IX.
It was very late when the meeting dispersed and Dumbledore had answered all of the questions. Severus was the last to leave. Albus glanced up at him, his blue eyes strangely tired. "Yes, Severus?"
He studied the ground for a moment before meeting the headmaster's gaze. "Do you truly believe that he is gone?"
Albus sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I was afraid that you were going to ask that, Severus. Please, sit."
Tensely, Snape allowed himself to sink into one of the chairs, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees. "Yes?"
"Voldemort was... is... a powerful wizard. Very powerful. But I do not need to tell you that. What I do need to tell you is that I do not believe that he is, as they say, dead and gone. He is gone for the present at least, and if he is truly alive, he is incredibly weak and unable to so much as return to his *devoted* followers." At his words, Severus cringed slightly. He had been one of those followers previously, and mention of his past still pained him terribly. "The Death Eaters have scattered, pursued closely by the best Ministry Aurors."
Snape froze. "Albus... they will do things to escape punishment. No one wishes to go to Azkaban, after all. They will... give names." All blood drained from his face at the prospect. He himself had been, until his departure, one of the better known among the crowd of Death Eaters. His name would be among those revealed to be Death Eaters. His door would be the one to be burst open by Aurors. He would be among those carted off to Azkaban to rot.
He trembled involuntarily. He had escaped the clutches of Voldemort, only to fall into the hands of the Aurors. Suddenly, he found Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, beside him. The bird nuzzled his arm with its head and looked up at him with deep, insightful eyes. Distractedly, he petted the creature, feeling strange calm suddenly coursing through his body.
"You are correct. The Death Eaters will name names, and do so eagerly rather than face Azkaban. But I can protect you, Severus. I can vouch for your good intentions, prove that you are not a Death Eater."
"But I was." His voice was whisper-soft. "Your claims won't be enough for them, Albus. They'll want me to suffer like those people did... like I made them." He swallowed hard. "I must request my leave."
Dumbledore rose. "Severus, surely not! I assure you that you will be safe here. I cannot protect you if you leave." The black-haired professor only shook his head, solid in his decision. "Cecil need her father, Severus."
He rose as well. "And she will have one. She will be coming with me when I leave."
He could tell that Albus wanted to protest, but if Dumbledore was anything, he was understanding. And he knew that Severus needed to leave, needed to face whatever destiny had in store for them. He had been hiding fifteen years. It had been long enough.
"I know what I'm risking, Albus. But Lucius will also be on the run from the Aurors. Surely he will not take the leisure to hunt me down as well. It's been a long time. I can hope that he has forgotten."
"Sometimes, hope is all we have."
Snape nodded. "And we must cling to it before it vanishes."
Albus extended his hand from behind his desk. "It has been my intense pleasure to work with you, Severus. We all feel the same."
He gave a crooked smile as he gripped the headmaster's hand. "Why do I somehow doubt that?"
He returned the smile "When will you be leaving us?"
"Tomorrow morning, before dawn if possible. Give the others my regards, won't you?"
"Of course." He tilted his head. "I'll find myself hard pressed to find a replacement Potions professor. Are you certain you cannot stay?"
"Not a moment longer."
"Then goodbye, Severus. You will be missed, whether or not you believe it. Give my love to Cecil. She had been an excellent student."
Snape nodded curtly and started to leave. At the door he turned "Thank you, Albus. For everything."
Dumbledore's eyes pierced him. "And thank you. Remember, you will never be unwelcome here, as long as I am headmaster."
"Thank you," he repeated softly, and was gone.
Severus slipped inside his chambers a few minutes later and knocked softly on Cecil's door. It took her a few moments to answer, and when he entered her room she was slowly sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes with a hand. She blinked up at him. "Dad?"
"Yes." He summoned a suitcase into the room and laid it on the foot of the bed. "You need to pack. We're leaving in the morning."
A yawn split wide her face. "Leaving? Why?"
"Don't ask questions," he snapped, then softened his tone. "I can't explain it all right now. Just please, do as I say."
She regarded him with large eyes, then nodded, asking no more questions for the remainder of the night and silently packed her things, her life.
