This is another one of my parodies (which always turn out, er.strange).
It's a new twist on the children's story 'The Boy Who Called Wolf.' It's
not quite as long as some of the others, and one of the toms ends up dying
(how else could it go along with the original story?), but you'll live,
right? Everyone needs a break from the insanity once in a while. Even me.
Though I didn't quite escape completely.
"Oh man, I don't wanna. Why do I always have to be the lookout, Munkustrap? Name one other cat who's done it in the past month."
"Now, now, Pouncival, lots of Jellicle have been posted for guard duty. Let's see, there was, um, ooh."
"Ha! You can't remember anyone. I'm the only one you've ever made do it."
"That's not true." Munk paused to think. "What about Tumblebrutus? He did it that one time you were sick, didn't he?" Unfortunately, he didn't quite establish the feeling of intelligence that he was hoping to by actually remembering something for once.
"That was only for what, two days? Name someone who had an actual shift. Just one."
At this, Munkustrap began to get frustrated. His head, no matter how large it was, didn't hold a brain of normal size, and his memory suddenly left him void of ideas. Good ones, anyway. "That's not the point, Pounce. You've been assigned to guard duty, and you will do guard duty. We'll all be listening; just shout if anything comes by. I'm going to go see if Misto will help, but until then, you stay here."
"Aww, but Uncle Munk."
"No buts. I'll see you later. Watch out for any pollicles." With that, the leader-to-be stalked off, lamenting over the fact that he couldn't come up with any better excuses for Pouncival. But no matter. He was the leader to be, after all, so Pounce had to listen to what he said, anyway.
Pouncival grumbled to himself as he watched the retreating back of Munkustrap. He always had to be on guard duty, he never got to have any fun anymore. There had to be SOMETHING that he could do to while away the time. Something, something.AHA!! Yes, that was it, the perfect plan. This way, he wouldn't be forgotten. Maybe he would end up having some fun, after all. He would, of course, have to wait awhile, so as not to arouse suspicion, but it would be well worth it.
Old Deuteronomy was sitting, as usual, upon the vicarage wall. He probably would have been the perfect candidate for guard duty. He never did anything, just sat on his wall and gazed at whatever was there all day. Of course, such meaningless tasks were far below his exalted status for him to stoop so low as to actually pretend to care about the Jellicles. Though he probably wouldn't have done much good, anyway. His vision had been steadily disintegrating over the last few months, his eyes becoming increasingly clouded with cataracts. Oh, well. Such things never could be brought to the attention of the old cat, so he just sat all day upon his wall.
Old Deut was in the middle of a particularly lovely dream of his youth, so many decades ago, when he had had a manageable coat and was relatively thin, when the slow and monotonous workings of his dusty mind were pierced by an earsplitting shriek that sounded like one of the Queens had seen a little mouse or rat or something else small, furry, and good to eat.
The humorous image was quickly wiped away as the cry was ensued by a shout of "PEKE!!!" This voice sounded decidedly more masculine, and after a great deal of thought, Deut managed to conjure up a memory of one of the kittens, that ever-troublesome Pouncival.
"I wonder what he did this time. He's always finding some way to disturb my peace of mind, I wish there was something I could do about it. Oh, well, I suppose that I should go see this Peke. I do have to keep up appearances."
As the many toms and queens rushed to Pouncival in a panic, he struggled to stifle a giggle behind his paw, but to no avail.
"Pouncival, what's the trouble? Where's the Peke!"
"Pouncival, what's the matter? And why are you laughing? This is no laughing matter if you really did see a dog around here."
"Hee hee. Stop being such a party pooper, Munk. Ha ha. It was only a little joke. You all should have seen your faces. Besides, what else am I supposed to do while I'm on guard duty!" Pouncival snickered as he held a camera behind his back. He would get to see their faces again.
"Pouncival, that was a very foolish thing to do. While you were busy calling us, a real Peke could have come by and really caused the tribe some harm. Now get back to your duties, I want to see that you have been extremely vigilant when I come back later."
