____Pigskins!____

By: Joist

A/N- Sorry you had to wait so long guys! Really! I had major brain and writing-lag! GRR! But enjoy! Hope you guys actually find this funny (I don't), but I won't scare you guys off. Enjoy~!

~*~

three | the candy machine from TAMPAX! (more like: From HELL)

It was halftime for the football game, finally, and Kagome and Inuyasha were wondering why all the people around them were moving all the way across the field.

"You must stink of human," said Inuyasha, band-aids all over his face and arms. Hs nose was up in the air indignantly, looking anywhere but the onlookers scowling faces.

Kagome sighed. Why would she bother saying that everyone around there WAS human, and HE was probably the one that reeked of Feudal Japan? "Inuyasha, I'm going to go to the bathroom. DON'T YOU DARE MOVE," she growled menacingly.

"It's not MY fault my brother's a transsexual!" Inuyasha said heatedly, throwing his hair back to show the shining waves of silvery-white. A few people were blinded by the lights bouncing off his hair.

"He's not a transsexual!" Kagome said, and wondered why she was defending Sesshoumaru. I mean, after all, he HAD captured her in countless stories on fanfiction.net! Blast her friends for showing her that site! DARN THEM! Now she was paranoid... (Kagome: T-T)

Meanwhile, in the women's bathroom...

Sesshoumaru stood over the sink trying to get the last of the sticky, and now hard, yellow nacho cheese out of his hair. "Inuyasha will pay for this... He will pay for this dearly.." he growled under his breath.

A woman at the sink next to him noticed his low, grumbly voice and cocked her head (A/N- Not cuuuuute!). "'Scuse me hon, but your voice sounds AWFULLY low! Are you okay? Do you need a cough-drop, sweet-heart?"

Sesshoumaru went rigid, and stared at the lady mechanically. "I am MALE," he growled, "but they insisted I looked FEMALE so they stuck me in this FEMALE bathroom. But if a coughdrop is candy, then give me one." He stuck out his hand, glaring at the woman as if daring her to protest.

The woman blinked. "Ah...alright..." she said unsurely, and handed Sesshoumaru the whole bag of lemon, cherry, grape, and lime flavored cough drops. He snatched his hand away as soon as he felt the weight of it, ripped open the bag, and swallowed the contents.

//Joist: Thank kami-sama the cough drops were not individually wrapped, or our Sessy-kun would be in surgery right now. Let's all bow our heads down in respect. *bows* He you! Yeah you, the brunette girl in that comfy black, leather computer chair: I don't see you bowing!! *points*//

The lady said something about drug addicts, and left the bathroom as soon as she came. "Everyone's a drug addict these days! Can't go in ANY shop without finding some sort of...RASCAL...that's smoking or puffing the dragon!"

"Don't forget pettin' the tail babeh...." said Sesshoumaru in an un-Sesshoumaru-like voice. He had taken his tail/piece of fure from the wonderful big back pocket of his jeans, and was petting it in a damp, stinky corner, each eye becoming bloodshot and blinking at seperate times. His smile was crooked, and he tried standing up but swayed and fell against the wall - hitting his head on a metal box pinned to the wall. He looked at it.

"Heyyyyy...I'm priiiiiiiiiiiiiiity sure the MALE bathroom didn't have a CAAAAAAAAANDY MACHIIIIIINE..." he said in a strange, pulled-out voice and tried reading the labels.

"Wellp," he said lazily, and poking the box, "I guess this looooooong white thing is a lolly-pop.......and this flat white thing must be a........." he pondered, "a...a...another kind of candy..." He looked closely at another label. "This candy was brought to meeeeeeeeeeee by TAMPAX TAMPONS AND SANITARY NAPKINS!" he read triumphantly, and pointed his finger in the air in self-pride. "Look mommy, I can reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!"

Kagome pushed open the bathroom door, sighing and shaking her head, muttering about stupid demon-dogs, when she heard someone yelling about tampons....

"Another girl started...?" Kagome guessed, but was surprised when she realized who was speaking. "Oh...my...KAMI... SESSHOUMARU!!" Kagome exclaimed, running forward and taking the demon by the arm. "What are you doing! I thought you were trying to get back to the car! I thought you were going to destroy some city or something! But THIS? Oh my God, I don't think...I don't think I can continue living like this...!"

*pause for dramatics*

Sesshoumaru looked at Kagome. "Heeyyyyyyy, my main woman! Kagomaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy.... Wuz shakin', babeh?" he asked in a slurry voice.

Kagome blinked. "Huh?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer. "This candddddddyyyyy machiiiiiiine ain't given me no........." he hiccuped. "caaannnnnnndy.... MAKE IT GIVE ME CANDY KAGOME!!!! MAKE IT GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!"

Kagome twitched. "Sess-Sess-Sesshoumaru..?" She began backtracking towards the doorway. "Are you...are you feeling all right? And that's not candy...that's--" But she was cut off when Sesshoumaru rushed towards her, and held her by the shoulders.

"Don't you see, Kagome?" he asked in his regular voice. "This is all some evil diabalical plan of...dun dun dun...INUYASHA'S!! He wants to tear us apart, Kagome! I can't let that happen! I...I...I... I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!" And with that, he kissed her. And not just a small, shy little peck on the cheek (you expect that from FLUFFY-SAMA?). It was full-fledged. With tongues and everything!

Kagome's eyes opened wide, before she pulled away from Sesshoumaru and began running back towards Inuyasha.

::::::

And from above them, a small being watched and waited... And waited. And waited. And waited some more, until his final wait came...

"I was always the little sidekick," he murmured, "I was always the coward! Well, it's not my fault I'm little! I was born a good size! YOU ALL ARE JUST TOO DARN TALL!!" And it was silent until he struck again...

~*~

That was strange. Honestly, not even *I* saw that coming. And I wrote it!! _

Who is the 'evil sidekick'? Is it Miroku? Is it Sango? WHO IS IT!?!??!??

Kagome: I'unno. *hic*

Um. K. And I'm sorry that Sesshoumaru is so OOC!! I'll make it up to you all by making him a REALLLLY cool character in my serious fic: The Ties That Bind Us (read that, too!). Bye now! Review!