Chapter 2 - Resourcefulness
*
"Why, Draco? Your father told you that you were too young!" Narcissa - my mother - who I never really loved, and who never really loved me back.
/I can't stay here, but I don't deserve to escape./
"I found a way." My voice isn't bitter, only hollow. The cell walls echo the sound.
/I would have followed you to hell, but instead, I sent you there.../
"It's tragic. Tragic! And your father.... you father..." If she had been any other mother, there would have been tears.
/Take me... Take me with you.../
I smile grimly and say nothing.
/At least I did one thing right.../
"You should die." She said bitterly, her true colours showing at last. "You can't even tell where your loyalties lie!"
/It's not my fault they took them away.../
"Then kill me."
/Do it, please, do it and end it./
"No. I want to see you suffer. I want to see you locked in Azkaban. Now, especially, that the dementors have returned."
/But I want to die... I want to die./
*
"Draco, come here." The voice was powerful, enthralling. I stepped towards my master in a bit of a haze, lost in his presence.
I stood before him, only slightly shorter, as his hot red eyes bored holes into my own grey owns.
"Your eyes..." He said slowly, lifting my chin with a light touch of his finger, "They are intriguing. Grey, and yet not. They don't seem to have a colour... Translucent. If I think about green, they appear green. If I think about blue, they appear blue. It pleases me that I can control your eye colour."
"As you control me, my Lord." I mumbled. I couldn't move.
"But do I? Sometimes... sometimes I wonder." He finally let go of my chin, "You are very selfish, and that troubles me..." He stopped, and walked over to the fireplace, gazing into the leaping flames.
"Do you love me, Draco?"
"Of course, my Lord." There was nothing else to say.
"No you don't. You don't love anyone. We are alike, Draco. We both do not know love. That makes us brothers."
"Yes, my Lord." It is times like these that remind me why I follow him. He knows me - cares if I live or die - even if no one else does.
"The final battle is about to begin. We shall be the victors, Draco, and then it will no longer matter that we are not loved."
"Yes, my Lord."
"But I have use for use before then." He paused, "One of my followers has been... straying. I am afraid he might do something quite stupid to warn our enemies of our attack... I need you to stop him for me. Do not kill him, I wish to do that myself."
"Yes, my Lord."
"Good. Be cunning, Draco, like I know you can."
"Of course, my Lord." I paused, "Who...?"
"Severus Snape. Stop Severus Snape."
*
"Mrs. Malfoy, your time is up. Mr. Malfoy has another visitor." The guard at the door had stepped in, and Narcissa shot me once last withering glare in my direction.
/Hate is such a natural thing in my world...It wasn't in yours./
The door closed shut.
/No, not you, I can't face you./
"I hate you." Hermione's voice - quavering, on the brink of tears. "I hate you."
/I deserve worse than that. I should be loathed.../
"Then why are you here?" The same hollow voice - my own.
/I've been torn apart, and I will never be whole again./
"You were there. I know you were." Hermione said quietly, "Even if you claim that you weren't, that you had nothing to do with it, I know you were. I don't care if you lie to the court. I don't care if you lie to everyone else. But don't lie to me. Where you there, or not?"
/It wasn't my fault, it wasn't, I swear.../
"I was there." My voice cracked, though I could hardly tell I had said anything.
/I was there... There at the gates of Hell. Only I didn't pass them./
"I knew... I knew... If you were there, you heard him. You heard his last words. You had too. You know them. Tell me. Now."
/'Draco, what are you doing?'/
"No."
/'Draco.. put it down...'/
"Tell me!!" Hermione cried.
/'Draco!!'/
"NO!" I scream back, then pause, when I see her turn pale, her mouth form a small thin line of rage. "I - I can't."
/I tried so hard to black it out.../
"Fine. Fine. I hope you rot." She stormed out, and the guard shut the door.
/But I already am rotting... Rotting and withering.../
*
"Draco." Snape said, almost spinning about. His hand was on the door, and I knew that he was sneaking away. All the Death Eaters were supposed to stay in the castle until the battle. And he was sneaking away.
"What are you doing?"
"My Lord has sent me on an - - "
"No he didn't."
Snape eyes narrowed, but I stood my ground. I knew how to do this. I had figured it out.
"What do you want?" Snape asked dangerously.
"I know what you do. I'm not stupid. Even if everyone else around here seems to be." It was treason, I knew, and I convinced myself that it wasn't true. But there was something...
Snape raised his eyebrow just a bit, so small a movement I almost missed it.
"What, exactly, do I do?"
"You think I'm stupid enough to say it here?" I hissed. "But I know why you do, too. I didn't, but... I see it now. I want to come with you."
"No."
From all the answers I had been expecting, he still gave me one that I wasn't.
"Sorry?"
"I said no. It's too dangerous."
"So?"
"So, you can't come. If I don't leave soon, the Dark Lord is going to send someone after me. I know he knows, so I have to leave. NOW."
This worried me. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. He was supposed to immediately try and save me.
"I can't stay!" I gave up my last card.
"What?"
"If I stay, he'll just kill me too." I said finally.
Snape paused, I knew he was being torn. I had done it.
"Then you'd better come." He said, and walked out the door. I followed.
*
/Even if you forgive me, I'll never forgive myself./
I looked at the stone walls of my cell, wondering when they would bring me out again for the rest of the trial.
