Dally nodded. He'd won and I'd cracked. I wanted to cut so badly that I could barely stand it.
"Don't even think about it," Dally said, noticing my glances in the direction of the bathroom.
"I'll be careful," I begged. Dally looked so angry I was afraid he'd hit me or something.
"Watch her," he told Soda before leaving. I punched the wall over and over until they pulled me away. I didn't cry. I still couldn't without cutting even when my fists were bruised and bloody. I was too sad. Sad; such an inadequate word to describe how I felt yet it's the closest I can get.
Soda made room for me on the couch and turned the T.V. on. I curled up under a nearby blanket and tried, unsuccessfully, to forget everything. Dally came back what seemed like hours but could have been minutes, seconds, or days later for all I cared at the time. Soda slid closer to me when he saw Dally's cold face.
"I asked around, Rayne, and it seems like the police are looking for you," he said in that cold voice I'd always hated.
"Yeah, I left," I replied. The police were the least of my worries. My own mind was what tortured me the most. It's amazing to me how much more pain you can cause yourself than others could ever cause. I kept replaying the scene of their death with a morbid fascination that frightened me. I wanted to pinpoint the exact moment their spirit left their body and their facial expression at that moment.
"So…we still going to that movie?" Soda asked.
"Why not?" Dally asked, seemingly surprised.
"Because," Soda said glancing at me.
I fidgeted. I did not like the attention I was receiving. I was used to being as unnoticeable as possible. I guess that's kind of hard when everyone has seen you bleeding, though.
I knew they all thought I was crazy. Hell, I even thought I'd finally lost it. I should probably leave, but where was I supposed to go? I guess I could have gone back home, but I didn't think I could stand being in that place.
"She's coming with us," he said. I didn't really want to, but did I really have a choice? The look on Dally's face made me think that I didn't. We walked to drive-in and went in the legal way for once. The movie was an old cowboy movie. You know the ones with guns and horses. I thought I was going to scream when one of the guys shot another. I didn't, though. Dally was already angry enough, and I didn't want to be on the receiving end of his anger. By the time we got out of there I'm pretty sure I was pale and shaking. No one seemed to notice it in the darkness, though. When we finally got back everyone sat down except for Dally. I stood by the door, wanting to have a way out if things got more serious than I was willing to handle.
"That was a great movie!" one of the guys said jumping up and down. I think it was Ponyboy, but it was hard to see with the dim lighting.
Something possessed me to speak. "Not realistic, though."
"What do you mean?" Soda asked. I think he wished he could have taken it back after hearing my answer.
"First of all people don't die that fast. They keep breathing until they can't anymore. Second of all there wasn't enough blood. Bullets point blank aren't neat. They splatter blood everywhere."
"Oh," Pony said. Everyone was staring at me again. I felt like some kind of strange alien creature.
"What the hell do you think you're looking at?" I mumbled. Everyone averted their eyes except for Dally.
"We need to talk," he said. Those were four words I never expected to hear from Dally.
"Well, I would really, really love to, but you see I got somewhere I got to be right about now," I said. Yeah, I had somewhere to be- anywhere but there. I darted out the door and down the street. I was lucky I had a head start and was faster than them. Smoking really makes it hard to run, you know.
I ended up in a diner. I really didn't want anything to eat, so I ordered a coke and hid in a booth. I was almost asleep when I heard a voice asking the woman behind the counter if she'd seen a girl wearing jeans come in. It sounded like Pony. I glanced around the edge of the seat and saw him standing there looking worried and lost. He was alone, so I decided to let him know I was there.
"Hey Pony."
"Rayne!" he said coming to sit next to me. I think he was still afraid I'd run. I told him I didn't want to talk, and he surprised me by saying that was okay. He told me about what had been happening around the neighborhood and how his parents died. It made me want to hug him, and I did. He told me he kind of knew how I felt, wanting to make sure I never forgot and all.
"Want to go back now?" he finally asked. I nodded and walked back in silence. Pony was really an okay guy. He seemed to understand feelings more than any of the other guys except maybe Soda or Johnny ever could.
I wasn't prepared for what I saw when we walked through that door.