"But Munk, it was only."
"It was not only. Come on, people, let's move on. Nothing to see here!" As the rest of the tribe left, Munkustrap pulled Mistoffelees over to the side. "Misto, do you think you could watch him? He might try to pull something like that again, and I don't know what Old Deuteronomy would say. Please?" Munk didn't even pause for Misto to answer him, but went on. "Thanks a bunch. See ya later!"
"Great, just great, why do I have to watch him? There are plenty of other cats in the junkyard, why me? I'm getting fed up with this.
Everything's always, 'Misto, do this!' or 'Misto, do that!' I never get to do anything that I want." The peeved cat walked away slowly, grumbling to himself.
Just then, Old Deuteronomy hobbled slowly into the common area, where he was met by an overwhelming silence. "Darn, I've missed it again!"
*The Next Day*
All was quiet in the junkyard, when all of a sudden the air was permeated with a frightened cry of 'PEKE!!!' Not remembering what had happened last time, all the cats rushed to the entrance with forks and knives and such.
But they weren't greeted by the expected Peke, or even a pollicle, for that matter. All that awaited them was the maddening sight of Pouncival, rolling on the floor in hysterics.
"Ha ha HA! You guys should have seen yourselves! That was even better than last time!" He only laughed harder when he saw the furious look on Munkustrap's face. "Ha ha, Munk, come on, it was funny! Don't take it the wrong way, a little joke never hurt anyone."
"That's not exactly true. There have been many tales of jokes gone awry, and some of them ended up in death. Death. That reminds me. MISTO!!!"
The small tuxedo cat crept slowly out from his refuge in the pipe, trying desperately to mask the grin on his face. He had to admit, Munk did look pretty funny. "Yes, sir?"
"Misto, why are you laughing? And why didn't you alert us that this was just another joke?" Again, not pausing for any answer to his questions, he continued, "Well, if you think that guard duty is such a laughing matter, then why don't you join Pouncival in his duties? I'm sure he'd love the company. And if I hear from anyone that you've strayed from your post." Munk let his words hang, not really sure what he would do to Misto if he messed up again. And his brain was already sore enough; he didn't want to have to think of anything that might cause him further pain.
"Well, gee, Pouncival, thanks a lot."
"What got stuck up your butt, Misto?"
"Apparently you. Now I'm stuck here, too. With you, of all cats."
"Come on, cheer up, it's not so bad. At least you're not all alone. You know how boring it can get over here, with no one to play with?"
"And I suppose that's why you played that trick on us. Just because you were bored."
"Exactly! But now you're here, so I won't get bored anymore."
"That's what you think. I'm going to sleep. And don't play that trick again, okay? It's not fun when Munk's mad at you."
"Okay, fine, no more jokes. I guess I'll go to sleep, too."
*A Few Hours Later*
Misto stretched and yawned as he finally awoke from his catnap. "Hey, Pounce, you awake yet? Hmm. He must be pretty tired. Come on, Pounce, I'm awake, I'll play with you now."
Upon hearing this, Pouncival immediately jumped up with a huge grin splitting his kittenish face from ear to ear. "Really? You'll play with me now? Finally. I was wondering how long it would take you."
"You were wondering? While you were asleep?"
"Yeah, I wonder in my sleep a whole lot. In my dreams."
"Ookay, whatever. So, uhm, watcha wanna do?"
"Let's play tag!"
"In less than twenty square feet of space? You've got to be kidding. And we can't exactly play hide-and-seek, either."
"I know, we could play cards!"
"Cards? You've got cards? Where'd you get them?"
Mistoffelees couldn't help but wonder as Pouncival held a sheepish grin on his face. "I didn't think you would miss them that much. Misto? Misto, are you listening? Come on, it's not that bad. I'll give them back, if you want."
But Misto wasn't listening. He was staring straight past his friend, aghast at what was crouched behind his friend. The look that he gave was not one of disbelief at his cards being stolen, but one of sheer terror.
"P-P-Pouncival? Don't move."
