So this one is Kakyou and Subaru. And yes, angst abounds. Word to the wise, I still don't have a good grasp of Subaru, so this is actually the third draft of the fic, and it's as close as I'm going to get to his character.
It was happening again. He knew it before he opened his eyes that it was going to happen. Everything that had happened last night had warned him it was going to happen. Yet somehow he couldn't help but be slightly surprised when it did happen.
Subaru opened his eyes and stared out into the empty void of his apartment.
He couldn't get up this morning.
It just wasn't going to happen, and he wasn't exactly sure why. However, he didn't really care. The sunlight coming in through his windows was mocking him. The light stretched far across the floor, it was still early.
Subaru didn't own a clock, he didn't see a point in counting down the hours of each monotonous day. Why did it matter? He was going to die in the end. In the overall scheme of things, he didn't care to know how many hours and minutes of his life he spent wasting away in his own solitude.
Especially on days like this one.
Days when he didn't even have the strength within himself to get out of bed.
This day was easily contributed to last night. Of course, it could always be traced back to the same person, and yesterday had been no exception.
There was a slight stinging behind Subaru's eyes. He knew that if it hadn't already been nine long years that he would be crying. Even though that time had passed, he still felt this way, but he never cried anymore. Though the stinging never went away, neither did the ache in his chest.
Calmly he closed his eyes, trying to shut it out, trying to create a void within his soul.
He hadn't followed. He always followed. Subaru knew that he meant at least that much to Seishirou. Never would he be important enough in Seishirou's eyes to earn the sweet release of death, never enough to be loved and seen as a person. But he knew somehow, that Seishirou would follow him, like a cat would bat a wounded mouse, playing with it, then leaving it broken upon the floor.
And this time he hadn't, and that had made all the difference.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled himself back down into the darkness, back into the empty void of his own sleep.
Subaru knew he hardly ever dreamt. Sleep was just an empty time of unconsciousness before the torment of his life continued. When he did dream it was just taunting images of what could never happen.
Seishirou was never gentle in his dreams, but he didn't care.
This time was different.
There was still a void, but it was…different, somehow. Nothing was there, but he felt it, saw it, heard it. For the first time he was aware of the emptiness of his dreams.
And he was aware of another presence.
For a moment he wasn't sure whether or not he should call out to the other person who was there or simply wait for him to make himself known. After deliberating for a few moments he slumped down and sat upon the unseen floor of his dreamscape and spoke up.
"If you want to talk, you can."
He didn't even glance up as a man appeared before him, dressed in a simple cream kimono with long light blonde hair and an expression on his face which echoed the saddened look upon Subaru's face.
"There aren't many people asleep at this time of day," the stranger pointed out.
"Is that supposed to mean anything?" the Sumeragi clan head asked flatly.
"No…it isn't…"
Now at a loss for words the two simply shared the space they were in, neither caring to look upon the other or make any move to initiate any sort of conversation. The blonde, however, was the first to give in to the urge to fill the silence.
"Hokuto…was your sister…wasn't she?" he asked tentatively.
"She was," Subaru answered simply, staring down into the never ending void of his own dreamscape, "You knew her?"
"Her dreams, yes," the dream gazer nodded softly, "I'm…Kakyou." He said at length.
"Subaru, and I'm assuming if you know my sister you already know my last name, my title, romantic interests, level of power….the works," there was a hint of bitterness in Subaru's voice, the thoughts of his deceased sister did not come easily.
"She cared about you, you know," Kakyou pointed out.
"If she'd cared she wouldn't have died," Subaru snapped at him.
His expression was pained, though he knew Kakyou couldn't see it. He didn't really care though. The stinging returned behind his eyes. Once again he closed them in an attempt to banish it.
"If she truly cared about me…then…she wouldn't have gone and done something as stupid as that."
Slowly he drew in deep breaths, trying to calm himself and quell the tears that wouldn't come. The sound of his breath soon subsided as silence descended once again.
"She did it for you, you know…" the words were soft, but Subaru knew how Kakyou felt as he uttered them.
He sighed. "I know that…but…it was me who was supposed to have died."
There was a brief pause before Kakyou spoke again, "Why do you dream those things?"
Subaru lifted his eyes warily to glance at the dream gazer. "What 'things'?"
"I see your dreams…though they are few in number…but when they are there…"
With a soft snort Subaru cut him off. "Isn't it obvious? If those things were to happen then at least…I would mean something to him…"
"Even if you were just an annoyance to be done away with?"
"Even then," the Sumeragi affirmed, "That would be better than being nothing in his eyes."
"Don't you even care about what she did?" Kakyou's voice was different, there was a hint of anger within it, and deeply buried pain.
"She shouldn't have done that! She should have just let me die. She never cared about what I wanted, about how I felt. She just kept on pushing…pulling… She dressed me up like I was her doll…"
"She was looking out for you."
"She was wasting her life!"
"So you wouldn't waste yours."
"Who cares!"
By now Subaru had made his way to his feet, he was glaring at the man who stood across from him, and for the first time in many years, tears had gathered in his eyes, even if it was only a dream.
"Who cares about my life…" he repeated softly, then echoed the words spoken to him nine years ago, his voice regaining strength, "I'm nothing but glass. Just something to be broken. It shatters on the floor, just like I'm crushed by the actions of one man. There isn't any difference. None at all."
Calmly he blinked his tears away, pushing them deep inside himself to mingle with the ache and sadness that had all but become a part of who he was.
"I make the decisions for my life. She never realized that. I decide whether I live or die, and nothing she can do can change that. It's what I want."
"So then what she wants…doesn't matter?" Kakyou asked warily.
"It shouldn't," Subaru muttered, "She's dead."
There was a slight pause. Kakyou saw it as best to not push the matter of the Sumeragi's sister. However…there was still something…
"Why him?"
"What do you mean?" Subaru asked, not understanding the question.
"Why do you love him?"
"I…" For a second he paused to think, then he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, smiling slightly. "He cared about me, did everything for me. He gave up his own eye to protect me. He tried to make sure that I was happy, he saw me as a person instead of just the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi clan. To him…I was 'Subaru-kun.'"
As Subaru fell into the reverie of his memory, his dreamscape altered slightly. For one thing, the two of them were no longer encompassed in complete and total darkness. There was grass beneath their feet, dappled with fallen sakura petals from the trees standing in the grove that surrounded them. The sun shone high in the cerulean sky, and there was not a cloud in sight. Subaru's face echoed the changes in their surroundings, for once he seemed almost happy.
"He isn't like that anymore…is he?"
The moment the words left Kakyou's mouth the sakura swirled about them. Slowly it dissolved in a rain of dripping crimson blood. Once again they were left in darkness.
"He isn't…but…he's still Seishirou-san…"
"And you still love him?"
"I do," Subaru affirmed with a nod, the smile and glow gone from his face.
"I see…"
For a moment, the dreamscape shifted. It was hardly noticeable, but it did happen. Subaru's head lifted slightly as he glanced out into the darkness. Kakyou watched him for a moment, not quite understanding what had just happened. Then, he understood, and slowly vanished from the other man's mind.
The lights no longer danced across his floor, it was too late in the day for that. However, as Subaru raised his eyes to glance out the window he saw the light blue of the sky, and knew that there was still time left in the day. Taking his time, he pulled himself out of bed and made his way towards the large windows that occupied one wall of his apartment. Throwing them open he felt the breeze upon his bare skin, and saw the glow of a city full of life.
Then, just to try it, he smiled.
~*~
Monday
By TK Date
~*~
So there you have it. Comments? Critiques?