LoK Fluff Chapter 8: The Great Chipmunk Debate, a legacy of kain fanfic

Disclaimer: Previous disclaimers apply. We own ourselves, Bucky and the Narrator.

Author's Notes: *Anamae and Syvia are sitting in front of the odd-looking green-flame fireplace of the Hogwarts Potion Dungeon.*

Syvia- *sounding something like Vincent Price* Reviews?

Anamae- First from Satsuki- First from Satsuki- Why do you do this to me?
Seriously, why?

Syvia- Templar- Thanx and yep- the Vile one is really, really cheap.

Anamae- Wolfywoman- I will see my Fausty again, happily. Just not for a little while.

Syvia- Hello Rocker Baby ^_^ Ninjas are good for a party, but not when they're working for Moebius.

Anamae- *drools at the thong-wearing men* Now from Morbid Knight- Hello to you too! *winces* Uh... I hope you get that fixed soon...

Syvia- Hi again Bahamut :-p - oh... too true. Heyyyy- watch the language on reviews, Cornugon. We're keeping this thing PG-13, alright?

Anamae- *lol* Cookies to Discordia- who was the only one to notice! ^_^

Syvia- Bucky's transformation was an accident (my accident), but we ended up making a joke out of it. :-p Don't worry- Moby will feel more pain! We guarantee it.

Anamae- Now from Silveriss- *both bow, smile and thank her*

Syvia- We love you, hon! ^_^ Next review from The Cat of Fluff! *wide grin* I may deafen people through my potty mouth. :-D

Anamae- Last but not least, VladimirsAngel- *hugs from Syvia* Shhhh! Don't give Moebius hints!

Syvia- Thanks. :-D And now for the next chapter.

Chapter 8

The Great Chipmunk Debate and Fighting Sarafan

They ran along the mountain path of Ushten- oh, I give up. Which, on a good day, results in a 30 minute walk to Janos' retreat. Of course- something was about to go wrong.

Anamae- *indignantly, looking at the Narrator* Why?

Syvia- *grimacing* Because something always goes wrong.

Bucky chittered indignantly on Syvia's shoulder, agreeing with her. Anamae sighed in annoyance and they continued their brisk walk along the path. Suddenly Anamae put a hand on Syvia's shoulder, signaling to wait. She pointed to her ear, then forward, telling her companion to listen. Syvia-

Syvia- *in a terse whisper* Would have been able to hear if it hadn't been for a certain mouthy narrator who's talking too loud.

*softer* Sorry. Syvia stopped, and suddenly heard what Anamae had. There were voices up ahead. The girls moved to the side of the path and edged along the road so they could look upon the speakers unnoticed.

Anamae stood at the edge of the wall and carefully peered around. The Sarafan stood in a small encampment in a large section of the path. They watched as a Sarafan Captain briefed his men.

Captain- *lisping tone and waving his hands about in a feminine way* Alright girlies now here's the deal, the big cheese, the reason why we're all out here and not at home knitting booties for the child that's due in two weeks time. *gets a far off look in his eyes* Two girls, named Syvia and Anamae, both of extreme temperament and bad fashion taste, are trying to come and save Janos Audron. Now when you see them you have to hit them over the head with these trashcans. *holds up trashcans* They can stop them... or so we have reason to believe.

The Sarafan group laughed, only it wasn't the deep, manly laughter that some would expect. Nope, it was more tended towards the high pitched girly squealing, or at least a very bad imitation of it.

Syvia- *slapping her forehead* This is pathetic- we have to go through them? Tell me I'm dreaming!

Anamae- *hits Syvia over the head with a rolled-up newspaper*

Syvia- OUCH!

Anamae- Nope, you're not dreaming!

Syvia- They'll take up loads of our valuable time if we try to fight them, not to mention their high-pitched screaming is going to get on my nerves.

Well, the two decided what they could do. And then they hit upon a brilliant scheme, a plan that could not be ruined and was in fact bulletproof and foolproof!

Anamae- And the plan is?

I cannot say, I am the narrator!

Syvia- Why you little $@!$@$?%#%&#!&!!!

And uttering such obscene words, Syvia made the Sarafan patrol's heads blow up just like that!

Bucky- Squ..eak!

Damn straight, Bucky. Couldn't have said it better myself. And now without the guards in their way, the girls with the bad fashion taste continued on their way.

Anamae- HEY! I can't vouch for Syvia on this, but I happen to like my sports pants, black sneakers, black shirt and green trench coat! You can't get any better than this! *fixes glasses*

Whatever... *Anamae glares* Right! Last time I say anything like that!

So the two tiptoed through the blood and gore, careful not to get their sneakers dirty, and kept moving through the mountain path. But then-

Anamae- *annoyed* Something went wrong?

No. The two girls saw a familiar face. Anamae and Syvia looked up, around, did a full 360 in fact, and saw nothing.

Syvia- Okay, where's the familiar face?

Wait for it.

Anamae- How long are we going to be waiting? Is there time for lunch?

No.

Syvia- *tapping her foot on the ground* I'm getting bored.

Waiiiiiit for iiiiiiit-

Anamae & Syvia- OW!

Someone charged into them from the back and bowled both girls over in the snow. Bucky sat on Syvia's head and chittered in the way that only a squirrel... wait a second.

Soul Reaver Raziel- Yes?

Oh, not you, Raz- I meant the girls. Feel free to continue your quest for vengeance.

SR Raz- *waves goodbye and runs off*

Anamae- *to the narrator* What is it?

When did Bucky become a squirrel?

Anamae- *what the hell does that have to do with anything- face* What?