"Why not, Misto? What are you looking at?" As Pounce turned, his gaze was met by the mindless stare of two large, yellow, bulbous eyes looking greedily at the kitten. The overpowering stench of its' hot breath nearly suffocated him, making him wretch. "Misto, *cough, cough,* get help."
Not exactly sure what to do, Mistoffelees did the only thing he could think of and began to cry, at the top of his lungs, "PEKE! PEKE! THERE'S A PEKE IN THE JUNKYARD! HELP!!!!!!!" He then began to thrust sparks and lightning bolts at the monstrous animal as it lunged for poor Pouncival, who could do nothing but stand and gape at the monster flying towards him, helpless.
Meanwhile, Munkustrap was in the company of Demeter. They were busy discussing various tribal matters when they were interrupted by the sounds of Misto's desperate calls for help. Munk sighed, believing that the two were just trying to pull yet another prank. But Demeter was still worried.
"Munkustrap, dear, do you really think that they'd try it again? So soon after the last trick? And besides, it really isn't like Mistoffelees to do such a thing."
"Don't worry about them, Dem. I bet Pouncival talked Misto into it. It can't have been very hard, didn't you see him laughing last time? I bet he thought it was hilarious. I wouldn't put the idea past them"
"Just the same, Munk, I would appreciate it if we could go check on them. I'm worried. We could even spy, they wouldn't have to see us and think that it worked. For me, Munky?"
With such pleading and coaxing from his Queen, Munkustrap just couldn't bear to keep anything from her.
"All right, Dem, but they can't see us. If they do, they'll probably try it again later on. And again, and again. Come on, let's go." And the two set off to the junkyard gate, where they would arrive too late.
"Mistoffelees, help, get him off me!"
"I can't, Pounce, I can't! Scratch his eyes!"
"I've tried, it's not helping! Misto, please! AAAAAAAAH!"
"Munkustrap, did you hear that?!" Demeter cried. She was sure she had heard the sound of a terrible scream, full of pain and agony. But Munkustrap had been too busy trying to walk without tripping for once that he missed the heart-wrenching sound all together.
"What was that, Demeter?"
"I heard a scream, Munkustrap, COME ON! We've got to go see what's the matter!" She began to drag a protesting Munk towards the gate. She suddenly halted, stopping in front of the scene that lay before her.
"Oh my gosh! Munkustrap, do something!" The Peke had already managed to take the life of Pouncival, and was in the process of shaking Mistoffelees roughly by the nape of his neck, slowly bringing the cold hand of death upon the struggling feline as blood from the two bodies began to pool.
Upon seeing this, Munkustrap began to scream bloody murder (literally), and all of the toms came running. They swarmed over the mangy stray like ants on a picnic, struggling to free the unconscious Mistoffelees. Fortunately, no more lives were taken, and the only one who truly was gone was poor Pouncival.
"Misto, Misto, are you all right?"
"Huh? Wha."
"Move away, Alonzo, give him room. Misto, dearest, are you hurt?"
"Mmmm? Jellylorum? What happened?" He tried to rise from his curled up position in the dirt, but let loose a tiny, pitiful mew of pain as he realized that he couldn't.
"Shhhhhh, don't try to get up. You're safe now."
"But what about Pouncival?" Mistoffelees was only answered by the many down- turned heads, signifying the truth of his worst fears. "He, he didn't, did he?"
"I'm afraid so, dear. There was nothing you, or anyone could have done to save him. It would have been too late. I'm sorry."
"It's my fault. I should have done more to intervene. But now, he's, he's."
"No, Misto, Jelly's right. There was nothing you could have done to save him." Everyone glanced up, surprised that Munkustrap had said something that made sense. "I should have come sooner, when I heard the calls for help, and not let my pride get in the way. I should have believed Dem when she said that you wouldn't do anything like that. I shouldn't have eaten all those bananas. I should have."
"I think we've heard enough. Misto, you need to rest. Don't worry, Pouncival will receive a proper burial. Thank the Everlasting Cat you weren't killed."
