No ownership of Invader Zim or any *cough cough* Looney Tunes characters that people may think of from reading this.

Sorry it took so long to update… I… am not good on the updatey.

…

Purple sighed, setting his head on his right hand. His left hand was trapped in Red's grip, sandwiched between the petting and the loving strokes. "Could you perhaps let go for a moment? I want my soda," Purple commented, waving off Red with his free hand.

"It's like touching silk," Red muttered as Purple yanked free long enough to grab the fountain cup in his narrow, stick-like green fingers. "So soft, so smooth… so perfect!"

Purple wasn't sure how much more of Red he could take. He sighed yet again as a shiny-eyed Red snuggled up to his neck and sniffed deeply. "Oh, I just love the way your bosom heaves when you take such deep, romantic breaths."

Purple narrowed his eyes at Red. "Never, EVER, refer to any part of my body as my 'bosom' again," Purple said menacingly. He leaned his head back against the royal throne, his antennae folding back against his neck. Perhaps he should have risked the lives of a few GOOD soldiers to fetch Red's antidote. The promises of being swept away to something called a Casba were driving poor Purple nuts.

Meanwhile, the soldiers he had picked were attempting to pitch camp for the night on the mountainside- and perhaps pitch one another right off the orange-yellow sand mountain. Tempers flared higher than the meager cook stove's flame.

"It's not my fault you two assigned me chef just because I'm the only woman here," Tak snorted as Zim and Skoodge hacked at the charred "meal" with hacksaws. They'd already damaged their machetes attempting to cut up Tak's intended appetizers.

"Perhaps I should cook the next meal," Skoodge offered shyly. "Well, I mean, I was always stuck on kitchen patrol back in training…"

"Fine!" Zim cried, throwing up his black-gloved hands. "I'd like to see anyone try and cook worse than Tak." She responded to that little comment by dumping a plate of hardened gray squares down the front of Zim's shirt before storming off to hide in her tent.

Shaking his head, Skoodge leaned closer to Zim. "You gotta be gentler with a lady, appreciate them. They like being fussed over and complimented, not told they're a miserable failure at femininity."

"You're telling your superior officer how to behave around his subordinates?" Zim fumed. "Are you asking to be demoted?"

Skoodge turned back to poking the dying fire with a long stick. "You can't demote me any further than you already have," he muttered. "Remember the first three hours of the trip?"

Back on the Massive, Purple stuck a puppet of himself around the corner of the hall he intended to go down, checking for potential Red infestations. Red took the bait, leaping out of apparent thin air to glomp the puppet in both arms, snuggling it to his chest as he rolled down the hallway.

He kissed and adored the poorly made puppet for a good minute before realizing it wasn't the real Purple. He rolled onto his side and grinned like a playful puppy, his sapphire eyes gleaming with a brilliant internal light.

Purple saw that gleam from his position halfway down the hall, where he'd been sneaking away as quietly as his hover belt made possible. He let out a weak "SQUEE!" and hovered for it, the bounding Red hot on his miniature heels.

"Come back, my love! I want to make sweet music with you! And then we make a little love, do a little dance to go with the music?" he called inquiringly at Purple's fleeing back.

Purple snatched a mug of soda from a passing solider. Turning quickly with cat-like grace in midair, he threw it across Red's face and chest. "Maybe that'll cool you down, lover boy," Purple called as he took off again, leaving the dripping Red behind.

Red looked down at his soda-soaked arms and chest. "Wet T-shirt contest! You are so kinky, Pur!" Red called as he continued to leap and bound down the hall like an enamored jackrabbit.

Purple frantically tried to enter his private chamber, but his panicked fingers couldn't hit the code buttons right. Red caught him and spun him around, pressing their faces together. "You're so cute when you're out of breath. You simply glow!"

"Th-thank you," Purple whimpered, eyes wide. Behind his back, his fingers continued to fumble at the number pad.

"Wanna see a new trick I learned? Pleeeeeeeeease?" Red begged, falling to his knees and gripping the hem of Purple's robe to his face.

Purple sighed, pulling the robe free of Red's grip before letting his arms drop limply to his sides. "All right, anything to make you quiet… err… happy."

"Oh you're so wonderful, you won't regret this!" Red cried, scrambling back to his feet. "Now, you stand right there, and…" Red backed up, whipping out a laser-bladed sword and spinning it on his long fingers.

Purple swallowed hard, his antennae flattening in fear. "Wait… do you really know what you're doing? I mean, really? I like my body in one piece, thank you very much."

Red giggled girlishly. "Oh, this trick is very exciting, and I've practiced it for hours to show it to you."

Purple shut his eyes in terror when Red swung the sword directly at his chest. After feeling a breeze go past him a few times and then nothing, Purple cautiously opened his lavender eyes.

Red stood smiling smugly, blade held by his hip. Purple looked around. "So… what did you do? What was your trick?"

Red grinned, his zipper-teeth flashing. "I watched Zorro!" Purple didn't have time to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean before his robe fell to bits and collapsed below his feet.

Purple shrieked loudly enough that Irkens on the other side of the Massive heard his cry. He clamped his hands over his important parts, face turning as red as his co-tallests' namesake.

