Chapter 3 - Courage
*
"This court is now in session. We will hear the testimony from the defendant."
/Why even bother? They're going to kill me.... Just like I killed you./
I half stood, half was dragged, to stand before the Jury. A dozen witches and wizards, all looking at me with what one could only describe as pure hatred in their eyes.
/I was like you, once.../
"Mr. Malfoy, do you understand the charges placed against you?"
/I'm guilty before proven innocent.../
"Yes."
/I understand better than them.../
"Can you describe, in your own words, exactly what happened the night of December the tenth?"
/That was when the end began./
"When? I - - How many days before...?"
/I lost track of time long ago.../
"Two days before the Final Battle, Mr. Malfoy."
/Two days before Hell.../
*
I was tired, on a broom, and flying towards Hogwarts. Snape was flying before me, his normally graceful movements were made akward in the air. We had been flying for hours, and I knew we were getting close to Hogwarts.
I knew I couldn't stop him in the air. If he fell from his broom he would die, and the Dark Lord would not be pleased.
No, I had to wait, and lull him into a false sense of security. Then I would make my move. If I didn't wait, then he would still be suspicious of me, and overpower me if I tried anything. But I would wait. I could be patient enough, if I tried.
It was pitch black when he started to head to the ground again. I followed, and we landed in silence.
Snape looked at me, as if calculating one last time before believing that I was truly trustworthy. My scared and innocent look apparently worked, because he nodded once and started heading towards the castle again. I wasn't quite sure of how I would do this, but my mind was already planning it for me. Stun him, get him in a dungeon, lock it, question him.
It would be dangerous, but I wasn't afraid. The castle was empty of students, because the Order of the Pheonix had kicked them out. And most of them, according to the Dark Lord's spies, were out on scouting duties. So only a few of them would actually be within the castle. We probably wouldn't even be seen, and then I would be fighting against the Enemy within their own boarders. The thought brought a smirk to my lips. The Dark Lord would praise me for this. Reward me beyond any of his followers...
It happened quickly once we were inside. One soft cry of 'Stupefy!' while his back was turned, and he was on the ground. I floated him down to an abandoned dungeon, shuting the door and muttering a secure locking spell. It would take hours to get through that, and by that time I could escape through the small window at the top of the wall in the classroom - I had made sure to get a room with a view.
"Who's in there?"
I recognized that voice at once: Harry. I hadn't seen him for about a year, though I still tried to keep up my passionate hate for him.
Damn, I thought to myself, Damn. They must have wards set up to detect any spells. I woke up Snape with a quick mutter of a counter curse, after I was sure he was sufficiently tied to a chair.
"Tell Potter to get lost." I hissed into Snape's ear, holding my wand at his troat like a knife.
"Potter, Leave." Snape said calmly. He didn't look at me.
There was a pause.
"Severus, we've been waiting for you. The wards went off... You didn't hex anything, did you?" I frowned. Since when had Harry called Snape Severus?
"I did not hex anything." Snape said in the same calm tone.
"What are you doing in there?"
Snape looked at me, and I gave a glare in warning.
"I am doing nothing that would be of interest to you, Potter. Now, if you please, I would wish to be left to my privacy."
"I'm coming in."
I swore under my breath. He would check the lock - -
"Severus, why do you have a locking spell on this?"
"Say something plausible." I hissed. I hadn't thought this through enough, and it was all going wrong. My mind raced to find a way out.
"Because I enjoy them, Potter." Snape said sarcastically.
Then, in what was possibly the worse moment of the day, I heard Potter muttering the unlocking device. I never knew how he had known to unlock it, as it was the spell the Dark Lord had given us for such things. Then I remembered, Snape had been spying, and had probably told the entire Order of the Pheonix all the spell we had been using. In a sudden rush of rage, I swung my arm right into Snape head, causing him to fall forward onto the floor, chair still atatched. It was then that Potter walked in.
*
The tears were wet on my cheeks as I stopped talking, though I couldn't remember when I had started to cry.
