LoK Fluff The Road to Ullischtch Ulich Ushitenhe, a legacy of kain fanfic

Disclaimer: We do not own LoK, anything that relates-

Syvia- Hold it, hold it hold it.

Anamae- What?

Syvia- Uh... I think they get the idea by now.

Anamae- Ah. True. Okay then; previous disclaimers still apply! But all the same we don't have to deal with all the technical stuff again and again.

Author's Notes: *Syvia and Anamae are sitting in a horse-drawn carriage, (which they stole from Sherlock) and are hanging on to the side handles for dear life, trying to read reviews. Syvia is still in her pajamas, as Anamae just dragged her out of bed.*

Syvia- And the first one *BUMP* ow... is from Sastuki. Thanks for your sympathy. :-b Vorry is a sweet vamp... if a little persistent.

Anamae- Yep, Moby is much worse... Syvia should know. *smiles sweetly*

Syvia- That's enough out of you!

Anamae- I like my coffee people, and it was the narrator that put me to sleep. Hell, she's the one 'controlling' this fic to be honest but all the same...whatever. I like my coffee and I need it! Bwahahahahaha!

Thank you very much!

Anamae- Oh no! Can't we get away from you anywhere?

Nope. *Bucky, on Syvia's shoulder, smiles* I am the all-powerful and now seemingly incredibly popular narrator!

Syvia- Thanks! ^_^ Next letter is from Fallen Templar. Hey, search me, I didn't know Nupraptor could speak it either.

Anamae- Maybe telepathy was how he learned it? And don't worry, we'll be happy to hurt Moebius. *evil grin* Next, from Raziel Valentine- Thankee! ^_^

Syvia- *sighs with a rueful grin and hugs her plushie* Yeah, yeah, yeah. :-b Next letter is from Venris-

Anamae- Syvia, enough GLOMPING! the readers. You'll kill one of them with your enthusiasm. All you do is glomp, glomp, glomp! Whatever happened to slapping them on the back?

Syvia- *pouts*

Anamae- And it was a team effort writing that last bit! You'd be amazed at how dirty this woman's mind is! *points at Syvia*

Syvia- Don't sell yourself short, hon. *smirks* Hmmm... I have no clue what their schedules are...the narrator is a busy being...

Anamae- We're sorry, Venris, but the narrator doesn't even have hands.

We can work something out! I'm free the next weekend!

Syvia- Oh? Okay. *shrugs* Wooo-hoo! Good bribe! ^_^ And Pez for the dispensers would be cool for the next chapter. :-D

Anamae- *plays with her Faustus Pez Dispenser* Thanks, Venris! Next, from Silveriss. Ohhh, so that's where you're from. ^_^ Very interesting. *blushes slightly* Isn't he a gentleman....

Syvia- *swats her* You're taken, remember? - We always like to be a distracting force! ^_^ *wide grin* Potential... I love potential. *evil grin*

Anamae- *grins* Next we have VladimirsAngel *in spite of Anamae's command, Syvia GLOMPS! VA* *Anamae sighs* Anyway, *lol* well, cuteness gets in there in spite of us.

Syvia- *grins* Ah yes, Vervain. Now he would have gotten a taste of the fazer. *both smirk* Heh, I kind of doubt that Nupraptor was ever that manly- but I like that image! ^_^ *pictures him falling down the stairs and screaming 'Head, shoulder, elbow!'*

Anamae- *grinning* Next we have a letter from The Cat of Fluff. *grins* Well we do love our smut. *cuddles the Seal of Approval*

And Anamae, Syvia and Bucky clapped for Nupraptor. :-D They both grinned at the review from Shady and Celadan.

Syvia- Silly, silly people! We love you just the way you are. :-p Thanks!

Anamae- Next review from Chalcedony Blue- ... that rhymed *smirk*

Syvia- *rolls eyes* Thanks!

They like me! They really like me!

Anamae- At least someone does.

Watch it, you... *glares* I have the uber-powers!

Syvia- Moving on. From Flute and Cat- *Syvia and Anamae read over the note and snicker* Thanks for the compliments and the interesting conversation!

Anamae- The stuff people write on MSN and AOL... *wide grin* Last review from Crystarr- *Anamae hog-ties Syvia before she can GLOMP! Crystarr* *bows* Thank you, thank you! I'll thank you again for Syvia, as she's tied up* *bows again, gets thrown into the wall as the carriage *BUMPS* again*

Syvia- *laughing* That's what you get. And you're welcome! A good fic can never have too much publicity! ^_^

Chapter 5

The Road to Ullischtch... Ulich... Ushitenhe- ahhh forget it...

Anamae- Okay, I just went over the details with Vorador and he's giving us horses so we can go to Janos and warn him about his impending doom, which won't be his impending doom after we warn him.

