lifts the lid from the silver tray to expose a heart and liver, still raw*
Anamae looked up after her right thumb made a comeback and turned faintly green. She lunged out of the room and barfed on an unsuspecting potted plant, then came back in looking a little pale.
Anamae- Uhh, Syvia... maybe you should eat it first. You know, just in case.
Syvia, still leaning away from Vorador, hadn't noticed the heart or liver yet, however, as her chair tipped back, she caught a glimpse of it. Distracted by the raw meat, she leaned back too far and the chair fell over. Vorador was quick to help her back up, and she was just as quick to step away from him, smiling cordially. He helped her to sit once again, pushed her chair close to the table, partly to keep her from getting up easily, which had the side effect of sliding her right up to the 'food'. She looked at it, turned green, and remembered what Anamae had said.
Syvia- In case what? In case it's still moving?!
Anamae- *nod nod nod* Eat up. *smiles* You're the brave one!
Syvia- *gritting her teeth in a smile once again* Oh thank you, but I think I'd like it a little hotter...
And with that she opened a plot hole, and pulled a flamethrower and long-handled fork out of it. Vorador and the brides flinched back, surprised as Syvia speared the liver, held it up and flambéed it. Anamae grinned a bit at the display and Vorador's reaction. After a few minutes on high heat, Syvia held the liver close to her nose and sniffed it. By this time Anamae had taken out another long-handled fork and speared the heart. She held it out over the flame as if she were roasting a marshmallow. Yum... I think...
Anamae- Now that looks good enough to eat. *smacks her lips and begins to cut the heart*
Syvia- I'll say. *cuts up the liver and begins to eat it as well*
Syvia, hoping to dissuade Vorador from putting the moves on her, began to eat her liver quite noisily; smacking her lips, chewing with her mouth open and belching at every given opportunity just to show Vorador how disgusting she really was. But the plan backfired.
Vorador- *thinking* Finally one woman who doesn't care to pretend to be something she is not! It's so refreshing to find a girl so completely at ease on the first date! This will be fun!
================================
Anamae- Hey, Syv-
Syvia- *looking annoyed* What?
Anamae- *in sing-song* Vorador liiiiiiikes youuuuuu!
Syvia- *grumbles*
Anamae- He really likes you!
Syvia- I know.
Anamae- Really, really, really, really, really likes youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
Syvia- Shut the hell up!
Anamae- If the readers wanna see what happens to you next then, they might want to be quick with the reviews. *looks at the readers* The usual ten then, please! You get to watch Syvia having the worst time of her life for all of ten measly reviews-ARGH! *Syvia jump-attacks Anamae*
Syvia- You're using my misery to get reviews? *choking Anamae*
Anamae- Seems that way..... :-p