Author's Note: Aww, what's wrong with Cloud? Striker thinks Cloud is cool!
Cloud: Lucky me. Now I've been enslaved by author magic.
Striker: *thwaps* Quiet, you. Roll the disclamer.
Disclamer (for all chapters): I do not own LoD or FF7, or anything else in this fic that happens to be trademark. Lawyers are evil. Keep them away.
Chapter 2: The Shooting Begins
Guahara: Whee, I'm the cameraman!
Striker: Shut up. Roll the opening scene.
*Special effect scene of an overhead view of Midgar and the train. The camera cuts to the train station, where the train is supposed to pull in. However, there is no train in sight.*
Striker: Where's the train?
Dart: *comes running in on foot, waving Cloud's enormous sword* Woohoo! Clobbering time!
Striker: CUT! Dart, where's the train?
Dart: Train? What train?
*Train suddenly comes careening down the track, with many slash marks that appear to have been made by someone with a very large sword (hint hint). It topples over onto its side and explodes*
Dart: Ooooooh... THAT train?
Kongol: *pulls himself from the wreakage* Get Kongol's agent on phone. *falls unconscious*
Striker: *sigh*
************************************************************************
Guahara: Scene 1, Take 2.
Striker: Aaaaaand... action!
*Train comes rolling into station as it is supposed to. Kongol and Dart jump out, beat up bad guys, and start running towards reactor, all going according to the script.*
Kongol: *sings the Oprah song while they run* Hoo, hoo! Run on, run on, yeah! Hoo, hoo!
Striker: -_- CUT! Who taught him that song?
Shana: What? Kongol has some serious issues I believe he needs to address!
Lavitz: *trying very hard not to burst out laughing* You watch OPRAH?
Shana: *stomps foot* So? That show has given me a lot of emotional support!
All minus Shana and Kongol: *rolling on floor laughing*
Kongol: O_o What so funny? Kongol confused...
************************************************************************
Guahara: Take three...
*The scene proceeds correctly. Kongol and Dart reach the reactor, meeting up with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie.*
Greham: *grumbles* How come I have to be the fat one?
Striker: 'Cause you died, so Doel got first pick.
Greham: What? It's not my fault that big...
Kongol: *growls*
Striker: I would advise you not to finish that sentence.
Shana: Kongol, you're having problems with agression again. Were you even watching those tapes of Dr. Phil I gave you?
Lavitz: You TAPE Dr. Phil?
Shana: *life glare, 'cause she's too saintly to manage a decent death glare*
Doel: *standing in Biggs' outfit, glaring at everyone*
Emilie: *dressed as Jessie* This is so humiliating... I'm a PRINCESS.
Striker: -_- If you do this right, I'll cast you as Lucrecia later.
Emilie: But she's not in the game.
Striker: We'll do a flashback or something.
Emilie: Scenes with Alby!
Albert: *mumbles something under his breath* _
Striker: Good. Aaaaaaaand... action!
*The scene proceeds as planned, until they reach the reactor*
Striker: OK, Dart, in this scene, you fall to your knees and clutch your head in agony.
Dart: O_o Why?
Striker: Because Sephiroth is attempting to take over your mind.
Dart: What? No way! I'm not letting HIM in my mind! *points at Lloyd*
Lloyd: Hee, hee...
Shana: *slaps him* Pervert!
Lloyd: Fool! You dare defile me? I am Sephiroth, Almighty God of Prettiness! *draws Masamune*
Striker: I think he's having a little too much fun with this role.
Shana: Oh yeah? *takes out a summon materia* *it begins to glow, and who should appear but... DR. PHIL!*
Lloyd: This is the pathetic adversary you place before ME?
Dr. Phil: Sit down and shaddap, boy! *pushes Lloyd/Sephiroth over*
Lloyd: You dare to challenge me? *waves Masamune around*
Dr. Phil: *knocks Masamune out of Lloyd's hands and pushes him over again* Now your problem is your damn ego! You strut around with your black cape and big sword, and then wonder why people like him *indicates Dart* want to kick your sorry ass!
Lloyd: *crying* It's true, it's all true! Just... don't hurt me! *cowers in fear of the over-assertive psychiatrist*
Dr. Phil: Damn straight, boy! *disappears*
Striker: CUT! WHO GAVE HER THAT MATERIA?
Dart: *twiddling thumbs* Well, it was her birthday... and she was drunk, so...