/I never cried. Never. But I cry for you./
"Mr. Potter walked in when you hit Professor Snape?" The question had already been asked three times.
/No matter how long I talk, or how much I pray, there's nothing left.../
"Was Mr. Snape damaged physically in any way after this attack?"
/Your blood will always stain my hands. It never comes off./
"No." My voice was rough from crying. Though I didn't actually ever sob. Just leaked. "No, he was just knocked out."
/And I didn't care. I didn't want to care. And now it's too late to./
"What did you do after that?"
/My father always said crying was a weakness. And now I only prove to him that I'm weak.../
I turned my head, my chest hurt. I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want to think about any of it.
/I feel like I've been stabbed a thousand times over, and the pain only gets worse.../
"I will repeat my question only once, Mr. Malfoy, once. What did you do after that?"
/What did I do? I left everything behind. And Everything left me behind./
*
Harry looked different than I remembered. Older, more grown up. Over a year, I had let my hate build horrible pictures of him. Long, stretched face, sunken eyes, gruesome scar... But he was actually... well... handsome. Like a Renaissance painting. He had gotten rid of his horrible glasses, and his eyes, green as Adava Kedavra, shone because of it. I felt my face flush, hot with anger, just as it had several times in the past. Or had it?
"Malfoy." Somehow, no matter how hard I looked for it, there was no hate in his voice. But that wasn't right. I wanted him to hate me. He had to.
"Potter." I said, trying to stuff all the hate into one word that I could. But it felt fake... It felt fake, and I hated myself for it.
Snape groaned from his place on the floor, he must have been coming around. I didn't pay him any attention. And neither did Harry. We just both stood, looking at eachother.
My entire life at Hogwarts flashed before my eyes. Harry, a shrunken boy in a clothing shop. Harry, glaring over his glasses. Harry, running after a hexed Ron. After a hexed Hermione. Harry, triumphant with the snitch. With the remembrall.
But none of these were the Harry that I saw before me. Now he was worn, tired, old. He was only nineteen, like me, but he looked older. I supposed I must have looked older too. Everyone aged faster in that year.
"What are you doing?" It was with a low tone that he spoke, and it took a second or two for me to realise that he had actually spoken.
"What I need to do." I could have said something witty, but I was in trouble. I wasn't thinking about the conversation, I was thinking about the window, and how I was going to get to it without Potter jumping me.
"Malfoy, just stand still." He said, taking a step forward, his wand in his hand. I gripped mine, and took a step backward.
"Get away from me, Potter, or I'll make you regret it."
"Just let me help Severus, and then I'll take him and leave, alright? Then you can go. I won't tell anywhere you were here."
There was pity in his voice. Pity. I could feel the anger rise within me like a wave. I didn't care what he thought of me, but I didn't want his *pity*.
"Yes you will." I spat. "You'll be Harry the Hero once again. Catch yourself a Death Eater. Besides, I bet all your little muggle-loving friends are outside the door, just waiting to catch me and kill me without a thought."
Harry's cheeks tinged pink, I thought, but he didn't say anything for a while. Just raised a hand.
"I'm the only one here. Just let me take Snape, and I won't tell them about you. I won't even ask you a question about it. Just go, Draco."
It was odd, hearing my first name come from his mouth. It was unnatural. He struggled to say it, I knew. I don't know what it did, but it hit something. He said my name as if there was meaning behind it. As if there was a person behind it. This wasn't the Harry I knew. The Harry I knew hated me - I wanted him to hate me.
So I fled.
*
I don't know how it had happened, but I was curled up on the floor, my face burried into my knees, the chains around my ankles and hands weighing me down to the ground. I rocked, sobbing. I don't remember the last time I cried. I'm not even sure if I ever did.
/It hurts, it hurts.../
"Someone get him off the floor, for heaven sakes. He's in no state for any more questioning. This court is adjurned for a short recess."
/It burns, it burns.../
Hands came down, trying to pick me up. I screamed something, and flailed my arms, trying to return to my sobbing state.