Syvia- So where are the horses?

Anamae- Out front.

So the two went out front, where two horses of questionable origin were waiting, packed down with food, clothing and travel necessities (Anamae- Hey look- my favorite skin cream! ^_^ ) for the long travel to Janos's fortress. Vorador waited out front with his numerous brides, looking very pleased with himself. The brides looked pretty pleased as well-

Anamae- Excuse me!

-Sorry, just adding a bit to the story. So after Vorador said goodbye to the girls, adding a very long and touching dialogue to Syvia which will not be re-said because it is too long and is in direct violation of Shakespeare's works, they got on the horses and were off.

Syvia- *sitting on her horse* Hey- I wanted to hear what he said to me.

Tough. I call the shots here!

Anamae- Bossy boots!

Keep it down girl, or else I'll show you a thing or two.

Anamae- I'm not afraid! *looks at the narrator* Do your worst!

Suddenly everyone shielded their eyes as a lightning bolt hit Anamae. They looked back at the girl to see her covered, chest to the top of her head, in soot, her hair sticking out at all angles.

Anamae- *coughs a little cloud of smoke* Fair enough. Okay then, you win this round...but the war is not over yet!

So they waved goodbye to the vampires and began riding, Anamae making use of the face creams and a bottle of Mousse to fix her face and hair after my lovely little lightning bolt. Hee hee hee...

Anamae- *once again her beautiful self* Aw shut up already!

Syvia- *eyes watering* Oh man... *pulls out a pill bottle & downs one*

Anamae- *suspiciously* What're those? You're not doing drugs, are you?

Syvia- What? No, *rolls eyes* weirdo. *nose wrinkled* They're allergy medication. I'm allergic to farm animals.

Anamae- *looks at the horse* They do kinda stink, don't they?

Syvia- Oh heck yeah. *pulls open a little plot hole, takes out a full-face gas mask, and puts it on*

Anamae- *looking at her friend with raised eyebrows* Um... okay.

Syvia- *muffled* Want to pick up the pace a little? *indicates the horses, who are moving at an easy walk*

Anamae- Sounds good to me. ... What happens if you don't take your allergy medicine?

Syvia- *muffled* The skin around my eyes gets red and so puffy that it's an effort to keep them open.

Anamae- Eeeeee... well that mask makes you look like an elephant woman. Dumbo wannabe!

Syvia- *muffled* Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get going.

They rode across the land, at a brisk pace, slowing down at times to eat the food Vorador's Brides had so kindly packed (which consisted of sandwiches, salads and some form of drink...Syvia couldn't eat her share because of the gas mask so Anamae didn't mind taking her food), or to kill a stray Sarafan Warrior that got in their way. After an indefinite amount of time (in which nothing important really happened) they arrived at... hey!

Syvia- *on her horse, beside Anamae's horse, both of which are running on a treadmill that's right in front of a revolving piece of scenery* What's wrong?

We just skipped a bunch of meaningless drivel in which I could have recited a sonnet about nothing! I wanted to read that meaningless drivel! And what's with the cartoon gag?

Syvia- Hey, if you can fry Anamae with a lightning bolt, we can have a fake piece of scenery.

*Syvia and Anamae slow the horses down, which slows the treadmill down. Bucky stops turning the crank which kept the revolving piece of scenery going and slumps against it, panting. The revolving scenery stops and eventually so do the horses.*

Syvia- This way we're at Ussty- Ustchy- Uschtenheim... *looks over at Anamae for confirmation* Uschtenheim?

Anamae- Does it matter?

Syvia- *shrugs* I guess not. *to the Narrator* It takes less travel time this way.

But where's the fun in efficiency?

Anamae- Oh we do it just to annoy you. *smiles sweetly and begins to laugh*

Grrrrrrrr....

Anamae- *sarcastically* Oooooh, whataya gonna do? You think you can beat me? Me, the wonderful and powerful comic relief Demon Hunter Anamae???

Syvia blanches (not that we can tell, what with her gas mask covering her face) and hastily pulls three Radiation suits out of one of her infamous plot holes. She turns into a miniature whirlwind, slapping the suits on both the horses, and lastly herself, pausing only long enough to let Bucky climb in.

Anamae- *haughtily* Aww, Syv, you're overreacting. Let the worst come!

Then a super nova exploded over their heads. We'll ignore the fact that such a phenomenon would have destroyed the entire planet (making Hash'ak'gik very happy) and just say that a *ahem* 'small' crater was formed under the two young women and their livestock.

Bucky- *from inside Syvia's radiation suit* Squeak squeaker squeak!

Sorry Bucky, you're not livestock. I apologize.

Bucky- *inside the suit* Squeak squeakity.

