Title: Something New (1/15)
Author: Luisa
Notes/Disclaimers: as in the Prologue
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Part 1
Late morning sunlight shone through the blinds into Buffy's and Willow's dorm room, refusing to be blotted out despite the self-pitying girl lying on her bed. The pain of Oz's departure was taking Willow to breaking point - more so now that she was struggling to affect her spell on herself. She decided to try again - this *had* to be the way to take away the pain in her heart... and besides, she knew she felt *something* go though her last night. She was certain her spell had worked... now, if she could just put it into practice...
She sat upright, and held a mirror before her and spoke to it, hoping that it would reflect her words into her heart. "It is my will that my heart be healed... now." Nothing happened, the emptiness and ache in her heart still persisted and she let out a sigh, deciding to try something different. Picking up the spell book that lay beside her, she spoke again. "I will that this book speak its words to me". The book remained silent. Becoming desperate, Willow reached for a bent Q-Tip. "I will that this Q- Tip gets... unbendy...?" It stubbornly refused to straighten, and only a soft knock on the door stopped her from throwing the Q-Tip across the room in frustration. She instead simply let it drop from her fingers as she invited her visitor inside in a weary voice.
The door opened to reveal a worried looking Xander.
"Xand! What are you doing here?"
He closed the door behind him upon entering, and leant against it as he took in Willow's surroundings with growing unease. "I'm... worried about you, actually."
Willow instantly snapped out of her self-pity and a defensive tone entered her voice. "Why? I, I, I mean... um... does Anya know you're here?"
Xander raised his eyebrows in response. This wasn't the way he'd envisaged this conversation going. Surely she knew why he was worried about her? "Yeah, she does... and I'm here 'cause I'm worried about you drinking and being alone after the other night."
"Oh." That threw her. [So he's not here 'cause of the spell? Oh, yeah, he doesn't know about it] She relaxed slightly. "Um..."
Xander remained concerned for his best friend. "Besides Giles mentioned that you blew off a meeting with him the other day - something about Spike...?" He sighed in frustration and moved toward her, perching on the edge of the bed. "Will, this is so unlike you."
Willow sighed, reverting slightly to her former self-pity as she leant back against the headboard. "I know. I, I've been off. I, I even tried to do a spell last night... to have my will done? I was hoping it would make me feel better. But it just went ka-blooey."
Xander tensed slightly. "A spell? I don't think it's a great idea for you to be doing that alone right now. I thought you knew not to do this stuff when your head's messed up. "
The redhead's eyes flashed with hurt and anger. "I didn't say that! I said I was off, not incompetent."
Xander moved to his feet once more, and he looked at his friend in frustration and disbelief as he barely bit back an angry retort. [Why can't she see that I'm trying to understand...trying to help her?] "God, Willow. I only meant that you know... with you being all upset about Oz, it might be a good idea to take a break from doing spells."
"So I get punished 'cause I'm in pain?"
He sighed again and moved toward her once more, hoping to hold her, hoping to show with actions what he was clearly having difficulty saying. "It's not punishment. I'm only saying this because I..."
Willow cut him off angrily and moved off her bed with a flourish, backing away from him as she spoke. "Oh, you care. Yeah. Everybody cares. Nobody wants to be inconvenienced. You all want me to take the time and go through the pain, as long as you don't have to hear about it anymore."
Hurt evident on his face, he softly objected, "Oh come on, that's not fair."
"Isn't it? 'Cause I'm doing the best I can and it doesn't seem to be enough for you guys."
"And I see how you could feel that way, I do..."
Incensed, Willow rounded the bed and prodded Xander's chest. "No, you don't. You say that you do, but you don't see anything." A strange blue gleam flashed across her eyes for the briefest of seconds, and Xander moved backward towards the door, raising a hand to rub his eyes as he did so.
[Strange... I coulda sworn Will's eyes were green... hey! She's looking kinda fuzzy...] He rubbed at his eyes again in confusion. "Um... Oh, sorry... Um... sorry... I was just trying to help." [Which you clearly don't want] "Look, I gotta get back to Anya. Let's um, let's talk about this some other time." He turned, and after fumbling for a second found the door handle and exited the room without a backward glance, bumping into another student as he did so. "Oh! I'm sorry... So sorry..." He rubbed his eyes once more and stumbled down the corridor.
