For those who had positive comments:  You are appreciated and this next chapter is for you.  Not exactly the moment you've all been waiting for but indeed one step closer.

For those with negative comments or who used the words: unbelievable, unrealistic, etc:   This story has no hidden meaning.  It's a serious!fic meets crack!fic if there ever was one.  There is no underlying story and there is no moral behind it.  It was merely meant to entertain and by reading and analyzing it, producing things that just aren't feasible, you've taken away from that.  My purpose was to provoke a few smiles and if I was really lucky, maybe even a few laughs.  Many of the things are humorous (that being why it's in the humor category) and if they're unrealistic to you, you really should spend a day with me and my friend Tony.   A good deal (gum-sticking device thanks to my cousin, Tim; the table leg; demon rat) are things that have happened to me, things that I do regularly (soup with a fork) or would do if I could get away with it (pudding).  By reading into it, not taking it for face value, you've done the ultimate evil when it comes to Harry Potter:  You're ruining the magic.  I ask you to take the story for what it is in it's cracked out form.  If you still don't like it, stop reading it.  You've come too far already and your comments are unappreciated.  If you think you can do it better, go write your own damn story.  I've been nice but I assure you that I can get nasty.  I have a history of arson and a box full of matches; do not tempt me.

Not JK Rowling.  I don't own Harry Potter or the entire world within. Anything you recognize would belong to her.  Anything you don't would belong to me, including the crack!plot of this trifle of a story.  I am (obviously) making no money off this though if you really want to sue me, I've got $10.00.  Good day.

*~*~*~*~*

Eight Years Later

Taking off his glasses and placing them on the desk before him, Harry Potter rubbed at his eyes trying to make the burning sensation go away.  Sitting on the desk was a piece of parchment covered in words and numbers, an inventory sheet for the bookstore he co-owned in Hogsmeade, the village he lived in.  Also living in Hogsmeade were the co-owners of the bookstore, Hermione and Ron Weasley, his best friends from when he went to school at Hogwarts.

He looked at the clock and saw the red numbers glowing back at him indicating that it was fourteen minutes after midnight.  Harry's body seemed to be telling him that it was very late and that he should get to sleep but he had a headache and he doubted if he would get to sleep even if he did lay down in his bed.  Late at night, Harry liked to keep busy until he was about ready to pass out from a sleep deprivation so that he couldn't have time to think.  Thinking for Harry was never good because thinking always led back to Hogwarts and him.  Ten years had passed since then and Harry and friends had gone through many changes over the years.

For one, Ron Weasley and the former Hermione Granger had gotten married only a year after leaving the school.  They now had three adorable children that Harry often got to take care of when his two best friends decided that they needed to get away for an evening.  Harper was nine, Eleanor was eight, and the youngest, Angela, was six.  They were good kids and Harry loved each of them as if they were his own.  In fact, they were staying at Harry's that very night as he sat at his desk, rubbing his burning eyes, and trying to focus on the numbers instead of his thoughts.

When they graduated, Ron went on to work at the Ministry of Magic with his father in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.  Many times before Ron had claimed that it was the most boring department of the ministry but once there, Ron found that he quite enjoyed it and the time it gave him to spend with his father on a daily basis.  Only two years ago, Ron had decided to quit work at the ministry as he and Harry wanted to start their own business.  Originally, they wanted to go for some sort of Quidditch shop, but Hermione's persistence led them to the bookshop they now owned together.

Hermione had stayed at Hogwarts after the rest of their class left as an assistant to Professor McGonagall who had been their Head of House, Gryffindor, and Transfiguration teacher.  Shortly after marrying Ron, Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, retired and Hermione was given the job.  She stilled worked at the school which was very close to Hogsmeade, a convenient arrangement so that she could balance the school and the bookshop.

