A/N: Ye ghodz! Yes, another one of my songfics that don't really have a decent plot! Mwahahaha!!! *sigh*
This one's D/H again, as may faithful readers know that I love this pairing to death. Oh well, read and review, okay?
à Dedicated to all the people out there, who, when you fall in love, you fall hard and fast and painfully… and when you hit the bottom, you think "Oh damn… I'll never get up again." Pure obsession. Luv yah! ß
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling, but all angst is mine. Blaugh!
Oh yeah, the song, "Breathing" belongs to the band Lifehouse.
*~*~* Breathing *~*~*
I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm going to do when I get there
"I can't take this anymore!" As Draco abruptly stood up from the Slytherin table, his clean plate clattered to the floor, making heads turn. Usually, Draco Malfoy enjoyed turning heads… but on a particular morning, when his obsession overflows, there's only one head he'd love to see turning in his direction.
Take a breath and hold on tight
Hermione Granger's.
Spin around one more time
Draco clutched his robes around him and stalked out of the Great Hall, abandoning his fellow Slytherins in the middle of their breakfast. "Damn them… they'll never understand." he thought as he passed a portrait of Salazar Slytherin… "no one will…"
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
But sooner or later… he had to face them again. He had to face her again. He walked alone, now, to the dungeons, to his public pride and private humiliation.
I am hanging on every word you say
He sat at the his desk, beside his bubbling cauldron, pretending to chop his acacia leaves, but really straining to catch the conversation going on across the room. Draco ran his fingers through his silver-blond hair, and sneaked a glance at the three Gryffindors arguing in a friendly way three desks away.
"Oh no! Harry, did you add the cattails?!"
"Uhm…yes?"
"Harry! You shouldn't have! Ron, get me some of-"
But though Draco was listening intently, he never found out what Ron was supposed to get, because at that moment, another voice rang out, cutting across the one he so wanted to hear.
"Potter! Weasley! Granger! Break it up! Potter, stay there. Weasley, beside Crabbe. Granger…" Snape's eyes swept over the room… and landed on his favorite pupil, who was feigning indifference, with his heart pounding wildly.
"Granger, beside Mister Malfoy."
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
Draco waited until she had finished banging her ingredients on his table, a small annoying smirk on his otherwise handsome face. "So, Granger, finished with the temper tantrum already? Because if you are, I'd like it if you added the next few elements into my Chortling Concoction for me… but don't get too close, I don't want any Mudblood microbes on me." Damn… I wasn't supposed to say that.
Hermione turned to him, frowning. "You know, Malfoy? I would really appreciate it if you simply left me alone and went your own way, because one more smart-arse remark from you and I'll seal your mouth shut with a little Stapling Spell of mine." She turned her back on him and began to count newt eyes into her cauldron.
Draco simply shrugged. "Have it your way, Granger."
That's alright, alright with me
Yes, Draco played it cool. Yes, he played it suave. But who would have guessed, that the tall, pale Slytherin sitting casually at the table and tossing ingredients carelessly at his cauldron was really in inner turmoil.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Every time she looked his way, every time she tucked her hair behind her ear… every time she told him off for adding the wrong kind of toad legs, his heart would race, and he had to fight very hard to keep from staring at her. Instead, he's reply scornfully, adding a glare or two for effect.
Potions ended too soon. As he aimlessly magicked his mortar and pestle into his bag, he let his mind wander… let his mind follow that Gryffindor girl walking out of the classroom door. If only she had stayed. The simple sound of her laugh works better on me than a thousand Cheering Charms…
Draco strolled out of the classroom, discreetly looking around for her… but the corridors were empty, and shaking his head, he walked off to Transfiguration.
I'm looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth
Later that evening, Draco stared up at the dark sky, blinking furiously at the stars studding it like sequins on black velvet. I bloody hate these Astronomy classes! Wake you up in the middle of the bloody night and drag out onto this freezing tower… He looked away from the telescope and glared around the tower. They were with the Ravenclaws, and that didn't help Draco's bad mood at all. "Bloody smart-arses." he spoke under his breath, adjusting his telescope, muttering against the clever Ravenclaws, who were already scribbling the answers to the difficult questiong Professor Sinsitra had assigned them.
Granger would have aced this friggin' exam… wish she was here.
And I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
Every day, he'd face her, put on a sneer, toss insinuating remarks in her direction… but relish every word she spoke to him, even if it was simply "Go away, Malfoy."
He savored every moment, every chance he got to get close to her, he took in her scent when she brushed past him in the crowded corridors, and in the rare times she was partnered with him for a project, he'd be in such a good mood that he would sometimes even forget to taunt Potter.
But she still didn't acknowledge his presence… more than a cold stare, or an occasional rebuttal to his jeers.
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
Draco had times of bleakness, too. Times when he's skip classes and lock himself in his dormitory, his head in his hands, wondering blankly about the whirl of emotions bubbling inside his heart.
He hated her… she was Potter's best friend… and a Mudblood, to top it all off.
No, he loved her, she was everything he ever needed and wanted.
No… he was simply obsessed.
All the emotions… these were days Draco wished fervently he couldn't feel anything anymore… this obsession was driving him mad.
And break these calluses off me
One more time
So many things were holding him back… his family name, his father, his reputation… his pride.
If only…
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
He was bound, by the family honor, and by himself, but for now…
For now, he will content himself with the fragments of sentences he overheard from her.
Even when they were cold and bitter, directed towards him.
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
He would content himself with the wizard photograph he had bullied off a younger Gryffindor… Golin Breevey, was it? In it was Hermione, her face smiling and warm… an expression she would probably never direct towards Draco.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
He was satisfied, for a while, by simply admiring every single aspect of her. Never was Draco so obsessed, that he would much rather sit at the library and watch her over a book, than go outside and practice Quidditch. Yes, he would risk his House pride… all for a Gryffindor.
Is where I want to be
Potter didn't suspect him. Neither did that Weasley. Come to think of it, why would anyone suspect him? Hermione Granger was the last person in earth, heaven and hell that Draco would fall madly, deeply in love with. It just shouldn't be in their destiny…
I don't want a thing from you
But destiny has a funny way of working things out at times…
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
Hermione didn't know. Draco had absolutely no idea what her reaction might be if she ever found out. Late at night, he'd dream that he would finally be able to confess it all… and she would fall into his arms…
I just want to be here now
But it just wasn't so.
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
Day in and day out… stare at her discreetly from across the room… and when she looks at you, glare right at her. When she walks past you, try to touch her, make it look like you simply brushed past her.
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
When she speaks to anyone, savor every word, the tone of her voice, the content of her speech… anything.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Take in every chance, everytime she's near you, breathe her in, watch how that curl on the side of her forehead falls gracefully down, take in her very essence…
Because you know, that no matter how hard you try, she'll never be this close ever again.
Is where I want to be
Draco's private hell lives on, catching every word that passes from her lips, admiring the way she walks, talks, breathes…
Every breath she took in, was Draco's own survival… for Draco lived for her, and for her alone.
I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be