He reached out and grasped Red's robe, ripping the lower part off and spinning Red in circles in the process. Purple wrapped the robe remnants around his waist, stuck his antennae in the air, finally managed to enter the code correctly, and huffed off into his room. The door slammed loudly shut behind him.

Red, left in his top and… questionable underwear… in the hall growled joyously as he snuggled against the door separating him from Purple. "He's so wonderful! He can't wait so he ripped my clothes off with desire!" He tried the handle, then frowned. "Oh, Pur… you left me in the hallway… Pur? Pur?"

Red settled down and crossed his arms over his chest. "Boy, is Pur gonna feel stupid when he realizes he forgot me out in the hallway."

Meanwhile, Purple collapsed onto his lace canopy bed, not even seeing the lavender and lilac shades that normally made him so comforted and warmly held. He couldn't get a moment's peace since Red had drunk that stupid potion. He wished he'd never laid eyes on it, let alone decided it would make a good present.

Purple pressed his face into the warm, soft pillows. "I want the old Red back. I miss my best friend, the one who would shoot me in the face with a laser, not try to nibble my antennae."

Purple rolled over onto his back, letting his head drop over the end of the bed. He moaned quietly, covering his burning eyes with his hands. Still, the feel of Red's mouth moving down the skinny, sensitive antennae was fresh in his mind. The way Red moved his long tongue…

Purple sat up violently, clutching the bottom half of the ruined robe across his lap. No… must not think of Red like that… must not… he threw the robe piece aside. It smelled like him, reminded Purple too much of him.

Kneeling before the window of his chamber and staring at the beautiful stars, Purple clasped his hands together and prayed for the safe return of the antidote-finding crew.

Back in the mountains, Tak spit out a mouthful of sand. The sandstorm had come upon them suddenly and strongly two hours prior, pelting the three little Irkens mercilessly. Without warning a gush pushed at her back and she fell.

The pans on his back clattering loudly, Skoodge rushed to Tak's side. "Zim, we've got to stop. We can't keep going like this, not in this storm!"

"If you're weak, you can be left behind!"

Skoodge's ruby eyes flashed dangerously, a frightening light Zim had never known before. "You can go on alone then. We and the supplies are taking a rest!" With that, he swept Tak into his arms and carried her behind a large, sheltering rock.

"Mutiny! Mutiny! I'll have you all court marshaled!" Zim screamed into the empty air. By that time, he'd filled his entire mouth with sand. Spitting it out, he finally put his head down and miserably followed Skoodge.

"I'm okay," Tak insisted, struggling to get up and walk on her own. She had her pride to think of as she pushed Skoodge away.

"You scraped your leg when you fell; I don't want it to get infected," he insisted, pressing a medicated pad against her bleeding wound. She winced but bit down on her tongue to avoid crying out and looking like she needed his assistance.

"Weak," Zim muttered, looking away from the pair. Skoodge moved away from Tak, his eyes downcast, and began working on setting up a cook fire.

"This isn't going to be easy," Skoodge sighed, leaning back on his haunches. "All the sand blowing in the flame is making it flare up dangerously."

"I'll see if I can find some stones to block the wind," Tak volunteered, wanting to show that her leg was fully functional. She slipped down the trail, leaving the two males alone.

Zim looked up from the boredom. His crimson eyes widened. His fingers reached up, curling around the flower and pulling it down. "Ha!" he cried, striking a pose as he held out the flower. " I found the antidote! The tallests will reward me and only me!"

Skoodge frowned. "The flower we need is white and purple. There are hundreds of those pink ones around and no, we can't paint it. You already asked that when we landed." Skoodge paused. "Think we should have left the SIR units guarding the ships?"

"I don't know about your SIR, but my advanced unit given especially to me by the tallests will guard the ship tirelessly day and night, eyes peeled!"

Back at the ships, the only GIR was interested in peeling was the petals off the pretty pink flowers blooming all around. He gobbled them down one by one.

MiMi and Skoodge's SIR simply stared at GIR. Without their masters to order them around, they were uncertain of how to act around the insane robot. They were certain of one thing on their own, however; GIR was creeping them out.

GIR turned back to the other two robots. His eye cams transformed themselves into little blue hearts. "You two are preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty," the little robot grinned.

MiMi and the SIR looked at one another, then let out high-pitched robot screams. They took off with the love-enamored GIR pursuing them, screaming out intentions of mechanical love and robot romance.

Zim threw the flower in the fire in anger. "Hey, you're going to mess up my cooking!" Skoodge cried angrily. Pink wisps of smoke began to rise from the fire. "Now look what you've done!" the two Irkens hissed in unison. Skoodge began to cough when the smoke reached his lungs, shutting his eyes and clenching his hurting chest.

Zim did the same as Skoodge, doubling over as his lungs felt like the fumes were burning inside them. Right at the same time, both males looked up and focused their eyes… on Tak, struggling up the hill with a pile of stones.

This is supposed to be continued… someone light a fire under me, okay? No wait, I'm afraid of fire… um… just… uh… I dunno. Nevermind.