Harry, however, probably went through the most changes since leaving Hogwarts.  During his years at school, Harry had played the position of Seeker on his house Quidditch team and when he graduated, he went on to play Quidditch for England.  That lasted two years until he was contacted by his old headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, who notified him that the Dark Lord Voldemort was making appearances in London.  Many muggles were being tortured, killed, and there were even more disappearances.  Quitting the Quidditch team, Harry had gone to work at the ministry as an Unspeakable.

Voldemort did, indeed, resurface and Harry faced him down for the first time since the Triwizard tournament in his fourth year.  After he got his body back, Voldemort had disappeared and most in the wizarding world reckoned that he was laying low, regaining power, and waiting for the right time to attack.  Two years after graduating, Harry discovered that it was exactly what he had been doing.  Voldemort had been defeated and many of his followers, Death Eaters, were apprehended and stuck in Azkaban.

One of the Death Eaters that was apprehended just after Voldemort's defeat was Lucius Malfoy, a well respected wizard if not for his name, then at least for his power.  That had been a triumphant catch for Harry and before he went in, Lucius had been questioned for the names of other Death Eaters.  He refused to tell and the ministry turned the subject to Draco, Lucius's only son.  Harry had gotten the shock of his life when Lucius, practically seething, told the ministry that Draco was not a Death Eater, nor did he know where his even was.  As his story went, Draco had refused initiation and Lucius told him to leave, disinheriting him.  He told them Draco could be anywhere because he had money; Draco had stolen the Gringotts key to his personal vault Lucius had been filling for him since he was born.  No one had seen Draco since.

The fact that no one in the entire wizarding world knew where Draco Malfoy was had unsettled Harry then and it unsettled him now.  In his seventh year, Harry had come out to his house and then the school as a bisexual.  Some of the students were okay with it, but just as many seemed to think that Harry was just as evil as Voldemort himself and he was frequently chastised for his sexual preference.  Just when things seemed like everything was awful and Harry was ready to give up hope, Draco Malfoy, his sworn enemy up until then, had come to him.  Through tears, Draco had told Harry about how he, too, was bisexual and never told anyone for fear of them reacting the same way the school was toward Harry.  They soon became friends and a few months later, became a couple.

Harry thought everything in his life was perfect whenever he was with Draco.  Colors were vivid and there was never a dull moment that clouded over Harry's life.  There were many times when Draco would complain about his father being a Death Eater, claiming that his father was too good to be licking Voldemort's shoes.  He spoke of having to become a Death Eater himself, but Harry never really took him seriously.  Harry always thought Draco was so much stronger than that.  Draco took that away from him the day before graduation, breaking up with Harry and telling him that he was, indeed, to become a Death Eater.

For two years, Harry had lived with mixed emotions of anger and yearning.  He missed Draco, but he was also mad at him for being so weak and falling into following his father's footsteps.  When Lucius changed everything by telling the ministry that Draco was not, in fact, even close to being a Death Eater, all of the anger vanished and the part of him that still missed and loved Draco increased inside him ten fold.

Despite losing Draco, Harry still dated off and on, though nothing ever seemed to stick.  He had never come close to finding someone who made him feel the way that Draco had made him feel, much less someone to settle down with to have and to hold forever.  There were many times when he thought of Draco and wondered what became of him, but Harry didn't like to ponder it too long.  The emotions were still too strong.

Only Ron and Hermione had ever known about his romance with Draco and he was happy to say there were still on hand to counsel him through.  He had left the ministry to open up the bookstore with Ron as a way of distracting himself from worrying about Draco, and if he did get caught up in his thoughts and needed a shoulder to lean on, both Ron and Hermione were always there.

"You still up, Uncle Harry?" he heard and Harry, putting his glasses back on, turned around to see Harper standing in the doorway, eyeing him.  Harper had gotten Ron's flaming red hair while his two sisters looked more like Hermione.  Harry smiled at him and motioned for Harper to come in.

"Yeah.  Just going through some invoices and checking out the inventory sheets for the store," he replied.  "How about you?  What're you doing up?"

"First I had to use the bathroom and then I couldn't fall back asleep.  I was coming to look for something to eat.  You look tired.  You should go to sleep."