/I am shattered. Broken. And my pieces are everywhere./
~*~
*
"This court is now in session. We will hear the testimony from the defendant."
/Why even bother? They're going to kill me.... Just like I killed you./
I half stood, half was dragged, to stand before the Jury. A dozen witches and wizards, all looking at me with what one could only describe as pure hatred in their eyes.
/I was like you, once.../
"Mr. Malfoy, do you understand the charges placed against you?"
/I'm guilty before proven innocent.../
"Yes."
/I understand better than them.../
"Can you describe, in your own words, exactly what happened the night of December the tenth?"
/That was when the end began./
"When? I - - How many days before...?"
/I lost track of time long ago.../
"Two days before the Final Battle, Mr. Malfoy."
/Two days before Hell.../
*
I was tired, on a broom, and flying towards Hogwarts. Snape was flying before me, his normally graceful movements were made akward in the air. We had been flying for hours, and I knew we were getting close to Hogwarts.
I knew I couldn't stop him in the air. If he fell from his broom he would die, and the Dark Lord would not be pleased.
No, I had to wait, and lull him into a false sense of security. Then I would make my move. If I didn't wait, then he would still be suspicious of me, and overpower me if I tried anything. But I would wait. I could be patient enough, if I tried.
It was pitch black when he started to head to the ground again. I followed, and we landed in silence.
Snape looked at me, as if calculating one last time before believing that I was truly trustworthy. My scared and innocent look apparently worked, because he nodded once and started heading towards the castle again. I wasn't quite sure of how I would do this, but my mind was already planning it for me. Stun him, get him in a dungeon, lock it, question him.
It would be dangerous, but I wasn't afraid. The castle was empty of students, because the Order of the Pheonix had kicked them out. And most of them, according to the Dark Lord's spies, were out on scouting duties. So only a few of them would actually be within the castle. We probably wouldn't even be seen, and then I would be fighting against the Enemy within their own boarders. The thought brought a smirk to my lips. The Dark Lord would praise me for this. Reward me beyond any of his followers...
It happened quickly once we were inside. One soft cry of 'Stupefy!' while his back was turned, and he was on the ground. I floated him down to an abandoned dungeon, shuting the door and muttering a secure locking spell. It would take hours to get through that, and by that time I could escape through the small window at the top of the wall in the classroom - I had made sure to get a room with a view.
"Who's in there?"
I recognized that voice at once: Harry. I hadn't seen him for about a year, though I still tried to keep up my passionate hate for him.
Damn, I thought to myself, Damn. They must have wards set up to detect any spells. I woke up Snape with a quick mutter of a counter curse, after I was sure he was sufficiently tied to a chair.
"Tell Potter to get lost." I hissed into Snape's ear, holding my wand at his troat like a knife.
"Potter, Leave." Snape said calmly. He didn't look at me.
There was a pause.
"Severus, we've been waiting for you. The wards went off... You didn't hex anything, did you?" I frowned. Since when had Harry called Snape Severus?
"I did not hex anything." Snape said in the same calm tone.
"What are you doing in there?"
Snape looked at me, and I gave a glare in warning.
"I am doing nothing that would be of interest to you, Potter. Now, if you please, I would wish to be left to my privacy."
"I'm coming in."
I swore under my breath. He would check the lock - -
"Severus, why do you have a locking spell on this?"
"Say something plausible." I hissed. I hadn't thought this through enough, and it was all going wrong. My mind raced to find a way out.
"Because I enjoy them, Potter." Snape said sarcastically.
Then, in what was possibly the worse moment of the day, I heard Potter muttering the unlocking device. I never knew how he had known to unlock it, as it was the spell the Dark Lord had given us for such things. Then I remembered, Snape had been spying, and had probably told the entire Order of the Pheonix all the spell we had been using. In a sudden rush of rage, I swung my arm right into Snape head, causing him to fall forward onto the floor, chair still atatched. It was then that Potter walked in.
*
The tears were wet on my cheeks as I stopped talking, though I couldn't remember when I had started to cry.