* * *
True to his word, they had left the grounds of Hogwarts before the sun rose and before anyone else, save perhaps for Filch and his cat, were up. He didn't seem notice the slightly saddened look that Cecil gave to the familiar castle as they rode away from it on broomsticks, and she, of course, never said a word of complaint.
It was only on the train later that he realized that perhaps he had been a bit rushed in their departure. Cecil had, wordlessly, fallen asleep. As she slept, faint tears squeezed from beneath her eyelids and rolled down her cheeks. He looked away, ashamed with himself. Why hadn't he allowed her to say goodbye? It was the least that he could have done for her, the very least.
But it was too late now.
He gazed out the window at the rising sun. It wasn't safe to remain at Hogwarts any longer. People knew his name, would know where to find him once one of the captured Death Eaters named him as a follower. He was doing this for her own good... for their own good.
At least... he hoped that was the truth.
He rose from his seat to sit beside Cecil and reached out to brush away her tears. She woke slightly and turned to him, curling against him and resting her head against his chest. "Daddy," she murmured in her sleep. "I want to go home."
He winced at the words. "We are, love, we are." Just... a different home. A home where they would not be found.
A home where neither the Aurors nor Lucius Malfoy would come.
He glanced down at Cecil, her light brown hair falling across her face. How could he explain his reasons, tell her why they had to leave, to start again? He couldn't tell her... not the truth, at least.
And so there would be more lies. What was one more lie to the girl who was not his daughter? It was for her own good.
He would just keep telling himself that.
Then maybe one day he himself would believe it.
* * *
Notes: This took forever. *sigh* I need to stop writing so many chapter fics. Of course, my muse keeps giving me more ideas. Anyone want to borrow her for a while? Cause she's driving me insane.
Anyway. Thanks to all my reviewers, for putting up with me over the duration of this fic. I greatly appreciate it- you keep me going when I just want to trash this fic.
Look for more soon... well, relatively soon. Whatever. Finals are coming up, so I should probably abandon fic-writing for at least a week so I can study.
School just gets in the way, doesn't it?
It was very late when the meeting dispersed and Dumbledore had answered all of the questions. Severus was the last to leave. Albus glanced up at him, his blue eyes strangely tired. "Yes, Severus?"
He studied the ground for a moment before meeting the headmaster's gaze. "Do you truly believe that he is gone?"
Albus sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I was afraid that you were going to ask that, Severus. Please, sit."
Tensely, Snape allowed himself to sink into one of the chairs, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees. "Yes?"
"Voldemort was... is... a powerful wizard. Very powerful. But I do not need to tell you that. What I do need to tell you is that I do not believe that he is, as they say, dead and gone. He is gone for the present at least, and if he is truly alive, he is incredibly weak and unable to so much as return to his *devoted* followers." At his words, Severus cringed slightly. He had been one of those followers previously, and mention of his past still pained him terribly. "The Death Eaters have scattered, pursued closely by the best Ministry Aurors."
Snape froze. "Albus... they will do things to escape punishment. No one wishes to go to Azkaban, after all. They will... give names." All blood drained from his face at the prospect. He himself had been, until his departure, one of the better known among the crowd of Death Eaters. His name would be among those revealed to be Death Eaters. His door would be the one to be burst open by Aurors. He would be among those carted off to Azkaban to rot.
He trembled involuntarily. He had escaped the clutches of Voldemort, only to fall into the hands of the Aurors. Suddenly, he found Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, beside him. The bird nuzzled his arm with its head and looked up at him with deep, insightful eyes. Distractedly, he petted the creature, feeling strange calm suddenly coursing through his body.
"You are correct. The Death Eaters will name names, and do so eagerly rather than face Azkaban. But I can protect you, Severus. I can vouch for your good intentions, prove that you are not a Death Eater."
"But I was." His voice was whisper-soft. "Your claims won't be enough for them, Albus. They'll want me to suffer like those people did... like I made them." He swallowed hard. "I must request my leave."
Dumbledore rose. "Severus, surely not! I assure you that you will be safe here. I cannot protect you if you leave." The black-haired professor only shook his head, solid in his decision. "Cecil need her father, Severus."
