I'm pretty bored so I post a fic. It was written a while ago. I think I
have a tendency to post a fic after finishing it for some time. ^_^;;
Title: Decision
Author: Kurai Atreides
Timeline: After the Kyoto Arc, the end of the anime series
Rating: PG
Summary: A glance at Hisoka's and Tatsumi's feelings after the Kyoto Arc.
Decision
Kurosaki Hisoka watched the serene face of the sleeping Shinigami with mixed feelings. He nearly lost his amethyst-eyed partner in the latest mission in Kyoto.
Someone said one could never realize how much valuable a person is to him/her until he/she is going to lose or have completely lost that person.
Hisoka had just experienced the statement. He held no hesitation at all when he jumped right into the maddening flame wielded by the black snake god, Touda. His decision surpassed any reasoning or judgment at that time as his mind screamed only one thing.
He was not gonna lose this person! The one who had given his after-life being a new meaning!!
That alone was enough for his reasoning.
Tsuzuki Asato.his partner. He was more than willing to accept it now regardless of his reluctance when they first met.
Hisoka had to admit the fear of losing his partner still subsequently remained. Even though the event bestowed him the complete understanding of how much Tsuzuki meant to him, which he was grateful somehow, he never wished to experience it ever again.
While his thought was wondering about, the door was opened, slightly at first and then fully as the secretary of JuOuChou walked in.
"Kurosaki-kun."
Hisoka nodded gently at Tatsumi's greeting and set his gaze back at the sleeping form, hands still cradled in the sleeping Shinigami's larger ones. Tatsumi took a look at Tsuzuki, observing his state and then sat down on another available chair as the room fell into peaceful silence.
"How are things going?" asked Tatsumi after a short while.
"He woke up once for a moment and then fell asleep again. Some nightmares. Other than that, he seems ok," murmured the teenage Shinigami.
"I see." Tatsumi arranged his glasses. "What about you?"
Hisoka raised his gaze, settling it on the other Shinigami's face. "What about me?"
"I mean, are you ok?"
Realization permeated Hisoka, then. He was quite embarrassed to have let his emotion break loose in front of Tatsumi and Watari when they helped the two Shinigami's out of the burnt and nearly crumbled facility. He remembered he was hugging Tsuzuki tightly and constantly begging him not to leave him. He could recall nothing more afterwards and when he regained his consciousness, he was resting in a bed in a white room. The first thing he did was desperately look for Tsuzuki only to find that his partner just lied on the bed next to his.
"I guess." That was the most honest answer he could give at the time being. He also could not understand his emotion. He felt as if he were drifting, having no ground to set his feet on.
Tatsumi averted his eyesight to Tsuzuki, eyes softened. "I still don't know whether it is right to save him from there."
Hisoka was a bit startled that Tatsumi brought up that but he remained silent and just listened to what Tatsumi had to say.
"I mean, it seemed like it would be best to let him go. He looked so sad and tormented. I did think that it might be better if he died than if he had to suffer anymore. But then again, it might be just because of my cowardice and selfishness. It might be just that I didn't want to see him cry anymore. I might just want to protect myself from getting hurt again seeing him in such a state."
As an empath, Hisoka could feel the sadness lingering in Tatsumi's words although he barely knew Tatsumi's personal life and he sympathized him from whatever the senior Shinigami faced in the past.
"But for you, Kurosaki-kun.Well, it may seem to be arrogant of me to say this but I want to tell you something if you don't mind."
"Ok."
"Whomever Tsuzuki-san lives for, either you or himself, I believe it's his will to do so and it's his own decision he has made. That will to live was buried in the sealed case at the deepest of his mind the time he decided to die. All you have done is open that case, release that will of his and let it spread its wings. You've saved Tsuzuki-san from there. You didn't force him to live. You make him *want* to live by his own will. So, don't doubt your action or blame yourself for your selfishness. It's not selfishness. It's just that you care about him so much, Kurosaki-kun."
Perplexity was written all over Hisoka's face. Who would know that Tatsumi- san could also read others' minds?
Indeed, he did keep worrying about that. He asked himself whether it was for his sake or Tsuzuki's sake that he wanted Tsuzuki to live. The doubt of himself caused his thinking system to go in a loop. Sometimes, he was convinced to deny his selfishness. Sometimes, he was tempted to admit it. The only result was the continuing pain, no way out.
Apparently, Tatsumi knew what he thought because the man felt the same.
He was thankful to Tatsumi, though. "Thank you."
The secretary gave him a little smile. "Ok, I'm afraid I have to resume to my work now. I'm sorry that I can't keep you a company." He stood and walked towards the door.
"Tatsumi-san."
Tatsumi turned back at the call.
"Tsuzuki would understand, either why you intended to let him go at the first place or why you ended up saving him at the end."
The gentle look touched upon the normally stoic face. "I certainly hope so."
Unaware of it himself, Hisoka let out his smile.
~*~*~
End of Decision
Author's Note: I write this fic based on the thought that it's interesting to take a closer look at Hisoka's and Tatsumi's decisions in the Kyoto Arc. Even if their decisions were different, their reason was the same, that is, they care for Tsuzuki. For Tatsumi, he cares so much to let go. For Hisoka, he cares too much to let go. But Tsuzuki understands both of them for their actions. [Isn't Tsuzuki so understanding? Actually, I like him best in the series. Too bad he has so little appearance in this fic. He has much role in this fic in my feelings, though, by his being alone. =)] That's what it makes that particular event beautiful since it tells me these implications and somehow I can see them blame themselves and this short conversation between Hisoka and Tatsumi taking place during the recovery of Tsuzuki. At least, that's what I think. ^_^
Comments and Criticisms are appreciated.
