Chapter 1 – Wisdom
"Severus, wake up. You missed breakfast."
/It's too damned early…/
"I don't want to wake up, Minerva, I want to sleep. Now leave me alone."
/There's no point in ever getting up again./
She pulled me off the couch before I even knew what was happening, to land with a thump on the floor.
/Leave me alone… Alone./
"Your class starts in half an hour. Do you want me to fire you?"
/Fine, it'd be better than this anyway./
"No." I mumbled it. She hauled me to my feet.
/Let me go back to the black box…/
"Come on. Look, you didn't even undress last night! What's going on with you?"
/My box…my dark… my home…/
"Nothing. Nothing, I'm fine. Let me go."
/I'm such a liar. And I don't care./
*
I let myself in, as usual. He had picked another random candy from his desk as his password. I always told him that if he kept doing that, first years would be able to get into his office, but as usual, he never listened to me.
"Ah, Severus. Yes, I was expecting you." His eyes twinkled at me as he smiled, but I kept the scowl on my face. That way he'd never know what I was actually feeling. Something that I enjoyed knowing I had control over.
"Headmaster." I dipped my head a little, and looked over him severely with my eyes. His age was beginning to become clearer – a bad sign.
"And how are you? Sit down, sit down, and stop standing. It makes you scowl worse."
I sat down, but to prove him wrong, I scowled harder. This made him laugh.
"I'm fine, Headmaster."
"Good… If, of course, that is the truth…" He looked at me over half moon glasses, "Which I suspect it is not."
I said nothing, but my hand almost went to my left arm. Almost.
"Now, there is a reason, I presume, that you have come?"
"I have just returned from the circle." I got to the point.
"Ah." The Headmaster leaned back in his chair, still looking at me. "And?"
I turned my eyes to one of the sleeping portraits. "We are finalizing the date of attack… Our next meeting is scheduled a week from now. I'm afraid that it might be… hard… for me to get away after that."
The Headmaster nodded earnestly. "Yes, yes, I was afraid of that. Do you have any idea of when…?"
"No more than a month. The Dark Lord is restless."
Again, the Headmaster nodded. I looked at him, my eyes narrowed slightly. He had more to say, he always did, but I had to be patient and wait for him to get on with it. Bugger.
"And… your students, Severus?"
My muscles stiffened slightly.
"Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson and Zabini and gone." My voice was stiff. "I have a feeling that at least Malfoy will be joining them within the week…"
"That would be… most unfortunate." He sighed heavily. "Is there any way you might be able to stop any of them?"
"No. I could talk to them, but it might endanger my position to say too much." Or to beg them not to go.
"Yes, yes, of course. We would not want harm to come to you…"
I said nothing.
"Very well. You may go." I stood up, and walked swiftly to the door, before he spoke again, "Oh, wait, one last thing."
I turned to look at him.
"I am afraid that there might be some trouble for Harry… If you could keep an eye on him Severus, I would be most thankful."
I scowled and cocked an eyebrow – words were not needed. The Headmaster looked tired and heavy.
"He needs our help, Severus, and I think that your knowledge of what we are about to face will be the most useful to him. This, I fear, will be his battle. Help him with it, Severus. He cannot do this alone."
I nodded curtly once, and fled.
*
/He always seemed to be right… But I was too late./
"Turn to page 491 in your textbooks, please." My voice. Normal sounding – fake.
/I let him die… and I let you die./
I watched the students at their desks. So many of those tables were empty.
/But I can see your bloodied shadow … your ghost./
Someone was weeping. That happened all too often, these days.
/That tick by… one… two… three months, now./
*
"But I didn't do anything, Professor!" Ugh, how I hated his whine.
"Detention, Mr. Potter, and if you aren't careful, I shall take fifty points from Gryffindor as well."
That shut him up.
He glared defiantly at me from his seat as the rest of the class filtered their way out, talking in whispers and hushed voices. I ignored them, dipping my quill once and continuing to mark an ill-prepared essay.
"Well?" Potter – Harry – snapped, still glaring. I looked up and returned the stare.
"Shut the door."
With a little reluctance, he finally did so. I set down my quill, folded my arms across my chest, and glared at him.
"Headmaster Dumbledore has decided that you will need to be informed of work, and my discoveries therein." Getting to the point was always the best, as it caused less argument and took less time – I did not want to spend my entire afternoon with the Brat that Still Lives.
Harry's eyes widened, but only very slightly. Then he frowned.
"Why?"
Questions, always questions. "Because he thinks that you need to know." Frankly, it was my way of telling him that I had no idea in hell, but I'd have to be in hell to admit that.
"Go on, then." Apparently, he as well did not want to waste any time.
"As you already know, I was a Death Eater. I don't know whether Professor Dumbledore informed you or not when I resumed those duties."
He didn't move or give any hint whether he knew or not – one thing I had to commend him for, at least.
"He is planning to attack the school. It should come within a month, and it will be harsh. Perhaps the Headmaster thought it best to make sure you are prepared."
Harry gave a little bit of a shiver, which prompted me to smirk. So I did know things that he didn't, still. Good.
"What are we going to do?"
I wasn't prepared for the helplessness in his voice. I was used to the whine, to the bark, to everything else, but not this. I frowned deeply.
"I don't know." I replied truthfully. Normally, I would never have said that. But just then, I did.
He nodded solemnly, and when I said no more he took it as a dismissal, and stood. I said nothing as he left.
*
/How could I have known?/
I watched as the students filed out, running a hand through my hair. My temples were grey, where they had been black half a year before.
/I should have known, but I couldn't have known./
The tears were always in my eyes. Threatening to fall, yet never doing so. I was used to them, now.
/Too used… Much too used./
*