/I never cried. Never. But I cry for you./
"Mr. Potter walked in when you hit Professor Snape?" The question had already been asked three times.
/No matter how long I talk, or how much I pray, there's nothing left.../
"Was Mr. Snape damaged physically in any way after this attack?"
/Your blood will always stain my hands. It never comes off./
"No." My voice was rough from crying. Though I didn't actually ever sob. Just leaked. "No, he was just knocked out."
/And I didn't care. I didn't want to care. And now it's too late to./
"What did you do after that?"
/My father always said crying was a weakness. And now I only prove to him that I'm weak.../
I turned my head, my chest hurt. I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want to think about any of it.
/I feel like I've been stabbed a thousand times over, and the pain only gets worse.../
"I will repeat my question only once, Mr. Malfoy, once. What did you do after that?"
/What did I do? I left everything behind. And Everything left me behind./
*
Harry looked different than I remembered. Older, more grown up. Over a year, I had let my hate build horrible pictures of him. Long, stretched face, sunken eyes, gruesome scar... But he was actually... well... handsome. Like a Renaissance painting. He had gotten rid of his horrible glasses, and his eyes, green as Adava Kedavra, shone because of it. I felt my face flush, hot with anger, just as it had several times in the past. Or had it?
"Malfoy." Somehow, no matter how hard I looked for it, there was no hate in his voice. But that wasn't right. I wanted him to hate me. He had to.
"Potter." I said, trying to stuff all the hate into one word that I could. But it felt fake... It felt fake, and I hated myself for it.
Snape groaned from his place on the floor, he must have been coming around. I didn't pay him any attention. And neither did Harry. We just both stood, looking at eachother.
My entire life at Hogwarts flashed before my eyes. Harry, a shrunken boy in a clothing shop. Harry, glaring over his glasses. Harry, running after a hexed Ron. After a hexed Hermione. Harry, triumphant with the snitch. With the remembrall.
But none of these were the Harry that I saw before me. Now he was worn, tired, old. He was only nineteen, like me, but he looked older. I supposed I must have looked older too. Everyone aged faster in that year.
"What are you doing?" It was with a low tone that he spoke, and it took a second or two for me to realise that he had actually spoken.
"What I need to do." I could have said something witty, but I was in trouble. I wasn't thinking about the conversation, I was thinking about the window, and how I was going to get to it without Potter jumping me.
"Malfoy, just stand still." He said, taking a step forward, his wand in his hand. I gripped mine, and took a step backward.
"Get away from me, Potter, or I'll make you regret it."
"Just let me help Severus, and then I'll take him and leave, alright? Then you can go. I won't tell anywhere you were here."
There was pity in his voice. Pity. I could feel the anger rise within me like a wave. I didn't care what he thought of me, but I didn't want his *pity*.
"Yes you will." I spat. "You'll be Harry the Hero once again. Catch yourself a Death Eater. Besides, I bet all your little muggle-loving friends are outside the door, just waiting to catch me and kill me without a thought."
Harry's cheeks tinged pink, I thought, but he didn't say anything for a while. Just raised a hand.
"I'm the only one here. Just let me take Snape, and I won't tell them about you. I won't even ask you a question about it. Just go, Draco."
It was odd, hearing my first name come from his mouth. It was unnatural. He struggled to say it, I knew. I don't know what it did, but it hit something. He said my name as if there was meaning behind it. As if there was a person behind it. This wasn't the Harry I knew. The Harry I knew hated me - I wanted him to hate me.
So I fled.
*
I don't know how it had happened, but I was curled up on the floor, my face burried into my knees, the chains around my ankles and hands weighing me down to the ground. I rocked, sobbing. I don't remember the last time I cried. I'm not even sure if I ever did.
/It hurts, it hurts.../
"Someone get him off the floor, for heaven sakes. He's in no state for any more questioning. This court is adjurned for a short recess."
/It burns, it burns.../
Hands came down, trying to pick me up. I screamed something, and flailed my arms, trying to return to my sobbing state.
/I am shattered. Broken. And my pieces are everywhere./
~*~