He rose as well. "And she will have one. She will be coming with me when I leave."
He could tell that Albus wanted to protest, but if Dumbledore was anything, he was understanding. And he knew that Severus needed to leave, needed to face whatever destiny had in store for them. He had been hiding fifteen years. It had been long enough.
"I know what I'm risking, Albus. But Lucius will also be on the run from the Aurors. Surely he will not take the leisure to hunt me down as well. It's been a long time. I can hope that he has forgotten."
"Sometimes, hope is all we have."
Snape nodded. "And we must cling to it before it vanishes."
Albus extended his hand from behind his desk. "It has been my intense pleasure to work with you, Severus. We all feel the same."
He gave a crooked smile as he gripped the headmaster's hand. "Why do I somehow doubt that?"
He returned the smile "When will you be leaving us?"
"Tomorrow morning, before dawn if possible. Give the others my regards, won't you?"
"Of course." He tilted his head. "I'll find myself hard pressed to find a replacement Potions professor. Are you certain you cannot stay?"
"Not a moment longer."
"Then goodbye, Severus. You will be missed, whether or not you believe it. Give my love to Cecil. She had been an excellent student."
Snape nodded curtly and started to leave. At the door he turned "Thank you, Albus. For everything."
Dumbledore's eyes pierced him. "And thank you. Remember, you will never be unwelcome here, as long as I am headmaster."
"Thank you," he repeated softly, and was gone.
Severus slipped inside his chambers a few minutes later and knocked softly on Cecil's door. It took her a few moments to answer, and when he entered her room she was slowly sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes with a hand. She blinked up at him. "Dad?"
"Yes." He summoned a suitcase into the room and laid it on the foot of the bed. "You need to pack. We're leaving in the morning."
A yawn split wide her face. "Leaving? Why?"
"Don't ask questions," he snapped, then softened his tone. "I can't explain it all right now. Just please, do as I say."
She regarded him with large eyes, then nodded, asking no more questions for the remainder of the night and silently packed her things, her life.
* * *
True to his word, they had left the grounds of Hogwarts before the sun rose and before anyone else, save perhaps for Filch and his cat, were up. He didn't seem notice the slightly saddened look that Cecil gave to the familiar castle as they rode away from it on broomsticks, and she, of course, never said a word of complaint.
It was only on the train later that he realized that perhaps he had been a bit rushed in their departure. Cecil had, wordlessly, fallen asleep. As she slept, faint tears squeezed from beneath her eyelids and rolled down her cheeks. He looked away, ashamed with himself. Why hadn't he allowed her to say goodbye? It was the least that he could have done for her, the very least.
But it was too late now.
He gazed out the window at the rising sun. It wasn't safe to remain at Hogwarts any longer. People knew his name, would know where to find him once one of the captured Death Eaters named him as a follower. He was doing this for her own good... for their own good.
At least... he hoped that was the truth.
He rose from his seat to sit beside Cecil and reached out to brush away her tears. She woke slightly and turned to him, curling against him and resting her head against his chest. "Daddy," she murmured in her sleep. "I want to go home."
He winced at the words. "We are, love, we are." Just... a different home. A home where they would not be found.
A home where neither the Aurors nor Lucius Malfoy would come.
He glanced down at Cecil, her light brown hair falling across her face. How could he explain his reasons, tell her why they had to leave, to start again? He couldn't tell her... not the truth, at least.
And so there would be more lies. What was one more lie to the girl who was not his daughter? It was for her own good.
He would just keep telling himself that.
Then maybe one day he himself would believe it.
* * *
Notes: This took forever. *sigh* I need to stop writing so many chapter fics. Of course, my muse keeps giving me more ideas. Anyone want to borrow her for a while? Cause she's driving me insane.
Anyway. Thanks to all my reviewers, for putting up with me over the duration of this fic. I greatly appreciate it- you keep me going when I just want to trash this fic.
Look for more soon... well, relatively soon. Whatever. Finals are coming up, so I should probably abandon fic-writing for at least a week so I can study.
School just gets in the way, doesn't it?