A/N: Well, since I wrote this before OotP, the majority of it won't correspond very well. So, you can either pretend it's AU or you can pretend you never read OotP. Personally I'm going with the latter. *Mutters* Enjoy, and review, muahaha.

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And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget

***

It was not hard to find the house in Godric's Hollow.  Though, it could not really be called a house anymore.  Parts of the walls were collapsed and almost all of the windows were shattered.  Abby landed her broom in front of the wreck and slid off.  She stood for a moment, staring at the ruins of her best friend's home and then raced inside.

"James? Lily?" She called out to them as she made her way through each room.  The longer she went on, the more hopeless she felt.  No answer came back, no baby cried, not a sound came from anywhere in the house.  Her eyes were starting to blur with tears and she walked clumsily through the living room, stumbling over something on the floor and falling… falling onto James.  She gasped and shrank away, staring at his body with despair.  A body that had once been so alive, always running, joking, never stopping for a second to take a breath.  And now he would never breathe again.  Now he was gone.  She crawled over to him, staring down at his face and her tears began to fall.  Her heart continued to beat rapidly as she watched her tears drop onto his waxy face.  She noticed then that James was not wearing his glasses... she must find his glasses.  James can't see without his glasses. It took her a moment to see them on the floor beside his head. With shaking hands she desperately tried to place them back upon his face.  A loud moan of frustration escaped her when she realized that the lens was broken.  Defeated, she stood up.  She had to find Lily and Harry.

The bottom floor yielded nothing and she carefully climbed the stairs, hesitating outside of baby Harry's bedroom.  She knew that if she found what she dreaded, her entire world would come crashing down.  She reached forward and pushed the door open.  What waited inside was something she would never forget, not for the rest of her life.  Memories of her best friend came flooding back.  Seemingly every second they'd ever spent together now washed over her, and then the tears could not come fast enough.  She felt the urge to scream and yell, to throw whatever she could grab, but all she could do was stumble to Lily's lifeless body and collapse next to her.  Her beautiful golden red hair surrounded her head and Abby was reminded of a halo.  Lily's once sparkling green eyes now seemed gray as they stared, unmoving.  Abby gathered her into her arms, petting her face softly, "Oh Lil. Wake up please. Don't do this to me."

She sat for hours, crying violently into Lily's hair, holding onto her in a desperate attempt to make her come back.  Thoughts of finding Harry were gone now and nothing mattered.  It was dark by the time Remus found her.

"Abby? Oh Merlin, Abby…" No one had told her.  In all the confusion, they'd forgotten to owl Abby.  They'd left her to find out for herself that her best friend was dead. "Abby, how long have you been here?"

She looked up at him, her eyes still glistening and looking as dead as Lily's. "Remus… she's dead. And James. They're gone."

He nodded, "I know Abby. I know." He walked over to her, attempting to pull her away from Lily.

"NO! Get away. I can't leave her. Look at her Remus! Look at her!" She struggled to get out of his grasp, pushing at him frantically.

"Abigail! She's gone! We have to go. The Ministry will come and clean this all up, but we have to go."

She looked at him, startled, "Clean it all up will they?" And then she let out a bitter laugh, "Clean it all up.  Oh, well, that's marvelous, just bloody wonderful.  They'll clean up the mess and life will go on.  Is that it?  Lily and James are dead?  No matter, we'll clean it up and everything will be all better!" She looked back at Lily, and a strangled sob escaped her as she gave in and collapsed into her brother's arms.

He held her tightly, rocking back and forth, "I'm sorry Abby.  I'm so sorry.  If we had of known he would do this…"

Her head shot up, confusion spreading across her small face, "What are you talking about?  We knew Voldemort would do this, that's why they got a Secr—"

He sighed, looking away from her, "A Secret Keeper… Sirius."

"NO!" She shouted at him, "Sirius wouldn't!  He loved them more than anyone!" Remus continued to look away from her and she pulled out of his arms, standing up. "Look at me Remus!  You know Sirius couldn't have done this!"

And when he looked at her, she wished he hadn't.  His eyes were filled with hatred, "He did it Abby.  And then he killed Peter.  Listen to me," Remus placed a strong hand on each of her shaking shoulders. "He's gone to Azkaban and he's not coming back."

Her mouth opened, but no words came out at first.  Finally a jumble of words managed to spill out.  "But he… no. Why would… No! Sirius… he… No Remus, please."

He stood in silence, unsure of what to say.  She had just lost half of her world.  Two of her greatest friends, her best friend and her love for the past 6 years.  And almost her godson.

As if she had read is mind, she gasped, "Harry! Where is he?"

"He's fine.  Got away with only a scratch…"

"Where is he?  I want to see him.  I have to see him.  I'm all he has now, Remus."

"No.  Technically you're not."

She looked at him, horrified, "You can't be serious.  He can't go live with those wretched people!  Remus!  I'm his godmother!  They won't… they hate him.  They hated Lily!"

Remus took her hand, "Dumbledore has already done it." He tugged gently, and led her out of the room. "We have to go now Abby."

She followed him, tears once again streaming down her face.  And they would never stop.  Not for another 12 years would a moment pass when she did not feel the need to cry.  To cry over senseless death and the loss of almost everything that ever mattered.

***

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe

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A/N: Song is It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing, by Shania Twain.