Striker: . OK, Dart, that's far enough. I get the picture.
Lavitz: Awww, come on!
Shana: *slaps him*
Lavitz: What? What'd I do?
************************************************************************
*Several minutes later, Dart/Cloud and Kongol/Barret are in the battle with the Guard Scorpion.*
Striker: OK, Dart, now use your Lightning materia and cast Bolt.
Dart: Bolt? But I'm a Fire elemental! I don't zap, I BURN!
Striker: In this game, the characters aren't elemental. Besides, if you do this right, I might be willing to give you this... *holds up roll of magnesium tape*
Dart: Ooooh... big flashy burny stuff... OK! *casts Bolt on Scorpion*
Striker: Good. Now, it's tail's up. Kongol, shoot it.
Kongol: *shoots Scorpion, who counterattacks with its laser*
Striker: All right, now your Limit Gauge is full, so use Big Shot.
Kongol: *powers up gun* *gun malfunctions and explodes* *dies* X_X
Striker: CUT! WHO SCREWED WITH KONGOL'S GUN!?
Lavitz: *whistles innocently and hides wrench behind his back*
************************************************************************
*The rest of the reactor scene goes smoothly, except for the part where Cloud has to pull Jessie's foot out of the gridwork. Emilie slapped Dart so hard he was unconscious for half an hour, and upon awakening was immediately slapped by Shana and was out cold for another fifteen minutes. The gang has finally reached the scene where Cloud is escaping from the reactor and SOLDIER, and runs into Aeris for the first time*
Dart: *running out of the reactor, following Kongol/Barret and the group* *runs into Aeris*
Shana: Hi! Would you like to buy a flower for 1 gil?
Dart: Erm, sure, whatever. *tosses her a coin*
Shana: THANK YOU! *tackles Dart*
Striker: CUT! Damn it, Shana, watch some of your *#&$ing Dr. Phil videos on self-control!
************************************************************************
*Dart/Cloud is surrounded by SOLDIERS.*
Dart: *shrugs* I don't have time to waste with you...
Striker: Perfect! Keep going!
Dart: *pulls out a summon materia* Hell Fire! *roasts all the SOLDIERS*
Striker: CUT! Who gave him Ifrit? That's not until they beat Jenova: Birth!
Shana: *twiddling fingers* Well, it was his birthday, and he was drunk, so...
Striker: I think I'm going to be sick...
************************************************************************
*By some miracle, the gang has managed to reach the 7th Heaven scene. Rose finally comes out in Tifa's slightly-less-than-decent outfit.*
Dart and Lavitz: *look at each other*
Rose: .- *death glare* If either of you two utter one perverted syllable, I will personally remove your manhood. Got it?
Dart and Lavitz: *salute*
Lavitz: *whispers to Dart* She could use some of Miranda's Midol...
Dart: *snickers*
Rose: *eye twitches*
************************************************************************
*After Striker saves Dart and Lavitz from post-puberty castration, Rose and Dart are sitting on the pillar during the flashback.*
Dart: I'm leaving town.
Rose: It seems like all the boys are doing that...
Dart: *shakes head* I'm not like them. I'm going to join SOLDIER, to be like Sephiroth... *mutters something under his breath about stuck up silver- haired pretty boys*
Striker: *praying that they may actually get through a scene without someone getting injured*
Rose: Tell you what, let's make a promise.
Dart: All right... *whispers something to Rose*
Rose: .- *pushes Dart off column* Damn it, I TOLD you we shouldn't have let him ask me for so many drinks back in the bar!
Striker: *shrugs* He's allowed to do it in the game. I thought I should indulge the man at least once, considering he's not getting paid... *looks at Dart, who is lying on the ground with his arm stuck out at a very unnatural angle* *sighs* I think that's a wrap for today, people. Take a break.
All cast members, or what's left of them: *walk or drag themselves off the set*
Striker: Why do I have the feeling I'm going to need some serious therapy before this is over? *opens his mini-fridge* HEY! Who stole all my Mountain Dew!
Lloyd: *bouncing around the set* WHEE! CAFFINE!
Striker: *sighs* *turns to Albert* Remind me to stick his cape in the shredder when we start shooting tomorrow.
************************************************************************
Well, that's Chapter 2, everyone! In Chapter 3, we'll see the gang visit another Mako reactor, who Striker casted as the Turks, and one of the many reasons FF7 got a Teen rating, the Wall Market and Don Corneo! Joy! Don't forget to review!