"It's just too bad we couldn't save Pounce too."
"Just goes to show, no cat should ever lie, because they will probably end up much worse off than they were to begin with."
The End
"Oh man, I don't wanna. Why do I always have to be the lookout, Munkustrap? Name one other cat who's done it in the past month."
"Now, now, Pouncival, lots of Jellicle have been posted for guard duty. Let's see, there was, um, ooh."
"Ha! You can't remember anyone. I'm the only one you've ever made do it."
"That's not true." Munk paused to think. "What about Tumblebrutus? He did it that one time you were sick, didn't he?" Unfortunately, he didn't quite establish the feeling of intelligence that he was hoping to by actually remembering something for once.
"That was only for what, two days? Name someone who had an actual shift. Just one."
At this, Munkustrap began to get frustrated. His head, no matter how large it was, didn't hold a brain of normal size, and his memory suddenly left him void of ideas. Good ones, anyway. "That's not the point, Pounce. You've been assigned to guard duty, and you will do guard duty. We'll all be listening; just shout if anything comes by. I'm going to go see if Misto will help, but until then, you stay here."
"Aww, but Uncle Munk."
"No buts. I'll see you later. Watch out for any pollicles." With that, the leader-to-be stalked off, lamenting over the fact that he couldn't come up with any better excuses for Pouncival. But no matter. He was the leader to be, after all, so Pounce had to listen to what he said, anyway.
Pouncival grumbled to himself as he watched the retreating back of Munkustrap. He always had to be on guard duty, he never got to have any fun anymore. There had to be SOMETHING that he could do to while away the time. Something, something.AHA!! Yes, that was it, the perfect plan. This way, he wouldn't be forgotten. Maybe he would end up having some fun, after all. He would, of course, have to wait awhile, so as not to arouse suspicion, but it would be well worth it.
Old Deuteronomy was sitting, as usual, upon the vicarage wall. He probably would have been the perfect candidate for guard duty. He never did anything, just sat on his wall and gazed at whatever was there all day. Of course, such meaningless tasks were far below his exalted status for him to stoop so low as to actually pretend to care about the Jellicles. Though he probably wouldn't have done much good, anyway. His vision had been steadily disintegrating over the last few months, his eyes becoming increasingly clouded with cataracts. Oh, well. Such things never could be brought to the attention of the old cat, so he just sat all day upon his wall.
Old Deut was in the middle of a particularly lovely dream of his youth, so many decades ago, when he had had a manageable coat and was relatively thin, when the slow and monotonous workings of his dusty mind were pierced by an earsplitting shriek that sounded like one of the Queens had seen a little mouse or rat or something else small, furry, and good to eat.
The humorous image was quickly wiped away as the cry was ensued by a shout of "PEKE!!!" This voice sounded decidedly more masculine, and after a great deal of thought, Deut managed to conjure up a memory of one of the kittens, that ever-troublesome Pouncival.
"I wonder what he did this time. He's always finding some way to disturb my peace of mind, I wish there was something I could do about it. Oh, well, I suppose that I should go see this Peke. I do have to keep up appearances."
As the many toms and queens rushed to Pouncival in a panic, he struggled to stifle a giggle behind his paw, but to no avail.
"Pouncival, what's the trouble? Where's the Peke!"
"Pouncival, what's the matter? And why are you laughing? This is no laughing matter if you really did see a dog around here."
"Hee hee. Stop being such a party pooper, Munk. Ha ha. It was only a little joke. You all should have seen your faces. Besides, what else am I supposed to do while I'm on guard duty!" Pouncival snickered as he held a camera behind his back. He would get to see their faces again.
"Pouncival, that was a very foolish thing to do. While you were busy calling us, a real Peke could have come by and really caused the tribe some harm. Now get back to your duties, I want to see that you have been extremely vigilant when I come back later."
"But Munk, it was only."