"Thanks for that advice, Harper, but I'm suffering from a case of insomnia myself."

Harper cocked his head to the side and studied Harry further.  "Do you worry a lot, Uncle Harry?  My mum and dad say that you worry a lot."

"Sometimes.  You're mum and dad are just looking out for me.  They always think I'm either worrying too much or not eating enough or something."

"I know what you mean.  My mum says I don't eat enough vegetables but I don't like vegetables much.  I like chocolate."

"You are your father's child," mused Harry, thinking of Ron.  He could hardly believe it had been so long since he went to Hogwarts, things feeling like they just happened yesterday.  Harper would be starting there in two years and Harry didn't know how time had gone by so fast without him noticing.  He sighed.  "You should be getting back to bed.  You need your sleep."

"You do, too," Harper pointed out.  Harry despised nine year old kids.

"Yeah but you need it more.  You're a growing boy.  Why don't you just grab a snack and go back to sleep.  Don't worry about me.  I'm going up to bed soon, anyway."

Harper nodded, hugging Harry goodnight, and left the room for what Harry hoped would be the kitchen and then the guest room.  He sat for ten more minutes staring at the invoice in front of him before filing it away with a flick of his wand and left the room for bed.

~*~

"We're back!" called Hermione and Harry watched from his kitchen table as the three Weasley children threw themselves into the open arms of their parents.  Hermione was covering their faces with kisses and Ron left the scene to wander into the kitchen and sit opposite Harry.

"How were my little monsters?" asked Ron and Harry grinned.

"Oh they were just awful.  We had to put a body binding charm on Eleanor because she was so bad."

"Not my Ellie!" said Ron, laughing.  "Was Angie a pain?  Our usual babysitters think Angie's a pain."

"Angela was a perfect little lady.  There were no problems."

"I wish they'd be like that when they're at home," mused Ron.  Harry laughed.

"But if they were never bad, you would never be able to truly appreciate it when they're good."

"It sounds awful but I'll suffer through it."

"Suffer through what?" asked Hermione, coming into the kitchen to join them.

"Nothing.  Harry says the kids were good."

"Oh sure.  They'll behave for Harry but not for us."

"That's what I said."

"Its part of your job description as parents," said Harry.  "I looked it up.  So how was your evening?"

"Divine," said Hermione, tossing her silky brown hair.  "It was nice to have a free night all to ourselves."

"Speaking of free nights," Ron said and Hermione grinned at him.  Harry didn't like that grin.  "Harry, we thought that you, well, need to get away."

"What gave you that impression?"

"What did you do last night?" asked Hermione.  Harry bit his bottom lip.

"Nothing."

"Liar," Ron hissed at him.  "What did you do?"

Harry groaned.  "I went over invoices."

"That's why you need to get away," said Hermione.  "You're drowning yourself in your work again and it isn't healthy for you, Harry.  I know that with June coming, you're probably beating yourself up over it being ten years since you and Draco broke up, but Harry, you need to get over it.  It has been ten years."

"What exactly are you proposing here?" asked Harry, wishing they would get to the point and not especially liking where this conversation was leading.

"Well-" started Hermione.

"We thought-" said Ron, "well, something of a holiday.  Hermione already talked to Albus and he said he'd be more than happy to give her the last month off if it meant getting you out of Hogsmeade."

"We can shut down the bookstore for the rest of May and June," added Hermione.  "It can be the three of us, Harper, Ellie, and Angie.  I'd like to take the kids somewhere and you need to get out and do something.  Forget about work for awhile and have some fun."

"I appreciate the thought-"

"No, Harry, you listen.  I don't think you're understanding us," said Hermione.  "We're taking you whether you want to go or not.  You can appreciate the thought while we're on holiday."

"So I have no choice."

"Exactly.  Harry, we're doing this for your own good.  I promise you, you'll thank us for this."

Harry rubbed at his eyes behind his glasses.  "Then I suppose there's no point in arguing if you're making me go against my will.  Where exactly is this rendezvous to?"