Cloud: Lucky me. Now I've been enslaved by author magic.
Striker: *thwaps* Quiet, you. Roll the disclamer.
Disclamer (for all chapters): I do not own LoD or FF7, or anything else in this fic that happens to be trademark. Lawyers are evil. Keep them away.
Chapter 2: The Shooting Begins
Guahara: Whee, I'm the cameraman!
Striker: Shut up. Roll the opening scene.
*Special effect scene of an overhead view of Midgar and the train. The camera cuts to the train station, where the train is supposed to pull in. However, there is no train in sight.*
Striker: Where's the train?
Dart: *comes running in on foot, waving Cloud's enormous sword* Woohoo! Clobbering time!
Striker: CUT! Dart, where's the train?
Dart: Train? What train?
*Train suddenly comes careening down the track, with many slash marks that appear to have been made by someone with a very large sword (hint hint). It topples over onto its side and explodes*
Dart: Ooooooh... THAT train?
Kongol: *pulls himself from the wreakage* Get Kongol's agent on phone. *falls unconscious*
Striker: *sigh*
************************************************************************
Guahara: Scene 1, Take 2.
Striker: Aaaaaand... action!
*Train comes rolling into station as it is supposed to. Kongol and Dart jump out, beat up bad guys, and start running towards reactor, all going according to the script.*
Kongol: *sings the Oprah song while they run* Hoo, hoo! Run on, run on, yeah! Hoo, hoo!
Striker: -_- CUT! Who taught him that song?
Shana: What? Kongol has some serious issues I believe he needs to address!
Lavitz: *trying very hard not to burst out laughing* You watch OPRAH?
Shana: *stomps foot* So? That show has given me a lot of emotional support!
All minus Shana and Kongol: *rolling on floor laughing*
Kongol: O_o What so funny? Kongol confused...
************************************************************************
Guahara: Take three...
*The scene proceeds correctly. Kongol and Dart reach the reactor, meeting up with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie.*
Greham: *grumbles* How come I have to be the fat one?
Striker: 'Cause you died, so Doel got first pick.
Greham: What? It's not my fault that big...
Kongol: *growls*
Striker: I would advise you not to finish that sentence.
Shana: Kongol, you're having problems with agression again. Were you even watching those tapes of Dr. Phil I gave you?
Lavitz: You TAPE Dr. Phil?
Shana: *life glare, 'cause she's too saintly to manage a decent death glare*
Doel: *standing in Biggs' outfit, glaring at everyone*
Emilie: *dressed as Jessie* This is so humiliating... I'm a PRINCESS.
Striker: -_- If you do this right, I'll cast you as Lucrecia later.
Emilie: But she's not in the game.
Striker: We'll do a flashback or something.
Emilie: Scenes with Alby!
Albert: *mumbles something under his breath* _
Striker: Good. Aaaaaaaand... action!
*The scene proceeds as planned, until they reach the reactor*
Striker: OK, Dart, in this scene, you fall to your knees and clutch your head in agony.
Dart: O_o Why?
Striker: Because Sephiroth is attempting to take over your mind.
Dart: What? No way! I'm not letting HIM in my mind! *points at Lloyd*
Lloyd: Hee, hee...
Shana: *slaps him* Pervert!
Lloyd: Fool! You dare defile me? I am Sephiroth, Almighty God of Prettiness! *draws Masamune*
Striker: I think he's having a little too much fun with this role.
Shana: Oh yeah? *takes out a summon materia* *it begins to glow, and who should appear but... DR. PHIL!*
Lloyd: This is the pathetic adversary you place before ME?
Dr. Phil: Sit down and shaddap, boy! *pushes Lloyd/Sephiroth over*
Lloyd: You dare to challenge me? *waves Masamune around*
Dr. Phil: *knocks Masamune out of Lloyd's hands and pushes him over again* Now your problem is your damn ego! You strut around with your black cape and big sword, and then wonder why people like him *indicates Dart* want to kick your sorry ass!
Lloyd: *crying* It's true, it's all true! Just... don't hurt me! *cowers in fear of the over-assertive psychiatrist*
Dr. Phil: Damn straight, boy! *disappears*
Striker: CUT! WHO GAVE HER THAT MATERIA?
Dart: *twiddling thumbs* Well, it was her birthday... and she was drunk, so...
Striker: . OK, Dart, that's far enough. I get the picture.