/The trial that I should be watching from Death./
***
*
"Why, Draco? Your father told you that you were too young!" Narcissa - my mother - who I never really loved, and who never really loved me back.
/I can't stay here, but I don't deserve to escape./
"I found a way." My voice isn't bitter, only hollow. The cell walls echo the sound.
/I would have followed you to hell, but instead, I sent you there.../
"It's tragic. Tragic! And your father.... you father..." If she had been any other mother, there would have been tears.
/Take me... Take me with you.../
I smile grimly and say nothing.
/At least I did one thing right.../
"You should die." She said bitterly, her true colours showing at last. "You can't even tell where your loyalties lie!"
/It's not my fault they took them away.../
"Then kill me."
/Do it, please, do it and end it./
"No. I want to see you suffer. I want to see you locked in Azkaban. Now, especially, that the dementors have returned."
/But I want to die... I want to die./
*
"Draco, come here." The voice was powerful, enthralling. I stepped towards my master in a bit of a haze, lost in his presence.
I stood before him, only slightly shorter, as his hot red eyes bored holes into my own grey owns.
"Your eyes..." He said slowly, lifting my chin with a light touch of his finger, "They are intriguing. Grey, and yet not. They don't seem to have a colour... Translucent. If I think about green, they appear green. If I think about blue, they appear blue. It pleases me that I can control your eye colour."
"As you control me, my Lord." I mumbled. I couldn't move.
"But do I? Sometimes... sometimes I wonder." He finally let go of my chin, "You are very selfish, and that troubles me..." He stopped, and walked over to the fireplace, gazing into the leaping flames.
"Do you love me, Draco?"
"Of course, my Lord." There was nothing else to say.
"No you don't. You don't love anyone. We are alike, Draco. We both do not know love. That makes us brothers."
"Yes, my Lord." It is times like these that remind me why I follow him. He knows me - cares if I live or die - even if no one else does.
"The final battle is about to begin. We shall be the victors, Draco, and then it will no longer matter that we are not loved."
"Yes, my Lord."
"But I have use for use before then." He paused, "One of my followers has been... straying. I am afraid he might do something quite stupid to warn our enemies of our attack... I need you to stop him for me. Do not kill him, I wish to do that myself."
"Yes, my Lord."
"Good. Be cunning, Draco, like I know you can."
"Of course, my Lord." I paused, "Who...?"
"Severus Snape. Stop Severus Snape."
*
"Mrs. Malfoy, your time is up. Mr. Malfoy has another visitor." The guard at the door had stepped in, and Narcissa shot me once last withering glare in my direction.
/Hate is such a natural thing in my world...It wasn't in yours./
The door closed shut.
/No, not you, I can't face you./
"I hate you." Hermione's voice - quavering, on the brink of tears. "I hate you."
/I deserve worse than that. I should be loathed.../
"Then why are you here?" The same hollow voice - my own.
/I've been torn apart, and I will never be whole again./
"You were there. I know you were." Hermione said quietly, "Even if you claim that you weren't, that you had nothing to do with it, I know you were. I don't care if you lie to the court. I don't care if you lie to everyone else. But don't lie to me. Where you there, or not?"
/It wasn't my fault, it wasn't, I swear.../
"I was there." My voice cracked, though I could hardly tell I had said anything.
/I was there... There at the gates of Hell. Only I didn't pass them./
"I knew... I knew... If you were there, you heard him. You heard his last words. You had too. You know them. Tell me. Now."
/'Draco, what are you doing?'/
"No."
/'Draco.. put it down...'/
"Tell me!!" Hermione cried.
/'Draco!!'/
"NO!" I scream back, then pause, when I see her turn pale, her mouth form a small thin line of rage. "I - I can't."
/I tried so hard to black it out.../
"Fine. Fine. I hope you rot." She stormed out, and the guard shut the door.
/But I already am rotting... Rotting and withering.../
*
"Draco." Snape said, almost spinning about. His hand was on the door, and I knew that he was sneaking away. All the Death Eaters were supposed to stay in the castle until the battle. And he was sneaking away.
"What are you doing?"
"My Lord has sent me on an - - "
"No he didn't."
Snape eyes narrowed, but I stood my ground. I knew how to do this. I had figured it out.
"What do you want?" Snape asked dangerously.
"I know what you do. I'm not stupid. Even if everyone else around here seems to be." It was treason, I knew, and I convinced myself that it wasn't true. But there was something...
Snape raised his eyebrow just a bit, so small a movement I almost missed it.
"What, exactly, do I do?"
"You think I'm stupid enough to say it here?" I hissed. "But I know why you do, too. I didn't, but... I see it now. I want to come with you."
"No."
From all the answers I had been expecting, he still gave me one that I wasn't.
"Sorry?"
"I said no. It's too dangerous."
"So?"
"So, you can't come. If I don't leave soon, the Dark Lord is going to send someone after me. I know he knows, so I have to leave. NOW."
This worried me. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. He was supposed to immediately try and save me.
"I can't stay!" I gave up my last card.
"What?"
"If I stay, he'll just kill me too." I said finally.
Snape paused, I knew he was being torn. I had done it.
"Then you'd better come." He said, and walked out the door. I followed.
*
/Even if you forgive me, I'll never forgive myself./
I looked at the stone walls of my cell, wondering when they would bring me out again for the rest of the trial.
/The trial that I should be watching from Death./
***