"It was not only. Come on, people, let's move on. Nothing to see here!" As the rest of the tribe left, Munkustrap pulled Mistoffelees over to the side. "Misto, do you think you could watch him? He might try to pull something like that again, and I don't know what Old Deuteronomy would say. Please?" Munk didn't even pause for Misto to answer him, but went on. "Thanks a bunch. See ya later!"
"Great, just great, why do I have to watch him? There are plenty of other cats in the junkyard, why me? I'm getting fed up with this.
Everything's always, 'Misto, do this!' or 'Misto, do that!' I never get to do anything that I want." The peeved cat walked away slowly, grumbling to himself.
Just then, Old Deuteronomy hobbled slowly into the common area, where he was met by an overwhelming silence. "Darn, I've missed it again!"
*The Next Day*
All was quiet in the junkyard, when all of a sudden the air was permeated with a frightened cry of 'PEKE!!!' Not remembering what had happened last time, all the cats rushed to the entrance with forks and knives and such.
But they weren't greeted by the expected Peke, or even a pollicle, for that matter. All that awaited them was the maddening sight of Pouncival, rolling on the floor in hysterics.
"Ha ha HA! You guys should have seen yourselves! That was even better than last time!" He only laughed harder when he saw the furious look on Munkustrap's face. "Ha ha, Munk, come on, it was funny! Don't take it the wrong way, a little joke never hurt anyone."
"That's not exactly true. There have been many tales of jokes gone awry, and some of them ended up in death. Death. That reminds me. MISTO!!!"
The small tuxedo cat crept slowly out from his refuge in the pipe, trying desperately to mask the grin on his face. He had to admit, Munk did look pretty funny. "Yes, sir?"
"Misto, why are you laughing? And why didn't you alert us that this was just another joke?" Again, not pausing for any answer to his questions, he continued, "Well, if you think that guard duty is such a laughing matter, then why don't you join Pouncival in his duties? I'm sure he'd love the company. And if I hear from anyone that you've strayed from your post." Munk let his words hang, not really sure what he would do to Misto if he messed up again. And his brain was already sore enough; he didn't want to have to think of anything that might cause him further pain.
"Well, gee, Pouncival, thanks a lot."
"What got stuck up your butt, Misto?"
"Apparently you. Now I'm stuck here, too. With you, of all cats."
"Come on, cheer up, it's not so bad. At least you're not all alone. You know how boring it can get over here, with no one to play with?"
"And I suppose that's why you played that trick on us. Just because you were bored."
"Exactly! But now you're here, so I won't get bored anymore."
"That's what you think. I'm going to sleep. And don't play that trick again, okay? It's not fun when Munk's mad at you."
"Okay, fine, no more jokes. I guess I'll go to sleep, too."
*A Few Hours Later*
Misto stretched and yawned as he finally awoke from his catnap. "Hey, Pounce, you awake yet? Hmm. He must be pretty tired. Come on, Pounce, I'm awake, I'll play with you now."
Upon hearing this, Pouncival immediately jumped up with a huge grin splitting his kittenish face from ear to ear. "Really? You'll play with me now? Finally. I was wondering how long it would take you."
"You were wondering? While you were asleep?"
"Yeah, I wonder in my sleep a whole lot. In my dreams."
"Ookay, whatever. So, uhm, watcha wanna do?"
"Let's play tag!"
"In less than twenty square feet of space? You've got to be kidding. And we can't exactly play hide-and-seek, either."
"I know, we could play cards!"
"Cards? You've got cards? Where'd you get them?"
Mistoffelees couldn't help but wonder as Pouncival held a sheepish grin on his face. "I didn't think you would miss them that much. Misto? Misto, are you listening? Come on, it's not that bad. I'll give them back, if you want."
But Misto wasn't listening. He was staring straight past his friend, aghast at what was crouched behind his friend. The look that he gave was not one of disbelief at his cards being stolen, but one of sheer terror.
"P-P-Pouncival? Don't move."
"Why not, Misto? What are you looking at?" As Pounce turned, his gaze was met by the mindless stare of two large, yellow, bulbous eyes looking greedily at the kitten. The overpowering stench of its' hot breath nearly suffocated him, making him wretch. "Misto, *cough, cough,* get help."