Well re-read the bit with you two in Vorador's mansion. Didn't Bucky start his existence in the fic as a chipmunk?

Anamae- *flipping back a few chapters* Why so he did...

We were both quiet for a few moments, pondering this turn of events, when suddenly, Syvia, who had been sitting there quietly all this time, shouted.

Syvia- ANAMAE!

Anamae- *jumps* What?!

Syvia pointed, distraught, at the path before them and the cloven footprints that marked the snow.

Syvia- That was Raziel!

Anamae- So?

*Clears throat* The narrator would like to take this time to point out that enormous SR2 spoilers are about to be revealed.

Anamae- As if we haven't already given away about half of the game.

Syvia chuckled softly.

Syvia- So Raziel goes to talk to Janos, and he opens up a way for the Sarafan to get up into the Retreat and kill him!

Anamae- What?!

Sarafan Raziel- Heyyyy, how did you two know that?

The girls turned around, pointed at the six Sarafan warriors and screamed. They looked at each other and screamed. Then I decided to cut out the screaming gag.

Syvia- Awww, but I liked the screaming gag.

My ears hurt.

Anamae- You have ears?

Sarafan Turel- Aren't we forgetting something?

Syvia- Like what?

Sarafan Raziel shook his head in amazement.

Sarafan Raz- Like the vampire-demon who's heart I'm supposed to rip out and who you're supposed to save from that grizzly fate?

Anamae- He's right.

Syvia- A first.

Anamae- Kill 'em?

Syvia- Raz's job.

Anamae- Bash 'em?

Syvia- The head?

Anamae- Which one?

Syvia- *grimaces* Be serious.

Anamae- Don't wanna!

Sarafan Zephon- CAN WE STOP WITH THE TWO-WORD CONVERSATION, PLEASE?

Both Girls- *smirking* HELL NO!

And with that the two pulled out sledgehammers and proceeded to bash the Sarafan senseless.

So Syvia was responsible for taking out Raziel, Turel and Rahab, while Anamae was stuck with Dumah, Zephon and Melchiah.

Syvia- Hey, no fair!

Anamae- What?

Syvia- You get two of the weakest ones while I'm stuck with the stronger ones!

Anamae- Hey, Dumah is more than a match for all these guys. If anything the narrator gave us a bad mix and match!

Sarafan Dumah- *puffing his chest out with pride* Why thank you!

Sarafan Turel- Hey, I thought I was the strongest!

Sarafan Raziel- No, I am! *the two begin to fight, bitch slapping each other until they roll off into the snow and off the edge of a cliff*

Sarafan Zephon- Did you just insult me?

Anamae- Yeah, I did!

Sarafan Zephon- That's it, I'm taking you out! *charges at her with his spear* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Well Anamae sure as hell couldn't move away fast enough and Syvia was trying to bop Rahab over the head with her sledgehammer so there was no help from there. Suddenly Melchiah kicked Zephon upside the head and sent him careening into the snow canyons below, following both Turel and Raziel who, yes, were still falling and managing to hit each other all the same.

Anamae- *clapping her hands* Alright, Melchiah! You saved my life!

Dumah- I could have done that!

Syvia- *turning away from Rahab, who has stopped attacking her because she gave him a cross-word puzzle* But you didn't. You just stood there! Some brave warrior you are!

Dumah- I am a brave warrior!

Anamae- Prove it.

Dumah- Alright then, I will! What daring feat would you like me to perform to show my bravery?

Syvia and Anamae grinned at each other; Bucky was helping Rahab and Melchiah solve the massive cross-word puzzle and as such did not see what was about to happen.

Anamae- Well Dumah, if you really are brave, then jump off the edge of the cliff after your brothers. *everyone looks at her strangely* I mean... battle brothers!!! Battle your brothers! That will show Syvia and me just how brave and strong you really are! *Syvia and Anamae bat their eyelashes at him*

Dumah- *blushing* Very well then!

Long story short, Dumah jumped off the edge of the cliff.

Syvia- Was that jump more of a swan dive or belly flop?

Anamae- I dunno. Dumah isn't very bright, is he? Strong and ruggedly handsome, yeah, but bright....God forgot to give him a full brain.

Syvia- I think we took care of the menace to Soul Reaver Raz and Janos quite well.

Girls, what about those two? *both look over at Melchiah and Rahab with the puzzle*

Syvia- They'll be busy for hours. And besides, I don't have the heart to beat up on them, when you think of what will happen in the next few centuries.

Anamae- Especially to Melchiah.

So the girls quickly continued on their way with Bucky the chipmunk/squirrel, leaving Rahab and Melchiah in the snowdrifts as they tried to solve the puzzle.

Rahab- 4 letter word, third letter I.

Melchiah- Skin?

Rahab- *agitated* What is it with you and skin?

Melchiah- *shrugs* I dunno. Okay, how about...

And somewhere in Janos' fortress, as he was doing his afternoon aerobics workout, the winged vampire paused and gave a slight shudder.

Janos- Great evil is coming this way...in the form of...2 inter-dimensional aliens...*considers everything*...eeh- I am well protected here!

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Syvia- Next we will actually... probably... get into Janos' fortress. :-D

Anamae- That's right- if you wanna hear about Janos' Porn Star T-shirt, fork over the reviews!

Syvia- Shh, don't tell them everything!

Anamae- Hey, I'm dropping little tidbits in advance so they'll be quicker with our ten reviews! And pink-

Syvia- *clamping a hand over Anamae's mouth* Don't listen to her, she doesn't know what she's talking about! *nervous smile* Review please. :-D