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Part 1
Late morning sunlight shone through the blinds into Buffy's and Willow's dorm room, refusing to be blotted out despite the self-pitying girl lying on her bed. The pain of Oz's departure was taking Willow to breaking point - more so now that she was struggling to affect her spell on herself. She decided to try again - this *had* to be the way to take away the pain in her heart... and besides, she knew she felt *something* go though her last night. She was certain her spell had worked... now, if she could just put it into practice...
She sat upright, and held a mirror before her and spoke to it, hoping that it would reflect her words into her heart. "It is my will that my heart be healed... now." Nothing happened, the emptiness and ache in her heart still persisted and she let out a sigh, deciding to try something different. Picking up the spell book that lay beside her, she spoke again. "I will that this book speak its words to me". The book remained silent. Becoming desperate, Willow reached for a bent Q-Tip. "I will that this Q- Tip gets... unbendy...?" It stubbornly refused to straighten, and only a soft knock on the door stopped her from throwing the Q-Tip across the room in frustration. She instead simply let it drop from her fingers as she invited her visitor inside in a weary voice.
The door opened to reveal a worried looking Xander.
"Xand! What are you doing here?"
He closed the door behind him upon entering, and leant against it as he took in Willow's surroundings with growing unease. "I'm... worried about you, actually."
Willow instantly snapped out of her self-pity and a defensive tone entered her voice. "Why? I, I, I mean... um... does Anya know you're here?"
Xander raised his eyebrows in response. This wasn't the way he'd envisaged this conversation going. Surely she knew why he was worried about her? "Yeah, she does... and I'm here 'cause I'm worried about you drinking and being alone after the other night."
"Oh." That threw her. [So he's not here 'cause of the spell? Oh, yeah, he doesn't know about it] She relaxed slightly. "Um..."
Xander remained concerned for his best friend. "Besides Giles mentioned that you blew off a meeting with him the other day - something about Spike...?" He sighed in frustration and moved toward her, perching on the edge of the bed. "Will, this is so unlike you."
Willow sighed, reverting slightly to her former self-pity as she leant back against the headboard. "I know. I, I've been off. I, I even tried to do a spell last night... to have my will done? I was hoping it would make me feel better. But it just went ka-blooey."
Xander tensed slightly. "A spell? I don't think it's a great idea for you to be doing that alone right now. I thought you knew not to do this stuff when your head's messed up. "
The redhead's eyes flashed with hurt and anger. "I didn't say that! I said I was off, not incompetent."
Xander moved to his feet once more, and he looked at his friend in frustration and disbelief as he barely bit back an angry retort. [Why can't she see that I'm trying to understand...trying to help her?] "God, Willow. I only meant that you know... with you being all upset about Oz, it might be a good idea to take a break from doing spells."
"So I get punished 'cause I'm in pain?"
He sighed again and moved toward her once more, hoping to hold her, hoping to show with actions what he was clearly having difficulty saying. "It's not punishment. I'm only saying this because I..."
Willow cut him off angrily and moved off her bed with a flourish, backing away from him as she spoke. "Oh, you care. Yeah. Everybody cares. Nobody wants to be inconvenienced. You all want me to take the time and go through the pain, as long as you don't have to hear about it anymore."
Hurt evident on his face, he softly objected, "Oh come on, that's not fair."
"Isn't it? 'Cause I'm doing the best I can and it doesn't seem to be enough for you guys."
"And I see how you could feel that way, I do..."
Incensed, Willow rounded the bed and prodded Xander's chest. "No, you don't. You say that you do, but you don't see anything." A strange blue gleam flashed across her eyes for the briefest of seconds, and Xander moved backward towards the door, raising a hand to rub his eyes as he did so.
[Strange... I coulda sworn Will's eyes were green... hey! She's looking kinda fuzzy...] He rubbed at his eyes again in confusion. "Um... Oh, sorry... Um... sorry... I was just trying to help." [Which you clearly don't want] "Look, I gotta get back to Anya. Let's um, let's talk about this some other time." He turned, and after fumbling for a second found the door handle and exited the room without a backward glance, bumping into another student as he did so. "Oh! I'm sorry... So sorry..." He rubbed his eyes once more and stumbled down the corridor.
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