Not exactly sure what to do, Mistoffelees did the only thing he could think of and began to cry, at the top of his lungs, "PEKE! PEKE! THERE'S A PEKE IN THE JUNKYARD! HELP!!!!!!!" He then began to thrust sparks and lightning bolts at the monstrous animal as it lunged for poor Pouncival, who could do nothing but stand and gape at the monster flying towards him, helpless.
Meanwhile, Munkustrap was in the company of Demeter. They were busy discussing various tribal matters when they were interrupted by the sounds of Misto's desperate calls for help. Munk sighed, believing that the two were just trying to pull yet another prank. But Demeter was still worried.
"Munkustrap, dear, do you really think that they'd try it again? So soon after the last trick? And besides, it really isn't like Mistoffelees to do such a thing."
"Don't worry about them, Dem. I bet Pouncival talked Misto into it. It can't have been very hard, didn't you see him laughing last time? I bet he thought it was hilarious. I wouldn't put the idea past them"
"Just the same, Munk, I would appreciate it if we could go check on them. I'm worried. We could even spy, they wouldn't have to see us and think that it worked. For me, Munky?"
With such pleading and coaxing from his Queen, Munkustrap just couldn't bear to keep anything from her.
"All right, Dem, but they can't see us. If they do, they'll probably try it again later on. And again, and again. Come on, let's go." And the two set off to the junkyard gate, where they would arrive too late.
"Mistoffelees, help, get him off me!"
"I can't, Pounce, I can't! Scratch his eyes!"
"I've tried, it's not helping! Misto, please! AAAAAAAAH!"
"Munkustrap, did you hear that?!" Demeter cried. She was sure she had heard the sound of a terrible scream, full of pain and agony. But Munkustrap had been too busy trying to walk without tripping for once that he missed the heart-wrenching sound all together.
"What was that, Demeter?"
"I heard a scream, Munkustrap, COME ON! We've got to go see what's the matter!" She began to drag a protesting Munk towards the gate. She suddenly halted, stopping in front of the scene that lay before her.
"Oh my gosh! Munkustrap, do something!" The Peke had already managed to take the life of Pouncival, and was in the process of shaking Mistoffelees roughly by the nape of his neck, slowly bringing the cold hand of death upon the struggling feline as blood from the two bodies began to pool.
Upon seeing this, Munkustrap began to scream bloody murder (literally), and all of the toms came running. They swarmed over the mangy stray like ants on a picnic, struggling to free the unconscious Mistoffelees. Fortunately, no more lives were taken, and the only one who truly was gone was poor Pouncival.
"Misto, Misto, are you all right?"
"Huh? Wha."
"Move away, Alonzo, give him room. Misto, dearest, are you hurt?"
"Mmmm? Jellylorum? What happened?" He tried to rise from his curled up position in the dirt, but let loose a tiny, pitiful mew of pain as he realized that he couldn't.
"Shhhhhh, don't try to get up. You're safe now."
"But what about Pouncival?" Mistoffelees was only answered by the many down- turned heads, signifying the truth of his worst fears. "He, he didn't, did he?"
"I'm afraid so, dear. There was nothing you, or anyone could have done to save him. It would have been too late. I'm sorry."
"It's my fault. I should have done more to intervene. But now, he's, he's."
"No, Misto, Jelly's right. There was nothing you could have done to save him." Everyone glanced up, surprised that Munkustrap had said something that made sense. "I should have come sooner, when I heard the calls for help, and not let my pride get in the way. I should have believed Dem when she said that you wouldn't do anything like that. I shouldn't have eaten all those bananas. I should have."
"I think we've heard enough. Misto, you need to rest. Don't worry, Pouncival will receive a proper burial. Thank the Everlasting Cat you weren't killed."
"It's just too bad we couldn't save Pounce too."
"Just goes to show, no cat should ever lie, because they will probably end up much worse off than they were to begin with."
The End