Chapter 2 – Determination
*
/I was the martyr. I was. Not you./
"Severus, would you please at least pretend you're paying attention?"
/You took it from me…/
"I am paying attention." That seemed to satisfy her. I hate Staff meetings, anyway.
/It was my destiny – mine./
I looked out the window, half hearing the discussion. It was snowing.
/Alive without breath… Cold as death…/
*
"Welcome, my loyal followers." The Dark Lord spread his arms wide, smiling, with red eyes unblinking. It sent a shiver down my spine, but I didn't move. I dared not move.
There were so many more masked figures now. Twice as many as the first meeting. And they were ready.
"I have – important – news." The Dark Lord continued. The silence was thick on the gathering. "Unfortunately, it was necessary to deceive you all. I had suspicions that there was a… traitor… in our midst."
My eyes widened, and felt suddenly glad that I was wearing a mask. It took all my will power not to shake – I knew at that moment that my cover was blown. But I would not blow it further. It could be possible that I would leave alive…
"I had told you that we would soon be ready to attack – I lied. But I see that it was not in vain. For, as you have all seen, Dumbledore is preparing for war! I wonder, then, who the little bird on his shoulder might be?" I forced my nerves to calm.
Add four lacewing flies, stir until a deep maroon colour… Potions was the only thing to keep my mind calm, and it did it's job well.
"I am not sure yet." The Dark Lord said, his voice darkening as he spoke, "But rest assured that I will. Be careful, little bird, I'll find you out soon."
"And what will you do to the bird, my Lord?" Asked one of the masked figures. He sounded young – probably one of my own students, fleeing from school.
The Dark Lord smiled maliciously. "Why, crush him, of course. It cannot live, at least. And you can be sure that I will crush him, my loyal followers, very, very soon."
He grinned, yellow teeth in the lingering dark.
"You are dismissed."
I fled.
*
"Severus, I'm concerned about you, that's all."
/Just leave me be. Alone, alone…/
"Well you shouldn't be." I snapped. She was a nosy old badger, anyway.
/We are lost… And we can never go home./
"You must understand, Severus, that at this rate I may have to remove you from your duties. You wouldn't be a teacher anymore."
/There's nothing worth teaching, anyway. Not anymore./
I dug my knuckles into my fist, saying nothing.
/But you can't take that away…/
"Is that what you want? Do you want to retire?"
/They took everything else away already./
"No."
/You can't take this…/
McGonagall sighed. "Then shape up, Severus."
/It's all I have left. All I have left./
*
I looked in the mirror, peering at my temples, a scowl on my face. Just turned 40, and my temples were grey already. It was probably Potter's fault. I wouldn't be grey if Dumbledore hadn't let him stay. Besides, he was the worst Quidditch teacher I had ever seen. I knew giving him the job was only an excuse to keep him close. I had always known.
A hurried knock on the door caused me to grumble and open it. Potter stood there, and I swear I felt another one of my hairs magically turn grey.
"What?" I scowled. I hadn't even had my coffee.
"Sev, you have to come. Albus - - come on, hurry." I was about to reprimand him for calling me Sev (he did it purely because he knew I hated it), but his hand grabbed my sleeve and immediately started pulling me forward.
"Alright!" I snapped, "Let go! I'm coming."
He did as I asked, and started to half-run down the corridor. I scowled, and quickened my long stride to keep up.
"What is this about, Potter?"
"It's Albus…" He said breathlessly, "I don't know what's wrong… He's… flailing. Fighting the air… I don't know where Minerva is, and I thought you might - -"
By this point, I had increased my stride so much that I almost was running myself, my eyes wide.
"Where is he?" I asked – snapping – as we came to the stairs.
"Outside." Pott- - - Harry replied quietly.
I leapt up the stairs and pushed myself through the doors, and saw him. I broke into a run.
Dumbledore was indeed flailing. His wand was in his hand, and a rusty sword that I remembered having seen hanging on the wall of his office was in the other. He was shouting in Latin, lunging at his invisible foe with his sword, then shouting a curse and sending it off with his wand.
"On Merlin's mercy…" I said silently, running forward. "Albus! Albus! Stop!"
He did stop, for a second or two, to look at me, his eyes misted over slightly and wild.
"Get back, Severus, or he'll kill you two." He said quietly, and then lunged at his foe again – to stop stiff in the air. He croaked, and started to fall, but I caught him before he hit the ground.
His misty eyes caught mine, and I knew. I knew before he said anything, before anything happened, I knew that he was leaving us. I heard a choked sob, but didn't realize for a few seconds that it was mine.
"There. It's done. He's gone, Severus. Grindelwald's gone."
I said nothing, though another choked sob tried to make it's way from my throat. Not much got through.
"That's odd…" Albus said so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear it, "It's very dark… I think I shall have to go, Severus."
"No." It was more of a sob than a word.
"Farwell, old friend…" His eyes closed.
It started to snow, but I didn't really notice. Clutching the withered old body to my breast, I sat there. And I don't remember for how long.
*
/I could have done something… done anything./
The walls of my room were dark – so very dark. Why I lived in a dungeon, I couldn't remember anymore.
/Because all the light is gone, anyway./
**