Title: Decision
Author: Kurai Atreides
Timeline: After the Kyoto Arc, the end of the anime series
Rating: PG
Summary: A glance at Hisoka's and Tatsumi's feelings after the Kyoto Arc.
Decision
Kurosaki Hisoka watched the serene face of the sleeping Shinigami with mixed feelings. He nearly lost his amethyst-eyed partner in the latest mission in Kyoto.
Someone said one could never realize how much valuable a person is to him/her until he/she is going to lose or have completely lost that person.
Hisoka had just experienced the statement. He held no hesitation at all when he jumped right into the maddening flame wielded by the black snake god, Touda. His decision surpassed any reasoning or judgment at that time as his mind screamed only one thing.
He was not gonna lose this person! The one who had given his after-life being a new meaning!!
That alone was enough for his reasoning.
Tsuzuki Asato.his partner. He was more than willing to accept it now regardless of his reluctance when they first met.
Hisoka had to admit the fear of losing his partner still subsequently remained. Even though the event bestowed him the complete understanding of how much Tsuzuki meant to him, which he was grateful somehow, he never wished to experience it ever again.
While his thought was wondering about, the door was opened, slightly at first and then fully as the secretary of JuOuChou walked in.
"Kurosaki-kun."
Hisoka nodded gently at Tatsumi's greeting and set his gaze back at the sleeping form, hands still cradled in the sleeping Shinigami's larger ones. Tatsumi took a look at Tsuzuki, observing his state and then sat down on another available chair as the room fell into peaceful silence.
"How are things going?" asked Tatsumi after a short while.
"He woke up once for a moment and then fell asleep again. Some nightmares. Other than that, he seems ok," murmured the teenage Shinigami.
"I see." Tatsumi arranged his glasses. "What about you?"
Hisoka raised his gaze, settling it on the other Shinigami's face. "What about me?"
"I mean, are you ok?"
Realization permeated Hisoka, then. He was quite embarrassed to have let his emotion break loose in front of Tatsumi and Watari when they helped the two Shinigami's out of the burnt and nearly crumbled facility. He remembered he was hugging Tsuzuki tightly and constantly begging him not to leave him. He could recall nothing more afterwards and when he regained his consciousness, he was resting in a bed in a white room. The first thing he did was desperately look for Tsuzuki only to find that his partner just lied on the bed next to his.
"I guess." That was the most honest answer he could give at the time being. He also could not understand his emotion. He felt as if he were drifting, having no ground to set his feet on.
Tatsumi averted his eyesight to Tsuzuki, eyes softened. "I still don't know whether it is right to save him from there."
Hisoka was a bit startled that Tatsumi brought up that but he remained silent and just listened to what Tatsumi had to say.
"I mean, it seemed like it would be best to let him go. He looked so sad and tormented. I did think that it might be better if he died than if he had to suffer anymore. But then again, it might be just because of my cowardice and selfishness. It might be just that I didn't want to see him cry anymore. I might just want to protect myself from getting hurt again seeing him in such a state."
As an empath, Hisoka could feel the sadness lingering in Tatsumi's words although he barely knew Tatsumi's personal life and he sympathized him from whatever the senior Shinigami faced in the past.
"But for you, Kurosaki-kun.Well, it may seem to be arrogant of me to say this but I want to tell you something if you don't mind."
"Ok."
"Whomever Tsuzuki-san lives for, either you or himself, I believe it's his will to do so and it's his own decision he has made. That will to live was buried in the sealed case at the deepest of his mind the time he decided to die. All you have done is open that case, release that will of his and let it spread its wings. You've saved Tsuzuki-san from there. You didn't force him to live. You make him *want* to live by his own will. So, don't doubt your action or blame yourself for your selfishness. It's not selfishness. It's just that you care about him so much, Kurosaki-kun."
Perplexity was written all over Hisoka's face. Who would know that Tatsumi- san could also read others' minds?
Indeed, he did keep worrying about that. He asked himself whether it was for his sake or Tsuzuki's sake that he wanted Tsuzuki to live. The doubt of himself caused his thinking system to go in a loop. Sometimes, he was convinced to deny his selfishness. Sometimes, he was tempted to admit it. The only result was the continuing pain, no way out.
Apparently, Tatsumi knew what he thought because the man felt the same.
He was thankful to Tatsumi, though. "Thank you."
The secretary gave him a little smile. "Ok, I'm afraid I have to resume to my work now. I'm sorry that I can't keep you a company." He stood and walked towards the door.
"Tatsumi-san."
Tatsumi turned back at the call.
"Tsuzuki would understand, either why you intended to let him go at the first place or why you ended up saving him at the end."
The gentle look touched upon the normally stoic face. "I certainly hope so."
Unaware of it himself, Hisoka let out his smile.
~*~*~
End of Decision
Author's Note: I write this fic based on the thought that it's interesting to take a closer look at Hisoka's and Tatsumi's decisions in the Kyoto Arc. Even if their decisions were different, their reason was the same, that is, they care for Tsuzuki. For Tatsumi, he cares so much to let go. For Hisoka, he cares too much to let go. But Tsuzuki understands both of them for their actions. [Isn't Tsuzuki so understanding? Actually, I like him best in the series. Too bad he has so little appearance in this fic. He has much role in this fic in my feelings, though, by his being alone. =)] That's what it makes that particular event beautiful since it tells me these implications and somehow I can see them blame themselves and this short conversation between Hisoka and Tatsumi taking place during the recovery of Tsuzuki. At least, that's what I think. ^_^
Comments and Criticisms are appreciated.