Hi! Happy new year to everyone!
It's been quite a while since my last Angel Sanctuary fic here and… well, sorry. This one's a little… weird, I think. I wrote it at two at night and, hm… I just hope it doesn't sound too stupid! ^^
Anyway, forgive me my bad grammar and the spelling mistakes. It's been quite some time since I last wrote a story in English…
Disclaimer: Not mine. Kaori Yukis!
Warning: Kind of Yaoi and kind of strange Kira….
***
There were times
By Kia
There were times – minutes, seconds, short moments that passed before they got a chance to get noticed – when Nanatsusaya Mitamanotsurugi caught himself feeling something for another person beside himself. Another person beside Alexiel, his beautiful and forever unreachable fallen angel. Short moments. Seconds, the blink of an eye. Rare moments. But.
Unable to ignore them because the change was too drastic he found himself fearing these moments, hating them, because they just told him that he was becoming more and more human, that he was becoming more and more Kira Sakuya.
He didn't want to become human.
But.
As time passed…
There were times when he felt lonely lying in his empty bed at night and it wasn't the dark harried angel he was longing for. It was always easy to find some girl willing to sleep with him, boys too. His good looks were helpful though he never cared otherwise. Those heated bodies filled his bed, but they never filled his heart.
Nothing could fill his heart. Hollow space. Hollow space forever.
But.
He had sex with all of his friends, too. Never with Setsuna, though. No. He never even thought about it. Alexiel. Untouchable. No.
Had sex with Yoji. The guy never cared who shared his bed, as long as the sex was okay. Sex with Kira was great. No problem here.
Had sex with the rest of the gang. Similar reasons. All idiots, somehow. But…
Sometimes he had sex with Kato, for reasons he never knew and never thought about. He was the only one, he knew it, but he never questioned why. Probably because he wasn't the only one who needed someone to fill the empty space beside him at night. Or because the boy just needed someone to hold him out of sexual need since no one ever did it for any other reason.
He didn't care, because he never cared about anyone but himself. And Alexiel. Setsuna.
And the flashes of emotion came and they came again and he tried to ban them because emotions only hurt and they were annoying. But.
As time passed he found himself longing for those moments, those seconds. He welcomed them more and more and he hated them all the stronger for it. He started to love it.
He opened his arms wide for humanity and embraced as it came to him.
It came to him in the small, ignored and suppressed caring for a boy who would never be able to feel something himself. Who could never fill the hole in his own heart. Who had never been loved and didn't know how to love either.
It fascinated Kira, that this heart of his should be able to feel something else than his longing for an angel that could never be his. Some strange kind of longing for a boy that could never be his as well. A mere mortal boy that would fade and die while he, Kira, would life for eternity. Not as Kira but as Nanatsusaya. Not in this body. Many would follow. He would live other lifes and met other people, make other friends, but none of them would last for more their short mortal years of time, so there was no sense in caring. They came and went and he wouldn't bother remembering any of them. He'd miss Setsuna, though. Somehow.
But.
There where times when he lay awake at night and watched Kato sleeping beside him. He always had nightmares, every time. Maybe every night of his life, if he wasn't full of drugs at that time. Maybe even then. He never asked. Kato wouldn't have given him an answer, anyway.
When he felt like it he took the boy in his arms. Stroked his hair. His skin always felt soft beneath his fingers. And he always calmed down then and slept peacefully until morning. Maybe that was his reason for sleeping with Kira.
But he didn't do that often, touching him after sex, because he didn't care, no. Only when he felt like it. Of course somewhere along the way he reached the point where he wasn't able to believe that anymore.
He never was able to understand himself. And he never was able to do anything but hurt that boy that made him feel so human. Just to prove himself that he wasn't human at all.
And he never realised that in his attempts not to be human he did the most human things he'd ever done.
Somehow he never expected Kato to get very old. Life wasn't exactly nice to him and he couldn't ever take it without his beloved drugs, so he kind of expected him to kill himself, if he didn't die of other causes before. So he was surprised, kind of, when he heard that words he spoke as he died, killed in a fight that wasn't his, but Setsunas, Alexiels and Kiras, at the age of seventeen.
"I don't want to die…"
Had nothing to do with him. No. Sorry, Buddy, 's nothing personal. Never mind.
He'd seen so many people die. Just one more. Didn't matter. But.
Something was different this time. So silly. He would have to leave his current body soon, anyway and that mortal life his friend was given, it was so short, what difference did it make it he left this world a few years sooner?
And he was ecstatic at that time so the boy's death shouldn't even have been worth a second look. After all this time he saw his Alexiel again, beautiful as ever. Only Setsuna hated him now. And Kato was dead, forever. Gone for good. Sayonara. No Kato anymore.
He buried him in the schoolyard, a place he'd hated in life. But Kira ignored that, it was just the nearest possible place and since Kato was dead he wouldn't bother anymore. He didn't feel guilty about it and he didn't feel sorry about his dead. He never knew why he left him that lighter.
This part of his immortal life was over anyway. Time to move on and forget everything that had to do with it. Everyone. Everyone.
But. Sometimes he found that it wasn't that simple at all.
-end-
31. December 2002