"The Namek Who Stole Christmas.
Every Earthling
Down in Earth-ville
Liked Christmas a lot…
But the Namek,
Who lived just north of Earth-ville,
Did NOT!
The Namek hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right
(Maybe it didn't grow back right last time he regenerated).
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight
(Those little pointy booties, ugh).
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his booty things,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Earthlings,
Staring down from his waterfall with a sour, Piccoloish frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Earthling down in Earth-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Namek fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For,
Tomorrow, he knew…
…All the Earthling girls and boys
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! His poor ears! Oh that Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Earthlings, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST!
FEAST!
FEAST!
FEAST!
They would feast on Earth-pudding, and rare Earth-roast-beast
Which was something the Namek couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN
They'd do something
He liked least of all!
Every Earthling down in Earth-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Earthlings would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Namek thought of this Earth-Christmas-Sing,
The more the Namek thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming!
…But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE NAMEK
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Namek laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Piccoloish trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer…"
The Namek looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Namek…?
No! The Namek simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he caught a dino, and named it Wax. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshackle sleigh
And he hitched up new Wax.
Then the Namek said, "Giddap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Earthlings
Lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Earthlings were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Nameky Claus hissed.
And he flew to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. Trying not to stick.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Namek.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Earth stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned (showing his fangs), "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Namek, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbly!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Earthlings' feast!
He took the Earth-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Namek even took their last can of Earth-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Namek, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And the Namek grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Earthling!
Little Gohan Son Earth, who had started to sing.
The Namek had been caught by this tiny Earth son
Who'd got out of bed for a drink and a bun.
He stared at the Namek and said "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Namek was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, you nasty young kid," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, you brat.
"I'll fix it up there, and then bring it back."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he whacked his thick head
And got him a drink and bun, and sent him to bed.
And when Gohan Son Earth went to bed with his stuff,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took
Was the log by the fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Earthlings' houses
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Earthlings' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn…
All the Earthlings, still a-bed,
All the Earthlings, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-Pooh to the Earthlings!" he was namek-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out mow that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then the Earthlings down in Earth-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!
"That's a noise," grinned the Namek,
"That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Namek put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow…
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He pulled off his ears!
Grew them back whit a pop!
Bit it was still there!
That nasty old shock!
He stared down at Earth-ville!
The Namek shaded his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Earthling down in Earth-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Namek, with his bootied feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
"It came without ribbons! It cam without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Namek thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!"
And what happened then…?
Well…in Earth-ville they say
That the Namek's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he…
…HE HIMSELF…!
The Namek carved the roast beast!
(And as you know, Nameks don't eat.)"
Gohan shut the book with a snap and stood up to tiptoe out of the room, as Goten had just fallen asleep. Chi-Chi was waiting outside with a smile. Gohan leaned in to whisper at her.
"Hey, mom, he loved the book!"
"Yes, who would have known that Dende was such a good author."
"Yeah…"
Dende, up on the lookout, blushed at the praise. Piccolo, next to him, snorted.
"Where did you come up with such a ridiculous storyline? I hardly even know what Christmas is, let alone care!"
"Y-yeah, well, Earthlings like it!"
"You mean, the few Z-senshi who've read it."
"Umm… Yeah!"
"I still don't get it, but oh well."
He turned and walked back inside, shaking his head all the way.