"We have a few options.  Ron and I decided that we wanted this to be fun for the kids and you, but we also want it to be educational so we narrowed it down to three choices.  Since you're being forced to come, we thought we'd let you pick from the choices."

"Fine.  What are they and when are we leaving?"

"We're leaving next week," said Ron.  "Your three choices are France, Egypt, and New York."

"New York?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.  "France I get because of the art and gourmet and literature.  Egypt for the tombs and pyramids.  Why New York?"

"Well, the thing about New York is that I thought we could live muggle there," said Hermione.  "Our kids know I'm muggle-born but they've never really been in the muggle world too much except for visiting my parents.  I thought that a month in a muggle place would be educational and I didn't want to pick London because that's far too close to home."

"Hermione wanted somewhere in America so we asked Albus to suggest somewhere that would be culturally educational for the kids but you could still have fun.  Albus suggested New York City."

"He was very strange about it, too," said Hermione.  "Did you see him wink when he proposed it?"

"I did.  He keeps telling me that it would be more suitable for the children to live as muggles so that they can better understand the wizarding world.  Personally, I don't see what's so great about New York City, but then again, I've never been there."

"I have," said Hermione.  "It's huge and culturally diverse.  Maybe that's why Albus suggested it."

"We're going to New York, aren't we?" Harry interrupted them.

"It's your choice," said Ron.  "We leave next week no matter where we go."

"I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

Ron and Hermione shook their heads.  "No."

"Fine.  Since the both of you and Albus seem so keen on it, we're going to New York.  I should like to dress like a muggle again, even if it is only for a little while."

"Wonderful!" cried Hermione, jumping out of her chair, running around the table, and seizing him around the stomach.  "I promise you, you won't regret this.  Its going to be a marvelous holiday.  You just wait and see."

"You had better be right about this, Hermione," said Harry.

"Oh I am!  You'll see."

Harry tutted as she hugged him one more time and left with Ron, their three children scurrying behind them.  Sighing, Harry's stares wavered from the shut door and the empty chairs in his kitchen where Ron and Hermione had previously been sitting.  He really should have expected something like this out of them eventually, as they always did get on his case when they thought he needed to take a break.  They had, however, caught him very off-guard and now Harry would need to start getting ready because next week he was taking a month-long holiday to New York City to live as a muggle.  Oh the things his friends could rope him into.

As much as Harry would hate to admit it, he was actually very glad that Hermione and Ron had not only thought this up, but found a way to force him into going.  If they hadn't already been pressed by Dumbledore, Harry doubted that he would have taken them very seriously at all.  He really did need a vacation with the ten year anniversary coming up and what better way to spend it than with the Weasleys.  They were the only family he really had, even if they weren't blood related, because he had long ago stopped talking to his last blood relatives, the Dursleys who hated anything strange and unusual.  Harry was more strange and unusual than they could really stand.

As he was raised by the Dursleys and didn't even know he was a wizard until he was eleven years old, Harry was looking forward to be able to live as a muggle once again.  He rather missed things like television, stereos, and electricity all together.  Apparating was fine and wonderful, quite useful when one was in a jiffy and needed to get somewhere else fast, but he missed riding in automobiles.  Harry loved his broomstick almost more than any other possession (his wand held first place) but he quite missed things like airplanes.  Traveling by Floo Powder through fireplaces, while interesting, was not Harry's preferred method of travel, either.  He was looking quite forward to flying to New York and to be able to ride around on muggle transportation.

This also meant that he could dress in the clothes he found comfortable in public.  Most wizards wore robes at all times and Harry found that he rather preferred jumpers and jeans to traditional wizard wear.  He planned on acting enraged at being forced into this holiday, if only to milk Ron and Hermione for all they were worth, but a voice in the back of his head thought this was exactly what he needed.

Harry sighed, leaned back into his chair, and began to anticipate the trip to New York.

*~*~*~*~*

Loved something?  Hated something?  Tell me in a REVIEW or email me at angeldlsm00@hotmail.com