Syvia pulled off her Radiation helmet (but not her mask), completely unharmed, and found that they were in the center of a crater that was a mile in diameter, and everything inside it was now pitch black... including Anamae. Bucky climbed on her head and they both gasped at the sight of their friend.

Syvia- *still muffled* Are you alright!?

Bucky- Squeakin!?

Anamae- One of these days I'll learn to keep my mouth shut. *coughs, turns and shakes her finger at the Narrator* You're gonna get yours...

Heh... and who's gonna give it to me? You of all people? Oh I see, walking away are we? Chicken, chicken!!!! BWAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK!!!!

Syvia convinced Anamae not to answer that, and they continued riding to Uscht- Isht- Uuust- Whatever the place is called, (which, amazingly enough, was out of the blast radius).

Anamae- Well, here we are in the quaint little hamlet of Ulshic......screw whatever this town is damn well called!!! All we have to do is just go through the mountain passes and then to Janos' home. *looks at herself* And why am I always the one to get burnt, toasted, put to a crisp and other stuff?

Syvia- Hey, at least you don't have smut written about you.

Anamae- *silence... crickets chirp... then* I wouldn't mind that! Whatever... we'll stay here for the night *indicates a convenient inn* it has a stable. Then we'll get up bright and early to see Janos.

Bucky- Squeak?

The chipmunk obviously thought these two women became easily tired because even if they traveled on horses all day to reach their supposed important destination, they took all the time in the world to get there.

Anamae- Hey, Syvia also needs to rest. She's got the bad allergies. And I need to bathe.........again.

So the two girls, one covered in soot, the other wearing a gas mask and radiation suit, packed the horses (wearing radiation suits) into the stables, tying them down with duct tape so no one would steal them, then flounced into the inn as best as they could. It was pretty much empty, as people steered clear of this town with the unpronounceable name in order to avoid trying to say it. Syvia pulled off the gasmask...and her face wasn't all that hideous to look upon anymore. It could have been used as the girls secret weapon when they met up with the demons (hell it would have been enough to scare away even a gas demon-)

Syvia- WATCH IT!

But moving on...

Syvia- *looking at the innkeeper* I'd like a room for two.

Innkeeper- Alright, one it is.

Syvia- *confused* No, two.

Innkeeper- Lady, I'm correcting you. Unless you like having two beds to yourself or your carnal impulses with the chipmunk place you in need of two beds-

Bucky- *infuriated squeaking with many swear words that have not been put in because it would blow everyone's heads off* SQUEAKIY!

Syvia- How dare you insinuate such a thing! I am not like that at all! Anamae, tell them-

Syvia turned around to find that Anamae was not behind her. She wasn't in the common room or even in the inn itself anymore.

Syvia- *sighs and grimaces* Narrator, where did she go?

Innkeeper- *muttering to himself* I always get the weirdoes. Why me, why here? I'm just trying to live my life!

I can't tell you, Syvia. You'll have to go and explore the town itself.

Syvia- Why?

Because! Oh all right, I like you kid, so I'll give you a hint where Anamae went off too. *Syvia smiles happily* She found a guy she liked. I bet you can't guess.

Syvia- I have not the time nor the patience for games...

Innkeeper- *moving away from Syvia* I'll be over here, drinking suicidal amounts of beer and hoping you'll go away. *Bucky glared at him*

The innkeeper suddenly burst into flames and died.

Bucky- *grins* Squeak. (Thank you)

Syvia- *dangerous voice* Can you give me a hint on who Anamae has gone after?

The person's a he.

Syvia- *rolls eyes* Duh.

Long black hair.

Syvia- *takes a pad of paper and a pen out of her pocket. Begins writing down notes* Mmm-hmmm.

I guess you would say somewhat of a dashing, cutting figure. Hell, I'm a woman, but I'm not human so I wouldn't know-

Bucky- *reaches into a plot hole* Squeak! *hands Syvia a photo*

Syvia looked at the photo and smirked.

Syvia- I should have known.

Then without a backwards glance she turned, walked over the innkeeper's smouldering corpse and out the door....Hey! Waitaminute! I want to see that picture!

Syvia- *hands the pic to the narrator* I knew if Anamae saw him she'd go bonkers. Hell, everyone knew. I mean, Faustus, eh?

Well, you better hurry. At the moment Anamae in the middle of the town's square. She somehow cornered Faustus and is about to take him down for her own ---- and without a word Syvia and Bucky literally raced from the inn, burning foot prints behind them. The fire then destroyed the Inn, but to be frank, I don't give a crap. I'm looking forward to the next post!

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Anamae- *big grin* So am I!

Syvia: Of course you are, Anamae. This is me getting payback at you for what you wrote about me and Vorador.

Anamae: ....BRING IT ON THEN!!!

Of course!

Anamae: Not you narrator! *gets fried by another lightning bolt* You know, that is getting really old. You have to think of something new!!!