Lavitz: Awww, come on!
Shana: *slaps him*
Lavitz: What? What'd I do?
************************************************************************
*Several minutes later, Dart/Cloud and Kongol/Barret are in the battle with the Guard Scorpion.*
Striker: OK, Dart, now use your Lightning materia and cast Bolt.
Dart: Bolt? But I'm a Fire elemental! I don't zap, I BURN!
Striker: In this game, the characters aren't elemental. Besides, if you do this right, I might be willing to give you this... *holds up roll of magnesium tape*
Dart: Ooooh... big flashy burny stuff... OK! *casts Bolt on Scorpion*
Striker: Good. Now, it's tail's up. Kongol, shoot it.
Kongol: *shoots Scorpion, who counterattacks with its laser*
Striker: All right, now your Limit Gauge is full, so use Big Shot.
Kongol: *powers up gun* *gun malfunctions and explodes* *dies* X_X
Striker: CUT! WHO SCREWED WITH KONGOL'S GUN!?
Lavitz: *whistles innocently and hides wrench behind his back*
************************************************************************
*The rest of the reactor scene goes smoothly, except for the part where Cloud has to pull Jessie's foot out of the gridwork. Emilie slapped Dart so hard he was unconscious for half an hour, and upon awakening was immediately slapped by Shana and was out cold for another fifteen minutes. The gang has finally reached the scene where Cloud is escaping from the reactor and SOLDIER, and runs into Aeris for the first time*
Dart: *running out of the reactor, following Kongol/Barret and the group* *runs into Aeris*
Shana: Hi! Would you like to buy a flower for 1 gil?
Dart: Erm, sure, whatever. *tosses her a coin*
Shana: THANK YOU! *tackles Dart*
Striker: CUT! Damn it, Shana, watch some of your *#&$ing Dr. Phil videos on self-control!
************************************************************************
*Dart/Cloud is surrounded by SOLDIERS.*
Dart: *shrugs* I don't have time to waste with you...
Striker: Perfect! Keep going!
Dart: *pulls out a summon materia* Hell Fire! *roasts all the SOLDIERS*
Striker: CUT! Who gave him Ifrit? That's not until they beat Jenova: Birth!
Shana: *twiddling fingers* Well, it was his birthday, and he was drunk, so...
Striker: I think I'm going to be sick...
************************************************************************
*By some miracle, the gang has managed to reach the 7th Heaven scene. Rose finally comes out in Tifa's slightly-less-than-decent outfit.*
Dart and Lavitz: *look at each other*
Rose: .- *death glare* If either of you two utter one perverted syllable, I will personally remove your manhood. Got it?
Dart and Lavitz: *salute*
Lavitz: *whispers to Dart* She could use some of Miranda's Midol...
Dart: *snickers*
Rose: *eye twitches*
************************************************************************
*After Striker saves Dart and Lavitz from post-puberty castration, Rose and Dart are sitting on the pillar during the flashback.*
Dart: I'm leaving town.
Rose: It seems like all the boys are doing that...
Dart: *shakes head* I'm not like them. I'm going to join SOLDIER, to be like Sephiroth... *mutters something under his breath about stuck up silver- haired pretty boys*
Striker: *praying that they may actually get through a scene without someone getting injured*
Rose: Tell you what, let's make a promise.
Dart: All right... *whispers something to Rose*
Rose: .- *pushes Dart off column* Damn it, I TOLD you we shouldn't have let him ask me for so many drinks back in the bar!
Striker: *shrugs* He's allowed to do it in the game. I thought I should indulge the man at least once, considering he's not getting paid... *looks at Dart, who is lying on the ground with his arm stuck out at a very unnatural angle* *sighs* I think that's a wrap for today, people. Take a break.
All cast members, or what's left of them: *walk or drag themselves off the set*
Striker: Why do I have the feeling I'm going to need some serious therapy before this is over? *opens his mini-fridge* HEY! Who stole all my Mountain Dew!
Lloyd: *bouncing around the set* WHEE! CAFFINE!
Striker: *sighs* *turns to Albert* Remind me to stick his cape in the shredder when we start shooting tomorrow.
************************************************************************
Well, that's Chapter 2, everyone! In Chapter 3, we'll see the gang visit another Mako reactor, who Striker casted as the Turks, and one of the many reasons FF7 got a Teen rating, the Wall Market and Don Corneo! Joy! Don't forget to review!